


off camera.

by laurenjauregui



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: F/F, Youtuber AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2019-10-14 17:45:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 175,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17513078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurenjauregui/pseuds/laurenjauregui
Summary: Camila started YouTube as an escape from the loneliness she feels as she grows apart from her childhood best friend, Lauren. She never expects it to become a career, to be financially stable at nineteen, and to run into said ex best friend at a grocery store in LA after not seeing her for four years.Camren. YouTuber!Camila AU.





	1. prologue

**2003**

Camila hates school.

Admittedly, she’s only just _started_ , but she’s determined that it _sucks_. The kids in her class are mean and ignore her, and even though she’s been there for a whole two weeks, it feels like a lifetime. Her mami had promised her that she’d make friends, but she _hasn’t_ , and when she tries, the other kids in her class just laugh at her and call her weird. They’ve all already grouped off, last year in kindergarten, and they don’t want any outsiders.

Still, she’d mostly been left alone, but yesterday a mean boy had cornered her in the playground and told her that her accent was ugly. It had made her cry, and when her papi had picked her up last night, she got upset in the back of the car, and sobbed, asking if he could teach her some more English. They’ve just emigrated from Cuba, and Camila had grown up only needing Spanish, and her English is broken and ugly and she _hates_ it.

She wonders if that’s why she doesn’t have any friends yet. She wonders if it’s because she’s _different_ , because she can’t speak English as well as they can yet, and she feels so _stupid_ for it.

When she arrived home, she told her mami not to wake her up for school in the morning, because she’s not going back, but Sinu had woken her up anyway, and Camila had spent the drive to school sulking. She’s still sulking as she sits during roll call, wishing she wasn’t here. _Stupid school_.

She hates recess most of all. That’s when there’s only the one teacher out on the playground, and all of the bigger kids are there, and it’s easier for people to be mean. You’re supposed to spend recess with your friends, so it’s most people’s favourite part of the day, but Camila _hates_ it, because she doesn’t _have_ friends.

They’re not allowed to stay in the classroom, because it’s supposedly important to spend time outside and get fresh air, so Camila heads to the farthest end of the playground and sits down, watching her peers and pouting, because even if she tried, they wouldn’t let her join in with their games.

“Hi, ugly girl,” the boy from yesterday shoves her over as Camila scrambles to get up and run away, “go back to your own country.”

She cries as she falls back, scraping her hand on the hard blacktop. She looks up at the boy fearfully. “No.”

“Nobody likes you!” The boy says, glaring down at her. “Nobody wants to be friends with you, so you should just go away and-”

“Hey!” A girl she doesn’t recognise pushes herself between Camila and the boy, and shoves him back. “Leave her alone!”

The boy shoves the girl back, and she stumbles a little, but stands upright, puffing out her chest and making herself seem bigger than she actually is. “I’m just telling her the truth, that she’s weird and nobody likes her.”

“No, nobody likes _you_ , because you’re mean.” The girl argues with him. “Now go away before I tell a teacher.”

At the threat, the boy scrams, and the other girl smiles in satisfaction, before whirling around on Camila, who cowers back slightly. This girl might’ve saved her, but what if she just wanted to make fun of her, too?

“Hi,” the girl drops to sit in front of her and sends her a shy smile, and Camila frowns in confusion. “I’m Lauren. Do you want a cookie?”

Camila frowns as the girl produces a cookie from a little plastic baggie she’d hidden in her pocket. Warily, Camila reaches out and takes it. “Gracias.”

The girl looks pleasantly surprised. “De nada.”

Camila’s eyes widen, and she stares at this girl, this little angel who’d saved her, because she can’t believe that someone so nice could also speak _Spanish_. Excitedly, she starts rambling about herself, about how she’d just moved from Cuba, about how much she hated school, and asking if she wants to be friends, and as she goes on, a frown forms on Lauren’s face.

“I’m sorry- um, I mean, _lo siento_.” Lauren says, and Camila’s heart sinks. “I don’t know that much Spanish yet. I mean, um… _no hablo Español muy bien_. My mami is teaching me, though. She says it’s important for me to understand my background. Or something.”

Camila pouts, but understands the essence of what the girl says. Almost repeating Lauren’s sentence, she says, “ _no hablo Ingles muy bien_.”

“Oh,” Lauren frowns, and Camila gets frightened that she’s just going to leave, say _sorry, I guess we can’t be friends_. “Well, um, maybe we can teach each other.”

Understanding what she means, Camila smiles, nodding enthusiastically. Thinking it important to ask the girl this in her native language, Camila stammers, “Us… friends?”

“Yeah! We can be friends,” Lauren smiles, biting into the second cookie from the plastic bag. Camila had forgotten the one she was holding, and bites into it. “So, uh, you understand English, but can’t speak it well yet?”

Camila nods, “Si.”

“Okay, well, I promise I won’t use any big words, but that’s okay, because I don’t know any, anyway.” Lauren munches happily on her cookie, crumbs falling down the front of the little dress she’s wearing. “Wait, what’s your name? Are you a kindergartener? You’re really little.”

“Camila,” Camila answers, introducing herself by her middle name. She’s always preferred it, even though her parents insist on calling her Karla, but that doesn’t mean her friend can’t call her it. “Lauren.”

“Yeah, I’m Lauren,” the older girl announces, smiling, “I’m in second grade. I’m seven years old, you know. I’m getting real big. How old are you?”

“ _Seis_ ,” Camila answers, brushing the cookie crumbs from her lap and smiling up at Lauren. “ _bonita_.”

Lauren crinkles her nose at the word. Camila hadn’t meant to say it; it just slipped out as she looks at her. “What does that mean?”

Camila frowns, not sure how to explain it, and just points at Lauren, hoping that will get the message across. When the bell sounds, signalling the start of class again, Camila pouts and stands up, brushing the rest of the crumbs off her. “ _Adios_.”

Lauren frowns, and scrambles to stand up, grabbing Camila’s hand and walking to the first grade classroom with her. “I’m going to take you to class, just in case that mean boy is still around.”

Camila blinks, but nods, and she doesn’t understand why she feels funny, holding the other girl’s hand. She ignores the weird feeling as they walk, but pouts when they reach her classroom door. She looks up at Lauren with wide eyes, the other girl just a little taller than she is, before she throws herself on the girl in a hasty hug, mutters another “gracias”, and runs into the classroom before Lauren can say a word in reply.

-

**2005**

Her little saviour turns into her best friend. Every recess, Lauren seeks her out, sitting with her, occasionally offering her some sweet treat, giving her the chocolate she doesn’t like. Camila is a third grader now, and her English is much better, thanks to Lauren’s help. Lauren’s Spanish is coming along nicely as well, and the first time Camila had invited her over for dinner after school, she’d spoken to Camila’s parents entirely in Spanish.

Camila kind of idolises Lauren, so when she comes to school, green eyes worried and wide, she’s immediately by her side. “What is wrong?”

Lauren blinks, and meets Camila’s gaze with a weak smile. “Hi, Camz. My abuela is sick, that’s all. I wasn’t worried, because people get sick all the time and then they’re fine, but my mami and papi are really scared, and I think it might be serious.”

“She’ll be okay!” Camila promises her, and Lauren nods, her eyes widening in remembrance. “Is something else wrong?”

“No, I just remembered!” Lauren pulls a quarter out of the pocket of the dungarees she’s wearing and holds it out to Camila. “You said you were saving up to buy a Stitch, when your parents take you to Disney. I’m so jealous, I wish I could come! But here, it’s from my piggybank, for your Stitch.”

Camila’s stomach does that twisty thing as she takes the quarter from Lauren, wrapping her best friend in a hug. “ _Gracias_ , Lauren.”

“ _De nada,”_ Lauren smiles back, her sick grandmother forgotten in the midst of childlike happiness. “I hope you have fun at Disney, Camz. Will you get Mulan’s autograph for me if you see the princesses?”

“ _Si_ ,” Camila promises, excited to meet all of the characters and promising to get Lauren as many autographs as she can. She wonders if Simba and Nala will be walking around, because she knows Lauren likes _The Lion King_. “I get one week off school.”

“I’m jealous of that, too,” Lauren pouts, “I’ll miss you so much. You’re my best friend, and I know I have my friends in my class, but I don’t want to spend time with them, I like you more.”

“We both go to Disney, _un día_.” Camila smiles at her, deciding that when she’s a big girl, she’ll save up money so they can go together, no parents there to be boring. “Together.”

Camila has the time of her life on all the rides at Disney, holding her parents’ hand on the scarier ones, but she’s brave enough to go on some rollercoasters. On their last day there, Camila asks if she can call Lauren on the phone in the hotel room, and after some debate, her parents say yes. Camila is excited to tell Lauren all about the trip, because she can’t wait until school next Monday to tell her, but when Lauren’s mami picks up the phone and passes it to the older Latina, she doesn’t sound happy.

“You okay?” Camila questions her, and Lauren sniffles on the end of the line. “You are crying?”

“ _My abuela fell asleep and she didn’t wake up,”_ Lauren cries into the phone, “ _she died, Camz_.”

Camila spends half an hour on the phone, comforting Lauren, until her mami tells her she needs to hang up and go to bed. The next day, when they’re finally going on the long awaited trip to the Disney shop, Camila bypasses the Stitch plush toys and tries to find a Simba for Lauren, sighing when there aren’t any left on the shelf. She picks up the last stuffed Nala, because she knows that Lauren likes Nala too, and presents it to her mami.

“Didn’t you want Stitch?” Sinu questions her, and Camila shakes her head. “Why not?”

“Lolo is sad, mami.” Camila says, holding up Nala for emphasis. “I buy, so she happy again.”

“ _Mija_ ,” Sinu looks down at her, and Camila doesn’t really understand the look, later coming to realise just how proud her mother was of her in that moment. Her mami takes the Nala from her, and picks up a stuffed Stitch, too. “You can use your allowance to buy this lion for Lauren, and I’ll get your Stitch for you for being so good.”

Camila grins, thankful that she’s still going to get her Stitch, and she cuddles both toys on the drive back to Miami from Orlando. She can’t wait for school on Monday; she’s so excited to see Lauren smile when she gives Nala to her.

When the day finally comes around, Camila is practically bouncing on the way there, and once her mami drops her off, she runs around the playground looking for Lauren, the stuffed Nala cradled in her arms. When she finally sees her, getting a kiss goodbye from her father, she runs over and waits excitedly.

Lauren turns around, and her green eyes are dull and grey. Camila decides she doesn’t like it. “Hi, Camz. Did you have fun at Disney?”

“For you,” Camila presents the lion, “I buy for you. _Para hacerte sonreír.”_

Lauren blinks down at the toy in surprise, and Camila’s face falls when she doesn’t immediately take it and hug it. “But… you wanted to buy your Stitch.”

“You smiling. I like that more.” Camila shrugs, shaking the toy to emphasise her _for you_. “Take. _Lo único que quiero es hacerte sonreír.”_

Slowly, Lauren takes the toy like it’s something precious, and wraps her arms around it, snuggling it to her chest. “ _Gracias, mi amor._ ”

Then, she snuggles against Camila in a hug, nuzzling her face into Camila’s neck, and the younger girl blushes, mumbling, “ _Mi amor_? Mami and papi say that to each other.”

“Mine do, too,” Lauren mumbles, blinking up at her with a dazed smile. “Can we be like that when we’re older? Can we live together, _mi amor_?”

“ _Si_ ,” Camila nods, because she’d really do anything for Lauren, “ _siempre.”_

-

Nala doesn’t fix all of Lauren’s problems, but she _helps_ , and Camila thinks that’s what counts.

She’s always so quiet at school, since her abuela had died, and while Camila doesn’t entirely understand the finality of _death_ yet, she does understand that it’s hurting her best friend.

When the bell rings for recess, Camila is the first out of the classroom, waiting by Lauren’s, since her class hasn’t been let out yet. Everyone else rushes out, and Lauren isn’t included in that, so Camila walks into the classroom, looking around inquisitively. The classroom is more grown up, and there’s no little play areas, so it’s not hard for her to spot Lauren, sat in her chair, Nala on her lap.

Camila feels proud of herself; Lauren hasn’t been seen without Nala since Camila had given it to her. She skips over to Lauren and tugs her by the wrist. “Come on, Lolo. It’s playtime.”

“Don’t wanna play,” Lauren mumbles, and when she looks up and meets Camila’s gaze, the younger girl sees the tears in her eyes, “Don’t wanna go out.”

“But… Lolo, it’s recess,” Camila pouts, tugging her again, “we play.”

The tears well in Lauren’s eyes, and she bites down on her bottom lip, shaking her head. “No, don’t wanna.”

Camila pulls out the chair next to her and sits down. “We play here, then.”

“Am I a baby?” Lauren asks her, and Camila frowns, not understanding the question. “Keaton says I’m a baby because I keep bringing Nala. But- but I _need_ her.”

“You are not a baby, _mi amor,_ ” Camila assures her, pressing a kiss to Lauren’s tear-streaked cheek. “You big and strong.”

Lauren cries, and snuggles Nala to her chest. “Mami tried to take her away this morning because she thinks I’m too old for a cuddly toy, and- and I got upset, but not like normal. It was like… I couldn’t breathe, and I was scared I was gonna die, Camz.”

“No, Lolo,” Camila pulls Lauren close to her, feeling her best friend’s body shake as she cries and cuddles Nala, “Can’t die. _Yo protejo.”_

“You don’t think I’m stupid for needing Nala, do you?” Lauren asks, and Camila shakes her head, running her fingers through Lauren’s hair in an attempt to comfort her. “That’s why I love you. That’s why we’re gonna be best friends forever.”

“Forever,” Camila echoes, holding Lauren close. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Camz,” Lauren mumbles, sitting up and wiping at her eyes, “we can play now. If you want.”

“No, we stay here,” Camila taps on the table, grabbing a blank sheet of paper and passing a crayon over to Lauren. “Make art.”

Lauren draws Camila in bright colours, and while it’s messy and childish, Camila loves it so much, and thinks it’s way better than anything in a museum.

-

**2008**

Camila hates school again.

This year, Lauren is in middle school. Camila, being a year younger, is stuck in elementary school without her. She’s scared, because what if Lauren makes new friends, people better than Camila, and decides she doesn’t want to be friends anymore?

She’s so scared that she goes to the principal’s office on her first day. Not because she’s in trouble, since she’s basically the definition of a teacher’s pet, but because she has a request, and he’s the only one who can fulfil it.

“Hi,” She says when she’s told to go into his office. “Um, I would like to skip a grade, please.”

The principal laughs. “Miss Cabello, that isn’t how that works.”

“Well, how does it work?” Camila asks, sitting up attentively. “My best friend, Lauren, she’s just gone to middle school, and… well, I need to be with her. Because she’s my only friend, and I’m really lonely…”

The principal sighs, but denies her request easily. “Only in exceptional cases can a student skip a grade, and I’m afraid this isn’t one of those cases.”

“I’ll work harder, I promise,” Camila desperately replies, “ _Please_ , I don’t want her to stop being my friend just because I’m still all little and in elementary school and she’s cool and older. Please!”

“I’m sorry, Miss Cabello,” he apologises, and as the bell rings, he looks more than a little relieved, “it’s time you were getting to class.”

Camila sighs, and trudges to class, her heart aching in her chest as she thinks of all the fun Lauren must be having, all the new friends she must be making.

When she’s finally home after the longest school day _ever_ , she’s watching TV when there’s a knock on the front door. She frowns, but gets up and answers it, and when she opens it to Lauren, her heart starts to race. She pushes the feeling aside, because she’s caught onto the fact that you’re not supposed to feel that when you look at your best friend. The best friend who always snuggles you, who always calls you _mi amor_ , the one you’ve basically been dating since you were six.

“Hi, mi amor,” Lauren’s smile is totally radiant. “Can I come in?”

Camila nods, and moves aside to let her best friend in. “I missed you today.”

“I know, it was like _torture_ without you, Camz,” Lauren says as she kicks her shoes off, and Camila is completely relieved. “I wanted to text you so badly. I can’t wait until you get a cell phone.”

(Camila had hoped and _begged_ for a phone for her eleventh birthday, but her parents had said no, telling her that she’d be old enough when she turned twelve.)

They walk through to the lounge, and Camila sits back down on her spot on the couch, the seat still reclined with the footrest up. Lauren sits as close to her as she can, resting her head on Camila’s shoulder and snuggling up so they can share the footrest. Camila looks down at her, and for a moment, she wonders if maybe Lauren feels the same way she does, if Lauren understands that a lot of the things they do aren’t what _friends_ do.

“How was it?” Camila asks, breaking the intense (at least on her part) silence. “Was it scary?”

“The building was so much bigger, and I got lost a couple of times,” Lauren laughs, “but at least by next year, I’ll know my way around so I can walk you to all of your classes.”

“Like a boyfriend would,” Camila whispers to herself, and when Lauren asks what she’d said, she shakes her head. “Nothing. Um, what were the people like?”

“They were nice. Most of the people were just the kids in my old class, so it’s not like I didn’t know anybody. But it was weird…” Lauren trails off with a frown, and before Camila can question her, she finishes, “all of the other girls were talking about how cute some of the boys are.”

“Oh,” Camila’s heart drops to her stomach, “what did you think about them?”

“There were a couple of cute boys, but…” Lauren frowns to herself, “Camz, do you think it’s weird that I’ve never had a crush on anyone before?”

Camila swallows the lump in her throat. “No. That’s not weird.”

“But everyone else in my class already seem… like, years ahead of me with all of that stuff. Some of them… some of them have had their first kisses,” Lauren mumbles, dropping her voice to a whisper when it comes to talking about _kisses_. “I guess I’m just worried. What if… what if I never get a crush on anyone? _Ever?_ What if I end up like a thirty year old and I’ve never been kissed before. Have you had a crush on anyone?”

The way Lauren looks at her so worriedly, and the fact that the only crush Camila thinks she’s ever had has been on Lauren, she shakes her head. “No. I haven’t had a crush on anyone before.”

It makes her best friend look relieved, and Camila almost feels better about lying. “Oh. Well… I guess if we _both_ end up in that boat, at least we have each other.”

Camila isn’t sure that would be at _all_ bad.

(Six months later, on Camila’s birthday, Lauren tells her about a boy she likes, and it breaks Camila’s heart.)

-

**2009**

When Camila starts middle school, it makes her academic life a little better. Last year, she’d taken to studying hard so she could skip a grade, but it hadn’t been good enough, and she’s determined to work harder this year, so she can go to high school at the same time as Lauren.

She gets a ride to school from Lauren’s mom, and Lauren sits in the back with her, holding her hand all the way, because she knows just how nervous she is. It’s when they pull up outside of the school, and Lauren helps her out of the car but drops her hand immediately after, that she realises things between them will be different in school.

Outside of school, Lauren and Camila are always touching in some kind of way. If it’s not hand-holding, they’re hugging, if they’re not hugging, they’re lying on the couch together, watching a movie, or their legs are touching under the table at dinner. They’ve always been affectionate, and for Lauren to outright _reject_ it is new and terrifying.

“Do you have your schedule already? They sent mine to me in the post before I started,” Lauren asks her, and Camila nods, passing it to her. The older girl reads it, humming, and nods to their left. “I’ll show you to your classroom.”

“Thanks, Lo,” Camila says, and when she takes her schedule back and tucks it in the pocket of her jeans, that’s when she notices it. “You’re… wearing mascara?”

Lauren blinks, like she hadn’t realised she was, before shrugging like she’s _always_ worn mascara. “Yeah. My mom did it for me.”

“Okay,” Camila frowns, because this is the first real sign of _growing up_ , and it kind of scares her. “Well, you look really pretty. But, I mean, you always do, so-”

“Hi, Luis!” Lauren ignores her compliment completely, smiling at a boy walking past them. When he grins and greets her back, Camila sees the faint blush on Lauren’s cheeks, and feels something inside her break. “That’s Luis, he’s the boy I told you about. The one I like. I think he might like me back.”

“Oh,” Camila gets out, and tries to act almost like she hadn’t heard. Like it’s second nature to her, she takes Lauren’s hand as they walk down the hallway, but after a few moments, Lauren drops it under the guise of playing with her hair. “Can I sit with you at lunch?”

Lauren frowns, like the answer to that question actually requires _thought_ , but nods curtly. “Of course.”

Camila, who usually avoids conflict, frowns. “Do you _not_ want to sit with me?”

“No, of course I do,” Lauren quickly assures her, “it’s just… I have other friends, too. You and I spent all summer together, Camz.”

“I know,” Camila mumbles, “but you’re my best friend. I thought I was yours.”

“You are!” Lauren promises as they stop in front of a classroom. “I promise, we’ll eat lunch together every day if that’s what you want. Okay?”

 _What I want is for Luis to disappear, because you’re my person, not his._ Instead of voicing this, Camila just sighs. “We don’t have to eat lunch together every day. I’m sure I’ll… I’ll make some new friends too.”

Lauren smiles, squeezing her arm, and Camila knows it’s the most affection she’ll get within these walls. “That’s the spirit. I’ll see you at lunch, okay?”

Camila nods, and she’s hoping for a hug goodbye, but Lauren just smiles and sends her a quiet goodbye as she turns on her heel and walks down the corridor.

That’s the day Camila really _sees_ that she and Lauren are two different people. Lauren is _popular_ , she has friends, she’s an extrovert, and _Camila_ is an introvert, the only friend she has being _Lauren_. She can’t help but get a little annoyed when she sees Lauren with other people, because she’s supposed to be _Camila’s_ best friend. It’s a childish mindset, and she knows it, but it’s hard to shake five years of friendship where she always had Lauren to herself.

Two months into the school year, and Camila hasn’t made any friends of her own. She spends the lunches where Lauren is with _other_ people in the deserted music room, playing around on the shitty school acoustic guitar, and that’s where Lauren finds her halfway through the school day.

“Camz! Oh my god, I need to tell you something,” Lauren pulls out the chair across from her and fixes her with the biggest smile. “Guess what?”

Camila looks up from the notebook she’d been jotting lyrics down in. “What?”

“I had my first kiss!” Lauren blurts out, looking like a kid on Christmas. “Luis! He kissed me! Just now!”

Camila swears that one of her heartstrings snaps. “Oh. That’s… good for you.”

Lauren frowns at the less than excitable reaction. “Why aren’t you happy for me?”

“No, I am,” Camila forces a smile and meets Lauren’s confused gaze, “Congrats, Lo.”

Lauren studies her for a moment, and stands up, clearly not appreciating the frosty response. “I guess I’ll just go and tell someone who cares.”

As she stalks out of the music room, Camila doesn’t bother following her, too wrapped up in the all-consuming knowledge that Lauren’s first kiss wasn’t _her_.

-

**2010**

They’re separated again, and this time, Camila isn’t even that _bothered_. It’s not like she sees Lauren in school _anyway._ No, Lauren spends all of her time, except for the lunches she’d promised to Camila, with her friends from her own grade, and stupid _Luis_ , until they break up.

( _That_ announcement has a much better reaction from Camila.)

“I never liked him,” She says, stuffing popcorn into her mouth as _Mean Girls_ plays on the TV. “You’ve always deserved better.”

“Thanks, Camz,” Lauren smiles, snuggling close to her. “You know, if you were a guy, you’d be the best boyfriend ever.”

The words make Camila’s stomach churn, and she doesn’t understand why they can’t just date, why Lauren won’t kiss her if she’d be so perfect. “Maybe we should just run away and get married once we’re both sixteen.”

“Ew, I’m not a dyke,” Lauren snorts, and she says it so casually that it makes it an even bigger punch to the gut. “Hey, Camz, can I talk to you about something?”

Camila’s stomach drops, and she thinks _she knows_. “Uh, sure, anything, Laur.”

“Do you think it’s stupid that I’m scared to start high school?” Lauren asks, and Camila breathes out a subtle sigh of relief. “It’s just, there’s going to be more new people, and I guess I’m scared that… that things might change, you know?”

Camila doesn’t question what _things_ are. “As long as you’re happy, it doesn’t really matter. Besides, you’ll have all of your friends and stuff…”

“Yeah,” Lauren mumbles, resting her head on Camila’s chest and dipping her hand into the popcorn bowl. “You’re right.”

-

A month into the school year, and Camila has barely seen Lauren. She’d called and invited her over for dinner, because they _always_ have a sleepover on Friday nights, but Lauren had made excuses, saying that the work was really hard and she was swamped with homework.

Camila had believed her, until one night, bored out of her mind, she decides to make a Facebook account. She adds her family and Lauren, whose page is open, and after doing a little scrolling, she realises she’s been _out_ every Friday since school started with some of her friends from middle school and some new names Camila doesn’t recognise.

By now, she’s getting used to this feeling, this slap in the face when she realises that _she_ revolves around Lauren, but it’s not at all mutual. It used to be, when all they had was each other, but everything is different now. She _hates it._

Lauren seems to know that she knows, because she shows up the next day with loads of strawberry flavoured candy for herself, and chocolate for Camila, asking for a sleepover so they can catch up.

They’ve never needed to _catch up_ before, and that’s another thing Camila can’t stand.

There’s a new guy in Lauren’s life, Camila learns. His name is Brad, and he’s two years older than Camila, and just _so cool_. He’s in a band, and he plays guitar, and Camila learns more about _Brad_ than she learns about the rest of Lauren’s school life combined.

She doesn’t need to know Brad to dislike him, but it takes her five minutes to forgive Lauren for blowing her off the last few weeks. They watch a few movies, and gossip as promised, and it feels like nothing has changed until Camila notices Lauren texting during the movies, and constantly glancing over at her phone.

-

**2011**

Camila starts high school, and it doesn’t take her long to deduce that high school Lauren is a completely different person to _regular_ Lauren. She’s heard her and her little group of friends, and that stupid boyfriend, _Brad_ , laughing about people behind their backs, making comments on their hair or their clothes. Sometimes, Camila feels like walking over there and telling them all that Lauren still sleeps with her stuffed Nala every night, just to remind her who she really is.

She never does; Lauren’s friends intimidate her too much. They’re not the _cool_ kids, but they also _are_ , in the way that they’re the _bad_ kids. She finds it hard to believe that Lauren would hang around with people like that until she cuts around the back of a building while helping the music teacher carry a few things, and sees Lauren _smoking_.

Once she’s dropped the box off in the music classroom, she goes back to the corner she’d seen her in, grabs the cigarette from her hand and throws it on the ground, stomping it out. “What the _hell_ , Lauren?”

“Don’t tell my parents, _please_ ,” Lauren begs her, and she looks so much like _her_ Lauren, her best friend, that Camila nods in agreement. “I won’t do it again.”

She knows it’s a lie, but she accepts it. “Okay. Can you… um, come over tonight?”

Lauren agrees instantly, but Camila knows it’s more because she’s afraid she’ll rat on her than because she actually wants to spend time with her. “Yeah. Thanks, Camila.”

 _Camila._ It takes her off guard, because she doesn’t expect it coming from Lauren. With Lauren, it’s always _Camz_ – she’d stopped calling her _mi amor_ years ago – but it’s never _Camila._ “Um, yeah. See you later.”

She never shows, and Camila thinks that’s the exact point where everything started to fall apart in one way, but come together in another.

-

One day, just out of complete boredom, she decides to film herself, singing one of the songs she’d written. She creates a YouTube account, and figures out how to upload the video.

She doesn’t expect it to get _any_ views, but it gets thirty, then forty, then one hundred, and she gets a single comment, someone telling her to keep it up, that she’s talented and could go places. She’s seen people on this platform, with hundreds, _thousands_ of subscribers, and she wonders if she could be like them.

She posts another video, a quick, introductory video about herself and her passions, and promises to herself that she’ll buy a decent camera as soon as she has the money.

 **ALL ABOUT ME  
**_183 views_ ****  
Camila Cabello --------- SUBSCRIBE: 22  
Published on Nov 18th, 2011

“Hi,” Camila says, and it’s awkward, it’s _so_ awkward to just speak to a camera, “I’m Camila. I decided to post on here, mostly because I don’t have anything to do, but I also want to get my music out there. I’ve been writing songs like, my whole life, and I have a fear of performing in public, yet I love to perform. This is like, kind of the best way for me to do it.”

“I posted a song I wrote, and _please_ be gentle, I’m only fourteen and I know I can improve,” Camila practically _begs_ the camera. “It’s called _Inside Out_ , it’s about this… person. I think I’ve liked them for my whole life. Anyway, please give it a chance. Thanks. Um… and subscribe, I guess.”

-

 _Somehow_ , someone from her school stumbles across her videos after she uploads her first _cover_ , of _Skyscraper_ by Demi Lovato, and suddenly it’s like people know she exists. Her whole life, it felt like she’d been wandering around wearing an invisibility cloak, and suddenly, it had been ripped off.

Lauren’s friends mockingly sing her own song, _Inside Out,_ back at her as she walks past them, and she expects her best friend (if she’s even her best friend anymore) to say something, but Lauren keeps her mouth shut and doesn’t meet her gaze.

If anything, the taunts and torment just _fuel_ her, because she wants to show people that they’re _wrong_. But the anger she feels towards Lauren for not _defending her_ , that’s even worse. She doesn’t _care_ that her friends intimidate her, she stomps over to them and grabs Lauren by the arm. “Well? Aren’t you going to say anything?”

Brad, who had his arm around Lauren before Camila had pulled her away, frowns. “You know this freak?”

Camila ignores him and waits impatiently for Lauren’s response, and the older girl squeezes her eyes shut and sighs. “Well, you’re kind of painting a target on your own back.”

“ _What_? By doing something fun and creative, I’m _painting a target on my back?_ ” Camila snaps at her. “Are you actually serious right now?”

“ _Camila_ ,” Lauren sighs again like she’s talking to a petulant child, even though Camila has every right to feel this way. “Just drop it, okay? We’ll talk later.”

“Everything is _we’ll talk later_ with you, isn’t it?” Camila snaps, turning on her heel. “Even though we never do, because _you_ never bother to show up.”

She expects it when Lauren shows up at her house that night, eyes bloodshot and red, and for a moment, she thinks she’s just been crying, and that’s when she smells it on her. “You’re… you’re not on _drugs_ , are you?”

Lauren rolls her eyes and pushes past her, coming into the house. “Do you want to talk or not?”

Pushing away her suspicions, Camila frowns. “Fine. Why are you being such an asshole?”

“I’m not,” Lauren shrugs, turning on Camila with something unreadable in her bloodshot eyes. “Were you talking about me? In that song. You said it was about a person you think you’ve liked your whole life and I’m the only one who fits that description.”

“I _was_ ,” Camila admits, emphasising the past tense of that. “Not so sure anymore.”

Lauren steps closer to her, and Camila cringes at the overwhelming smell of smoke clinging to her clothes. Lauren studies her for a moment, completely elusive. “Maybe this will make you certain.”

When she kisses her, all Camila can think about is how long she’s wanted this to happen, but if she could think of the worst possible situation, she’s in it. Lauren is _fucking high_ , but for a second, Camila forgets herself, thinks she’s kissing the girl with the bright eyes and soft smiles. Lauren pulls away, and she’s reminded that she’s not the person she was. She hasn’t been for a long time.

Lauren smirks at her, and practically glides past her and out of the front door, disappearing into the night, leaving nothing behind but the faint smell of marijuana that makes Camila sick.

-

Their parents, believing they’re still close friends, surprise them with a trip to Disney for Spring break. Camila will be rooming with Lauren, and they’ll get to spend a whole week up in Orlando at the happiest place on Earth.

Camila is dreading it, because she hasn’t really spent time with Lauren, or even _talked_ to her for a year, and she knows it’ll just be awkward, especially after her confession and that _kiss_. The whole thing hurts her heart.

They drive up in separate cars, but when they check in, Camila awkwardly follows Lauren up to the room they’re sharing, eyes almost popping out of her skull when there’s only the one bed.

“What’re you looking like that for?” Lauren asks her, dumping her bag on the right side. “It’s not like we’ve never shared a bed before.”

Camila awkwardly hums in agreement and puts her things down, and she _hates_ how weird and strained everything is. Lauren sighs, looking down at her phone, muttering something about there not being any signal. Her sleeve rides up as she reaches to plug her charger in, and Camila _swears_ she sees the needle marks in her arm.

“Um, are you excited for the rides?” She asks, trying her best to make conversation. “I heard- um, that there’s a _Lion King_ themed show…”

Lauren looks up, and she expects to be shot down, but instead, she gets, “Is there?”

Finally, Camila really, truly smiles. “Yeah. I saw it when I was here back in like third grade. Those were the pictures I showed you, remember?”

“Oh, yeah,” Lauren nods, and when she crosses to the door, Camila has hope that maybe she’s going to get her best friend back over this next week. “Come on, I think my mom told us to meet outside their room.”

Once they’ve met their parents, they travel into the Magic Kingdom, and it’s like a switch is flipped. Gone is the Lauren she’d adjusted to, the curt, _too cool for this_ girl, and her best friend, her dorky, adorable best friend, is back.

Lauren holds her hand on the rides she’s afraid of, buys her a little Stitch keychain, cuddles her every single night they’re there, and even _kisses_ her on _Peter Pan’s Flight_ , and Camila wonders that maybe this is why their parents surprised them with the trip in the first place. She’d be surprised if Lauren’s parents hadn’t caught onto all the drinking and smoking and… other stuff.

Camila films part of the trip, and Lauren is in the video she posts, but it’s like she closes herself off when the camera is on. She’s not herself, but she’s not being the asshole she’s turned into, either. She wonders if the little audience she’s starting to build will like her, but decides to post it, because it’s her channel after all.

(A few people comment saying they don’t think Lauren is very nice, but Camila silently deletes them.)

When they get back to Miami, however, it’s like that switch is flipped completely again. She’s back to being broody and contemplative, and Camila doesn’t want to ruin the week they’d had with a fight, so she doesn’t say anything.

-

**2012**

They never talk about the kissing, but they never really talk about _anything_.

Camila understands that she doesn’t _know_ Lauren anymore. Hell, she even knows that Lauren is just using her for a warm body or entertainment when she’s bored, when her _boyfriend_ is busy, but she can’t _stop_.

Sometimes, Lauren will show up at her house, drunk or high out of her mind, at age _sixteen_ , and make out with her until a better option comes along. Then, she leaves without a word, without inviting Camila, or even telling her _why._ Any time Camila tries to _talk_ to her, to ask her if she needs help, Lauren ignores her, even when Camila confronts her about the needle marks in her arm and the pills she’d seen in her bag.

They never do anything more than kissing, and Camila wishes she could talk to someone about it, but when she’d mentioned that she wanted to talk to her mom about things, Lauren had told her to _keep her fucking mouth shut_.

It’s toxic, and it hurts Camila every time, and she’s practically drowning in it, but she can never say no. She doesn’t have the strength to push Lauren away.

The only thing that really keeps her sane is her YouTube. She posts covers, songs, and sometimes even sit-down talking videos, surprised when more and more people start commenting and liking and subscribing and asking her questions. It’s a shock, to have so many people genuinely interested.

She’s just editing a video when Lauren walks into her room, smelling of alcohol and smoke, and Camila wonders how Mr and Mrs Jauregui haven’t figured something out yet.

Before Lauren can kiss her, Camila asks, “Are your parents not concerned about you?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business,” Lauren retorts, catching a glimpse of Camila’s laptop screen before the younger Latina slams it shut. “You’re not still making those stupid videos, are you?”

Camila opens her mouth to defend herself, but Lauren just uses that as an opportunity to kiss her roughly, pushing her down onto the bed. Camila gasps when her hands tug roughly at the hem of her shirt, and she easily senses where this is going. “Lauren, I can’t keep doing this.”

Lauren sighs in annoyance as Camila pushes her off. “Why not? We’re best friends. It’s just… two friends helping each other out.”

“I don’t mean just that. Besides, you’re barely my friend anymore. You only hang out with me when it’s convenient or when you want someone to make out with,” Camila argues with her, “You don’t _care_ that I’ve… that I’ve fallen in love with you. My parents can’t understand why I’m still friends with you, and honestly, neither can I.”

It’s true; Sinu had approached her the other week, asking if Lauren had ever offered her anything, or pressured her into trying things. Camila had said no, because she _hadn’t_ , but she knows it means Lauren is building up a reputation. Sinu had _also_ mentioned that Clara had questioned her, asking about Lauren, if she had any information on whether Lauren had taken any drugs. Camila thinks it’s pretty obvious she _has_ and she _is_ , and there’s even rumours going around school that she’s _dealing_ with her stupid boyfriend.

Lauren stops in her tracks, and when Camila meets her gaze, she sees the hurt in her eyes. “Then kick me out. Do it. If you’re so sick of me.”

“It’s not that I’m sick of you,” Camila sighs, and she wants nothing more than to yell _forget it_ , and let Lauren get what she wants and leave, let her use her yet again, just to make the hurt in her eyes go away. That’s how much she loves her. “It’s that you’re not _you_. The Lauren I know is the best friend I’ve ever had, and she would never just use me to get what she wants and then fuck off to be with her friends. The friends who got you into drinking and god knows what else. That girl who saved me from a bully in the playground? She’s not _you_ , and she hasn’t been you for a long time, now that I’m realising it.”

“Obviously not. People change.” Lauren barks out, and Camila can see the walls going up. “But, come _on_ , Camz, it’s not like I’m some different person, I’m still your best friend--”

“ _No you’re not_ ,” Camila snaps at her, finally pushing her away for good, “you haven’t been my best friend since- since you started high school, and I’m sick of constantly defending you to my parents, even to myself, because _you’re_ not the girl I loved, and I know that now. I’m done, Lauren. Go hang out with your _friends_. Your _boyfriend_. Go smoke or shoot yourself up with god knows what, because I’m done. I don’t want to see you again.”

Lauren splutters, and Camila can see the hurt, but she can also see the _anger_. “Fine, you know what? I don’t need you _anyway_. You’re a fucking loser and a _controlling bitch_ and you’re dragging me down and _I’m_ done with _you_ , not the other way around. Fuck you, Camila.”

The words hit her square in the chest, and she doesn’t even notice when the door slams behind her former best friend. All Camila knows is pain, tears, and heartbreak at the fact that this is the best thing she could’ve done.

When she starts school again after summer, Lauren is nowhere to be seen, and there are a million different rumours swirling around. She tries not to care, but she hears things like _I heard she dropped out and ran away, I heard she’s in jail because she got caught dealing,_ or _do you think it was a drug overdose, we all know that group were always on something_.

It freaks her out enough to check Lauren’s social medias, but they’re all dead. All of the photographs on her Instagram had been deleted, except for one.

_liked by_ **camila_cabello, mikejauregui24** _and_ **83 others**  
laurenjauregui: My favourite person in the whole entire world. I love you, Camzi. Happy thirteenth birthday!   
_March 3 rd, 2010_


	2. 1

Four years later, and Camila hasn’t thought about Lauren Jauregui in years.

After she’d cut that toxicity out of her life, she was so much happier. Sure, she had a lot of heartbreak over losing her best friend, but it’s not like Lauren was her best friend anymore. In reality, she’d lost her a long time ago.

She’d kept working on her YouTube channel, and by her eighteenth birthday, she hit one million subscribers, and it was her full-time occupation. School was still lonely, but she’s made friends with some other YouTubers, and she meets them all in person at her first ever VidCon, where she’s a featured creator. She has to speak on a panel, which is probably the scariest thing she’s ever done, but she gets to meet her viewers and thank them for everything they’ve done for her, _and_ meet her YouTuber friends in person at the creator party. She’d felt a little out of place, but Dinah Jane, a beauty guru with _four million_ subscribers had walked over to her and invited her back up to her hotel room with a few other people that Camila had practically idolised over the years.

The second she graduated, she moved out to LA and into a house with her best friends, Dinah Jane Hansen, Normani Kordei Hamilton, two of the biggest beauty channels on the platform, and Ally Brooke Hernandez, who specialises in cooking videos, but occasionally branches out into comedy with a few characters she’s created; the most popular series on her channel is where she plays a character called Yolanda and interviews other YouTubers with hilarious results.

That’s where she’s been ever since, her hobby as her job, financially secure at nineteen years old, and finally _happy_.

“I need some Cheetos or I’m going to kill every single one of you.”

Camila snorts as Dinah sits up on the couch, shooting daggers at her. “Bad cramps?”

“Yes, now get your not so little Cuban ass to the store,” Dinah glares at her, lying back on the makeshift bed she’d created on the couch and flipping through the channels. “Otherwise I’ll murder everyone in this apartment.”

Camila is used to Dinah’s empty threats at this point, but she leaves her video half-edited and stands up, grabbing her keys. She’s in her sweatpants, but she doesn’t care, deciding that she’ll pick up some bananas while she’s there. “Ally, Mani, you guys want anything?”

“I’m good,” Normani says, sitting down on couch adjacent to the one Dinah is stretched out on and pulling her socks off, unscrewing the cap on the red nail polish she’s holding. “Ally?”

Ally just nods, concentrating on setting up her camera in the kitchen. “Yeah, I need vanilla essence for these cookies and I forgot I’d used it all.”

Camila nods, making a mental note, and grabs her wallet from where she normally leaves it, leaving the house and trying to avoid the judgemental looks she receives for wandering around in sweatpants. She figures she’ll go to a store a little further out, away from where their house is; the area in LA that they live in is _heavily_ populated with YouTubers, and with that, comes the fans that like to stalk them, and she’d much rather _not_ be asked for a photo when she hasn’t showered and she’s wearing sweats.

She gets an Uber and doesn’t give her driver a destination, just stops when she thinks she’s far enough from their neighbourhood, and thanks him as he gets out. She looks for a grocery store, and finds that she’s close to the UCLA campus when she sees students, grabbing something for their lunch. She grabs a basket, and finds some flamin’ hot Cheetos for Dinah, dumping them in. Wandering around the baking supplies, she gets what Ally had asked for, and walks over to the fruit. _This_ is the part that requires the most attention; Camila likes to have the best quality bananas at the perfect stage of ripeness.

 _“Camila_?”

At that voice, Camila’s heart stops in her chest. _No_ , she thinks, _she can’t be here, she should be in Miami, working nine to five and living with her parents, everyone said she’d dropped out of high school or gotten herself arrested—_

Her train of thought slams into a wall as she meets those hauntingly familiar green eyes. She’s still frozen when Lauren sends her a shy smile, because _that_ is the last reaction she’d expect.

“Hi,” Lauren says, awkwardly rocking on her heels and playing with the bottle of water in her hands, “it’s- um, I didn’t know you lived here.”

“I’ve been here for a year…” Camila manages to get out, her throat tight with worry, “I didn’t know that _you_ did…”

As she trails off, she looks at her, really _sees_ her. She’s older, obviously; she’d be twenty now, Camila realises. Her hair, naturally a dark brown, had been dyed black, and Camila can see the small silver hoop in her left nostril. She’s smiling more; in fact, Camila can see evidence of smile lines starting to leave their faint mark. It’s Lauren’s eyes that she notices the most; towards the end of their friendship, they’d always been dull and grey, but now they seem to have the same bright green sparkle that they’d had the day she’d saved her from a bully.

“Yeah, I’m here for college, actually. I go to UCLA. I’m a junior.” Lauren explains, and Camila tries to make an interested sort of noise as she looks for an escape route. “I have to go, I just stopped in here to grab a bottle of water and something to eat before class, but… yeah. It was nice to see you, you look really good. If you want to hang out sometime... I still have the same number.”

Before Camila can even react to _that_ , Lauren sends her a small smile and leans around her to grab a turkey sandwich from the fridge to Camila’s left, before she heads off towards the checkouts, hips swaying as she walks.

Camila stands there, completely frozen, until someone bumps into her, and she grabs the bunch of bananas she’d been eyeing, quickly checks out, and orders an Uber back to her house in a daze, remembering the last time she’d seen Lauren’s eyes that bright.

**_2011_ **

_They’ve been walking around Disney for around half an hour, Lauren dawdling behind them as their parents debate which ride they should go on first, if they should bother joining the queue for any of the classic rides. Camila feels a little awkward; she’s close with her parents, and she knows Mr and Mrs Jauregui and Lauren’s siblings, but it’s Lauren she doesn’t know anymore. They barely talk, which is why she hates that they’ve brought her on this trip. She wishes she’d had some kind of warning._

_She sighs, looking back at Lauren, and wondering if she should talk to her. She isn’t sure she wants to, but she also wants her best friend back more than anything. She should extend an olive branch, right?_

_She slows her pace, and is level with Lauren after a few moments. Awkwardly, she clears her throat to get the older girl’s attention, and Lauren looks up, eyes grey and dull like the sky before a storm. “Um…”_

_After a few moments of silence, Lauren bites down on her bottom lip and asks, “Are you okay?”_

_She’s surprised by the question, but she’s also a little shocked by how different Lauren’s voice is. It’s raspier and husky, and it just reminds Camila how much more grown up she is, and she hates that it matters now. It never used to matter, that they were a year apart._

_“I was actually going to ask you the same question,” Camila replies, barking out a laugh. “You looked kind of sad, and Disney is supposed to be a happy place…”_

_Lauren looks down at her feet and shrugs. “Just… don’t really want to be here. I had plans.”_

_Of course you did, Camila thinks bitterly, and she wonders if those plans had anything to do with drugs. Most of her plans seemed to; Camila is pretty sure she hasn’t seen Lauren sober since she first started high school._

_That’s when she realises; she’s sober now. Even Lauren isn’t stupid enough to bring whatever she’s been taking to Disney with their parents. Camila generalises it all; she’d assumed it was just marijuana, but when Lauren’s sleeve had rolled up earlier, she’d seen a few angry red marks on the inside of her arm, right where her veins were, and she isn’t sure if she’s more angry or worried._

_Shaking the thought from her head and reminding herself that she’s not Lauren’s keeper, that she’s not even Lauren’s friend anymore, she plasters on a smile. “Well, um, do you want to sit with me on whatever ride our parents settle on?”_

_Lauren is quiet for a few moments, but nods, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hand as she yawns. Camila takes the silent answer as the stop talking to me, and picks up her pace, walking away from the older girl. A few moments later, when their parents decide to get in the line for Space Mountain, Lauren matches Camila’s pace, and she takes her hand as they walk._

_Camila is startled, but when she looks up at Lauren as if to ask why, the older Latina keeps her gaze straight ahead. That had been the only development Camila was hoping for, but once they’ve ridden Space Mountain, it’s like whatever demon that had been possessing her best friend is suddenly exorcised, because Lauren grabs her hand the moment they’re off the ride and fixes her with an electric grin, green eyes bright and vibrant as she tugs her over to the gift shop area. “Camz, oh my god, we have to see our ride photo!”_

_Camila follows her in a daze, and laughs along with Lauren as they find their picture, but she’s more focused on how possibly every cell in her body is bubbling with joy. Lauren had called her_ Camz _for the first time in ages._

_Camila is wary, though; she waits until the day is over, for them to wind down, but Lauren snuggles up next to her in bed, head on her shoulder and Nala cuddled to her chest, and she wonders if she’s finally got her best friend back._

_On day three, they go on the classic rides, saving Peter Pan’s Flight for last. Lauren jumps in the ride car after her and pulls the bar over their laps before Mike can join them, quickly linking her fingers with the younger girl’s. Camila smiles, practically used to the older girl’s touch again, and their car sets off with a shaky jolt._

_Even though she’s a teenager and she’s not supposed to like this ride, it’s her favourite in the park. Camila has always loved these slower rides, where there’s all sorts of little things to look at, because it makes her think of how much work went into it to create such an experience._

_She turns to Lauren when their car gets to the little room, remodelled to look like London in the night, like they’re flying through the sky, completely invincible. “This is my favourite part.”_

_Lauren stares at her in so much awe, and her eyes are so bright even in the darkened room when she leans in and presses a gentle kiss to Camila’s lips. “You’re my favourite part.”_

_Camila’s stomach twists and turns, because it’s not like the other kiss they’d shared, the one that left her so confused, because this time she_ is _kissing the girl with the bright eyes and the soft smiles. This time it’s not some weird power play, it’s not complicated, Lauren isn’t fucking high, it’s just the two of them, and Camila swears that’s when she truly falls for her._

_After the ride, Lauren tugs her to the gift shop and buys her a little Stitch keychain, looking at her with so much adoration that Camila wonders whether she could truly feel the same way._

_Everything seems fine when they say goodbye at the cars, getting ready for the drive back to Miami; Lauren and her family are just going straight home. She hugs Camila goodbye, and lingers a little too long for it to be platonic, but before Camila can ask her about it, she sends her a bright smile, thanks her for an amazing week and ducks into the car, buckling herself in._

_When school rolls around on Monday, Camila is practically bouncing with anticipation. She hadn’t texted Lauren all weekend, since they’d been together for an entire week, and when her mom drops her off at school, she runs in the building, in search of the older girl. When she sees her at her locker, she grins, and runs over, grabbing her arm, “Hey!”_

_Lauren winces and pulls her arm back, and when Camila meets her gaze, her eyes are dull and grey again, and she’s looking at Camila like she’s a complete stranger. “What?”_

_Camila swallows the lump in her throat, mumbles_ nothing _, and runs into the bathroom to cry her eyes out._

Camila pushes the memory away, but it’s hard when she spots that little worn Stitch on her keychain, remembering just how heartbroken she’d been when she reached the crushing realisation that she _hadn’t_ gotten her best friend back.

Just when she’s convinced herself that this doesn’t _matter_ , that Lauren doesn’t matter, she walks in through the front door of their house, throws the bag of Cheetos at Dinah, and sits down, still shellshocked.

Ally takes the vanilla from her with a concerned look. “You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

“That’s because I have,” Camila finally gets out, eyes still wide as she looks around at her concerned roommates. Even _Dinah_ , who is a moody bitch on her period, looks concerned. “I… you guys remember that- that old friend of mine. The one I told you about, who became all toxic. Lauren.”

“Yeah?” Normani looks up from painting her nails, and it seems to click in her head. “Did you run into her?”

Camila nods rigidly. “Mhm. She told me… um, that if I wanted to hang out, I should call. If I wanted.”

There’s a silence after that, because the girls know how much Camila missed Lauren, the _real_ Lauren, not what she became. The quiet is broken by Dinah, as usual. “Obviously you have to call her.”

“ _What_?” Ally looks over at Dinah like she’s sprouted another head. “She can’t do that. She’s told us how toxic this girl was before. Why would she let that back in?”

“Yeah, I’m with Ally, don’t call her,” Normani says, looking up from where she’s doing her nails, “she had her chance and blew it.”

“But she wasn’t toxic all the time, just near the end, when she fell in with the wrong people,” Camila says, and she doesn’t even know why she’s defending her, especially after what she’d been thinking about, “I’m just saying… she was good to me for so long and I… she was just-”

“You told us yourself, you fell in love with your best friend who was toxic and she broke you,” Ally argues with her, “don’t call her. You have no evidence that she’s changed.”

Camila nods along, pushing Dinah’s comment out of her head. “Yeah, you’re right. Lauren is toxic. I shouldn’t call. Thanks, guys.”

So, when she takes her laptop up to her bedroom with the intention of finishing her video editing, she doesn’t call. She puts her phone down on her desk, and turns back to her laptop, and manages ten minutes of editing before she can’t help herself and grabs her phone.

**_Camz (1:09PM): hi_ **

**_Camz (1:10PM): it’s camila by the way I forgot to mention that in my first text_ **

She regrets sending them the instant she does it, but she locks her phone and pushes it away, assuring herself that Lauren won’t reply, that she’d only said to get in contact to be polite, and—

Her phone buzzes.

**_Lauren (1:12PM): Don’t worry, I knew it was you, I’ve never lost your number. It was really good to see you again. You looked great. Any reason you’re texting?_ **

Camila reads the words on the screen and doesn’t know how to respond, but she can’t tell the girls, because they’d tell her how stupid she is for texting (except maybe Dinah.)

**_Camz (1:15PM): you looked good too_ **

She figures that avoiding the question all together might be better, but it all feels a little awkward and strained, and the answer _you told me to_ isn’t good enough.

**_Lauren (1:17PM): Can we just skip the awkward pleasantries? It’s weird and I don’t like it, so I’m just going to come right out and say it; I’ve missed you._ **

Camila stares down at the words, the words she’s wished to see since the day they’d fought. Since _before_ that, even. _Lauren misses her_. The thought makes her insides squirm, but the rational side of her understands that things with Lauren weren’t all sunshine and rainbows; Lauren had led her on for almost a whole year, kissed her when she felt like it but ignored Camila’s real feelings, and that doesn’t even skim the surface of her behaviour back then.

 _But that was years ago_ , that little part of her, the part that has genuinely missed Lauren, pipes up, _she could be different now. She could be herself again. She looked like it._

 _Yes, but she looked like it at Disney too, and we know how that worked out,_ Camila reminds herself, _don’t trust her._

**_Camz (1:20PM): i’ve missed you too_ **

**_Camz (1:20PM): i’m messaging because if you’re not busy we could maybe catch up?_ **

She sends the message without thinking about it, already hearing the girls chastising her for her split-second decision. Ninety percent of the time, when you cut someone out of your life for their toxicity, it’s not a smart idea to let them back in. But it’s _Lauren_ , and Camila will always have a special place in her heart for the tiny little girl who’d saved her from a bully.

 _But you don’t know she’s not still shooting herself up with whatever drug she can get,_ Camila reminds her, _you can’t be associated with that._

**_Lauren (1:24PM): Of course! I’d love that. When are you free?_ **

**_Lauren (1:25PM): Sorry for slow replies, by the way. I’m in a lecture so I’ve got to be subtle._ **

**_Camz (1:25PM): i can do pretty much any day except wednesdays/thursdays_ **

She leaves out that those are her filming and editing days; she remembers Lauren’s initial reaction to her YouTube, and how she’d laughed at it, told her it was _lame_ that she spent so much time cooped up in her room filming when she should be out making friends, telling her that she was _painting a target on her back_. Camila had never mentioned that _Lauren_ was the reason she was spending so much time on her own, because Lauren only bothered to contact her when her other, cooler friends were busy, or when she wanted a warm body to keep her occupied.

**_Lauren (1:29PM): I’m free on Fridays, so we could meet for lunch if you’re down._ **

**_Lauren (1:30PM): Not going to lie, I specifically picked my classes so I would have my Fridays free. Nothing better than a long weekend. :)_ **

The _long weekend_ comment makes Camila worry, because of all the weekends Lauren would go out and get drunk and high on god knows what back in Miami. It makes her hesitant, because maybe Lauren hasn’t changed, maybe she’s still exactly the same and she’s just putting up a front, but she tries to shake it off. No, she definitely seems more mature.

**_Camz (1:35PM): yeah haha i guess more time for you to go out with friends_ **

**_Lauren (1:35PM): More like more time to sleep. When you’re a college student, you need as much as you can get._ **

**_Lauren (1:36PM): Anyway, where do you want to meet for lunch? I’d offer to make it and invite you over, but my rent money just came out, so I’m living off ramen right now. Not exactly the most exquisite cuisine._ **

**_Camz (1:37PM): i don’t mind just grabbing mcdonalds or something_ **

**_Lauren (1:40PM): Alright. Where’s your closest one? I’ll meet you there. :)_ **

Camila sends her the location, confirming the plans, and when she walks out to the kitchen to get a snack, Normani fixes her with a knowing look. “You called her, didn’t you?”

“No,” Camila answers, because it’s not a lie, “I texted her. There’s a difference.”

“Of course you did,” Normani rolls her eyes, “well, don’t say we didn’t warn you.”

Camila forces a laugh as she digs around the fridge for a quick snack, hoping to god that Normani and Ally are wrong, and that things won’t go the way they expect.

 **this video won’t surprise any of you (i’m gay)**  
_10,004,459 views_  
Camila Cabello ----------- SUBSCRIBE: 3.4M  
Published on Jul 27, 2014

“So, hi,” Camila announces, trying not to laugh as she looks at the camera, “I’m Camila, I’m seventeen, I’m gay, and I probably titled this video something really stupid.”

Putting on a dramatic look, pretending like she’s going to cry, she says, “I know it might be a shock to a lot of you… just kidding, all of you fucking knew, I just wanted to get me looking sad for a clickbait thumbnail. Anyway, I don’t really know what to say now I’ve said that, so… see you next week, I guess.”

The video cuts to Camila’s outro card with all of her social media links, and just as the video ends, it cuts back to her, announcing, “Oh, yeah, and I’ve always known. Bye!”

_[Write a comment…]_

**Camila Cabello:** i can’t believe i made a clickbaity thirty second video to come out and it hit ten million views two years later like wow you guys really have some low standards why did you let me get big on here

_liked by_ **normani** _,_ **allybrooke** _and_ **49,532 others**  
camila_cabello: me when i see a girl i like  
_14 hours ago_

 **dinahjane97:** unfollowed blocked and reported  
   **camila_cabello:** do u exist just to mock me  
    **dinahjane97:** What are best friends for lol

 **camilizersss:** wait but how did you take this if we can see both of your hands  
    **camila_cabello:** um fake fan you should know i have magical powers

 **laurenjauregui** _followed_ **camila_cabello!**


	3. 2

Camila waits outside of the McDonald’s, anxiously playing with a loose thread on the hem of her shirt. She’d considered just not showing, because when she’d woken up that day, the nerves she felt weren’t her usual Friday nerves. Those are feelings of excitement, looking forward to what her viewers will think of her next video. This week, she’d gone back to her roots and posted a cover, scheduled to make itself available at 6PM, and she’d almost finished editing together her vlog for her second channel, which she plans on posting tomorrow. Usually, she vlogs Monday through Friday, and posts it on the following Monday, but she isn’t sure if Lauren will want to be in it, or if she’s even going to bother bringing it up to her.

She decides not to as she waits, her heart sinking when she realises that Lauren is late. Granted, it’s only 1:35, a whole five minutes after the time they’d decided to meet, but the feeling of worry is all too familiar. She’s no stranger to making plans with Lauren and getting stood up because something better came along.

When the clock turns to 1:36, the anxiety in her chest bubbles up, and she considers just turning around and leaving. She almost does it, and she’s just about to push away from the wall she’s leaning against and walk back home when she hears that familiar raspy voice.

“Camila! Hey!” Lauren comes to a stop in front of her, pausing to get her breath back. “Sorry, my roommate borrowed my keys last night and didn’t put them back where I usually leave them, so I had a little bit of a freak out when I was about to leave the house.”

Camila isn’t sure if she’s relieved that she’s shown up. Instead, she puts on a polite smile, her walls securely up. “Hi. It’s okay. It’s only five minutes.”

“Yeah, but still, I usually pride myself on my timekeeping skills,” Lauren comments, nodding towards the automatic doors to their left. “Come on. Let’s get a seat.”

Camila nods, and follows her inside, feeling awkward and uncomfortable. It’s weird to her; at one point, Lauren knew everything there was to know about her, but now she’s virtually a stranger. A few years ago, Camila and Lauren were closer than two people could be, and now she doesn’t know anything about her. She doesn’t even know something as mundane as what Lauren is studying.

When Lauren spots a table, she doesn’t hesitate to grab Camila by the wrist and pull her over to it, and the younger Latina shivers under her touch. The last time Lauren had touched her, they were kissing, and Camila swears she was in love.

“You guard the table,” Lauren says, letting go of her arm as quickly as she’d taken hold of it, “I’ll get the food. You still get the twenty nuggets share box with barbecue sauce?”

Surprised that she remembers, Camila nods. “Um, yeah.”

“Okay. And diet Coke?” Lauren asks, and Camila nods again, bewildered, “Alright. Be right back.”

Camila watches after her as she walks over to join the queue to order. She sighs, wishing she didn’t feel so weird and uncomfortable. Clearly, Lauren isn’t having any trouble talking to her, but Lauren had _always_ been like that. She can’t remember Lauren ever struggling to make conversation with anyone. It was one of the big difference she’d noticed between them when she and Lauren started growing apart; Lauren was an extrovert, and Camila was an introvert.

When Lauren comes back with the food on a tray, she sits down across from Camila and sends her a shy smile. Admittedly, when she passes over Camila’s big twenty nugget box and drink, she feels like she’s maybe ordered a little too much, because Lauren’s just ordered a double cheeseburger and a small drink, but she tries not to care.

 _It’s just Lauren_ , she tries to assure herself, but it’s impossible to believe, because Lauren has never been just _anything_ to Camila.

“How come you’re living out here, then?” Lauren asks after a few moments of awkward silence. “Which college are you going to?”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip and delays her answer by biting into a chicken nugget. She shrugs mildly as she eats, and when she’s finished, she just says, “I didn’t think college would be right for me, so I’m not…”

“Oh,” Lauren blinks in surprise, and occupies herself with taking the pickles out of her burger. It makes Camila smile; when they were younger, Lauren would always order her burger as it was, and take out the pickles herself, wanting to make life easier for the fast food workers. Camila, who didn’t mind pickles, always had Lauren’s extra in her own burger. “So… you’re taking a gap year? Or… working?”

“Yeah, I’m working,” Camila brightens when she realises she can just leave it at that, and before Lauren can ask her anything else, she says, “what about you? You mentioned you were at UCLA.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m studying law and forensics,” Lauren announces, and Camila looks at her in surprise, but tries to mask it quickly. Lauren catches the look and chuckles lightly. “Don’t look so shocked. It’s actually really interesting.”

“I never knew you were out here,” Camila blurts out, cringing when the words spill out of her mouth. At Lauren’s inquisitive look, she continues, “like, I just… I still have your mom on Facebook and she never really posts anything, so I didn’t know what you were doing…”

“My mom doesn’t know how to work Facebook,” Lauren snorts, “so you wouldn’t see her posting anything. One time she tried to update her status through the Google search bar.”

“It’s just…” Camila starts, but thinks better of it and shakes her head, “never mind.”

Lauren frowns at her. “Just _what_?”

“You just kind of disappeared,” Camila lets out, cringing at herself yet again. _Why are you bringing this up, idiot_? She asks herself, _what if Lauren doesn’t want to talk about it? You’re not friends anymore, you don’t have a right to know._ “After we… after we fought, I didn’t see you all summer, and then when school started again, you just weren’t there. There were loads of rumours and I just… I was really worried because I didn’t know what had happened to you. It didn’t seem like anybody did; even Brad and all your other friends didn’t know.”

Lauren is quiet at the words, and she seems to consider her answer as she takes a long sip of her drink. Finally, she shrugs and says, “I transferred schools.”

Camila sighs, eating another nugget, but nods and accepts the answer. “Okay.”

She’d figured out that much, but after that, she never saw Lauren around and all of her social medias were dead. Eventually, Camila had stopped checking them, and unfollowed her, but she never found out where Lauren had gone.

It’s awkward; it’s like the question had built some invisible wall between them, and Camila almost considers grabbing her nuggets and running away when Lauren speaks up.

“I’m sorry.”

She expects something else after it, and looks up in surprise when Lauren doesn’t continue that with _this was a mistake, I have to go._ She frowns at the older girl. “What?”

“For everything that happened back then.” Lauren finally continues, and Camila hadn’t expected to hear the words. “I was a shitty friend to you and I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way and there’s no excuse for it.”

Camila blinks in surprise, the words sinking in slowly but surely. As she comes to understand what Lauren is really saying, a smile finally finds its way onto Camila’s face. “I forgive you.”

It’s Lauren’s turn to look surprised. “You do?”

“Yeah,” Camila murmurs, biting into another nugget. “I forgive you.”

“But… why?” Lauren frowns at her, like Camila had just asked her for the answer to a complicated math problem. “After everything? Even after… after I took advantage of you and your feelings?”

Camila just shrugs. “I’m not saying it didn’t hurt, but I meant it when I said that it wasn’t you. I mean, it _was_ , but you were being taken advantage of too. That… that boyfriend you had, I saw how much… influence he had over you. It’s not your fault that you fell for it. And, you know, the _other_ stuff… would’ve influenced you too.”

Lauren sighs, running a hand through her hair. “I know, but I still-”

“But I forgive you,” Camila interrupts her, and bravely, she reaches across the table and takes Lauren’s hand, giving it a small squeeze. “Besides, you seem like you’re in a better place now.”

Lauren stays quiet, and Camila moves her hand away and starts eating again. She’s silent for a few minutes, before she finally announces, “My parents sent me to boarding school.”

Camila blinks in surprise. “What?”

“When I changed schools in junior year. It wasn’t willingly, they sent me to boarding school. More of a reform school, but still. Fighting with you was the last straw for them, and they caught me dealing, so they sent me away to boarding school.” Lauren tells her. “I hated it at first because it was really strict, and they had uniforms and everything, but looking back, I’m glad they did it. It got me away from Brad and everyone, and I got my grades back on track, and now I’m studying at a good university, and I have good friends, and… yeah.”

After a few moments, Camila smiles. “Well… I’m glad you’re in a good place.”

“Can we…” Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, “can we be friends again? I know it’s like, so second grade to ask that, but… I miss you. More than anything.”

“You do?” Camila blurts out, and she feels bad that she sounds so doubtful. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to apologise for,” Lauren answers. “But yes. I’ve missed you. You were my best friend for like a decade and I know you probably don’t trust me enough to want-”

“We can be friends again,” Camila announces, and she wonders if she’ll regret this decision, because admittedly, she’s still a little wary. “I missed you too, Lo.”

Lauren grins, a full frontal, toothy kind of grin that lights up her entire face. Camila hadn’t seen her eyes so bright since before she fell in with Brad and everyone, and it makes her hope that maybe Lauren has changed. “Okay. Good. That’s- yeah. Good. So, um… what have you been up to?”

Finally, Camila decides that maybe she can tell her the truth. “Um… well, you remember that- um, those YouTube videos I used to post? I’m still… doing that.”

“Oh, really?” Lauren smiles, and Camila waits for the _that’s a little sad_ , but she just says, “Well, I’m glad you’re still doing something you’re passionate about. Send me the link, I’ll watch a couple.”

Camila blushes. “I mean… it won’t be hard to find if you just search my name up. That’s kind of why I’m out here, it’s like my job, and this is where all my YouTube friends are so it’s good for collabs…”

“I’m happy for you,” Lauren smiles at her, “ten times better than being a stressed out college student.”

“No, I mean, when you’re a lawyer or a detective, it’ll all be worth it, right?” Camila answers, finishing off her box of nuggets and pushing it away. “I didn’t even know where to start with applying, so…”

Lauren chuckles, “I wouldn’t have either, if my teachers hadn’t shown me exactly what to do. The personal essay thing made me want to die, because you basically just have to brag about how great you are, and I didn’t really know what to tell them. Like… do I mention that I taught myself to juggle, or is that irrelevant?”

“I don’t know,” Camila laughs, “Maybe that could show you’re determined enough to teach yourself a new skill.”

“More like _bored_ enough,” Lauren smiles at her, finishing off her burger and taking a sip of her Coke. “I’m really glad I ran into you, Camz.”

At the old nickname, Camila sucks in a breath, her heart forgetting to beat for a moment. Lauren seems to think that there’s something wrong, because her smile fades a little and she occupies herself by taking a sip of her drink.

Camila grabs their garbage and puts it all on their tray, and Lauren stands up to take it. Camila bites down on her bottom lip, following her as she dumps their trash in the bins, and quickly blurts out, “I’m glad too. That we ran into each other. Are you… um, free again soon?”

“Yeah,” Lauren assures her, “I’ll text you. If you’re not busy right now you could come with me? I need to get some new jeans. Mine have worn through on the inner thigh. The struggles of being _thick_.”

“Sure, and you’re… kind of perfect, so don’t complain,” Camila accepts, and she’s grateful when Lauren holds the door open for her, because she kind of has a thing about opening doors the general public have touched. She’s not normally a clean-freak, but that kind of thing grosses her out.

She walks out of the McDonald’s, still carrying her drink, and sends a quick text to Dinah to let her know everything went well. She doesn’t realise she’s stepped into the road until Lauren grabs her by the shoulder and pulls her back as a car zooms past.

“ _Jesus_ , Camz- uh, _Camila_ ,” Lauren quickly corrects herself, sighing exasperatedly and looking at her with wide eyes, “How are you even still alive? You’ve been living out here for _how_ long without parental supervision and you _haven’t_ gotten yourself killed yet?”

Camila smiles sheepishly. “Well, if you want to stop yelling and be cheesy about it, we could say that it’s like… we’re meeting again in the same way we met when we were kids. You rescuing me.”

Lauren, who had clearly opened her mouth to keep yelling at her about safety, blinks in realisation, and her face settles into a small smile. “Oh, yeah, I guess so. That’s kind of cute, actually.”

“Yeah.” Camila grins, “so, where do you need to go for jeans?”

“Probably just H&M,” Lauren shrugs, and as they set off down the street, she asks, “so, are you just out here to live with your YouTube friends?”

“Yeah. I’m with a couple other YouTubers, I don’t know if you even watch YouTube so you might not know them,” Camila shrugs, “but I live with Ally Brooke, she does baking and cookery videos, as well as some comedy, and Normani and Dinah Jane, who are both beauty gurus, but Normani also does a little music, too. And then I’m… like, a vlogger, I guess? I vlog, but I also post a weekly video that could be anything, really.”

“Hopefully not cookery, because if I remember correctly, you exploded a potato once by forgetting to pierce it before you put it in the microwave,” Lauren comments, and Camila bursts out laughing, smiling sheepishly, “I actually saw something in a cookbook about a year ago that reminded me of you. My friend Alexa bought me this mug cakes book, where you can make any kind of cake in a mug, and I was reading the introduction part and it said _don’t be disheartened if your cake explodes_.”

“I like that exploding cakes make you think of me,” Camila chuckles, “what’s your living situation like? Are you in dorms, or…?”

“No, not since freshman year, and I’m a junior now,” Lauren answers, “I live in an apartment with a couple of friends. My parents didn’t want me to, but after they’d met my friends and everything, they were fine with it. They don’t really trust people if they haven’t met them.”

“Can I ask you something? And you don’t need to answer if you don’t want to.” Camila prefaces, and Lauren just nods, looking a little intrigued, one of her perfectly bushy eyebrows raised inquisitively. “What was boarding school like? Like, was it like Hogwarts?”

Lauren snorts at the Hogwarts question, and Camila is happy to make her laugh. “Uh, no, not like Hogwarts. It was really strict, so it kind of sucked, and it was a private school, which meant that they were still allowed to use the cane if they wanted to. Which they did.”

Camila’s eyes widen. “But… _what_? That’s illegal, isn’t it?”

“Not in private reform schools, and not in Florida,” Lauren barks out a laugh, “when I first started there, I got it a lot, but then I met my friend Lucy and she reigned me in a little.”

“You could’ve texted me, you know?” Camila says, “I know we had our fight and everything, but you could’ve messaged me, and I would’ve replied. I was really worried when you just dropped off the face of the earth.”

“There’s two reasons why I didn’t. The first being that we weren’t allowed cell phones at school, the only phone was a payphone that we could use to call specific numbers that our parents allowed, so I had no way to contact you, even though I knew you wouldn’t reach out first.” Lauren answers, and she looks away before she continues, under the guise of checking the road they’re about to cross. “And then when I graduated, I thought about calling you for a long time, but I was too scared. You said you were done, that you never wanted to see me again, and I didn’t think I could handle the rejection.”

“But, I mean, we’re talking now, and you’re the one who came up to me at the grocery store,” Camila points out, frowning, “You told me to call you.”

“I don’t know if you could tell, but I was really nervous when I saw you,” Lauren admits, blushing a little, “but I figured maybe it was a sign, and if I extended the olive branch, maybe you’d take it. I didn’t expect you to text me, honestly.”

“I almost didn’t,” Camila says, deciding honesty is the best policy here, “you really hurt me, Lauren. The only reason I told you to stop talking to me was because it was getting too much, and being around you hurt more than losing you would’ve. It was like… like my arm was infected, and the only thing I could do was cut it off, because that’s what it felt like. Losing you felt like losing a _limb_ , losing a big part of me, but it was the only thing I could’ve done. When I saw you, I didn’t know what to think, and I asked my friends about it. Two out of three told me not to contact you, not to let that toxicity back in, but Dinah telling me I had to call you wouldn’t get out of my mind. I figured there’d be no harm in texting, and I knew you seemed different just from our like, five second interaction, so…”

As Camila trails off, Lauren stays quiet, staring ahead as they walk down the street, and Camila figures she’s just not going to comment when Lauren says, “I felt the same way about losing you. But I don’t… I don’t blame you for doing what you did. You’re right, I was toxic. But I promise you, I’m not like that anymore.”

“I know. The thing that made me text you was remembering how good you were to me for all those years,” Camila assures her, not sure if it’s okay for her to hug her, but _really_ wanting to. “The only reason things fell apart was… you know, you falling into the wrong crowd. But… after everything you’ve told me, I have a feeling you’re not going out drinking all the time and smoking and…”

“I do drink,” Lauren admits to her, and Camila frowns slightly, “but only socially, on nights we go clubbing. Probably about every two weeks. And I smoke weed when I’m stressed, so basically when all my college work piles up. Don’t tell my mom. But no… nothing harder.”

“Oh,” Camila’s face sinks into a frown, thinking back to the way Lauren had been before. She knows she’s a college student, that she’s going to party by default, she just hadn’t expected it. “Well, I mean… I won’t tell your mom, and I won’t tell you what to do, but it’s hard not to compare it to everything back then. Especially the smoking.”

“I don’t do cigarettes,” Lauren adds, and that makes it a little better. “Like I said, the smoking is only when I’m stressed, once a month at the most. It’s not like before, I promise, but I thought it’d be best to… you know, be honest with you.”

“I appreciate that,” Camila says, and pushing down any reservations, she rests her hand on Lauren’s upper arm comfortingly, “I… I believe you, Lo.”

“Okay, good,” Lauren smiles, and nods towards H&M Camila can see the red logo up ahead. “Do you need to buy anything?”

“No, not really. I tend to spend my money on guitars, _or_ it just goes back into my videos,” Camila says, “I was actually thinking about starting a new series where- um, but… doesn’t matter.”

“No, tell me,” Lauren looks at her encouragingly, and Camila slows her pace a little when she gets near the automatic doors to the store, because she’s always paranoid they’re going to just _not_ open and she’ll look dumb. “YouTube is something you’re passionate about, right? I want to hear about it. Unless it’s super top secret.”

“Well, I was thinking about starting like, a Postmates series, because Postmates is like, my most used app,” Camila says, “so, I’d give them a budget and a place and tell them to go nuts. Buy whatever they want. Then I’ll open it on camera.”

“That sounds interesting. Like, you mean clothes? Like a haul?” Lauren asks, and Camila’s heart kind of flips, because all she’d wanted when she first started YouTube had been her best friend’s interest in it. “Or… you could do food, maybe. Branch out from your diet of chicken nuggets and pizza.”

Camila snorts. “Hey, you haven’t seen me for four years, you don’t know what my diet is like. I could’ve turned into the least picky person on the planet.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows, grabbing Camila’s hand and pulling her towards the jeans section. “Have you?”

Camila, a little stunned by the sudden handholding, she swallows the lump in her throat and manages a laugh. “Well, no, but you had no proof of that.”

“Thought so,” Lauren laughs, dropping her hand in favour of looking through a pile of black jeans. “Can you look for my size, please? I’m an eight or a ten, depending on the place, but I tend to be an eight here.”

“Sure,” Camila nods, and looks through a few of the hangers nearby, “skinny jeans?”

“Yeah,” Lauren confirms, but Camila had known that already, “preferably ripped, but either way is fine.”

“Oh, I found a ripped pair here,” Camila tells her, pulling them from the hanger, and she’s hit with a sudden wave of déjà vu. It’s all very middle school, shopping with Lauren, and she has to admit, a part of her feels a little nostalgic. “Are you going to try them on and model for me?”

“Of course,” Lauren grins, grabbing another non-ripped pair in her size, as Camila eyes up a grey flannel shirt. She follows her gaze and smiles, walking over to the rack, “You want this?”

“Yeah, but I don’t need it,” Camila shrugs, “come on, let’s go to the fitting room.”

Lauren grabs one of the shirts from the rack and hums. “This looks like your size. Come on, let’s go.”

“Wait, no, Lauren,” Camila splutters, but Lauren grabs her wrist with her free hand and pulls her towards the fitting rooms, “seriously, I’m saving up for a new camera-”

“That’s why I’m buying it for you,” Lauren easily replies, and before Camila can protest, she pulls her into a booth in the fitting rooms and pulls the curtain shut behind them. “Try it on.”

Camila frowns, as Lauren dumps the jeans on the little seat in the corner of the cubicle and slips out of the curtain. She sighs, knowing how stubborn Lauren can be, and tries the shirt on, reflecting on how _easy_ this all feels. Sure, it was awkward when they first met, but as the afternoon has worn on, it’s like no time has passed, like they’d never fought. She isn’t sure to be afraid of that or not.

She looks herself over in the mirror, and she has to admit, she really likes the shirt, but she doesn’t want to let Lauren buy it for her. She pulls the curtain open, and meets Lauren’s gaze. The older girl grins. “You look great.”

“I’m not letting you buy it,” Camila warns her, “I can afford to buy it myself.”

Lauren just shrugs as Camila closes the curtain again. “I don’t care.”

Huffing as she takes the shirt off, a good argument pops up in her head. “Well, didn’t you say your rent just came out so you’re living off ramen for a while? You can’t afford to fritter all your money away on me when you can only afford _ramen_.”

“Again, I don’t care,” Lauren says once Camila comes back out of the cubicle wearing her own shirt. Lauren bypasses her and kicks off her sneakers, grabbing the jeans and closing the curtain again. “Consider it a present for the missed birthdays and Christmases.”

“Then, by that logic, I’ll buy your jeans for you,” Camila grins, happy she’s found a compromise, “Is that okay?”

She hears Lauren’s hum of consideration, before the curtain opens again, and Lauren is wearing the ripped jeans Camila had picked out. “I may consider that. What do you think?”

“I think you look good,” Camila smiles, and when Lauren turns around again, her gaze lingers on her ass, “ _really_ amazing.”

“Tanks, Camz,” Lauren says in her baby voice, before she closes the curtain, and Camila’s stomach squirms again, “sorry, uh, you didn’t seem to like it when I called you that in McDonald’s-”

“I do!” Camila blurts out, cutting her off. “I did like it. I was just surprised, because literally nobody other than you has ever called me that, and I missed it. I didn’t realise how much I missed it.”

“Well…” Lauren smiles, opening the curtain again, not bothering to try on the other pair of jeans and in her own again, “that’s okay then.”

She grabs the shirt from Camila and walks out of the fitting rooms, the younger Latina following behind. “Can I pay for your jeans, then?”

Lauren hums again, looks at the price tag of both items, and smiles satisfactorily. “Okay.”

“I’m surprised you caved,” Camila says, grabbing her debit card from her pocket. Recently, she’s gone through a phase of ditching her purse and just stuffing some cash and her card in her pocket, and it’s actually quite liberating. “Bet it’s because the jeans cost more.”

“It’s the opposite, actually,” Lauren sticks her tongue out at her, “Come on, let’s pay.”

Once they’ve both bought the other’s item, and swap as they walk out of the store, Camila checks the time on her phone and knows she should probably get home and finish editing so she can be done by the time Ally makes dinner – which, incidentally, is Ally’s video for that week.

“I had fun meeting you, Lo,” Camila smiles, entirely relieved that this had gone well, “and I’m really glad we live in the same city.”

“Me too,” Lauren replies, catching onto what the sentiment means, “you have to go, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Camila says, smiling sheepishly, “I’ve still got some editing to do for my Monday video, and I don’t like to work on weekends.”

“Alright, well… I’ll text you?” Lauren asks, nervously tapering off into a question, but when Camila nods, she smiles. “Um, yeah. I’ll see you soon.”

“Wait,” Camila pouts as Lauren turns to leave, “hug me.”

All the tension and awkwardness seems to leave Lauren’s body as she falls into the hug, nuzzling her nose into the crook of Camila’s neck, and Camila had forgotten just how much she loved snuggling with Lauren, remembering countless days they’d spent cuddling on the couch watching movies, even as little kids.

“I’ll text you about meeting again soon,” Lauren murmurs into her shoulder, before she finally pulls away and Camila feels like all the warmth has been sucked from her body. “Bye, Camz.”

Camila watches her as she walks down the street, until she’s finally dissolved into the crowds, and finds herself missing her already.

 **TAYLOR SWIFT: BEGIN AGAIN COVER BY CAMILA CABELLO  
**_937,239 views_ ****  
Camila Cabello ---------- SUBSCRIBE: 3.4M  
Published on Sep 16, 2016

“Go easy on me, guys,” Camila jokes as she picks up her guitar, “I know it’s been a minute since I did a cover, but bear with me. This is one of my favourite songs on probably my favourite album by Taylor Swift, because I really love the message of it all. Here we go.”

 _liked by_ **laurenjauregui, dinahjane97** _and_ **102,065 others**

 **camila_cabello:** not to be dramatic or anything but i love girls  
_an hour ago_

 _view comments_  
**dinahjane97:** Gurl we get it your gay you can shut up about it now  
   **camila­_cabello:** it’s *you’re, bitch

 **laurenjauregui:** Nice shirt, and that caption is a mood.

 **camila_cabello** _followed_ **laurenjauregui** _!_


	4. 3

“You’re hanging out with her again?”

Camila shoulders her backpack, turning around to meet Normani’s gaze, and she has to admit, her friend looks a little judgemental. “Yeah. Why?”

“Be careful, okay?” Normani tells her, pausing to take a sip of her coffee. “From what you’ve told me, this girl really fucked you up before, and I don’t want you getting hurt.”

Camila smiles, and pulls her backpack onto her shoulders, before wrapping her arms around Normani as she eats her dinner. “Aw, thanks, Mani. Relieved you actually care about me.”

“Alright, alright, get off me,” Normani rolls her eyes as Camila finally releases her and heads over to the door. “Have fun.”

“I will,” Camila smiles, “see you tomorrow!”

She gets an Uber to Lauren’s apartment, but she probably could’ve walked there, and makes a mental note to walk home tomorrow; then again, maybe it was further than it seemed. When she gets to the building, she rings the bell to Lauren’s apartment, and the door clicks open to let her in. Double checking the apartment number from the text Lauren had sent her earlier, she gets the elevator to the third floor and finds the door, knocking loudly.

It swings open, and Lauren sends her the brightest smile. “Hey, Camz.”

“I’m still sort of… socially awkward,” Camila ignores the greeting as Lauren steps aside to let her in. “I’m sorry if your roommates think I’m some kind of psycho. Oh, and hi.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve explained who you are,” Lauren laughs, “I mean, Lucy already knew about you, from what I told her at school, but Alexa and Keana didn’t.”

Camila, a little surprised that Lauren had mentioned her before, blushes, and lets her backpack slip off her shoulder. “Where should I put this?”

“My bedroom,” Lauren says, and takes the bag off her, arm dropping a little from its weight. “Jesus, what do you have in here?  _Bricks_?”

Camila laughs. “No, my overnight stuff, and I’ve got my vlogging camera and laptop in there. I wasn’t sure if you’d be okay with me waving a camera around in your home, so it’s totally cool if you don’t want me to.”

Lauren frowns. “Did you forget to film your video or something? You told me it goes up on Fridays.”

“Yeah, it does, I’ve already filmed and uploaded that, at six,” Camila explains, following Lauren across the lounge area, her gaze flicking to a girl sat watching TV. Lauren doesn’t make a move to introduce her, leading her through the kitchen and down a little concealed hallway with one two doors. “This camera is just for vlogs. I film what I’m doing Monday through Friday, and edit as I go along, then post on a Monday.”

“Oh, well, you can film this, I don’t mind,” Lauren assures her, pointing to the door on their right, “this is the bathroom that all my stuff is in, so you can use that one, and  _this,”_   Lauren continues, pushing open the door straight ahead of them to reveal a little bedroom. “This is my humble abode. It’s the smallest room in the apartment,  _but_  I have my own bathroom and I’m close to the kitchen for midnight snacks, so I think I win.”

Lauren drops Camila’s bag on a perfectly made double bed, and before Camila thinks about how much of an awkward question it is, she asks, “Am I sleeping with you?  _Wait_ , no, I didn’t mean it in like, the sexy way, I mean-”

Lauren’s snort at the initial question turns into a full-blown laughing fit as Camila continues. She sends her a grin and flops down onto the bed in question, smoothing out a little wrinkled part in the black sheets. “I knew what you meant, loser. And yes, unless you’re not comfortable with that. I can take the couch if you don’t want to share a bed with me.”

Camila shakes her head, sitting down next to Lauren on the bed. “That’s okay, we’ve shared a bed millions of times.”

“Not for five years, though. Not since Disney.” Lauren points out, and Camila has to admit that she has a point, but it doesn’t make her feel uncomfortable at all. If anything, it feels like no time has passed since Lauren was her best friend. For some reason, Lauren has that effect on her. “So, you know, it’s okay if you feel differently about it.”

“I don’t,” Camila assures her, before looking around Lauren’s bedroom, pushing herself off the bed to look at the Polaroid pictures stuck to the navy blue wall behind her dresser. “These are cute.”

Lauren stands up and joins her, “I like to lug my camera around everywhere and document good nights with pictures. I guess we’re kind of similar in that aspect.”

Camila laughs. “Yeah, I guess so. Is that me?”

Lauren follows Camila’s finger to the picture of the two of them, probably around age fifteen and sixteen, standing by the Disney castle in Orlando. Camila remembers that trip, and any time she’d think about it, she’d get an ache in her heart, remembering how much she’d missed Lauren. That was the last good time they’d really had together; Lauren had acted like herself, like her dorky best friend. Camila was just relieved that she actually got to spend a week with her (and their parents) with no stupid  _Brad_  interfering. She never got that again after the trip.

“Yeah,” Lauren awkwardly chuckles, “if I’d remembered that was there, I would’ve taken it down so I didn’t look like some kind of stalker.”

“No, I’m glad you’ve got it up there. It makes me happy,” Camila reassures her, flashing her a small smile. “Anyway, what’s the plan for tonight?”

Lauren hums in thought. “Have you had dinner?”

“Nope,” Camila shakes her head, her stomach growling at just the right time to reinforce this, “why? Are we ordering takeout?”

“I was going to offer to cook, but you look a little too excited at the possibility of pizza and I don’t want to break your heart,” Lauren smiles, and for just a  _second_ , she looks at Camila with so much adoration that it makes the younger girl’s heart lurch. “It’s your choice. I’m fine with whatever.”

“No, you can cook for me if you want! Do you know how to make pizza?” Camila asks, and she’s so distracted by pizza that for a moment, she almost doesn’t notice the big sweeping curtains perpendicular to her bed. “Wait, why do you randomly have curtains up there?”

“That goes out to my balcony,” Lauren grins, “I know, that’s why I shotgunned this room before everyone else could. And for the bathroom. The girls all went looking at the three bedrooms that are across the apartment, and I was confused, because it was advertised as a four bed, and I found this, saw the balcony and said  _this is mine_. And  _Lucy’s_  the real smoker, but still, first come, first served.”

“Do you go out there a lot?” Camila asks, and Lauren nods, “I would, too. Seems like a good place to write songs.”

“We can go out later, if you want. I have a bottle of wine we could share, if you’re down for that.” Lauren offers, and while Camila isn’t a big drinker, she doesn’t mind a glass of wine every once in a while. When she’s home in Miami, sometimes she’ll stay up and watch something with her mom, and they’ll share a bottle of wine. “If not, you know, no pressure.”

“Sure,” Camila decides, “red or white?”

“Red,” Lauren says, crossing over to the white door of her closet and opening it up, going up on her tiptoes to grab the bottle from the top shelf, “I have to keep it in here because you can’t trust  _anyone_  in this house when it comes to alcohol.”

Camila laughs, and when Lauren puts the bottle on her dresser, she realises, “you know, it’s kind of like a rite of passage for us to get drunk together. Childhood friends reaching like, adulthood or something.”

“Okay, sure, let’s pretend that’s a thing,” Lauren laughs, nodding towards the kitchen, “come on, you can help me make the pizza dough. Ideally, you’re supposed to let it sit for a little bit after you make it, but I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Camila nods, and follows Lauren out into the kitchen again, when the older girl smiles at one of her roommates. Admittedly, Camila is a little intimidated by how pretty she is. “Lucy! This is Camila.”

Lucy looks between them for a moment, sends Lauren a look Camila struggles to decipher, and fixes the younger girl with a smile. “It’s nice to finally put a face to the name. Lauren hasn’t shut up about you for the past week.”

“She mentioned you guys went to school together,” Camila comments, the  _she hasn’t shut up about you_  making her heart race a little, “I’m glad she’s had someone to look after her in these last few years.”

Lucy smiles, and Lauren just pouts. “I don’t need looking after.  _I’m_  the one that protects  _you_ , Camila.”

“Maybe when I was six,” Camila teases her as Lucy grabs a glass of water and heads back over to the couch. Once she’s sure she’s out of earshot, Camila comments, “she’s pretty. So, um, it was an all girl’s school you went to?”

Catching on easily, Lauren laughs. “Are you asking if we’re together?”

Camila blushes. “Um, no. If you  _are_ , though, I’ll support you and stuff. Because you’re my friend.”

“We’re not together, but we  _did_  hook up back in school. We shared a bedroom, and in a single-gender, heteronormative Christian reform school full of teenagers, it happens, so…” Lauren shrugs, digging through the cupboards and pulling out a sack of flour. “She has a girlfriend, and I’m single, if that’s what you’re fishing for.”

“I’m not fishing for anything,” Camila mumbles, still red in the face. “Just… gossiping with my friend.”

Lauren meets her gaze for a moment and sends her a knowing smile and she rifles through the cupboard for a bowl. “Sure. What about you, then?”

Camila blushes, distracting herself by playing with the wooden spoon Lauren gets out of a drawer. “Oh, um, been single for a while. I dated another YouTuber for a little while, but it didn’t work out. We’re still… kinda friends, though. I think it was the fact that she was a YouTuber too that made it a little… hard.”

“Sorry it didn’t work out.” Lauren says, not looking up as she pours the flour she’s weighed out into the big bowl with yeast and some salt, and starts to push it all to the sides, leaving a hole in the middle. “So, tell me about how everything in school was after I left. Did you make some friends?”

“No, not really,” Camila shrugs, not caring how unpopular she was back in school, “in my senior year, when my YouTube really took off, people started being friendly, but I knew not to let them take advantage of me. I’d already made good friends through YouTube, but Ally, Mani and Dinah were already out here, so I had to wait until I graduated to move.”

“You’ve been out here for a year?” Lauren asks her, pouring some warm water into the little well she’d created and starting to mix it. “I’ve been here for two. I’m surprised we haven’t run into each other sooner.”

Camila just shrugs as Lauren digs around for a little olive oil and pours it into the well with the water, where it’s all starting to form into a dough. “I guess. What’re you going to do once you graduate? Go back to Miami?”

“I don’t know,” Lauren laughs a little, finally finishing combining the mixture. She grabs a handful of flour from the sack and dumps it all over the counter, “I think that’s what my mom wants, but I think I might stay here, try to get a job, maybe with the police department. I’m really into criminal law, but if a job at a law firm opened up, I would go for it.”

“Why are you just dumping flour everywhere?” Camila asks as Lauren spreads it out with her hands, “You’re going to have to clean all that up, you know.”

Lauren just laughs, and holds up her flour-covered hands, quickly wiping one on Camila’s face before she can react and cackling. “Too easy. Here, you roll it out.”

She grabs a rolling pin from a drawer as Camila wipes her cheek with her arm and scowls at her. Taking the rolling pin from Lauren, she tries to flatten the dough with her hands first, before rolling it out on the flour covered counter.

“TV shows.” Lauren announces, stopping Camila before she can roll any further and splitting the dough in half. “What’s your favourite show?”

“Um,” Camila frowns in thought, because she doesn’t necessarily have a favourite, “anything gay.”

Lauren snorts. “Relatable. I’m a big fan of  _Game of Thrones_ , half because it’s good TV, and half because Daenerys is canonically bisexual in the books. And I guess the show, since she was kind of obviously flirting with Yara Greyjoy. Fun fact, Dany is actually my Halloween costume this year.”

“We should watch it,” Camila says, finishing rolling out one pizza base, “you know, tonight. We could watch the first episode. I’ve never seen it because I never thought it’d be my kind of thing.”

“Fuck yeah,” Lauren grins, turning around to rifle around the fridge and pulling out a packet of grated cheese, “you’ll love it, seriously. I don’t think I’ve ever actually met someone who’s watched it and hated it. You get a couple of episodes in and you’re hooked.”

“Are we going to watch it before or after we crack open that bottle of wine?” Camila questions, rolling out the second base, deciding to be more precise with Lauren’s, because hers looks more like an octagon than a circle.

“Before. We’ve got to have like, full attention on it,” Lauren says, resting her elbow on the counter and looking up at Camila with a small smile, “maybe we can pull an all-nighter and watch as much as we can.”

“I’m not opposed to that,” Camila grins, “I pull all-nighters to edit all the time.”

At the words, Lauren’s face sinks into a frown. “You know that’s not healthy, right?”

“You worried about me?” Camila sends her a teasing smile. “Don’t worry, I only do it if I changed my mind about not uploading something and I’m trying my best to get something good out. I don’t like to upload anything if it’s going to suck. In fact, there’s a couple of videos I’d rather take down than keep up. Like, some old covers.”

“Is that video we did still up?” Lauren asks her, and Camila hadn’t realised she’d even  _remember_  that, since she was barely in it; it was more a Disney vlog than a video with Lauren. “It’s okay if it is, I don’t mind…”

“It’s not,” Camila answers after a short pause. “I kind of… deleted it after our fight. It was just a reminder of what I’d lost, and what you’d… um, turned into. And I didn’t want to think about it.”

“I’m sorry about the way I reacted to it all. You know, when everyone found out about your channel. I  _wanted_  to be supportive, but it was in front of Brad and everyone when you confronted me and I was a stupid kid and I wanted to look cool.” Lauren sighs, running a hand through her hair and leaving streaks of white flour through black. “And I’m sorry that I was kind of bitchy when you just wanted to include me.”

“Hey,” Camila sends her a comforting smile, putting the rolling pin down and smiling proudly at the two pizza bases, one almost a perfect circle, and the other more than a little crooked. “I told you I forgave you and I meant it. When we fought, my whole reason for finally ending everything between us was because you were like a completely different person. You weren’t the cute little kid who saved me from bullies and wouldn’t go anywhere without the stuffed animal I bought her.”

“I still have Nala, you know,” Lauren comments, “I sleep with her every night. I hid her under my pillows in case you thought it was uncool, because we all know I’m like, the definition of a badass cool - spelled with a k - kid.”

Camila snorts. “Is this you asking me to change your contact name from just plain old Lauren to  _kool kid Lauren_? Because I will.”

“I asked for no such thing, feel free to name me whatever you want,” Lauren says, hesitating and tacking on the end, “just  _please_ , for the love of  _god_ , don’t bring back Lern Jergi.”

Camila grins, pulling out her phone and immediately doing just that. “I changed it to Lern Jergi.”

“Of course you did,” Lauren rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling, and Camila is reminded yet again just how beautiful she is. “You know, I don’t know if this sounds dumb or not, but it feels like nothing has changed. Like no time has passed.”

“ _God_ , I know,” Camila breathes out a sigh of relief. “I felt the same way but I didn’t know if I’d freak you out or not by admitting it. Can we see each other like, every week?”

“Definitely,” Lauren smiles, but it sinks into a frown, “maybe not around exam period when I’m stressed and forget to eat because I’m studying, but we can meet whenever we want.”

“Okay, I’m going to hug you now,” Camila prefaces, and when Lauren pushes off from the counter and snuggles her face into her neck, she sighs happily. “You do know you have flour in your hair, right?”

“Oh, what?” Lauren laughs, pulling away from Camila and messing her hair up to get the flour out. “Alright, now we need some tomato passata, and I’m eighty percent certain that there’s some tinned stuff in the cupboard, but if there isn’t, I might have to run to the store.”

Camila watches as Lauren opens one of the higher cupboards and rifles through a bunch of canned foods until she finds some tinned tomatoes. “That’ll work, right? They’re chopped, but we can just stick them in a bowl and crush them, then dump them on the pizza.”

“Okay,” Lauren gets the tin out of the cupboard and passes Camila the can opener, while she gets a clove of garlic and a crusher, “am I right to trust you with that, or will you need parental assistance?”

“ _Ha ha_ ,” Camila sarcastically responds, grabbing the bowl Lauren offers her and opening the can of tomatoes over the sink. A little bit of the tomato puree drips out before she can dump the whole can into the bowl, but she likes to think it’s not that big a deal. “Here.”

Lauren uses a spoon to crush any of the tomato chunks, and then pushes the bowl over to her. “You decorate yours first. If you want me to cook some bacon or something so you can put that on there, I will, but we don’t have any pepperoni or anything, so it’ll be just cheese otherwise.”

Camila spoons a generous amount of tomato sauce onto her base, and dips her hand into the big pack of grated cheese that Lauren had given her, sprinkling a decent amount on it. She smiles satisfactorily, and as Lauren is putting the toppings on her pizza, she opens up the fridge and spots the thing she wants. “Hey, Lo, is anything in here off limits?”

“Please don’t tell me you’re going to try and make the weirdest pizza you can,” Lauren laughs, but shakes her head, “and no, we all go to the grocery store together and just split the bill four ways, so everything in the fridge is fair game.”

“Okay,” Camila grabs the little box of pineapple out and takes out a few slices, dropping it on her pizza. Lauren stares at her in disgust, and Camila just laughs; she’d known this would annoy her. “Don’t start.”

Lauren glares down at Camila’s pizza, but her eyes widen and she smacks herself on the forehead. “We didn’t turn the fucking oven on.”

Camila laughs as Lauren stomps over to the oven and turns it on and up to the right temperature. “Wow, glare at it like it killed your whole family. What made you learn to cook, anyway?”

“Ramen gets pretty boring, and when you don’t have your mom or the school cook to do it for you, you pick up a few things,” Lauren shrugs, “I basically got addicted to watching Gordon Ramsay videos on YouTube and tried copying a few things he made, and then I ventured out into just looking up a recipe for something I was craving.”

“Was the food at your school bad? I know that public school food is disgusting, that’s why I’d always bring lunch from home,” Camila says, frowning when she realises, “but I guess you couldn’t, since you lived there. I still can’t believe they used the  _cane_ , like, what the fuck Mr and Mrs Jauregui? Why the hell would you send my little Lo there?”

Lauren just watches her as she rambles, eyebrows raised in amusement. “To answer your initial question, the food was actually pretty good. I guess since it was a private school, they had the money to get someone in that could actually cook, and get decent produce. And to the second question, you know why they sent me there, and  _yes_ , it was harsh and strict and I definitely took a while adjusting to it all, but I’m grateful they did.”

Camila cringes slightly. “But… the  _cane_ , I swear that’s illegal. You’re the law student; you could sue.”

“It was just a few hits on the back of the hand, no big deal. It stung, but with some of the kids in there, it was the only way to get them in line, and the only reason I’m a law student now is because of that school, and I don’t think suing is a great form of repayment,” Lauren shrugs like it’s nothing. “I found the worst part of it all to be the cell phone ban. Or the uniforms, they were fucking ugly.”

Lucy laughs from the couch. “Yeah, they were. Rocking the ponytail, no makeup, knee-length skirt look.”

Lauren chuckles. “It was basically a fucking kilt.”

“Did they not try to stamp out the cussing, too?” Camila says, trying to accept that it wasn’t a big deal, but the idea of Lauren being  _hit_  makes her more than a little angry. “You know, since it was such a strict place and all.”

“Yeah, but old habits die hard,” Lauren flashes her a grin, “I got a disciplinary once because I got distracted in the middle of a presentation and said  _shit, sorry_. I had to write lines, which was probably the lightest punishment you could get there.”

Lauren opens up a cupboard and grabs two baking trays, turning them upside down and putting both pizzas on them. Camila quickly clears up the counter to save her a job as they wait for the oven to heat up. She goes to ask more questions about Lauren’s life when she wasn’t in it, like how she decided she wanted to do law at college, what it was like when she started college, but Lauren speaks before she can.

“So, what was your video about this week?” She asks, double checking that the counter is clean before she hops up and sits on it, legs swinging in front of her, and that’s when Camila notices she’s wearing the jeans she’d bought for her. “What was the premise? Did you do the Postmates thing?”

Surprised at the interest, but not disappointed with it in the slightest, Camila smiles. “No, I didn’t do the Postmates thing. Last week I posted a cover, but this week I figured I’d do a more sit down kind of video, so I just did a Q&A.”

“What kind of questions did you get?” Lauren asks, and she seems to sense Camila’s surprise, smiling bashfully. “Sorry if I’m asking too many questions. I just find it interesting.”

“It’s fine, honestly,” Camila assures her, and when the oven beeps, she jumps a little in surprise, but puts the pizzas in. “I mostly just get questions about me. Like, my music taste, my favourite stuff, my life… I get a lot of relationship oriented questions, too. Like, if I’m with a girl and people see something in that friendship, they start to ship us, and I’m okay with it, you know about my Larry days, but it can get a little intense sometimes.”

“Is that a warning of some sort?” Lauren questions, but before Camila can admit  _yes_ , she speaks. “Are there a lot of ships?”

“Well, people ship me with my roommates, but I think the ship names also refer to our friendships. Ally and I are Camally, Mani and I are Normila, and Dinah and I are Caminah. They’re mostly platonic, but there are more romantic Caminah shippers than Normila or Camally, for some reason.” Camila says, and Lauren looks at her like she’s speaking a different language, but she presses on. “The big romantic ship is between me and my ex. Camriana.”

“Oh,” Lauren answers, taking that information in. “Is that annoying? To have your old relationship brought up all the time, I mean.”

“Yeah, but I just ignore it, and so does she. We were pretty public about everything, and while I’d still be open about a future relationship, I don’t know if I’d do it to that extent.” Camila says. “Like, kissing on camera and stuff. I’d want to display my relationship, but not have it all over the place, you know?”

“I get that,” Lauren replies, and Camila wonders why she seems suddenly so quiet. She coughs, clearing her throat, and looks over at Lucy, who is sat on the couch watching the end sequence of  _The Breakfast Club_. “Hey, Lucy, we’re going to be stealing the TV as soon as our food is done, you do know that, right?”

“Fuck you,” Lucy replies, not looking away from the TV as the end credits start to play, “maybe I’ll start another movie. First come, first serve, that’s how it works in this apartment.”

Lauren pouts. “You wouldn’t do that to me.”

Lucy sighs, switching off her movie and grabbing her glass from the coffee table. “Guess not. I should probably finish my philosophy essay, anyway. Later.”

Lauren smiles satisfactorily as Lucy walks into her bedroom and shuts the door. She turns back to Camila with a grin. “Want to get in pyjamas?”

“Sure,” Camila answers, nodding to Lauren’s bedroom door. “Is it okay if I go get my stuff? I’ll change in the bathroom.”

“Just change in my room, I’ll wait out here.” Lauren assures her, “I want to watch the pizzas just in case they start to burn.”

Camila nods, and walks into Lauren’s bedroom again, grabbing her pyjamas from her overnight bag, a pair of long, Spongebob lounge pants that a fan had given her, and an old t-shirt from high school gym class. She quickly changes, and then checks her phone, sending a message to Dinah and letting her know that everything with Lauren is going well. Then, she checks how her video is doing, because it’s been up for two hours, and she’s reading a couple of comments and checking the like to dislike ratio as she walks back out into the kitchen.

Lauren passes her by, going to get changed herself, “guard the food. If it’s a complete flop, we’ll just have to order pizza in. I’ll bring my  _Game of Thrones_  boxset out with me.”

Camila nods, and hops up onto the counter where Lauren had been sitting before, watching as the older girl disappears into her bedroom. She sighs, wondering if they’ll address one of the few lingering awkward questions, because the nature of their relationship when it fell apart hadn’t been entirely platonic. From what Lauren had told her about rooming with Lucy in school, she knows she’s not  _straight_ , but it wasn’t exactly heterosexual to kiss your best friend all the time, and when that was happening, Lauren actively claimed she didn’t like girls.

 _There was her comment on your Instagram post_ , Camila reminds herself,  _your caption was about liking girls, and she commented making it seem like she related._

So, when Lauren walks out of the bedroom in her pyjamas with a DVD boxset in her hands, Camila blurts out, “Are you gay?”

Lauren doesn’t seem to register the question as she puts the set of DVDs down on the coffee table, but as she walks back into the kitchen and immediately opens the oven to get the pizzas out, she says, “Does it matter?”

“Well, no, I’m just… curious,” Camila tries to play it off, “we’re friends, and you can trust me with that stuff if you’re not out, but I get the… feeling that you are. I mean,  _I_  am, so I have a decent gaydar…”

Lauren laughs slightly at the rambled answer. “If you really want to know, I’m bisexual.”

“When did you… um, realise?” Camila stammers, but blushes and apologises before Lauren can answer. “I’m sorry, this is such an inappropriate topic and you don’t need to tell me anything.”

Lauren grabs two plates and quickly places the pizzas on them, grabbing the cutter from the drawer. “Well, I mean, I always  _knew_ , I just didn’t want to think about it. I only really talked about it when I met Lucy. Before that it was just this thing I kept buried and tried to ignore and hated about myself, but obviously she came out to me, and I sort of blurted out that I thought I was bisexual. Turns out I am.”

Camila frowns. “Do your parents know?”

“Yeah. I told them the day before I was leaving for college, because if they kicked me out, at least I wouldn’t have  _nowhere_  to go,” Lauren shrugs, “it’s still sometimes hard to talk about, and I’m not super vocal about it. If I was with a girl, I’d treat her the same way I’d treat a guy with PDA, but I don’t go around yelling about my sexuality and wearing rainbows, because it’s not the most interesting thing about me. If people ask, though, I tell them.”

“Oh, well, as you could tell from my Instagram, I’m pretty open,” Camila says as Lauren passes her a plate and nods over to the couch. “I always thought you were just… experimenting. That’s what you told me.”

“That’s what I hid behind,” Lauren answers, putting her plate down on the coffee table and putting the first DVD in, grabbing the remote. She presses play on the first episode and sits down, looking over at Camila with a small smile. “Want to tell me why you’re so interested?”

“I’m interested in you, obviously. You know, since we haven’t really spoken for years or anything,” Camila hedges, distracting herself by taking a bite from her pizza. “This is good. Thanks for making it.”

“You helped,” Lauren points out, not making a move to eat any of hers, electing to sit and watch Camila as the opening sequence of the show finishes. She opens her mouth, as if she’s going to say something, but seems to think better of it and glances over at the TV. “Alright, time for your whole world to change.”

They manage to get through six episodes, starting to drink halfway through the fourth, and when Lauren goes to play the seventh episode, Camila shakes her head. “You’re right, I want to be sober when I watch it, so… can we stop?”

“Stop drinking or stop watching?” Lauren asks, yawning when she looks at the clock. “It’s one-thirty. Want to go to bed?”

“No! We can’t go to bed.” Camila announces, turning the TV off, “Can we go on your balcony?”

“Sure,” Lauren says, and she laughs a little as Camila grabs her by the arm and pulls her towards the kitchen, filling up their wine glasses and leaving the now empty bottle by the sink. “Hey, Camz?”

“Mhm?” Camila looks around, eyes glassy as her fingers try to work the door to Lauren’s balcony. “Yeah? You’re really pretty. You look like Daenerys. Like, you basically have the same face. She’s just blonde.”

Lauren blinks at the words, and Camila hadn’t expected that to slip out. The part of her that’s still sound of mind bitch-slaps the other part of her in her head. “Oh. Thank you. Um, well, I wanted to know if we can go to Disney together. Like the picture in my room. We could go to Disney for the day and just… hang out.”

“Yeah, I’m so down for that,” Camila announces as Lauren swiftly opens the sliding glass door to her balcony. She sits down on one of the plastic chairs and puts her wine glass down on the little table. “Did you really miss me?”

“Of course I did,” Lauren smiles, resting her elbow on the table and looking over at Camila, green eyes so soft and adoring. “You were my best friend. There wasn’t a day that went by where I didn’t miss you.”

“You mean that?” Camila asks, and when Lauren nods, she pouts. “I probably hurt you too, didn’t I? Like, for just dropping you. That probably made you sad and I never really thought about it like that.”

“You needed to do it, though,” Lauren assures her, reaching across the table and putting her hand on top of Camila’s. “I understand why you did it, even if I didn’t back then. As I grew and matured I started to get why you did it, and I didn’t blame you for it.”

“I know, but I missed you so much. I feel like we’re  _supposed_  to be friends, you know? Like, like  _Jesus_  was like that’s Lauren, and she’s Camila’s person.” Camila muses, gaze falling on Lauren’s hand on hers, and she smiles, piling her other hand on top. “You’re my Lauren.”

Lauren smiles, and while she’s definitely tipsy, she’s not on Camila’s level; she’d had a feeling that the younger Latina would be a lightweight. “I like the sound of that. You think your fans will ship us?”

“Yes!” Camila blurts out. “Laurmila!”

Lauren crinkles her nose in disgust. “It’s Camren, yo.”

Camila snickers at the statement, and finally lets go of Lauren’s hand. “Do you have any chocolate I can eat?”

“Camz, you know I hate chocolate,” Lauren teases her, and when she sends her a sympathetic look, Camila braces herself for bad news. “And no, my friends keep all of their chocolate in their own rooms because they all had a bad habit of eating each other’s snacks. If you want chocolate, we can walk to Walmart, though.”

“Yes! 2AM adventure!” Camila announces, standing up and almost knocking the half-full wine glass off the table, but Lauren steadies it. When Lauren drinks the rest of her glass, and the rest of  _Camila’s_ , the younger Latina scowls at her. “Rude. That was mine.”

“Yeah, and you’ve obviously had enough by the way you’re acting,” Lauren laughs, taking her hand and pulling her off the balcony and back into her bedroom. “Grab a jacket.”

“It’s  _Los Angeles_ ,” Camila says as Lauren pulls her bomber jacket on over her pyjamas and grabs her keys from her bedside table. “I don’t need a jacket  _ever_.”

“Alright, but if you get cold, don’t expect me to give you mine,” Lauren warns her, taking Camila’s hand as they walk out of the apartment’s front door. She catches Camila fumbling with the camera she’d brought and winces. “Are you sure you should be handling that right now? What if you break it?”

Camila pouts. “Don’t you want to be in my vlog?”

Lauren laughs, holding the door to the apartment building open for Camila. She’s starting to feel the effect of the wine she’d downed. “Maybe once we get to the store.”

 ** **VLOG 32 – GOING TO WALMART AT 2AM  
**** _792,348 views_ ** **  
****Camila Vlogs -------- SUBSCRIBE: 1M  
Published on Sep 26, 2016

“Oh, and I’m here with Lauren, you don’t know her, but she’s here,” Camila announces, flashing the camera over at Lauren, “say hi.”

“Hallo,” Lauren waves, before she almost knocks a couple of bags of chips onto the floor and starts laughing, “oops.”

“She’s so cute,” Camila says into the camera, hoping she doesn’t look as drunk as she feels. “Anyway, we’re going to buy some snacks now, love you guys, and- oh  _shit_ , it’s early morning on Saturday, I don’t vlog on Saturdays! Guess that means I’ve got to go.”

“Like and subscribe!” Lauren jokes from behind her as she dumps three jars of Nutella into their cart. “And comment!”

“Yeah, do all of that! She’s basically a YouTube professional and she’s been doing it for like five minutes,” Camila says, looking over at Lauren in adoration, “she’s so smart. Yes, anyway, bye! Oh, and go watch my main channel video or die.”

_[Write a comment…]_

****camilascabello**** Is anyone else getting some romantic vibes from C and this Lauren girl???? Or is it just me  
 ** **Dinah Jane Hansen**** Trust me it’s not just you lol  
 ** **thedinahsty**** oh my god dinah

__

_liked by_ ****camila_cabello,dinahjane97** ** _and_ ****2,340 others** **

****laurenjauregui:**** There’s nothing better than three a.m. tipsy contemplation with the people who mean the most.  
 _6 hours ago_

 ** **camila_cabello:**** nice angsty caption but also i literally look like i haven’t slept for six months here so thanks for posting that for the world to see  
 ** **dinahjane97:**** Gurl you literally don’t sleep she’s not wrong  
 ** **camila_cabello:**** wow way to stalk me dinah

****dinahjane97** ** _followed_ ****laurenjauregui!  
laurenjauregui ** ** _followed_ ****dinahjane97** ** _back!_


	5. 4

**ALL THESE YEARS – CAMILA CABELLO  
**_3,002,937 views_ ****  
Camila Cabello ---------- SUBSCRIBE: 3.5M  
Published on Sep 30, 2016

“Hi, guys,” Camila smiles at the camera, guitar already in hand, “I recently had some inspiration, and this song is the product of that. It’s definitely a rough draft right now, but I love it, and it kind of… it _definitely_ reflects how I feel right now.”

_[Write a comment…]_

**Lauren Jauregui** iT’s dEfINiTelY a rOuGH dRafT  
   **Camila Cabello** lern jergi keep your snide remarks to yourself  
     **Lauren Jauregui** It’s not a snide remark, it’s me calling you out on your lies when you’ve obviously written a masterpiece :)

“Can I meet her?”

Camila frowns at Dinah’s words. “Are you talking to me?”

“Yes, and you know what I’m asking,” Dinah rolls her eyes, “I want to meet Lauren. You wrote a whole ass song about her and had the guts to post about it on your channel, and she obviously _saw_ it because I saw her comment.”

Camila shrugs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, come _on_ ,” Dinah snorts, “You suddenly start being friends with your ex best friend who you had _feelings_ for. Suddenly she’s back in your life and you’re writing songs with the lyrics _you’re still the one I’m after all these years._ So, let me meet her.”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip; admittedly, she’d been a little worried to contact Lauren, in case she brought the video up. Finally after some consideration, she nods. “Alright. But don’t freak her out, okay? Don’t tell her the song is about her.”

“She’d have to be kind of stupid not to figure that out for herself,” Dinah points out, and Camila _knows_ that, but it’s not something she wants to talk about yet. No, she and Lauren need to be proper friends first. “Are you texting her?”

“Calling her,” Camila says, scrolling down to _lern jergi_ in her contacts and tapping on _call_. As the phone rings, Dinah bounces on her chair impatiently, and when Lauren picks up, it’s like an instant smile blossoms on Camila’s face. “Hi, Lo. I was wondering, um, would you want to come over? Like, right now?”

“ _I’m working right now,”_ Lauren says, and her voice is low, whispered, “ _but I can come after. I get off at eight.”_

“Yes, another sleepover! You know, you still talk in your sleep,” Camila smiles fondly; she’d gotten up in the night for some water, and had clearly sobered up in her sleep, and Lauren had rolled over, mumbled _monkey cupcakes_ and Camila had almost choked on her drink. “Why are you being so quiet, anyway?”

“ _Yes, I’m fully aware I still say stupid shit in my sleep, thanks, and I work in the library on campus, and I’m not supposed to be on the phone.”_ Lauren tells her, mumbling, _“The only reason I answered is because I was listening to music so I’ve got my headphones in. I really have to go but I’ll call you when I get off, okay?”_

“Okay,” Camila replies, “have fun working!”

Lauren laughs. “ _I won’t. Call you as soon as I get off.”_

Once Lauren hangs up, Camila sighs, caught up in the realisation that Lauren isn’t really as _free_ as she is. Camila could drop everything and go on vacation right now, because she’s her own boss, and she has the money to do that. Lauren, on the other hand, has to work for someone else, as well as go to college for her degree, and sometimes has to live off ramen noodles for weeks _because_ she’s trying to get a degree. It’s another realisation that they’re so different, and they’ve always been so different.

“ _Well_?” Dinah asks her. “Can I meet her, or what?”

“She’s going to call me once she gets off work, but she didn’t say no to a sleepover.” Camila replies. “Just don’t freak her out by asking her a load of questions, okay?”

“Don’t freak her out because you like her?” Dinah asks, and after a long sigh, Camila finally nods. “I fucking _knew_ it.”

“Alright, but don’t tell anyone. Especially not her. Before, she knew I liked her and she’d kiss me when she felt like it, and that’s what hurt me. That’s the main reason I pushed her away.” Camila points out, not mentioning the drugs; she has a feeling Lauren wouldn’t like her just telling people about that, and it’s not like they’ve even really talked about it _now_. “Lauren and I… I only just got her back. I don’t want to fuck that up and make it complicated by pushing my feelings on her. The song was to get that out, and I didn’t think she’d watch it.”

Dinah seems to sense Camila’s internal freak out; what if _Lauren asks her about it_? “Well, you said she didn’t like to talk about it when things got romantic between the two of you. Maybe she just won’t bring it up.”

“Yeah. Maybe.” Camila mumbles, hoping that’s the case. “It’s just… I’ve lost her once, and I don’t want it to happen again. I guess… with the way she’s acting now, it makes me think that maybe she’d be different if I told her.”

“Then tell her,” Dinah shrugs, “You’ll never know if you don’t try.”

“I’m not going to do that, I just told you, I’m not going to risk losing everything.” Camila sighs, shutting her laptop and sanding up. “I’m going to go lie down for a little while. Tell Normani and Ally I’ve invited Lauren over and that they have to be nice to her.”

She carries her things to her bedroom, and collapses on her bed. Opening up her laptop, she goes to her most recent video, and looks at the comments Lauren had posted. A few of her fans had replied to the comments, clearly noticing that Lauren is someone Camila _knows_ , and not just a random fan, and a few of them make her heart sink.

 _New ship?? Camren??_  
I found this Lauren girl’s insta it’s laurenjauregui and the most recent photo is a picture of her with C and honestly she’s fucking hot  
Omg get it Mila!!!!

They’re all responses to Lauren’s original comment, which had reached the top of the comments section, so she _knows_ that Lauren will see the replies. She feels like deleting the comment all together, but she doesn’t want Lauren to get any kind of negative message from that.

She groans, and tries to distract herself by playing on her phone, and ends up scrolling through Lauren’s Instagram. She ends up back at the very first post, the picture of the two of them together; she knows it’s not _really_ the first post, but it was the only thing that had survived the mass deletion before Lauren disappeared and stopped posting completely, which Camila now knows is because she was at the reform school. The first post following that is a picture of Lauren with Lucy, dated almost three years after the picture with Camila.

_liked by_ **claramjaureg, lucyvives** _and_ **103 others**

**laurenjauregui:** Finally a high school graduate. Mini road trip to Miami and then big road trip to LA with @lucyvives to celebrate! Thank you @CarroltonSchool for helping me realise my full potential; now onto studying law and forensics at UCLA. :)  
_June 6 th, 2014_

 **claramjaureg:** So proud of you  
   **laurenjauregui:** Thank you, mami. Love you :)

 **lucyvives:** thanks for posting this i literally wasn't ready when you took it  
    **laurenjauregui:** Shut up, even when you're not ready you're hot.  
     **lucyvives:** well you're not wrong

 **camila_cabello:** wow what a nerd

She doesn’t know what makes her comment; she _should_ know better. She knows her fans have update accounts that track basically her every move, and if she likes or comments on a post, they post about it, so _this_ stalkerish move will be all over Twitter in a few moments.

She considers deleting the comment, but she knows someone will have seen it, and deleting it would just look _more_ suspicious. Plus, Lauren will have gotten the notification already, so it’s pointless.

After wallowing in her stupidity, and constantly checking the time just so she knows when Lauren will call like some stupid schoolgirl with a crush, it finally hits eight p.m. As soon as the time changes from 7:59 to eight exactly, she braces herself for a call, but it doesn’t come. She sits there, staring at her phone, and she’s just about to call _Lauren_ when at 8:06, her phone rings and Lauren’s contact photo fills the screen. It’s a picture Camila had stolen from her Instagram, but she’s smiling so brightly and looks so happy that Camila couldn’t help but screenshot it and set it as her contact picture.

“Hi,” She says as she picks up, “are you on your way? Shall I walk to meet you?”

Lauren laughs. _“Calm down, I’m just leaving the library now. I had to grab my stuff from the back. I’m going to go home first and get a bag sorted, then you can text me directions to your place.”_

“I’m coming to meet you,” Camila decides, sitting up and digging in her drawer for a mismatched pair of socks. Camila hates socks; they’re irritating and possibly the _worst_ item of clothing, so she only wears them when she’s wearing _shoes_ , so she doesn’t get blisters. “I’ll walk to your apartment building and then we’ll walk back here together.”

“ _Are you sure?”_ Lauren asks, and Camila nods, before realising Lauren can’t see her and answering verbally. “ _Okay. I got your comment on Instagram, by the way. Stalker.”_

“Hey, I was just seeing what you’d posted since high school. A person’s Instagram can be very revealing.” Camila defends herself, even though she literally _was_ just stalking. “By the way, you’ll be meeting my roommates tonight. Apologies in advance, they’re kind of intense. Dinah especially, and she’s the one who really wants to meet you.”

“ _Wow, hanging out with a bunch of YouTube celebrities. Mom, I’ve made it.”_ Lauren jokes, and Camila blushes, thankful that Lauren can’t see her. _“Wait, I thought you couldn’t hang out on Wednesdays. You said that’s when you film.”_

Camila puts Lauren on speaker as she laces up her Converse. “Yeah, and I’ve already done that. I filmed this afternoon and just started on a bit of editing. I’ll do most of the editing tomorrow.”

“ _Oh. Can I see the rough cut? Though, your definition of rough is different to mine, judging by the song you posted the other day,”_ Lauren replies, completely casual and blasé like the song _isn’t_ obviously about her. “ _I’m glad you’re still writing songs, Camz. You were always so talented at it.”_

 _Is she flirting?_ Camila thinks, fumbling as she grabs her keys. “Um, thanks, Lo. Do you- um, still write your poetry? Or are you all business now you’re studying boring stuff like law?”

 _“Occasionally I’ll write something cheesy in my journal. One time, a guy gave me a hair tie because I didn’t have one, and I wrote poems about him for two weeks,”_ Lauren laughs, “ _are you on your way? I’m getting close to my building now, I can wait outside for you.”_

“Um, I’m just leaving now, wait there,” Camila says, passing by Dinah and leaving the house, jogging a little so she won’t keep Lauren waiting long. “You want to know a secret?”

“ _Sure, but can you answer a question first?”_ Lauren asks, and without Camila’s confirmation, she continues. “ _Are you running right now?”_

“Psh, _no_ ,” Camila scoffs, immediately slowing her pace. “What would make you think _that_? Anyway, my transport speed isn’t important. Do you want to know a secret?”

Lauren laughs as if her denial had confirmed it. “ _Of course.”_

“I think I might actually release an EP.” Camila admits; she’d been in talks with some producers for a while now. “I know that people usually think it’s stupid when YouTubers make music, but I _started_ YouTube doing music, I’m a musician before I’m a YouTuber and people know that. Hopefully, anyway. It’s different with me, you know? Music is what I want to do.”

 _“Then do it. Fuck what anyone else thinks,”_ Lauren says, and her support makes Camila’s heart flutter. “ _You know I’ll listen to it.”_

“I really want to do it, even if it’s just something I post on my channel like I do now,” Camila muses, “just like, the _experience_ of being in a recording studio… that’s the dream.”

As she rounds the corner to Lauren’s apartment building, she sees the older Latina. Lauren looks up, meeting her gaze, and mumbles, “ _I have to go, an angel just came around the corner.”_

Before Camila can react, Lauren hangs up the phone, tucks it in her pocket and meets her halfway, between the door to her apartment building and the corner. She smiles, and pulls Camila in for a tight hug, snuggling her face into her neck, and Camila’s arms snake around her waist, holding her close and melting into her warmth.

“Hi,” Camila murmurs, and pulls away as the hug starts to turn slightly less than platonic. “How was work?”

“Boring, but I get to listen to my music while I’m stacking all the books, so it’s okay,” Lauren shrugs, and as she pushes open the door to her apartment building, she takes Camila’s hand, making the younger girl jump slightly. “Maybe once you release something, I can add it to my work playlist. And all of my other playlists.”

Camila’s stomach flips. “Well. I’m honoured you’d do that.”

“Of course I would,” Lauren smiles, pulling her keys from her pocket with her free hand as they get into the elevator. “So, what’re your roommates like?”

Camila shrugs. “They’re all YouTubers-”

“You told me that part already. Besides, I’m asking about them, not their jobs,” Lauren says, leading her out of the elevator when they reach her floor. “What’re their likes and dislikes, stuff like that?”

“Oh, well, Dinah and Normani like their beauty stuff. At the moment, Normani is in conversations with… some brand, I can’t remember which, all the names blend together,” Camila laughs, “but she’s looking at making her own makeup palette of some description, I don’t know, I’m not good with makeup stuff, anything she tells me just confuses me. Ally’s currently getting a cookbook published, but don’t tell _anyone_ that, because the release date is like a month away, she’s just getting it finalised now. And Dinah… sits on the couch eating Cheetos, most of the time.”

Lauren snorts as she unlocks the front door. “I already relate to Dinah.”

Camila follows her inside, swinging their hands happily. She jumps when she hears a voice.

“Wow, picking up chicks at the library, Lo?”

Lauren blushes, and avoids Camila’s gaze as she glares at the girl in the kitchen. “Fuck off, Lex. Camz, this asshole is Alexa, one of my other roommates, we met in a class we were both taking in freshman year.”

“Lauren talks about you all the time,” Alexa announces, and Lauren glares, mouthing the words _fucking bitch_ at her. “It’s sweet. She keeps showing me all of your YouTube videos, and-”

“And you’re no longer my friend, kindly move out,” Lauren interrupts, grabbing Camila and pushing her past Alexa, into her bedroom, and slamming the door behind them. When she finally meets Camila’s amused gaze, she blushes. “She was- um, exaggerating. I just… mention you occasionally.”

Camila just smiles knowingly as Lauren distracts herself with stuffing some clothes in a backpack. “Sure. You’ve shown people my videos?”

The pink tinge on Lauren’s cheeks turns to a darker red. “Just my roommates. They- um, Alexa and Keana, I mean, since you met Lucy… they asked about you because I- I might’ve mentioned you, and I said you were a YouTuber and I showed them a few videos.”

Seeing Lauren so nervous and stuttery makes Camila smile. She bites down on her bottom lip and watches as Lauren tries to pack her things, and crosses the room, stilling Lauren’s hands. Deciding to be brave, she presses a quick, _friendly_ kiss to Lauren’s cheek. “That’s so cute. Thanks for the promo.”

Lauren laughs awkwardly, and distracts herself by grabbing her stuffed Nala from on top of her pillows. She doesn’t make a move to put the lion in the backpack, instead opting to tuck it under her arm as she zips her bag up and shoulders it. “Okay, um, let’s go.”

“You’re just going to carry Nala?” Camila asks, surprised. “In public?”

“Yeah,” Lauren answers, finally meeting her gaze, still looking a little embarrassed. “Why wouldn’t I? She won’t fit in my backpack with all my stuff in there, and I need her to get to sleep.”

Camila sends her a fond smile. “That’s adorable, too. Come on, let’s grab some snacks on the way. That way you can brace yourself for interacting with my roommates.”

Lauren smiles. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’m quite the charmer when I want to be.”

She takes Lauren’s hand as they walk out of the apartment and hums happily. “You didn’t think I was being a creeper earlier, right? Like, when I commented on your second ever Instagram post.”

Lauren laughs as they step into the elevator. “No, of course not. I’ve known you since I was seven. It’d be weird if you were just some random I met a few weeks ago, but you’re not.”

Relieved, Camila swings their hands, Lauren letting her out of the elevator first. “So, um, what snacks do you want? I know you’re not really a _candy_ person…”

“Popcorn for sure. Have you watched any more of _Game of Thrones_?” Lauren asks, and she’s surprised when Camila shakes her head. “Why not?”

“I wanted to save it, so we could watch it together,” Camila admits, blushing embarrassedly. “And now I’m realising that was a stupid idea, because you’ve seen it all already.”

“No, no,” Lauren shakes her head, squeezing her hand reassuringly as they leave the building, walking down the street looking like a _couple_ , hand in hand. Camila had already thought her dreams came true, but holding Lauren’s hand _in public_ is something she’s gone without for so long that she can’t believe it’s really happening.

“I think that’s so sweet. I’d be so down to watch it with you; I’ve only seen the whole thing through once, so it’ll be cool to get a refresher before season seven airs next summer, and then we can watch that together.” Lauren decides, and Camila’s stomach flips. “You’ll be surprised by my dramatic reactions to anything that could possibly hurt Daenerys. Like, there could be a mosquito flying near her and I’m like _get away you little fucker_.”

“Okay,” Camila nods, reassured, “we can watch a couple of episodes tonight, but it has to be on my laptop, because the girls tend to hog the TV and Dinah is _notorious_ for talking over shows.”

Lauren hums. “Not to totally nerd out right now, but who’s your favourite character? Obviously you know I love Daenerys more than I’d love my own children.”

Camila laughs at the words, and thinks through the characters they’ve already met through the six episodes they’d seen. “I like Arya the best out of all of them.”

Lauren gasps, putting her free hand over her heart. “Not Dany? I’m hurt.”

Camila grins teasingly. “Hurt on behalf of your favourite character? Lauren Jauregui, what would all the other _kool kids_ say about that?”

“They’d say _wow, what a trendsetter_ ,” Lauren says, sticking her tongue out mockingly, and Camila just laughs and pulls her into the grocery store. “I don’t give a fuck what people think, Camz. I’m literally walking around a store with my stuffed animal.”

Camila laughs, and smiles down at the stuffed animal under her arm. “That’s cute, though. You can pull it off.”

“I can pull _anything_ off, I think you’ll find,” Lauren chuckles, pulling her towards the microwavable popcorn. “What’re we thinking? Buttered? _Extra buttered_?”

“Obviously we have to get the extra buttered,” Camila says, grabbing it from the shelf. “Now I just need some candy.”

“Are you sure about that? I’ve seen you on a sugar rush.” Lauren shudders that the memory. “Little eight year old Lauren didn’t know what she was doing when she let you have all of her chocolate from Easter. I was _traumatised_ when you started practically bouncing off the walls.”

Camila remembers that night; she’d gone for a sleepover at Lauren’s. Lauren had never liked chocolate, and as their slumber party was just after Easter, she’d gifted all of her Easter eggs to Camila. Being away from her parents for the night, Camila had dug right in, ate _nine_ Easter eggs in one sitting, was on the biggest sugar rush she’s ever had, and then vomited all over the carpet in the Jauregui’s lounge.

“Yeah, sorry your mom told you off,” Camila laughs, pulling her over to the chocolate aisle, “really, she should’ve yelled at me, I’m the one who ate a fuck load of chocolate and puked everywhere.”

“Yeah, I know, right?” Lauren looks genuinely irritated, scowling as Camila browses for the candy she wants. “She literally grounded me because _you_ puked. Apparently it was my fault for giving you the chocolate in the first place.”

“I mean, it kind of _was_ ,” Camila agrees, dropping Lauren’s hand and grabbing a few candy bars from the shelf. “You really shouldn’t have let me eat nine Easter eggs in one sitting.”

She’s grateful that she let go of Lauren’s hand when a quiet voice to their left says, “Camila? Hi. Is it okay if I get a picture?”

Camila blinks in surprise, but smiles at the fan, and grins even more when she notices the girl is wearing her merch. “Of course you can! Lo, do you mind holding all of this?”

Lauren takes the candy and box of popcorn from her with an amused smile as Camila gives the fan a hug and takes a picture with her. She thanks the girl for watching her videos, before she scampers off to her mother, already gushing about meeting one of her favourite YouTubers.

Lauren meets her gaze, one of her perfectly bushy eyebrows in amusement. “Guess I should get used to that, huh?”

“It doesn’t happen that often. In the grand scheme of things, I’m still a nobody.” Camila laughs as she takes her candy back, nodding towards the checkouts. “Come on, let’s pay for this and go back to my place.”

Camila pays for their snacks before Lauren can get her card out of her wallet, and leads a scowling Lauren back to her house. She comes to a stop outside the front door, after leading a rather dazed Lauren up the driveway. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, it’s just…” Lauren blinks, taking the big house in; she’d been expecting an apartment, or at least something small, not something that’s basically a fucking _mansion_ , “this is a little… like… _Kardashian_ for a nineteen-year-old…”

Camila snorts at the description as she walks Lauren up the driveway, past Normani’s car. “Well, I mean, I _do_ rent with three other girls, so it’s not as bad as you’re probably imagining. Don’t worry, I felt the same way when I’d come out here to visit. I guess I sort of forget, since I’m only really friends with other YouTubers and we make around the same amount….”

Lauren still looks a little stunned, and Camila smiles and grabs her hand, pulling her away from the front door and around the side of the house. “Where are we going?”

“I’m giving you a quick tour.” Camila laughs, pulling her through the back gate and nodding over to the lawn furniture a few feet away from the pool. “That’s where we sit on nights where we drink a little too much, but don’t tell my mom that, she might kill me. The first time I came out to LA by myself, I drank a whole bottle of white wine and fell in the pool and Dinah had to rescue me.”

Instead of laughing, Lauren’s eyes widen – even more than they already were – and she looks over at the pool in shock, then back at Camila. “But- were you okay? You could’ve been seriously _hurt_ , Camz-”

“Okay, okay, you don’t need to be my little protector all the time,” Camila assures her, switching their bag of snacks to her left hand so she can take Lauren’s again and give it a gentle squeeze. “I was fine, and now the girls know not to let my clumsy drunk ass by the pool. Anyway, yeah, that’s the lounge furniture, now come on through the sliding glass door that I have walked into more times than I can count.”

Lauren snorts at the mental image. “Yeah, I can see that happening.”

Camila slides the door open, lets Lauren in and shuts it behind them, before waving a hand in front of herself as if she’s a realtor and she’s selling the house. “As you can tell by the couches and the TV and the annoying beauty guru hogging the _comfiest_ couch, this is the lounge. And that’s Dinah, by the way. She basically lives on that couch, I don’t know why she has a bedroom, to be honest.”

“The famous Dinah,” Lauren reacts, before considering this and says, “well, from what you’ve told me, it’s more like she’s infamous.”

“You’ve turned her against me already?” Dinah looks up at Camila from the couch, offended. “Rude, Cabello. Whatever she’s told you, it’s probably a lie.”

Dinah sits up and puts her feet on the glass coffee table, and Camila rolls her eyes. “Show some manners, we have a guest over.”

Dinah sends Camila a teasing look, and the Latina wonders if she’d made the right choice in bringing Lauren over. “Nice to meet you, hot Lauren who Walz never shuts up about.”

Lauren blinks. “You think I’m hot?”

It takes Camila a moment she realises she’s talking to _Dinah_ and not her, and she’d almost opened her mouth to say _obviously, but not in like, that way_. Dinah grins, aware that she’d almost made Camila expose herself. “Duh. Anyway, the _important_ thing is that Mila never shuts up about you, so take that information and make fun of her however you want with it.”

Camila groans, aware that she probably looks very red right now, but Lauren just laughs and says, “Not so fun when it’s _your_ friend exposing _you_ , huh?”

“Ugh, shut up, we’re continuing with the tour, and _no_ , there’s no Cheetos in this bag for you,” Camila sends Dinah a mocking smile as she pulls Lauren out of the room and into the kitchen. She dumps their bag of snacks on the marble table top of the island in the middle, and waves around vaguely. “This is my favourite room in the house, but it’s my favourite room in _any_ house.”

Lauren laughs. “Of course it is.”

As Camila pulls her past a door, she nods, “That’s Normani’s room. I don’t know if she’s in or not right now, but you’ll probably meet her later.”

Admittedly, Normani is the friend she’s worried about Lauren meeting; Normani is fiercely protective over the people she cares about, and she knows everything about Camila and Lauren’s history, _and_ she’d warned her not to call. She knows that Normani will be civil, but she wears her heart on her sleeve, so it’s easy to see when she dislikes someone.

She pulls Lauren past Ally’s room as well, knowing that she’s in, and out into the foyer, waving around again, channelling her inner realtor. “My bedroom is upstairs, and so is Dinah’s. Probably because Ally and Mani actually work out, and these stairs are my only form of exercise.”

Lauren stares at the curved, ornate wooden staircase, and at the chandelier hanging from the white ceiling, and mumbles, “You’re actually like, a princess, huh?”

“I prefer queen,” Camila jokes, pulling Lauren up the stairs by her wrist. “That’s Dinah’s room over there, and her bathroom. She was salty because she got the room that the bathroom _isn’t_ connected to, and apparently _anyone_ could use it, even though we all have our own. I think she watched some video about a woman who lived in this guy’s house for like a year and he didn’t know she was there and got it in her head that there’s someone else living here that we don’t know about, but I’m a night owl and I’ve never seen anyone.”

Lauren, still looking a little stunned, mumbles, “you’d probably shit yourself if you did.”

“True,” Camila laughs, pulling Lauren down the hallway and stopping in front of her bedroom door. “Be warned. The room you are about to enter is messy as fuck.”

Without waiting for Lauren’s reaction, she pushes open the door and leads her inside. “The door on the left over there is my closet, and the door closest to us – not the one we just walked through, but you know that – is the bathroom. Don’t get them confused if you’re really desperate.”

Lauren just looks around the room, and after a few moments, a small smile settles on her face. “Okay. This, I can deal with. This is actually, like… human.”

Camila laughs at the words, and shrugs, kicking her shoes off and diving onto her unmade bed. “Ally is kind of a neat-freak, so the rest of the house is spotless, except for my room. And Dinah’s, but don’t tell anyone that, because she’s got a little section where her camera goes that’s tidy, so everyone is fooled into thinking she’s neat, but she’s actually messier than me.”

“I don’t mean it like that, I meant…” Lauren sighs, sitting down next to her on her bed. “As a boring college student, I come somewhere like this and it’s just… overwhelming and out of my league. This whole house is like, where _famous_ people live, and I guess I forget that you’re in that category. But your bedroom… it’s still so _Camila_. Messy, unmade bed, a totally unorganised bookshelf…”

Camila frowns at the words. “So… what’re you saying? Are you saying you want to stay in my room all night?”

At the question, she wiggles her eyebrows suggestively, and Lauren just laughs, smacking her gently on the arm. “No, pervert. I’m saying… I guess I’m just glad that even with everything you’ve achieved, and everything you have… you’re still the same old Camila.”

Camila smiles. “Just with a hint of happiness.”

At the words, Lauren hums, and rests her head on Camila’s shoulder. The younger girl is _instantly_ transported back to long summer days, when they’d snuggle and watch movies and see how long they could push staying at each other’s houses before they had to go home. With no school, anything was possible.

“So,” Camila breaks the comfortable silence, “what do you want for dinner? I have a YouTube chef at our disposal if you want something homemade, but we could also order takeout. My treat, before you start talking about your diet of strictly ramen.”

“Halves. We’ll go halves,” Lauren mumbles, realising she’s still carrying Nala, and instead of putting the toy down, she snuggles it to her chest. “Chinese food?”

“Sure,” Camila nods, and gives Lauren a squeeze around the waist before pulling away and giggling at the pout the older girl fixes her with. “I’ll be back in a minute, I’m just going to get the number from Normani.”

Lauren nods, and Camila leaves her in her bedroom, running down the stairs and over to Normani’s bedroom door, dropping a decent amount of cash on the side by the door as she goes past; that’ll cover their food when the delivery guy gets there. She knocks loudly on the older girl’s door, continuing to aggressively hammer until the older girl answers, pulling it open and glaring at her. “First of all, I was _filming,_ and second, is one knock not good enough?”

“No, you could ignore that,” Camila points out, “Lauren wants Chinese food for dinner, so I need the number to the place you always order from.”

Normani raises her eyebrows. “Do _you_ want Chinese food for dinner?”

“I don’t care what we have,” Camila shrugs, “can you give me the number?”

Normani gives her the number, and Camila thanks her. She’s just about to head back upstairs and make Lauren call and talk to them when Normani stops her. “Are you sure it was a good idea to bring her here?”

Camila frowns. “Yeah? Why wouldn’t it be?”

“What if she sees the stuff you have and like… uses you,” Normani suggests, and Camila understands why she’s suspecting it; Normani had taken a smaller creator under her wing, only for her to use her for money and exposure. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“It’s different with Lauren; I’ve known her since I was six, and just because we didn’t talk for a couple of years… I don’t think she’d do that.” Camila says, and she believes it. “So just… when you meet her, be nice?”

“You know I would be,” Normani answers, squeezing her arm reassuringly. “Just be careful, okay?”

“I will,” Camila assures her, and heads back up the stairs, pushing open the door to her bedroom and announcing, “Alright, I’ve got the number for the Chinese—are you _organising my bookshelf_?”

Lauren blushes, caught red handed as she restacks Camila’s books alphabetically by author’s last name. “I work in a library, I can’t _stand_ disorganised bookshelves.”

“Alright, knock yourself out,” Camila laughs, sitting down on her bed and watching as Lauren stacks the books like it’s second nature. “How is yours organised at home?”

“Same way I’m doing this. Author last names,” Lauren shrugs, “I’m fully aware that this will end up just being disorganised again, but it was driving me crazy just by looking at it. It was _sat_ there, mocking me.”

“Someone’s extra,” Camila snorts, “we can order the food when you’re ready, so hurry up, because it’s almost nine and I’m starving.”

Lauren rolls her eyes. “You could always call right now.”

“No can do, I hate phone calls and you know that,” Camila says, laying back against the headboard of her bed and watching Lauren as she works. “So you’ll call once you’re finished.”

“Alright,” Lauren answers, and finishes up stacking the books, before turning around and sitting down on the bed next to Camila. “What do you want?”

It takes a few minutes for Camila to finally decide on something, but once she does, she tells Lauren her order and waits for her to call the restaurant up. Once Lauren hangs up the phone, she turns to her with a small smile. “ _Game of Thrones_ and cuddles?”

“Sure,” Camila grabs her pyjamas from where she’d left them on _the chair_ where she unceremoniously dumps all of her clothes that are too dirty to be hung back up but too clean for the laundry. “Hey, are you back in Miami for Thanksgiving?”

“Yeah,” Lauren answers absently, digging through her backpack for her pyjamas. Camila is heading to her bathroom to change when Lauren lets out an awkward laugh. “I seem to have forgotten my pyjamas.”

Camila snorts. “What? How’d you miss that when you were packing _for a sleepover_?”

“I’m a _fucking idiot_ ,” Lauren sighs, and fixes Camila with a pout. “Can I borrow some pyjamas?”

“I don’t know, I mean… maybe your subconscious just _wants_ you to sleep naked, and who am I to deny that,” Camila jokes, and Lauren glares, “so, no. You can’t. Besides, it’s not like I’ve never seen you naked. We used to share baths when we were like seven.”

“ _Camila_ ,” Lauren crosses her arms across her chest like a petulant child. “Give me some PJs or I’ll punch you.”

After a few moments of mocking contemplation, Camila walks into her closet and grabs a pair of pyjama shorts and one of her baggier t-shirts, some old merchandise that never sold out. She tosses them over to Lauren with a smile. “There.”

“Thanks, Camz,” Lauren flashes her a smile, and holds up the t-shirt, examining it. “That’s you. The _hurting, the healing, the loving tour_. You went on tour?”

“Meet and greets and performing some of my songs,” Camila shrugs like _everyone_ goes on tour, but in her social circle, everyone kind of _does_. “That was one of the t-shirts I was selling as merch. They weren’t as popular as the hoodies, because those sold out completely. You can keep that if you want.”

“Okay,” Lauren stands up, stretching, “shall I change in the bathroom?”

“I mean, like I said before, it’s not like I haven’t seen you naked,” Camila sends her a teasing grin, but grabs her own pyjamas and disappears into the bathroom. “I’ll knock when I’m coming back in.”

She changes in the bathroom, and knocks on the bathroom door to let Lauren know she’s coming back. When she sees Lauren in her _merchandise_ , Camila’s stomach flips a little, and she walks over to Lauren, wrapping her arms around the older girl’s waist. “You look so cute in my merch. I can’t believe I’m hanging out with a _fan._ ”

Lauren chuckles, smoothing out the shirt. “It’s cute. I think I will keep it, thanks.”

Camila smiles, and meets Lauren’s gaze, and she sees that _look_ again. It makes her think that maybe Lauren feels the same way, that her feelings are less than platonic, and that’s what makes her lean in.

They’re _millimetres_ apart when Dinah walks in, carrying a bag full of Chinese food. “Your food is here – _oh… um…_ ”

Lauren jolts away from Camila, and the younger Latina sighs, glaring at Dinah. “Thanks, could’ve just called me down to get it, though.”

Dinah cringes. “Yeah, sorry, um… hey, Lauren, get here, take a selfie with me.”

Lauren blinks at the abrupt subject change, and frowns over at Dinah. “What?”

“My Instagram is a place for hotties, and you’re a hottie,” Dinah rolls her eyes, “besides, people are starting to notice you hanging around Mila, so they need to know that Queen Dinah approves.”

“Uh, alright,” Lauren answers, and takes a picture with Dinah, still looking a little stunned; Camila isn’t sure if it’s because of the question or because they’d almost _kissed. “_ Thanks for- um, bringing our food up.”

She doesn’t sound all that grateful, and it gives Camila hope that maybe Lauren would _want_ to kiss her. As Dinah leaves the room, Camila takes the food and pulls out all the containers, checking everything, and sitting down at her desk. She excuses herself for a moment under the guise of grabbing another chair from the traitor Dinah’s bedroom, and uses the opportunity to calm herself down and promise herself she won’t make a move like that again.

At Camila’s hurried exit and promising to bring back a chair so they can both use her desk as a table, Lauren isn’t surprised. She knows that they’d almost kissed, and she knows it’s all her fault. She _shouldn’t_ have leaned in; the last time they’d done that, it had been toxic, and Lauren isn’t going to push any feelings she may have onto Camila, because she doesn’t want to hurt her. Camila is in a good place, and Lauren wants it to stay that way.

When Camila carries a chair back into the room, Lauren makes the excuse that she’ll go get some plates, and scrams from the room before Camila can tell her where they are. She heads to the kitchen, and comes face to face with a girl she recognises, and it takes a moment for the name to come to her. “Ally Brooke! Right?”

The short woman looks up from the vegetables she’s chopping in surprise, but sends her a sunshine smile. “Oh… hello?”

“Oh, sorry, I’m friends with Camila,” Lauren quickly says, just so she doesn’t think she’s a fan that had randomly broken into their house. “I’m Lauren. I’m just… down here to get some plates, we have takeout up there…”

“First top cupboard to your right,” Ally instructs, and as Lauren goes to get the plates, she adds, “Has Camila shown you my videos or something? I don’t remember ever meeting you before.”

“Oh, no, when I was a freshman I started to get into cooking, so I’ve seen a couple of your videos for recipes,” Lauren shrugs, pulling the plates from the cupboard slowly so she doesn’t drop them and break anything, because for all she knows, these plates are worth her college tuition. “Your recipe for chicken alfredo is _damn_ good.”

“Thank you,” Ally beams, “Camila mentioned you, and she said you weren’t that into YouTube, so I’m honoured.”

“It’s more I’m not into like, certain types of videos. I doubt you’d find anyone our age who _doesn’t_ use YouTube, but I mostly go on for crime documentaries,” Lauren comments, and then in case Ally thinks she’s some kind of serial killer using the documentaries for tips on how to evade the law, she adds, “I’m studying law and forensics, so sometimes we get them for homework, but most of the time I just watch them for fun. I’m kind of a true crime junkie, I really want to work in crime scene forensics one day. Who doesn’t love a good _whodunit_?”

“Camila has always mentioned that she likes smart girls,” Ally laughs, and before Lauren can unpack _that_ , Camila walks into the kitchen, looking a little concerned. “Hi, Mila, just getting to know your friend here.”

Camila sends her a grateful smile. “Thanks for being so nice, Ally, but uh… Lo? Our food is getting cold.”

“Oh, sorry,” Lauren goes to pass the plates to Camila, but changes her mind at the last second, deciding that out of the two of them, she’s less clumsy. “It was nice meeting you, Ally.”

“You too,” Ally calls, as Camila grabs a pair of knives and forks from a drawer and leads her back upstairs.

“I didn’t know you meant _that_ Ally,” Lauren comments casually, “I’ve seen some of her stuff before.”

“Oops, didn’t know I’d let a rabid fan into the house,” Camila jokes, and it’s like any tension from their _almost kiss_ is gone. She laughs, and as they round the corner, Camila bumps into someone _else_ , and drops the knives and forks, and Lauren is thankful she hadn’t given her the plates to carry. “Mani, oh my god, yell when you’re coming around a corner.”

“Because that’d be practical,” Normani rolls her eyes, and when her gaze lands on Lauren, she’s ridiculously intimidated. Camila had mentioned that Normani was a beauty guru, and Lauren isn’t surprised, because the girl in front of her is basically _flawless_ , and she wonders how she hadn’t properly realised she was bisexual until she was older when there are girls like _that_. “And this is the Lauren you don’t stop talking about, I’m guessing?”

“Um, yes,” Camila answers, “Lauren, this is Normani. Sorry to cut this short, but we’ve got to run upstairs before our food goes cold.”

As if on cue, Camila’s stomach rumbles, and Lauren laughs a little, trying not to look intimidated as she smiles at Normani. “It’s nice to meet you. I like your necklace.”

Again, that’s another thing in this house that probably cost more than Lauren’s entire tuition, but she’s trying not to think about it as Camila pulls her up the staircase and her gaze fixes on the chandelier. Camila is _nineteen_ , and she’s probably set for life because of her YouTube videos.

“Do you think you’ll go to college?” Lauren asks without thinking, setting the plates down on Camila’s dresser. The younger girl pulls out a chair for her, and Lauren blushes slightly, smiling gratefully. “Thanks. But yeah, do you think you’d ever go to college?”

“Probably not,” Camila shrugs, scooping food out of a container and onto her plate. She stuffs a forkful in her mouth, and once she’s chewed and swallowed, adds, “I hated high school, and middle school, so it’s like… why would I want to put myself back into an academic environment.”

Lauren considers this as she eats. “But you’re really smart.”

“Aw, thanks, Lo,” Camila smiles, but shrugs, “I just don’t like the school environment. It’s not even like, one hundred percent about getting qualifications, it’s also super social and it’s full of cliques… I can’t be around that. I’m not exactly the best at making friends.”

“You seem to have done pretty well at it.” Lauren replies, “You’ve got three really good friends that you live with.”

“Yeah, and another one who saves me from bullies,” Camila says, flashing her a teasing smile, “Honestly, you’re the only friend I’ve ever made in real life. Dinah, Mani and Ally… I met them all online first, and then met them in person at VidCon. And I didn’t even _try_ to befriend you, it just happened.”

“Because you called me _bonita_ ,” Lauren grins, “I didn’t know what that meant until I asked my mom when I got home. Imagine my delight when she told me what it meant.”

“Well, you _are_ pretty, anyone with eyes can see that,” Camila easily replies, “my point is, I don’t really know _how_ to make friends, and I’d rather not be thrown into an environment where that’s highly expected of me. And I can’t be bothered dealing with essays and exams. I just want to create.”

“I get that. College isn’t for everyone,” Lauren shrugs, “I didn’t think I’d get in anywhere, let alone my first choice _with_ a scholarship.”

Lauren had been _ridiculously_ relieved when she’d received her acceptance letter; her anxiety had been high since she’d sent the application off, along with her scholarship application, and she’d been close to a panic attack when the letter had arrived. She forced Lucy to open it, so she didn’t have to look at the words _you have been unsuccessful_ , or if she’d managed to get in but couldn’t go because she didn’t get the scholarship she needed.

They’d sat on Lauren’s bed in their shared room, and started down at the letter like it was going to bite them. Lucy had received her acceptance letter the week before, and Lauren had opened it for her, so it was only right that Lucy opened Lauren’s. When she’d finally opened it and read it, she didn’t tell Lauren the words on the page, just pulled her in for the biggest hug, and for a moment, Lauren thought it was an _I’m sorry_ hug, and started to panic, and the older girl quickly clarified that they’d be going to college together, and Lauren had read over the letter, detailing her scholarship, and she’d almost fainted when she realised that she’d managed to _get_ it.

“Yeah, how’d you decide you wanted to go into criminal law?” Camila asks, snapping Lauren out of her daydream. “Like, from my perspective at least, you seemed like a _fuck the police_ kind of person. But now you want to _be_ the police.”

“I just find it interesting and I want to help people,” Lauren answers; there was never a particular moment where she decided what she wanted to be. She’d almost grown into the idea, but the thing that really solidified it, _and_ her transition into more of a mature person, was a history class she’d taken about crime and punishment in her junior year. She’d slowly found herself more and more immersed in the justice system, and while she’s pretty sure the class only existed as a scare tactic for the students to show what would happen to them if they got back into whatever got them landed at that school in the first place, she’d loved it. It’s part of the reason why she _wanted_ to go back to that school for her senior year; her parents had only intended on keeping her there for the one year once they’d seen the change in her after her first ever semester there.

“I like that idea. You were always my protector, so it’s cute that you’re graduating to be everyone’s protector,” Camila laughs, and Lauren just grimaces, because she hadn’t felt like a very good protector. “Plus, you know, I kind of love a woman in uniform.”

Lauren blushes a little, and rests her head on Camila’s shoulder. “I missed you so much, Camz.”

Camila smiles. “Well, I _am_ pretty irresistible.”

Lauren has to agree with her.

 _liked by_ **allybrooke,** **laurenjauregui** _and_ **76,034 others**

 **dinahjane97:** She has my stamp of approval #camren and #laurinah  
_29 minutes ago_

 **camila_cabello:** oh my god dinah tHERE’S NOTHING TO APPROVE  
   **laurenjauregui:** Or is there? DUN DUN DUNNNNNN  
    **camila_cabello:** lauren NO  
     **dinahjane97:** lauren YES  
      **laurenjauregui:** lauren maybe ;)

 **allybrooke** _followed_ **laurenjauregui  
laurenjauregui **_followed_ **allybrooke** _back!_


	6. 5

Lauren yawns as she walks along the sidewalk, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hand. She absolutely hates her Tuesday schedule; she starts at nine, and has non-stop classes until one. She’s ready to go home, make herself a sandwich and take a nice long nap. Maybe later, she’ll call Camila and see what she’s up to. She’d gotten a notification last night that Camila had uploaded a bonus video, and she still hasn’t watched it. She wonders if it’ll be like the song she’d written, the song that _had_ to be about her.

She mumbles an apology as she bumps into someone, and she’s surprised when they say her name. Looking up tiredly, she meets Normani’s gaze and puts on a smile. “Hi. Sorry, I’m not really functioning right now, I’ve been up since seven.”

“Seven? That sucks,” Normani comments, and Lauren just yawns in response. “Mila mentioned she was going to call you later, so if I were you, I’d get a decent nap in beforehand.”

Lauren laughs. “Yeah, she can be kind of excitable, but if I tell her I’m tired, she’ll be fine with cuddling me.”

“Can I just ask…” Normani trails off with a sigh, “what are your… _intentions_ with her? Dinah seems to think you… you have a crush on her, and…”

“It’s that obvious, huh?” Lauren barks out a laugh. “I’m surprised she hasn’t noticed.”

Normani frowns. “You really like her?”

“I think I’ve loved her since I was eight. When my grandmother died and Camila used the money she’d been saving to buy herself a stuffed animal to buy me Nala.” Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, remembering the way she’d felt when Camila had given her Nala, telling her it was to make her smile. It was like nothing else she’d ever felt before, a huge wash of emotion that her eight year old mind couldn’t comprehend. “Nobody else had ever done anything like that. But she could never like me back, not after everything.”

Normani looks a little sceptical, but nods, and adjusts the purse on her arm. “Anyway, I’ve got to go, I’ve got a meeting, but… it was nice to hear that. And something tells me you’ve got a shot.”

At the elusive wording, Lauren frowns, wondering if Camila had said anything to Normani about her, but before she can ask, Normani is halfway down the street, being stopped by a fan for a picture. She shrugs it off, and continues to walk down the sidewalk towards her apartment, still a little tired and braindead after her four back to back lectures. She’s almost back to the safety of her apartment building when someone stops her; this time, it’s someone she doesn’t know.

“Aren’t you Camila Cabello’s new girlfriend?”

The words take her off guard, and she crinkles her nose in confusion. “No?”

“Well, obviously you know her, since she follows you, and so do Dinah and Ally. And I just saw you talking to Normani.” The girl says, eyeing her with something that looks a lot like disapproval. “And Dinah posted a picture saying she approves.”

Lauren should’ve known that little joke might’ve been taken out of context. She unlocks the front door to her apartment building and shrugs. “We’re childhood friends. That’s all.”

The girl scoffs. “Did Camila tell you to say that because she knows her fans are still latching onto Camriana?”

“Look, I honestly don’t know what you want from me,” Lauren says, pushing open the door to the building, “if it’s gossip, there’s nothing to tell you.”

She leaves it at that, and disappears into her apartment building, kicking the door shut behind her so it locks automatically, and walking over to the elevators, a little floored by the interaction. She texts Camila to let her know that some girl had just asked her if they were together, and apologises for the joke on Dinah’s Instagram post. She vows to be a little more careful from now on; half because she now knows Camila’s fans watch her like hawks and half because she doesn’t want Camila to know she likes her.

When the elevator dings, she gets out on her floor and uses the second key on her keychain to open the front door to their apartment. Yawning, she dumps her backpack by the couch, mumbles a hello to Lucy as she walks past her to get to her bedroom, and collapses on her bed.

She pulls her phone from her pocket and lets Camila’s song _All These Years_ play as she gets into her pyjamas. It’s finished by the time she’s snuggled down in bed, and she goes back to the younger girl’s channel and taps on the latest video.

 **TESTING WEIRD MAKEUP HACKS BECAUSE I’M A BEAUTY GURU NOW  
**_1,933,344 views_ ****  
Camila Cabello ---------- SUBSCRIBE: 3.6M  
Published on Oct 7, 2016

“As you _all_ are aware, I am _not_ talented when it comes to makeup. I literally make Dinah and Mani be my hair and makeup team or I just don’t bother,” Camila prefaces, spinning around on her desk chair, “so I thought, why not make it easier for myself? So, I got my favourite little elves, Dinah and Normani, to search up some weird makeup hacks that are _supposed_ to make putting makeup on easier. _Spoiler_ , some of them are like… ridiculously complex? Like, I don’t get how they make it easier.”

Lauren struggles to keep her eyes open, even though she really _wants_ to, because it’s so funny to watch Camila attempt to do things. Any time she feels herself nodding off, she’s careful to wake herself up so she can watch to the end of the video.

By the end, Camila is absolutely covered in makeup, and not in an appealing way. The Latina looks at herself in the mirror, laughs, and announces, “Well, I really hope my crush doesn’t want to FaceTime as soon as I’m done filming this video, because she definitely won’t want to date me after seeing _this_.”

Lauren yawns as Camila does her outro, and she’s asleep before the video is over, thinking about how she’d date Camila no matter what she looked like.

-

Camila looks down at the text, more than a little bit panicked.

**_lern jergi (1:17PM): Hey, Camz. Thought I should let you know that some random girl just asked me if we’re dating? I don’t know if she was just a fan or some weird sneaky gossip lady, but I thought you should know._ **

**_Camz (1:52PM): what did you say to her????_ **

Lauren hadn’t replied, and it had almost been an hour. She’s going a little crazy, and she’s stalking some of the more gossipy fans on Twitter, but there’s nothing more than a few theories that they’re dating, not anything from Lauren that could be taken as a confirmation for something that isn’t even _true_. The last thing she needs is for all of these _Camren_ theories to get bigger and start to spread, because Lauren might get suspicious and realise that they’re not exactly _wrong_ , that Camila likes her, and she’s only just got Lauren back. She can’t lose her again.

She tries to distract herself by heading into the kitchen to look for a snack, but she’s constantly checking her phone, and eventually she just thinks _fuck it_ and calls Lauren, hoping she’s smart enough to keep her phone on silent if she’s in class.

Lauren picks up after a few rings, grumbling slightly, and the way her voice is so raspy makes Camila’s stomach flood with guilt. She’d woken her up.

“ _Mmmm,”_ Lauren groans, and Camila hears her shift around, _“is something wrong? Do you need me?”_

“No, no, it’s not- I’m sorry, I woke you up,” Camila apologises, “I was just freaking out a bit. About- um, what you texted me.”

Lauren shifts again, and Camila hears her cough, and it makes her feel worse, because _what if Lauren was sick_? What if she was getting some much needed rest? “ _About that girl? It was probably nothing.”_

“Can you just… tell me what you said to her?” Camila asks, feeling like an idiot for calling over something so mundane. “Nothing that could be twisted, right?”

“ _Just that-”_ Lauren cuts herself off with a yawn, “ _just that we were childhood friends and if she wants gossip there isn’t any. She asked me about some ship name, I think you’ve mentioned it before.”_

Camila’s stomach drops. “Camren?”

“ _No, that’d be us, wouldn’t it?”_ Lauren replies, yawning again, “ _I don’t know, she just said your fans are still attached to it. Whatever that means.”_

Camila stays silent, and when it all clicks in her head, she sighs. Her fans honestly took the breakup between Camila and her ex, Ariana, harder than they did. It had been a mutual breakup; neither of them felt the spark they used to feel, and both knew deep down that they worked better as friends. Camila will always feel a little for her; after all, she was her first.

 _“Are you okay_?’ Lauren breaks Camila’s train of thought. “ _Do you need me to come over?”_

“No, you can go back to sleep, I’m sorry for waking you up,” Camila apologises, “I’m just being stupid and paranoid.”

“ _You’re not okay,”_ Lauren surmises from that, and Camila can hear her getting up, “ _I’ll be over in half an hour.”_

Camila’s stomach flips. “You don’t have to. If you were in the middle of a nap, it’s fine, just-”

“ _I’m already awake,”_ Lauren laughs, “ _I’ll be over soon. Maybe you can tell me about your plans for this week’s video.”_

“That’s super top secret intel, Lauren Michelle,” Camila awkwardly jokes, “so maybe you should save yourself the trouble and go back to sleep.”

 _“Nice try, Camz.”_ Lauren laughs, “ _I’m coming over. Be there in thirty minutes, okay?”_

Camila sighs, and she’s torn between being _happy_ that Lauren wants to spend time with her and _sad_ that she has to be around her crush for hours with no escape. Camila is one of the biggest blabbermouths in history, and she doesn’t doubt that she’ll reveal her feelings by making some stupid joke she couldn’t resist making.

“Alright,” Camila finally relents, because she knows that Lauren’s presence will ultimately make her feel less worried. “I’ll see you then.”

When Lauren hangs up, Camila stuffs her phone in her back pocket and pushes herself away from the kitchen counter, dragging herself up the stairs, but instead of going to her bedroom, she goes over to Dinah’s door, knocking before she pushes the door open and walks right in.

“What was the point of even knocking?” Dinah questions her, turning around from her desk where she’s editing, but her expression softens when she sees Camila. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“I can’t stop thinking about kissing her,” Camila groans, flopping down on Dinah’s bed, “I could’ve kissed her, if you hadn’t interrupted. And people are starting to notice some kind of romantic tension between us.”

“I apologised for that, you know I’m sorry,” Dinah says, “and I’ll stop teasing you about it on social media if that’s what’s making people ship you.”

“No, I don’t think it’s that.” Camila shakes her head. “They know you like to mess with me. I think it’s- they _know_ I like her or something. Someone, I think maybe someone from a gossip forum – they asked Lauren about me. If we were dating.”

Dinah frowns. “And what did she say?”

“Just that we were childhood friends. I felt kind of bad, I was freaking out and woke her up in case she said anything that could be twisted into a _yes_ ,” Camila runs a hand through her hair, “I should’ve known she wouldn’t do something like that. I’m just worried that these little _Camren_ accounts that I’ve seen popping up will gain popularity, and eventually it’ll all get back to her and it’ll freak her out. When I asked her about her sexuality, she said she wasn’t super open about it, and I feel like this would _force_ her to be, and I don’t want to make her uncomfortable…”

“Post a picture proving the childhood friends narrative,” Dinah suggests, and Camila nods along to the idea, already looking through her camera roll for a suitable picture. “Then people won’t be able to speculate that Lauren is lying, since she’s just sort of popped up recently.”

“Well, she was in an old video of mine, so if they’re OG fans, they’ll know,” Camila shrugs, choosing a photo to post. She messages Lauren quickly, asking if it’s okay for her to post it, and she okays it easily. “It was a Disneyworld vlog. Our parents – I mean, they didn’t really know that Lauren and I weren’t exactly friends anymore, and that we hardly talked – but they surprised us with a trip up to Orlando. It was like, the last time I really got to spend time with her, and she was actually being _herself_ , but any time I turned the camera on, she’d close off. I got a couple of comments where people were calling her bitchy, and after a couple of months, I deleted the video.”

“Yeah, I never saw that,” Dinah shrugs, “do you think she’d do that now? If you asked her to be in a video, I mean. You could call her your friend in it, and imply that there’s nothing going on.”

“I don’t know, I don’t think YouTube is her thing, and she’s being so sweet about it, because I _know_ she’s been watching all of my videos,” Camila sighs as she writes a quick caption for her Instagram post, “I just don’t want to overwhelm her at all.”

Dinah laughs. “You really like her, huh?”

“Don’t tell anyone,” Camila says, and decides to distract herself from the Lauren situation, “so, do you want to collab with me this week?”

They spend some time writing down ideas for a collab, deciding whose day they’ll post on, because while Camila posts her main channel videos on Fridays, Dinah posts hers on Tuesdays. They’re in the middle of an argument about whose upload day is better, when Camila’s phone buzzes.

**_lern jergi (3:27PM): I’m outside._ **

She excuses herself from Dinah’s room and practically sprints down the stairs, jumping the last three, and pulling open the front door. “Hi there.”

Lauren smiles, and from the way she’s looking at her, Camila knows that _Lauren_ knows she ran to open the door. “Hey. Are we staying in, or going out?”

“I’m in sweatpants,” Camila points out, and Lauren laughs, mumbling _good point_ , “I’ll take your jacket?”

Raising her eyebrows inquisitively, Lauren shrugs off her jacket and passes it to Camila. “Don’t you have like, servants for that?”

“Oh, _hah hah,_ ” Camila rolls her eyes, and puts Lauren’s bomber jacket over the bannister rail, something Lauren could easily have done by herself. “Did you see my post?”

“Yes. I think you’ll find I commented,” Lauren says, and as she takes her shoes off, Camila goes to the post. “Why did you want to post that, anyway? Not like it’s throwback Thursday.”

“Maybe I just want people to see my best friend in her awkward stage,” Camila teases her, even though she knows Lauren hadn’t had an awkward stage at all. She’d always been gorgeous. “Then again, I was _more_ awkward, so…”

“You were cute, shut up,” Lauren looks her over, and Camila feels completely vulnerable under her gaze. “Still _are_ cute.”

“Okay, stop flirting with me,” Camila jokes, and when she turns around she _cringes_. _Way to make it obvious, you fucking idiot_. “You really didn’t need to come over, you know.”

“You sounded worried, and I know that… that you’ve kind of always been anxious,” Lauren says, playing with the hem of her sweater. “I know firsthand how a little bit of anxiety can spiral into a panic attack.”

“Oh, I haven’t had a panic attack in forever,” Camila waves it off, reassuring her and leading her up the stairs, “not since school. Now that I’m not in an environment where I’m literally forced to interact with people I dislike, I’m in a good place.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Lauren smiles, squeezing her hand as they walk into Camila’s bedroom. “You deserve it.”

After a few moments of silence, and wondering if it’s appropriate for her to ask, Camila blurts out, “What about you? I mean, I know you had a bad spell of anxiety when your abuela died, and that it flares up when something big happens…”

“I’m okay,” Lauren assures her, sitting down on the end of Camila’s bed. “Promise. Even when I’m not, I’ve always had Nala to snuggle, and that makes me feel a million times better.”

“It’s so cute that you still cuddle her,” Camila comments, and pulls back her curtains, which she keeps closed almost always, to reveal her stuffed Stitch on the windowsill. “Stitch lives here now.”

Lauren lets out a dramatic gasp. “The _horror_. I can’t believe you won’t give him the cuddles he deserves.”

“I always just figured I was too old for it.” Camila says, and if anything, Lauren looks even more offended, “ _What_? Don’t act like you didn’t keep Nala your dirty little secret during high school.”

“Excuse you, but I never _denied_ her existence.” Lauren argues, rolling her eyes. “Not my fault nobody ever _asked_ me if I still slept with my stuffed animal.”

“Oh, sure, Mrs _cooler-than-thou_ would’ve totally admitted that if someone asked her,” Camila retorts, sitting down next to Lauren; she’s not at all surprised when Lauren rests her head on her shoulder and loops her arm through Camila’s. She’s instantly reminded of how they were when they were younger, they always had to be touching. “You know, when you started acting out, I almost told everyone, but I remembered how upset you were back when you were a fourth grader, after your abuela died and you wouldn’t go anywhere without Nala, and some kid made fun of you.”

“Well, thank you for keeping that a secret, because I was always kind of insecure about needing her to sleep,” Lauren answers, “now I couldn’t care less.”

“I got that impression when you walked around the grocery store holding her,” Camila laughs, and when Lauren nuzzles against her, snuggling closer, she breathes in sharply. “So, um, I have something to ask you.”

“Sure,” Lauren answers, tangling their fingers together, “you can ask me anything.”

“I have this… event,” Camila prefaces, biting down on her bottom lip and trying to phrase this so it _doesn’t_ sound like she’s asking Lauren on a date. “It’s a YouTube Red premiere for a friend’s new movie, and the girls and I were all invited with plus ones. So, um… do you want to come with me?”

Lauren sends her a teasing smile. “I don’t know, I think I might have another premiere that night.”

Camila gives her a light shove, and Lauren just laughs, snuggling up to her even more. “Alright, offer retracted if you’re going to be a bitch about it.”

“No, no,” Lauren giggles, kissing her cheek, and Camila’s stomach does about twenty backflips in a row. “I’d love to come. What’s the dress code?”

“Formal,” Camila says, “like, pretty dresses and stuff. You’ll probably have to be in a few pictures with me, since we’ll be walking the red carpet, so if you’re not comfortable with that…”

“No, I’m okay with it,” Lauren smiles, “I have a black dress I tend to recycle for nice occasions, so I’ll probably just do that. Are you picking me up, or should I come here?”

“You should come here, I think we’ve got a car to take us to the event,” Camila says, before an idea hits her and she adds, “you can come after getting yourself ready, or we could get ready together and do each other’s makeup, but as you probably know, I’m not that good at it.”

“Yeah, I’m not surprised judging by your recent video,” Lauren comments, and Camila blushes, “but, you know, your crush is stupid if she’s going to reject you after watching that.”

Camila hums, and when Lauren nestles her head into the bend in Camila’s neck, she murmurs, “For some reason, I don’t think she will.”

Lauren smiles knowingly, and Camila wonders if they’re on the same page, if they’re _both_ just too scared to tell the other how they feel. _But if she likes you back, maybe she has a reason for not telling you_ , Camila reminds herself, _maybe the fact that you’re a popular YouTuber is scaring her off, maybe she doesn’t want to be judged by a bunch of rabid fans._

 _But your fans aren’t rabid,_ Camila argues that point in her head, _most of them are so sweet and respectful, it’s just that crazy five percent that ruin it all. Maybe they’d all adore Lauren just as much as you do._

 _Well, that’s probably not possible, nobody could adore Lauren as much as you do, she’s your person_ , Camila points out, and when she turns and meets Lauren’s gorgeous green gaze, she practically melts, and makes a decision. _She can come to me. If she likes me back, she can tell me first._

_liked by_ **laurenjauregui, allybrooke** _and_ **68,348 others  
camila_cabello: **old but gold i luv u lern jergi @ **laurenjauregui**  
_3 hours ago_

 __  
**laurenjauregui:** Thanks for posting preteen me to your TWO MILLION FOLLOWERS  
   **camila_cabello:** u welcome bbgurl  
    **camrenisreal:** is this a ship now

 _  
liked by_ **camila_cabello, lucyvives** _and_ **11,235 others  
** **laurenjauregui:** Posting this purely to prove that I got cuter than the burnt chicken nugget on @ **camila_cabello** ’s page. Thanks for posting that, bitch. :)  
 _2 hours ago_

 __  
**camila_cabello:** even though i look like a burnt chicken nugget, i still love myself  
   **laurenjauregui:** Shhhshshshshshshsh you are ethereal.  
    **camila_cabello:** oooooh lern jergi ur making me swooooooon  
     **lucyvives:** get a room gays oops uh i mean guys

**camila_cabello** _followed_ **lucyvives!  
lucyvives ** _followed_ **camila_cabello** _back!_

**normani** _followed_ **laurenjauregui!  
laurenjauregui ** _followed_ **normani** _back!_


	7. 6

“You look…” Camila trails off, and Lauren waits patiently for a _positive_ adjective, “no words.”

“No words in a good way?” Lauren asks, and Camila nods so aggressively that Lauren worries she’ll give herself whiplash. “Alright, I’ll take that. You look gorgeous, Camz.”

“And we’re both wearing black,” Camila observes, hands reaching out and smoothing down the dress, and Lauren practically melts at the feeling of her fingers tracing the length of her curves, “great minds think alike.”

“More like soulmates think alike,” Lauren comments, and before Camila can react, she changes the subject. “So, um, I told my mom we’d reconnected. She was really happy to hear it. Like, _really_ happy. Probably happier than I was.”

“Good to know my charm still works on all the Jauregui women,” Camila chuckles, and she takes Lauren’s hand, seems to consider something for a moment, and leans in, kissing her on the cheek. Lauren’s heart flutters and she wonders if she’s being obvious. “You really do look beautiful, Lauren. I’ll have the hottest date at the entire premiere.”

Lauren knows she’s using the word _date_ as a general kind of descriptor, not necessarily referring to anything romantic, but it still makes her stomach flip. “I mean, I’m not going to dispute you on that. I _am_ pretty hot.”

Camila smiles, and threads their fingers together, pulling through to the lounge. “I think we can probably squeeze in an episode of _Game of Thrones_ before we have to leave. Dinah and Normani take their time when we’re going places.”

“Can I be honest with you?” Lauren blurts out as she smooths out her dress and sits down on the couch. “I’m- um… a little nervous about this event.”

Camila blinks as the words go in, and when a fond smile settles on her face, Lauren feels even more embarrassed. “That’s sweet. You have nothing to be nervous about. We’ll just walk the red carpet, looking hot, and then go into the building and watch the movie. Basically like… like a trip to the movies on crack.”

Lauren opens her mouth to comment on that last part, because she doesn’t think that being on crack is something to joke about. As someone who had almost experienced an addiction, she’d rather people didn’t make light of it, but she knows Camila didn’t mean it in that way, and it’s not like they’ve _talked_ about any of that yet. That’s a conversation she’d rather not have, if she’s being honest, so she keeps her mouth shut and focuses on the issue at hand.

“I know, but… you have a lot of fans, right,” Lauren says, and before she can give Camila a chance to reply, she continues, “what if they don’t like me? Or what if- what if I trip and ruin the red carpet, and- and I’m just not cut out for all of this.”

“Hey, no, first of all, the only thing I’m worried about is _you_ upstaging _me_ ,” Camila laughs, “and I mean, you know how clumsy I am, so if anyone trips, it’ll be me.”

Lauren sighs, resting her head on Camila’s shoulder as the younger girl gets an episode of _Game of Thrones_ up on the TV. “I just… feel like I’m not going to fit into your world. You’re this… this _megastar_ and I’m just some lame college student.”

“I’m hardly a megastar,” Camila snorts, “if I was, I wouldn’t be able to walk down the street without getting mobbed. Sure, in the YouTube world, _maybe_ I’m recognisable, but mainstream media still dominates. Besides… my world will always have a place for you.”

Lauren’s stomach twists and turns. “You mean that?”

“Yeah,” Camila smiles, “god, I really want to play with your hair, but I don’t want to mess it up.”

“I like to make my hair look intentionally messy, so go ahead,” Lauren mumbles, wrapping her arms around Camila’s waist, and she practically melts when the younger girl starts running her fingers through her hair. “Hey, Camz?”

“Yeah?” Camila asks, and Lauren rolls her eyes a little when Joffrey comes on screen. “What’s up?”

“Do you ever see yourself moving into mainstream media?” Lauren questions, because she knows that if Camila really worked on her music, she could be propelled to stardom. “Or would you just stick to YouTube?”

“Well, I mean… do you know Troye Sivan?” Camila asks, and Lauren nods in reply. “Well, when he became a real musician, he sort of… ditched YouTube, and I saw a few people accusing him of like… thinking he was _better_ than it? Which is completely stupid, because I know Troye, and he’s so sweet. I feel like for me, if my music ever really took off like that, I’d still post videos as much as I could. Obviously not weekly, because it takes up like two full days a week just filming and editing, and when you’re a musician, you’re constantly writing or recording or touring, so that wouldn’t be realistic. Yes, music is my main passion, and if I could go into that full time, I would, but I’d still put up as many videos as I could, even if it was _monthly_ rather than _weekly_.”

Lauren plays with Camila’s fingers, “Because that’s what people know you for, or because that’s what you love to do?”

“A little bit of both, honestly,” Camila shrugs, “I mean, some of my viewers only watch my vlogs and comedy videos, and others prefer the music, and I wouldn’t want to just alienate them. I feel like I have a good balance right now, you know? Even if I do post a cover or an original song, there’s still my weekly vlog, which reminds me, I’ll need to get some footage for that tonight. It’s always great when I actually do something interesting.”

“I’ll watch anything you post,” Lauren murmurs, and she means it. Since they’d reconnected, she’d managed to get through all of the videos up on Camila’s main channel. “You’re so creative.”

Camila is quiet for a moment, and Lauren wonders if somehow she’d said something wrong, but then the younger girl just blurts out, “Will you be in a video?”

Lauren frowns, not quite understanding. “You want me in a video? Why? It’s not like I can bring you any publicity.”

“Well, no, obviously not, but it’s not about that,” Camila shakes her head, “I’d collab with someone with one subscriber, as long as they were my friend and we had a good time together. And I know we _will_ have a good time.”

Lauren considers it, but she isn’t sure she wants to be put out there under the public eye. She knows that the internet brings out the worst in people; because they’re hidden behind a screen, people say the stuff they wouldn’t dare to say to your face. She opens her mouth to say no, to apologise, but takes one look at the hopeful spark in Camila’s gentle brown eyes and finds herself nodding. “Okay. Yeah. I’ll do it.”

Camila grins practically from ear to ear, and Lauren’s heart soars at the sight. “Okay. Good. We don’t have to do anything like, extreme. _Ooh,_ I’ve never done a mukbang before, we could order a bunch of food from Domino’s and just pig out and talk.”

Lauren hums. It doesn’t sound too stressful, so she nods. “Okay. That sounds good.”

“Alright, Camren, time to go, car’s here,” Dinah peers around from the hallway and raises her eyebrows at how close they are. “Well, you look comfortable. Sure you want to come?”

“Yes, yes,” Camila rolls her eyes and stands up, holding out a hand to help Lauren up, and the older Latina takes it, not intending on letting go as they walk out into foyer. Almost as if she can sense Lauren’s nerves, Camila smiles, kissing her cheek again. “You’ll be fine. You look absolutely stunning, so you don’t need to worry about the pictures.”

Camila holds her hand as they get into the car, and makes sure to sit next to her. Lauren practically snuggles her the whole way there, and she knows she’s probably coming off as clingy, but it’s not like this is _new_ for them. When they were children, they were always snuggling at any chance they got.

When they get to the venue the event is being held at, Lauren can’t help but feel a little out of her depth. Even though Camila had been so sweet and reassuring, she doesn’t really know how this kind of thing works, and she knows that people will be wondering why the hell she’s even _there_.

Dinah exits the car first, walking the carpet solo, and Normani follows her, meeting her date, a guy named Val. Then Ally, who meets up with her boyfriend Troy and takes his hand as they walk down the red carpet. Camila sends her a reassuring smile, watching as they walk, stopping for pictures and surrounded by photographers, yelling at them to look in every single possible direction at the same time. It’s all very overwhelming, especially the flashes of the cameras.

“We’re good, okay,” Camila assures her, bringing Lauren’s hand up to her lips and kissing the back of it. “Just a nice, slow walk down there, and then we’re in the building and we can sit down and watch the movie.”

“Have you done this before?” Lauren asks once they’re told to start walking. She winces a little at the flash of the cameras; her eyes have always been sensitive to light. “You know, walked a red carpet.”

“Once,” Camila replies, and takes a moment to pose for a few pictures before they’re told they can move along, “I like to pretend it never happened, though. I was seventeen and I dressed like a math teacher.”

Lauren snorts, and Camila gives her a soft elbow to the side. “What? That’s funny.”

“I don’t know anything about fashion,” Camila rolls her eyes, “Dinah and Mani pick everything out for me nowadays. Otherwise I’d have shown up in skinny jeans and a plaid shirt.”

“Wow, what a lesbian,” Lauren teases her, and poses for a few more pictures with Camila, knowing that she’ll probably look awkward and squinty and out of place, but not caring, because it doesn’t matter what some jerks on the internet say. Camila had invited _her_ to this event, not some other super popular YouTuber who could give her exposure.

She’s grateful when the pictures are over, and they’re ushered inside to their seats. Camila and her plus one are situated between Dinah and Ally, so Lauren feels comfortable around the people she knows.

“Can I, um…” She trails off, not sure if it’s appropriate here, “can I rest my head on your shoulder?”

“Duh,” Camila smiles, wrapping an arm around her waist, and Lauren rests her head on Camila’s shoulder. “Hey, remember that time you said if I was a guy, I’d be the best boyfriend ever?”

Lauren cringes. “Yeah. Sorry about that. Especially because I said the _d_ slur. I guess I thought if I acted like I was disgusted by liking girls, I’d make myself look straight. I probably really upset you and I’m so sorry about that. I know how you… um, felt. Back then.”

She keeps it light, casual, and most importantly, _past tense._ While there have been some vibes she’d usually pick up as flirting, there’s a huge part of Lauren that doesn’t believe she’s good enough for Camila, and she finds it hard to believe that Camila could ever feel romantically towards her again after the way she’d treated her and how toxic she’d been.

“At the time, yeah, but it’s so funny to look back on now,” Camila laughs, “because you’re damn right. I’m chivalrous as fuck.”

 _I don’t doubt that_ , Lauren thinks, and she wishes she was brave enough to take that risk, to kiss Camila, but she doesn’t want to make any unwanted advances. She’s almost always been unsure of taking that first step, mostly with women more than men. With men, it’s obvious that they’re into you, but women are much more subtle, and some straight women can be weirdly flirty and Lauren has a habit of getting mixed signals, so to be safe, she never makes the first move with girls.

“Yeah, you are,” Lauren answers, wondering how things will be when Camila gets a girlfriend. Obviously, she’s not going to stay single for long, because Camila is completely gorgeous, and smart, and funny, and she has pretty much everything anyone would want in a woman. And Lauren knows that if _she_ were Camila’s girlfriend, and Camila was as touchy with another friend as she is with Lauren, that she’d get jealous.

“What’re you thinking about?” Camila whispers as the movie starts. “You look super contemplative.”

Lauren thinks up a lie pretty quickly. “Just… thinking about how surreal all of this is.”

Camila laughs. “It’s pretty surreal to me too. I can’t believe YouTube led to all of this stuff.”

“I’m so proud of you,” Lauren informs her, squeezing Camila’s hand. “For everything you’ve achieved and accomplished. _Three million subscribers_.”

Even though they’re in a dark room, she can see that Camila is blushing. “I’m proud of you too, you know?”

“Why?” Lauren whispers back, nuzzling her face against Camila’s shoulder affectionately. “I haven’t done anything. Not anything close to what you’ve achieved.”

Camila shakes her head, and her fingers start tracing patterns across Lauren’s bare upper arm. Lauren feels sparks follow the younger girl’s fingertips and wonders if Camila knows the effect she has on her. “I mean, you could’ve easily just given up when it came to your schoolwork; I know how much your grades slipped, especially in your sophomore year, but you worked your ass off and now you’re studying _law_ , which is what like, _smart_ people study. And at a really good college. Just because you achieved something academically rather than creatively, that doesn’t make it any less of an achievement.”

Camila _wants_ to add something about getting off whatever drugs Lauren was on, but that’s something they’ve not talked about, except awkwardly glossing over it on their first meeting. Camila gets the feeling that it’s not something Lauren would want to talk about, so she doesn’t ask.

“I know, but still, you’re like…” Lauren trails off, trying to think of a word better than _rich,_ “set for life, basically.”

Camila shrugs, and when she kisses the top of Lauren’s head, her stomach flips. “YouTube isn’t forever. I could start losing views and subs and that’ll be that. I’m not as secure as you think.”

“Yeah, but,” Lauren sits up, and meets Camila’s gaze in the darkened room, “I find it hard to believe that people would get bored of you.”

Camila beams at her, and she looks so happy and light that Lauren is reminded of the moment she’d _realised_ she loved her. That was the moment she can pinpoint her feelings to, the moment she realised she’d _always_ loved her, even if she hadn’t quite comprehended it.

**2006**

_“Lolo!”_

_Lauren smiles as she pulls away from her mom, running into the hug and snuggling into Camila’s outstretched arms. “Hi, Camz. Happy ninth birthday!”_

_“I’m old now, like you,” Camila grins, and takes the present Lauren passes her, “for me?”_

_“For you,” Lauren smiles and her stomach does that twisty thing when Camila smiles. “Did you invite everyone for a big party again?”_

_“No, I don’t like the people in my class,” Camila reminds her, and Lauren knows that. She knows she’s Camila’s only friend. Even though Lauren has other friends, she likes Camila the best, and she knows that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Everyone has a best friend, and Camila is Lauren’s. “But I love you, mi amor!”_

_At the words, Lauren blushes, and watches as Clara gives Sinu her overnight bag. She takes Camila’s hand, and pulls her into the empty lounge, pulling out the mood ring from her pocket and holding it out. She wanted to give this to Camila in private. “This- um, this is for you too. I asked… I asked my papi how he got my mami to stay with him forever, and he said he gave her a ring, and it’s called… um, I think it’s called opposing, I don’t know, it was a long word. But, um, I’m opposing to you. Oh, wait, papi said I need to be on one knee, hold on.”_

_Lauren gets down on one knee and holds the ring out; she’d bought it especially with her allowance; it cost two whole dollars, which was two weeks allowance, but she knows that Camila is worth it, and she wanted to buy her a present with her_ real _money, not just something she makes her mami buy for her._

_Camila blinks and takes the ring from Lauren. It fits perfectly on her fourth finger, and she smiles, admiring it. “Thank you for opposing to me. I- um, I would oppose to you too, but I don’t have a ring…”_

_“No, that’s okay, only one of us has to do it, that’s what papi said,” Lauren explains, “and now it means we both want to be together forever, and he said a word that starts with an e, but I can’t remember what it was. I stopped listening because I was already thinking about how to buy you a ring.”_

_“I love you, Lolo,” Camila smiles, pulling her in for a tight hug, “and I’m happy we’re staying together forever.”_

_Lauren nods, and she feels a funny feeling in her stomach, a feeling she’s never felt before. All she knows is that she never wants to_ stop _feeling it. “I love you too, Camz.”_

“Hey, Camz?” Lauren nudges her, and Camila blinks, like she’d almost been falling asleep. Lauren, who hadn’t really been watching the movie at all, gets that it probably isn’t that good. “Do you still have that mood ring? The one I _opposed_ to you with?”

Camila chuckles lightly, and nods. “Mhm. I have that, _and_ the first picture you ever drew of me.”

“That was ten years ago.” Lauren’s stomach flips like it’s an instant reaction, but she plays it off like a joke, “Wow, we’re the definition of a long engagement.”

Camila snickers, and elbows her in the side. “Oh my god, don’t try to make me laugh, we have to be _quiet_!”

Lauren just smiles. “Maybe I like the sound of your laugh.”

It happens again; one of those longing looks. Green meets brown, and for a moment, it’s like nothing else matters but the two of them. In that moment, Lauren genuinely feels like maybe Camila feels the same way about her, that maybe this beautiful woman sees something worth loving in her.

Their moment is shattered by a cheap jumpscare in the movie, the loud music jolting Lauren out of her trance. She blushes, and rests her head back on Camila’s shoulder, reminding herself that it’s _not_ going to happen.

 **VLOG 35 – WALKING THE RED CARPET**  
_1,094,849 views_  
Camila Vlogs -------- SUBSCRIBE: 1.2M  
Published Oct 17, 2016

“So, we just got out of the movie, what’d you think?”

Camila angles the camera towards Lauren, and she shrugs. “I mean, I barely got to watch it, you were gossiping so much.”

“ _You_ were gossiping, weirdo.” Camila pokes her in the upper arm. “Don’t go spreading lies about me, Lern Jergi. Anyway, I had the hottest date to this premiere, look at her, she’s gorgeous.”

Even in the low lighting, Camila’s camera picks up the pink blush on Lauren’s cheeks. “Shut up, _you’re_ gorgeous.”

“You want to fight me?” Camila raises her eyebrows teasingly, “Because I could go all day, you know.”

_[Write a comment…]_

**camilaxdinah** are they flirting or is it just me  
   **Dinah Jane Hansen** it’s not just you lol

 **CamrianasLove** Idk I get weird vibes from this lauren girl hopefully ariana will make camila realise that  
   **ththtlcamila** Yeah I feel you she seems like a bitch ****  
  


  
_liked by_ **camrenisreal** _and_ **1,284 others  
CamilaUpdates: **Camila and her friend @ **laurenjauregui** at the premiere for the new YouTube Red movie tonight in LA.  
_an hour ago_

 **camrenisreal:** ‘friend’ come on it’s obvious they’re dating  
   **CamilaUpdates:** They’re not unless they say they are

 **superrrcabello:** idk im not sure about her i think its weird that a random nobody just suddenly wants to be bffs with mila at the height of her sucess  
   **camila_cabello:** *success and i’ve known her since i was six so NEXT

 

__

_liked by_ **laurenjauregui, normani** _and_ **53,419 others  
camila_cabello: **hey @ **laurenjauregui** let’s build a time machine and go back to tell our lil seven year old selves that we’ll be the hottest bitches at this premiere  
_23 minutes ago_

 **laurenjauregui:** Cussing at seven year olds??? Why Miss Cabello, I think I may be a bad influence on you.  
   **camila_cabello:** says the girl who still sleeps with a stuffed animal  
    **laurenjauregui:** You have absolutely no proof of that.  
     **camila_cabello:** what happened to ‘i don’t give a fuck i’m not embarrassed about it anymore’  
      **laurenjauregui:** Fine!!! I’m not ashamed of the bond Nala and I share!!!!

 **normani:** Wow crop me out bitch I see how it is  
   **camila_cabello:** SORRY MANI U KNOW UR STILL MY FAV


	8. 7

**MUKBANG WITH MY BEST FRIEND  
**_1,249,345 views_ ****  
Camila Cabello ----------- SUBSCRIBE: 3.6M  
Published on Oct 28, 2016

“I hate intros, you all know this by now, but I’m Camila, and I’m here with one of my best friends in the whole entire world,” Camila announces into the camera, and Lauren blinks, jumping a little in surprise at how she just _switched on_. “ _This_ is the absolutely wonderful Lauren Jauregui, and some of you OG viewers might remember her from about… _five_ years ago when little fetus Camila forced her to be in a Disney vlog, and that’s _exactly_ what’s happening now, because you _really_ don’t want to be here, do you?”

“I want to be here with _you_ ,” Lauren shrugs, still looking a little bewildered, “I just don’t really know what’s going on. But I want to support you, and I know this is your passion, so…”

“Aw, you’re so cute,” Camila smiles, and she feels that same rush of adoration wash over her, the same flutter in her heart, and quickly pushes it away, glancing back at the camera, “What’s bothering you about it?”

“It’s just weird to me, to look at a camera and talk,” Lauren laughs nervously, and looks anywhere _but_ the camera, “I have even more respect for you, for not feeling awkward when you do this.”

“No, I know what you mean,” Camila assures her, squeezing her hand, “just talk to me. Pretend the camera isn’t there.”

After a few moments, Lauren nods, and even though she’s still a little tense, she seems to relax. “Okay, so, um… yeah. I’m Lauren, like Camila said. And we’re… filming a video.”

“They know that already,” Camila teases her, and she puts an arm around her best friend, trying to make her calm. “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to this, and _you guys,”_ she turns to the camera with a grin, “you guys will get used to Lauren, because I’m with her basically all the time, so I’ll probably force her to be in my vlogs, and if you _don’t_ already watch my vlogs, you should, because they’re basically the best vlogs on the planet since I’m so hilarious – watch out for the Halloween vlog featuring Lauren as Daenerys! That’s who you’re going as, right?”

She waits for the inevitable _you’re not funny,_ but Lauren stays quiet, just nodding in confirmation of her costume, so she turns to her with a smile, “You aren’t going to debate my hilariousness?”

“No, I think you’re funny,” Lauren smiles, “even if you make dad jokes all the time.”

_[Write a comment…]_

**lgbtcabello** isn’t this that lauren that was really bitchy and condescending in that old Disney video?? No thanks I’ll pass on this bring Ariana back

 **camilascabello** lol she ugly

 **norminahscabello** they’re so cute hey camila change the title to mukbang with my girlfriend bc you’re both clearly crushing on each other

 **CaminahxLove:** She so obviously has a crush on Mila but like can you blame her?? #camren  
   **Camriana Is Real:** Um no camriana is better and they’re obviously soulmates this lauren bitch is too ugly for camila  
    **Normani Updates:** u really think mila would like you calling her best friend ugly??? Idiots

Camila reads the comments, frowning more and more as she scrolls down. There are a number of people, saying that she and Lauren are cute, that they should date, or theorising that they already _are_ , but in secret. Surprisingly, those aren’t the comments that bother her.

The comments that bother her are the ones that are people insulting Lauren. People with _her_ name as their usernames, calling Lauren ugly, saying she doesn’t deserve her, all because they’re obsessed with her relationship with her ex.

She hopes to god that Lauren won’t check the comments section, and deletes all of the negative ones that she can see, pinning and liking the supportive ones. She even likes a couple of the ones that jokingly insinuate they’re a couple.

Once she’s done that, she pulls out her vlogging camera and starts to film. “Hi! So, it’s Halloween right now, and I’m not doing anything _now_ , but I’m just getting my stuff together to go over to Lauren’s apartment. We’re having a party, and by party, we’re going to be hanging out by ourselves drinking red— _grape juice_. Red grape juice. Because neither of us are twenty one, we’re drinking red grape juice. I mean, technically not a lie, right?”

She knows she’ll be acting like a drunk _later_ , but she can always pretend like she’s just _happy_. Besides, as long as she doesn’t post herself literally consuming the wine, she should be fine.

“Anyway, I need to figure out a costume,” Camila says, “I have my Hogwarts robes in my closet, so I could always take them and say that I’m a random Hufflepuff student. Yeah, I’ll probably just do that. It’s either that or cutting eye holes in my bedsheet and showing up as a ghost.”

“Um, anyway, I’m excited to spend Halloween with Lauren. It’s actually the first time I’ll have spent Halloween with her since we were… well, I was twelve, she was thirteen, because she’s a year older. Well, a little under a year. The year after that, she was in high school, so she spent it with her new friends there,” Camila prefaces, “so… yeah. I think we’re just going to watch some scary movies and get… hydrated. With the grape juice.”

She winks obviously at the camera, and laughs a little, “Yeah, I’ll see you guys again when I’m with Lauren. Honestly, I’m surprised she’s still willing to hang out with me when I’m waving a camera in her face constantly.”

She puts her camera down and yawns, crossing over to her closet and grabbing her Hogwarts robes out. It sounds stupid, but once she’d started to build up her savings, she’d figured that buying the official Hogwarts robes would be a good investment. She folds them up carefully, and makes sure to grab the tie, packing them into her backpack along with her clothes for tomorrow and her pyjamas. After a few minutes, she rethinks the pyjamas, putting her pyjama _shorts_ in her bag, but taking the t-shirt out, because she kind of _wants_ to steal one from Lauren.

She zips up her backpack, and walks out of the room, and switches the light off as she goes. She walks into the kitchen and opens up the _alcohol cupboard_ and grabs the bottle of wine Camila had made Ally buy for her, stuffing that in her backpack too.

She swings it onto her back and grabs her keys, calling out a goodbye to her roommates as she walks out of the front door. She texts Lauren to let her know she’s on her way, and puts her earbuds in for the walk to the older girl’s apartment. She’s learned that there’s a good shortcut past one of the UCLA buildings, and it’s good for camouflage, because she just looks like a random student.

She gets to Lauren’s apartment building and rings the bell to be let in. When the door clicks open, she decides to take the stairs, because she _knows_ they’ll be ordering takeout and could use the extra exercise.

She gets to Lauren’s floor, and walks down the corridor, knocking on the apartment’s front door and waiting for it to open.

“Happy Halloween!”

Camila raises her eyebrows at Lauren as the door swings open, completely decked out in a Daenerys Targaryen costume, complete with a platinum blonde wig. “Should I have come dressed up?”

Lauren takes one look at her, in a plain old jeans and t-shirt, and pouts. “Yes! It’s Halloween, you have to dress up.”

“I have a costume in my bag!” Camila holds her hands up in defence, “I wasn’t going to walk all the way here dressed in my Hogwarts robes.”

“Weak,” Lauren scoffs, “I’d walk to your place dressed like the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea-”

“You could just save yourself time and say _Daenerys_ ,” Camila interrupts, sending her a teasing smile, “you don’t have to reel off her entire title.”

“Excuse you, the Mother of Dragons deserves respect,” Lauren shoots back, “bow to me or I’ll feed you to Drogon.”

“Oh, where’s he hiding?” Camila laughs, nodding towards Lauren’s bedroom door. “I’ll go change. And I have a bottle of red wine in my backpack, should I leave that in your room?”

“You can leave it in the kitchen, my roommates are all out already,” Lauren explains, and when Camila sends her a questioning glance, she shrugs, “a party.”

Camila’s smile dims. “You could’ve gone with them. You don’t have to stay here with me, I can always go home if you want to-”

“I don’t want to go,” Lauren interrupts, taking her hand and squeezing it reassuringly. “Seriously, I’m happier hanging with you.”

Camila smiles at the words she’d so desperately wanted to hear back in high school. She can’t help herself when she pulls Lauren in for a hug and mumbles, “That means so much to me, _mi amor_.”

The term of endearment slips out, but Lauren just sends her that adorably lopsided grin and murmurs, “Wow, we’re bringing that back, huh?”

“Sure,” Camila says, and almost like it’s a _ritual_ , they share another one of those longing looks, both wanting to make a move but not sure how the other feels, until Camila finally breaks it, looking over at the TV. “So, are we watching any scary movies tonight?”

“Of course, it’s _Halloween_ ,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “don’t worry, if you get nightmares, I’ll look after you.”

Camila smiles, and dumps her backpack on the kitchen counter, pulling out the bottle of wine and holding it up with a smirk. “I think with some of this in me, I’ll find it more _funny_ than anything.”

Lauren just laughs, taking the bottle from her and grabbing two glasses from the cupboard. “You go and get into your costume, loser. I’ll pour the drinks.”

Camila pauses on the way to Lauren’s bedroom door. “What’s the point in getting into costume if we’re just hanging out around here, watching movies?”

“Um, we’re actually having the greatest Halloween party ever, and all Halloween parties require costumes,” Lauren announces, sending her a stern look. On anyone else, it would intimidate her, but on Lauren, it’s laughable, because a _puppy_ is more intimidating than she is. “Go get into your costume.”

“Alright, fine,” Camila relents, and she walks into Lauren’s bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

She’s decided she really likes Lauren’s room. It’s smaller than she’s used to – much smaller, if she’s honest – but the way the navy walls match the dark bedsheets, the cute little balcony, the ridiculously organised bookshelf… it’s all just so _Lauren_. It’s so organised and neat; everything has its place, but it’s not _scary_ neat. You can tell that someone lives there, from the wrinkles in the crisply made bed, to the few odd socks scattered on the vinyl floor.

Camila spots Nala rested on Lauren’s pillows, and she smiles, petting the stuffed lion on the head. “Thanks for looking after her when I couldn’t.”

She grabs her things out of her bag, and gets out of her jeans and shirt, pulling on her Hogwarts robes. She frowns a little at the tie; she’d never really learned how to tie one.

After stuffing her clothes back into her bag, making sure her pyjama shorts are at the top, she walks back out into the kitchen and holds up the yellow Hufflepuff tie with a pout. “You don’t happen to know how to tie a tie, do you?”

Lauren snorts in amusement, but hops off the kitchen counter where she’d sat, and crosses the room, taking the tie from Camila. She smiles, and stands close to her, brushing Camila’s hair back and popping the collar of the white shirt she’s wearing under her robe. “I learned how to do this at school, so I’m basically a professional.”

As Lauren ties the tie, and Camila tries not to freak out because of just how close they are. She’s thinking about how if she just leaned forward an inch then they’d be kissing when she awkwardly laughs, and says, “Oh, yeah, I forgot you had a uniform. You had ties?”

“Mhm. White shirts, grey cardigans, ties, and an ugly ass over-the-knee length plaid skirt. And a blazer, but that was optional.” Lauren shrugs, finishing the tie and smoothing it down, tucking it under Camila’s grey sweater, her hands dangerously close to her chest. “I opted _out_ of that part.”

“Still, you probably looked good,” Camila murmurs, a little annoyed when Lauren steps back and grabs her glass of wine, offering the other one out to her. She takes it and has a sip. “You’d look good in anything.”

Lauren snorts. “I beg to differ. Anyway, can you take a couple of photos for me for my Instagram? This wig is really itchy but I can’t cop out for pictures.”

Camila smiles, and puts her glass down as Lauren offers her phone out, ready on the camera. “Go up against that wall right there.”

Lauren does as she says, and Camila takes a few pictures for her, each one as gorgeous as the next, and then Lauren pulls the wig off and opens her bedroom door, tossing it into her closet, her hair still up in a messy bun. “Alright, now _that’s_ done…”

Camila passes her phone back to her, and when Lauren turns around to grab her wine glass, that’s when she notices the dragonfly at the nape of her neck. She knew that Lauren had tattoos; she’d seen the four on her arms from a distance, the number twenty seven, the bee, the date, and her grandmother’s name.

“Okay, that’s probably my favourite one of your tattoos,” Camila murmurs, and without thinking, her fingers trace over the intricate little dragonfly. “It’s beautiful.”

“Oh, thank you,” Lauren smiles at her, before tugging her hair out of the hair tie and slipping it back onto her wrist. “It was the first one I got. Hurt like a bitch.”

“Clearly not enough to put you off getting more,” Camila laughs, and Lauren just smiles, taking a sip of her wine and grabbing Camila’s hand, pulling her over to the couch. “I like it.”

“I think my favourite one is probably my back tattoo,” Lauren shrugs casually, and Camila’s knees go weak. She’s thankful she’s sat down, because _a back tattoo?_ That’s hot. “Would you ever get any?”

Camila stops the _show me the back tattoo_ demand before it comes out, and shrugs like Lauren isn’t the most attractive human being on the face of the earth. “Probably not. I’m kind of a wimp, and I’m indecisive…”

Lauren hums. “Thought so. I like that about you, though. I know most people our age are pretty into tattoos, but… I like that you’re different.”

“I think you might be pretty biased,” Camila jokes, and Lauren just smiles, watching her with that look of total adoration that makes Camila want to kiss her senseless. “What made you get your nose pierced?”

“I just always wanted it done,” Lauren replies, taking a drink of her wine, “that didn’t hurt as much as I expected it to. Just made my eyes water a little.”

“I know I keep saying it, but I missed you so much, Lo,” Camila murmurs, and she doesn’t really know where this is coming from. “It’s weird, but I’ve always felt like something is _missing_ , and now that I have you back in my life, I don’t feel that way anymore.”

“I feel the same way,” Lauren answers, resting her head on Camila’s shoulder and looping her arm through the younger girl’s. “But I feel the same way in many aspects.”

She wonders if Lauren is dropping a hint, but she easily brushes it off. “So, um… scary movie?”

Lauren hums, but doesn’t make a move to get up and grab the remote, just stays snuggled against Camila. “A little while back, you asked me if I was going back to Miami for Thanksgiving. I am, if you wanted a _yes_ answer.”

“Have you booked flights?” Camila asks, and when Lauren shakes her head, she smiles. “Perfect. Let’s get the same flight back and hang out for the whole break.”

“Okay, but there’s something else I need to tell you,” Lauren says, and pulls her phone from her pocket, opening up a confirmation email and holding it up to Camila. “I booked some Disney tickets. Not to like, stay there, because that would literally break my bank, but just to go up to Disney for the day and ride some rides. They’re valid for an entire week, but only for one day, so we can pick any day that week and just go up there. If you want.”

Camila takes the words in, and after a few moments, she sighs. “God dammit, Lauren. _I_ promised that I’d take _you_ to Disney when we were older with no boring parents, it can’t be the other way around.”

“In my defence, you _did_ promise that like _twelve_ years ago. Forgive me for thinking you’d forgotten,” Lauren replies, resting her head back on Camila’s shoulder, “is that a yes?”

“Oh, it’s a total yes,” Camila grins, “you’ve got to hold my hand on all the rides.”

“It’s pretty much a given that I’d be holding your hand no matter what,” Lauren retorts, and almost as if she’s emphasising that, she threads her fingers through Camila’s and squeezes her hand gently. “Perfect fit.”

She almost _whispers it_ , and Camila is pretty certain she wasn’t supposed to hear that, so she swiftly changes the subject. “Oh, by the way, I forgot a pyjama shirt.”

“Look at how the tables have turned,” Lauren teases her, even though Camila had intentionally forgotten her shirt because she wanted to steal one of Lauren’s. “I _guess_ I can let you borrow one of mine.”

“Um, _borrow_?” Camila questions her. “If I recall correctly, I _gave_ you limited edition, out of stock, super special merch. Free of charge.”

“Something tells me you just want to steal one of my shirts,” Lauren replies, and Camila blushes at being caught in the act. After a few moments of mock thought, Lauren smiles, nuzzling against her. “You can take your pick of any.”

Camila smiles, wrapping her arms around Lauren’s waist. “Thank you, babygirl.”

The pet name slips out without Camila thinking about it, and she can tell Lauren is shocked. That’s kind of something Camila likes to call the girl she’s with, but of course, she’s not _with_ Lauren at all, and before she can blurt out an apology, Lauren takes the term of endearment in her stride and mumbles, “You’re welcome,” before snuggling even closer to Camila.

Admittedly, Camila is surprised that Lauren even likes it. In fact, she thought that they wouldn’t work well together in that respect, since back when they _had_ been kissing, Lauren was always the one in control. But as Camila grew, and became more experienced, she’d realised that she liked to be in control too, and that had been one of her mental _reasons not to ask Lauren out_. And obviously, Lauren had liked the pet name, a pet name usually associated with the _other_ side of things. Was it possible _that_ had changed too?

She pushes the question from her mind. That doesn’t _matter_ , because Lauren is her best friend, _not_ her girlfriend, and that’s all she’ll ever be.

Breaking the comfortable silence they’re sitting in, all cuddled up and looking to any outsider like a couple, Camila knocks back the rest of her wine. “So, scary movie?”

“Yeah,” Lauren nods, and when she breaks away from Camila’s hold to grab the TV remote, the younger girl pouts, already missing her touch. She passes the remote to Camila, finishes her own glass of wine, walking back over to the kitchen to fill them both up and pulling another bottle of wine out of the cupboard. “I’ve got this, in case we just want to get drunk, but I’m not sure how you feel about that and I don’t want you to feel like you’re being pressured.”

“No, I’m down. I used to be of the opinion that I was never, _ever_ going to drink alcohol, but it’s nice every once in a while, to just have a good time, you know?” Camila shrugs, “Besides, I only get drunk around people I know I can trust to look after me, so…”

Lauren beams at the words, and Camila’s stomach flips. _She’s so beautiful_ , she thinks as Lauren pours the remaining wine from Camila’s bottle into both of their glasses, making sure they’ve both got an even split. She brings the glasses over, and offers Camila’s back to her.

The younger Latina smiles, takes a sip, and puts it down on the coffee table, before stretching her arms out to signal _come cuddle me again_. Lauren smiles, and snuggles up to Camila, carefully prying the remote from her hand and turning the TV on, switching it to Netflix, and passing it back. “You pick something.”

Camila, already feeling a little flushed from the wine but even _hotter_ because of Lauren’s proximity, just picks the first ‘scary’ thing she sees, not even knowing if it’s really _scary_.

As they get into the movie, Camila realises that it’s _supposed_ to be, but it’s not exactly doing well at achieving its goal. That, coupled with the wine she’s drinking, makes the movie downright laughable.

“You’re so giggly,” Lauren beams, eyes weirdly clouded and pupils dilated, “it’s cute.”

Camila laughs as another character she doesn’t care about gets stabbed, “She’s so stupid, why didn’t she just go out of the front door? She literally _ran_ past it to get to the stairs. She deserves to die.”

“Natural selection?” Lauren snorts, resting her head against Camila’s chest. “I think you’re drunk.”

Camila gulps the rest of her wine – they’d moved onto the second bottle a little while into the movie – and pushes Lauren’s hair away from the nape of her neck, looking down at the intricate dragonfly. “I really like this.”

Her fingers trace the black lines of the ink, and when a thought pops into her head, she bursts out laughing. “Oh my god!”

“What?” Lauren sits up, hair falling over the tattoo again, and Camila pouts when the view goes away, but she brightens when she meets Lauren’s pretty eyes. “What’s so funny? Tell me!”

“Just thought of something funny,” Camila manages to get out between laughs, “also, you’re like, the prettiest human I’ve ever seen.”

At the words, Lauren’s cheeks, already flushed from the wine, turn redder, “You think I’m pretty?”

Camila nods, and snorts with laughter again, blurting out, “I thought about Doodlebob.”

At the words, Lauren frowns, tilting her head to the side. “Doodle _what_?”

“Doodlebob! You know, that episode of _Spongebob_ , where he draws himself but then _the drawing comes to life_ and goes crazy and starts erasing things and tries to like, erase Spongebob from existence,” Camila recites, giggling as she remembers the episode, “It’s so funny, but I was thinking like, what if your tattoo just flew away? And then I remembered Doodlebob.”

Lauren snorts as Camila breaks out into another fit of laughter. The older girl smiles, finishing her glass, and stands up, staggering a little as she heads to fill them up again. As she pours the wine, she glances over at a giggling Camila and mumbles, “You’re so cute.”

Camila blushes as Lauren puts their two glasses on the coffee table, and she grabs the remote, almost dropping it, and switches the TV off. She looks over at Lauren expectantly, “Can we just… like, listen to music and talk?”

Lauren’s eyes widen. “Of course! This is a party, we _need_ music!”

She gets up again, staggering over to the speaker pushed up against a wall on the counter in the kitchen. She grabs it, and switches it on, connecting it easily to her phone and walking back over to Camila. She holds her phone out. “You pick.”

Camila gasps, taking Lauren’s phone like it’s a precious jewel. “So much responsibility.”

She scrolls through Lauren’s music library, playing _Shake it Off_ by Taylor Swift, and passing the phone back. Lauren laughs. “How’d I know you’d pick something like this?”

Camila pouts. “Is it a bad choice?”

“No, nothing you could do would _ever_ be bad,” Lauren announces, and she looks so serious that it makes Camila smile. “You’re _perfect_.”

Camila blinks as Lauren takes her hand, and she looks down like she can’t understand how their fingers are linked like that. Bringing Lauren’s hand up to her lips, she kisses it, and looks up at her with a bright smile. “ _You’re_ perfect.”

“No, _you_ ,” Lauren announces, and once the song changes to a slower one, she stands up, pulling Camila with her, “dance with me.”

Camila smiles, and puts her hands on Lauren’s waist, swaying to the music as Lauren’s arms lock at the nape of Camila’s neck. The older girl steps closer to her, and their bodies are pressed against one another, making Camila more nervous than she’s ever felt. With Ariana, there was the excitement of liking someone new, and the butterflies, but what _Lauren_ makes her feel… Camila doesn’t know if there’s a word for it.

She vaguely recognises the song as _fallingforyou_ by The 1975, and she almost laughs at the accuracy. Without thinking, like someone else is controlling her, she leans in, and her lips brush against Lauren’s, hands pulling her closer by the waist.

Her heart leaps when Lauren kisses her back, and she forgets that they shouldn’t do this, she forgets that they’re _drunk_ , and takes control, biting softly on Lauren’s bottom lip as she kisses her, her stomach pulling at the soft moan that reverberates at the back of Lauren’s throat. It’s absolutely magical, and Camila wonders why she ever thought this could be a bad idea.

Lauren pulls away, and studies her for a moment, eyes raking across Camila’s face, still held close by the waist. She sighs, but it’s a happy one, and her hand cups Camila’s jaw, thumb tracing her cheek. “You got really good at that.”

“Thanks,” Camila mumbles, and the part of her that realises she _shouldn’t_ have done that blurts out, “was that… a bad idea?”

Lauren shakes her head, and leans in again, pressing a chaste kiss to Camila’s lips. The way it’s so innocent, the way it’s so _gentle_ makes Camila think that maybe she wants something _real_. “Definitely not a bad idea. I really… I really like you.”

Camila blinks, tilting her head to the side, and she guides Lauren over to the couch by her waist, sitting her down. She plops down next to the older girl, unsurprised when she snuggles up to her. “You like me?”

“Mhm,” Lauren slurs, nuzzling her face into Camila’s shoulder, “Really, _really_. You make me feel fuzzy, you know? You _always_ have.”

Camila blinks, and in her intoxicated mind, she realises that she’s been pretty obvious too. “But… why didn’t you say?”

“Didn’t want to-” Lauren cuts herself off with a yawn, and sits up, blinking, and drinks more wine, “Didn’t want to scare you away. Things were bad back then, when we used to kiss, and I know… I know it’s like, _different_ now, but I didn’t want to make things bad again, and I’m bad at reading signals with girls.”

Camila’s expression softens, and she pulls Lauren closer. “You’re so sweet. That’s why I _really_ like you too.”

Lauren’s face breaks into a grin, and she looks so happy and light that Camila is glad she made the impulsive decision, not _really_ thinking about how a drunken kiss could complicate things.

Lauren sighs against her, arms wrapping around Camila’s waist as she snuggles her. “I’m so happy.”

Camila’s fingers find their way through Lauren’s hair as she leans forwards and grabs her glass, finishing it off. The room is starting to move by itself, so Camila decides to stop after this glass, but she glances over at the wine bottle on the kitchen counter and it’s completely empty.

“We’ve had a whole bottle of wine each,” Camila announces, playing with Lauren’s hair. “That’s bad.”

“It’s a _holiday_ , though,” Lauren points out, and Camila chuckles in agreement, “so it’s okay. Not like we do it every night.”

“I’m sleepy,” Camila turns and meets Lauren with squinted eyes, before she giggles and kisses her forehead. “Sorry, you’re just so pretty.”

“ _Camz_ ,” Lauren whines, drawing out the _a_ , “stop making me feel fuzzy.”

“You’re cute,” Camila mumbles, “can’t help it if you’re cute. I’ve got to _tell_ you, otherwise you wouldn’t know.”

Lauren groans, and pushes herself up from the couch, almost falling over straight away. She steadies herself, and rubs at her eyes, holding a hand out. “You want to go cuddle in my bed?”

Camila grins like it’s her favourite activity, and honestly, it kind of is. Lauren leads her over to her bedroom door, before she frowns, smacks her lips for a few moments, and looks a little disgusted. “My mouth tastes gross.”

“Mine too,” Camila agrees, and Lauren leads her into the bathroom, putting toothpaste on her toothbrush and getting a spare one out of a packet for Camila. Toothbrush in her mouth, Camila announces, “this is domestic. We should live together forever. Like, I’ll just stay here, the girls probably won’t even notice.”

Lauren laughs, and once they finish brushing their teeth, she tugs her into her room and pushes her down on the bed. There’s a split second of familiarity to Camila, and all of those bad memories flash before her eyes, but Lauren just flops down next to her and cuddles up.

Camila relaxes, smoothing out her robes with a pout. “Aren’t you going to let me get in my PJs?”

Lauren blinks, like she hadn’t realised pyjamas were a thing, and pushes herself up. “Oh, yes. Let’s get into pyjamas.”

She staggers as she grabs her pyjamas from where they’re left, hanging over the back of her desk chair. She slowly strips off her costume, and Camila sits, propped up on her elbows, watching her longingly, the tattoo down her spine blurry in her eyes, and she tries to distract herself by getting into her own PJs, but that’s when she remembers. “Oh! I didn’t bring a pyjama shirt, because I wanted to have one of yours.”

Lauren, now ready for bed, stumbles over to her dresser and pulls out a t-shirt, a black _The 1975_ shirt. She throws it at Camila, and the younger Latina is fully aware of Lauren’s gaze on her as she changes. “That’s my favourite shirt, but you can keep it, because you’re my favourite person.”

Camila’s stomach twists at the words, and she grabs Lauren’s wrist, pulling her back over to the bed and getting under the covers with her. Lauren grabs Nala from her pillows and pulls the lion close to her chest, looking up at Camila with big, tired green eyes. Camila can’t resist; she kisses her again, but it’s only brief, just a quick peck before she pulls away.

Lauren sighs happily, and snuggles up to her, resting her head on Camila’s chest and throwing a protective arm over her stomach. “Goodnight, mi amor.”

“Yeah,” Camila mumbles, kissing the top of her head before sleep takes her over, “goodnight, beautiful.”

 **VLOG 38 – HALLOWEEN FT DAENERYS TARGARYEN  
**_1,023,295 views_ ****  
Camila Vlogs ---------- SUBSCRIBE: 1.3M  
Published on Nov 7, 2016

“Honestly, guys, this is the best Halloween I’ve ever had,” Camila giggles into the camera as the movie plays on the TV, “this movie is so shitty by the way, like… it’s not even _scary_ , and one time I scared myself when I put a cup down too fast. Anyway, Lauren, do you have anything cool you want to say? I think I’m kind of boring.”

“Um,” Lauren sends the camera the most adorable frown, “you mean something spooky?”

“Yeah,” Camila announces, ducking out of the view of the camera to take a sip of her wine. “Like a scary story!”

“Um, one time, when I was at school, I woke up in the middle of the night and I was like, you know what, I’m going to be a rebel and go for a walk to make myself get tired again, and I woke Lucy up so she’d come with me because I’m still kind of scared of the dark,” Lauren recalls, “we were walking past the school kitchens when we saw like, a shadow, and it passed by the wall, and I was like _oh my god it’s a ghost_ , but then it turned out it was actually one of the staff doing patrols and we got detention for wandering around after lights out.”

Camila blinks at the camera like she’s on _The Office_ , “That story would’ve been better if it was actually a ghost and you got eaten.”

Lauren snorts. “Since when do ghosts eat people?”

“I don’t know, _Lauren_ ,” Camila rolls her eyes at her, “maybe it’s a cannibal ghost, I’m not a fucking ghost expert.”

_[Write a comment…]_

**Dinah Jane Hansen** lol y’all are DRUNK

 **CamilaSource** anyone else think this lauren girl is a bad influence????? Like she shows up and suddenly camila is posting drunk vlogs  
**Camriana Updates** Totally agree with this

__

_liked by_ **camila_cabello, normani** _and_ **10,023 others  
** **laurenjauregui:** Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First of her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons.  
 _5 hours ago_

 **camila_cabello:** moon of my life  
   **laurenjauregui:** My sun and stars.  
     **normani:** That’s a little gay  
      **camrenjaurello:** MY SHIP  
       **camila_cabello: @camrenjaurello** is this dinah’s secret stan account


	9. 8

Lauren is acting weird, and Camila doesn’t like it. In fact, it’s bringing a lot of bad memories to the surface, and she doesn’t know if it’s her fault or not. She can’t remember anything from Halloween, and Lauren had been acting weird since then, so _obviously_ she had to have done something, right?

When they’d woken up in the morning, Lauren had looked at her with so much adoration, until Camila had asked her what happened last night, and her face had fell. Lauren had assured her that nothing was wrong, and given her some painkillers for her headache, not seeming hungover at all. She’d looked after her until Camila felt okay to go home, and Camila has barely heard from her since.

She looks back at the last text she’d gotten, dated two days ago.

**_lern jergi (1:29PM): Sorry, Camz, I can’t do anything tonight. Prepping early for finals._ **

It’s a shitty excuse, and Camila _knows_ it. It’s the excuse she always used when she had something better to do, and Camila can’t believe that she’d actually thought Lauren had _changed_. Clearly she’d only been biding her time until something better came along.

It makes Camila angry, but then she remembers the perfect excuse to go over and get some answers; _Disney_. She’d been sober enough when Lauren asked her about it, and she knows that this week is the week their tickets are booked for. Lauren isn’t the kind of person who’s going to waste money left and right.

 _Unless she’s already used them and taken Lucy or one of her other roommates instead_ , Camila thinks, but she ignores that little voice of doubt and grabs her keys, practically _stomping_ the entire way to Lauren’s. She arrives at the building, and presses the bell to be let up. Normally when Lauren’s expecting her, the door just clicks open, but she hears the older girl’s raspy voice through the speaker. “Hello?”

“Lauren,” Camila announces, “it’s me. Can I come in?”

Lauren hesitates, and it makes Camila even angrier, but after a few seconds, the door clicks open. She thanks her, even if she’s not entirely sure she’s still listening, and makes her way up to the apartment, knocking curtly on the door.

It swings open, but Lauren doesn’t step aside to let her through. She’s dressed in a pair of comfortable _Adventure Time_ lounge pants and an old sweater advertising _Carrolton School_ , which Camila guesses is where she transferred to, vaguely recognising the name from her Instagram. Her hair is up in a messy bun, and contrary to all of the other times she’s come over, she doesn’t look happy to see Camila.

“Did you need something?” Lauren asks. “Like… did you forget something on Halloween?”

“No, I just wanted to see you,” Camila answers, waiting for the _come in_. When it doesn’t come, she frowns, making her tone a lot harsher. “Is that a problem?”

“Well, I mean…” Lauren cuts herself off with a sigh, “I’m just really busy with schoolwork. I’m kind of in the middle of an essay.”

Camila raises her eyebrows, and Lauren knows she doesn’t believe her. “Why book tickets to Disney if you knew you’d have deadlines? I haven’t seen you for almost _two weeks,_ and every time I try to meet up with you, you say no. So grow a pair and just _tell_ me that you don’t want to be friends, or hang out with me. Don’t make shitty fucking excuses.”

Lauren shoots a pained expression Lucy’s way, and the older girl quickly turns around, facing the TV like she _hadn’t_ been listening to their conversation. After a few moments of obvious debate, she sighs and steps aside to let Camila in. “Come on.”

Camila smiles satisfactorily, trailing behind Lauren to her room. When she sees the mess of papers laid out haphazardly on Lauren’s desk, and the laptop open on a Word document containing an obvious essay, she feels a little bad. Maybe Lauren _was_ being honest, and she’s just paranoid?

“Have you really been doing schoolwork these past few weeks?” Camila asks as Lauren takes a seat at her desk again. “Because if that’s the case, I’m sorry for being paranoid. Just… I guess it brought back some bad memories when you were being so distant.”

“I mean, I _have_ been doing work, but you’re not wrong about the distance thing,” Lauren murmurs, pausing to type out a sentence that she was clearly in the middle of, then saving the document and swivelling round in her chair to meet Camila’s gaze. “I’m sorry. I get kind of freaked out when there’s a bunch of deadlines because I always feel like I _have_ to do well or someone will take me out back and shoot me. I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself.”

“Oh,” Camila pauses, relieved that it’s nothing she’s done, “okay. Well, um, I’m no expert on studying, but I’m pretty sure you need regular breaks. So… can we go to Disney? It’s only eleven, so we’ll have a whole day to go on rides…”

Lauren looks at her computer almost _longingly_ , and after a few moments, she sighs and nods. “Alright. I _have_ been working kind of obsessively.”

Camila grins. “Good, it’s great to have breaks. My study technique in high school was that I’d write the title of the assignment then take a four day break.”

She crosses the room and wraps her arms around Lauren’s waist as she packs up her papers. Resting her chin on Lauren’s shoulder, she _swears_ she feels the other girl tense up a little, but she tries to chalk it up to paranoia. _It’s not you, Lauren is just stressed_.

Lauren relaxes in her hold after a few moments, ordering her papers correctly. Camila sees a lot of complicated legal documents and almost falls asleep just at the sight. “Are you still a total wimp when it comes to rides?”

“Yeah,” Camila chuckles, “I mean, I’m not a _wimp_ , it’s not like I refuse to go on the rides or anything. I just need… a hand to hold.”

Lauren turns and fixes her with a smile, and Camila lets go of her. “I’m pretty sure I can offer you that.”

“Thought so,” Camila smiles, and grabs Lauren’s hand, pulling her up. “Come on, let’s go!”

Lauren looks down at herself and laughs. “Like this?”

Camila glances down at the _Adventure Time_ lounge pants and snorts, but plays with the hem of Lauren’s sweater. She so desperately wants to pull it up over her head, to kiss her tummy, to push her back on the bed and---

“Camz?” Lauren asks, snapping her out of those _unsavoury_ thoughts. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Camila blinks a little, shaking her head to clear any residual _desires._ “Yeah, I’m good. I was just going to say, um… I like your sweater.”

Lauren smooths it out, looking a little confused, because there isn’t anything particularly special about it. It’s just a worn blue sweater she’d wear in gym class and at softball practice in the winters. “Thanks, I guess. I’ll be five minutes, I’ll just change.”

Taking that as her cue to leave the room, Camila steps away from her and walks out of the door, shutting it behind her quietly. Lucy, who is sitting on the couch, looks up expectantly like there’s some fresh new gossip to be told.

Instead of spilling to her how she’d embarrassed herself, Camila just smiles awkwardly. “So… how are things with you?”

“Fine,” Lucy eyes her suspiciously, and for a second, Camila wonders if she _knows_. “How are things with _Lauren_?”

Knowing what she’s fishing for, Camila just shrugs. “I’m not Lauren, I’m Camila.”

Before she can get questioned, Lauren walks out of her room, running a hand through her hair. “Hi. Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Camila smiles, and takes Lauren’s free hand, turning back to Lucy as they walk out of the door. “Nice seeing you again!”

Lauren shuts the apartment door behind them, and tucks her keys into her pocket. She flashes Camila a small smile, and the younger Latina wonders why she was ever _worried_. It isn’t like last time; Lauren isn’t just going to ditch her again. They’re _better_ now. _Lauren_ is better now.

“I hope you’re not working yourself too hard,” Camila says as they walk down the stairs. She doesn’t meet Lauren’s gaze, because she’s too busy ordering an Uber to Disney. “When I was in like seventh grade, I worked my ass off because I wanted to skip a grade – obviously you know how that worked out since I _didn’t_ – but I ended up almost burning myself out.”

Lauren frowns at her. “You never told me that.”

Camila blushes when she realises she’d exposed herself. “Well, yeah. I think it was because I was embarrassed that I didn’t manage to skip the grade after all. And, you know, the reason I was doing it in the first place.”

Lauren looks a little confused, but then it seems to dawn on her, and she chuckles, sitting down on one of the seats in the lobby area of her building. “Oh. Camz. That’s so cute. You wanted to be in the same grade as me?”

Not knowing why she continues, Camila nods. “Yeah. I even went to the principal when you went to middle school and I was still in elementary school and asked him if I could be moved up. He said no. _Jerk_.”

“ _Camila,”_ Lauren looks at her, eyes so bright and adoring, “you always could’ve asked me to flunk out. Back in seventh grade I probably _would’ve_ if you’d explained it meant we got to be together for ages. That first day was like _hell._ ”

“But you made friends. You were fine without me,” Camila shrugs like it’s nothing, “I’m the weird clingy one. As proven by my… overreaction.”

“You had a right to be a little worried. I don’t blame you for that.” Lauren squeezes her hand. “Besides, I wasn’t fine without my _Camzi_. Nobody else ever compared to you. Why do you think I showed up at your house every night during my first week, _and_ I begged your mom to buy you a phone for your twelfth birthday?”

Camila snorts. “Yeah, maybe _you’re_ the clinger after all.”

“Shush, I am _not_.” Lauren pouts at her. “I don’t know _what_ you’re talking about, I could go without talking to you for at _least_ five minutes.”

Camila smiles, and tugs Lauren over to the door as their Uber pulls up. “I hope the driver doesn’t make awkward conversation.”

“Yeah, no social interaction is your favourite thing in the world,” Lauren teases her, opening up the door to the backseat and gesturing inside. “Beautiful girls go first.”

“Does that mean I should shove you in there?” Camila teases her, but clambers in the car and slides over to the seat behind the driver.

Lauren climbs in after her and shuts the door, taking Camila’s hand as their driver pulls away from the curb. “I appreciate you coming over to check on me.”

Camila smiles. “Don’t worry about it. It was partly my anxiety, I was just worried that I fucked up and did something stupid while I was drunk that made you hate me.”

“I mean, I’m not going to say you _didn’t_ do stupid things, but so did I. We were both drunk,” Lauren points out, before she laughs to herself and murmurs, “ _Doodlebob._ ”

Camila frowns in confusion, and when Lauren laughs at her _more_ , she pouts. “Hey, it’s not my fault I’m a lightweight. I’ve never not remembered before, it’s really annoying me, tell me what I did.”

Lauren looks like she’s debating telling her something, but eventually just shrugs. “Don’t worry, you weren’t that bad. You just started making Spongebob jokes, which were ridiculously adorable, and then we… danced. For a little while.”

Camila chuckles at the mental image of the two of them drunkenly dancing. “I bet that was a mess. I can barely dance sober.”

“No, you were… you were amazing,” Lauren assures her, and the smile she’s wearing is so tender and soft that it makes Camila’s heart melt. “At least, you know, through my wine goggles.”

Camila is too busy thinking about the compliment to notice that Lauren runs a hand through her hair, one of her nervous ticks, and looks a little guilty, like there’s something she’s not telling her.

She almost brushes it off, but when Lauren drops her hand to her lap, that’s when she sees it. A faded mark on her inner elbow, right on her vein, that Camila can’t remember seeing before. Her stomach drops to her feet, and she turns to look out of the window, not sure _what_ to think, but completely terrified that all of her doubts were right.

-

Something is off, and Lauren knows it. She notices it for the first time when they get out of the cab at Disney, and she tries to take Camila’s hand, to lead her over to the ticket booth to redeem her booking. Awkwardly, Camila dodges her, and Lauren is a little confused, because _she_ was the one who showed up at Lauren’s apartment asking to hang out. Camila was _fine_ before they’d gotten in the cab.

Her smile comes back once they get on a few rides, but Lauren can still sense that something is wrong. She doesn’t question it, but tells herself that if Camila is still acting like this at the end of the day, they’ll talk about it. It could be something serious.

Lauren is thankful that Camila demands a bathroom break, because it gives her a few moments alone to think. It’s hard, acting like nothing is wrong herself, when really there’s this big weight crushing her chest, making it hard to breathe.

There’s nothing really _wrong_ , per se. In fact, the problem is relatively minor, and Lauren could probably forget about it if she really works hard enough, but every time she looks at Camila, it’s a constant reminder. A reminder that Camila had kissed her and she doesn’t remember it.

It’s making it a thousand times harder to suppress any thoughts she may be having. Before, she could assure herself that it wasn’t _mutual_ , so there was never any chance that something could happen. But _Camila_ had kissed _her_ , not the other way around. She’d made that first move, which means there has to be some kind of attraction there.

It’s just that Lauren isn’t sure how deep that attraction goes. Camila had said she _really liked her_ , but what if she didn’t _mean_ it? After all, she’d been drunk out of her mind, so she could’ve just been saying whatever came to her mind, mimicking Lauren’s confession, or saying what she felt in that drunken moment. Besides, isn’t it the _biggest_ cliché for a drunken kiss to complicate things between friends? Lauren’s already decided she’s not going to tell Camila, because she’s not going to risk a stupid kiss imploding everything. She _likes_ that Camila is affectionate, she _likes_ holding her hand in public, she even likes that they probably get mistaken for a couple, mostly because she _wants_ to be a couple.

The notion provokes another thought, shooting down any reason she had to _not_ tell Camila, both about the kiss and how she feels. She’s been avoiding it because she doesn’t want to bring up old wounds, to change the nature of their relationship in case it becomes toxic like last time, but she reminds herself that everything is different now. _Back then, you didn’t even want to acknowledge the fact that you’re bisexual,_ logical inner-Lauren points out, _now it’s a different story. You know what you want, you’re in a good place, you’re not confused, and you wouldn’t do a single thing to hurt her._

Lauren pushes that thought away. Maybe Camila didn’t remember because a part of her didn’t _want_ to, because she didn’t _really_ reciprocate Lauren’s feelings.

 _Well, whatever it is, don’t let it fuck up your friendship. Just forget the kiss_ , Lauren tells herself, _she already noticed you avoiding her and you saw how sad she was. Don’t do anything stupid._

When Camila comes out of the bathroom and takes her hand, Camila’s still a little soapy, the first thing she imagines is the younger girl’s lips against hers. She doesn’t even register Camila’s fingers tracing over her arm until the girl talks, snapping her out of her daze.

“…we’ve never talked about it,” Lauren catches as she tunes back into reality, trying to ignore the intrusive _kiss her_ thoughts, “and I just think maybe it’s important? I know it’s in your past but…”

“Wait, what’re we talking about?” Lauren asks as Camila leads her over to a nearby bench by her wrist. “Sorry, I kind of zoned out.”

“Oh,” Camila drops her hand as they sit down, and seems to rethink explaining, “never mind.”

“No, no, you know you can ask me anything,” Lauren tells her, and she has a feeling she knows what kind of question it’s going to be. While it’s not something she particularly wants to think about, she’d relive it for Camila. “Go ahead, okay?”

“Well… you never really told me the _extent_ of what you… what you did,” Camila murmurs, and because Lauren is wearing short sleeves, she points at the needle mark that never quite faded. “I saw that in the cab and I- you’re not… still…?”

“No,” Lauren cuts her off, “ _god_ , no.”

“But,” Camila points at the mark on her arm, and Lauren just sighs, shaking her head, “so it’s… a scar?”

“Yeah,” Lauren mumbles, squeezing her eyes shut and trying to push down how sick and anxious she feels when she talks about this. “I’ve not allowed myself to be in a situation where something like that could be on offer. It’s why I don’t go to house parties, just clubs that do checks.”

“What… um, what happened? You know, back then,” Camila awkwardly replies, “I know it was bad, but there were so many rumours and I never knew what to believe, and you never told me anything when I asked then, just told me to shut up. It’s partly why I was so worried, you know, when you disappeared, in case you’d _died_ and the last thing I ever said to you was that I never wanted to see you again.”

Camila seems to get upset at the thought, and Lauren easily wraps her arms around the younger girl, pulling her close. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m all okay.”

Camila holds onto her like she’s about to disappear. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“I mean, it’s probably not the most appropriate _place_ to ask, on a bench in Disneyland, but…” the joke falls a little flat, Camila letting out a half-hearted chuckle, so Lauren just sighs, “it started off as just weed, which is like, totally fine. But as we went to more and more parties, there’d be more stuff to try, and at first I’d say no but it didn’t take much convincing from Brad to make me cave, especially if I was already drunk and depressed. I tried heroin, and cocaine whenever I could inject it. I’d do those whenever they were offered, heroin more often than coke, but the thing I was really into was ecstasy. Probably because I was so depressed. Whenever I ran out of that, I’d go to heroin.”

She feels just how tense Camila is, and Lauren gives her a comforting squeeze before she continues. “It started turning into… well, like, a dependency, but I didn’t realise until I started school and I was basically cold turkey. It wasn’t bad enough that I had _serious_ withdrawals, but there were _some_. And the dealing stuff is true, too. Fighting with you made my parents seriously concerned, and then a week later they found my stash and caught me dealing and that was the last straw.”

“Thank you for… trusting me with all of that,” Camila mumbles, and Lauren just hums, squeezing her hand in reassurance, “I’m sorry that I never did anything more at the time-”

“It’s not your fault, and you know I would’ve just pushed you away.” Lauren interrupts before she can get an apology out, and stands up, pulling Camila with her. “Come on. That’s all in the past, and in the _present_ , we’re at Disney. Hence, we should go on some rides. Space Mountain?”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip, but shakes her head. Lauren sends her a questioning smile, wondering why she doesn’t want to get in a line for something. When she still looks a little sad, she opens her mouth to reassure her, but Camila speaks before she can. “I’m sorry I asked, really.”

Lauren squeezes her hand, and collapses back onto the bench next to her. “I’m not bothered, honestly. It’s okay to ask questions.”

“It’s just- um… I was worried, because I saw it earlier,” Camila mumbles, and she points at the needle mark in Lauren’s arm. “And I thought- um… maybe you had like… a relapse, or something.”

Lauren sighs, shaking her head, and rubbing at her arm as if she can erase it. She would if she could, hating the fact that she has to carry around a reminder of her stupid decisions, probably for the rest of her life. “No, it just never really faded. I probably knocked the needle or something, or did it too many times in the same place… I don’t know. I haven’t touched anything like that since the summer before junior year.”

Camila plays with her fingers and sends her a small smile. “I’m just glad that… that you stopped before it got really out of control, even if it… if it _was_ kind of an addiction.”

“Me too, but it wasn’t an addiction. It was more of a dependency.” Lauren explains, thumb tracing gentle patterns over the back of Camila’s hand. “Like, when my parents sent me to school, I had no way of getting anything, so I had some withdrawals, but it wasn’t like I was going crazy. I was dependent, but an addict… they’d do anything they could to get their next fix, even if it meant killing someone to get it. Both are bad, obviously, and I’m lucky I didn’t get to that point, but it was more… I was using it to cope because I hated myself so much. Towards the end, though, it was definitely getting there, more with the heroin than anything.”

Camila stays quiet, but bites down on her bottom lip. “I just feel bad that I never did anything to help you. I know you pushed me away, and if I ever tried to bring it up you’d just shut it down, but I feel bad that I didn’t _push_. Especially when we were still kind of friends, but things were falling apart. When it was all starting.”

“It wasn’t your fault, it was mine,” Lauren says, squeezing Camila’s hand. “I don’t blame you for anything that happened. It was me. I took it because I genuinely hated myself and it stopped me from feeling that way. I _hated_ the thought of being bisexual, I didn’t want to be, and I felt like if I just ignored it and pushed all of my feelings down, it’d go away, but it just made me hate myself and made me depressed, so I took that stuff so I didn’t _have_ to think about it.”

Camila takes the words in, and Lauren knows she’d had a very different reaction to her own feelings towards women. Camila had never seemed to freak out about it; it’s like she just knew she _was,_ that she couldn’t change it, and that was that. When Lauren had realised how much she truly felt for Camila, she’d freaked out and pushed her away, and almost lost her for good.

Lauren watches her, waiting for her reaction, for her to accept the explanation and that Lauren’s dependency had _nothing_ to do with her, but Camila just sighs. “ _Nobody_ helped you, though.”

“My parents did, even if I saw it as a punishment. School did. Lucy did.” Lauren assures her. While things had gone unnoticed for a while, it’s not like anybody _truly_ let her spiral, and when she’d finished her first semester at school and felt tempted to find something, her parents had made sure she didn’t by keeping her under strict rules. “It’s okay. I had people.”

“But you _should’ve_ had _me_ ,” Camila blurts out, looking up at her with teary eyes, “You were there to protect me, but I was never there to protect you.”

“Because you needed to protect _yourself_ ,” Lauren pulls her in for a hug, rubbing comforting circles into her back. “I don’t blame you for that. I was toxic and I hurt you and you had a total right to cut me off.”

“Why did you keep that picture up?” Camila asks, and it takes a few seconds for Lauren to understand which picture she means. “You deleted everything from your Instagram except a picture of us. Why?”

“Because I cared about you. I didn’t have the guts to tell you that in case you just told me to leave you alone again, so I deleted everything except that. In a way, it kind of signified how I was cutting everything out, like with Brad and everyone,” Lauren shrugs, “you were the one thing I didn’t _want_ to cut out, even though you’d done that to me.”

Camila looks even more upset, and Lauren sends her a pained expression, practically begging her not to feel guilty about anything. “Why would you do that? I hurt you almost as much as you hurt me.”

“I don’t think that’s comparable,” Lauren answers, “yeah, it hurt me that you were gone, but once I decided to look at school as _help_ rather than a punishment, it made it a lot easier when I could… I don’t know, feel like I was making you proud, even if you didn’t know it.”

**2012**

_“Why do you have to be such a reckless child? This work needed to be precise.”_

_“I’m not a child.” Lauren glares up at her teacher, and the look she’s sending her makes her push the stupid science work off the table completely. She watches in satisfaction as it clatters to the floor, the glass test tubes shattering into pieces._

_“And you say you’re not a child,” her teacher answers, grabbing the cane from the front of the room and looking at Lauren expectantly. “Hand. Now.”_

_“No,” Lauren folds her arms across her chest, and she can feel practically every eye in the classroom on her. “That’s inhumane.”_

_“You just earned yourself another five lashes,” The teacher sneers, still looking expectant. “Hand or it’ll be ten more.”_

_Knowing when to stop, Lauren holds out her hand, trying to ignore the way it’s shaking; she always seems to be shaking nowadays when she’s sober. Wincing as the teacher canes her hand, Lauren thinks about her situation, wondering when her parents are going to stop with this stupid joke and take her_ home _. She’s fine, she doesn’t need to be locked up in some reform school, and she knows how to prove it to them. All she has to do is get out of here, back to her old school, and scare some stupid kid into doing her work for her. Her grades will go up again, and her parents will pat themselves on the back while Lauren gets the fix she_ needs _._

_She pulls her hand from the teacher’s grip when she’s finished caning her, looking up at the woman in disgust. The teacher looks at her similarly, and adds, “Don’t think you’re getting out of a detention. You’ll clean this whole classroom this evening, and it better be spotless or you’ll be cleaning the classroom next door, too.”_

_Lauren scowls up at the woman, wondering how she can get out of this. She could feign illness, and it wouldn’t really be faking, because she feels like shit. She’s so cold, and her body is sluggish and her reaction times are off. The shakes are the worst part; her handwriting is barely legible. That’s just the physical stuff; don’t even get her started on her emotions. She’s been cold turkey for three days, and she knows what she needs to fix the way she feels, and to get that, she has to get out of here._

You could always play along with them _, she thinks_ , make them think they’re turning you into some prissy goody two shoes so when you see your parents next, they’ll be fooled into thinking you’re _changed_. They can’t really be _serious_ about making you spend your last two years of high school in this hell hole. It’s just a scare tactic.

_She tries to lessen her scowl, but the detention pisses her off, and she’s finding it hard to control her temper when she hasn’t had a decent high in days, and her body knows it. She waits patiently for class to be dismissed, and stalks to her room, hoping that her stupid roommate isn’t in there._

_It’s empty when she walks in, and it’s the first time she’s actually felt_ good _since being stuck here. It’s the first time she’s felt good in a while; she knows she’s been a little sad for the last year or so, but it’s not like it’s a big deal. It’s not like she needs help, and there are ways to deal with sadness, and she knows what she needs. Her parents might not think that the drugs are a healthy coping mechanism, but doesn’t the_ doctor _give people drugs for depression? Lauren can get far more effective ones without anyone’s approval, and that’s what she needs._

 _It’s since she argued with Camila that she’s felt worse, and admittedly, she’d started going a little overboard. She ran out of ecstasy a few weeks back, and had been stuck on heroin, which doesn’t help her as much, but it’s_ something _. Before her fight with Camila, she was careful with it, not using more than two or three times a week, because she knows what heroin can do. But after losing the one person that’s ever made her feel_ worth _anything, she’d stopped caring completely._

Don’t think about that, _Lauren tells herself, trying to ignore the desperate craving, because she knows it won’t be satisfied. She kicks the door shut behind her, and grabs Nala from under her pillow. The stuffed lion makes her think of a time when things were easier, when there wasn’t so much pressure on her, when she’d felt_ free _, and most importantly,_ normal _. She hadn’t understood that the things she felt for Camila weren’t platonic, and when she did, she knew she had to run. She could bury that attraction, any attraction to women, because she’s not a fucking freak._

_She collapses on the lumpy bed and closes her eyes, but nothing is familiar except the fur of her stuffed animal. She snuggles Nala to her chest, and wonders what Camila is doing, if she’s thinking about her, but she knows in her heart that she’s not. Camila is done with her, and it’s all Lauren’s fault. She doubts she’ll ever see her again._

_“I miss you, Camz,” Lauren mumbles into Nala’s fur, and she doesn’t realise she’s crying until the tears are flowing down her cheeks. She’s never felt so lonely in her life._

_She doesn’t even care when her dumb roommate walks in, because the other girl hadn’t acknowledged her whatsoever since Lauren had arrived. She’s a little surprised when the girl walks over to the bed and puts a comforting hand on Lauren’s shoulder. “Hey, are you okay?”_

_Lauren swallows her tears and wipes her eyes against Nala, before tucking the lion safely out of sight under her bedsheets. She sits up and shoots the other girl a glare that normally makes people back off. “None of your business.”_

_The girl raises an eyebrow in amusement. “You do realise I just saw you cuddling a stuffed animal, right? Like, I can’t find you intimidating after that.”_

_Lauren blushes, but rolls her eyes, trying to act like she doesn’t care. “It’s still none of your business.”_

_The girl studies her for a moment, and easily concludes, “you’re homesick. It happens, especially in the first few days. What’re you here for, anyway?”_

_Lauren, who is naturally guarded, watches the girl with an air of suspicion. She thinks about her words,_ you’re homesick. _She is, but not in the way this girl might think; in fact, Lauren has been homesick for a long time._

_“I don’t think that’s appropriate to ask someone you don’t know,” Lauren snaps in answer to the girl’s question. “Just leave me alone.”_

_“Just being friendly,” the girl holds her hands up in surrender, “I’m Lucy, by the way. Got caught smoking weed and kissing a girl and strict parents decided I needed to be around_ God _. Now, what about you?”_

 _Lauren frowns at the words, but she especially recoils at_ kissing a girl _. Not that she’s any stranger to kissing girls, but she’s a stranger to admitting it. It’s something she’s trying to fix, to get rid of._

_After assessing Lucy, Lauren mumbles, “Got caught dealing because my stupid boyfriend didn’t watch my back.”_

_Lucy’s gaze flicks down to her arm, at the angry red marks where she puts the needle, and Lauren quickly covers it under the guise of getting under her sheets because she’s cold, which isn’t entirely a lie. “Just dealing? Or… indulging?”_

_Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, squeezing her eyes shut at the craving at the pit of her stomach. “That too.”_

_“Heroin?” Lucy asks, and Lauren wonders how she guessed. “Judging by the needle marks on your arm, I’d say yes. Anything else?”_

_“Ecstasy, mostly,” Lauren mumbles, and she doesn’t know_ why _she’s telling this girl so much, and figures it’s probably because she’s so lonely. “I haven’t been, um… properly sober for about a year, except like a week when I was with my parents and best-_ ex _-best friend’s family on vacation, before it all got out of control. I would- um, take a pill when I woke up because I’m just not…_ good _. That doesn’t make sense, sorry.”_

 _Lucy looks genuinely sympathetic, and when she takes Lauren’s hand, the younger girl jumps at the contact, unsure, wanting to pull away because_ Lucy likes girls _, and Lauren doesn’t want to be near anyone like that, because maybe her own feelings will go away. “I know you’re probably scared and confused at being left here, but you’re not going to get out unless you stop resisting. Keep your head down, even if you’re annoyed, and trust me, you’re going to get annoyed.”_

_“How long have you been here?” Lauren asks quietly, not sure why the words tumble out. She guesses it’s because she’s worried her parents might leave her here for an extended period of time. “Is it long?”_

_“Since the start of last year. I’m going to be here until I graduate, but it’s not the case for most girls who come here,” Lucy says, and Lauren hopes to_ god _she fits into that category, because she_ hates _it here. “You’re my third roommate, actually. The one I had when I first got here, her parents only brought her here for a semester, she straightened herself out and she was transferred back to her old public school. Same happened with the one from second semester last year.”_

_“I hope I can go back to my old school after Christmas,” Lauren mumbles, and she feels the tears stinging her eyes again. “I hate it here.”_

_“If that’s what you want, then you’d better take my advice. Keep your head down. No acting up like in science class, because you’d best believe that’ll get back to your parents.” Lucy tells her, and Lauren groans, wanting to smack herself. Of course the stupid teachers would rat on her to her parents, why hadn’t she thought about that? “Make sure you call them regularly, too. That way, they can hear the good stuff from you, and you can embellish it a little. Just… stick with me if you want to be out of here by Christmas, okay?”_

_For a moment, Lauren is a little stunned by the words. “Like… friends?”_

_She knows it’s so stupid to ask that, and if she wasn’t so worn and tired, she wouldn’t have, but Lucy just nods. “Sure. Besides, I know you’re not all hard drugs and rock and roll, and you don’t have to keep hiding that stuffed animal. Want to tell me about it?”_

_Lauren slowly pulls Nala from under her sheets, and after a few moments of hesitation, she pulls the lion to her chest, instantly feeling better. “What makes you think there’s something to tell?”_

_“Obviously, it means a lot to you,” Lucy says, and Lauren has to hold back the_ she _correction that she always makes. “Which means there’s likely a reason.”_

 _Lauren sighs, and even though her heart hurts when she thinks about Camila and how shitty everything has been, and how it’s all her fault that it turned shitty in the first place, she tells Lucy. She doesn’t know what it is about this girl that makes Lauren open up. “My best friend-_ ex _best friend gave her to me. When I was eight, my abuela passed away, and I was really close with her. Camila was at Disneyworld at the time, and when she came back, she’d bought Nala for me, even though she’d been saving up her allowance to buy herself a Stitch toy. She said it was to make me smile, and I’ve not been able to sleep without her since.”_

_“That’s adorable,” Lucy comments, and Lauren braces herself for any negative comments; she knows that if people found out, they’d make fun of her. “Camila must mean a lot to you, then.”_

_“I-” The tears well up in Lauren’s eyes again, and she scratches at her needle marks instinctively as if that will numb the pain. “She does,_ god _, she means the fucking world to me, I love her more than I knew I was capable of loving someone and I fucking ruined it all, and she hates me. She told me she never wants to see me again and I- it hurts so much but it’s all my fault and-”_

 _“Hey, hey,” Lucy pulls her in for a hug, and Lauren melts into it, because it’s the first real hug she’s gotten in maybe_ years _, and she didn’t know how much she needed the comfort of someone just holding her. Brad never held her, and barely kissed her, all they ever seemed to do was have boring, meaningless sex. “I didn’t realise it’d be such a sensitive topic, but I have to ask… do you have feelings for her?”_

 _There’s an instant knot in Lauren’s throat, and she feels like she wants to vomit. But Lucy, she likes girls, and she doesn’t seem to hate herself for it, and while Lauren can’t comprehend_ how _, she blurts out, “Yes, I do, and I ruined it all because I can’t- I can’t deal with that, I can’t handle it, I’m not- I don’t want to be that way and I don’t understand it because I know I like boys too and- and it’s not like I have a problem with people that are- um, that way, I just can’t… I can’t handle that being me and- and I found out she liked me and I kept kissing her because kissing her was the best thing I’ve ever felt but I can’t- I couldn’t talk to her or be around her because I was so scared people would somehow figure out I was in love with her and now she hates me and I don’t even know why I’m fucking telling you this-”_

_“It’s okay, people seem to find me easy to talk to for some reason,” Lucy shrugs, and Lauren just cries into the other girl’s shoulder as she rubs comforting circles into her back. “Your friend- I doubt she hates you. I can see why you might’ve had a fight, because it’s not… it’s not cool to do that kind of thing to someone, to play with their feelings-”_

_“I wasn’t, I wasn’t, I love her!” Lauren sobs, choking on her words as she presses Nala hard to her chest. She can’t remember the last time she’s cried like this. “I want to be with her, more than anything, and it wasn’t a fight, she said she never wanted to see me again and- and I don’t even- she was the only real friend I’ve ever had and I fucking destroyed it like I destroy everything in my life and I don’t deserve this even if it_ is _help, I just want to fucking_ die _-”_

_She feels the tension in Lucy’s body at the words, but it doesn’t register in Lauren’s brain, and Lucy doesn’t talk about the words that had spilled out of Lauren’s mouth, the way she’s felt for so long. “How long were you and this girl friends?”_

_“Since-” Lauren chokes on another sob, “since I was seven. It- oh, god, it would’ve been nine fucking years next month and it’s all my fault that it’s not-”_

_“Easy, come on, calm down,” Lucy pulls out of the hug and brushes Lauren’s hair back from her face, wiping the tears from her cheeks with her thumb, “she probably feels exactly the same way about you. I bet you that she loves you so much, but she probably saw what you were doing and she didn’t want to be involved with that. Did she ever try to talk to you about the stuff that was happening?”_

_Ashamed, Lauren hangs her head. Yes, Camila had tried to talk to her about the kissing, about the drugs, but Lauren had always pushed her away, and she was always high when Camila asked. “Yeah. She- um, she was worried, but then- then she said she was done with me. That I wasn’t- that I wasn’t the same person anymore, and I know I’m not, nobody is, I’m not going to be exactly the same as I was when I was seven-”_

_“That’s your hope, right there.” Lucy interrupts her, and almost as if the older girl had commanded it, Lauren’s mouth snaps shut. “She probably didn’t mean she wants you to act like you’re seven. She probably just misses you_ talking _to her and being there in a way that wasn’t just making out and then leaving. She misses you being her best friend.”_

_Lauren blinks as the words sink in. “Do you think there’s a chance that I could fix things?”_

_Lucy shrugs. “I don’t know anything for definite, since I’ve never met this girl, but it sounds like that’s the case. Be the person you supposedly were. Be her best friend.”_

_Lauren wonders for a moment if this could actually_ help _her. If this place could truly get her away from the drugs, make her feel better in herself. Maybe if she’s out of here by Christmas, she could get Camila back._

_“I’m going to do it,” Lauren mumbles, “I’m going to do it for her.”_

“I was your motivation?” Camila frowns, like she doesn’t believe Lauren at all, “but then… you never got in contact with me. Not after you graduated, not when you were home for breaks… and, I mean, you clearly weren’t there for just a semester, since you stayed until you graduated.”

“My parents intended for me to go for my whole junior year, and if there was a significant change, then I’d go back to our old school for senior year. There _was_ a change, but I was worried there was a risk of me falling back into everything. My parents weren’t worried, but I didn’t particularly want to go back, just in case, _and_ I wanted to graduate with Lucy, so I asked if I could go back to Carrolton for my senior year, and they were surprised, but they said yes.” Lauren shrugs, kind of avoiding the first question, but Camila looks like she’s going to ask it again. “And I never called you because I chickened out. I thought about looking you up, to see how you were doing, but I figured that you’d have forgotten about me by that point, and I thought I’d just… let you get on with your life. It was mostly just me chickening out, though. I didn’t think I could handle it if you rejected me.”

“I could never forget about you,” Camila mumbles, resting her head on Lauren’s shoulder, “I can’t believe you asked to go back, though. Sometimes from the way you talk about it, it seems pretty miserable.”

Lauren just smiles. “Like I said, I wanted to graduate with Lucy, and I know that when I first got there I wanted nothing more than to leave, but I actually felt sad about graduating. By the end of my junior year, that place was kind of like a second home.”

Camila finally lets out a laugh. “So it _was_ like Hogwarts, you liar!”

“It was _not_ like Hogwarts, we didn’t get badass robes to wear,” Lauren laughs, squeezing Camila’s hand. “Besides, if you were one of the teacher’s pets, you got special privileges, and by my senior year I was kind of like, everyone’s favourite student because my grades were so high. Fun fact; in my freshman year of college I got a call from the headmistress asking me to go back and do a talk in an assembly to the new kids about what they can _achieve_. It was embarrassing but I did it and I got an Amazon gift card out of it.”

“Wow, what a nerd,” Camila teases her, and Lauren is relieved that there’s finally a smile on her face, “even _I’m_ not that much of a suck up.”

“Excuse you, I didn’t suck up to the teachers, they sucked up to _me_ , because I’m smarter than everyone else,” Lauren sticks her tongue out at her, and pushes herself off the bench, holding out her hand to help the younger Latina up. “Come on, we’re wasting the day away being emo on this bench. Space Mountain awaits!”

Camila smiles, and lets Lauren help her up. As they walk over to the line for Space Mountain, Lauren scowling at the long wait time, Camila sends her a knowing kind of grin. “Lucy was right, you know.”

Lauren just laughs. “Yeah, I know, but don’t tell her that, I don’t want her thinking she’s smarter than me.”

_liked by_ **lucyvives, laurenjauregui** _and_ **73,348 others**

**camila_cabello:** lern jergi and i went to disneyland today and i almost pooped my pants on space mountain here’s a photo we took in the line before i was traumatised by rollercoasters  
_3 hours ago_

 **allybrooke:** I hope you didn’t eat anything before you went on the rides because I’m not letting you in the house if it’ll be a repeat of last time.  
   **camila_cabello:** wow harsh allyson… yolanda would never do such a thing to me she’s a much better friend im gonna let her out of the basement when i get back

 **laurenjauregui:** Don’t worry, you know I’ll always protect you. Just like when we were little.   
   **camila_cabello:** aw lolo my heart it’s warm  
     **dinahjane97:** *coughs* camren


	10. 9

**PRANKING MY BEST FRIENDS**  
_2,394,438 views_  
Camila Cabello ---------- SUBSCRIBE: 3.6M  
Published Nov 18, 2016

“Finally, I’m going to call Lauren,” Camila announces, scrolling down to her contact in her phone, “since she’s not a YouTuber, hopefully she’ll think it’s not weird that I’m calling. Literally any time a YouTuber gets a phone call from another YouTuber, it’s literally almost always a prank call.”

She tries to figure out her story, and grins at the camera. “I’m going to tell her that… that my channel got hacked and all of my videos have been deleted.”

She tries to get herself in a sad mindset as she rings, and Lauren picks up immediately. “Hi, Camz. What’s up?”

“Lauren,” Camila makes herself sound pained, and holds in the laugh she almost lets out when she glances at the camera. “My- my channel got hacked and- and all of my videos are gone, that’s- that’s so many _years_ of work and I-”

“Whoa, what? What the fuck?” Lauren answers, and Camila hadn’t expected her to be _angry_. “Surely there’s some way for YouTube to recover it? I’m emailing them, hold on, let me put you on speaker.”

Camila almost laughs again, but makes a quick sniffling sound like she’s about to burst into tears. “I already tried, there’s no use and I’m locked out of my account-”

She hears Lauren typing rather aggressively and tries to picture an angry Lauren, bashing the keys on her laptop. “I swear, I’ll find these fucking hackers and I’ll sue their asses off, I know the law and there’s something we could use- wait… your channel is right here?”

Camila snorts with laughter at the two contrasting tones; angry Lauren threatening to sue unnamed hackers, and surprised, confused Lauren. “It was a prank call. I’m filming a video.”

Instead of being angry or calling her a bitch like all of her other friends had, Lauren breathes out an audible sigh of relief. “Oh, thank god! I thought it was really gone and I was about to go all Judge Judy on their asses. I’m glad it’s okay.”

“Aw, now I feel bad about pranking you because you’re so sweet.” Camila laughs, “You’re actually so considerate, you were going to be my cute little lawyer.”

“Hell yeah I was, I know my stuff,” Lauren answers, and Camila can practically feel her smile through the phone. “Anyway, I should go, I need to finish up this paper. Have fun filming!”

When Lauren hangs up, Camila smiles at the camera. “She’s so sweet.”

_[Write a comment…]_

**Camren Is Real** Oh my god Lauren is so cute she was literally getting ready to sue for Camila you guys and your crusty old ship could never  
   **Camriana Updates** lauren is nobody we all know camila and ariana are meant for each other so shut the fuck up  
    **Camren Is Real** Wow and this is coming from an update account for a ship that’s been dead for over a year and only lasted like four months :/ imagine that

 **Normani** Not surprised that Lauren is the only one of your friends who doesn’t secretly hate you  
   **Camila Cabello** wat u tryna say mani u wanna go????? get ready for a KNUCKLE SANDWICH

 **Camila’s Dinahsty** not going to lie I wasn’t sure about lauren but this video made me like her  
   **Camila Cabello** i like her more than i’d like my first born child but then that’s not really a big comparison bc my gay ass aint never birthing anything but rainbows

“I’m surprised you didn’t want to go first class.”

Camila rolls her eyes at the comment, tapping nervously on the arm of her seat as the plane starts to lurch forwards; she watches as Lauren clicks out of her video when the outro card pops up, perfect timing for their plane setting off. “I actually kind of hate first class. It’s like… always full of business people in full suits and ties and stuff, and then there’s me in like, a whole sweatsuit in the corner and I look twelve, so naturally they’re all like… _why is this child in here_.”

Lauren laughs. “You don’t look twelve.”

“Are you sure about that?” Camila eyes her sceptically. “I get comments all the time where people are like _what the fuck, she’s_ not _a middle schooler?_ And, I mean, I get where they’re coming from.”

“If you look twelve, so do I,” Lauren answers, and as the plane makes its way onto the runway and Camila grips the armrest of her seat, Lauren sends her a comforting smile and pries her hand off it, taking it in her own. She kisses the back of it and Camila’s pretty sure a part of her melts right then and there. “I’ve got you, Camz. We’re okay.”

“I hate that we have to fly to get home, but I’ve _really_ missed my family. FaceTiming with Sofi just isn’t the same, we can’t do dramatic HSM duets over the internet,” Camila jokes, gripping Lauren’s hand tighter as the plane speeds up to take off. Lauren winces, but she doesn’t let go, thumb tracing patterns over her knuckles. “I wonder if Sofi will remember you. She’d just turned five when we stopped talking, right?”

“Something like that,” Lauren answers, shrugging. “I doubt she’ll remember. I never really interacted with her except for when she was a literal baby. How old is she now?”

“Nine,” Camila replies, and she hadn’t really realised how much she missed her sister until they’re talking about it. “I’m totally going to make her be in a video. She’s kind of sassy, and my audience adore her.”

Lauren laughs. “Yeah, I watched the videos you’ve done with her. They were really cute, especially the sibling tag.”

“Have you just gone through my entire channel and watched everything?” Camila asks, eyebrows raised, and Lauren blushes embarrassedly, nodding. “Wow, didn’t realise I’d let a fan get this close. You’re an excellent stalker.”

Lauren rolls her eyes, and Camila finds the pink tint on her cheeks completely adorable. “Shut up.”

Camila sends her a teasing grin, but it softens and turns into a real one, her heart fluttering when Lauren rests her head on Camila’s shoulder. “All jokes aside, it means a lot to me that you’ve watched everything. All I really wanted when I first started it was your support.”

Lauren winces. “I’m so sorry. God, I was so _stupid_ , and you don’t know how fucking proud I am of you, that you didn’t quit when everyone was making fun of it.”

“If anything, it just made me want to prove them wrong. I think I might’ve,” Camila shrugs, running her fingers through Lauren’s hair. “Besides, I have your support now, and that makes me really happy.”

“You’re kind of the most talented person I’ve ever met, so I’m not surprised your channel exploded,” Lauren smiles, “anyway, are you excited for Thanksgiving?”

“Lo, I’m always excited to stuff my face with food,” Camila laughs, and she can’t help herself; she throws an arm around Lauren’s shoulder and pulls her even closer, and the older girl sighs happily. “I’m going to say that I’m thankful I’ve reconnected with my fiancée of ten years.”

Lauren snorts with laughter, and grabs Camila’s left hand, frowning down at it. “Um, I don’t see your ring, bitch. I’m not buying you another one, that cost like, _two whole dollars_.”

Camila laughs. “It doesn’t even fit me anymore, and I had to take it off when my finger went green, remember?”

Lauren cringes at the memory. “Oh, yeah. Mood rings always did that back then. Still, I’m glad you took my _opposal_ seriously.”

Camila smiles, her heart warm at the memory of little Lauren, down on one knee, telling her that she’s _opposing_ to her. “What’re you going to say you’re thankful for?”

Lauren just shrugs. “I don’t know, I was thinking about saying that I’m thankful for this weird girl I’ve been hanging out with lately-”

Camila gives her a playful shove. “Wow, that’s what I get for being interested, huh?”

Lauren hums, closing her eyes, and Camila _wants_ to nudge her if she’s going to fall asleep, because she’s always had a weird thing about being on planes, and she doesn’t want to be left alone, but Lauren speaks before Camila can do anything. “Do you want to come for a sleepover while we’re back home? It sounds lame but my parents have been like, super hyped over the fact that we’re talking again, and I think they’d probably love it if you came over.”

“Well, your parents and I have that in common, because I’m also super hyped we’re talking again,” Camila teases her, and nods in acceptance, “I’d love to come over. Our Friday night sleepovers were always the highlight of my week.”

“We should totally get on that again,” Lauren says, and Camila’s stomach flips, but the younger Latina blames it on the turbulence of the plane. “Iconic Friday night sleepovers every week where we have a viewing party of your new video. Your place or mine?”

“Both, like when we were younger,” Camila grins, “We’ll alternate weeks and it’ll be this cute little thing we’ll do until we’re ninety and we don’t _have_ to alternate because we’ll be in the same nursing home.”

“Wow, planning seventy years in advance, I like it,” Lauren smiles, “I’ll have to RSVP nearer the time, because ninety is a pretty ambitious goal, I might be busy in my coffin that day.”

“I’m so glad I ran into you, even if I wasn’t at the time,” Camila murmurs, squeezing Lauren’s hand. “I was kind of terrified and I didn’t want to text you in case you were still a jerk.”

Lauren pouts, but doesn’t dispute her. “I was mostly just surprised to see you in LA. You always seemed like more of a New York kind of girl. If you were to go to a city or something, I thought LA would be the last place you’d go.”

Camila shrugs. “I mean, my best friends are here, and I knew I wanted to live with them once I graduated, and… well, _YouTube_ is here, essentially. This is where you have to be, but if that wasn’t the case, you’re right. Taking away all of the YouTube stuff, if LA wasn’t where I had to be for my career, I wouldn’t be here. I don’t really like the city, mostly because of the people. Everything just feels… so fake, you know? Everyone is trying to be something they’re not and that’s what I’ve always hated in _general_ , not just about LA.”

“I don’t blame you,” Lauren murmurs, “do you think you’ll move somewhere else at some point? Like, when you want to settle down?”

“Yeah,” Camila nods, not sure if she’d want to go back to Miami or move somewhere else, maybe somewhere quieter in California. “For sure. Once I have, like… a girlfriend that I’m serious with, and I’m less career-oriented. I mean, I’ll want to live with my girlfriend before that, obviously, but in LA.”

Lauren hums, a little tense at the mention of a _girlfriend_ , and Camila wonders if she’s _jealous_. “I get that. I don’t think I could stay there either, not forever. Anyway, do you mind if I go to sleep? I’m a little tired. If you’re staying up, I’d appreciate it if you’d wake me up when I start talking. It’s okay in my room but I don’t want to announce that… I don’t know, cucumbers are taking over the world or something in the middle of a plane.”

“Sure, I’ll wake you up.” Camila laughs at the words, and _does_ mind about Lauren sleeping, but nods anyway. When Lauren rifles around her bag instead of closing her eyes and snuggling up to Camila, she’s a little confused. The older girl pulls some pills out of her bag, and Camila tries to push down the concern, because she trusts that Lauren won’t take anything bad.

“Here,” Lauren passes the pills to her, and Camila reads the box, “just some over the counter sleeping pills in case you want to go to sleep. I know you have trouble on planes, so even if they don’t put you to sleep, they’ll still calm you down.”

Camila blinks in surprise, but her face settles into a soft smile. “You’re so considerate.”

Lauren blushes, and turns away from her, but snuggles up and wraps her arms around Camila’s waist, Nala tucked under her arm. “I just care about you.”

Camila takes two of the tablets and closes her eyes, holding Lauren close. “You’re so perfect.”

**2010**

_Her first day of high school is kind of a disaster._

_She gets lost about four times, shows up at the wrong classroom once, and by her third class of the day, Lauren knows that any chance she had of making any friends has gone straight out of the window. At lunch, she sits with a couple of her old middle school friends, but she finds herself missing Camila. She knows they didn’t eat lunch together_ every _day in middle school, but it’s nice knowing that if she wanted to, she could go to the music room and find her there, strumming on one of the school’s guitars._

_She’s already making plans in her head to go over to Camila’s tonight, when a couple of other people sit down at the table with them. She looks over all of their faces, and doesn’t recognise anyone from class, so she realises these must be older kids. The idea in itself is a little exciting, sitting with all of the older kids on her first day._

_One of the boys, one of the_ cute _boys sits down right next to her and sends her a charming smile. “Hi there, what’s your name?”_

 _“Lauren,” Lauren murmurs, the nerves building in her tummy, and she realises that this is_ good _, this feeling she’s having. It’s like the feelings she has for Camila, the ones she’s trying to get rid of, and this guy could help her stop feeling them. Lauren knows it’s wrong, and she’s not some fucking_ freak _._

 _“I’m Brad,” the boy smiles, “and_ you _are one of the hottest girls I’ve ever seen.”_

 _By the end of lunch, she has plans to hang out with Brad and his friends on Friday night. She knows she’s supposed to be at Camila’s; they have an unspoken agreement that they have a sleepover every Friday night, but this could be_ good _, this could stop her feeling all of these_ wrong _things about Camila, and then she’ll be able to be her friend properly. That’s what Lauren is supposed to do, right? Be the best friend she can possibly be?_

 _Four weeks later, after multiple amazing weekends out, she sees a Facebook request from Camila, and she knows she’s been caught. Her page is open to everyone, and she_ knows _that Camila will have seen, so she cancels her plans with Brad and the rest of her friends that weekend and shows up at Camila’s house with a big stash of candy and a few of their favourite movies._

 _Camila is a little quiet at first, but she slowly starts to perk up. Lauren hardly notices that she’s getting sad again when she starts telling her about Brad, about how she likes him, because she_ does _like him, even if the feelings aren’t as intense as the ones she has for Camila._

_(This is good, Lauren reminds herself, this will fix everything.)_

_During their sleepover, she finds herself checking her phone, just to make sure that Brad and everyone aren’t having too much fun without her._

**2011**

_Their ritual Friday night sleepover turns into more of a_ monthly _sleepover, and Lauren doesn’t even notice how sad Camila is for most of them. She’s always busy checking her phone, asking Brad what they’re doing and telling him she’ll be there tomorrow night; Saturdays are her favourite day of the week._

 _She feels a little bit of a thrill at their last party of the school year and someone brings_ alcohol. _Lauren gets drunk for the first time in her life at the end of her freshman year of high school, and looking back, she thinks that’s the moment things started to go downhill._

_Summer was full of endless parties, drinking, kissing Brad, and when someone offers her a cigarette, Lauren accepts. She’d always thought smoking would be gross, but it’s actually so relaxing to her, and she finds she doesn’t have to think when she has that nicotine rush._

_When she gets home three hours past her curfew, she sneaks into her bedroom and sprays herself over with deodorant before collapsing into bed, checking her phone and seeing all of the texts from Camila, asking if she wants to come over, if she’s busy, what she’s doing. Lauren promises to think up an excuse and text her back tomorrow._

_(She forgets to reply.)_

_On her fifteenth birthday, her_ quinceañera, _she has a polite family party. Camila is invited; her mom’s doing, she supposes, because Lauren hadn’t spoken to her recently, and she’s so angry when she looks at the younger girl and feels that flutter in her tummy again._

 _Camila is hugging her and touching her all day, and Lauren wants to push her off, but she_ also _wants to kiss her, to hold her, and there’s that ache between her legs that wants to be satisfied. She feels angry and cheated, and she’s so mad that after all of this, after_ all _of the time she’d spent away from Camila and spent with Brad, that she’s still so wrong and messed up._

 _It leaves a gaping hole in her chest, and she knows that it’s self-hatred. Why can’t she just be_ normal _?_

_That night, she says no to Camila sleeping over. She sees the disappointment in the younger girl’s eyes, and she wants to apologise, to pull her close, to let her stay, and there’s that little eight year old girl inside who just wants to be with her best friend, but she pushes that part of her down and shakes her head, saying she’s really tired and she just wants to go to bed._

_At ten o’clock, she sneaks out of her bedroom window and goes to her_ real _birthday party at Brad’s house. She drinks a full bottle of wine to herself, and when Brad offers her a joint, Lauren takes it without hesitation, feeling better than she’s felt in months._

 _Camila starts high school that fall, and Lauren barely sees her around. She thinks it’s good, that she can distance herself until she’s_ fixed _, but a part of her aches for her best friend, to go over to her and ask her if she wants to eat lunch together. She ignores that part, knowing that this is for the best. She needs to fix herself, and she needs to do it_ soon.

 _(Sometimes, she wonders if she should get rid of Nala, because cuddling her every night is almost like she’s cuddling Camila, but she_ can’t _. She just_ can’t.)

 _As the school year starts up properly, Lauren finds she can’t focus as well as she used to, and it makes her all the angrier at herself. Is she seriously this useless at_ everything _? First, she can’t stop herself being wrong, feeling perverted things about her best friend, and now she can’t do her schoolwork right? She’s so angry about it that she asks for a bathroom break and takes her cigarettes with her._

 _Finding a decent spot behind the building, Lauren lights her cigarette, and it’s an instant soother. There’s still that feeling in her chest, that_ empty _feeling, but it’s gone for a moment as she smokes, thinking about nothing but breathing in and out._

_“What the hell, Lauren?”_

_The cigarette is ripped from her grasp, and she meets Camila’s gaze. She looks so angry, but there’s disappointment shining in her beautiful brown eyes, and for a moment, it makes Lauren want to stop smoking, just so she never has to see that expression again._

_“Don’t tell my parents, please,” Lauren begs, because she knows her mom would kill her, “I won’t do it again.”_

_It’s a lie, and they both know it, but Camila nods. “Okay. Can you come over tonight?”_

_The way she asks it is so hopeful, and Lauren feels like she owes her that, so she nods and agrees instantly. “Yeah, thanks, Camila.”_

_Camila looks totally taken aback, and Lauren doesn’t even realise what it is until she’s long gone, and how odd the name_ Camila _had felt falling from her lips. It had never been Camila, only_ Camz _, and it makes Lauren feel hopeful that those feelings are finally going away._

 _She forgets about her plans to go over to Camila’s and goes out with Brad and everyone like usual. She’s completely cross faded when Brad asks her up to his bedroom, and she agrees instantly, knowing that_ this _will fix her. She doesn’t remember much when she wakes up in the morning, but being with him had filled the void in her heart for a little while, and she thinks that’s what matters._

_They sleep together at every party from that point on, and while Lauren doesn’t really like it, it helps her feel a little less lonely._

_It’s November when she gets into school and Brad pulls her to the side. “Look at this shit. Some stupid freshman posted this on YouTube.”_

_She laughs at the words, until the video loads and she sees_ Camila _. “_ I posted a song I wrote, and please be gentle, I’m only fourteen and I know I can improve. It’s about this… person. I think I’ve liked them for my whole life.”

_Lauren tunes out, and the words hit her right in the chest. Camila felt the same way? All this time, she was having the feelings Lauren was having? She’s still in shock over the information that she doesn’t even notice the younger girl walking past until her friends are mockingly singing the lyrics of her song at her._

_She doesn’t expect Camila to react, but she storms over, looks Lauren right in the eye and snaps, “Well? Aren’t you going to say anything?”_

_It feels like every eye is on her, and when Brad frowns and asks, “you know this freak?” she instantly wants to deny it. If people found out, maybe they’d find out about all the things she used to do, the things that were obviously not_ normal _, and then everyone will know her secret. Everyone will know that she_ still _wants to kiss Camila after all of this time, and that Camila might want to kiss her back._

_She so desperately wants to stand up for Camila, but her voice gets caught in her throat and she murmurs, “Well, you’re kind of painting a target on your own back.”_

_“What? By doing something fun and creative, I’m painting a target on my back?” Camila snaps at her. “Are you actually serious right now?”_

_“Camila,” Lauren sighs again, hating the way_ Camila _feels to say. She’s her Camz, she always_ will _be, but she can’t do this here. “Just drop it, okay? We’ll talk later.”_

_“Everything is we’ll talk later with you, isn’t it?” Camila snaps, turning on her heel. “Even though we never do, because you never bother to show up.”_

_She promises herself that she’ll go to Camila’s house tonight, that she’ll apologise, that she’ll show her that she feels the same way and sweep her off her feet and they’ll live happily ever after, but it’s all just a fantasy. Lauren gets too scared, and she smokes two joints before she finally has the courage to go over to Camila’s house._

_When Camila opens the door, her face immediately sinks into a frown. “You’re not on_ drugs _, are you?”_

_Ignoring the question, because she doesn’t want to see that disappointment, Lauren pushes her way into the house. “Do you want to talk or not?”_

_She tries to keep herself steeled, trying to stand her ground, but when Camila talks, she feels herself cracking. “Fine. Why are you being such an asshole?”_

_“I’m not,” is Lauren’s weak reply, even though there’s that part of her again, screaming inside, calling her an idiot, telling her to man up, and for a moment, it wins. “Were you talking about me? In that song. You said it was about a person you think you’ve liked your whole life and I’m the only one who fits that description.”_

_“I was,” Camila admits, and for a moment, Lauren’s heart soars, and she hasn’t felt that_ much _for forever. She doesn’t get how Camila can just admit it, and not feel ashamed that she’s not supposed to feel these things. “Not so sure anymore.”_

_Those words make her chest hurt, and in her clouded mind, she knows what she has to do. She steps closer to her, looking into the eyes of the girl she’s loved her whole life, and murmurs, “Maybe this will make you certain.”_

_She kisses her, and it’s the most she’s felt in years. She doesn’t understand how she could ever have kissed Brad or Luis when kissing Camila felt like this. Kissing Luis and Brad was nice, but kissing Camila is absolutely magical, like every cell in her body is alive with feeling, and Lauren can’t imagine ever_ not _kissing her. But that’s when the realisation dawns. She’s not_ supposed _to do this, it’s wrong, and she pulls away, trying to play it cool. She sends Camila an elusive smirk, and heads out of the front door, waiting until she’s out of sight to cry._

 _She sobs into her hands, rocking back and forth, barely able to make the air reach her lungs because her chest feels so heavy, wishing she could just be okay with it the way Camila is, but she_ can’t _be. Her parents will hate her for it, she’ll lose all of her friends; she’s seen the way the only out gay kid at their school is treated, and that can’t be her. She doesn’t understand how she even likes_ both _, and she knows she must be broken._

_When she’s finished crying, she calls Brad, and he invites her out to a party. She meets him there, sat under clouds of marijuana, holding a needle and grinning at her. “Heroin. Want to try it?”_

_“No.”_

_God, she wishes she’d stuck to that answer. But Brad just shrugs. “I mean, do you really think weed is giving you a good enough high?”_

_The words resonate with her. She’s tried alcohol, she’s tried weed, she’s tried cigarettes, and she still hates herself. With shaky hands, she reaches out and accepts the needle, lining it up to the vein on her left arm, and hoping that this will fix her._

**2012**

_Over winter break, Brad supplies her with some ecstasy pills. She takes one every morning, and she’s surprised at just how effective they are. They don’t help with her schoolwork, obviously, but they make everything lighter, and when she runs out of that, she has her needles. She can’t believe she’s ever just stuck to weed or cigarettes or alcohol when she can get such a good high from this._

_She tries not to do heroin more than once a week, but it’s hard when the cravings start to get stronger. She’s almost considering taking it the day her parents drag them all out to the car, telling them that they’re going on a trip, and she doesn’t dare pack anything in case she gets caught._

_They’re halfway to Orlando when their parents tell them that they’re meeting up with the Cabellos, and Lauren’s heart drops. No, she can’t be around Camila, not without some kind of high. Camila will just be a constant reminder that she’s still feeling things she’s not supposed to feel, and just how broken she really is._

_(She hasn’t seen her since they’d kissed, and she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to_ stop _herself from kissing her.)_

_She freaks out even more when her parents tell her that she’s sharing a room with Camila for the whole week, but she grimaces back and tries to stay calm. It could be okay. She’ll just stick to her side of the room, and cuddle with Nala in her own bed._

_When they meet up, Camila awkwardly trails behind her up to their shared room, and when Lauren unlocks the door, her heart drops. One bed._

_Camila looks at it with wide eyes, and Lauren just plays it off. “What’re you looking like that for? It’s not like we’ve never shared a bed before.”_

_Camila awkwardly makes conversation until they go and meet up with their parents, and the two of them are the only ones of the whole Cabello-Jauregui clan that seem_ unhappy _to be there._

_Lauren trails behind everyone once they get to the Magic Kingdom, and she’s wondering how she’s going to get through this week when Camila falls into step next to her. She looks like she’s going to say something, and Lauren awkwardly blurts out, “are you okay?”_

_Camila looks a little surprised. “I was actually going to ask you the same question. You looked kind of sad, and Disney is supposed to be a happy place, so…”_

_Lauren sighs. “Just don’t really want to be here. I had plans.”_

_It’s a lie; the only thing she planned to do was take her pills and use her needles, because it’s the only thing that makes her feel_ better _nowadays. Really, it’s the only thing that makes her feel_ anything.

_And then, Camila sends her a small smile, and Lauren feels more than she’s ever felt from any drug. “Well, um, do you want to sit with me on whatever ride our parents settle on?”_

_Lauren nods, and after her confirmation, Camila picks up her pace to match with their parents and siblings. Lauren is still trailing behind, and she wonders if maybe she could be brave. Maybe she could do all of the things they used to do, and more. She doesn’t know anyone here, and by the time the week is up, she could feel_ okay _again, and then she won’t_ need _the needles and the pills, and she can walk into school hand in hand with Camila and tell Brad she doesn’t want to see him anymore._

 _When their parents start walking towards the Space Mountain line, Lauren makes her decision. She picks up her pace and slides in next to Camila, taking her hand as they walk. She feels the shock radiating from the younger girl, but Camila doesn’t comment on it, just holds her hand in the line and on the ride itself, and when they’re off it, Lauren smiles at her, wondering how she ever thought feeling like this could be_ bad _. Camila makes her whole, like she’s the second half of Lauren’s heart, and she knows it’s all she needs. She just has to be brave._

_“Camz, oh my god, we have to see our ride photo!” Lauren tugs her over to the gift shop, and if Camila is stunned, she doesn’t show it, just laughs along with her and holds her hand the whole day._

_When they get back to the hotel room after an amazing day, one of the best Lauren has had in years, she digs through her suitcase for Nala, and cuddles up next to Camila in the bed. She winces slightly when she knocks her arm, because it’s still a little painful from the last time she used, but she pushes that thought and the craving for more to the back of her mind, knowing that Camila will help her._

_(She just needs to be_ brave.)

 _When they’re on_ Peter Pan’s Flight _, Lauren’s stomach is fluttering with butterflies as Camila turns to her happily, and she kisses her before she can think about it, before she can_ stress _about it, and she wonders how she could see this as_ wrong _. Everything with Camila is so right, and she doesn’t get why people think it’s bad for two girls to be together like that when it makes her feel like this._

_Reality hits her on her last day, and she realises how much of a coward she is. There’s no way she could walk into school holding Camila’s hand. She doesn’t have the guts for that, even if Camila makes her feel the way she does. In the real world, they can’t be together, not unless they want to be ostracized and bullied. It’s too dangerous._

(She can’t be brave she can’t be brave she _can’t_.)

_When Lauren gets home that night and she doesn’t get any contact from Camila, she’s upset and angry and she can’t believe she’d been so stupid to think she could do this. She rifles around in her cupboards for her stash, and finds one of the needles, pushing the drug into her veins and the self-hatred and cowardice out._

_-_

_Lauren can’t stay away for long. She keeps going to Camila’s house before or after a party, or a drug deal, because Brad had gotten her into dealing for some extra cash; he says it was his birthday present to her, an_ opportunity _. She’ll meet with a customer, take something herself, and then stumble over to Camila’s and kiss her. Camila never pushes her away, and Lauren is relieved, because Camila’s kisses are her number one addiction._

_She’s going less and less time without ecstasy or heroin now. Two pills a day, three needles a week and slowly rising, and she knows it’s getting more and more obvious with the way her parents are looking at her, and she can’t find it in herself to care._

_She goes over to Camila’s after a particularly bad day, walking into her room and kissing her, knowing that in some other world, another Lauren and another Camila are kissing, both of them high on the love they share for each other, and that’s enough. Those versions of them are happy, and Lauren wishes she could have that, but she knows she never can. She can’t tell anybody about the way she feels. Only in fantasies has she ever said the word_ bisexual _to anybody, because she knows that’s what she is. It’s a relief to know that she’s not broken, that there are other people out there like her, but it doesn’t make it any less terrifying, and it doesn’t make it any less_ wrong _._

_(It’s a secret she has to take to the grave.)_

_Before Lauren can kiss her again, Camila asks, “Are your parents not concerned about you?”_

_They_ are _, but Lauren brushes them off. It’s not like they have any evidence that she’s doing anything._

_“I don’t think that’s any of your business,” Lauren retorts, catching a glimpse of Camila’s laptop screen before the younger Latina slams it shut. “You’re not still making those stupid videos, are you?”_

_She doesn’t think Camila’s videos are stupid. In fact, ever since that day when everyone at school had found out about them, Lauren had commented on every single one. She’d created a dummy account, under the first name Michelle, and she writes supportive comments on every video Camila posts. She’s just too much of a coward to tell her in person, just in case someone overheard and realised the way she meant it._

_Camila opens her mouth, but Lauren just uses that as an opportunity to kiss her roughly, pushing her down onto the bed. Camila gasps when her hands tug roughly at the hem of her shirt, and Lauren desperately wants to take it off, but Camila stops her. “Lauren, I can’t keep doing this.”_

_Lauren sighs in annoyance as Camila pushes her off, trying to play it off, like she’s not in love with her. “Why not? We’re best friends. It’s just… two friends helping each other out.”_

_(It’s so much more than that, but Lauren can’t physically make those words come out.)_

_“I don’t mean just that. Besides, you’re barely my friend anymore. You only hang out with me when it’s convenient or when you want someone to make out with,” Camila argues with her, “You don’t care that I’ve… that I’ve fallen in love with you. My parents can’t understand why I’m still friends with you, and honestly, neither can I.”_

_(She loves me she loves me she loves me, Lauren’s brain repeats, and that part of her, the little part that isn’t so far gone yells,_ tell her you love her too _, but she just can’t.)_

_“Then kick me out. Do it. If you’re so sick of me.”_

_(No no no no, that part of her yells, you fucking idiot, don’t say that!)_

_Lauren ignores the voice, ignores the pull she feels to just tell Camila how she feels, how much she’s struggling, how much she fucking_ hates _herself. She can’t do that. Nobody can know that she’s bisexual._

_“It’s not that I’m sick of you,” Camila sighs. “It’s that you’re not you. The Lauren I know is the best friend I’ve ever had, and she would never just use me to get what she wants and then fuck off to be with her friends. The friends who got you into drinking and god knows what else. That girl who saved me from a bully in the playground? She’s not you, and she hasn’t been you for a long time, now that I’m realising it.”_

_(I am, I’m still here, please! Her brain begs, tell her that!)_

_Lauren pushes the thoughts away, her walls going up. “Obviously not. People change. But, come on, Camz, it’s not like I’m some different person, I’m still your best friend--”_

_“No you’re not,” Camila snaps at her, finally pushing her away for good, “you haven’t been my best friend since- since you started high school, and I’m sick of constantly defending you to my parents, even to myself, because you’re not the girl I loved, and I know that now. I’m done, Lauren. Go hang out with your friends. Your boyfriend. Go smoke or shoot yourself up with god knows what, because I’m done. I don’t want to see you again.”_

_(TELL HER TELL HER TELL HER YOU’RE STILL HERE JUST BE BRAVE)_

_Lauren wants to, she wants to more than she’s ever wanted anything, but she chokes on the words, and the anger wins. “Fine, you know what? I don’t need you anyway. You’re a fucking loser and a controlling bitch and you’re dragging me down and_ I’m _done with_ you _, not the other way around. Fuck you, Camila.”_

_She slams the door behind her, her brain yelling at her to go back, to make it right, but she’s far too stubborn. She goes home, pushes the drugs into her veins and pushes Camila Cabello out._

_-_

_A week later, she’s meeting with a customer, when she hears_ Lauren Michelle _and her heart stops. Her mother grabs the baggie of ecstasy pills as the guy she was selling to makes a break for it, and drags her to her car by the arm, fingers digging into the needle marks on Lauren’s arm._

 _(She knows she’s been stupid, she should’ve checked that she wasn’t being followed, but_ Brad _was supposed to watch her back! She sees him just as her mother pushes her into the backseat, hiding behind a few bushes, and she wonders why he won’t_ help _her.)_

 _“I knew it, I knew it,” Clara curses as she drives “you are in so much trouble, do you understand me?_ Drugs _, Lauren! Do you not know how dangerous that is?”_

 _Lauren stays silent for the drive home, her mind going a hundred miles an hour, wondering how she’s going to get out of this, if her parents are going to take her to the_ police, _and when they’re finally home and her mother asks her again, she scoffs like it’s no big deal._

_Rolling her eyes, she announces, “It’s my body and my life, I can do what I want with them, and you can’t stop me. I’m sixteen, I’ve looked it up, I can leave here right now.”_

_“Actually, we can stop you.” Clara snaps at her, and when she pulls a suitcase out from by the door, Lauren’s eyes widen. “We’ve found somewhere that will help you get better, Lauren. You’ll be attending there from now on, we just needed hard evidence and now we’ve got it. Get in the car.”_

_“What?” Lauren splutters, because this is all happening way too fast. “You’re shipping me off to some_ school _?”_

_“It’s for your own good,” Mike says from the doorway to the lounge. “You might not agree with us now, but you will in the future.”_

_“I’m not going to some fucking school,” Lauren snaps, and tries to make a break for it, but her dad grabs her and holds her back, “dad, I’m serious, you can’t just ship me off to some fucking boarding school, that’s-”_

_“Do you_ want _to end up like some homeless heroin addict?” Clara argues with her, grabbing her out to the car, “Because that’s the path you’re headed on. This school will help you, and we’re doing this because we love you, not to punish you.”_

 _“Please, don’t send me away,” Lauren cries, desperate now, grabbing at the suitcase and throwing things out of it to distract her parents so she can get away, but her dad keeps restraining her and her mom stuffs everything back in, and that’s when she realises and starts crying even harder, “No! You don’t have Nala in there,_ please _, if you’re sending me away, I need-”_

_Clara lets out an exasperated sigh. “You’re sixteen years old! You don’t-”_

_Mike shakes his head to silence her, and once he gets Lauren strapped in the backseat of the car, he sends her a gentle smile. “I’ll go get Nala, okay?”_

_“Dad, please, you can’t send me away,” She tries to beg, but he shuts the car door and locks it behind him once her mother gets in, and Lauren has no escape route. “Mami, please, I’ll be better, I promise-”_

_“Yes, you’ll be better, and being away from everything here will help you,” Clara says, “this isn’t a punishment, Lauren. We’re getting you the help you need.”_

_She can’t convince them on the hour’s drive to the school, and they leave her there, crying and helpless and oh so hungover, and she’s never been angrier at them. As they walk out of the doors, she screams obscenities at them, telling them she hates them, that she’s going to break out of here and they’ll never see her again, and it frustrates her that they don’t react. Her mother walks out of the doors, and her dad pulls her in for a hug while she thrashes to get away. “We’ll see you soon. We love you.”_

_She gets dragged to a stupid assembly once she’s calmed down, and has to sit and listen to some college student who ‘changed’ from coming here, and she’s yapping about all of the stuff she’s achieved since then._ What a loser _, Lauren thinks as she watches the girl on stage,_ I’d rather gauge my own eyes out than come back here after escaping and suck up to the teachers.

 _She gets given three different sets of the same ugly uniform, and a school nurse gives her some pills that will_ stop her withdrawals _, but she isn’t going to_ have _any fucking withdrawals, because she’s getting out of here and running away. As she’s shown to her room, she looks for any possible escape route, thrashing to get out of the iron grip of the teacher escorting her._

 _She throws another fit when she’s walked into her ‘room’, a tiny little shoebox with two beds pushed against separate walls, a wardrobe and two worn desks, and realises she has a_ roommate _, which means she won’t get a single second of privacy in this hell hole. The roommate in question, a girl named Lucy, watches her with something like amusement as she has her tantrum, and it makes her even more furious. She cusses at the girl, telling her to mind her fucking business, to stop fucking_ staring _at her like that._

_Lucy watches her as she rages, thrashing around in the iron grip of the teacher, eyebrow quirked up in amusement. “Alright, guess we won’t be friends.”_

_She has her first class a few days after her parents had left her, and her real start at school is more than rocky. She talks back to the teachers and gets multiple canings a day until the day she breaks down in her room and Lucy comforts her, offering her friendship, and for the first time Lauren is grateful that she got stuck with a roommate. Lucy shows her what to do to get out, and she appreciates that, and she looks after her when she’s down (which is most of the time)._

_‘_ We’ll see you soon’ _turns out to be false. Lauren’s parents don’t pick her up for Thanksgiving. They’d called the week before, telling her it was best that she stay at school for Thanksgiving break, that they didn’t want to disrupt her. She’d acted fine on the phone, mumbling that it was okay, but when she hung up the phone after her thirty minutes was up, she’d gone back to her room and cried in Lucy’s arms._

 _She finds she’s crying a lot, nowadays. It’s like everything she kept shut up for years is all pouring out, and now she’s opened those floodgates she can’t stop it. She’s quietened down since her parents had left her at school, mostly because of Lucy. Even when she_ felt _like acting out, Lucy would grab her by the arm, shoot her a look, and Lauren would keep her mouth shut, sighing and getting on with her work. She appreciates this, because she knows that the teachers send a monthly progress report to her parents, and she wants to be out of here by Christmas. She needs to get out of here; not even because she feels like she needs her next high, because her cravings aren’t as strong anymore, but because she wants to see Camila. She wants to show Camila her work, her progress, and show her that she’s trying to be better for her._

 _Lucy stays at school with her for Thanksgiving break, and Lauren is at least grateful for that. Her heart aches for her home, for her own bed, for her family, for_ Camila _, but she knows she has to get through this. If she keeps herself in line, then she could be out of here by Christmas, back with Camila._

 _She feels a little guilty for the thought whenever she looks at Lucy. Lucy had been here for her constantly, and it’s like they’ve known each other for years; the only person Lauren has ever felt a greater connection with is Camila. In a weird way, she doesn’t_ want _to leave Lucy, but she hates the school, hates the rules, hates that she’s basically living under those rules all the time with no kind of breaks._

 _She keeps herself in line, follows the rules, keeps her head down, and the only kind of relief she gets is when she’s in their shared room and they’re just_ talking _, like they’re not stuck in some shitty reform school, like things_ don’t _suck._

_There’s a tension between them, even though Lucy has quickly become Lauren’s rock. It’s no secret that Lucy is gorgeous, and Lauren starts to notice it more and more, but she comes to the proper realisation when Lucy stays with her for Thanksgiving break. She acts like she was always staying, but Lauren had heard her telling her parents not to pick her up during her weekly phone call, and she can’t remember the last time someone did something like that for her._

_(It makes that self-hatred bubble right back up again, but she tries to push it aside on her own this time, focusing on her schoolwork.)_

_The school makes a dinner for the students that are staying, and they all have to say what they’re thankful for. Lauren, whose anxiety had been at an all time high these last few months, was panicking about it, pacing around their room and overthinking the whole thing, and that’s when Lucy kisses her. Lauren stops, stunned, her mind definitely off how she might stumble over her words when she’s talking and that people might laugh._

_“You kissed me,” she states, almost as if she doesn’t believe it. “Why?”_

_“Mostly to shut you up, but also because I kind of adore you,” Lucy says, and Lauren is stunned at the words. “It doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to. I know you’re not all figured out yet and I don’t want to overwhelm you.”_

_Lauren isn’t sure what to say, awkwardly picking at the hem of her cardigan to calm herself down. “Could you help me? You know, figure it all out?”_

_“Of course,” Lucy takes her hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze, and Lauren sighs happily as she’s pulled into her friend’s arms. She really hadn’t realised just how much she_ needed _someone to take care of her. “Do you think you’re ready to talk about it?”_

_Lauren opens her mouth, hoping the words will just spill out, but it’s like her throat closes over at the thought. She manages a shake of her head before she’s crying again, and Lucy holds her until one of the teachers who stays at the school knocks on the door, telling them that it’s time for their thanksgiving dinner. It’s the same teacher who’d given Lauren her first caning, but instead of looking at her with irritation and disgust, she sends her a sympathetic smile as Lucy leads her out of the room._

_That night, when dinner is long over, Lauren kisses Lucy, wondering if this is something she’ll_ ever _be able to talk about._

 _Her parents do come to get her for Christmas, and she’s told to wait in her room for her parents to come to her. When their teacher leaves, Lucy crosses over to Lauren’s bed and rubs comforting circles on her back, even though Lauren isn’t crying. It’s like she can sense that Lauren is sad, or maybe it’s because Lauren is_ always _sad._

_“Hey, don’t be upset. You get to go home!” Lucy tries to encourage her. “Maybe that’s where you’ll stay. You’ve stopped acting out and nine times out of ten that’s what parents are looking for, and it’s not like you’ve taken anything since being here.”_

_Lauren sighs, and she wants to pull away from Lucy, like her parents will be able to_ sense _that they kiss all the time, but she can’t bring herself to do it in case she doesn’t see the other girl again. If her parents don’t send her back here, she’ll have no way to contact Lucy; she’s not on her list of approved numbers, and it’s not like Lucy has her cell phone here._

_Almost as if she can read Lauren’s mind, Lucy grabs a pen, rolls up the sleeve of Lauren’s school cardigan and writes her phone number on her arm. “This is my cell phone number. Call it if you need anything over break, okay? Even just to talk, but since we’re both from Miami, I can come over.”_

_“Thank you.” Lauren nods, and rolls down her sleeve. “And thanks for not… um, expecting anything from me. It’s like- with you there’s no pressure.”_

_Lucy smiles. “You’re pretty much the first real friend I’ve ever had, so… don’t thank me.”_

_There’s a knock on the door, and Lucy puts a few inches between herself and Lauren, and the younger girl is infinitely grateful. When her parents walk in, Lauren isn’t sure if she should hug them or not, if she should be_ happy _or not. She’s desperate to get home, but she’s still pretty angry that they just sent her away._

_Clara comes to her first, pulling her in for a tight hug. “We’ve missed you so much, Lauren. Have you packed all your things?”_

_Lauren nods, her gaze flicking over to the suitcase by the side of her bed. She doesn’t comment on it, not wanting her hope to be shattered just yet. Instead, she nods to Lucy. “Um, this is Lucy, she’s my friend.”_

_Clara eyes Lucy suspiciously, but Lucy takes it in her stride, sending her a warm smile and offering out her hand to shake. “It’s really nice to meet you. Lauren talks about you guys all the time.”_

_Mike greets her first, shaking her hand. “Good to meet you too.”_

_Clara seems to ease up a little and greets her, and Lauren pushes herself off from the bed, and asks a question she knows she shouldn’t ask. “Has Camila called home at all?”_

_Her parents exchange a look, and it’s Mike who breaks the news to her. “Uh, no. We haven’t heard from her, but your mom mentioned she ran into her and her mother a few weeks back-”_

_“Did she ask about me?” Lauren interrupts, desperate for a_ yes _even though any spark of hope she’d had was starting to go out, because_ Camila hadn’t called. _“Did she ask where I was?”_

_“I- no, sweetheart,” Clara says, and Lauren feels the already shattered remains in her chest break even more. “I’m sorry.”_

_Lucy seems to understand how much the words have broken her, because Lauren was doing it for Camila. She was trying to be what Camila wanted, trying to get better so she could get her best friend back, so she could be what Camila needs, and now it seems like it was all for nothing, because it’s not like she’s any happier. Lauren is still miserable, and Camila is doing perfectly fine without her. She didn’t even care that Lauren had seemingly just disappeared._

_Lucy takes her hand and gives it a gentle squeeze, and Lauren_ swears _she sees her parents exchange a look, and it’s enough to freak her out. She drops the older girl’s hand and looks at her apologetically, mumbling, “I’ll see you,” not even knowing if she will, before following her parents out of the room._

 _She notes that her dad is dragging the suitcase as they walk down the hallway, and Lauren takes that as a good sign. Maybe she_ will _be out of here, and then she can contact Camila and talk to her herself._

But will you really _, that little mocking voice in the back of her head points out,_ you know she doesn’t want you, that she’s fine without you. Why do you want to hear her confirm it?

_She tries to swallow her tears and her heartbreak, not wanting to cry in front of people, but she almost breaks then and there when she gets within earshot of her parents and teacher and hears, “…and we’d generally like a drop off about a week before semester two starts, but any time in that week is fine too.”_

_“You’re making me come back here after Christmas?” Lauren blurts out without thinking, and her parents turn around after exchanging another one of those_ looks _. “But I thought that-”_

 _“Mike, take Lauren to the car while I continue this conversation,” Clara instructs, and Mike escorts Lauren out of the building, and she’s so confused and she feels so_ sick _and she doesn’t understand_ why _. She’s practically been a model student, especially in the crime and punishment class; she’d even go as far as to say she_ likes _that class._

 _Her dad puts her suitcase in the trunk, and Lauren clambers in the back, buckling herself in, and her stomach is churning when her father gets in the front. “You can’t be serious. You can’t be bringing me_ back _here-”_

 _“Lauren, you have to understand that this isn’t a punishment. We’re getting you the help you need, and we can’t risk you falling back into those old crowds. You’ve made so much progress already and it’s only been four months,” Mike says, and Lauren feels so angry and cheated, because she’d only made that progress because she wanted to_ leave _. “Imagine what you could do by next June. You could even apply to college-”_

 _“I can do that at my old school, I promise, I won’t talk to Brad or anyone like that, I swear on my_ life _,” Lauren practically begs, green eyes as wide as saucers, “please don’t send me back there,_ please _, I can’t do it again-”_

_“You’re doing so well,” Mike interrupts her, and Lauren wonders how she even has any tears left, she’s been crying so much. “Just another semester, okay? We can talk about you going back to your old school for your senior year, but we want you to have the rest of the year here. We’re so proud of how much you’ve progressed.”_

_Lauren sobs in the back seat, wishing that Lucy was there to hold her, because her dad’s words from the front aren’t helping. She doesn’t care that they’re proud, she just wants to go home and stay there._

_Her mom joins them in the car, and Lauren is still crying on the drive to their house. It takes about an hour, and when they arrive, all she wants is to go to her bedroom and curl up in a ball with Nala, but her mother insists on taking her to the lounge for a_ talk _._

_“We’ve got a few rules we need to go over,” Clara says, and Lauren feels queasy at the words, but by that point, she’s too tired to argue or to even care. Whatever these rules are, she’s sure they can’t be worse than the ones at school. “Your teachers have told us all of your school rules, and we think it’s important that you continue to follow them while you’re here.”_

Okay, maybe they _can_ be worse, _Lauren thinks to herself, and she wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand, snuggling Nala to her chest. She wasn’t sure if it was possible, but since losing Camila and being sent away, it’s like she has even more of an attachment to the stuffed animal._

_“We don’t want any arguments, and if you break a rule, you’ll be punished for it,” Mike says, “We’re going to keep up with the no cell phones rule. You can use the computer for your work, because we know you have some, but we’ll disconnect it from the internet, and if you need to look something up, one of us will monitor the sites you visit. You can have an hour’s worth of TV time a day, but the rest of the day is family time or studying.”_

_“Bedtime is ten pm, lights out at half past, and we’ll expect you up and dressed by nine on weekdays and ten on weekends, and we’ll know if you try to sneak out and meet any of your old friends,” Clara warns her, but Lauren hadn’t even_ thought _about trying, because all she has the energy for nowadays is crying herself to sleep. “And we’re going to make you stay in your uniform. It’s important for discipline, but if we’re going out for a nice family meal, you can wear an appropriate outfit of our choosing.”_

_Lauren just nods tiredly. “Can I go to bed, please?”_

_Clara is obviously about to tell her no, but Mike stops her, nodding and sending her a gentle smile. “Of course.”_

_Lauren gets up, trudges to her bedroom. Clearly her mom had tidied up, but some things aren’t put back where Lauren knows she left them, and she knows that her parents will have ransacked her room for any leftover pills and needles. She quickly strips from her school clothes and gets into pyjamas, clambering under her sheets and pulling her stuffed lion to her chest, wondering when she’ll stop feeling so fucking_ empty.

 _Lauren has been home for four days, following her parents’ routine like she’s on autopilot. She doesn’t care for_ _family time, she doesn’t care about TV time, she just wants to curl up in a ball and sleep her life away. No, better than that, she wants to curl up in a ball, fall to sleep and never wake up._

_She’s lying in bed, silently crying her eyes out, when she hears her parents’ voices from the kitchen. Her siblings are out with their friends, and the only friend Lauren has is Lucy, and she doesn’t have any way to call her, because she’s not allowed to use the phones._

_“She’s miserable, Clara,” her dad’s voice echoes through her door, and it wakes Lauren up properly from the exhausted daze she’s lying in. “I thought it was the drugs she’d been taking but she’s so depressed and I don’t know what to do.”_

_“Do you think we should take her to the doctor?” Clara asks. “Get her on some antidepressants? I just don’t want to get her off one drug and literally put her on another, even if it_ is _controlled.”_

_“Maybe we could let her invite her friend over, you know, her roommate,” Mike suggests, and Lauren doesn’t have a reaction to the comment, because she knows that her mom will just shoot it down. “Just let her have a day to spend some time with a friend that won’t get her back into… all of that.”_

_Clara is quiet for a moment, and Lauren is surprised when she hears, “Yes, okay, I’ll go and let her know. Hopefully it’ll cheer her up, I just miss seeing her smile.”_

_Lauren waits for her bedroom door to open to sit up, but she pushes herself up onto her elbows and meets her mother’s gaze. Clara sends her a tentative smile, and Lauren just stares back, because smiling would take too much energy, and she knows it’d just look fake._

_“We were wondering if you’d like you call your friend Lucy and invite her over,” Clara says, sitting down on the edge of Lauren’s bed, reaching out and brushing Lauren’s hair back from her forehead. “We think it’d be good for you to get some social time with people outside of the family.”_

_Lauren wipes at her eyes, and she wonders if she can call Camila, too, but she knows she’ll just chicken out; she doesn’t think she could bear the rejection. She nods, and when her mom presents her with the landline phone, she picks up the scrap of paper she’d noted Lucy’s number down on. She dials it, waiting for it to ring, and Lucy picks up quickly. “Hello?”_

_“Lucy… it’s Lauren,” Lauren says, her voice raspier than usual from complete lack of use. She glances over at her mother, who isn’t leaving the room, probably to make sure she’s not calling a dealer or something, and she’s pretty sure she can hear that the phone is on both the lines, which means her dad will be listening in. “My parents, they said that I could invite you over, and, well, do you want to? Come to my house, I mean.”_

_“Sure. What’s your address?” Lucy asks, and Lauren reels it off from memory. “Okay. I’ll be there soon. See you.”_

_“Yeah, see you,” Lauren mumbles, and when she hangs up the phone and passes it back to Clara, her mother seems a little concerned that she’s not jumping for joy at the idea of her friend being over. “Um, thanks.”_

_Clara takes the phone, and pulls Lauren in for a tight hug, kissing the top of her head. “Pick anything from your closet to wear, sweetheart. I love you, okay?”_

_“Yeah,” Lauren monotonously replies, breaking away from the hug. “I love you too.”_

_Clara stands and walks to the door, and Lauren feels her gaze on her for a few moments, before her mother turns and walks out, back into the kitchen to her father. It takes Lauren a while to build up the energy to get herself out of bed, and when she does, she pulls a pair of skinny jeans from her closet, pulling them on and frowning at how loose they are. She hadn’t even_ noticed _that she’d barely been eating._

_She sighs, and pulls an old sweater over her head, lying back down on the bed until her mother calls her, saying that Lucy is here. She drags herself from her bedroom, and collapses into the hug Lucy wraps her in. She hears her mother say something about spending time in the lounge, and Lucy leads her there, sitting down on the couch with her. Lauren waits until she’s sure her mother isn’t buzzing around to cry._

_Lucy comforts her with hugs and kisses, and puts a cheesy Disney movie on for them to watch together, and it’s when they’re lying on the couch, halfway through_ Aladdin _that Lauren mumbles, “I think I’m ready to talk about things.”_

_Lucy blinks, like she wasn’t expecting that, but nods. “Okay. Talk to me, and I’ll help you through whatever it is you need to work through.”_

_“You said- back at school, when you kissed me, you said that you know I’m not all figured out yet, but that’s not really… it,” Lauren murmurs, because it’s not a case of being confused, it’s a case of hating what she knows she is. “I know that I- that I like… girls. And boys. That I’m…”_

_The word gets caught in her throat, and Lucy gives her a comforting squeeze. “You don’t have to say it.”_

_Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, shaking her head. “No, I need to… I know that I’m- that I’m bisexual.”_

_“I’m so proud of you,” Lucy smiles at her, but Lauren doesn’t feel proud, even though she knows actually_ saying _it was a big step. “You know it’s not a bad thing. I don’t like to label myself, and I definitely prefer women, but that’s just how we’re made. It’s okay that you’re the same, and… and you shouldn’t worry what your parents think. It’s so obvious that they both love you so much.”_

 _Lauren’s stomach churns, and she wants to vomit at the idea of telling her_ parents _about it, not knowing that her mother can hear every word they’re saying from where she is in the kitchen. “I just don’t get why… why I hate it so much. I don’t care that you like girls, but for_ me _, it makes me…”_

_Lucy squeezes her hand. “Internalised homophobia is a horrible thing to deal with, because of the way society as a whole sees people like us. You’ve seen how we’re treated and you don’t want that to happen to you. It’s like… it’s a way of self-preservation that leads to self-hatred.”_

_“How do I make it go away?” Lauren asks, because she’d do anything to stop feeling like this. “I feel so_ bad _, Lucy…”_

 _“I think the first thing you need to do is go to the doctor about your mental health right now.” Lucy says, and Lauren knows it’s for the best, even though she’d heard her parents debating it earlier. “And then slowly start being more open. I’m not saying you have to prance around wearing rainbows all the time, but just… letting yourself look at girls in that way, maybe saying something like_ she’s cute _, just little things like that can really help. You get more comfortable in it when you see that other people don’t care.”_

_“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to- to prance around wearing rainbows.” Lauren mumbles, “but I want to try and… and feel better about it. Not just for myself, but- you know. If you want to…”_

_“Don’t rush yourself, and I’ve always told you that we don’t need to put a label on anything. It’s okay to just be friends with a few benefits,” Lucy promises her, “jumping into a relationship and having a girlfriend isn’t a good thing for you right now, since you’re not over your… Camila, but you know I wouldn’t be opposed to that in the future if that’s what we both wanted.”_

_Camila’s name brings that resounding feeling of heartbreak, but Lauren tries to push that aside. Camila wants nothing to do with her, and Lauren knows that now. “I- I’m going to work hard at school for me. I never needed to do it for anyone, but… Camila- Camila always saw the best in me, and I want to be the person she saw.”_

_“I’m proud of you, Laur,” Lucy smiles, “and you’ll always have me to help you if you need it.”_

_When Lucy goes home, Lauren walks into the kitchen, and finds her mother making dinner. She awkwardly clears her throat, and Clara turns around, sending her another one of those tentative smiles, like Lauren is about to break. “Yes, sweetheart? Did you have fun with your friend?”_

_“Um, yeah,” Lauren looks anywhere but her mother, “I think I need to go to the doctor.”_

_Clara is quiet for a moment, but nods. “Okay, honey, we’ll make you an appointment. Thank you for telling me.”_

_Lauren wants to go crawl back into bed, tired after spending time with Lucy, but she sees what her mom is making and blurts out, “Do you need any help with dinner?” before she can stop herself._

_Clara positively beams at the words, nodding, “Yes, come on, you can help chop the vegetables.”_

_Lauren helps her mom make dinner, and when she goes to bed that night, she actually feels_ okay _._

**2013**

_She goes back to school with enough antidepressants to last her until spring break, when her parents are going to pick her up again and bring her home for the week, and as the weeks go by, the emptiness in her chest starts to fade and some of the light comes back into her eyes. She’s more animated, nerding out to Lucy about the criminal law classes she’d taken, and one of her teachers calls her into their office after class, telling her about a college program at UCLA that they think would be perfect for her, and Lauren feels like she has a purpose for the first time in forever._

_With a real goal, it’s easier to cope, and she works her ass off, scoring higher than she ever has on tests to get what she wants, and as time passes, she sees how proud her parents are, how proud_ Lucy _is, and she doesn’t even realise she’d stopped hating herself until she’s gotten used to the light feeling in her chest, and can’t imagine it ever feeling so empty again._

_She thinks the resounding moment for her is when she’s home for Spring Break. She was bored one day, and wandered into the kitchen, finding a recipe for some cookies online. She was halfway through stirring the dough, singing along to the Paramore song stuck in her head, and as she pauses to taste-test the dough, she hears her mother whisper excitedly to her father, “Mike, she’s singing again!”_

_She gets a copy of her report card just before summer break, and when she sees that there’s nothing less than an A, she feels like everything was worth it. There’s a warmth in her chest, and when she shows Lucy the report card, the older girl tells her how proud she is, and Lauren kisses her. They sleep together, and even though Lauren has slept with someone before, it’s never felt that_ intimate _. When they’re lying in Lucy’s bed after, Lauren is a little concerned, and she murmurs, “This won’t ruin our friendship, will it?”_

_Lucy just laughs and gives her a gentle squeeze around the waist. “Nothing could ruin our friendship.”_

_When she goes home for summer, her parents talk to her about transferring her back to her old school, and they tell her how proud they are, but Lauren says no, that she wants to stay at Carrolton. She knows that it’s the best place to be, especially for help with college applications, and she wants to graduate with Lucy, the one person she can really call her best friend._

_She works her ass off at school, and it’s a stark contrast to the previous year, where most of the teachers hated her, because even though they won’t admit it, she knows she’s their favourite student. Her teachers help her with her college applications, and Lauren applies for as many scholarships as she can, and she’s kind of ecstatic when Lucy tells her she’s looking at UCLA too. She’s so excited that she kisses her, and finally,_ properly _comes out to her, comfortable enough in herself to know that she can take whatever the world will throw at her, but it’s the last time they ever do anything more than platonic, knowing that they work better as friends._

**2014**

_When she graduates with the knowledge that she’s going to UCLA with a scholarship, Lauren finally knows she’s healthy. She starts her life properly as she drives away from school with Lucy, incredibly grateful that she’s in a better place._

_She goes to Miami, dropping Lucy off at her house, and she doesn’t even realise that she’s driving past Camila’s house until she’s already passed it. She works over summer, building up funds for college, wanting to contribute something to her fees; her parents had paid for two years of private schooling, and while Lauren knows it was a necessity, it was because of her, and she wants to help out._

_On the day she’s moving out to college, Lauren sits her parents down in the lounge, and her heart is beating out of her chest when she tells them she’s bisexual. Her dad is initially surprised, but it doesn’t take him long to regain his composure when he sees the worry in Lauren’s eyes. “Oh, thanks for telling us.”_

_She’s a little surprised by the lacklustre response, and when she looks to her mother, Clara is just smiling at her. “I know, honey. I heard you talking about it with Lucy years ago.”_

_Lauren frowns. “And you didn’t ask me about it?”_

_“You didn’t sound ready when you were talking to her,” Clara easily replies, “it was something you needed to work through on your own, and I knew you’d come to me when you were ready. And you have.”_

_“Oh, well… okay,” Lauren is completely bewildered that this thing she’d built up in her head as such a big deal just_ isn’t _. “That’s… um, that’s all I needed to say, then.”_

_“Well, aren’t you going to tell me if you’re dating Lucy or not?” Clara asks, looking affronted. “I thought by now you’d have introduced her as your girlfriend.”_

_“What?” Lauren frowns. “No, we’re not- I mean, we tried, but no. That’s not happening, and this whole conversation isn’t happening, I’m going before you can ask me if I’m dating everyone I’ve ever known.”_

_She acts annoyed as she finishes putting the last suitcase into the trunk of her car; she’s driving across to LA with Lucy, on a summer road trip to their final destination, and they’ve booked hotels in a few places that seem fun to explore. As her mom talks, she brushes her off like every teenager is supposed to, groaning at the questions about a girlfriend or a boyfriend, but in reality, she kind of loves it, having her mom tease her about girls. It normalises it, and that’s what Lauren has always struggled with, feeling like it’s not normal._

_Sometimes, as she’s working through her freshman year at college, Lauren looks at Camila’s contact in her phone, but she never calls it, because there’s still that little part of her that believes Camila is better off without her, and she doesn’t think that part will ever go away._

Lauren jolts awake as the plane bounces from the turbulence, and shifts slowly to get her phone from her pocket, not wanting to wake Camila. She checks the time, and realises that they’ll be landing in twenty minutes, and she carefully pulls away from the younger girl and gets her book from her bag.

She decides that she’s going to wake Camila up after they’ve landed, because she remembers that the landing is Camila’s least favourite part of the plane journey. Gently, so not to disturb her, she rests her head on Camila’s shoulder and opens up her book, reading peacefully.

 _liked by_ **camrenjaurello, cabellojauregui97** _and_ **4,958 others  
** **camrenupdates:** Camila and Lauren at Miami airport today (Nov 18, 2016)

 **camilajauregui:** oh my god they’re holding hands they’re such a couple


	11. 10

Camila isn’t sure how she feels about Thanksgiving.

Since it’s been a while since she was last at home, her mom is going all out with the family time. When Camila isn’t with her mom, she’s looking after her sister, playing board games with her and her dad, and it’s probably the most aggressive family time she’s ever had; even her two dogs, Thunder and Leo, are in on the action. She decides not to broach the topic of going out for a sleepover until the Saturday after Thanksgiving, when she approaches her mother as she’s making yet another turkey sandwich for Sofi.

“Um, hey,” Camila smiles, “so-”

“What do you want, mija?” Sinu asks her, fixing her with an amused look. “I know it’s not money, so what is it?”

“I was wondering if it’d be okay if I went for a sleepover at a friend’s house tonight,” Camila says, choosing her words carefully, because she hadn’t exactly told her mother that she’d reconnected with Lauren. When they’d gotten off the plane, Camila had to wait for her dad, and while Lauren’s mom had offered her a ride, Camila had declined, since her dad was already on his way. As far as Camila’s parents knew, she flew home by herself.

Sinu frowns. “Since when do you have friends in Miami?”

It’s so blunt that Camila laughs. “Wow, thanks for like, indirectly calling me a loser, mami. And, um… I’m going to Lauren’s.”

“Lauren _Jauregui_?” Sinu asks, and Camila can tell she’s wary from her tone. “And why would you be doing that when you haven’t spoken to her for years?”

“Well, um, we actually ran into each other. In LA. She goes to college there, and I bumped into her, and we got to talking again, and…” Camila bites down on her bottom lip, “and I’m kind of falling in love with her all over again, but it’s not… like before. She’s actually happy now, mami.”

Sinu fixes her with a _look_ , and it’s her worried mother stare. Camila just smiles reassuringly. “And you’re sure she’s not on anything?”

“ _Mami_ ,” Camila scolds her, shaking her head, “no, no, her parents sent her to reform school after we fought and she’s away from all of that, she’s actually studying law at UCLA.”

Sinu eyes her for a moment, but sighs. “Well, you are an adult, you can make your own judgements. You can go.”

Camila smiles, pulling her mom in for a hug. “Thank you, mami. I love you!”

She heads up to her bedroom to pack her things, Thunder trailing after her, and then realises she hadn’t even asked Lauren if she could go over. She pulls out her phone and calls Lauren, and when she picks up on the first ring, she’s not even surprised. “Are you just always on your phone? Is that how you always pick up on the first ring?”

 _“No, I have you on bypass, so it always rings on loud when you call me,”_ Lauren says like it’s not the sweetest thing ever. “ _Just in case, you know? Anyway, what’s up?”_

Camila pretends like the words didn’t make her melt completely. “Oh, I was wondering if I could sleep over at your place tonight. You know, like we said on the plane.”

“ _Of course, you’re welcome here any time. Do you need a ride?”_ Lauren asks, and Camila nods, before realising that Lauren can’t see her and answering verbally. “ _Okay. I’ll come pick you up. I’ll be twenty minutes.”_

“You drive?” Camila asks, because she’d never learned, and it’s not like Lauren has a car in LA. “When did you learn?”

“ _Summer between junior and senior year,”_ Lauren says, and Camila hears the chime of keys in the background, _“Get your stuff ready, I’ll be there soon.”_

She guesses that Lauren pulls the phone away from her ear, because her husky voice is distant when she calls out to her mom that she’s going out to pick up Camila. The younger girl starts stuffing the essentials into her backpack, “Thanks for coming to get me. I’ll see you soon?”

“ _You bet,”_ Lauren answers, _“later, Camz.”_

Camila packs her things, deciding that it’s a little too obvious if she conveniently forgets a shirt again, and as she heads into her bathroom to grab her toothbrush, Sinu walks right in without knocking and says, “If she’s picking you up, she’s coming in to say hello.”

Camila knows that _say hello_ is code for _let me judge her accordingly_ , and she just laughs. “What happened to _you’re an adult and you can make your own judgements?”_

“I changed my mind,” Sinu says, and Camila had been expecting something like that. “She’ll be coming in for a drink.”

Camila nods, and finishes packing up her stuff, dumping it by the front door and sitting and watching an episode of _Spongebob_ with her little sister, Thunder perched on the couch next to her, taking up most of her space. It’s almost over when there’s a knock in the door, and while Camila is really into the episode, she doesn’t want Lauren to be immediately interrogated without Camila’s moral support, so she forces herself off the couch and answers the front door as both dogs bark.

Like it’s an automatic setting in Lauren, she falls into a hug immediately, nuzzling her face into Camila’s neck. The younger girl sighs happily, hands wrapping around her waist, and she has a weird memory of doing this before, some other night, when they were both a little drunk, but it’s too blurry to decipher.

Camila kisses the top of her head, and she suddenly becomes aware of her mother watching them and pulls away, sending Lauren a nervous smile. “Hi. You could’ve just texted to say you were outside.”

“Yeah, but that’s hardly polite, just pulling up and whisking you away,” Lauren smiles, fingers weaving through Camila’s, “I have these things called _manners_ , Camz. Also, _hello_ , puppies!”

Ignoring her for the dogs, Lauren pets Thunder first, and bends down to scratch behind Leo’s ears. “They’re so cute.”

“The bigger one is Thunder, the little one is Leo,” She announces as she shuts the front door, and that’s when Sinu advances on them. “Mami, you remember Lauren.”

“Yes,” Sinu replies, ushering Lauren into the lounge. Camila squeezes her hand reassuringly, feeling just how tense she is. “So, what have you been up to since you and Camila had your little… argument?”

“Just… studying, really,” Lauren shrugs, like she hadn’t worked her ass off to get into the college she’s in. “I graduated, and I got into UCLA, and that’s where I’ve been ever since. I’m studying law and forensics, but I won’t get into that, because I tend to nerd out and ramble and everyone else just finds it boring.”

“I don’t think it’s boring,” Camila says, even though she kind of does when it comes to all of the long legal documents she’d seen on Lauren’s desk, “I mean, I like a good serial killer documentary.”

“Yeah, but it’s not all sitting back and watching serial killer documentaries. There’s long legal documents and jargon we have to remember, and some of it makes my brain hurt, but it’s all worth it.” Lauren smiles, petting Leo affectionately, “How have you been?”

Camila almost laughs, because Lauren _knows_ how she’s been, but that’s when she realises she’s talking to her mother, not her. “Oh, we’ve been good. So proud of our little Karla for everything she’s achieved. We have her subscriber plaques up the wall over there – what’s the next one for you to get, mija?”

“The diamond play button,” Camila embarrassedly replies, “you get that when you hit ten million.”

Before Sinu can continue basically bragging about everything Camila has done, like she does to everyone that enters the house, Lauren sends Camila the softest smile and says, “Well, I think everyone knows she’s going to do it. Even if I have to make another 6.4 million accounts just to subscribe.”

“Please do,” Camila laughs, before she blushes, remembering something she’d done back in her early days, “Back in school, when everyone was making fun of me, I actually made some accounts to subscribe to myself so it looked like I had over fifty subs.”

Lauren snickers at the story, squeezing Camila’s hand again, “I subscribed, you know? And commented, on an old dummy account. I’ve technically been your number one fan since the beginning.”

“Trust you to find that technicality,” Camila murmurs, and she’s never wanted to kiss her more than in that moment, but she remembers her mom is there, and blinks, breaking eye contact, “Um, anyway, mom… I think Lauren and I are going to go.”

“It was really nice seeing you again,” Lauren politely says as Camila pulls her up and practically drags her from the room. _She knows_ that her mom had noticed some kind of romantic tension between the two of them, and she doesn’t want her asking any awkward questions in front of Lauren. “Bye puppies!”

Camila grabs her backpack and pulls it over her shoulder, opening up the front door for Lauren. “After you.”

Lauren smiles, and walks out of the door, Camila letting it swing shut behind the two of them. She grabs Lauren’s hand as they walk down the driveway, and the older girl sends her a soft grin. “You weren’t wrong; you’re chivalrous as fuck.”

“Exactly, I’d be the best girlfriend on the planet,” Camila says, and she’s definitely dropping a hint, “Can you believe I’ve only ever been in one real relationship?”

“Yeah, your fans are kind of… passionate about that,” Lauren comments, opening the passenger side door of her car for Camila. Camila recognises the car as Lauren’s parents’ old car, and she guesses they’d handed it down to her once she’d gotten her license. “It’s kind of weird.”

Camila frowns, but she waits until Lauren gets into the car and buckles herself in. “What do you mean, it’s weird?”

She worries that the fans are scaring Lauren off. Maybe Lauren reciprocates her feelings, and she knows how _Camila_ feels, but the fact that her fans are so obsessed with her old relationship is scaring her off. Lauren had straight up _told_ her that she’s still not very open about her sexuality, that she doesn’t like to talk about it, and Camila being a public figure could be the reason why they’re not together, why Lauren won’t make a move.

“I just think it’s a little odd, you know. That they’re so invested in your relationship,” Lauren shrugs, “it’s like… it’s not even their relationship, and it’s _over_. They care about it more than you do, and they treat you like you’re not a real person, constantly tweeting you about it. I understand liking the idea of it and being respectful, but I don’t get aggressively commenting on all of your things, telling you to get back together with your ex.”

Camila knows what she means; it annoys her sometimes, too. She tries to be as nice as she can to her fans, and she knows she’ll never tell them to stop, because it’s not like she’s with someone new, and her fans are the reason she is where she is. “Yeah, I know, but they’re… they mean a lot to me, even if they can be kind of… passionate about stuff.”

Lauren hums as she drives. “I just think that there’s a line between supporting someone and stalking them, and some people… seem to cross that line.”

Camila is quiet for a moment, and she asks what’s really on her mind. “Um… are my fans making you uncomfortable in some kind of way?”

“No, not really,” Lauren shakes her head, “it’s kind of intimidating that you have all of these people looking up to you, but… but it doesn’t make me uncomfortable because it’s never changed you. You’re still just Camila.”

“Well, good,” Camila answers, smiling a little, but her theory that it’s the fans, that Lauren actually reciprocates her feelings, is out of the window. “And a Camila always needs her Lauren.”

Lauren laughs. “Was that supposed to be cute?”

“I think you’ll find it _was_ cute, Lauren Michelle,” Camila retorts, sticking her tongue out at Lauren, but the older girl doesn’t seem to care. “So, let’s talk about juicy gossip.”

“Isn’t that supposed to wait until the sleepover?” Lauren asks. “You’re not getting anything out of me until _then_. We have to have watched at least one iconic movie and be all giggly and playing _fuck marry kill_ when we start to gossip. That’s just how sleepovers work.”

“Well, I’d rather watch _Game of Thrones_ , since that’s kind of our thing now,” Camila says, and she’s happy she’d been watching it with Lauren; she lets her know when a gory part is coming up so Camila can look away, because she’s never been good with blood. There was a particular scene that Camila had peeked through her fingers at, after Oberyn had battled The Mountain, and she thinks she’d almost vomited. “So, tell me, when is Daenerys going to sail to Westeros?”

“Spoilers, Camz,” Lauren smiles knowingly, “You know you won’t get anything out of me.”

Camila just smiles, and without thinking, she blurts out, “Sorry I didn’t call sooner. My mom was kind of intense with the family bonding since I’d been away for a while.”

“It’s okay. I spent some time with Lucy, and obviously Thanksgiving itself was family time, and I was busy helping my mom with the cooking,” Lauren assures her, “it’s probably best you waited until today; yesterday would’ve involved sucker punching someone for a discounted laptop.”

Camila snorts, the mental image of Lauren punching people for laptops more than a little amusing. “Well, all violence aside, did you get a good deal?”

“I did, actually. I needed a new laptop, the battery on mine was really dying, could barely make it through my long days at college,” Lauren replies, and Camila wonders if she actually _did_ punch anybody in the Black Friday madness. “Anyway, I’ll make you my famous hot chocolate when we get back, then we’ll get in pyjamas and snuggle and watch whatever you want.”

“It sounds dumb, but it means something that we’re hanging out here, you know?” Camila says without thinking. “Like, it’s just… nice that I’m going over to your house. I can’t remember the last time I did that; I think it was for your quinceañera.”

“I’m sorry, Camz,” Lauren says, and Camila hadn’t meant it to get her to apologise. “And you know I’m doing everything I can to make up for all of that-”

“I know, I didn’t say it as like, a bad thing,” Camila shakes her head, “it’s just making me really nostalgic, coming over to your house for a sleepover. Besides, you know you’re always going to be like my soulmate, right? My little saviour, my rock, my favourite person to cuddle-”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Lauren cuts her off with a soft laugh as she starts backing onto the driveway, and Camila is hit with another wave of nostalgia at seeing the Jauregui household, “and I get what you mean about the… the soulmate thing. We’ve always just had this connection…”

“I know. I felt it the first day we met, I couldn’t believe that this cute little girl who’d saved me could also speak the same language as me, even if you were a little shaky at it since you were just learning,” Camila reminisces as the engine of the car stops and Lauren pulls her keys out of the ignition. “It was like you were _sent_ to me. All I wanted was someone who could understand me, someone I could talk to, and then you came along with your green eyes and your contraband cookies and made me so happy.”

Lauren snorts a little at the _contraband cookies_ , “Yeah, I always snuck them out of my lunchbox so I could have a snack at break time. I was always really sad when I got to lunch and I realised I didn’t have any cookies, though. Like, okay, idiot, you ate them.”

Camila unbuckles her seatbelt, and follows Lauren towards the front door, watching as she unlocks it. “You were so cute, though. You’d always share your candy with me, I don’t know any kid who’d do that. I certainly wouldn’t.”

“That’s because I didn’t really like sweet stuff,” Lauren laughs, pushing open the front door, “I still don’t. My mom would always pack me two cookies, but one was enough for me.”

“Is it okay if I vlog?” Camila asks as she takes her shoes off; she only does it because Lauren kicks off her Vans before walking further into the house. “I don’t normally do Saturdays, but I barely have any footage since I didn’t vlog my family time, just Thanksgiving itself, and I didn’t do anything yesterday so all I have is me announcing that I’m lying in bed, watching Netflix.”

Lauren laughs. “Sure, you can vlog, I don’t mind. Do you want a hot chocolate?”

“Sure,” Camila says, and as Lauren walks into the kitchen, Camila gets her vlogging camera out and explains to the camera what she’s doing, apologising for not vlogging throughout the week. “And the sweetest human being on Earth is making me hot chocolate. She actually has the best recipe for it, she perfected it back when we were in middle school-”

“Don’t tell them the secret formula, Plankton!” Lauren gasps, “hence the adjective _secret._ ”

Camila laughs, grinning at Lauren instead of the camera. “God, I’m rubbing off on you. Next thing you know, you’ll be memeing yourself.”

Lauren just hums, mixing the cocoa powder into the milk. Camila turns the camera on that, and Lauren quickly puts her hand over the lens, “hey, hey, no filming the top secret process!”

Camila laughs, and turns the camera off, before she decides to be brave and wrap her arms around Lauren’s waist as she puts their mugs in the microwave. She rests her chin on the older girl’s shoulder, and Lauren relaxes in her hold, warm hands coming to rest on top of Camila’s as she waits for the timer of the microwave to go down.

“Are you spending New Year’s here?” Lauren asks, and Camila just shrugs, because she hadn’t really thought about it. New Year’s Eve is her favourite and least favourite holiday at the same time. She loves the concept of a new chapter, a fresh start, but she hates how it’s all about the party scene. She’s been invited to a creator party, but she isn’t sure if she wants to go, or if she wants to stay in Miami and spend it with her family.

Avoiding the question all together, Camila asks Lauren, “What are _you_ doing for it?”

She doesn’t add that Lauren’s answer will probably determine what she does; if Lauren is staying here for a quiet New Year with her family, Camila will do the same, and suggest that _both_ of their families celebrate together, like they did when they were kids.

Lauren shrugs. “Well, I booked my flight back to LA for the 29th because it was cheaper, so I’ll be there for it. Probably just snuggle up with a bottle of wine and hang out with my roommates, but I think they might have a party. If they’re going to the club I’ll go, but I don’t really go to house parties.”

“I haven’t booked any flights back yet, but if you want, you could come to a creator party with me,” Camila offers, already decided that she’ll at least go back to LA for New Year’s Eve since Lauren will be there. “And if you don’t want to go to that, we can just hang out by ourselves…”

“Sure, I’ll go with you,” Lauren replies, and Camila grins; normally, that kind of party is creator only to avoid any rabid fans coming in as ‘dates’, but Camila’s friend Shawn is throwing it, so she can easily bend the rules. “Maybe I can find a cute YouTuber to be my New Year’s kiss. That’ll be a story to tell.”

The words make Camila’s heart constrict, and after a few moments, she blurts out, “Um, on second thought, I’m not sure if I’m allowed a plus one…”

Lauren raises her eyebrows as the microwave beeps and she pulls their drinks out, stirring the quickly. Camila lets go of her, watching as she gets the whipped cream out of the fridge and puts it on the top of the mugs, sprinkling mini marshmallows on top. “I was joking, you know.”

“Oh, wait, I _am_ allowed a plus one,” Camila suddenly announces, “yeah, slipped my mind for a minute, but we’re good.”

“Mhm,” Lauren smiles knowingly, and Camila cringes at how obvious she is. “We’re good. Come on, my room.”

Camila remembers the path to Lauren’s room easily, and when she pushes open the door, she’s surprised at how little it’s changed. When they were younger, Lauren had a few posters of cute boys on her wall, but the only decorations on her walls now are paintings and sketches. Camila particularly likes the sketch of a woman, clearly naked; it’s not detailed, more minimalistic, and Lauren follows her gaze, laughing. “Of course you’d like that one.”

“Hold on,” Camila frowns, identifying the woman in the sketch, “that’s Lucy.”

“Yeah,” Lauren blushes embarrassedly, looking away under the guise of putting her mug down on her bedside table. “She offered to pose for me when I started to get back into my sketching. Told me it was a good idea, that she was happy I was channelling my energy into something constructive, not destructive.”

“Well, tell her she’s hot from me,” Camila replies, flopping down on Lauren’s bed and trying to keep her jealousy hidden. She _likes_ Lucy, and she appreciates that she’d taken care of Lauren when Camila hadn’t been there. She’s just a _little_ salty that Lauren had been more intimate and open with her sexuality with Lucy and not her. “Anyway, are your parents or siblings lurking around at all? It’s surprisingly quiet.”

“Chris is at an extra football practice thing, Taylor is somewhere with her friends, my dad is at his office doing some paperwork and my mom should be lurking around somewhere.” Lauren lists off, lying down next to her on the bed. She turns on her side, and Camila turns too, and they’re so close that the tips of their noses are touching.

Camila sighs, looking into those beautiful emerald green eyes, adoring the bright, happy sparkle in them. She’s always loved how she can tell just how Lauren is feeling from her eyes, and all she can see in them now is complete and total adoration.

She wants to kiss her. God dammit, she wants to kiss her so badly, more than she’s ever wanted to kiss anyone before, but she placates herself by resting a hand on Lauren’s exposed hip where her sweater has ridden up. Her fingers begin trace gentle patterns across the older girl’s porcelain skin, and she hears Lauren’s sharp breath, and she wonders if she’d kiss her back if she just leaned in.

 _Fuck it_ , Camila thinks, but before she can make any kind of move, there’s a knock on the bedroom door. Lauren holds her gaze for a few moments, before she smiles sadly and pushes herself up onto her elbows. “Yes?”

“Is Camila here?”

Camila recognises Clara’s voice through the door, even though it’s been years since she last heard it, and she sits up. Respectfully, she goes to keep a distance from Lauren, but the older Latina just smiles and takes her hand, grabbing her hot chocolate with the other.

“Yeah, she’s here,” Lauren replies, “you can come in, you know.”

Clara pushes the door open, and immediately smiles at Camila. “Oh, you really grew up! You don’t know how happy Lauren was when she told us she was meeting up with you-”

Lauren interrupts her with a sigh. “Well, if I knew you were going to say things like _that_ , I would’ve pretended she wasn’t here.”

Ignoring her daughter’s comment, Clara says, “Lauren’s already told us so much,” and the words are punctuated with a loud groan from Lauren, “she’s mentioned that you’re a _YouTuber?_ I’m afraid I don’t know what that is, but from what Lauren has told me, it sounds amazing.”

“Yeah, it is, honestly,” Camila admits, because she _does_ love her job, “it’s what I love to do, and I’m glad I get to do it. And I think it’s sweet that Lauren’s told you so much.”

She meets Lauren’s gaze, sending her a teasing grin, and the older girl just narrows her eyes at her, mouthing _shut the fuck up_. Camila turns just in time to see Clara eyeing their intertwined fingers, but before she can wave away any suspicion, Clara just smiles encouragingly at Lauren and says, “Well, I’m not sure what you two are doing for dinner. Obviously you’re welcome to join us for leftovers, but you can order something in if you’d like.”

“Thanks, mami,” Lauren says, looking a little green at the mention of _leftovers_ , “but I actually think I might die if I eat any more Thanksgiving food.”

“Same here,” Camila laughs, “I need something greasy. Maybe we could grab McDonalds later. _Ooh_ , or Taco Bell, I need something super trashy.”

“Sounds good,” Lauren smiles at her, and she gives her that look again, the one that makes Camila want to push her against the headboard of the bed and kiss her senseless. “Um, anyway, mami, Camz and I will probably just hang out in here. We’ve got some _Game of Thrones_ to watch.”

“Have fun,” Clara says, and when she heads out of the room, she doesn’t entirely close the door behind her. Lauren rolls her eyes and crosses over to the door, draining her mug and muttering something about how she hates open doors.

Camila picks a few of the half melted marshmallows of the top of her drink, before she takes a sip and smiles. She’d always loved it when it would get around Christmas time, and she and Lauren would have a sleepover and experiment with hot chocolate recipes until Lauren found the perfect one. Even when Lauren stopped believing in Santa when she was nine, she’d kept writing letters and pretending until it all finally clicked in Camila’s head at age _eleven_.

(Yes, she knows she was definitely too old.)

“Need me to take your mug?” Lauren asks, and Camila nods, quickly finishing it off and holding it out. Lauren just smiles fondly. “You didn’t need to down it, you know.”

“I know, it was just so good,” Camila smiles at her, her stomach flipping when their fingers brush as Lauren takes the mug from her. She watches appreciatively as the older girl walks out of the room, and then leans back against the headboard of the bed, wondering why someone always seems to fucking _interrupt_ them.

 **VLOG 41 – THANKSGIVING AND HANGING OUT WITH LERN JERGI (AGAIN)**  
_1,238,964 views_  
Camila Vlogs ---------- SUBSCRIBE: 1.4M  
Published on Nov 28, 2016

“Do you guys want to know a secret?” Camila asks the camera in a hushed voice, flopping down on Lauren’s bed. She pulls the older Latina close, and smiles at their image in the viewfinder. “Lauren here, while she’s first of all the best hot chocolate maker in the world, she’s _also_ the best little spoon in the world, too.”

“Camz,” Lauren whines, pouting at her, “don’t tell them that.”

“What? It’s the truth,” Camila laughs, teasing her, “you’re so good to cuddle. Especially when you go all cute and nuzzle into me. Anyway, I think we’re planning on going to Taco Bell for some good old trashy fast food…”

_[Write a comment…]_

**Lauren Jauregui** Stop calling me Lern Jergi in your titles or I’ll sue you!!!  
   **Camila Cabello** make me bitch  
    **Lauren Jauregui** Don’t call me a bitch, bitch.  
     **Camila Cabello** sure lern jergi won’t happen again ;) bitch

 **Camren Is Real** my heart does a little flutter any time lauren calls camila ‘camz’  
   **Camila Cabello** same here sis!  
    **CamrenUpdates** oh my god camila???????

 **CamrianaGrande** ugh no offence but this is CAMILA vlogs not Camila and LAUREN vlogs why is she in every one of these videos when it’s obvious we fucking hate her

_liked by_ **lucyvives, normani** _and_ **58,374 others  
camila_cabello: **me when lern jergi won’t buy me extra taco bell because i’ve ‘aLreAdY hAd eNoUgH’

 **laurenjauregui:** Interesting the level of disrespect.  
   **laurenjauregui:** AND STOP CALLING ME LERN JERGI!  
    **camila_cabello:** sure thing lern jergi

 **lucyvives:** i’m the mom in the back obviously taking a picture of you to send to her preteen  
   **camila_cabello:** hahahahha i didn’t even notice that


	12. 11

Camila watches back the last of her footage, before getting the video ready for upload, titling it and filling out the tags. She gets it set to upload, making sure it’s on private, and it’s on the right timer to automatically release itself tomorrow.

When there’s a curt knock on her bedroom door, Camila frowns in confusion. Nobody ever knocks in their house, except for Ally, but she tends to just knock as a warning and walk right in. “Um, come in?”

Her bedroom door swings open, and she meets her favourite green eyes, her stomach flipping. Lauren smiles, holding up a DVD case. “I brought your favourite Christmas movie. At least, I hope it’s still your favourite.”

Camila makes herself look away from Lauren and examines the DVD. “ _Elf._ Yeah, it’s still my favourite.”

Lauren smiles, “Good, glad that hasn’t changed. We’re watching it, and now I’m just realising that you probably don’t have a DVD player, because who the fuck _does_ anymore? I don’t even have one. Okay, so, we’ve established that I’m dumb.”

“You’re not dumb,” Camila laughs, squeezing Lauren’s hand reassuringly. “It’s okay, my old laptop has a DVD drive and I still have it, so we can watch it on there.”

At the words, Lauren seems placated. She shrugs her backpack off her shoulders, and Camila just smiles at her, taking her bomber jacket off for her and hanging it up on the back of her bedroom door; she’s trying her best to figure out a way to get Lauren to let her wear her jacket, but she hasn’t figured it out yet.

Eyeing the backpack, she asks, “are you staying over?”

Lauren shakes her head, squeezing her hand before Camila walks over to her closet and searches for her old laptop; she knows she’d stuffed it back here when she’d bought a new one, “No, I just finished class, so that’s why I have a bag with me. I knew that Lucy had a copy of _Elf_ and I remembered it was your favourite movie, so I figured I’d drop by once I’d finished and see if you wanted to watch it with me.”

“How many classes do you have today?” Camila asks, and Lauren yawns as if to signal just how tired she is. “More than one?”

“Mhm, I picked my classes mostly based around the compulsory things I have to take and the schedule they already have. I have a long day on Thursdays, but it’s worth it because I get Fridays free, and I only have one hour on a Monday.” Lauren shrugs, getting herself comfortable on Camila’s bed. “Tuesdays I’m done by one, but I have non-stop classes from nine, and I have two classes on Wednesdays, 9-10 and 10-11:30. Then after that I’m usually working, same on Mondays. And sometimes I do the morning shift on Sundays.”

“Send me your schedule so I know when I can come over and annoy you.” Camila says, finally locating her old laptop and its charger. She walks over to the bed and plugs it in, laughing and adding, “I like that you don’t dispute that I’m annoying.”

“Of course you’re not annoying,” is Lauren’s delayed response, and when Camila opens up the laptop, she gets the DVD out of its case, “after this, we’re watching _A Christmas Carol._ ”

“Wow, festive movie marathon,” Camila grins, taking Lauren’s hand and resting the laptop on her stomach. She _could_ rest it between them, but that would mean not getting to snuggle, and Camila isn’t giving _that_ up. “Come here.”

Lauren smiles, and rolls onto her side, head resting on Camila’s chest. Camila wraps a protective arm around her, and Lauren relaxes into her touch, lacing her fingers through Camila’s once the younger Latina presses play on the movie.

As the movie plays, she absently runs her fingers through Lauren’s hair, and it’s little things like this that take her back to when they were kids. Lauren was always so cuddly back then, and it was like they couldn’t go five minutes without touching each other in some way, whether it was holding hands in the playground or touching knees under the table at lunch. It was one of the things she’s missed, even as she got older and made new friends; she wasn’t even as touchy with her ex _-girlfriend_.

The thing is, it’s not that she’d ever _wanted_ to do that stuff with anybody else. The idea of being so touchy with someone like Dinah or Normani or Ally almost grosses her out, but with Lauren, it’s the complete opposite. Her grip on the older girl tightens as she thinks about how much she’s truly missed her, and how glad she is to have her back in her life.

**2012**

_Camila doesn’t know what’s worse; having Lauren in her life, as toxic as she was, or losing her completely. Right now, it feels like the latter is worse, and she wants nothing more than to pick up the phone, call her and apologise for losing it. A few times, she’d almost done it._

_She knows she can’t. Not if she wants to be happy._

_Lauren had been sucking the life out of her, and Camila needs to stick to her promise; she can’t see her, talk to her, or even think about her. She needs to act like Lauren Jauregui doesn’t exist, like she’s never existed, but she finds herself looking back at old pictures, playing old videos of the two of them when they were kids, even if it makes her feel worse. She sees little Lauren, all bright eyed and smiling, and she wishes she could jump into the video just to warn her against what’s going to happen, in the hopes that it would change things._

_She knows there’s nothing she can do. Lauren has made her choices, she’s chosen her path, and Camila had chosen another. They don’t fit in each other’s lives anymore, and trying to keep Lauren there just because of who she used to be has proven to be toxic. Camila can’t do it anymore; she looks at her, and all she is is a ghastly reminder that she lost her best friend a long time ago. The girl with the bright eyes and the soft smiles is dead and gone, and all that’s left is an empty, toxic shell._

_So, she spends her summer alone, working on her YouTube videos. She doesn’t care that people at school laughed at her for it; it’s something she’s really enjoying, and the people who_ aren’t _trolls from her school are actually enjoying her videos. If she’s being honest, when people were mocking her, she’d made a few dummy accounts and subscribed to herself, just so she didn’t look like a total loser, but now_ real _people are subscribing and telling her that they love the songs she writes, that she has a good voice. Some people compliment her videos where she sits down and talks, and she gets enough comments nowadays to do little Q and A videos._

_(Her favourite comments are from a girl named Michelle, no last name given. They’re always so sweet and encouraging, but since the start of August, she hadn’t commented, and Camila can’t understand why.)_

_She’s a little sad when she starts school again and can’t work on as many videos; she’d been posting twice weekly, but she’d had to drop it down to a single video on Fridays. Her viewers are okay with it, and she’s noticed that the views on her videos are in the thousands, rather than the hundreds._

_She’s been back at school for three days when she realises she hasn’t seen Lauren anywhere. Admittedly, seeing Lauren was the main reason she’d been dreading going back to school, but she’s nowhere to be found. She’s heard some rumours, and they’re scaring her a little, things like Lauren had been arrested, that she’d died of a drug overdose, that she ran away from home, and it all scares Camila a little too much. For the first time since their argument, Camila pushes away her_ no Lauren _policy and checks up on her social medias, but every single account is completely wiped and dead, except for her Instagram. She’s inactive, but there’s one post left up; a picture of the two of them._

 _She doesn’t know what it means, and she doesn’t know why Lauren would keep that picture up. She’d made it clear that she was_ also _done with Camila. The friendship was over, so if she was going to delete all of her posts, why wouldn’t she take that one down, too? It almost makes her want to check up on her, to go over to the Jauregui house and ask Clara or Mike where she is, but she brushes that thought off. She’s not Lauren’s friend anymore, so it shouldn’t matter to her where she is._

_It bugs her for a long time, but she channels all of her energy into YouTube, and when she starts to gain more and more subscribers, it all seems worth it. She feels like her life is finally starting to come together, and she knows that this is what she’s supposed to be doing._

_Over Christmas break, when her mom drags her out of the house for groceries, she swears she sees Lauren’s familiar dark mane of hair, but she sees the girl’s cardigan and skirt and snorts. Even though something is_ telling _her that it’s Lauren, she knows it’s not; Lauren wouldn’t be caught dead like that. So, she turns away from the girl and moves on with her shopping, more focused on getting home to work on her newest video._

**2013**

_Camila gets an email from YouTube, asking her to join their partner system, and the first thing she does is scream. She’d recently hit fifty thousand subscribers, which is crazy in itself, but now they’re telling her she can make_ money _from this?_

 _She signs up immediately, after checking with her mother that it isn’t some kind of scam email, and she generally considers this to be the point where her life really starts. That’s the moment when her hobby became her_ career _. She doesn’t expect much from it, and most of the money she earns goes right back into her videos; the first big purchase she makes is a brand new camera, and it’s so worth the money when she sees the compliments in the comments, telling her that they love the new camera quality._

 _She’s still socially awkward, so she doesn’t have any friends at school, but she’s started talking to a few other people online. The first_ friend _she makes is Dinah; she’s a beauty guru, and Camila is kind of intimidated by her at first. She’s incredibly surprised when she finds out that not only is Dinah the same age as her, she’s a little_ younger _. From her videos, Camila would’ve thought she’s at least eighteen, and she’s so much more successful, and Camila finds it hard to believe that someone as cool as Dinah wants to talk to her._

 _They get to talking properly over Twitter, and she hasn’t clicked with anyone like this before, except for Lauren. It’s refreshing, to actually talk to someone who isn’t her mom, and she tells Dinah everything about her life, about her fight with Lauren, and it’s nice to just_ vent _. Dinah listens, and offers advice, and Camila knows that she’s made a lifelong best friend._

_She hits 100K subscribers just before VidCon, and she gets invited as a featured creator. It seems like she’s meeting the entire 100K fans while she’s there hosting a meet and greet, and she’s ridiculously surprised to find out that some people had flown halfway across the country just to meet her. It means so much, and she doesn’t know how one tiny decision to make an account on YouTube could’ve led to all of this._

_She meets Dinah in person for the first time, when she’s sat awkwardly in the corner at the creator party. Her mom forced her to go; Sinu had travelled down to VidCon to accompany her, and she’d sent her down to the creator party to go and make some new friends. Camila thinks it’s just because her mom wants to read her book and have a glass of wine in peace._

_She’s sipping on a glass of diet coke when a chair across from her is pulled out. “Hey, Mila. Fancy seeing you here.”_

_Camila smiles, but she feels a little awkward. Even though Dinah is the closest thing to a best friend she’s got, all of their interactions had been through a technological barrier. “Hi, Dinah.”_

_“You know you don’t need to be all quiet, right?” Dinah asks, fixing her with a soft smile. “I get that this kind of place isn’t your scene. Do you want to come back up to my room with me and a couple of other people?”_

_Unsure, but wanting to get out of a party environment, Camila nods. “Okay. Thanks.”_

_Dinah smiles, and walks out of the party with her, pushing the button for the elevator. She’s taller in person, but still just as flawless, and Camila is intimidated by the fact that people her age look like that when she still looks like she’s twelve._

_“Oh, um, happy birthday for the other day,” Camila manages to get out, “I know I said it to you on Twitter, but…”_

_“Thanks, Mila,” Dinah smiles at her, “what’d you do for your sixteenth? I had a party with some friends, and I did a subscriber party, too, which was_ so _cool.”_

_“Just… hung out,” Camila shrugs; she hadn’t done anything for her sixteenth birthday. It didn’t seem like a big deal to her, since the fifteenth was always seen as the most important as she was growing up. The main reason she’d ignored her birthday, though, was because Lauren had always promised her that she’d do something amazing for it, but Lauren wasn’t around anymore. “Anyway, um, who else is going to be here?”_

_“Do you know Normani? I know you don’t really watch beauty videos,” Dinah says as they step into the elevator, and Camila nods, because she’s spoken to her a few times, “but she’s really cool. Ally Brooke will be there too, she’s coming up in a few minutes. Just the four of us; I know you’ve spoken to them both a little bit. I’m actually talking about dropping out of school – or, you know, doing online school – and moving up to LA with them. They’re thinking about getting a house; Mani has already started online school and she’s moving out there in a few weeks to live with Ally in an apartment… but we need another roommate for a_ house _, so I suggested you. Once you graduate, obviously.”_

_“You did?” Camila frowns, and Dinah nods. “But… why me?”_

_“Because I know you’re not a psycho,” Dinah teases her, “because you’re my_ friend, _Chancho. You should think about it, seriously. LA is where we need to be if we really want our channels to grow.”_

_She meets Ally and Normani properly when they come up to the room, and Camila starts seriously considering Dinah’s offer. She wants to finish high school first, but these girls are so nice, so she exchanges numbers with them all and promises to come down to LA once they get their housing set up._

**2014**

_She’s seventeen, and she’s so close to one million subscribers. She’s been watching the subscriber count on her channel pretty much religiously, because she doesn’t want to miss the moment she hits it. It’s summer again, and she’s flying out to LA soon to spend some time with the girls, working on collabs; she feels like she’s finally made it when Ally asks her if she can interview her as Yolanda for her comedy series._

_She’s going to VidCon again, as a featured creator, and she doesn’t know when all of this crazy stuff started happening to her, or_ how _people saw something in her, how her viewers helped her get to this point. But even_ more _important than VidCon is the tour she goes on. It’s half meet and greet, half concert, and she’s eternally grateful for it, because she gets to perform her own original songs. She sings_ Inside Out, _the first original song she’d ever posted on her channel, and when she hears the crowd sing it back to her, her heart is so full of love that she cries right there._

_“Thank you for singing my lyrics, for even bothering to watch that video,” Camila says when she’s finished, “the only other time I’ve ever heard those lyrics sung back at me, was when I was fourteen, and people at school found out about my channel. They were using my words to mock me, to belittle me, to try and show me that I’m not good enough, and they could’ve scared me enough to make me quit, to make me delete my channel and my videos and be done with it._

_“But instead it just fuelled me. Their hate made me want to be better, to show them all, and I’m standing right here on this stage because I didn’t give up,” Camila calls out, looking down at the faces of people who support her, who believe in her, “and now I get to hear people sing my lyrics with love, and I’ll never not be grateful for all the support you’ve given me over the years. Thank you.”_

_She hits 1,000,000 subscribers by the end of the year, and group Skypes with Ally, Dinah and Normani to celebrate. Her parents take her out for a celebratory dinner, and as she’s stuffing her face with pasta, two girls walk by the restaurant, one of them eerily familiar. But she ignores that pull, doesn’t even look in the girl’s direction, and enjoys her night with her family._

**2015**

_She’s invited to Playlist Live, and the dates overlap her birthday. She’s featured, and she has to speak on a panel, but by now, she’s almost over how socially awkward she is. It’s harder in more intimate situations, just one on one, but she can speak in front of crowds without wanting to vomit._

_Dinah flies to Miami a few days before the event, and hangs out with her before Sinu drives them both up to Orlando for the event. She’s ecstatic; she gets to miss school and do what she loves for her birthday. It’s the best birthday weekend she’s ever had, and she turns eighteen surrounded by her closest friends, and her subscribers, who she considers her family._

_It’s an amazing weekend, and Camila promises Dinah she’ll come to LA as soon as school breaks up for Spring break, and she begs her mom to let her fly by herself now that she’s eighteen. Sinu agrees, and they book her ticket that night before Dinah has to leave. Her best friend hugs her at the departure gates, “See you in two weeks.”_

_Two weeks later, she’s packing her bags when her phone beeps with a message. She frowns, seeing a Twitter DM, and her eyes widen when she sees the name. Ariana Grande._

_She scrambles to read the message, unable to believe what she’s seeing._

_ Direct Message with @ArianaGrande _

**_@ArianaGrande_ ** _hi camila! i doubt you have ur twitter notifications on but i just wanted to say that i really love your content! saw you were close to 1mil, congrats_

_She blinks down at the message like it isn’t real. Ariana is probably one of the biggest creators on the platform, and Camila still feels like that fourteen year old girl with twenty subscribers. She isn’t sure what to say back, and she screenshots the message and sends it to Dinah, asking what she should do. Once she’s gotten a Dinah-approved response worked out, Camila replies._

**_@Camila_Cabello_ ** _hi i really love your content as well so this is kind of surreal, thank you for the really kind words, i appreciate it a lot_

**_@ArianaGrande_ ** _no problem, I’m surprised ur not at 1mil already tbh  
                              i heard u were gonna be down in la sometime soon if you wanna collab?_

_Again freaking out, Camila sends that to Dinah, and the younger girl tells her to do it repeatedly. Camila knows she has to; the opportunity is too big to pass up, and Camila has been watching Ariana’s videos since she started her own channel._

**_@Camila_Cabello_ ** _yeah i’m so down for that! i’ll let u know when i’m in la and we can get together to brainstorm_

_The brainstorming turns out to be making out on Ariana’s couch, and Camila is relieved that she finally knows what it’s like to kiss someone who means it._

_Ariana is her first real, reciprocated love, and they’re so open about everything that Camila can’t believe she ever tolerated what Lauren put her through. It’s weird, thinking about her again, because she hasn’t thought about her in what feels like forever. She’s finally over things, and she’s happy and in a relationship with someone who is proud to show her off. Lauren finally doesn’t matter to her anymore._

_Her first time is so perfect, just like every time with Ariana is, and Camila has room to grow and explore and learn what she likes. She gets to be herself with Ariana, and she loves her for it._

_Slowly but surely, that initial spark of the honeymoon phase fades away, and so does their relationship. They have an amicable breakup, and the fans take it harder than they do, but it’s like they’ve realised they weren’t supposed to last forever. Maybe their relationship was destined to last for those four months, just contained in that little window of time, a fast and free kind of love. A part of Camila will always love her, but she’s grateful for the friendship they maintain._

_She permanently moves out to LA the moment she graduates. The city itself isn’t Camila’s favourite place, but it’s where YouTube is, and it’s where her friends are, and she feels at home when she’s with them. She works harder than she ever has, and by the end of the year, she’s at 2.5 million subscribers, and happier than ever._

**2016**

_She’s happy. She really, truly is, and she feels like nothing could ruin that. Yet, lately she’s started to notice that she doesn’t feel entirely whole. Like there’s something in her heart that’s missing._

_She knows she’s probably being stupid, because what more could she want? She’s financially stable, she has amazing friends, her channel is at over three million subscribers, and she’s legitimately, genuinely happy. It’s just this little inkling in the back of her mind, like there’s something she_ needs _to complete that picture._

_She’s thinking about it when Dinah’s voice brings her train of thought to a halt._

_“I need some Cheetos or I’m going to kill every single one of you.”_

Camila looks down at the woman in her arms. Lauren is completely engrossed in the movie, like she hadn’t seen it a million times while they were growing up, her fingers absently tracing patterns across the strip of skin on Camila’s stomach where her shirt has ridden up slightly.

She sighs happily, because she doesn’t feel the way she felt that day, right before Lauren walked back into her life. She knows what was missing, because without a doubt, Lauren is her other half. Whether that be romantically or platonically, Camila doesn’t mind, as long as she has her.

 **REACTING TO OLD PHOTOS**  
_4,294,358 views_  
Camila Cabello ---------- SUBSCRIBE: 3.8M  
Published Dec 9, 2016

“Okay, this is me and Lauren in… I would’ve been in second grade, and she would’ve been third grade,” Camila prefaces, smiling at the image, at the childlike innocence in their smiles. “It was school picture day, and we were both so sad that we weren’t in the same class, so every year until Lauren went to middle school, we’d take our _own_ photo.”

They’re hugging; Lauren is smiling so widely that she’s squinting at the camera, arms wrapped around Camila’s tiny waist. They’re both wearing their best little sundresses, and Camila remembers how dirty they’d gotten by the end of the day, when they’d had the bright idea to have a _mudball_ fight, since they didn’t get snow in Miami.

“I know you guys probably want the awkward preteen photos, and don’t worry, I’ve got a lot of those lined up, too,” Camila grins, clicking on the next image and snorting with laughter. “ _This_ is Lauren and I when we were both twelve. I literally look the same, my ass just got bigger. Lauren is adorable, as always, but she’s _tiny_. I never realised how scrawny she was back then. Probably my fault, since any time we’d have dinner, I’d always finish mine in like ten seconds and then look at Lauren until she pitied me and gave me half of hers.”

“God, you guys don’t know how much I wish I’d known _Dinah_ back then, just so I could expose her awkward preteen ass on here,” Camila laughs at the thought, “but I’d rather she didn’t attack me, so maybe it’s for the best... I know that Lern Jergi is my true friend, she doesn’t care if I post her weird preteen pictures everywhere, she still loves me.”

She zooms in on a picture of Lauren, an absolutely gorgeous one from her Instagram, playing _Hannah Montana’s_ True Friend over it, before cutting back to herself. “Alright, that’s all for this week’s video…”

_[Write a comment…]_

**Lauren Jauregui** How many times do I have to tell you that you don’t look twelve! You’re a goddess.  
   **Camila Cabello** say that to my twelve year old face why don’t ya

 **Camren Updates** UPDATE: Lauren and Camila are flirting in the comment above me  
   **Dinah Jane Hansen** they should get a room

 **softcamriana** funny that you’re still friends with lauren now yet she manages to be a beached whale  
   **Camila Jauregui** funny that you’re calling someone else ugly when she’s beautiful and you’re a rat

 **ArianaUpdates** does c not understand that we don’t like lauren lol

_liked by_ **lucyvives, allybrooke** _and_ **93,496 others  
** **camila_cabello:** not five minutes after i took this she sleep-commanded me to 'get the fucking jetpacks ready'... ur so cute lern

 **laurenjauregui:** 🙈  
    **camrenisreal:** please just get married already!!!


	13. 12

Camila realises she looks slightly crazy, walking along the street carrying a tripod and ring light, but she was  _not_  going to pay for an Uber when Lauren’s place is a perfectly reasonable walk from her own house. She’s regretting her decision now, but her mother had practically drilled it into her to avoid unnecessary spending. She’s not too far away from Lauren’s when she sighs, flopping down on a nearby bench, and calls the older girl for help.

Lauren picks up on the first ring, as always. “ _Hi, Camz. Are you on your way?”_

“Yeah, but I’m going to need your help.” Camila replies, but she’s uncertain if Lauren will come to her aid when she tells her what she’s carrying. “I’ve got a little… um, extra baggage than usual.”

Lauren laughs,  _“What, are you planning on moving in or something? Because, I mean, I was going to give you a key, but it was supposed to be a surprise.”_

The words make Camila forget her current predicament. “Wait, really? Lo! That’s so cute, I’m totally giving you a key to my place as well.”

 _“Are you going to tell me what you’re carrying?”_  Lauren laughs at her. “ _Or is that some kind of surprise?”_

“Well, um, it’s some… lighting equipment,” Camila hedges, “and, well, my tripod.”

Lauren is quiet for a moment, and Camila is more than a little nervous for her response.  _“And why are you casually taking them for a walk?”_

“Well, because… I know I didn’t ask in advance, but you’ve been in videos before, and I thought you’d be okay with it,” Camila rambles, “I usually film a… disastrous Christmas baking video around this time, and I wanted to know if… well, I wanted you to be in it. But it’s okay if you don’t want to, I can take all this stuff back home.”

Again, Lauren is silent for a few moments.  _“Uh, okay, sure.”_

“You don’t sound sure,” Camila mumbles, “can we talk about this in person? Either way, I’m going to need help carrying this stuff.”

“ _Be there in… however long,”_ Lauren says, and after a pause where Camila can hear her putting her shoes on, she adds, “ _where exactly are you?”_

Camila looks around, trying to find something as a descriptor, but instead, just sends Lauren her location. “I sent you my location, so I won’t move.”

“ _Okay, see you in…”_  Lauren trails off, and Camila hears tapping as she clearly puts it in her maps app, “ _oh, five minutes. Bye.”_

“Later,” Camila says, and she’s the one who hangs up. She’s a little disheartened that Lauren doesn’t want to be in her video, and for a moment, she wonders if Lauren really  _does_  think it’s stupid after all.

 _She wouldn’t have watched all of your videos if she thought it was stupid,_ Camila tries to assure herself,  _she supports you, it’s got to be something else._

So, naturally, Camila freaks herself out enough that when Lauren gets there, the first thing she says is, “Why don’t you want to be in my video?”

Lauren blinks in surprise, like she hadn’t expected the words. “Um, hi? And it’s not that I don’t want to, I’m just… you know what? No, I’m being dumb, it’s fine.”

Camila frowns at the sudden change of heart. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” and Lauren smiles that perfect smile again, reassuring Camila completely, “anyway, which of these is heavier?”

“The light,” Camila says, and Lauren takes it, nodding in the direction of her apartment building. “Oh, by the way, I have a present for you in my bag.”

“You do?” Lauren frowns. “But it’s not Christmas yet.”

“No, not a Christmas present, just a present,” Camila replies, and she really wants to hold Lauren’s hand, so she’s kind of annoyed at herself for bringing her ring light. She could’ve easily made do with the natural light from the sun. “Just something little, don’t worry.”

Lauren frowns at the words, but she doesn’t comment. “So, your video, you said you do  _baking_? Isn’t that like, dangerous for you?”

Camila rolls her eyes as Lauren stops in front of the door to her building. Instead of rifling around for her keys, she presses the bell for her apartment with her elbow. “Lucy, let me up.”

Lucy’s voice comes through the speaker. “ _What’s the password?”_

“The password is let me in, bitch,” Lauren counters, “seriously, I’m carrying Camila’s light and I don’t want to drop it if I try to get my keys out.”

Lucy sighs.  _“You’re no fun. Fine.”_

The door clicks open, and Lauren kicks it wide open with her foot, walking into the building and pressing the elevator button with her foot, too. “Anyway, how are you? I know I only saw you like three days ago, but… yeah.”

Camila laughs as they step into the elevator. “I’m okay. My last video is doing pretty well, the reacting to old photos one. I was worried it would’ve flopped, because I felt like it was more fun for me to make than it was for them to watch, but I liked looking back at us as awkward preteens and cute little kids. I definitely peaked when I was six.”

Lauren rolls her eyes. “Shut up, you did  _not_. You’ve been peaking your whole life. Your entire life, just one big peak, because you’re adorable.”

Camila sighs at the chosen adjective.  _Adorable_  is something you’d call a puppy, not someone you want to date. “Yeah, I guess, but there’s a difference between being  _adorable_  and being attractive, and I feel like I’m always going to be like that dorky little sister to everyone.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows as they step out of the elevator onto her floor. “Trust me, Camz, you’re definitely attractive. Are you forgetting that you’re literally the person who made me realise I’m bisexual?”

Camila blushes, and hopes that means Lauren is  _still_  attracted to her now. “Wait, really?”

Lauren laughs, putting Camila’s light down to grab her keys from her back pocket. “Yeah,  _duh_. I doubt it would’ve clicked until a lot later if I hadn’t met you. I mean, even when I was trying to convince myself that I was straight, I’d look back and be like  _okay but you literally proposed to your best friend who always made your tummy feel weird.”_

Camila’s tummy feels pretty weird at the words, and she follows Lauren into her apartment, trying to act like she’s not inwardly freaking out. Even though Lauren was always the one to kiss her back then, Camila had always assumed it was because she was high, or bored, not because she actually felt something too. She’d always thought Lauren was prettier than her, and she thinks there’s still that part of her that finds it hard to believe someone as gorgeous as Lauren would see her like that.

Lucy turns around from the dining table as Lauren kicks the apartment door shut, papers spread out across it, and when she sees the lights and tripod, she snorts. “Alright, well, I’m trying to study, so do you guys mind keeping it down while you’re making your sex tape?”

Camila blushes even more, but she occupies herself with taking the tripod to the kitchen and acting like she’s not completely freaking out at the words. She glances at Lauren, and the older girls’ cheeks are tinted pink, which almost mitigates the effect of the glare she’s sending Lucy’s way.

“Sure, as long as you keep it down when I’m trying to murder you later,” Lauren retorts, “I wouldn’t do well in prison.”

Lucy smirks. “Sure, let’s pretend you could take me,  _princess_.”

“Fuck off,” Lauren snaps, and as she walks past, she purposely smacks Lucy on the back of her head, “Oops, sorry, wasn’t looking.”

She doesn’t sound at all that sorry, and Camila just blocks out their conversation, not wanting to have any kind of reaction, but Lucy’s words had given Camila an idea of something she’d like to try out. She makes herself busy, looking for a plug where the light can go, and sets up the tripod nearby, across the kitchen counter. Technically, the camera and tripod itself is in the lounge, while they’ll be working in the kitchen. Then, she gets her camera out of her bag. It’s fully charged, because Camila had planned on bringing all of this stuff over, wanting Lauren to be her festive guest.

She makes sure she has her other supplies; the apron she always wears, and another one she’d bought from the dollar store for Lauren, and two Santa hats. Smiling satisfactorily, Camila puts her camera on the tripod and starts working on the angle. She’s so absorbed in it that she doesn’t notice Lauren walking over until the older Latina touches her hip and Camila jumps about fifty feet in the air.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Lauren apologises, and Camila shakes her head in reassurance, “Lucy’s going out to the library, so we’ll have the place to ourselves. Wednesday is Alexa’s long day at college, and Keana is covering my shift at work, so…”

Camila frowns at the words. “Um… what do you mean, she’s covering your shift?”

“I mean, I think it pretty much explains itself, Camz,” Lauren laughs, “you asked if I wanted to hang out, and I figured it had to be a big deal if you wanted to meet on your filming day, so I asked if she could cover my shift for me.”

“But that’s- you shouldn’t have done that! I can’t- I can’t let you risk your  _job_  for me, and it’s not like- you need to work and I’m- god, I’m a fucking idiot,” Camila feels like slapping herself, “how many hours do you do? Like, in a normal shift.”

“Six,” Lauren answers, not sure why she’s even asking, “why-”

“And what do you get, like, per hour?” Camila asks, and Lauren narrows her eyes, clearly going to tell her not to worry about it, “No, you’re telling me- actually, no, you’re not, and because this is work too, you’re getting however much of the video revenue I decide, no arguing.”

Lauren blinks in surprise. “You don’t need to pay me to hang out with you, weirdo.”

“Well, no, but it’s like- when I collab with someone like Dinah, we make a video on both of our channels, she gets the revenue from her video, and I get the revenue from mine,” Camila explains, “but you don’t have a channel, and you’re putting your time into this, so you’re getting paid for that, not for just hanging out with me.”

“But this  _is_  just hanging out,” Lauren frowns, “we’re just making like, Christmas cookies or something. Doesn’t matter that you’re filming it.”

“Doesn’t seem fair to me that I’ll be profiting off of this and you’re skipping work to be here with me, so…” Camila shrugs, “you’re getting a third of the revenue, deal with it.”

Lauren sighs, and she looks like she’s going to argue with her. “I don’t know-”

“ _Lauren_ , this is my job, even if it doesn’t seem like it, and you’re helping me out at my job, it’s only fair that I pay you,” Camila replies, letting out an exasperated sigh. “I get that you might not feel comfortable taking money from a friend or whatever, but if I didn’t give you anything I’d feel like an asshole.”

Seeing how genuinely stressed Camila feels about it, Lauren pauses in consideration, finally nodding. “Alright, alright, I guess you’ve got a point.”

Camila smiles, and she pulls Lauren in for a hug, sighing happily when the older girl nuzzles into her. “Thanks. Anyway, let’s get this show on the road!”

She pulls away from Lauren and grabs her ring light, checking the image in the viewfinder of her camera. She grins, because she rarely ever gets it perfect in one try, and she turns her camera on, grabbing Lauren’s hand and pulling her back from the counter a little bit.

She sees Lauren watching her expectantly, and after a few moments, the older girl laughs and says, “I’m just waiting for you to switch on like you did last time, it kind of jumpscared me.”

Camila laughs, and turns back to the camera with a grin. “At  _that’s_ going to be my intro for this week, because I hate intros. Like by this point, you all know my name, it’s in your usernames most of the time.”

Lauren snorts. “Wow, fame changed you.”

“Shut up, Lauren Jerkface,” Camila rolls her eyes, poking her in the cheek, and turning back to the camera, “you probably all know Lauren by now too, but if you don’t and you’ve been living under a rock, she’s my favourite person on the planet.”

“Aw, Camz,” Lauren murmurs, wrapping her arms around her waist and snuggling into her, and Camila can’t believe that she’s doing that on  _camera_  when at one point in time she acted like she didn’t know her in public. It’s all little fourteen year old Camila ever wanted. “You’re my favourite person too.”

They look at each other for a little too long for it to be platonic, and Camila knows she’s going to cut that out of the final edit, but definitely keep the footage so she can analyse every second of the way Lauren is looking at her. She doesn’t need to; deep down, she knows what it means, and if she was brave enough, she’d kiss her right now like she so desperately wants to.

Camila is the one to break the look, staring at the camera with a smile, “Um, anyway, you guys all know my Christmas traditions at this point, and I’m in a kitchen, and… well, you know, you read the title. But it’s finally time to do our festive baking, and this time, I have adult supervision! I came over to Lauren’s, half to film with her, and half because I have a feeling Ally has booby trapped the kitchen, so she’ll know if I try to make this  _dangerous_  video. I’m kind of banned from using the appliances at home…”

“I like that you don’t tell me that before I invited you over,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “RIP my kitchen, I guess.”

“Yeah, sorry if there are any harmed appliances in this process, it’s not going to be pretty,” Camila grins, before she reaches down and grabs her bag of essentials. She holds it up to the camera. “In here I have  _the stuff_. It’s essential to the art of cooking with Camila, and no, it’s not just a scale model of an exploded kitchen.”

“First,” Camila announces, pulling out the black Santa hat she’d bought and putting it on Lauren’s head, “a lovely emo Santa hat for Lauren. She never left her emo phase, so I’m just accommodating her needs.”

“Shut up,” Lauren pouts, and Camila’s stomach flips, because she’s so fucking cute. “You never had an emo phase, which means I don’t trust you. It builds  _character_ , Camz.”

“What, learning how to say I love you in dinosaur?” Camila teases her, “sure, yeah, sounds like it builds a lot of character.”

“That’s a scene phase, actually,” Lauren corrects her as Camila pulls out her own Santa hat and puts it on. “Get your phases right, Cabello.”

“Well, either way, this apron won’t fit your dark aesthetic, even though you look pretty soft today in your cute little sweater,” Camila compliments her, before revealing the apron she’d picked up, laughing at Lauren’s expression. “Do you like it?”

Lauren blinks at the apron, not only the bright colours but the fact that it has essentially a  _naked woman_  on it. It’s a cartoon, scantily clad in a red cartoon bra and underwear, and there’s no head, which stops at the neck on the apron, and Lauren knows it’s one of those joke ones, so it looks like  _she’s_  the naked woman, but she can’t believe that awkward little Camila had the guts to actually buy it.

“You’re so- I can’t believe you,” Lauren rolls her eyes, but she takes the apron and puts it on. “Happy?”

“Wow, hot summer bod, Lo, but it’s  _winter_ , put some clothes on,” Camila jokes, but presses a kiss to her cheek, “thanks for playing along with my stupidity.”

Lauren blushes, but doesn’t react to the kiss, “Alright, what stupid apron are you wearing?”

“Oh, my favourite one,” Camila grins, pulling it out and putting it on, “it’s trashy and one hundred percent accurate.”

Lauren looks down at the apron, and it’s so brightly coloured that it hurts her eyes for a moment. At the very front of the apron, written in blaringly bright comic sans, it says  _number one chef_. “Well… I’ll bet Gordon Ramsay didn’t give you that.”

“He actually did, and told me that my signature dish,  _The Camwich_ , was the best thing he’d ever tasted.” Camila jokes. “And  _that’s_  because it’s the dish of the century. I’ll have to make one for you.”

Lauren laughs. “Speaking of making things, do you actually have a recipe for these cookies, or are we just throwing a bunch of stuff in a bowl and seeing what happens?”

“I mean, I do have a recipe, but honestly, that sounds more fun,” Camila announces, clapping her hands and turning back to the camera, “okay, new plan, we’re just going to throw shit in a bowl and see what happens! Hopefully it won’t explode, but if it does, at least it’ll go viral.”

Lauren snorts. “Alright, since you’re clearly the  _number one chef_ , where do we start?”

“Well, I’m going to need you to give me a bowl,” Camila retorts, and Lauren rolls her eyes, getting one out as Camila gets all the ingredients out and lists them off to the camera. Lauren dumps the bowl on the counter in front of her, and Camila waves her arms vaguely at the ingredients. “Pick something to put in. Oh, and we’ll need eggs, I didn’t bring any in case I smashed them.”

“I have those in the fridge, we’ll use… two,” Lauren gets two eggs from the fridge, cracking one on the side of the bowl with one hand, “two seems like a reasonable number.”

“Whoa, you can do it with one hand?” Camila watches in awe as Lauren cracks the other one too. “Wait, didn’t you tell me you can juggle? Do it! With the other eggs, for the danger factor!”

Lauren laughs, but crosses to the fridge and gets three eggs out. She glances at the camera, but feels more comfortable looking at Camila. “Alright, but fair warning, I might drop them.”

Camila watches as Lauren juggles the eggs, staring in amazement. After a little while, she catches them in her hands and puts the unscathed eggs back into the refrigerator. “Wow, you can be like, the juggling detective. Every crime scene you’re scanning for like, evidence or whatever, you can be juggling at the same time and it’ll be like your  _thing_.”

Lauren laughs. “Yeah, I can’t see that as being the most productive way to work.”

“Why’d you learn how to do it?” Camila asks, picking up some flour and haphazardly pouring it into the bowl. “Like, were you seriously that bored?”

“Mhm. Lucy was visiting home for the weekend so I was by myself at school, and I taught myself to juggle.” Lauren snorts. “She came back on Sunday night like  _why the fuck are you just sat there juggling_  and I was just like  _that’s what happens when you leave me alone, bitch._ ”

“I think I’m too clumsy to ever learn how to do that,” Camila says, pouring an aggressive amount of sugar into the bowl and taking the spoon Lauren offers her. She mixes it all up, looking at the weird cookie batter with a frown. “Imagine if we just made the best cookies in existence but we couldn’t figure out how to remake them.”

“I mean, I don’t think that’s going to happen, but we’ll see,” Lauren snorts, “You want a bowl to melt the butter?”

“Yes,” Camila nods, ripping off the lid from the cocoa power and dumping it in, before she realises Lauren doesn’t like chocolate and grimaces. “Oh, sorry, I forgot you don’t like chocolate and I kind of just dumped this whole thing in here.”

“ _You’re_  not even going to like that much chocolate,” Lauren laughs at her, grabbing a little bottle from a cupboard and passing it to her as she walks the butter over to the microwave. “Put that in there, it’s vanilla, maybe it’ll like… balance it out or something? I don’t know, you should text Ally and ask her.”

“Ally is going to be completely traumatised when she watches this video,” Camila grins at the mental image, “you know, it’s funny, I was actually buying her some vanilla when I ran into you at the grocery store.”

“You were?” Lauren sends her a soft smile. “Because if I recall correctly, you were staring at the bananas in a total state of contemplation.”

“Duh, if I’m buying bananas, I’m going to do it  _right_ ,” Camila rolls her eyes, and when Lauren pulls the butter out of the microwave, she pours it into their mixture, along with the vanilla. “I can’t tell if this is going to make cupcakes or cookies. Like, I swear, it depends on the amount of flour, right?”

“Just look at the consistency once you’ve mixed it all together, but it’s looking like cupcakes at the moment.” Lauren points out, “if you want cookies, which was the initial intention, then put more flour in. I think we have some baking soda too, if you want a little bit of that.”

“Sure,” Camila smiles, and haphazardly pours more flour into the bowl. When Lauren puts a little pinch of baking soda, she rolls her eyes. “Come on, be more adventurous than  _that_!”

“Have you ever actually  _tasted_  baking soda? It’s gross, we don’t want that shit,” Lauren crinkles her nose in disgust, and if anything, she looks more disgusted when Camila dumps a load of chocolate chips into the mix and starts stirring. “Ew, gross, double chocolate? Count me out.”

“You’re so weird, I can’t believe you don’t like chocolate,” Camila grins, and addressing the camera, she adds, “literally, she’s a psychopath, guys.”

“Don’t insult me,” Lauren pouts, “I can’t help it that chocolate is gross. Reese’s is nice, but only because the peanut butter cancels out the chocolate for me. Same with the hazelnut in Nutella.”

“Tasteless, Lauren,” Camila tuts disapprovingly, “absolutely tasteless. Anyway, I think this is done now.”

Lauren glances down at the mixture with a grimace. “Looks… lovely.”

It actually doesn’t look  _that_  bad, just really, really chocolatey after all of the cocoa power Camila had dumped in. She wonders if this will actually work, and watches as Lauren puts some baking paper onto a tray for her to spoon some mixture on; it’s sticky, not entirely like dough, and Camila gets a generous amount on the spoon and dollops it onto the tray.

She pushes it off with a finger and out of curiosity, tastes the mixture, cringing at how strong it is; the vanilla hadn’t managed to mask the chocolate. “Yeah, you’re gonna hate that.”

“From the way you say  _going to_ , I guess that means you’re making me try it no matter what?” Lauren raises one of her perfectly bushy eyebrows, and Camila just nods sadistically. “Oh, great.”

“It’ll be good for views, Lo, I can use your disgusted expression as a thumbnail,” Camila grins, grabbing the tray and walking it over to the oven. She puts it in and frowns at the timer. “What time are you thinking?”

“Fifteen minutes?” Lauren asks her, and Camila figures that’s fair, so she nods in confirmation and Lauren sets the timer. Then, she turns to Camila with a smile. “What’s next?”

“Obviously  _not_  clean up, that’s boring,” Camila announces, looking at the camera. “ _We’re_  going to have a dance party while we wait, but for you guys, the cookies will be done in five, four, three, two,  _one_.”

Then, she simply walks across to her camera and pauses the recording, before sending Lauren a soft smile. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Lauren murmurs, “we’re not really going to have a dance party, are we? I think I’m too tired for that.”

“Nope, we’ll just chill out for a little while. Let’s cuddle on the couch!” Camila grabs Lauren’s hand and pulls her over, and the older girl just follows her along, flopping down next to her and resting her head on her chest. “So, are you going to tell me why you didn’t want to be in my video?”

Lauren groans. “I thought you’d forgotten about that, but it’s nothing, I was being stupid.”

“I won’t be offended if you tell me,” Camila assures her, and in a way, she’s hoping it’ll link in with her theory that Lauren wouldn’t be comfortable dating her because of her career. “Seriously, we should be open and honest with each other.”

“I just feel like… like your fans don’t like me, and I’m worried that opinion will… influence you,” Lauren blurts out, biting down on her bottom lip anxiously. “Like, I’ve just seen some…  _things_. And I- I don’t know, I guess I was worried that maybe they’d make up some kind of lie but then it’d eat away at your anxiety and then you’ll just end up dropping me again, but this time it wouldn’t be… necessary.”

Camila blinks in surprise, and unfortunately, she knows what kind of comments Lauren is talking about. Most of her viewers have been so sweet, and even though she’s nervous that the shipping would make Lauren realise that she  _likes_  her, she definitely prefers that to some of the awful things she’s had to delete. There’s a specific group of fans, the ones that are especially passionate about  _Camriana,_ that have been posting some totally out of line things. She’s blocked a few of the key insults they tend to use, but it doesn’t stop them from getting around it. 

“Nothing they could say would influence my opinion of you. I know you, they don’t, that’s that,” Camila shrugs, knocking Lauren’s Santa hat off so she can run her fingers through Lauren’s hair, “Hate kind of… comes with the territory of my job, unfortunately, and I think fans sometimes forget that I’m just a person like them. It’s not all of them – like, ninety-five percent are super respectful – there’s just a specific group of shippers that won’t like  _anyone_  that they see me have any kind of chemistry with. Like, my friend Shawn and I did a collab, and the shippers attacked  _him_  even though  _I’m the gayest person on the planet_. He didn’t care, because he’s a YouTuber, he’s used to ignoring hate, and I know that you’re not and it’s not something you’ve had to deal with, so I get it if you don’t want to be in any more videos.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to film with you, I do, because I see how happy it makes you and I  _like_  that, I like knowing that it makes you smile to film with me,” Lauren sits up, meeting her gaze for a moment, “it’s just that I’m not exactly comfortable with it when people are… are commenting negative things just to be mean.”

“Lauren…” Camila pulls her close again, kissing the top of her head. “You’re  _too_  good for like, the whole entire planet, so fuck what anyone else thinks. You’re on a completely different level,  _princesa_. Besides, a lot of my fans kind of adore you, if you’ve seen the… the  _other_  side of things.”

Lauren doesn’t comment on the last part, just blushes at the pet name – Camila had a feeling she liked that from Lucy teasing her – and snuggles up to her sighing. “Okay. I’ll try not to think about it.”

“Good,” Camila smiles, “because you’re my person, you know? Two halves of the same soul.”

Lauren hums. “Yeah. I know.”

They stay like that, just enjoying each other’s presence, until Camila finally yawns and sits up, announcing, “Okay, if we don’t get up, I’ll fall asleep and our creation will burn to a crisp.”

“Okay,” Lauren says, and she pushes herself from the couch, stretching. Her shirt rides up, and Camila gets a glimpse of the soft porcelain skin of Lauren’s tummy, and she kind of wants to push her back onto the couch and kiss her senseless.

She restrains herself, however, standing and following Lauren back over to the kitchen. “Do you want to just keep the leftover flour and stuff? I really can’t be bothered taking it back home when I’ve got my tripod, camera, lights and all my overnight stuff too.”

“Sure,” Lauren shrugs, uncaring, grabbing the bowl and spoon and quickly rinsing them both. Then, she plugs up the sink and lets the basin fill up, pouring a generous amount of dish soap in there. “I’ll just do this, I know you hate washing dishes.”

“It’s definitely my least favourite chore,” Camila agrees, grabbing some paper towels and the antibacterial spray. “I’ll clean the counter?”

Lauren snorts. “I’m surprised you’re offering to clean anything at all.”

Camila rolls her eyes and starts to clean, and once Lauren finishes up washing the dishes, she puts the baking supplies away. As she’s reaching up to the top cupboard, Camila gets a little distracted, and she doesn’t even realise she’s staring until Lauren laughs. “I can feel you staring at me, you know?”

“Well, I can’t help it if you’re distracting me,” Camila rolls her eyes, and Lauren turns and meets her gaze with a lopsided smile, “you’re just so pretty. I might be the reason you realised you were bisexual, but  _you’re_  the reason I realised I’m gay, so…”

Lauren sucks in a breath at her words, her cheeks tinted a faint pink. “Oh, really?”

“Really,” Camila mumbles, pulling her close and brushing a loose strand of hair from her face, “you’re like, the most gorgeous person on this planet.”

Lauren’s lips curve up in a soft smile, and Camila wants nothing more than to kiss her. She almost does, ignoring the fact that Lauren isn’t  _hers,_ that they’re best friends and she shouldn’t push it. They’re so close that Lauren’s lips are almost brushing hers when the oven beeps, telling them that their cookies are done.

Camila jolts away from Lauren, but she swears she hears the older girl mutter  _are you fucking kidding me?_ Camila has to agree with her, but it gives her hope that Lauren wants her to kiss her. 

Lauren doesn’t meet her gaze as she goes to get the cookies out of the oven, and Camila quickly turns the camera on, trying to compose herself. She clears her throat, and announces, “Okay, so, um, our amazing baking creation is finally finished! My assistant, Lern Jergi, will be bringing the cookies over here for us to taste test!”

“Stop calling me Lern Jergi,” Lauren replies, but it’s definitely half-hearted and forced, and Camila wonders if she’d made her  _uncomfortable_. She wants to apologise, but she can’t bear having  _that_  on camera, so she forces a smile as Lauren puts the cookies in front of her. “They’re  _huge_.”

“Hell yeah,” Camila grins, because Lauren sounds a lot more animated, “anyway, we have one last thing to do. These are supposed to be  _festive_  cookies, and they don’t look very festive, so I have that edible paper stuff and some squeezy icing. The paper has like, Santa pictures on, so we’ll just stick some icing on the cookie and then put the Santa things on top.”

Camila picks a cookie off the tray, wincing a little at how hot it is, dropping it directly on the counter. “Ouch. Okay. Maybe we should wait for a few minutes.”

Lauren hums, and grabs a fork, carefully peeling a second cookie – the smallest of the whole batch – off the pan and setting it down on the counter next to Camila’s. “I have a strong feeling this is going to make me puke.”

Camila laughs. “Can I film it?”

At the joke, any kind of tension between them dissipates, and Lauren pulls a disgusted expression, shoving her playfully. “ _No_ , you can’t film it, you weirdo.”

“Dammit, we could get at  _least_  a million views from that, Lo,” Camila rolls her eyes, “then again, you puking might make people click out, and I need that watch time, so… maybe not.”

“Can we stop talking about puke, please?” Lauren’s nose crinkles in revulsion. “Entertain us all with a lovely story.”

Camila pauses in thought, leaning against the counter. “I don’t know, suddenly I’ve forgotten every single story I know. You tell me something.”

“Um…” Lauren hums, and as she thinks, her teeth drag across her bottom lip and Camila wants to push her up against the counter and kiss her, but she doesn’t dare with the camera on. “I don’t know… one time…. One time when I was little, I was wandering around the playground, kind of bored, because my friends were playing tag, and I  _hated_  that game, because I wasn’t fast at running so I always got caught and then I’d never be able to catch anyone to tag them back. But anyway, I was busy sulking, and then…”

Camila has a strong feeling she knows where this story is going. “Then what? You were eaten by a shark?”

“ _No_ ,” Lauren laughs at her stupid joke, “Then I saw this asshole  _kid_  making fun of a tiny little girl, just because she couldn’t speak English as well as everyone else, so naturally, me being a badass, I’m like,  _I’m going to help her!_  So I run over there and stand up to the boy, and he runs away like a  _wimp_ , and I turn around, and there she is. The most amazing person I’ve ever met. Karla Camila Cabello Estrabao.”

Camila blushes, pulling Lauren in for a tight hug. “Thanks for being my little protector.”

“Anytime, anytime,” Lauren grins, flexing her bicep. “These guns never sleep.”

Camila bursts out laughing. “Yeah, let’s pretend you’re not a little softie.”

“Shush, don’t tell your subscribers!” Lauren stage-whispers, before she flashes that adorable toothy grin, her green eyes so bright. “Anyway, we should be able to handle the cookies now.”

Camila manages to tear her gaze away from the older girl, and she grabs the squeezy icing, putting a generous amount on her cookie. She rips off one of the little Santa pictures and presses it on the top. “Hold on, I’m going to use my phone and get a little close up of this masterpiece.”

As Lauren decorates her cookie, she cringes. “Are you  _sure_  you want a close up of this?”

“Yeah, mostly to annoy Ally,” Camila laughs, grabbing her phone and zooming into the cookie on the camera. “And  _this_  is what I call… the festive quintuple chocolate delight! The recipe won’t be in the description because I don’t know what it is.”

Lauren laughs. “And you  _wouldn’t_  want to taste it anyway.”

“Even though we have to,” Camila reminds her, and Lauren lets out a loud, irritated groan. “Nope, no getting out of it, Laur! You knew what you were signing up for!”

“I mean, I  _didn’t_ , since I had no idea you wanted to  _film_  when you asked to hang out,” Lauren laughs, “and then you just announced we were baking and made me go along with it, so-”

“ _Psh_ , no I didn’t,” Camila looks at the camera, making the universal  _she’s crazy_  gesture, “Lauren doesn’t know what she’s talking about, she hit her head earlier and she’s all confused, I definitely  _didn’t_  force her to film with me.”

Lauren shakes her head, smiling fondly. “Alright, let’s just taste the stupid cookies.”

Camila smiles victoriously, and grabs her own cookie, taking a large bite and chewing. At first, it’s okay, and the cookie itself is actually quite crispy, but when the taste hits, she pulls a disgusted face and yells, “Where’s the trash can!?”

“Over there,” Lauren points, laughing, still holding her fully intact cookie in her hand as Camila spits hers out, “Not good, then?”

Addressing the camera, she frantically announces, “ _Nobody_  try to recreate that.”

She eats a handful of leftover chocolate chips to get the taste out of her mouth, and Lauren grabs a bottle of water out of the fridge. “Alright, I’m prepping for this.”

“Bite it,” Camila orders once she’s recovered, “come on, I did it.”

“And your reaction made me want to try it  _less_.” Lauren points out, but looks down at the cookie, meets Camila’s expectant gaze, and sighs. “Fine.”

She bites into it, immediately cringing at the aggressively chocolatey flavour. Camila laughs at her reaction, and she practically sprints to the trash can and spits it out. “What? You don’t like my amazing baking?”

“Nope,” Lauren replies, taking a big gulp of water and shaking her head. “Disgusting. Did you put the entire thing of cocoa powder in there?”

Camila smiles sheepishly. “Yep. I thought it’d be nice, but… I’ve never been a fan of dark chocolate. What’re we going to do with the rest of the batch?”

At the question, Lauren smirks rather evilly. “Leave them here. Like I said, anything left in the kitchen is a free-for-all, and I’m a  _little_  salty that one of my roommates ate my leftover pizza. So… they can enjoy your festive chocolate delight or whatever you called it.”

“Lauren Michelle, so devious,” Camila grins, “I  _love it.”_

Lauren laughs, “That’s what they get when they steal  _my_  leftovers.”

“Evil genius. That’s hot,” Camila comments, and she doesn’t give Lauren chance to reply as she leans forwards on the counter and announces, “so, that’s it for this week’s video! Leave a like if you enjoyed it because it really helps me out, subscribe if you’re new, I’ll leave Lauren’s social media links in the description along with mine, you should follow her, she’s the best, and… that’s it.”

“You didn’t tell them to leave a comment,” Lauren reminds her, “I thought you were supposed to be a professional.”

“God dammit,” Camila laughs, throwing an arm around Lauren’s shoulder, “I’ve been doing this for  _how_  long? Yeah, leave a comment down below telling me… about the best thing you’ve ever baked. That’s all from the five star kitchen at  _Chez Lauren,_ and I will see you all next week with another video. Bye.”

After her goodbye, Lauren rests her head on Camila’s shoulder. “That was actually kind of fun.”

Camila smiles as she leans forwards to turn the camera off. “You’re damn right it was.”

 ** **FESTIVE BAKING 2016 FT LAUREN JAUREGUI****  
 _4,401,384 views_  
Camila Cabello ---------- SUBSCRIBE: 3.8M  
Published Dec 16, 2016

“That was actually kind of fun,”

Camila flashes the camera the brightest smile before her end card pops up on the screen. “You’re damn right it was.”

_[Write a comment…]_

****Ally Brooke**** I think I had an aneurysm while watching this.  
 ** **Camila Cabello**** that was the goal!!!

 ** **camila jauregui**** no that moment at the end where lauren rests her head on camila’s shoulder im-   
 ** **Camren Is Real**** THEY’RE SO IN LOVE  
 ** **camrenjauregui**** i will go down with this ship

 **ariana cabello** fuck this why can't C understand that we don't want lauren in EVERY VIDEO

_liked by_ **camila_cabello, lucyvives** _and **7,934 others  
**_**laurenjauregui:** I just ate the grossest cookie ever, here’s an old broody pic to show how annoyed I am about it. It’s all @ **camila_cabello** ’s fault.

 ** **camila_cabello:**** shut up i tried my best!!!  
 ** **laurenjauregui:**** You literally threw random ingredients in a bowl just to see what happens…  
 ** **camila_cabello:**** yes but i did it with LOVE and CARE

 **alexaferrer:** wow nice lipstick did u get it at hot topic?  
    **laurenjauregui:** Didn't I kick you out of the apartment two weeks ago?  
     **lucyvives:** hah roast her lo  
      **alexaferrer: @lucyvives** you're no better you LEGITIMATELY bought a shirt from hot topic two days ago  
       **keanamarie_:** **@lucyvives** Exposed

 ** **laurencabello:**** no you’re so hot if you’re not dating camila will you date me???


	14. 13

Camila is walking past the front door at just the right time, because there’s a loud knock, and she sees Lauren’s familiar outline through the glass. Her stomach flips; she loves that they have impromptu hangouts again, it reminds her so much of when they were younger and all they had was each other.

(Technically right now, that’s kind of the case. They’re back in Miami for Christmas, and Lauren is Camila’s only friend back here.)

She tucks the present she’d forgotten to give her into her back pocket and pulls the door open with a smile. “Hey there. What’s up?”

“I was wondering if you wanted to go for lunch.” Lauren says, rocking on her heels and running her hand through her hair, two nervous ticks. “It’s okay if you’re busy, I’ll just go entertain myself.”

Camila is grateful she’d bothered to get dressed that day, and she nods, slipping on her shoes and grabbing her keys and wallet. “Of course, let’s go.”

Lauren hums, and walks her to her car, opening up the passenger side door to let her in. “I know a cute little café we can go to. I was in the mood to get out of the house and there’s a couple of things I needed to talk to you about.”

“Oh, okay,” Camila nods, getting in the car and trying to act like she’s not nervous for whatever Lauren needs to talk to her about. “Did you see how well our video did? It’s actually turning into one of my most viewed, I think. My coming out video is like, literally thirty seconds long and it’s the most viewed video on my channel, so I’m glad something with a little more substance is getting up there too.”

“That’s actually one of the things I need to talk to you about,” Lauren tells her, and Camila frowns. Did Lauren need her to take the video down or something? “Don’t worry, it’s not really to do with the video itself… I’d just rather wait until we’re sat down to talk about it.”

“Okay,” Camila is more than a little confused, but lets Lauren keep whatever she needs to keep a secret as they drive. They end up parking outside a little café that Camila has never been to, and she gets out of the car, following Lauren in. “I don’t think I’ve ever been here before.”

“I didn’t think you would’ve,” Lauren says, pulling her over to a table by the window. She pulls the chair out for her, and Camila wonders if the talk they’re going to have is about _the shipping_. “Um, anyway-”

“Lauren!” Camila doesn’t know whether to be relieved when a girl around their age walks over, pulling Lauren in for a hug. As Lauren sits down, the girl shoots Camila a look, and for a moment, the younger Latina is a little _defensive._ Who the hell is this girl? And why doesn’t she _know_ her?

“Hey, Vero,” Lauren smiles as she sits down, and the girl passes Camila a menu. “You know what I’ll have, but Camz will need a few minutes to decide, I think.”

“Cool. Lucy told me you’d be coming down today,” Vero says, and she sends Lauren a look Camila can’t decipher, “she didn’t say you’d have company.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry, manners,” Lauren seems to scold herself, “Camila, this is Vero, she’s Lucy’s girlfriend. Vero, this is Camila, my…”

Lauren seems to taper off, trying to think of a decent descriptor for Camila, and while Camila is still a little socially awkward, she forces herself out of that headspace and smiles, finishing Lauren’s sentence for her. “Best friend and ten-year fiancée, at your service.”

Lauren blushes at the joke, and at Vero’s raised eyebrows, she announces, “I, um… I proposed to her when we were nine…”

Vero laughs. “Well, I admire your commitment. I’ll be right back, give you a few minutes to decide.”

As she walks away, Camila looks to Lauren inquisitively, “Lucy has good taste. How long have they been together?”

“Almost a year. Vero goes to Stanford, so there’s a little bit of distance throughout the school year, but they’re both from Miami, so…” Lauren trails off with a shrug, “anyway, pick something on the menu. I highly recommend the chicken club sandwich.”

Camila browses the menu, her heart feeling a little lighter now that Lauren has seemed to perk up. She eventually just decides to get what Lauren is getting, and once Vero has taken her order, she smiles across the table at the older girl. “So, what do you want to talk to me about?”

“Well, um, there’s two things,” Lauren says, and she’s a little quieter again, less excitable and bright, “the first thing- um, I think you might’ve messed up? I was checking my bank balance last night because my parents like to know what I’ve got, and- well… you transferred me _ten thousand dollars_ , and I was like _what the fuck_ , and I figured it was important to talk to you in person-”

Realising what Lauren is saying, Camila laughs, shaking her head, “oh, no, I didn’t mess up, that’s what I meant to send you. I made like just over thirty grand from our video, a third of thirty is ten, and I said I’d give you a third. You kind of deserved it after I made you eat that cookie.”

Lauren stares at her expressionlessly. “You _meant_ to send me ten thousand dollars?”

“Yeah,” Camila says, laughing at the way Lauren says it, “like I said, I told you I’d give you a third-”

“I thought that’d be like- like a _hundred_ bucks at the most!” Lauren blurts out, looking at her in shock. “You know I can’t accept this, right?”

“Well, I’m not accepting it _back_ , so unless you want it to turn into _War of the Bank Transfers_ , you’re keeping it. It’s a third of the revenue, and I told you that’s what I was giving you.” Camila easily reassures her, reaching across the table to squeeze Lauren’s hand. “Put it towards your tuition or something. Or we could go on vacation together! When’s your Spring Break-”

“I can’t take ten thousand dollars from you,” Lauren interrupts her, and she looks so serious that it makes Camila’s smile drop, “I didn’t earn it, I can’t take it-”

“By that logic, I didn’t earn the other twenty,” Camila cuts in, “we were both in the video for an equal amount of time, the only thing I did that you didn’t was editing. Therefore, we both benefit. Got it?”

Lauren sighs, running a hand through her hair. “I don’t know if I can accept that.”

“Just stop being dumb and take the money that you _earned_ , okay?” Camila squeezes her hand across the table. “I know it seems like a lot, but just… take it, okay?”

Lauren looks like she wants to keep fighting, but Camila sends her a warning look, and after a few moments of stalemate, she nods. “Okay. Okay, _fine_.”

“Good,” Camila smiles brightly, letting go of Lauren’s hand and pouring herself a glass of water from the jug on the table. “Alright, what was the other thing you needed to talk to me about? You said there were two things.”

“Oh, this one is just… trivial,” Lauren replies, “are we still going to that New Year’s Eve party?”

“Yeah, if you still want to go,” Camila shrugs, “I wouldn’t be going if it wasn’t for you, I’m not a party person.”

“Then we don’t have to go,” Lauren says, and Camila smiles, because she could’ve easily predicted that response. “I’m fine having a relaxing night in.”

“I know you are, but I want to go too, I just wouldn’t go by myself,” Camila tries to explain, “it’s like my one party per year. Then I’m done.”

“Okay, well, I was wondering what I should wear? I think you said like, smart casual before, right?” Lauren frowns as if she’s trying to bring the memory to the surface. “I don’t know… what I’ll wear, probably just my black dress-”

“Don’t stress about it, okay? You could show up in a trash bag and you’d still look absolutely beautiful.” Camila smiles, and when she sees the blush on Lauren’s cheeks, she wants to kiss her, but she settles for squeezing her hand again. “I’m going to have to worry about looking like a troll next to you.”

“You could never,” Lauren assures her, “I’ve always thought you were gorgeous.”

“Dammit, Lauren, stop flirting with me,” Camila jokes, and Lauren lets out her obligatory laugh, but Camila can see that she looks a little awkward. “So, anyway, tell me about your classes! We always talk about my channel, I want to hear about you.”

Lauren brushes her off. “It’s… it’s boring to most people.”

“Tell me your favourite part of the last semester. How did your finals go?” Camila asks, but realises she probably doesn’t know yet. “Well, you probably don’t have the results yet, but how do you _think_ they went?”

Lauren blinks a little at the aggressive questioning, but shrugs. “I think they went okay. I’m always kind of hard on myself around finals time, so I get super paranoid when I think about how the exams went, because I’m like _what if I read the question wrong?_ And all these other _what ifs_ and it’s just… not good for me to think about. I was more stressed than usual because I tried not to smoke, since I know you don’t like it-”

Camila’s stomach flips. “You stopped smoking completely?”

“Well, no,” Lauren shakes her head, “but I noticed I was using it to cope with college stress, and it’s kind of like… similar to before, even though that was… um, worse. Much worse. I only smoked once this exam season, like, two nights before the exam I was really stressed about. It was contract law, it’s a compulsory module and we touched on it back in freshman year and I _hated_ it, and then I saw I had a whole ass module on it for first semester this year and I wanted to cry.”

“Well, at least… you know, you’ve got it all out of the way now?” Camila tries to comfort her, “And I’m proud of you for cutting down on the smoking. But yeah, tell me about… you know, parts of college that _don’t_ make you want to cry.”

Lauren laughs, but pauses when Vero brings them their food. She thanks her, takes a bite of her sandwich and hums in satisfaction. “That’s _damn_ good. Um, anyway… I like all of the criminal law stuff especially. There was this class we had like... a year and a half ago? It was basically like the crime and punishment stuff I did back in high school, but way more in depth. I just love seeing how the system sort of… evolved from those old timey, weird medieval punishment methods.”

Camila swallows her bite of sandwich and asks, “Like the stocks?”

“Kind of, there were a lot of things like that. I mentioned this when we were watching _Game of Thrones_ , when Arya first gets to Harrenhal and the Tickler essentially like, puts a starved rat in a bucket and lets it eat through the prisoner’s chest, but that was a legit thing that they used to do. People were pretty brutal about crime way back then,” Lauren explains, “there are a lot of things like that, like the obvious hanged-drawn-quartered thing, but there were quite a lot of punishments that were designed to humiliate the criminal. The stocks were one of those methods, but there were things like crime-specific badges, which the criminal had to wear for life, um… _oh_ , the ‘scold’s bridles’, for ‘women who ran their mouths too much’. They looked pretty terrifying, and some of them had spikes to stop the wearer from talking, but most of the time they were just used for humiliation.”

Camila takes a sip of her water, loving the way that Lauren is so lit up and animated, even if the subject is pretty brutal. “What’s the… _weirdest_ one? Like, that you’ve ever heard of.”

Lauren pauses to think, taking a few bites of her sandwich, when the answer seems to come to her. “It honestly sounds so stupid, but if an _animal_ committed a crime, they were occasionally given a criminal trial. Like, not the owner, the animal itself. Like, if a pig mauled someone, they’d give it a trial.”

Camila snorts. “How would that even work? Does the pig get a lawyer?”

“No idea,” Lauren laughs, “though I don’t think lawyers were really a thing back then. Nine times out of ten it was kind of similar to _Game of Thrones_ where it’s left up to fate, or, you know, _God_.”

“Okay, and I know we’re eating so it’s kind of gross,” Camila prefaces, “but what’s the most brutal one you’ve ever heard of?”

“Well, a lot of the most brutal things are the torture methods,” Lauren says, before she seems to assess the sentence that just came out of her mouth and starts laughing, “oh, wow, this is such a good topic for a civilised lunch.”

Camila rolls her eyes, “Would you rather we talked about boring stuff like the weather? Hell no, tell me all about these lovely torture methods.”

Lauren laughs. “Alright then. Um, well… the most brutal _death_ penalty is probably the version of hanging where they like, hang you in a cage, not high enough for it to snap your neck like immediately, but so you’re just like, slowly choking to death. And bonus, you’re locked _in_ the cage, totally naked, without food or water, so they’re basically combining their two favourite things; public humiliation and brutal death!”

“Sounds pretty torturous,” Camila comments, stealing a French fry from Lauren’s plate since she’s finished her own, “Is that the worst one?”

“Oh, no, the worst one I’ve ever really heard of is like, this thing based off a French proverb, ‘to eat an anguish pear’. It was basically- um,” Lauren cuts herself off with laughter, “they took it literally, apparently. So… like, there was this pear shaped torture device that was essentially- um… _inserted_ in the normal downstairs part for women and the… back downstairs part for men… and um, it would like… be gradually _opened_ into little spikes.”

Camila cringes, thankful that she’s already wolfed down her lunch, because that would definitely put her off. “What the fuck would someone _do_ to deserve it?”

“Well, you and I would probably get it,” Lauren laughs, and Camila looks horrified. “Homosexuality was the main crime, but it was also reserved for prostitutes, witches and those who didn’t outwardly show pain at the other torture methods.”

“Oh my god, not only am I gay, I also have magical powers!” Camila mock gasps. “I wouldn’t have survived back then. No way in _hell_.”

“I don’t think there’s a single person in modern day society who _could_ ,” Lauren shrugs, “so, you know, we might get called a few names for being into girls, but at least you’re not getting a spiky metal pear shoved up your pussy.”

Camila chokes on the water she’s drinking, “ _Lauren_ , is that _really_ any way to talk in a _restaurant_?”

Lauren cracks up at her reaction. “You asked me!”

“That’s going to be my new thing, whenever someone is complaining. _At least you’re not getting a spiky metal pear shoved up your pussy._ Oh god, _no_ ,” Camila tries to get the mental image out of her head, “tell me another funny one! I need to- stop thinking about that.”

Lauren hums in thought, finishing off her sandwich. “Well, being drunk was actually considered a crime back then. Since they were big on public humiliation, anyone who was seen as drunk and disorderly had to wear ‘The Drunkard’s Cloak’. It was essentially a barrel with a head hole and leg holes, and the drunkard would have to walk around town while everyone laughed at them.”

Camila snorts. “I mean, that _is_ kind of funny.”

“I just find it interesting that like, back then, crime and punishment was a _big_ form of entertainment. Like, people would go to watch public executions like it was just a normal thing, and they would enjoy them. There’d be lines to get the best views, and almost always like, a _carnival_ kind of atmosphere,” Lauren says, “and while it’s obviously different now, most people are still pretty fascinated with like, the better known sides of crime and punishment, and you see documentaries about serial killers and kidnappings. While our fascination is in a less… you know, in a morbid kind of way, we’re still so invested in it all.”

“And you see it on _Game of Thrones_ ,” Camila grins, nudging Lauren’s foot under the table with her own, “there’s like a whole ass crowd at the end of season one for _that_ public execution, and I’m still too hurt to talk about it.”

“Exactly, yeah. I honestly think that’s why I like the show so much,” Lauren admits, “it draws on a lot of those old punishment methods, so I get to kind of… nerd out while nerding out.”

“Speaking of _Game of Thrones_ , you know I mentioned last week that I had a present for you?” Camila prefaces, “I forgot to give it to you.”

Lauren frowns. “I thought the present was that Santa hat and stupid apron.”

Camila laughs. “No, no. It was something I saw like, a few days before. I wanted to buy it for you.”

Lauren watches confusedly as she digs into her back pocket. “I hope you didn’t spend a lot of money on me.”

“No, no,” Camila shakes her head, holding out her own keys, “look, I still have that little Stitch keychain you bought me at Disney. And I figured, wow, I never repayed her for that.”

Lauren laughs. “You don’t have to repay me for a keychain I bought you… what, like, _five_ years ago?”

“Shut up, you’re ruining my speech,” Camila laughs, “ _so_ , I saw this in a store, and I knew I had to buy it for you, especially after seeing how naked your keychain is. Like, you just have two different keys on there? Loser.”

She holds it out, and it’s in a little box. Lauren takes it, and her face settles into a smile. “Daenerys Targaryen?”

“Mhm. It’s a mini, keychain version of those Funko Pops,” Camila says, “I saw it in the store and I couldn’t resist. You obviously needed some keychain decoration, so... who better than the Mother of Dragons?”

“Camz,” Lauren sends her that adorably toothy grin, “thanks! I’ll put it on as soon as I get home, my LA keys are in my bedroom.”

“You’re welcome,” Camila smiles, and when Vero comes over to take the plates, she makes sure she asks for the cheque. “I have your Christmas present at my house. I don’t know if you want to hang around or if you just need to drop me off and go home, but either way, take it with you.”

“Good, because yours is in my car,” Lauren replies, and when Vero brings the cheque, she grabs it before Camila can, “my treat. I invited you out, and since you won’t let me give you your money back…”

Camila figures she should take this one as a loss. “Alright, alright, I’ll let you treat me.”

“Good,” Lauren smiles, and she counts out some cash from her wallet, leaving it with the cheque, and stands up, holding out her hand. “Come on, let’s do the good old presents exchange. Hopefully you’ll like what I’ve bought you; I’m trying to make up for the Christmases I’ve missed.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Camila assures her, even though she’s done the same thing. In fact, Camila’s present for Lauren is kind of killing two birds with one stone. “I’m doing the same thing, but still.”

“I’m sure I’ll love whatever it is you’ve bought for me.” Lauren smiles, holding the door open for her as they walk out of the restaurant. She waves goodbye to Vero, and swings Camila’s hand as they head to her car. “I promise I won’t open it before the twenty-fifth. And _you’re_ not allowed to either, it’s Christmas Law, got it?”

Camila grins, getting into the passenger seat. “What’re you gonna do? Sue me?”

“Fuck yeah, I’d take your ass to court and _win_ ,” Lauren sticks her tongue out at her, starting the car, “seriously, though, if I pass my Contract Law class, if you ever need me to read anything over…”

Camila smiles. “You’re so sweet. And you’d better text me tomorrow _and_ Christmas Day to tell me you’re having fun.”

“Of course,” Lauren assures her, “got to let my _fiancée_ know that I’m having a good Christmas.”

Camila’s stomach flips, and as Lauren starts to drive, she wonders if she should just _tell_ her. She knows that Lauren wouldn’t be mean about it, that it wouldn’t be like last time, and there’s a big chance that she reciprocates, and before she can help herself, she blurts out, “Lauren?”

“Yeah?” Lauren glances over at her and then right back at the road. “Are you okay?”

Camila hesitates, the words catching in her throat. Her mouth closes in a smile as she thinks better of it, and shakes her head. “Never mind. I’m good.”

 **MAKING CHRISTMAS ART**  
_1,286,395 views_  
Camila Cabello ---------- SUBSCRIBE: 3.9M  
Published Dec 23, 2016

“Honestly, this is all so bad,” Camila laughs, “like, this Santa looks like a rat.”

She holds up the drawing with a snort. “I should’ve asked Lauren to join me. Even though she’s studying law and forensics, she’s actually really artistic, she’s so good at drawing. And singing, too, but that’s irrelevant to this video, though it’s given me a damn good idea for another one.”

_[Write a comment…]_

**Lauren Jauregui** @ 3:38 I see what you’re implying and I’m already saying no.  
   **Camila Cabello** what you don’t wanna sing with me??? why won’t you be the gabriella to my troy????????  
   **camren jauregui** omg lauren PLEASE DO IT  
     **Lauren Jauregui** _+camren jauregui_ Wow didn’t know I had a third sibling named Camren???

 **Camren Is Real** oh my god YES we need a cheesy camren duet!

 **Camriana Updates** @ 3:38 no no no stop putting that fucking ugly bitch in videos call ari instead she can sing better than lauren

__

_liked by_ **camila_cabello, allybrooke** _and_ **11,345 others  
** **laurenjauregui:** Went out for lunch with this one and talked about medieval torture methods over chicken club sandwiches.

 **camila_cabello:** ugh yes love learning about the pussy pear!!  
   **normani:** The pussy WHAT now????

 **camrenisreal:** you guys are the hottest couple ever


	15. 14

Lauren rushes to answer the front door when there’s a knock, pushing Keana out of the way and pulling it open. She grins, acting like she totally hadn’t sprinted all the way there. “Hey!”

“Hi,” Camila smiles, stepping inside and shutting the door behind them. Almost straight away, she holds her phone up, pulling Lauren close and taking a few pictures. Then, she pushes her away, takes one look at her outfit and announces, “Go change.”

Lauren’s face falls. Did Camila not like her outfit? She’d been throwing things out of her closet all day, stressing over what to wear, because Camila had texted, telling her that she’s craving nachos so they’re going to get some before heading to the party, which meant the beautiful white dress that Camila had gotten her for Christmas was off the table.

“Um… why?” Lauren asks, smoothing out her outfit. “Don’t you like what I’m wearing?”

“It’s beautiful, but I literally _bought_ a dress for you to wear to this, and I’m pretty sure I told you to wear it in the card,” Camila points out, grabbing Lauren by the shoulders and pushing her towards her bedroom. “Go put it on.”

“But we’re getting nachos, I don’t want to get it dirty,” Lauren pouts, resisting slightly as Camila pushes her forwards. “It’s white, I can’t get cheese all over it.”

Camila shrugs. “Sounds like a you problem. Now go put it on.”

Lauren sighs, and she knows that Camila can be stubborn when she wants to be. After another encouraging nudge from the younger girl, she nods, “Alright, I’ll go change.”

Camila smiles satisfactorily. “Thank you, _princesa_. I know you’ll look gorgeous.”

Lauren’s stomach squirms at the pet name, and she turns away under the guise of heading to her room to change. “I’ll be right back.”

Once she’s shut her bedroom door behind her and she’s safely out of view, she sighs, running a hand through her hair. She’s an idiot for acting like that had an effect on her; it _had_ , but she doesn’t want Camila to _know_ that. She knows she’s being ridiculously obvious; she’s almost kissed Camila about five times now, and made obvious hints on social media that Camila can’t _not_ have picked up on, and she promises herself that she’s going to reign it in. Sure, they flirt, but it doesn’t mean Camila really reciprocates, and she can’t blame her after everything that happened last time. Camila will have bad memories, and she’s not surprised that a friendship is all she’d want. She doesn’t want to push any feelings she might be having onto her.

 _Maybe you can find someone else to kiss at midnight, someone fun, something casual, so you can stop thinking about Camila for a little while,_ Lauren thinks to herself, _there’s bound to be a cute guy or girl at the party who you could hook up with._

It doesn’t feel right, because there’s nobody she _wants_ to be with except Camila, but she isn’t going to make that first move. She feels incredibly guilty with the way everything went down before, and she finds it hard to believe that Camila would trust her enough to go to that next level when Lauren had practically _stolen_ her first kiss while _high_.

When she thinks about that, she feels the heavy guilt in the pit of her stomach, and tries to push it away. Changing quickly, she looks herself over in the mirror, smoothing out the dress and wondering why Camila would treat her to something like this.

“Are you ready?” The younger girl asks, and at the sound of her voice through the door, Lauren takes one last look at herself and nods. _You can get over her. It’ll be hard, but you’ve gone through worse. You’ve gotten over worse, too._

She walks out of her bedroom, aware that Camila had been talking to Lucy and Keana, and she knows they won’t have told her anything _good_. Camila pauses, doing a little double take, whatever she was saying to Lucy trailing off. “God dammit, I’m starting a fashion channel. I knew you’d look amazing in that.”

Lucy laughs. “Yeah, I have to agree with her, Lo. You look damn good.”

Even Keana looks her over appreciatively, and Lauren has to admit that she likes the attention, mostly _Camila’s_ attention. The younger girl is looking at her with what Lauren could only describe as _hunger_ , and it makes Lauren think that if she went for it, if she kissed her tonight, that Camila would be okay with it. But that’s just the thing; she doesn’t _want_ it to be just a playful New Year’s kiss, she wants it to mean something.

(Yes, she knows she’s about five years too late.)

“Come on,” Camila holds out her hand, grinning at her, “I can’t believe I have the hottest date at this party.”

The word _date_ makes Lauren’s stomach squirm, but she reminds herself that it’s not a real date. “Wait, why are you talking for me?”

“Oh, I see what you did there,” Camila laughs, waving goodbye to Lauren’s roommates as they leave the apartment. “Wow, I feel bad just leaving and not inviting them.”

“They’re going to a house party a little later…” Lauren shrugs, trailing off. She’s not a big fan of house parties, because she knows that a lot of them have some substances on offer and she doesn’t want to put herself in that position, because quite honestly, she doesn’t know what she’d do when confronted with that situation. “But, anyway, why exactly are we getting nachos?”

“Because I’ve been craving them since yesterday,” Camila replies, pulling Lauren into the elevator behind her. “The only way to get rid of a craving is to eat the thing you’re craving.”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, not sure what to say to that. “Well… alright. I guess I’ll have some too, I’ll need some food to soak up whatever I’ll drink.”

“I’m not drinking tonight,” Camila says, and Lauren doesn’t know whether or not she’s _relieved_. The last time Camila had been drunk with her, she’d kissed her and forgotten about it, and she doesn’t know if she could handle it if it happened again.

In a way, she knows she deserves it; she knows that what she feels right now is only a _fraction_ of the way she’d made Camila feel when they were younger, so she knows she can take it.

“Are you okay?” Camila’s voice startles her, but it’s soft and sweet and it makes Lauren’s stomach flip. “You seem a little distracted.”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Lauren assures her, realising they’re holding hands. She runs her thumb across Camila’s knuckles comfortingly. “Just thinking.”

“Oh. Are you nervous about getting your results back for your finals?” Camila asks, and Lauren thinks it’s so considerate that she remembered that. “Because you shouldn’t worry. You’re like, the smartest person I know.”

Lauren’s heart races a little, because people complimenting her _intelligence_ rather than her looks has always kind of made her swoon. “Um, yeah, I’m kind of nervous about that. But I’ve always been too hard on myself when it comes to my grades, and I always freak out because I don’t want to lose my scholarship. I have to maintain a specific GPA.”

“I’m probably not helping, right?” Camila laughs awkwardly, holding the door to Lauren’s apartment building open for her. “I keep being clingy and wanting to hang out all the time-”

“No, no,” Lauren interrupts, shaking her head, “I mean, I want to hang out too, so if you’re clingy, I am too.”

“Well… tell me, if I ever get annoying when you’re trying to study,” Camila squeezes her hand, swinging it between them as they walk down the street. “Do you get a new timetable next semester?”

“Yeah,” Lauren had done the same thing when picking her classes for this semester; basically just engineering it so she gets her Fridays free. “It’s not so bad. I’ll text you a copy.”

Camila grins. “I love that you knew that’s what I wanted. Just so I know when not to call you, since you have me on bypass and all that.”

“Yeah, of course,” Lauren laughs a little, and when Camila looks at her, brown eyes shining with so much emotion, Lauren feels like kissing her. _She wrote that song about you, remember? Kiss her_.

She pushes away those invasive thoughts. Camila had always written songs to get _rid_ of her feelings, which means that she doesn’t want to pursue anything with Lauren. Not that Lauren even blames her for that.

“Perk up!” Camila seems to notice her mood. “It’s New Year’s Eve, so it’s pretty much guaranteed you’ll be kissing someone tonight.”

Lauren barks out a laugh. “How is it guaranteed?”

“Uh, did you not look in the mirror before we left?” Camila looks at her incredulously. “You’re like… ridiculously attractive.”

 _Is that coming from you, or in general?_ Lauren thinks, but she doesn’t bother to get her hopes up. She knows she won’t be kissing Camila at midnight, so she decides that if someone seems interested, she’ll entertain them. The last thing she wants is to have to _watch_ Camila kissing _someone else_.

 _It’s a party,_ Lauren reminds herself, _let loose, have a good time, and forget about your stupid feelings for Camila, because it’s not going to happen._

-

So, Camila hates parties. That’s not really any new information, but she already knows that _this_ party isn’t going to grow on her. The music isn’t her thing, and it’s far too loud and hurting her head, she’s not in the mood to drink, but most importantly, some stupid _guy_ is flirting with Lauren.

 _And she’s flirting back_.

Camila doesn’t know the guy’s name, just that he’s another YouTuber, and she feels like being petty and telling Lauren that _she_ has more subscribers, just to get her interest back. But no, Camila is far too socially awkward for that, so she’s sat on the sidelines, watching as Lauren dances with the stupid guy, wearing the expensive silky white dress that _Camila_ had bought for her for Christmas.

She scowls over at them, simmering in her rage, when she hears a familiar voice. “Hey, Mila.”

Camila turns around in surprise. “Ari? Hey! How are you?”

“I’m good,” Ariana pulls out the seat next to her and follows her gaze, seeing what she was scowling at. “That’s… it’s Lauren, right? She’s been in a few of your videos. Is she… the same one you told me about?”

“Yes and yes,” Camila answers with a sigh, glancing back over at the older girl. “I know it’s stupid, but I started feeling things for her again, and I thought she felt the same way, but…”

“But she’s over there dancing with some guy,” Ariana finishes for her as Camila trails off with a sigh. “Maybe she thinks you don’t like her like that. Have you made a move?”

“Well, _no_ , but there’s been so many _almost_ moments, you know?” Camila tries to describe, and she feels like slamming her head on the table in irritation. “She has to know. And yet she’s still over there with him.”

Ariana glances over at the clock. “It’s eleven fifty, and if you don’t get her away from him now, you know who she’s going to be kissing at midnight.”

The thought makes Camila feel physically sick. “Oh, god, you’re right.”

“Always am,” Ariana smiles, “so if you want her, go get her.”

“But- it’s just…” Camila is so, _so_ tempted, but there’s one thing on her mind, “I lost her once. What if kissing her makes things awkward and uncomfortable and the friendship just falls apart again?”

“Then she’s not a very good friend if she’d let that get in the way,” Ariana reasons, and Camila looks over at Lauren, laughing with the guy. “This is probably like, one of those turning points. You’ve either got to walk over there and take what you want, or let that guy take her from you.”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip. “I guess I _would_ feel pretty pathetic if I had to watch her kiss _him_.”

“Exactly, so go and get what you want,” Ariana says, “or risk _that_ guy getting her number, taking her out, becoming her boyfriend-”

“Alright, alright, I get it, my worst nightmare,” Camila cuts her off with a laugh, “thanks for talking to me about this, Ari.”

“No worries, Mila. You know I want you to be happy,” Ariana says, and after a few moments, she looks at the guy she’d brought with her as a date, “I know I am.”

“It’s good to see,” Camila assures her, checking the time on her phone; eleven fifty-six. “You should probably get over there, and _I_ should probably get between _that_.”

“Mhm,” Ariana stands up, sending her one last fleeting smile, “good luck.”

Camila doesn’t immediately make a move. No, she lets herself have a few more moments to glare, and then stands up, sucking in her nerves, trying to bury them under a thin layer of confidence, and walking over to Lauren. She taps her on the shoulder, and Lauren sends her a bright smile. “Camz! Hey! Do you know-”

She looks like she’s going to introduce them, and the guy looks pretty pissed off that she’s interrupting, and he’s trying to get Lauren’s attention back, “Hey, look at that, it’s almost midnight. Funny that we met tonight, huh?”

“Um, yeah, that’s _not_ going to happen, sorry,” Camila announces before Lauren can reply, and grabs the older girl by the wrist, pulling her out of his grasp. “She is _not_ going to be your New Year’s kiss.”

“Ten, nine…”

As the crowd starts counting down, the guy just rolls her eyes at her. “And why the hell not?”

“Six, five…”

Camila pushes him away, and wraps her arms around Lauren’s waist, pulling her close. Their bodies are flush against one another, and the last thing she registers is green eyes widening in total shock, before the countdown hits one and Camila pulls her in for a kiss.

She can’t remember it ever feeling like this before. There’s that hint of familiarity, something that’s so _Lauren_ , and it’s like everything she’d felt before when she was kissing Lauren but multiplied by ten thousand, because this time it’s like she _knows_ it’s mutual. Lauren kisses her back, fingers tangling in Camila’s hair, and when the younger Latina gently bites on her bottom lip, a loud moan reverberates at the back of Lauren’s throat, and it’s like everything Camila feels is amplified, and she can’t believe they _hadn’t_ been doing this their entire lives.

When she finally pulls away, Lauren’s eyes flutter open, and she smiles rather dazedly, like she can’t believe that happened. Camila just turns and smirks at the guy. “She couldn’t be your New Year’s kiss because she’s _mine_. Now run along.”

The guy scowls, but leaves them alone, and Camila meets Ariana’s gaze from across the room. She sends her a dorky grin and a thumbs up, before looking back at a dazed Lauren. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Lauren murmurs, reaching out to link hands with Camila, fingers fitting perfectly together. “I’m… really glad you did that.”

“You are?” Camila questions, trying to contain the happy dance she desperately wants to perform. “Because I’ve wanted to do it for… a while.”

Lauren is quiet for a moment, before she tugs her over to the exit, out of the door and into the street. It’s relatively quiet; Camila figures most people will want to keep partying. Lauren turns to her with a small smile. “I needed to get somewhere quiet, I think we should… talk.”

“Yeah, that’s… a good idea,” Camila nods, “talking. What do you want to talk about?”

Lauren laughs at the dumb question. “Really, Camz?”

“Okay, okay, I know,” Camila waves her off, laughing at the words, “Yes, I have a ridiculously huge crush on you.”

Lauren blinks at the words, before she grins and announces, “I should’ve known you meant it.”

“Meant what?” Camila frowns. “Oh, god, did I say something stupid in a video that made you all confused? Oh, and, wait, do you like me back? Because if you don’t then that’s kind of awkward, but I figure you do because you kissed me back.”

“I definitely like you back,” Lauren squeezes her hand, and Camila breathes a sigh of relief. “I hope you’re not mad at me for not telling you this, but when you were blackout drunk on Halloween, you kissed me and told me you had feelings for me. That’s why I was acting a little weird after, because I knew you didn’t remember and I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know if you actually meant what you said or if it was just the alcohol making you feel things…”

Camila takes the words in, cringing at herself. “I’m actually glad you didn’t tell me, because that’s fucking embarrassing. I’m so sorry. But- um, I’m not sorry for kissing you, because I bet it was amazing, if tonight is any indicator…”

“No, tonight was much better,” Lauren murmurs, “because you’re not going to forget it.”

“Of course not,” Camila swings their hands as they walk. “Um, anyway, so… you like me. I like you…”

Lauren laughs as she awkwardly trails off. “That’s all factual information, yeah.”

“So, should we…” Camila bites down on her bottom lip, frowning in thought. “No, you know what, I don’t want to push anything onto you, you tell me what you want.”

Lauren’s brow furrows at the words, but eventually, she shrugs lightly. “Well, ideally, I want to date you, weirdo.”

Hearing the words after all of the drama and the years of pining makes Camila’s heart feel so full she’s scared it might explode. “For real?”

“For real,” Lauren confirms, smiling nervously, “what do you say? Will you go on a date with me?”

“Yeah,” Camila can’t help herself; she squeals excitedly, and does kind of a mini happy dance, but by now she knows that _Lauren_ knows how much of a loser she is, so she doesn’t care. “Yeah, oh my god, we’re going on a date?”

“Only took… thirteen years,” Lauren jokes, and again, Camila can’t help herself, and pulls her in for a quick, excitable kiss, “please never stop doing that.”

Camila smiles, her stomach flipping at the way Lauren is looking at her with so much adoration. “I never _want_ to stop.”

Lauren hums, and squeezes her hand as they walk down the street. A comfortable silence falls upon them, wrapping them up like a safe blanket, and Lauren finally breaks it with a laugh. “How excited are you to tell Dinah that she was right with all the comments she’d leave on your videos?”

Camila freezes at the words. “Um, yeah, I’m afraid this isn’t going to work out, Lo…”

Lauren shoves her playfully. “Oh, sure, act like you haven’t been pining after me since you were six.”

“The same, back at you, since age seven,” Camila retorts easily, “even if you didn’t admit it as easily as I did. Which I’m totally not dragging you for, by the way, I get that it was hard for you and that’s totally okay.”

“I know, you can make fun of me for it,” Lauren reassures her, “and I’m sorry the instant I realised I had feelings for you I pushed you away.”

“How old were you?” Camila asks. “Like, when did you realise? Because from what you’ve told me, you knew when you were like sixteen, it was just that you had trouble accepting it.”

Lauren frowns in thought, before she snorts with laughter, “Actually it was when I was with Luis, he’d kiss me and I’d be like _wow, Camila would be better than this_ , and then one day I realised _that’s pretty gay_ , but I was so confused because I did actually like him, I just… liked you more. And when we broke up, I was thinking about it a _lot_ , and I wondered if you felt the same way, but always figured you didn’t, that there was something wrong with me.”

Camila smiles reassuringly. “Well, you know you can always talk to me, your _dating_ … human… about _anything.”_

“Sure, let’s pretending _dating human_ is a thing,” Lauren smiles, and as they come to a stop at the bottom of Camila’s driveway, she says, “You know, I’m proud of you for making a move tonight. Sounds like a stupid thing to say, but I guess I just… I love how confident you are now, and I’m so glad that YouTube brought that out of you.”

Camila laughs. “Hey, I’m just glad I didn’t have to watch you kissing that jackass.”

“Oh, please, I was only talking to him to make you jealous,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “I’ve been crushing on you this entire time, and I feel like we both _knew_ , but we’re also too useless to do anything about it.”

Camila meets her gaze again, and pulls her down for another kiss. “Well, I’m glad I finally did.”

Lauren hums, and pulls Camila in for a tight hug. “Me too, Camz. Me too.”

 **MY GOALS FOR THE NEW YEAR**  
_1,953,395 views_  
Camila Cabello ---------- SUBSCRIBE: 3.9M  
Published Dec 30, 2016

“I want to… to finally start taking what I want,” Camila announces, thinking of one thing in particular, “I want to be that person that can just… take a risk and get something amazing out of it, so that’s one of my goals for the new year.”

“And linking in with that goal… I want to fall in love and stay in love with that person for all the other years to come.”

_[Write a comment…]_

**Camren Is Real** ‘that person’ just say Lauren’s name we all know

 **CamrianaUpdates** Can you all stop making everything about fucking Camren it’s not real they’re not dating and Camila and Ariana are meant for each other

__

_liked by_ **laurenjauregui, normani** _and_ **78,493 others**  
camila_cabello: we took this pic before i dramatically made lauren change into the dress i bought her for christmas FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF BEING THE HOTTEST BITCHES AT THIS PARTY WHICH I EXPLICITLY STATED IN THE CARD anyway happy new year!  
_6 hours ago_

 **laurenjauregui:** Excuse me for not wanting to get the WHITE dress you bought for me DIRTY when you told me we’d be sharing NACHOS on the way there.  
   **camila_cabello:** i gave you CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS!!! NACHOS BE DAMNED!!!  
    **laurenjauregui:** Just for that I’m going to buy some nachos right now and smear cheese all over the dress. That’s what you get for RAISING YOUR VOICE.  
     **camila_cabello:** i swear to GOD lauren i’m gonna kick your ass  
      **dinahjane97:** Excuse the lovers quarrel lol


	16. 15

Lauren finishes off the rest of her lukewarm coffee, closing the lid of her laptop. She yawns, already over this semester, even though it’s only the first day back. It’s over now though; she had three back to back classes, but that means she’s done by twelve, so she’s ready to get home and call Camila before she goes for a nap.

She packs her things away and leaves the lecture hall, a little annoyed at the huge crowds throughout the building. It takes her a while to get down the stairs, and she squints when the sunlight hits her eyes as she walks out of the main exit.

She jumps when someone grabs her, and whirls around, expecting Lucy or Keana or Alexa. Her stomach twists and turns when she meets Camila’s eyes; in the light, the beautiful chocolate brown has turned a deep honey colour, and Lauren is kind of fascinated about why people sleep on brown eyes so much when they’re that beautiful.

“Hi,” Camila grins at her, “I hope you don’t think I’m a stalker, I looked at the screenshot you sent me of your schedule and I found the building. I thought I’d walk you home.”

Lauren’s stomach flips. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

“Um, so…” Camila takes her hand, and Lauren leads her across to the little shortcut she uses; it only shaves a few minutes off her walk home, but it’s worth it when she’s this tired. “I get that you’re like, super tired right now…”

Lauren raises her eyebrows. “What’s up?”

“When are we going to go out?” Camila blurts out, and then blushes like she shouldn’t have asked that. “Sorry, it’s just… it’s been a while since New Year’s Eve and we haven’t talked about it.”

“Whenever you want,” Lauren squeezes her hand, “I’ll make the time.”

“Tonight?” Camila asks, but before Lauren can speak, she mumbles, “Sorry, I probably sound like a bit of an eager beaver. _Eager beaver,_ since when do I say that? _God_ , I’m an idiot.”

Lauren laughs. “We can do it tonight if that’s what you want. My only plans were lying on the couch and watching _Catfish_ , and a date with you sounds a million times better than that.”

“Okay, good,” Camila smiles, breathing out a sigh of relief. “Alright. Um, well, I’m glad we’re- yeah. Going on a date. Finally.”

“Yeah, seems right, since we’ve been engaged for ten years and all that,” Lauren nudges her playfully, “if you think about it, it’s a little weird that we haven’t.”

Camila laughs. “Yeah, we totally suck at being engaged.”

Lauren stifles another yawn, swinging their hands as they walk and squinting a little in the sunlight. “Thanks for coming to walk me home. If you want to join me for my nap, you can. I don’t mind either way.”

“I never nap, but _yes_ , I’d love to do that,” Camila grins, “at least to keep you company until you fall asleep. I’ve been told I’m a great big spoon.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows. “Big spoon?”

Camila smirks, and it’s so unlike the dorky, clumsy Camila that she knows, but something inside Lauren stirs. “I think you’ll find I quite like exerting my… dominance.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Lauren blurts out without thinking, cheeks tinted a soft pink. _Well_ , she thinks, _that’s convenient._ “Well… uh. Nice.”

“You’re _blushing_ ,” Camila points out, and if anything, that makes Lauren blush _more_. “That’s so cute. You’re so cute.”

“ _Camila_ , stop flirting with me,” Lauren whines, pouting at the younger girl, “I’m too tired to maintain a casual façade.”

“Hey, who’s Camila?” Camila pokes her in the ribs, “that’s _Camz_ to you.”

“Alright, alright,” Lauren rolls her eyes, digging in her jacket pocket for her keys. She pulls them out and goes to open the apartment building’s front door, but Camila swipes them from her hands and inspects them. “I put the Daenerys keychain on, if that’s why you stole my keys.”

“That’s exactly why I stole your keys,” Camila laughs, handing them back as Lauren unlocks the door. Lauren holds the door open for her, and Camila skips over to the elevator, pressing the button. “So, what’s the plan? Do you want to go out for dinner?”

Lauren frowns, because she hadn’t really thought about that. Her rent money came out earlier that week, and while she _would_ be in a tight spot, there’s still the money that Camila claimed she ‘earned’ – she still doesn’t entirely feel right about taking it – and she guesses that she could pay for dinner with that. One dinner will barely make a dent in that, even if she’s mostly saving it to cover rent and college stuff.

“Do you?” Lauren retorts, “I don’t mind what we do. Just as long as I’m with you.”

“That’s a little gay, Lauren Michelle.” Camila teases her, tugging her into the elevator when the doors open. “Character development, right there. Much has changed from _ew, I’m not a dyke.”_

Lauren cringes. “Yeah, that was- uh… I honestly kind of knew at that point, so in my idiot brain I thought if I acted _disgusted_ by liking girls, people wouldn’t know that I _was_ into girls.”

“Did you actually like me?” Camila asks. “You know, back then. And I mean, in the… wanting to _date_ , like, for real way. I know you had feelings, but...”

Lauren snorts, and as the elevator dings to signal that they’re on her floor, she takes Camila’s hand again. “It’s pretty obvious when I _proposed_ to you.”

“You were nine!” Camila laughs, following Lauren out of the elevator and down the hallway to her apartment. “I meant when we were teenagers.”

“Yeah, I actually _knew_ I had a crush then,” Lauren says, unlocking her front door and pushing it open for Camila, “unfortunately, that was during the _I don’t want to be this way_ phase. I always kind of envied the way you were just _okay_ with it.”

Camila shrugs. “It’s probably because I always knew. Are your roommates in?”

Lauren isn’t actually sure; she vaguely knows their class schedules, and she thinks Keana should be around somewhere. Eventually, she just shrugs, dumping her backpack by the door. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

Camila hums in reply, following Lauren to her room, “Can I steal some PJs?”

“You’re going to end up stealing my entire wardrobe at this point, but sure,” Lauren replies grabbing her pyjamas from where she’d left them on _the chair_ that morning. One time, she was so tired that she’d put her clothes on _over_ her pyjamas, gone to her 8AM class, come straight home and jumped right back into bed.

She changes, not really caring that Camila is in the room but fully aware of the younger girl’s eyes on her as she takes her shirt off, kind of grateful to herself from this morning when she’d decided to wear a bra. She pulls her pyjama t-shirt on, an old baggy school gym t-shirt, and a pair of skimpy pyjama shorts, before practically diving onto her bed and bundling under the covers. She grabs Nala from the other pillow and cuddles the lion to her chest, sighing happily. “I love my bed.”

Camila is less excitable about getting into bed; Lauren sees that she’d found her old softball jersey – she’d joined the team in her senior year, since she’d kind of dropped the sport in middle school. The younger Latina shuffles under the covers, and Lauren shivers when a hand touches her waist and pulls her close.

Camila just smiles. “Come cuddle, _princesa_.”

Lauren’s stomach flips at the pet name, and she sighs happily, snuggling her face into Camila’s neck so the younger girl can’t see her reaction. “Will you be here when I wake up?”

“Of course, if that’s what you want,” Camila assures her, and Lauren nods into the crook of her neck. “Alright then. I’ll be here.”

“Goodnight,” Lauren murmurs, throwing an arm over Camila’s stomach and keeping Nala secure with her other.

Camila watches with a smile as Lauren drifts off to sleep. She’s not tired in the slightest, but she promised Lauren she’d be here when she woke up, and she’s damn well going to keep her promise. She eyes the book on Lauren’s bedside table, and grabs it, turning it over to look at the title, and she almost laughs. _A Game of Thrones_. Lauren is about halfway through, but she opens it up at the first page and figures she might as well read since she’s staying here with Lauren.

She reads through the prologue and the first chapter, from Bran’s point of view, occasionally glancing down at Lauren, playing with her hair, completely giddy and ecstatic that they’re actually going on a _date_ later. She’s going on a _real_ date with Lauren, the girl she’s loved since she was a kid.

Lauren shifts in her arms, mumbling something in her sleep, and Camila figures she’s in a deep enough sleep for her to get up and do something. She yawns herself, mostly out of boredom, and slowly pries herself away from Lauren, going to the other girl’s bookshelf and browsing through titles. Unsurprisingly, there are a lot of crime fiction novels, but there are also cheesy young adult romances scattered among them.

Moving away from the bookshelf, Camila sits down on Lauren’s desk chair. There are two hoodies thrown over the back of it and they smell like Lauren, and Camila kind of wants to steal one. She restrains herself, and spins around on Lauren’s desk chair, looking at the adorable woman in question as she sleeps. _She’s so beautiful, and I get to make her mine_.

Glancing at one of the papers on Lauren’s desk, Camila picks it up, face scrunching up in disgust at all of the legal jargon. She puts the paper down again and sighs, not knowing what to do, or how long Lauren will want to sleep for. For a moment, she considers being really romantic and making Lauren brunch to wake her up with, but then she realises that she’d probably burn the apartment building down and she doesn’t think that would be a very nice wake up call.

She looks at Lauren’s pencil case, and finds a loose sheet of lined paper. Laughing to herself, she figures she could ‘draw’ Lauren as she sleeps, and present her with the atrocious result when she wakes up. Grinning to herself like kind of a maniac, she pulls the pencil case towards her and unzips it, frowning when there’s only two pencils in there, along with three _joints_.

She knows that Lauren smokes occasionally, but it’s still not something she wants to think about, because it makes her think about how everything else started. First it was nights out drinking, then it progressed to weed, and then it spiralled into everything else. She wants to believe that Lauren is smarter than that, that she’d stay away from everything else, but it doesn’t sit right that she’d gotten back into smoking weed.

 _But she told you she only did it once this exam period_ , Camila reminds herself, _she said she was cutting down because she knows you don’t like it. You need to trust her._

Sighing, she puts the joints back into the pencil case and zips it up, putting it back where it was left. Instead of drawing something stupid, she walks back over to the bookcase, picks out _Looking for Alaska_ , and sits back down in the bed next to a sleeping Lauren. Almost as if she senses her, Lauren rolls over and snuggles up, mumbling something in her sleep again.

Camila has always found it adorable that Lauren talks in her sleep; she remembers one time when she was eight, they’d been having one of their ritual Friday night slumber parties, and Lauren had rolled over, mumbled _the dog is going to eat me_ in her sleep, and Camila had been afraid of Lauren’s new dog Dash for three months until she finally opened up to Lauren, freaking out about how Dash was going to eat her, and Lauren had just laughed and said _oh, I talk in my sleep, it’s just from a dream._

Camila wraps an arm around Lauren again and gets herself comfortable, reading about Pudge and Alaska and Culver Creek. At one point, Lauren mumbles _you’re a beautiful mango_ and nuzzles against her, and Camila really has to restrain herself from cracking up at the words at the risk of waking her up. Instead, she pulls out her vlogging camera and whispers, “Hello, welcome back to another vlog, I’m whispering because I’m with Lauren and she’s sleeping since she had class this morning and needed a nap, but apparently I’m a beautiful mango, right, Lo?”

She points the camera at Lauren’s sleeping form and laughs to herself, explaining to the camera, “she talks in her sleep sometimes, I’m hoping I can get it on camera.”

“You know, one time I actually looked up sleep talking because I noticed Lauren doing it when we were kids, and apparently some people do like, full blown monologues,” Camila says, pointing the camera at Lauren expectantly, “What’re you waiting for, Lo?”

Lauren mumbles something as if on cue, “ _get the kangaroo to do it.”_

Camila snorts, and without thinking, she kisses the top of Lauren’s head. “Okay, I’ll get the kangaroo to do it.”

“Anyway, that’s all I wanted to film, bye for now!” She waves at the camera, turning it off and looking to a sleeping Lauren with a smile. “I’m so posting that, by the way. You can’t stop me.”

Sighing happily, she gives the older girl a gentle squeeze, wanting to keep her close. Something as simple as this was all she’d ever wanted back when she was fourteen and completely head over heels even though Lauren didn’t seem like she reciprocated. She’d desperately missed the long summer nights they’d spend in each other’s arms, bundled under a little blanket fort they’d made, not realising that the stuff they were doing wasn’t at all platonic.

“I’m so glad we’re back in each other’s lives,” Camila murmurs to the sleeping woman in her arms. “I know I keep saying that, but I never truly realised how much I missed you until I saw you and we started talking and it was like nothing had changed. Like my soul could recognise yours through any potential awkwardness. You’re my person, and even if it took a while, we’re finally where we need to be, and I’m… I’m really proud of you for- um, for everything you’ve gotten through, and I’m sorry you didn’t have me to help you through it. I know you always say that I was justified in cutting you off, and I know I was, I just wish that things happened differently. I wish you’d spoken to me, maybe at Disney when you were sober, and I’m sorry I never pushed.”

Lauren stays sleeping and unresponsive, and Camila kisses the top of her head again. “I promise you, even if you fell back down that hole again, you will _not_ lose me again, and if you ever need to talk about anything, even if it’s just something stupid, I’m here for you. No matter what, _princesa_.”

Camila closes her eyes, just enjoying the feeling of Lauren against her, listening to her gentle breaths, and another few little indistinguishable mumbles. She smiles, holding the older girl close. She’s not tired, but she’s definitely _relaxed_ and content, just by holding Lauren close as she sleeps.

She feels Lauren shift against her, and she opens her eyes, sending the older girl a smile as she blinks, her green eyes clouded with sleep. “Hi.”

Camila laughs. “You still sleeping and saying hi?”

Lauren rolls her eyes, pushing herself up onto her elbows and yawning. “Don’t make fun of me, I don’t know why I still talk in my sleep.”

“Whatever, I just appreciate being a beautiful mango,” Camila laughs, and Lauren’s expression darkens in a scowl. “What? Don’t you agree with your sleep self?”

“No, I don’t, you’re a _mean_ mango, actually,” Lauren nudges her in the side, and Camila just laughs at her, “Date cancelled.”

Camila gasps. “What? No! Take that back, that’s not a funny joke.”

Lauren smirks. “It isn’t a joke. Get out of my apartment.”

“ _Lauren_ ,” Camila pouts, “come on, I’m only teasing you, baby.”

At the pet name, Lauren blushes. “Okay. Um… what exactly are we going to do? Is this date just going to be the most unplanned date in history?”

“Yeah, it is,” Camila laughs, “I’ll see if I can get us a booking for dinner, somewhere cute and casual. I don’t want it to be a high pressure thing, you know? We know each other, we know we click, so it doesn’t need to be all high stakes.”

“Okay, so _no_ ball gowns tonight?” Lauren asks, and Camila smiles shaking her head. “Alright. Are we talking cute party dress, or totally casual, because I _will_ show up in my pyjamas if you’ll let me.”

“Oh, definitely pyjamas,” Camila grins, “yeah, we’ll totally get served in those. No, just… wear what you’d normally wear. We don’t need to dress to impress because we’ve already seen each other at our best and worst, so…”

Lauren hums, resting her head on Camila’s shoulder. “Okay. Do you have to go, or do you want to stay?”

“I should probably get home, because it’s not going to be a good date if I can’t pick you up. I’ll let you know once I’ve booked dinner and tell you when I’ll be coming back,” Camila says, and she wants to kiss her, but she feels like she should save that for the date. Unable to help herself, she kisses Lauren’s cheek and stands up, pulling her jeans back on. “I’m keeping this softball jersey, by the way.”

Lauren doesn’t argue with her just sends her a passive shrug and gets out of bed, stretching. “Alright. I’ll walk you to the door.”

Camila nods, and she takes Lauren’s hand, following her out of her bedroom and through the kitchen. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

Lauren smiles, and pulls her in for a tight hug. Camila sighs happily as Lauren snuggles into her, so thankful that this _means_ something, that it’s _going somewhere._ “Yeah. See you later, Camz.”

Lauren opens the apartment door for her, and Camila feels her watching as she walks out of the apartment and down the hallway, and she waves goodbye as the elevator dings. “Later!”

Lauren waves as Camila steps into the elevator. “Text me so I know you’re home safe!”

The words make Camila’s heart melt, and if she didn’t already know that Lauren was her person, she would’ve then.

-

Lauren decides to wear a dress, even though she knows Camila had said to be casual. Granted, she’s picked a casual black and white striped dress, nothing that she’d wear to a ball or anything, but she’d wanted to dress up a little. She’d forced Lucy to help her curl her hair properly; nothing extreme, just making her natural waves look a little more professional. She’d done her own makeup, and spent about half an hour gushing to Lucy about how excited she is until the older girl had desperately escaped under the guise of finishing an essay.

Now, Lauren is sat on the couch, leg bouncing nervously as she waits for Camila. She glances at the clock again, groaning in annoyance when it _isn’t_ the time she wants it to be, because Camila isn’t coming until half past six, and it’s only quarter past.

Her phone buzzes with a text, and her heart drops. _What if she’s not coming?_ Logically, she knows that’s not the case, that Camila wouldn’t bail on her, but she still feels a flood of relief when she reads the text.

**_Camz (6:17PM): not to seem like an eager beaver!!! but i’m literally just getting onto your street now_ **

**_lern jergi (6:18PM): Ring the bell when you’re here, I’ll let you in._ **

Right after she sends the text, the bell rings, and Lauren gets up, pushing the button to let Camila up. Lauren waits until there’s a knock on the door, and pulls it right open, because if _Camila_ doesn’t care about seeming eager, Lauren doesn’t care either.

She looks Camila over, but before she even registers what she’s wearing and how she looks, she’s more focused on the light and happy expression on her face, and knowing that _she_ caused that makes Lauren’s heart race.

“Well, now I feel underdressed. You look beautiful.” Camila laughs, smoothing out her flannel shirt. She’s wearing skinny jeans that hug her ass in all the right places, and it’s kind of sending Lauren a little crazy, and that _leather jacket_ … she’s never seen Camila in something like that. Even though Lauren likes to act like a badass, she definitely has a thing for bad girls.

“Wow,” Lauren manages to get out, trying _not_ to drool, “you look hot.”

Camila grins. “Thanks. I actually wasn’t sure about the jacket, felt like it wasn’t really _me_ , you know?”

Lauren shakes her head, “No, no, I… I like it. I _really_ like it.”

“Yeah? You like a bad girl, huh?” Camila jokes, and she has no idea how accurate that really is, “But it’s good you like it. Enough about me, though. _You_ look beautiful.”

Lauren blushes, meeting Camila’s gaze with a shy smile, “Thank you. Do you want to set off?”

“Sure,” Camila nods, and Lauren grabs her purse, shouldering it and locking up the front door. She feels that familiar spark when Camila takes her hand. “The restaurant isn’t too far from here, so I figured we could just walk. If you want to drink- oh, wait, you can’t, you’re not twenty one, so… never mind.”

Lauren shrugs. “I have a fake ID, but I don’t want to drink. I want to remember every single detail of this.”

“I can’t tell if that’s romantic or not,” Camila laughs, and it really hits Lauren at that moment just how much she loves the sound of Camila’s laugh. She’s never noticed that kind of thing on another person before, and it solidifies the fact that everything has always been different with Camila. “Speaking of obvious romantics, maybe you can tell me about more medieval torture methods over dinner.”

Lauren snorts. “I think we exhausted that conversational topic. But I could tell you about some _other_ torture methods that are pretty interesting. Mostly modern history.”

“Do you like history?” Camila asks her, and Lauren nods in reply immediately. “Yeah? I always found it pretty boring. Like, if I got a time machine, I’d want to go to the future, not the past. The past doesn’t matter since it’s _in_ the past, you know?”

“Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it,” Lauren quotes; she can’t remember entirely who said that, but she definitely thinks it’s accurate, “It’s important to study history, and I don’t get where you’re coming from when you say it’s boring. Maybe you’ve just never studied the right stuff.”

Camila shrugs. “It ties into politics too much, and I’m not all that into _that_ , either.”

“And _that_ is where we differ,” Lauren easily replies. She tries not to judge _too_ much, like she always does when someone says they don’t care about politics; how can you just not care about something that could directly affect you and others around you? “Tell me about your videos. How’s your editing and stuff coming along? Got any interesting plans?”

Camila frowns in thought. “Not really. I mean, I’ve got that thing with maybe doing an EP, and linking with that, I want to post a cover, even though _someone_ won’t sing with me.”

“I don’t sing,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “so I’m not doing that.”

“Yeah, but you _can_ sing, that’s the point,” Camila argues, “I know you can. Obviously I won’t force you into anything, but I’d really love it if you’d sing with me.”

Knowing that she’d probably do anything for Camila, Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, tempted to blurt out a _yes_. She manages to maintain her willpower. “No, I haven’t sung in years, not properly, I don’t want to embarrass myself.”

“You won’t, you’re amazing,” Camila assures her, squeezing her hand, “but like I said, I won’t force you-”

“Ugh, fine, if you’re _going_ to make me do it,” Lauren interrupts her with an overdramatic sigh, not liking the sad shine in Camila’s eyes at her initial refusal. “I guess I have no choice.”

Camila snorts, and when she forces out a cough, it sounds like _whipped_. “Yeah, totally, no choice. I’ll hold you captive until you sing.”

Lauren meets Camila’s amused gaze and lets out a little laugh. “Oh, shut up.”

“Come on,” Camila tugs her over to a small, unassuming restaurant that Lauren would’ve walked by if Camila hadn’t drawn attention to it. “Dinner time.”

Lauren lets Camila tug her inside the restaurant, and she’s kind of proud when Camila talks to the front of house staff with ease, saying she has a reservation. She knows Camila has had huge problems talking to new people for most of her life, so her heart swells with pride when she sees her progress in action.

They have to wait a few minutes for their table, but the hostess tells them to order drinks from the bar, and Lauren nods over to the small seating area by the bar. “You sit down, I’ll get the drinks.”

Camila doesn’t fight her on it, surprisingly, asking for a coke. Lauren just gets water for herself; in most places, if they serve alcohol, water is free, and Lauren can see pretty big bottles of spirits behind the bar. She takes their drinks over, and Camila thanks her for hers, taking her hand again once Lauren puts her glass of water down on the table.

Camila seems to examine her for a moment, and when she asks, “Would you ever start a YouTube channel?” it takes a few seconds for the question to sink in.

“No,” Lauren answers, pretty definitively, “I’m not into that stuff. That’s your thing, and while I like watching our videos because I like supporting you, at the end of the day, it’s not something I would be interested in doing.”

“Why not?” Camila asks. “True crime channels are actually kind of a big thing now and that seems like something you’d be into.”

“I like _watching_ those kinds of videos, like, re-uploaded documentaries, and I also like Kendall Rae and Shane Dawson’s creepier videos,” Lauren shrugs, “but I wouldn’t want to make the video myself, you know? I like to research that stuff, but in a more academic context. I’ve actually been thinking about doing a PhD. Obviously I’d have to get my Bachelors, and then a Masters, but still…”

“Oh,” Camila takes the words in, “but you’ll still be in my videos? If I ask you?”

“Of course,” Lauren replies. She’s not entirely comfortable with it yet, but she’s not sure she’ll ever be the kind of person who would be fully comfortable on camera; that’s why she mostly just talks to _Camila_ and not the camera whenever she asks her to film with her. “Why are you asking?”

“One of the main reasons things didn’t work out with my ex was because she was a YouTuber too,” Camila comes outright and says it, and the implication that there’s genuinely going to be a future for them makes Lauren’s heart race. “I don’t know, I guess it’s just important for me to ask-”

“Your table is ready, if you’d like to follow me,” the hostess tells them, two menus in her hand. Lauren shoots Camila one last glance, as if to say _we’ll continue this later,_ and stands up, carrying both of the drinks, because Camila is notoriously clumsy.

When they’re led to their table, Camila pulls out her chair for her, and Lauren’s knees are a little weak at the chivalry. “Thanks, Camz.”

She puts the drinks down and pushes Camila’s across the table to her as the younger girl shrugs off her jacket. The hostess leaves them with the menus, telling them that the waiter will be there shortly, and Camila jumps back into her previous sentence, “Like I was saying, I just thought it’d be important to ask you how… open you’re comfortable being. I don’t mind keeping things on the down low if that’s what you need, because I know you’re not particularly… open about your sexuality. And that’s okay.”

“I don’t want to force you back into a closet,” Lauren assures her, “but if your last relationship didn’t work because she was a YouTuber too, isn’t that because you were too open?”

“Yeah, exactly, so I’m not saying that it would be super public. Obviously we’d be open about it and people would _know_ , but we couldn’t go flaunting the fact that we’re seeing each other in people’s faces, you know?” Camila says, and Lauren can handle that. “I just don’t want to… um, ruin things for you. What if you have a job interview in the future and the boss is a huge homophobe and he doesn’t hire you based off of some stupid YouTube video you were in?”

“I wouldn’t want to work for someone like that,” Lauren shrugs, “look, I know I generally prefer to keep it to myself, but it’s not like I’m ashamed of my sexuality. I’m proud of who I am, I just don’t go running around covered in rainbows because it’s not _all_ of who I am and I don’t want everything else about me to be overshadowed just because I happen to be bisexual.”

“Oh, okay,” Camila takes a few moments to take the words in, “so you’d be okay if like… further down the line, I told my viewers?”

“I don’t see why not,” Lauren shrugs, before she scrunches her nose up in irritation at a thought, “Just don’t make me start a couple’s channel with you.”

“No, no, of course I wouldn’t,” Camila shakes her head, “but it makes me really happy that you’d be comfortable enough to do that, so… thank you.”

“It’s okay, just give me a heads up when you’re going to do that. A few people from college have come up to me, asking if I was the Lauren from your videos, which was weird,” Lauren laughs at the memory, “one girl asked me for a photo, which was… interesting. I don’t see why she’d _want_ one, but…”

“Because you’re absolutely gorgeous,” Camila smiles, reaching her hand across the table, “now look at the menu. I already know what I’m getting.”

As Lauren looks at the menu, she realises it’s an Italian place, so she can easily guess that Camila will be getting pizza. She’s not exactly in the mood for pizza, so she settles on the grilled garlic chicken breast, and once the waiter has come to take their order, Lauren takes her napkin out from under her knife and fork and spreads it across her lap. Camila had ordered an impromptu garlic pizza bread starter for the two of them to share, though Lauren knows it’ll be more of a twenty/eighty split, since Camila eats faster and more than she does and yet she’s still so small.

“So, do tell me all of the juicy gossip of past relationships,” Lauren says, looking at Camila with a teasing grin, “how many girls have you brought here, huh?”

“None, unless you count Dinah,” Camila laughs, “she’s the one who found this place and she told me it was one of the best pizzas she’s ever had, and naturally I had to test that statement. I have to say that I agree. Anyway, Lauren Michelle, if you want the sneaky details of my relationships, you have to tell me _your_ secrets too.”

“You already know all of it,” Lauren points out, “you were there through Luis and Brad, and I told you I hooked up with Lucy in school. That’s it, really.”

“What about the _juicy_ stuff, though?” Camila asks, wiggling her eyebrows, and Lauren knows what question she’s asking. “You know…”

“Are you actually asking me about my virginity on our _first real date_?” Lauren bluntly asks, and Camila chokes on her drink. “Are you _seriously_ doing that?”

Camila gets over her coughing slash laughing fit and shakes her head, “Oh my god, _obviously_ not, I’m not a _pervert_.”

“I was fifteen, if you must know,” Lauren kicks Camila in the shin under the table, “I don’t really remember it, so it’s not important.”

Camila’s nose crinkles in an adorable frown. “How can you not remember?”

“I was cross faded, and the amount of alcohol I’d had was enough to make it blurry. The first time I ever slept with someone _sober_ was when I slept with Lucy,” Lauren replies, and she knows it’s kind of depressing that she can hardly remember her first time, but from what she does remember, it wasn’t very good, as with any time she slept with Brad, but she was only ever drunk or high when she did it with him. “Don’t look so sad, it’s fine.”

“I know, but it’s supposed to be special,” Camila murmurs, “I was eighteen for my first time.”

Lauren hums. “With your ex?”

“Yeah.” Camila nods, “but you’re right, this isn’t an appropriate topic for our first real date. So, tell me about… about the first real date you’ve ever been on.”

Lauren laughs lightly. “Well, it’s happening right now.”

Camila blinks in surprise. “Wait, what?”

“I never went on a date with Luis, since we were like, thirteen and I didn’t even see him outside of school,” Lauren replies, thinking _some relationship_ to herself, “and Brad just sort of… I don’t know, asked me to be his girlfriend, and I was fifteen at the time and didn’t know how stuff worked, so I just said yes, and Lucy and I have never dated, so I’ve never actually been on a date.”

“You should’ve told me!” Camila looks at her with wide eyes, “I would’ve done something to make this special! We could’ve gone somewhere fancy and pretended we were like, super important people, and worn ball gowns and danced and-”

“Camz,” Lauren cuts her off, sending her a casual smile, “I’m with you. That makes my first real date special.”

Camila’s cheeks flush pink. “Well… that’s- _aw_. I guess it’s fitting that I’m your first real date, since you were my first real kiss.”

Instead of smiling, Lauren’s stomach drops, and she feels a little sick at the words. “That’s not a good thing, I _shouldn’t_ have been your first kiss and I had no right to take that from you-”

“Relax, okay?” Camila reaches across the table and puts a hand on top of hers. “The circumstances were awful, definitely, but I don’t regret that you were my first kiss. Especially with the way things are now.”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip. “I’m still sorry about it.”

“Don’t be, because you’re kind of a phenomenal kisser,” Camila laughs, and seeing how _okay_ she is, Lauren nods, swallowing her guilt. “Okay, tell me about… your favourite memory. This is so _hard_ , I already know everything about you, this is _not_ helpful for a proper first date experience.”

“I don’t think asking someone when they lost their V card is a proper first date experience,” Lauren retorts, “and you probably know my favourite memory, too. When you gave me Nala.”

“Aw, Lo, you’re so cute, stop it,” Camila laughs, “and it’s not my fault that’s the only thing I _don’t_ know about you! First dates are for getting to know each other, but we already _know_ each other, so…”

Lauren has to admit that she has a point, and she strains in thought, trying to think of something she doesn’t know about Camila. “Um… what is… your favourite… _breed of dog_?”

Camila snorts. “Really had to think to come up with that one, huh?”

“Yes,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “because you’re _right_ , we know pretty much everything about each other. Now answer the question.”

“Um, probably a Chihuahua, just because they’re tiny, but they _think_ they’re this big hulking monster,” Camila sends her a teasing smile, “kind of like you.”

Lauren scoffs, “I resent that.”

“I’m not wrong, though,” Camila nudges her foot under the table, and Lauren nudges hers back, “what kind of dog do I _remind_ you of?”

“One of those hyper little terriers,” Lauren says, and when Camila scowls, she just laughs, “Yeah, that’s what you _get_ for calling me a Chihuahua.”

Camila looks like she’s ready to start bickering, but their waiter brings them their food, and she’s more distracted by that. Lauren finds her tiny attention span hilariously cute, and when she digs into her own food, she thanks Camila for bringing her somewhere so nice. Because it’s a small restaurant, there’s definitely more of an intimate environment.

Lauren would say it’s the best date she’s ever been on, but it’s the _only_ date she’s ever been on. With that in mind, she’s sad when they finish their food and get the cheque, because that means it’s over. Camila pulls out the money to cover the bill and stops Lauren before she can argue. “Nope, it’s your first ever date, and I’m paying, okay? I have to make sure you know the lengths of my _chivalry_.”

“Okay,” Lauren decides not to argue as they head towards the exit, “but the next date is my treat.”

Camila smiles so brightly at the mention of another date that it makes Lauren’s heart lurch. “Can you cook for me? You’ve mentioned you like to cook, and that pizza you made me was really good. And, you know, isn’t it romantic to have a homecooked meal?”

“Yeah, I can do that,” Lauren replies, and makes a mental note to check through all the recipes she has and make sure the one she uses isn’t one of Ally’s. “Just let me know when you want to do that and I’ll make sure I have the ingredients. And, you know, so I can kick my roommates out.”

Camila laughs, swinging their hands as they walk down the street. “You don’t have to kick them out, they’re nice.”

“Not to me,” Lauren retorts, knowing that she’d have to put up with constant teasing from Alexa and Keana; not so much from Lucy, mostly just because if Lauren looks sad enough, Lucy’s best friend instincts kick in and she feels bad about teasing her. “But yeah, I totally like that idea of cooking for you.”

“Super romantic, isn’t it,” Camila smiles, “man, I’m great at this dating thing! Get on my level, Laur.”

Lauren hums, and she examines Camila’s side profile as the younger Latina walks her down the street. Lauren has always kind of envied Camila’s jawline; even when they were younger, Lauren could see that it would be razor sharp one day, and it _definitely_ is. Everything about Camila seemed to have been perfectly chiselled by whatever powerful force is out there, and for some reason, that powerful force had decided that Camila is _Lauren’s_ other half.

“You’re so perfect,” Lauren murmurs; the words just slip out, and she knows it’s cliché, but she doesn’t care. All she cares about is letting Camila know just how amazing she truly is. “And I promise you that I’ll never do anything to hurt you. This time, I’m doing things right, and I promise you that I’ll treat you right.”

“I know you will,” Camila just smiles, and when they stop in front of the door to Lauren’s apartment building, she pulls her in for a kiss, and it feels just as electric as it felt on New Year’s Eve. The younger girl pulls away much too quickly, fingers tucking Lauren’s loose hair behind her ear. “I had an amazing time. I’ll text you later. Probably later tonight, because you know, _eager beaver_ over here.”

Lauren laughs. “Stop saying _eager beaver_ , it makes you sound like a fifty year old soccer mom.”

“Fifty year old soccer moms are my spirit animal, Lo,” Camila jokes, squeezing Lauren’s hand one last time before letting go. “I know you literally just have to get in an elevator, but text me once you’re in, okay? I’ll do the same, because I know you’re going to ask.”

“I will,” Lauren assures her, and before she walks away, she pulls her back in by the waist for another gentle kiss. “Sorry, couldn’t help myself.”

“Trust me, I know exactly how that feels,” Camila replies, and reluctantly, Lauren lets her go again. “Goodnight, _princesa_.”

Lauren sighs happily, watching her until she’s out of sight, before mumbling “Goodnight, Camz,” and walking into her building.

 **I DID A Q AND GAY**  
_3,345,459 views_  
Camila Cabello --------- SUBSCRIBE: 4M  
Published Jan 6, 2017

“Do you believe in right person, wrong time?” Camila reads the question from her phone, glancing back up at the camera. “I never used to, because if they’re the right person, there _wouldn’t_ be a wrong time, but recently I’ve realised that it _is_ a thing, because I know that I’ve experienced that. I’ve definitely met and fallen for the right person, but at the wrong time, and I think the reason I _thought_ ‘right person wrong time’ wasn’t a thing was because of the way things ended with her. If they ended like _that_ , surely she couldn’t be the right person.”

“But now I know,” Camila smiles, but it’s not her usual bright camera smile. No, this smile is soft and gentle and reserved for one person only, the woman on her mind. “Now I know that she is the right person, and back then, it was the wrong time. And now I’m finally at the _right_ time, and I’ve never been happier.”

_[Write a comment…]_

**Lauren Jauregui** I agree with everything you said about ‘right person, wrong time.’ Funny, I always felt the same way.  
   **Camila Cabello** great minds think alike

 **Camren Updates** oh my god she’s definitely talking about lauren because they were childhood friends and then stopped talking and reconnected oh my god oh my god just KISS already  
   **Camriana Is Real** Um no she’s talking about Ari they broke up but now they’re back together they were SEEN together on NYE and lauren is too ugly for Camila  
    **camren jauregui** first of all your ship is dead, second of all lauren is one of the hottest girls ive ever seen and third of all that nye party??? lauren was camila’s date which means they kissed at midnight and camren is real  
**_View 33 more replies_**

 _l_ _iked by_ **laurenjauregui, allybrooke** _and_ **93,758 others  
camila_cabello: **throwback to a couple weeks back when my fav and i flew back to LA for new years i’m honestly just posting this bc i just hit 3mil insta followers and 4mil subscribers and i want them all to know that **@laurenjauregui** is my favourite person and also that she still sleeps with a stuffed animal BYE  
_2 hours ago_

 **laurenjauregui:** I can’t tell if I should be happy that I’m your favourite person or MAD that you just outed Nala. She’s a very private person!  
   **camila_cabello:** i thought you couldn’t get any cuter but there you go getting cuter!!!  
    **normani:** So when are you two gonna get a room?

 **camilaslauren:** JUST DATE ALREADY!!!  
   **dinahjane97:** I AGREE!!!

__

_liked by_ **alexaferrer, camila_cabello** _and_ **16,034 others  
laurenjauregui: #tbt** Lookin like a couple of extras out of Alvin and the Chipmunks but I just gotta say that **@camila_cabello** is a beautiful mango  
_2 hours ago_

 **camila_cabello:** heck yes i am!!!! and you are a gorgeous melon  
   **dinahjane97:** This is the weirdest flirting i have ever seen lol


	17. 16

“Are you seriously not going to tell me anything?”

Camila smirks as she looks over at Dinah, before she shrugs casually and finishes packing her overnight bag. “Nope.”

“You are the worst best friend in the history of best friends,” Dinah announces, and that _almost_ makes Camila crack. “Come on, you haven’t told me _anything_ about your date with Lauren, and as the number one Camren shipper, I need to know. As the _captain_ , I need to know.”

Camila rolls her eyes. “We went out. It was nice.”

“Oh my god, I need _details_ , and why are you packing an overnight bag?” Dinah asks as Camila zips her backpack up. “Are you going over to her place?”

“Mhm, she’s cooking dinner for me.” Camila announces, and it’s like everything she’d been holding back the last week comes pouring out, “And she likes me back and I think there’s actually going to be a future for us and- and I know it sounds stupid but it was like the best date I’d ever been on because it was with _her_.”

Dinah smiles. “I’m happy you’re so happy, Walz. You deserve it.”

Camila just sighs contently, thinking about Lauren, and when a thought comes to her, she laughs. “Oh god, I just realised that if we _do_ stay together forever, I’m going to have to listen to her sleep-talking about edible panda bears or something just as weird for the rest of my life.”

“Well, everyone has their flaws,” Dinah laughs, “and she probably hates you for putting that in your vlog.”

Camila laughs. “What can I say? It’s quality content.”

“So, uh, how is she handling the _Camriana_ shippers?” Dinah asks, and Camila shrugs, because Lauren hasn’t mentioned anything to her since that one time. “People think you’re back together with her because they could see you sat with her in the background of a picture someone else posted.”

Camila shakes her head. “No, that’s… I don’t see why they’re so attached to it. And I don’t have a problem with them _shipping_ it, it’s just that… that I’ve seen some of them attacking Lauren, calling her ugly, body shaming her, and it makes me worry that it’ll scare her off. I wouldn’t blame her for it if she _did_ decide that being with me is more than she’s bargained for…”

Dinah sends her a comforting smile, but she doesn’t look all that worried. “Mila, it’s pretty obvious that she’s totally head over heels for you. I don’t think something as trivial as that would scare her off.”

Camila hopes so. “Well, I should go, I told her I’d be there for six. Apparently she’s making me a _Lauren Jauregui Specialty Dish_. That’s what she told me over text.”

“Damn, you’ve got her cooking for you?” Dinah laughs. “Three course meal?”

“I think just two courses, which is pretty amazing in itself, considering the most complex thing I can make is _toast_.” Camila replies; Ally has always offered her cooking lessons, but any time they’d _tried_ to do anything, Camila had set something on fire or dropped all of the ingredients, so Ally had decided that it would be safer to outright ban her from everything that isn’t the toaster or the microwave.

(She’s currently on thin ice about the microwave when she’d left popcorn in there and walked back in to find the kitchen clouded with smoke.)

“Have fun, alright?” Dinah says, and as Camila shoulders her backpack, she follows her out of her bedroom. “But not _too_ much. But if you _do_ have too much fun, do tell me.”

“Creeper,” Camila shoves her playfully, “I’ll see you later.”

Dinah grins. “Have fun with your girlfriend.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Camila calls as she runs down the stairs, “ _yet_!”

She walks out of the house, not bothering to lock the door since both Dinah and Ally are at home, and she shoulders her backpack, heading down the driveway. She sends a quick text to Lauren, letting her know she’s on her way, and figures she’ll check her social medias and see how her video is doing before she puts her phone away for the night. That’s another thing she loves about spending time with Lauren; it keeps her off her phone. Camila went through a pretty bad phase where she spent practically every moment on social media, and it was a nightmare. She’s glad that Lauren can get her away from that.

She’s happily scrolling through her Twitter feed as she walks when she sees a post that had been liked and retweeted by a few fans she’d followed back.

**_@CamrenIsPR_ ** _If you look closely on Lauren’s Instagram at her left arm above the XXVII tattoo, you’ll see a track mark. Consistent with taking heroin. Is this the kind of person you want around Camila?_

The moment she reads the tweet, she unfollows any fans she had a mutual with that had liked or retweeted it, and direct messages the account. She’s never gotten angry at a fan before, but _that_ sends her over the edge. _That_ is completely over the line, and it’s something that could potentially ruin everything.

Direct Message with @CamrenIsPR

**_@Camila_Cabello_ ** _excuse me but this tweet is way over the line. you know nothing about lauren or her life and what she’s been through. shipping something different to the ‘popular’ ship among my viewers does not give you the right to attack one half of said ‘popular’ ship, or bring up past traumas. i don’t give a fuck if you think whatever kind of relationship we have is fake or ‘pr’ because we both know the truth and how we feel about each other, but what i do give a fuck about is when people attack the person who means the most to me just because they’d rather i date my ex girlfriend. it’s ridiculous and you should take this whole account down, never mind this one completely out of line tweet. lauren is not on drugs, but you must be if you think something like this is appropriate, and you’re no fan of mine if you’re going to attack someone simply because they make me happy._

She’s aware that the message probably comes across as implying a relationship, but she doesn’t care to read it over before she sends it, blinded by pure rage. She desperately hopes that the tweet will be gone as soon as possible; the last thing she wants is for Lauren to see something like that. She knows what that could do to her; Lauren already hates talking about it.

She’s boiling with rage as she walks, and she’s a little less than chipper when a fan asks for a photo. She lightens up a little when she tells them she has to go, because she’s meeting Lauren, and the girl smiles and says _you guys are so cute. That_ is the kind of fan she wants, and she could _maybe_ understand if Lauren was obviously bad for her, but she’s not. Lauren is perfect, and those people who are hating on her are just bitter that she’s not dating who they want her to date.

When she rings the bell for Lauren’s apartment, she checks her phone, and the account has messaged her back.

**_@CamrenIsPR_ ** _I’m so sorry Camila please don’t hate me I’ll delete this account I promise I’m so sorry_

**_@Camila_Cabello_ ** _i’m not the one you should be apologising to._

She leaves it at that and decides to wait and see how long it takes them to delete the account, tucking her phone into her back pocket and ringing the bell for Lauren’s apartment again.

“ _Password?”_

For a second, she thinks it’s Lucy, but she easily recognises Lauren’s raspy tone. “Um… Lauren Jauregui is the queen of the universe?”

There’s a short pause. _“You may enter.”_

Camila laughs as the door clicks open, and she loves how easily Lauren can calm her down. Just four words through a crackly speaker is enough to make her smile again.

She quickly hops in the elevator, aggressively pressing the button for Lauren’s floor as if that’ll make it go faster, practically running down the hallway to get to the older girl’s apartment. The door opens immediately, and she smirks teasingly at the older girl. “Were you just stood staring through the peephole?”

“I have no shame, and _you_ have no proof,” Lauren retorts, kicking the door shut behind Camila, “what time do you want to eat? I’ve got everything I need, and it doesn’t take that long to cook, so…”

Camila shrugs. “Depends on what you’re even _making_ for me.”

“Pasta, but my special pasta that _is_ probably a thing, but I like to think I made it up,” Lauren says, “one day, I was craving pasta, but I was _also_ craving _tacos_ , so I sort of combined the two. And that’s what I’m making you.”

Camila frowns. “Tacos with pasta in them?”

“Nope. Taco _pasta_. So… like, all of the elements of a beef taco, but in pasta,” Lauren explains, and when Camila still looks sceptical, she laughs, “just trust me, okay? It’s good.”

“Alright,” Camila decides to go with it, “anyway, how have you been the last few days? I feel like we haven’t spoken much.”

“That’s because you’ve been aggressively into your filming and editing, and I’ve been doing schoolwork,” Lauren replies, “I’m okay, though. How are _you_?”

“I’m okay,” Camila says, trying to push the rage she feels towards the fan down. Lauren doesn’t need to know about that. “I missed you, but other than that…”

“Wow, can’t go four days without me?” Lauren smiles teasingly, but Camila can see the faint blush on her cheeks. “That’s a far cry from four years.”

“What? You’re my person, so it’s like, the _rule_ that I need to see you all the time,” Camila shrugs casually, “duh.”

Lauren smiles, and she looks at her so gently that Camila wants to push her down on the couch and kiss her. “I’m your person?”

“Yep,” Camila confirms, “I’ve known it ever since you saved me from that boy.”

“ _Camz_ ,” Lauren blushes, dragging out the _a_ , “stop, my knees are going weak over here and I kind of need to cook for you.”

“Alright, alright,” Camila says, but grabs Lauren’s hand and follows her into the kitchen. “Are your roommates here?”

“Lucy’s at Vero’s for the weekend, Alexa is somewhere and Keana is at her boyfriend’s tonight.” Lauren answers. “I think Alexa is in her room, but I haven’t seen her since I woke up from my nap.”

“Do you ritually nap every day or something?” Camila asks. “And can I come over and film it just so I can make a whole new channel based off what you say when you’re asleep?”

“No and _no_ ,” Lauren shoves her playfully, “I only nap on my long days, but I didn’t get much sleep last night, so I figured it’d be best to get some rest before you came over. Anyway, have you posted your video yet? I feel like a fake fan, I haven’t watched it yet.”

“It’s so cute that you’re all interested,” Camila says, and that doesn’t even _cover_ the excitement she still feels at the pit of her stomach whenever Lauren shows interest in her YouTube. “It was more of a comedy video since the last few I’ve posted have been more sit-down kind of things, and _next_ week I want to do a cover, _wink wink, nudge nudge.”_

Lauren lets out a long sigh, “I already said I’d sing with you, didn’t I?”

“Yay,” Camila grins, and she pulls Lauren in for an excitable hug, “I would let you pick the song, but I have a strong feeling you’d show up with some weird obscure band I’ve never heard of and then I’d look unprepared.”

Lauren frowns as Camila pulls away. “So we’re _not_ doing _Breaking Free_?”

“Good choice, but no,” Camila laughs as Lauren grabs a pot out of a lower cupboard, and she _definitely_ takes a few moments to appreciate her ass. “I actually haven’t decided on the song. Probably something cheesy and acoustic that I can play on my guitar. _Ooh,_ Ed Sheeran maybe?”

“I don’t mind. I’m sure whatever you pick will be great.” Lauren shrugs, getting ready to prepare everything. She already has all of the ingredients weighed out, and when Camila goes to get a handful of the grated cheese, Lauren smacks her hand away. “Hey! I have that all perfectly measured! Keep your grubby hands _off._ ”

“You’re not the boss of _me_ ,” Camila sends her a devilish grin and swerves around Lauren, grabbing a handful of grated cheese from the bowl and tilting her head back, making defiant eye contact with the older girl as she drops it in her mouth.

“Alright, that’s it, _out_ of my home!” Lauren snaps, whirling around and pointing a finger towards the door. “Go on, scram.”

Camila just laughs, swallowing the mouthful of cheese, “Like I said, you’re not the boss of me.”

“Fine, you will be _forcibly ejected_ from the building.” Lauren grabs her by the shoulders and pushes her out of the kitchen, but instead of forcing her over to the door, she pushes her down on the couch. “ _You_ stay there, clearly you can’t be trusted in the kitchen.”

Camila snorts as Lauren stalks back over to the kitchen and starts preparing the penne. “Wow, got myself banned from _two_ kitchens. I’m on a roll.”

Lauren casts a glance over her shoulder, and when she meets Camila’s gaze, she instantly smiles. “Well, you’re not _banned_ , I just strongly recommend that you stay over there.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll let you make your specialty,” Camila pushes herself back against the arm of the couch so she can watch Lauren in the kitchen. She’s used to seeing people cook; she lives with _Ally_ , after all, and most of the time their dinners come from her videos. “I’m excited to taste it.”

“Don’t get your hopes up, you’re probably used to way better,” Lauren dismisses her, and Camila pushes herself off from the couch at the words. “But, you know, it works, and it’s cheap to make, so-”

Lauren cuts herself off when Camila wraps her arms around her waist from behind, pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek. “Don’t put it down. I’m excited because _you’re_ cooking for me, and _you’re_ my _princesa_.”

She feels Lauren’s sharp intake of breath at the pet name, and while she normally doesn’t acknowledge it, she mumbles, “I love that.”

“Yeah?” Camila rests her chin on Lauren’s shoulder and watches as she stirs the pasta, waiting for it to cook. “Sorry for ruining your perfectly measured cheese.”

Lauren turns in Camila’s arms, throwing her arms around Camila’s shoulders, and pulling her in for a quick kiss. “I was being dramatic. It’s normally supposed to be one cup of cheese, but I measured out two because I know you like cheesy stuff. Literally and figuratively.”

It makes Camila’s heart race, something as simple as Lauren weighing out more cheese for her. Everything about this date just feels so _domestic_ , like they’re living together and Camila has just come home from work to see her wife making dinner. It’s the image of everything she’s ever wanted, and when she thinks to the future, that picture doesn’t change; except maybe they have a cat or dog wandering around in the lounge.

The thought makes her lean in for another kiss, and Lauren smiles into it, hand cupping Camila’s jaw. But then, she gasps and abruptly pulls away, smacking Camila’s hands away from her waist. “You’re _such_ a distraction! Get in the lounge.”

Camila pouts when Lauren pulls away from her, checking on the pasta and turning the stove off, putting the lid on the pot. In the second pot, she puts in some ground beef and starts to brown it. “Do you need any help?”

“I can’t tell if you’d help or hinder,” Lauren laughs, “but… um… you could get the lid off the salsa jar? I always have trouble with it.”

Camila snorts, because like _she’d_ be any good at it. But she nods, and makes an attempt at getting the lid off. “I honestly think you’d be better at this than me. Do you need the whole jar?”

“Generally I use half, but if you want to put the whole thing in, we could try it and see what happens?” Lauren offers, but Camila shakes her head, wrestling the lid off the jar and smiling proudly when it pops off. “Hey, you did it! Can you cut the taco seasoning open and pass me that little jug of water?”

Camila does as Lauren says, watching as Lauren drains the fat from the meat into the garbage. She puts it back on the stove and holds her hand out for the taco seasoning, grabbing the jug of water and pouring them both in, mixing it up as she cooks the meat.

“I feel like your little assistant,” Camila laughs, holding out her hand, “I think I deserve an hourly rate.”

Lauren hums. “How’s _zero_ dollars?”

Camila claps a hand to her chest in mock offence. “Wow, are my services really worth nothing to you?”

“Well, I mean, you keep distracting me, so you’re not a very good kitchen assistant,” Lauren replies, and Camila has to admit that she has a point. She watches as Lauren puts the pasta in the pot with the beef once it’s properly seasoned, and pours in the salsa and cheese, stirring them both in. “Alright, almost done. Can you get me two bowls from the cupboard over there, please?”

Camila follows Lauren’s direction and carefully gets two bowls from the cupboard. She makes sure to be _extra_ careful when she gets them out, cautiously placing them by Lauren, who is finishing up and turning the stove off.

Her stomach growls in anticipation as Lauren plates them both up a portion. “Go sit!”

Lauren nods over to the opposite counter; two raised chairs are brought up level to it, and Camila sits, taking the fork Lauren offers her. “Do you and your roommates ever eat dinner together?”

“Not really. If we do, it’s because we’re all going four ways on takeout and watching a show together.” Lauren replies, putting the bowl of pasta in front of her and whirling around to grab her own, before she pulls out her chair and sits down. “Mostly it’s just Lucy and I eating together.”

“Yeah, you guys are really close, right?” Camila comments as she scoops up some pasta on her fork. She hates the little surge of jealousy she gets when she thinks about how close Lauren is with Lucy, because she knows how stupid it is that she’s jealous. Lauren likes her, Lauren is on a fucking _date_ with her, and Lucy is away at her _girlfriend’s_. “This pasta is damn good. Thanks for cooking for me, Lo.”

She means it; it’s actually really nice, and she figures she might try making it herself sometime; with Ally Brooke supervision, obviously.

Lauren sends her an electric smile, her green eyes lit up like fireworks. “Thanks, Camz! I’m glad you like it. Means a lot. I mean, it means a lot that we’re _doing_ this. Being on a date and all that.”

“You’re so cute when you get awkward,” Camila smiles, shovelling more pasta into her mouth; she’s always hated how fast she eats, because everyone _else_ is always still eating when she’s done, and she has to watch them enjoy the food she just vacuumed up. “But I’m glad we’re doing this too. _And_ that we’ll continue to do this. What’re you doing for Spring break?”

“Nothing,” Lauren shrugs, and pauses to chew a forkful of pasta, “I might go back to Miami for the week. Hang out with my mom. I know, I’m absolutely _wild_.”

“Do you want to do something with me?” Camila asks, already making plans in her head, thinking of good vacation spots. “I know I’m not in college or anything, so I don’t _technically_ have a Spring break, but I can ask my boss for a week off. Hold up while I call her.”

She makes a show of putting her phone up to her ear and waiting for a ‘dial tone’ as Lauren laughs at her, and the sound makes the butterflies in her stomach go wild. She isn’t sure if it’s possible for her to adore one human this much, but Lauren makes her feel more than she thought she was capable of.

“Hey, Camila?” Camila dramatically announces into her phone. “Yeah, it’s Camila, I was just wondering if I could have a week off around Lauren’s Spring break? Oh, don’t ask when it is, you totally checked the UCLA semester times already, just let me have the week off, okay? I can? Thanks!”

She fake hangs up and turns to a giggling Lauren, still keeping up her charade. “She says yes, so I’m _totally_ free.”

It takes a few minutes for Lauren to compose herself and she looks up at Camila, laughter still shining in her eyes. “You always know how to make me laugh. And, uh, sure. We could do something. Road trip, maybe? Then again, we’d have to rent a car, since mine is in Miami…”

“I’ll figure something out. Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it,” Camila assures her, and she’s quick to eat the last few mouthfuls of her pasta, before her fork clatters to the bottom of the bowl. “I really liked that. Are there any leftovers?”

“Help yourself,” Lauren gestures over to the pot, only halfway through her portion. “I’m surprised you’re so tiny, the amount you eat.”

“Perks of having a high metabolism,” Camila grins, hopping off her chair and crossing over to the pot, spooning herself a generous amount of pasta. “And also the perks of being surrounded by amazing cooks. You’re definitely making this for me like, every time I come over.”

Lauren blushes, not meeting Camila’s gaze as she mumbles, “it’s not _that_ good.”

“It’s simple, and you know I like simple stuff like chicken nuggets and pizza,” Camila replies, digging into her second helping. It’s a little lukewarm, but still good, and that sparks another conversational topic. “Do you ever eat cold pasta? You know, like leftover pizza, when you have it cold the next morning?”

“Well, if I make this on a night where I have college or work the next day, usually I box up whatever’s left and take it for my lunch, if that answers your question,” Lauren says, and she glances over at the pasta pot. “It’s probably good that you’re here, since it’s a weekend and I’ve got nothing on tomorrow except studying, so it’d go to waste.”

“Put it in the fridge, I’ll take whatever’s left home with me,” Camila assures her, and finishes her second portion just as Lauren finishes her first. “Seriously, that’s damn good.”

“Sometimes I sprinkle tortilla chips on top, like, broken up,” Lauren comments, and Camila wishes she’d done that tonight, “but the really little bits kept getting stuck in my teeth, so I stopped doing that because I can’t _stand_ it when that happens. It’s so annoying, like when…”

Camila is only half listening, head resting on the palm of her hand as she studies Lauren, watching as she talks animatedly. Instead of commenting on what Lauren was talking about, she just smiles and murmurs, “you’re seriously so gorgeous.”

Lauren cuts herself off at the words, and they take a few moments to sink in, but she blushes and busies herself with clearing the bowls away. “You’ve got to stop doing that.”

Camila smiles innocently. “Stop doing what?”

Lauren pouts petulantly. “Stop _flirting_ with me all the time, it’s annoying because it makes me all blushy.”

“Oh, babygirl, that’s just all the more reason for me to do it,” Camila smiles, and Lauren looks all the more frustrated at the pet name. “So, how come you’re a bottom now?”

Lauren chokes at the question, and focuses intently on washing the dishes up. She acts like she hadn’t heard, and Camila had honestly expected that, so she hops from her chair again, slowly approaching Lauren from behind.

Her hand touches Lauren’s waist, and the older Latina jumps slightly, but ignores her. Camila isn’t letting _that_ happen, and her other hand reaches down. She hesitates for a moment, unsure if it’s okay, if Lauren is comfortable with being touched like this. The older girl doesn’t say or do anything to stop her, so Camila’s hand squeezes Lauren’s ass just as she presses a soft kiss right on the older girl’s jaw.

“Not ignoring me now, huh, baby?” Camila murmurs between kisses, and when Lauren finally turns around, she cups her jaw with her hands and guides her into a real kiss. It’s always the same as the first time, but with the added knowledge that Lauren really likes her, and that’s what makes Camila glad Lauren was her first kiss, even with the circumstances.

Lauren pulls away first, and she’s smiling when she kisses Camila’s cheek, murmuring, “let me wash the dishes, idiot.”

Camila just smiles, and lets her go, but her nerves are still alive with the memory of Lauren’s kiss, and that’s enough.

 **ROAST ME**  
_4,000,434 views_  
Camila Cabello --------- SUBSCRIBE: 4.1M  
Published Jan 13, 2017

“This next lovely tweet is from a total _bitch_ ,” Camila announces, but she’s smiling as she looks at the comment, “ _Lauren Jauregui,_ I don’t know who _that_ is, said that the bows I used to wear are bigger than my career, which isn’t even related to the photos I told you all to roast. _Yeah_ , Lauren, well, _you_ used to wear beanies that weren’t even like, fully on your head, and this is a bad comeback so I’m just going to stop talking. Unfollowed, blocked, reported, _bye_.”

_[Write a comment…]_

**Lauren Jauregui** Wow totally got me with the beanie drag I was #roasted  
   **Camila Cabello** well of course i am the master of sass  
    **Lauren Jauregui** A sassassin  
     **Camila Cabello** oh my god i love that  
      **Camren Updates** can you two just get married

 **Camrianaxox** I hate lauren she’s a fucking crackhead  
   **camila loves ariana** i agree can’t c understand that we don’t want anything to do with her in videos??? like she keeps mentioning her in every fucking video it’s so annoying  
    **lauren cabello** Uh maybe because she makes her happy??? What a wild concept

  
_liked by_ **laurenjauregui, dinahjane97** _and_ **103,298 others  
camila_cabello: **this beautiful woman right here cooked me an amazing dinner tonight, thank u **@laurenjauregui** i will definitely be taking the leftovers home oh wait there are none i ate them all already  
_3 hours ago_

 **allybrooke:** I told you to bring leftovers home so I can (kindly) force Lauren to make it with me on my channel! I never get to do collabs, Mila, since you, Dinah and Mani are disastrous in the kitchen!  
   **camila_cabello:** don’t worry i’ll steal lauren’s secret formula and then u can make it yourself and take all the credit  
    **laurenjauregui: @camila_cabello** If you want the recipe you’ve got to get through me and my MUSCLES!  
     **camila_cabello: @laurenjauregui** so………. i don’t really have to get through anything do i  
      **laurenjauregui: @camila_cabello** Shut up bish I could take you  
       **allybrooke: @laurenjauregui @camila_cabello** There will be no violence under my comment, thank you!


	18. 17

“The panda is the captain!”

Camila bursts into a fit of giggles at the words, kissing the top of a sleeping Lauren’s head. “I want to like, _see_ the dreams that relate to whatever outburst you have.”

Lauren stays quiet and unresponsive, obviously, and Camila just holds her as an episode of _Game of Thrones_ plays on the TV. Lauren had forced herself to stay awake even though it’s one of those days where she’d usually have a nap, and she’d finally let herself fall asleep when they’d played an episode that _didn’t have Daenerys in, so it’s fine if I sleep_.

Lauren shifts in her sleep and her shirt rides up, exposing her pale stomach, and Camila traces gentle patterns across her skin, drawing masterpieces in invisible ink. This means something, _Camila_ means something, and even if it might be too soon, she’s planning on making Lauren hers, and then immediately telling her mom when she says yes, because even though Dinah likes to claim the title, Sinu really is Camila’s best friend.

Carefully, Camila detaches herself from Lauren and pauses the episode, walking over to the kitchen to get herself a glass of water. Lauren shifts, sprawling back on the couch, arms wrapping around one of the pillows they keep on there. It’s clearly not a good substitute for Nala, because she blinks, dropping the pillow and yawning. “What time is it?”

“You only slept for like, half an hour,” Camila assures her, taking a sip of her water and crossing back over to the couch. She sits down next to Lauren, giving her a few moments to wake up properly. “Hi, cutie.”

“Hallo,” Lauren yawns again, and her head lands on Camila’s shoulder with a small _thump_. “We still on the boring, no Daenerys episode?”

“Yeah, but it’s not _boring_ ,” Camila laughs, “the other characters are just as good.”

“Mhm, sure, let’s pretend that’s true,” is Lauren’s groggy reply, “I forgot to tell you when I got here, I have a song idea. For the cover you’re forcing me into.”

“Yeah, I _totally_ forced you to say yes,” Camila rolls her eyes, “but sure, give me your suggestion and I’ll learn it. If I like it.”

“Well, they’re both Paramore songs, and definitely their most overrated, but either _Still Into You_ or _The Only Exception_.” Lauren says, and Camila can get behind _The Only Exception_. Admittedly, it’s the only Paramore song she knows, and that’s only because Lauren was such a big fan when they were younger. “I would suggest my favourite, but it’s not that happy, and I figured you’d want something cheesy.”

“No, no, what’s your favourite?” Camila asks. “We can sing whatever you want.”

“Well, either _Pressure,_ _Turn it Off_ or _Misguided Ghosts,_ but like I said, you wanted something cheesy, so…” Lauren trails off, “we’ll do _The Only Exception,_ because I know you know it.”

“Alright, I’ll figure out the chords on my guitar and we’ll film like… next week or something,” Camila decides, promising herself she’ll start learning it tonight. “But I’m definitely going to listen to those other songs, now I know they’re your favourites.”

“Camz, you don’t have to, I know you’re not into that stuff,” Lauren blushes, but Camila just shakes her head, already making a mental note to learn at least one of them on guitar to sing to Lauren at a later date. “It’s fine, seriously.”

Camila just kisses the top of her head. “Don’t worry about it, I like doing things that make you happy. It makes me smile to see-”

“Oh my gosh, and who do we have here!” Ally bursts into the room, Dinah following her with her camera, and Camila sees the signature blonde Yolanda wig. She takes one look at Lauren’s _what the fuck_ expression and cracks up. “It’s the internet’s favourite couple! _Camren_! Can I get an interview? You know, everyone loves my videos, I’m so famous you won’t believe it! Give us a statement!”

She waves her ‘microphone’, aka her hairbrush, in their faces, and Lauren just stares in complete confusion. Camila laughs and grabs the hairbrush. “Hi, Yolanda, it’s a _pleasure_ to be on your show again! But I can’t say I know what you’re talking about. _Camren?_ What the hell is that?”

Ally snatches the hairbrush back. “Playing dumb? Maybe Lauren will give us the scoop we want! Lauren, why don’t you give my many, _many_ fans an inside scoop on you and your life, I’m sure they’d love to get to know the other, _nicer_ half of _Camren_.”

Lauren just blinks at Ally, and Camila figures it’s a lot to take in when she’s just woken up. Camila grins, squeezing her hand, “Just roll with it.”

“Um… hi?” Lauren looks at Camila, who nods encouragingly. “I’m- I’m Lauren and- uh, I don’t really know what to tell you, I’m kind of boring.”

Ally looks back at the camera incredulously. “Boring? Nobody on _my_ show is boring. Tell us about your aspirations, about your relationship with Camila, about-”

“Like Camila said, we don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lauren catches on, and meets Camila’s eye with a small smile. “And, uh, I want to go into crime scene forensics?”

“Come on, give us the juicy details!” Ally says it more to the camera than to them, “Tell us all about how you’re _allegedly_ already engaged? I mean, talking about _rushing_ , am I right?”

Camila snorts, “We could talk about how you’re _allegedly_ not a natural blonde.”

Ally gasps. “Camila Cabello, always so _mean_. I don’t know why I keep inviting you back onto this show. Come on guys, clearly we’re not going to get any gossip from these two, let’s go and find the always lovely Normani Kordei and see if she has any exclusive news for us!”

As Ally leaves the room _twerking_ at the camera, Dinah trying not to laugh as she films, Lauren turns to her looking a little stunned. “What just happened?”

Camila chuckles. “She does these skits on her channel where she interviews other YouTubers and plays a character called Yolanda.”

“And she just bursts in without any warning and interviews you?” Lauren stares in the direction that Ally and Dinah had gone in. “That’s…”

“It’s fun! Most of the time, we know she’s doing it. The first time I met her she asked if we could collab because Yolanda videos are the only time she ever really gets to collab.” Camila replies. “There aren’t that many cooking channels that are her size.”

“Oh, okay.” Lauren shrugs the encounter off and cuddles up to Camila again. “Were you… uncomfortable with the questions she asked?”

Camila’s brows furrow in confusion. Obviously she knows what Lauren is asking, but she doesn’t see why she would be. “No, I mean, it’s a joke, right? There _are_ a lot of rumours… and I know that those rumours have some truth to them, but it’s still just some lighthearted, self-aware joking.”

Lauren purses her lips in thought. “But we’re not together. I mean, I know that we’re _seeing_ each other, but you could be… seeing other people too.”

Camila eyes her suspiciously. “Are _you_ seeing other people?”

“No,” Lauren shakes her head, “but I’m just saying, it’s not like you’re… like we’re together, and I just don’t want anything to complicate whatever it is that we have.”

Camila frowns, reaching out to tuck Lauren’s stray hairs behind her ear. “You want simplicity?”

“In a nutshell, yeah.” Lauren agrees. She sighs, and Camila can see the distress in her eyes; she can _always_ read what Lauren is thinking just from looking at her eyes. “I just don’t want any outside factors coming in and ruining everything. I feel like I have to be so careful, because what I have with you… it’s precious to me. I don’t want to make one wrong move and see the whole thing fall to pieces, so I never know what to say, especially when the cameras are on.”

Camila’s heart positively melts, and she cups Lauren’s jaw, guiding her into a soft kiss, hoping it’ll reassure her, to tell her everything is okay, that nothing could change her mind about this. “That’s so cute, but I promise you, you have nothing to worry about. I completely adore you, and honestly… you want simplicity, I’m going to give you it.”

Lauren frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Lauren Michelle Jauregui,” Camila prefaces, taking both of Lauren’s hands in hers, “honestly, I figured I’d ask you this in a much more romantic context, but I genuinely just can’t wait, so… will you do me the absolute _honour_ of being my girlfriend?”

She asks it easily, casually, like she’s not been completely shitting herself over it. She’d wanted to be the one to ask Lauren, since she’d kind of wanted to ask the question for her whole entire _life_. She looks at Lauren in anticipation, and the older girl just smiles, kissing her cheek and snuggling her face into her neck.

“Yes,” Lauren says, pulling away to look her in the eyes, and that’s when Camila sees the pure happiness radiating in the electric green. “A million times yes.”

“Not to be weird, but I’m going to go and do a happy dance now,” Camila jokes, but she pulls Lauren close again and holds her tight. No, she holds her _girlfriend_ in her arms, and kisses the top of her head. “I think we should go out to lunch to celebrate. I think I’m craving twenty chicken nuggets with-”

“With barbecue sauce,” Lauren finishes for her, and when Camila helps her up from the couch, she smiles softly. “I know, I remember.”

Camila’s stomach flips. “I noticed that you remembered the day we met up for lunch. Honestly, I was kind of shitting myself for that, but I’m so fucking glad that I let you back in. Even though I never expected any of this from it.”

“I was scared too. I made sure to wake up super early and shower for twice as long and do my makeup to perfection and then I was all ready to set off and realised I couldn’t find my fucking keys,” Lauren laughs, shaking her head at the memory, “I usually leave them by the door so I could just grab and go, but Lucy had gone out to the store the night before and because _my_ keys were there, she took them and didn’t put them back. When I got them back I basically _sprinted_ to McDonalds because I was worried you’d leave.”

Camila’s stomach drops with guilt. “I almost did. I figured you weren’t coming and I didn’t want to look like a loser who got stood up.”

Instead of looking upset, Lauren just shrugs, an easy smile on her face. She takes Camila’s hand and tugs her out into the foyer. “Can’t blame you for that. Anyway, get your shoes on, I think I want a cheeseburger.”

“Do you always just get a double cheeseburger and a small drink? No fries?” Camila asks, easily slipping on her worn pair of Vans. “Because when we were younger, you almost always got a Big Mac.”

“I don’t really like fries that much, so I figured I wouldn’t waste the calories,” Lauren answers, plopping down on the bottom stair and going to pull her shoes on. “And I’ve discovered that the double cheeseburgers, while simple, are damn good.”

“You don’t like _fries_ , you don’t like _chocolate_ , you don’t like _candy_ ,” Camila lists, grabbing her keys as Lauren stands up and pulls on her bomber jacket. “What kind of a psycho _are_ you?”

“I’m the psycho who’s your _girlfriend_ ,” Lauren retorts, and Camila feels fuzzy at the words, “wow, I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of hearing that. I’m your _girlfriend_. Hello, yes, I’m Lauren. Oh, her? Camila? Yes, I’m Camila’s girlfriend.”

Camila laughs, grabbing Lauren’s hand and pulling her out of the front door, not bothering to lock it. “You’re so adorable. My girlfriend is adorable!”

“And so is mine! Looks like we both win,” Lauren sends her that adorable toothy grin that lights up her entire face, “For real, though. I’m so happy. Want to phase back to September and walk up to the Lauren and Camila at the grocery store and tell them that by January we’d be dating?”

“I think I’d spontaneously combust,” Camila laughs, “there’s always been a part of me that still had feelings for you. I never even _realised_ until I saw you.”

“I mean, I barely even realised back then, so you’re still way ahead of me,” Lauren jokes, and Camila laughs, kissing her cheek as they walk down the street, not caring about who sees. “I like that our first official date as real girlfriends is to _McDonald’s_. We’re super classy.”

“Hey, McDonald’s is damn good, don’t bash it,” Camila grins, pulling her further down the street, her stomach growling in anticipation, “I’ll pay, since you paid back in September.”

“I like that you _remembered_ that,” Lauren comments, and when she drops her hand, Camila’s heart seems to sink on instinct, but it basically soars when Lauren throws an arm around her shoulders instead. “But sure, I think I’ll let my _girlfriend_ treat me to a cheeseburger.”

“Nah, fuck that, you’re getting a Big Mac and then I’ll eat all your fries,” Camila taps her temple with a finger, “see? I’m smart.”

“Oh! I should text Lucy and tell her, she kept annoying me and asking when I was going to make you mine officially, but I’m kind of a chicken, so the answer was _never_ ,” Lauren snorts, pulling her phone from her pocket with her free hand and sending a quick text. “She was the first person I told when I realised I was still crushing on you _after all these years.”_

Camila gets the reference, rolling her eyes. “I knew you knew that was about you!”

Lauren snorts. “I mean, I’d have to immensely stupid not to know _that_ , but you never approached me about it, and I know your songs are the way you vent. I figured if you’re getting those feelings _out_ , then you wouldn’t want me pushing that onto you.”

“I’ve written some other songs about you, actually. Some are _monstrously_ old, but like, other recent ones,” Camila says, thinking about one of those songs in particular. “I’ll play them for you some time. They’re actually like, for an intended EP. Like I said about a million years ago, I’ve been in talks with some producers for a while. They’re drawing up a contract so all I need to do is-”

“Give the contract to me before you do anything,” Lauren instructs her, and Camila is a little surprised by how serious she is. “You won’t understand any of it, and for all you know, you could be signing your soul away to Satan. Plus, you know, you’re looking at the _top of the class_ for Contract Law. I found out my grade the other day and I fucking _killed_ it, so…”

Camila smiles, and as she rounds the corner to McDonald’s, she ducks out from under Lauren’s arm, grabs her hand and pulls her towards the big golden M. “Alright, I promise I’ll let you be my cute little lawyer and read it through before I do anything.”

Lauren is a little startled by the sudden sprint, but she smiles as Camila pulls her through the automatic doors. “Shall I go find us a seat?”

“Yeah, but, wait,” Camila stops her as she goes to drop her hand, and pulls her closer by the waist. “Can I kiss you?”

Lauren hums. “I think that’d be acceptable.”

“You’re such a weirdo,” Camila murmurs, pulling her in for a quick kiss, before she grins and announces, “well? What’re you waiting for, go get us a seat?!”

Lauren looks after her with a fond smile, and Camila can practically _feel_ her eyes on her as she skips over to one of the self-service kiosk things, not wanting to talk to any strangers today.

She orders both the meals and pays quickly, laughing at the words _nugget share box_ on her receipt, because like hell is she going to _share_ anything. When her number is called, she grabs the tray and scans the room for Lauren, finding her easily at a booth by the window. She slides into the opposite bench and puts the tray in the middle of the table. “Bone apple teeth!”

Lauren laughs at her joke, but she laughs at _all_ of her jokes, so it’s not that surprising. She grabs her Big Mac box from the tray and opens it up, pouring a small handful of fries into the lid of the box, before she pushes the rest over to Camila. “Alright, there’s your fries. Can I have a nugget?”

If anyone else had asked, Camila would’ve unfriended them right then and there, blocked them on _all_ social media and completely ghosted them, but because it’s _Lauren_ , she pushes the box over to her. “Of course. Take your pick.”

Lauren smiles the cutest smile and takes a random nugget from the top, dumping it on top of her small portion of fries. “Tanks, Camzi.”

It’s worth being down a nugget just for _that_ , and Camila flashes her a smile across the table. “No problem.”

As she rips off the lid of her barbecue sauce and dips her first nugget in, she looks across the table at Lauren, who blushes after she swallows a bite of her Big Mac. Camila leans over, grabbing a napkin, and wipes a little sauce from the corner of the older girl’s mouth.

“Thank you,” Lauren says, eating a French fry. “So, since we’re singing for your video next week, what’s your video for this week? I guess you’ve already finished editing since it’s Thursday and we’re hanging out.”

“You’ll just have to wait and see,” Camila teases her, but when Lauren pouts, she easily relents, “I did smash or pass. It’s like, a recent trend, so… better hop on that.”

“You know I’ll be the first to watch,” Lauren smiles, and she pauses for a few moments to take a few bites of her burger. “I _hit that notification bell_.”

“You’d _better_ have or you’d be _dumped_ instantly,” Camila jokes, “but enough about _me_. You said you got all your grades back?”

“Nothing less than an A, which means I’ve maintained by GPA even _with_ a distraction like you hovering around,” Lauren teases her, and Camila scoffs at being called a distraction. She knows she _is_ , but she doesn’t need to be called out on it. “And now I get to relax until like, end of February when deadlines start creeping up for essays. I’ve actually already started on one of them, but that’s only because it’s a topic that interests me.”

“I’m proud of you for doing so great!” Camila smiles, dipping a nugget into her barbecue sauce. “Always knew you were a nerd.”

Lauren sticks her tongue out mockingly. “I don’t deny my nerd status.”

“I know, and that’s what I like about you,” Camila smiles, digging into Lauren’s leftover fries, “that you’re _you._ You’re dorky and you sleep with your stuffed animal and you care about fictional characters like they’re real people and I just… that’s what I like. Even if it brings down my street cred to hang out with a nerd like you.”

Lauren nudges her foot under the table. “Don’t act like you’re not just as nerdy.”

“Alright, alright,” Camila relents, nudging her back, “you got me there.”

“But that’s why we’ve always clicked. We’re both as weird and dorky as each other,” Lauren says, and when she steals another nugget, Camila doesn’t even care. “You’re right. We’re like two halves of the same heart and I’m lucky I found you again.”

Camila just smiles. “Nope, luck has nothing to do with it. You’re the right person and now it’s finally the right time. Fate.”

“Yeah,” Lauren echoes, “fate.”

 **SMASH OR PASS**  
_3,984,487 views_  
Camila Cabello -------- SUBSCRIBE: 4.2M  
Published Jan 27, 2017

“ _thedinahsty_ suggested good ole Dinah Jane Hansen,” Camila reads the tweet, laughing, “you know, I probably wouldn’t smash Dinah. She’s like a sister to me, that’s weird, so… pass.”

She scrolls past the few tweets mentioning her ex, and when she sees the tweet she’s kind of been looking for, she grins. “CabelloJauregui97 says Lauren Jauregui, and like, is that even a question? Smash. A hundred percent. But also like, take out to a nice dinner and make her feel special and cherished, you know?”

She turns back to her phone, carrying on reading out names like she hadn’t basically admitted she likes Lauren. “ _cabelloxhansen_ said…”

_[Write a comment…]_

**Camren Is Real** she said she’d take lauren on a date she said she’d take lauren on a date oh my god my ship is sailing  
   **camren jauregui** I love them so much  
    **camrianaslove** you’re wrong she’s only saying that because she knows talking about it gets more comments and likes

 **Dinah Jane Hansen** girl whatchu talkin about??? You don’t wanna smash this??? Your loss bish I’m hot as hell  
   **Camila Cabello** dinah you’re straight  
    **Dinah Jane Hansen** Um don’t talk to me if you aint finna smash  
     **Camila Cabello** fine i take it back i’ll smash  
      **Dinah Jane Hansen** I don’t want a pity smash fuck you

 **Lauren Jauregui** I’ll take you up on that nice dinner ;)  
   **Camila Cabello** pick you up at seven  
    **camila jauregui** oh my god?????????

 **YOLANDA GETS THE CAMREN TEA**  
_2,958,450 views_  
Ally Brooke ---------- SUBSCRIBE: 3.9M  
Published Jan 29, 2017

“And as you all saw them cuddling on the couch earlier, we _all_ know the truth behind Camren,” Ally announces to the camera, “it’s only a matter of time before we find out, but you heard it here first on _my_ show, the _only_ show on YouTube that has ever reached one hundred billion views – don’t look that up – and come back next time for all the exclusive gossip with me, your gorgeous, _booty_ ful host.”

_[Write a comment…]_

**Camila Cabello** whats a camren is that a kind of disease  
   **Lauren Jauregui** No, I think it’s a type of weird exotic fruit that nobody has ever heard of. Probably not important.  
    **Camila Cabello** you know what lern i think ur right

  
_liked by_ **laurenjauregui, lucyvives** _and_ **129,347 others  
camila_cabello: **thursday, jan. 26, 2017. that’s not when this pic was taken but i feel like it perfectly sums up our relationship aka me being annoying and you just rolling with it. today, jan 26 2017 was one of the best days of my life, and it’ll be a date i’ll always remember, one of those important ones that sticks in my head. today was one of the most special, important days i’ve ever had with you, and you know why so i don’t need to say it. i can’t wait to annoy you on all the other days of the year. thank you **@laurenjauregui** for being so wonderful to me, and i’m so glad i have you as my partner in crime on this wild ride called life.  
_5 hours ago_

 **laurenjauregui:** You’re my everything.   
   **camila_cabello:** don’t deny i’m annoying then  
    **laurenjauregui:** You said it, not me.  
     **camila_cabello:** :O


	19. 18

**PARAMORE: THE ONLY EXCEPTION COVER BY CAMILA CABELLO FT. LAUREN JAUREGUI**  
_5,098,486 views_  
Camila Cabello -------- SUBSCRIBE: 4.3M  
Published Feb 3, 2017

“So,” Camila strums a random chord on her guitar, looking over at Lauren and seeing the adoration in her eyes, “Lauren picked the song, because like I said ages ago, she never left her emo phase.”

Lauren rolls her eyes. “I picked it because I love Paramore and this is the only song of theirs that you know, you _normie_.”

“You did _not_ just say that,” Camila snorts, shoving her lightly, but Lauren just smiles and shuffles up next to her, their thighs touching. “You know, actually, I think I’ve got a better song, yeah, it’s a Camila Cabello original, called _Lauren Jauregui Sucks_.”

“Wow, and you say _I’m_ mean,” Lauren laughs, before she taps the wooden body of Camila’s favourite black Taylor acoustic. “Are we going to sing or not?”

“Alright, alright,” Camila rolls her eyes and gets her fingers ready in the first chord position. Glancing up at the camera for the only time until her outro, she says, “here we go, guys,” and starts to strum.

_[Write a comment…]_

**Camren Is Real** This is THE gayest video on the internet like they barely looked at the camera and just spent the entire song making heart eyes at each other??

 **HansenCabello1997** i’ll admit… i wasn’t a camren shipper but that look lauren gives camila at 4:19 when she sings “i’m on my way to believing” i-  
   **camren jauregui** that’s love bitch!!!

 **Lauren Jauregui** Thanks for making me do this.  
   **Camila Cabello** making you?????? sis i said u didn’t have to and u were like FINE LOL  
    **Dinah Jane Hansen** wow whipped

“Hey, wake up, idiot.”

Camila blinks the sleep out of her eyes, and for a moment, she’s a little confused, her brain still clogged with sleep. The words sink in, and she frowns, “Don’t call me an idiot.”

“Fine, wake up, dumbass,” Lauren shoves her again, and Camila wonders what she’s doing here; they hadn’t made plans to meet today. “Come on, get up, we have plans!”

“We do?” Camila pushes herself up onto her elbows and meets her girlfriend’s bright green eyes. “Since when?”

“Since right now!” Lauren announces, holding out a mug. “Here. Hot chocolate, I made it. Sorry about breaking into your house, and by the way, it’s not a smart idea to leave a key under your mat when you have like, four million subscribers who’d probably break in just to get a photo.”

Camila rolls her eyes, but takes the mug and has a sip. _God_ , she loves Lauren’s hot chocolate, even this, sans marshmallows and whipped cream. “Do you want to explain to me what you’re doing here and why you woke me up early?”

“Early?” Lauren’s nose crinkles in confusion, “Camz, it’s like one in the afternoon. I just finished one of my essays and thought you’d be up by now. What time did you go to sleep last night?”

“Around four. I stayed up late trying to perfect our video, since I took a week off last week so I could practice for it. I just want it to be perfect, you know? You were absolutely flawless, it was me, I fucked up one of the chords on the bridge and I could _tell_ -” Camila cuts herself off with a sigh. “I just want it to _work_ , so I stayed up stressing about it, and _then_ once I’d finally decided that I’d got the best quality I could, I stayed up to make sure it uploaded so it can just auto unprivate itself today.”

“Camz, that’s… next time you’re up so late, call me, okay?” Lauren says, and Camila’s stomach flips at the words. “I’ll keep you company.”

“Anyway, what’s up, what’re you here for?” Camila asks, and Lauren smiles a little elusively. “What? What’s that look for?”

Lauren meets her gaze and her eyes sparkle with adventure. “Well, I kind of hate Valentine’s Day. It’s next Tuesday. And I figure we should make today, February 10th, our anti Valentine’s Day. Because like, fuck the consumerist holiday that is Valentine’s Day, but also… I’m a romantic, so…”

“So you still want to do something,” Camila finishes for her. She reaches over to her bedside table and takes a sip of her water. “Alright, I’m down for that. Let me get ready, okay? Do you already have something you want to do?”

“I don’t know, honestly,” Lauren flops down on her bed next to her. “I was thinking, but anything I came up with just seemed kind of _boring_. Like, sure, a romantic dinner is important, but it’s not _exciting_.”

Camila frowns in thought, and an idea comes to her, something she knows would easily be confirmed if she was going with Dinah or Normani or Ally, but with Lauren, she isn’t sure. With Lauren, she could have work or an important meeting for school, even if it _is_ the weekend.

“What?” Lauren picks up on her inquisitive expression. “What’s wrong?”

“Do you have anything on this weekend?” Camila asks. “And what time are you at school on Monday?”

“Um… no, I’m free all weekend, and I’m not in until eleven.” Lauren answers both of her questions, eyeing her suspiciously. “Why?”

Camila smiles a little deviously, pushing herself up from her bed. “I have a plan. But it’ll take the whole weekend.”

Lauren sits up on her elbows, frowning over at her as Camila digs through her closet for something to wear – basically just picking out her favourite skinny jeans and deciding which colour flannel to wear that day. “Why? What’re you thinking?”

“I sort of don’t want to tell you, just because I don’t want you to say _no_ ,” Camila laughs, nodding over to her bathroom. “I’m just going to go shower, okay? By the way, do you know if we could borrow a car from someone?”

Lauren blinks, and the last thing Camila sees before she shuts her bathroom door is her surprised expression. “Borrow a _car_?”

Camila laughs to herself as she turns her shower on, quickly getting out of her pyjamas and setting her fresh clothes aside. As she waits for it to heat up, she brushes her teeth, hoping that Lauren knows someone who can lend them their car; she could ask Normani as a last resort, but she has a strong feeling she’d say no.

Once the shower heats up and she’s finished brushing her teeth, she makes sure to be quick, skipping her conditioner. When she gets out of the shower, she quickly wrings her hair out, pulling on her underwear and jeans and putting her bra on. Because her hair is still dripping, she picks up the shirt she’s planning to wear and walks out without it on.

“Hey, so, I messaged Lucy because- _oh_ ,” Lauren looks up from her phone, bright green eyes widening when she sees that Camila is basically _shirtless_. Her jaw works, like she’s going to say something, and Camila just smirks to herself, digging around by her dresser for her hairdryer.

Aware of Lauren’s eyes on her as she bends down to grab her hairdryer, she asks, “What were you saying, Lo?”

“Oh, uh,” Lauren’s voice cracks a little, “um- just… messaged Lucy. We can- um… hold on, I can’t… remember.”

She busies herself with looking down at her phone, and Camila smirks. Leaving her hairdryer on her dresser, she crosses back over to her bed, and sees that Lauren isn’t even looking at her texts, she’s just staring down at her lock screen.

She puts two fingers under Lauren’s chin and tilts it up so green meets brown. Smirking, she tilts her head to the side and examines the older girl. “Something wrong, Lo?”

Lauren shakes her head as Camila shifts so she’s straddling her waist, fingers playing with her hair. “You sure about that?”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, and Camila feels her let out a deep breath. Leaning down and kissing across her jaw, Lauren sighs. “You know exactly what you’re doing to me, don’t you?”

“Mhm,” Camila murmurs, finally bringing her in for a real kiss. “I guess you could say I’m kind of a tease.”

“Okay, well, fuck off, your hair is dripping on me,” Lauren gives her a soft nudge, and Camila sighs, relenting. She walks back over to her dresser, and she’s plugging her hairdryer in when Lauren talks again. “Camz? You have a really amazing figure.”

“Thanks, Lo,” Camila’s heart flutters at the compliment. “So, do you know anything about a car?”

“Oh, yeah, um,” Lauren actually _does_ look at her messages this time, “Lucy says we can borrow hers, she never uses it anyway since everything she needs to get to is walking distance and LA traffic sucks. Why do we even _need_ a car?”

“I think we should go on a road trip for the weekend. Just… pick a direction and _drive_. Find a cheap ass hotel and stay there tonight, do the same thing somewhere else tomorrow night and get back here for Sunday night.” Camila explains, toying with the switch on her hairdryer. “We don’t have to, but… it could be fun.”

Lauren seems to take the idea in, tilting her head to the side in consideration. “Yeah. Yeah, we could do that.”

Camila grins. “Perfect! Tell Lucy I said thanks, and shut up and let me dry my hair.”

Lauren rolls her eyes, and Camila sends her an innocent smile before flicking the switch on her hairdryer. She tries to dry it as quickly as she can; she’s hoping that they’ll just drive for however long they feel like, maybe find a cute restaurant and have two consecutive date nights.

When she’s finished drying her hair, she quickly sprays herself with some deodorant and then dives back onto her bed, wrapping her arms around Lauren in a tight hug. “Happy anti-Valentine’s Day weekend.”

“Yeah, you too,” Lauren laughs, before she pries Camila off of her and stands up, stretching. “Alright, let’s walk to my place. Lucy’s car keys are by the door so I can run up and grab them and then we can go down to the basement in the elevator and get the car out.”

“Oh, is _that_ what the basement is? Parking?” Camila asks, and Lauren hums in confirmation. “Alright, yeah, I’m not going down there alone so I’ll come up and collect the keys with you. I’ve seen to many horror movies where someone is alone in a parking garage.”

“Alright, that’s fair,” Lauren takes her hand as they walk out of Camila’s bedroom, following her down the stairs. As she sits down to put her shoes on, she frowns. “Aren’t you going to tell your roommates where you’re going?”

“Oh, they won’t notice,” Camila jokes, but sends a quick text in the group chat to let them know she’s going on a road trip with Lauren and that she’ll be back on Sunday. “Alright, are you ready to- _wait_ , I need to pack a bag!”

Lauren snorts with laughter as Camila darts back up the stairs to throw some clothes and her phone charger into a backpack. She grabs her toothbrush from the bathroom, stuffing it in her bag, and runs back down the stairs, swinging the backpack onto her shoulders and grabbing Lauren’s hand.

Lauren raises her perfectly bushy eyebrows. “Ready to go?”

“Yep,” Camila grins, tugging her out of the door. She locks it, not sure if anyone else is in, and follows her girlfriend down the driveway. “You know, it’s a good thing you have your license, or this wouldn’t be possible.”

“Yeah, I totally got it purely because I had a premonition that we’d be doing this,” Lauren sarcastically replies, “didn’t need it for anything else.”

“No, of course not,” Camila laughs, before she picks up the pace a little and tugs Lauren’s arm. “Come on, we’ve got to get set off, half the day is gone!”

“Didn’t seem so concerned when half the day was gone when you woke up,” Lauren teases her, but Camila keeps tugging her along and she lets out a resigned sigh. “Alright, alright, see if you can keep up with me!”

Lauren lets go of her hand and sprints ahead, and Camila struggles to keep up, calling after her, “Hey, Lauren, no, wait up!”

-

“When do you want to stop driving?”

Lauren glances over at her for a moment, but shrugs and sends her a soft smile. “I don’t mind. Whenever we feel like it.”

Camila laughs. “We should just like, drive to Mexico. We could, in theory.”

“We couldn’t in practice since we don’t have our passports,” Lauren points out, and Camila just pouts. Lauren tries to ignore how cute she is and focuses on the road. “What? Don’t look all upset!”

Camila cracks a smile. “Don’t worry, I’m not. Can I steal the aux cord?”

“Sure,” Lauren nods, and Camila quickly plugs it in, clearly indecisive over whichever song she wants to put on. “What song do you-”

“Can I tell my audience that you’re my girlfriend?”

The question takes Lauren off guard, mostly because it was blurted out and completely off topic, and when it finally sinks in, she doesn’t have an automatic answer. “I thought you wanted to keep it a secret? Because of how things went with your ex.”

“It’s not that I want to keep it a secret, I want people to know so I can post cute pictures and call you my girlfriend like everyone else would,” Camila tries to explain. “It’s like… Ariana and I would use the ship name and clickbait with it and kiss for thumbnails and while it _was_ a real relationship, it was also… it was also like a _show_. That’s probably why people were so invested in it, because it was like a ship on TV, the way we used it.”

Lauren tries to wrap her brain around that. “So you want to be… _open_ , but not?”

“I guess?” Camila frowns. “I guess I just don’t want to have to hold back with you if a camera happens to be on. I don’t want to _use_ our relationship for monetary gain, I don’t want it to be a _ship_ first and a _relationship_ second, but I don’t want to keep it a secret. I want to be able to kiss you when a camera is on, but because I want to kiss you, not because there’s a camera on. You know what I mean?”

“I think so,” Lauren slowly replies, “so… you want to make an announcement of some kind?”

“Not really, maybe just sort of… drop it in an Instagram post? Say that you’re my girlfriend, but don’t make it a big deal,” Camila muses, shrugging, “I don’t know. You haven’t even told me if you’re comfortable with it.”

Lauren nods, and on a whim, takes the next exit off the freeway. “Of course I am.”

“Are you sure?” Camila asks, and Lauren finds it so sweet that she’s double checking. “I know you’re not ashamed of your sexuality or anything, but I also know that you don’t- um, quote, _prance around wearing rainbows_.”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, because while that _is_ the case, it’s mostly just because she doesn’t like being the _bisexual_ friend. If she comes out, it’s suddenly the most interesting thing about her, but it’s _not_ , and that’s what annoys her.

But that’s not important here. People will be more focused on the fact that she’s with Camila, not the fact that she’s bisexual. “I’m okay with you telling your audience. Seriously. Just as long as it doesn’t become like you said. Like a show for views.”

“Good, and it won’t. I want to protect what we have just as much as you do.” Camila assures her. “I just don’t want to have to pretend that you’re just my friend. It was funny when we were casually dating, to mess with people, but you’re… you’re my girlfriend now, and I want you to _stay_ my girlfriend for… forever.”

“Oh, really? I wanted you to stay my girlfriend for five weeks and three days, but after that it’s over,” Lauren teases her, quickly meeting Camila’s gaze before she looks back at the road. “Babe, of course I feel the same way. And they’re going to find out sooner or later, and I’d rather it be from you in a casual Instagram post than some gossip account that makes it like a reality show.”

“First of all, call me babe more often because it made my stomach go funny,” Camila announces, and Lauren nods, mumbling _sure_ in response, “and second, I prefer that too, so we’re going to find the nearest town, get a hotel and go out for a nice dinner and take pictures and then… I’ll post something cute.”

“Alright.” Lauren nods, “I like this, this exploration thing.”

Camila smiles, and finally settles on a song to play. Lauren recognises it as a Taylor Swift song, remembering that it’s Camila’s favourite, _Enchanted_. She smiles as Camila sings along; she’s always adored her voice.

She’s singing along to the chorus when Camila nudges her, “There’s a hotel there, let’s just go, and since there are a few restaurants nearby, we can just have a look around and see what we want to eat.”

“Sounds good, babe,” Lauren replies, and she sees Camila’s smile out of the corner of her eye. Pulling into the hotel’s car park, she finds a space and cuts the engine out. “I’ll just run in and see if they have any rooms, okay? Saves us getting the bags out.”

Camila nods, and Lauren goes to get out of the car, but she quickly pulls her back in for a kiss before she goes. Lauren pulls away with a smile. “Jesus, Camz, I’ll be like five seconds.”

“You’ve always got to kiss your girlfriend goodbye, Lo. That’s just like, basic etiquette.” Camila teases her, pushing her towards the door. “Go on, get out of here.”

Lauren shoots her one last smile before she gets out of the car, crossing the crowded parking lot. She has a feeling based off of the amount of cars parked that they’ll probably have to move on and find somewhere else, so she heads into the lobby and gets in the line for the checkout desk.

“Lauren?”

Lauren blinks at the sound of her name, especially because she doesn’t recognise the voice. She turns around, trying to figure out who said that, or if someone even said it and she’s just so tired from driving that she’s imagining things. She steps forwards in the line for the counter and locks eyes with a girl stood with her mother.

“Hi,” The girl awkwardly announces, “wow, you’re really pretty in person.”

“Um, do I know you?” Lauren blurts out, before the compliment registers and she adds, “oh, thank you, too.”

“No, um, I’m just- a fan of Camila’s.” The girl says, and Lauren lets out an _oh_ in realisation. “Can I get a picture?”

Lauren nods over to the automatic doors behind her. “Oh, sure, I’ll go get Camz, she’s in the car.”

“Oh, okay, I meant with you, but…” The girl trails off, and Lauren frowns in confusion. This has happened before, and she doesn’t really know _why_. It’s not like she’s a YouTuber too.

The man working the check in desk calls her forwards, and Lauren turns back to the girl, “Give me five minutes, okay? I just need to check if a room is available.”

The girl nods, and Lauren walks up to the desk, quickly asking if there’s a room available. The man behind the desk checks, and looks up from his computer, “Double or twin? We have both.”

“Double,” Lauren answers without thinking, because she and Camila always share beds, and she definitely wants to cuddle her. “I’ll just go get our bags, thanks.”

She smiles at the girl before she jogs out of the automatic doors and over to the car. She pops the trunk and gets their bags out, and Camila hops out of the car, pulling her in for a kiss. “I missed you.”

“I was gone for five minutes,” Lauren laughs, but pulls her in by the waist and kisses her anyway; she’ll never get sick of kissing Camila. “There’s a fan of yours in there, by the way, so cool it on the affection until she’s gone.”

“Alright, that’s fine,” Camila answers, and Lauren shuts the trunk of the car and locks it, pulling her backpack onto both shoulders. “Was she nice to you?”

Lauren nods, taking Camila’s hand as they walk across the parking lot. “She asked me for a picture, which I don’t get, because it’s not like I’m a YouTuber.”

Camila drops her hand but throws an arm around her shoulder, pulling her in to kiss her on the cheek. “It’s because you’re so pretty.”

Lauren snorts. “Camila, that’s gay.”

“Sorry, I don’t know a Camila, I only know a _Camz_ ,” Camila sends her a threatening look, and when they walk through the automatic doors, the fan immediately rushes over and Camila smiles, taking her arm from around Lauren’s shoulder and waving. “Hi! It’s nice to meet you.”

“I love you so much, I’ve been watching your videos since I was twelve,” the girl gets out in one breath, “Can I get a picture with you? Both of you?”

“Of course, come here,” Camila smiles, and the girl hands her phone over to her mother, her hands shaking. Lauren finds it so surreal to see someone react that way to _Camila_ , but she realises that she’d probably be the exact same as this girl if Lana Del Rey just happened to walk in.

They take a picture with the girl, and she murmurs a nervous thank you before following her mother out of the automatic doors. Camila grabs her hand again and pulls her over to the check in desk. “Let’s get the room sorted.”

They get a double room for the night, and Camila pays before Lauren can offer. Even though she knows Camila can afford it, she _hates_ freeloading, and it makes her feel a little inferior. Not wanting to cause drama, she brushes it off, knowing that Camila won’t be worrying about it.

Camila follows the directions the guy at the desk tells them, and they get the elevator up to the third floor. She hands Lauren the key card with a sheepish smile. “I always fuck up with key cards, so…”

“Alright, I got it,” Lauren assures her, and once they reach their room, _305_ , she opens the door and holds it for Camila, letting her in first. “305. It’s like we’re back in Miami.”

Camila laughs. “They must’ve known we were coming. Anyway, I’m craving a burger, I’m going to google if there’s somewhere good nearby.”

“Okay,” Lauren nods, flopping down on the bed and closing her eyes. It’s nice to relax for a little while after driving for most of the day. “How long did we drive for?”

“Like four hours?” Camila frowns, and Lauren feels the bed sink under her weight. A hand touches her waist and Camila pulls her close; Lauren relaxes in her hold. “Are you tired? We don’t have to go out to eat if you’re tired.”

“We’re on an adventure,” Lauren opens her eyes and throws an arm across Camila’s stomach. “We’ve got to go explore.”

“We can rest for a little while if you want,” Camila assures her, but Lauren shakes her head and pushes herself up to sit before she can get too comfortable. “Alright, I guess you don’t want.”

“Did you find a good burger place? I could go for one too, honestly,” Lauren asks, and Camila nods, grabbing her phone and showing her a nearby restaurant. “Alright. We’ll walk there?”

“Yeah,” Camila grabs Lauren’s hand and kisses the back of it. “And we’ll hold hands the whole way there and I’ll be super affectionate and call you baby so everyone knows that you’re my girlfriend. Because you _are_.”

“Hell yeah I am,” Lauren agrees, and she wonders how she was ever scared of this. When she was younger, she was always so afraid that being with Camila would be complicated and frightening, but nothing has ever been easier than this.

“Alright, come on, baby,” Camila smiles, emphasising the pet name. “Let’s go out for a nice romantic burger. Wow, can burgers even be romantic? Since it’s like, messy as fuck to eat some of them.”

Lauren laughs. “Maybe not on a first date. The _bravest_ first date meal to order is definitely _ribs_.”

“Oh my god, yeah, you have to have some serious guts to order that,” Camila agrees, pushing herself off the bed and giving Lauren a gentle pull on the arm. “Come on, I’m starving.”

“When are you _not_?” Lauren retorts, and Camila just smiles, tugging more insistently. “Okay! I’m coming, god.”

When she stands up, Camila pulls her in for a kiss, wrapping her arms around Lauren’s waist and pulling her close. Lauren’s stomach twists at the way Camila is holding her, and she cups the younger girl’s jaw with her hands, kissing her back, wishing she could capture this moment in a little bubble and return to it whenever she feels like it. In a way, she can; Camila is truly _hers_ now.

“Okay, that was _lovely_ , but I definitely need a burger,” Camila murmurs, but she leans in and gives her a quick chaste kiss. “Let’s go.”

Lauren nods, threading her fingers through Camila’s and grabbing the key card, tucking it into her back pocket. She doesn’t know why there are so many nerves in the pit of her stomach; maybe she’s slightly anxious for the reaction Camila’s audience may have when she makes her Instagram post later. Not that she’d say that to Camila, because she doesn’t want her to think she’s not comfortable going through with it. She _is_ ; she wants to be able to post things about her girlfriend on social media too. Even though she’s a private person, Camila isn’t something she’d want to keep a secret.

She double checks that their hotel room door is shut properly, and checks in the inside pocket of her bomber jacket for her wallet, deciding that she’ll pay for dinner since Camila paid for the room.

“Hey, babygirl?”

Her stomach flips at the pet name. “Yeah, Camz?”

“What’re you thinking about? You looked like you were in deep contemplation.” Camila asks, “you had that cute little frown on your face.”

“I wasn’t really thinking about anything,” Lauren answers as they cut through the lobby towards the automatic doors. “How come you don’t cuddle with Stitch anymore? That’s kind of an off topic question, but I don’t know, you just seemed like the kind of person who wouldn’t grow out of it.”

“Like you?” Camila teases her, and Lauren blushes, but she’s not ashamed of the fact that she needs her stuffed animal to sleep. She’d feel weird if she didn’t have something to hold in her arms, and Nala means a lot to her, because of the girl who gave the lion to her. “I slept with him until I was like, sixteen. The only reason I don’t is because he kept falling out of my bed, and eventually I just… stopped putting him back in. Not that it’s bad to sleep with your stuffed animal, I actually think it’s fucking adorable that you cuddle Nala after all these years.”

“ _After all these years_ ,” Lauren sings, and Camila’s cheeks turn a little pink. Lauren laughs and adds in a sing-song voice, “You wrote a song about me, you little sap.”

“I’ve written another one about you, but you’re not going to hear it because you’re being mean,” Camila scowls at her as they walk across the parking lot, “that’s what you get for making fun of me.”

“Hey, no, I’m not making fun of you!” Lauren quickly assures her, because she _wants_ to hear Camila’s music. Especially knowing it’s about her. “Sing it for me. Right now!”

“What? In the middle of a parking lot?” Camila questions, and Lauren realises it’s kind of a stupid idea. “I’ll sing for you later, okay?”

“Alright, I guess I can be patient.” Lauren sighs dramatically like it’s such a big task. “Tell me what it’s called?”

“Well, there are actually _two_ songs,” Camila reveals, and _that_ makes Lauren even happier to know that she can inspire that level of creativity in her girlfriend. “ _Never be the Same_ and _Into It_.”

Lauren pouts as the restaurant gets closer, knowing that once they’re in there, she’ll have to wait longer to hear her sing. “Sing me a _line_. Just a line. From either song.”

Camila hesitates, but she meets Lauren’s gaze and caves immediately. “Okay, um… this one is from _Never be the Same._ Uh…”

She stays quiet, letting out a nervous giggle, and Lauren just smiles, pulling her away from the doors of the restaurant. She presses a soft kiss to Camila’s cheek and smiles encouragingly. “You don’t need to be nervous. I’ve heard you sing loads of times.”

“Yeah, but… but the only time I’ve ever sung about you was in a video, so it was indirect, and what if you _hate_ it?” Camila rambles, mostly to herself. “I feel like… like I can _see_ how you feel just by looking at you, like I can read you just by looking in your eyes, and I don’t want to see that disappointment.”

“You won’t ever see disappointment,” Lauren tries to sound reassuring, and she wraps her arms around Camila in a tight hug. “You know, unless the lyrics are like _Lauren, you’re stupid!_ ”

Camila laughs, and when she pulls away, she meets her gaze and the corners of her mouth curve up in a small smile. “Alright, I believe you. _Just like, nicotine, rushing me, touching me, suddenly I’m a fiend and you’re all I need.”_

When she finishes, Lauren sends her a knowing grin. “Picked the part with the highest notes?”

“That’s exactly what I did, I wanted to seem impressive,” Camila admits, throwing an arm around Lauren’s shoulders and nodding over to the restaurant door. “It took me a while to figure out the lyrics for that part, the idea I had didn’t seem… appropriate. But I’ll sing you the whole thing later. I promise.”

“Cool, and I want to hear the other one too,” Lauren reminds her, because she’s not letting Camila scam her out of a song. “ _Into It._ ”

Camila blushes, mumbling a thank you as Lauren holds the restaurant door open for her. “Yeah, that one is… fun.”

Before she can ask her to elaborate on it, the hostess walks over to them and Lauren puts on her polite stranger smile, “Table for two, please.”

“Right this way,” the hostess answers, and Lauren squeezes Camila’s hand, walking with her to the table. She makes sure to pull her chair out for her (even though Lauren likes to be treated like a princess, she knows that chivalry is important on both sides).

“Thanks, Lern,” Camila teases her, and Lauren just rolls her eyes as she sits in the chair opposite Camila. “What? Don’t you like my cute nickname?”

Lauren snorts. “You know how _annoying_ it is that you’ve posted Lern Jergi everywhere, right? Like, your fans comment on my Instagram posts and they just put _Lern Jergi_.”

“Wait, does it actually annoy you?” Camila asks, and while Lauren finds it so cute that she’s asking, she easily shakes her head no. “Oh, good, okay. Last thing I want to do is like, _legitimately_ annoy you, you know? Like, I like annoying you to annoy you, but… annoy doesn’t even sound like an actual word now, so I’m just going to shut up.”

Lauren snickers as she rambles on. “You’re adorable, Camz.”

“Debatable,” Camila replies, and her gaze zeroes in on the lit candle in the middle of the table and she quickly blows it out. “I wonder _why_ I can’t _not_ blow a candle out.”

“I get the temptation,” Lauren agrees, grabbing one of the menus and flicking through it, already deciding on the bacon cheeseburger. She doesn’t know _which_ genius decided to put bacon on a burger, but she’d bow down to them if she met them. “What do you want to drink?”

Camila looks a little shifty and nervous, and Lauren realises why when she leans across the table and whispers. “Do you have your fake ID? Can we get a bottle of wine to share?”

“You don’t have to whisper, I doubt there are any cops nearby,” Lauren snorts, “and sure, as long as we’re not driving anywhere else tonight.”

“I can’t see why we would,” Camila replies, “can you go to the bar and get it? I’m afraid the waiter will ask for my ID if we order it with the food, and I don’t _have_ a fake ID.”

“In theory, it could just all be for me,” Lauren points out, but gets up anyway, “but I’ll go. Be right back. If the waiter comes, tell him I’ll have a bacon cheeseburger.”

She heads over to the bar and orders a bottle of white wine and two glasses. Paying with cash and flashing her fake ID, she takes the bottle back over to the table just as the waiter is leaving with their orders, and she unscrews the cap of the bottle.

“Can’t believe you’re being such a bad influence on me,” Lauren jokes as she pours the wine, “you know, I think my mom won’t want me to date someone so rebellious.”

Camila rolls her eyes, and when Lauren finishes pouring her class for her, she picks up her glass and takes a sip. “You know I’ve never rebelled. I’m a good kid who’s going places.”

“Excuse you, that was my title in elementary school,” Lauren nudges her foot under the table, “I used to get so salty when I was a bratty teenager and people were like _you have so much potential and you’re wasting it_ , because I genuinely didn’t believe them.”

“But you _do_ have so much potential to be great. Or I guess you did, because you _are_ great.” Camila murmurs, and Lauren’s stomach flutters. She distracts herself with taking a drink of her wine. “I’m glad your school brought that out of you again. You should’ve called me that Christmas break.”

“Obviously hindsight is 20/20, but do you seriously think you would’ve been just like _hey, how are you, oh, that’s cool, want to hang out?_ ” Lauren raises her eyebrows, and Camila smiles a little sheepishly. “You would’ve told me to fuck off, and I don’t blame you. I still wasn’t in the best place then and I definitely wasn’t ready to be around you.”

Camila frowns. “Why not? Do you think I wouldn’t help you? Because just because I _had_ to stop talking to you, it doesn’t mean I _wanted_ to-”

“Hey, whoa, calm down, Camz,” Lauren reaches across the table and puts her hand on top of Camila’s. “I know you would’ve, it’s not like that. It’s more… I had a _lot_ of feelings for you. Really strong feelings, and one of the main reasons I was in such a depression was because I hated myself for being bisexual. Being around you would’ve been the biggest reminder of that.”

“But you had Lucy, and you had feelings for her, you _told_ me you hooked up with her,” Camila argues, and Lauren is a little anxious at how heated she seems to be getting. She doesn’t want to fight, fighting isn’t good and it makes her anxiety skyrocket. She bounces her leg under the table, trying not to freak out. “Why would it be any different with me? Was I not your best friend?”

“Camz, can you just… can you relax, please?” Lauren asks, and Camila seems to meet her gaze and realise how upset this is making her. Lauren drains her glass of wine in one go, and she feels a little better, but finds herself wishing she’d brought a joint with her. “Please don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m not, I’m not, I promise,” Camila squeezes Lauren’s hand across the table, and she relaxes slightly. “Can you just… explain to me? I’m a little confused, baby. That’s all.”

“Okay. Okay, yeah,” Lauren takes a few moments to calm herself down. “Well, with Lucy, it was different because I wasn’t- we were just friends. Friends with a few benefits, yes, but just friends. There weren’t any real romantic feelings other than that surface attraction, but with you, there… were. Are. Yeah.”

“Better be _present tense_ ,” Camila jokes, and Lauren can see she feels a little bad for getting so worked up about what she’d said. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have gotten so upset. I guess a part of me still gets kind of jealous that I’m not still… you know, your one and only.”

“You don’t have anything to apologise for,” Lauren assures her, and she waits for Camila to finish her glass of wine before topping them both up. “Besides, you _are_ my one and only. You’re the only person I’ve ever felt this way about, so…”

“Good, because if there’s one thing I’ve always wanted, it’s to mean more to you than stupid Brad ever did. I seriously wish you’d never met him,” Camila mutters that last part, but Lauren hears her. In a way, she agrees, but if she _hadn’t_ , she isn’t sure if she’d be at the same college, studying the same thing, and she’s happy with the way her life is right now. “I’m just happy that you’re with someone who will treat you the way you deserve. _Me_.”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip to hide her smile. “Full of yourself, much?”

“Me? Never, I’m just stating the facts of life, and the facts are that I’m the best girlfriend ever,” Camila announces like it’s her official title. “And I know that before things got so bad, but we’re both mature, we’re both adults and I can handle _anything_ , so there’s nothing that’s off the table. If there’s something really gross and embarrassing you want to talk about, I can take it, you know?”

Lauren pauses in mock thought. “Well, there’s this really gross girl that’s been following me around. You might know her, she’s a YouTuber, Camila Cabello?”

Camila kicks her shin under the table and Lauren winces when it actually _stings_. “I was being serious! You can talk to me about literally anything and I’ll be there, okay?”

“Okay,” Lauren’s stomach flutters at the words, “you too, Camz. I kind of suck at giving cohesive advice, most of the time I’m just like… maybe take a nap and your problems will be gone? But I’m always here if you need to vent.”

“I appreciate that,” Camila smiles, “I appreciate you. My girlfriend. My beautiful girlfriend, Lauren Jauregui. Wow, fourteen year old Camila just exploded with happiness, but so did current Camila, so I really haven’t changed.”

Lauren hums. “I like that about you. I like that you’re just the same old weirdo, famous or not.”

Camila scoffs. “ _You’re_ a weirdo.”

“Am not,” Lauren pouts, “ _you_ are.”

Camila sends her the cutest smile and Lauren almost melts. “You know, Lauren Michelle, I could debate you on this all day.”

Lauren just smiles. “Try me, bitch.”

 **PUNK EDITS IN REAL LIFE**  
_2,697,459 views_  
Camila Cabello --------- SUBSCRIBE: 4.3M  
Published Feb 10, 2017

“So, I saw all of those like, punk edits that you guys do of me, and I honestly look fucking badass, so I was like, I’m going to tat myself the fuck up in this video.” Camila waves around the temporary tattoos. “A lot of you guys ask me if I’d ever get a tattoo, and I’m such a big wimp and I’m indecisive, so _no_. But then… if you paid me a lot of money, maybe I would.”

“Anyway, I digress,” Camila laughs, “basically, this video is just me turning myself into a punk edit. So, in other words, me turning myself into Lauren Jauregui.”

_[Write a comment…]_

**Lauren Jauregui** This is offensive. I am offended. You are no longer invited to my birthday party.  
   **Camila Cabello** wow such extreme measures to take lern i’m sorry

_liked by_ **laurenjauregui, normani** _and_ **359,437 others  
camila_cabello: **ran away on a cute little road trip with my beautiful girlfriend **@laurenjauregui** , thank u to the stranger at the restaurant that took this pic for us

 **camrenisreal:** GIRLFRIEND?!!??!!?!? SHE SAID GIRLFRIEND THIS IS NOT A DRILL  
   **laurenjauregui:** I don’t mean to alarm you but she’s my girlfriend too  
    **camrenisreal:** YOU ALARMED ME

 **claramjaureg:** Happy for you both!  
   **laurenjauregui:** Hi mami, I love you, please leave before you embarrass me.  
    **camila_cabello: @claramjaureg** please embarrass her it’ll be funny

 **camrenupdates:** I’M SCREAMING I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH  
   **camila_cabello:** we love you too

 **camrianagrande:** fuck this


	20. 19

“Happy birthday!”

The words jolt her awake, and she sits up, ready to beat up the intruder who just so happens to know it’s her birthday, but then she comes to her senses and sees her roommates huddled around her bed, Ally holding one of her amazing homemade cakes with four candles stuck in it.

Camila laughs at the cake. “Wow, I can’t believe I’m turning four today!”

Normani rolls her eyes. “Shut up, they’re the only candles we have.”

Ally nods in agreement, “And I refuse to stick _twenty_ candles in a cake that I spent so much time icing. That’s a little too much.”

Camila reads the ‘happy 20th birthday, Camila’ written in white icing across the chocolate fudge icing on the actual cake, and she smiles, blowing out the candles. She closes her eyes and makes her wish – that she and Lauren will live a long and happy life together – and that’s when she realises her girlfriend _isn’t here_.

Naturally, she’s inquisitive. “Where’s Lauren?”

She knows that Lauren knows to come over; she’d filmed with her on Wednesday, half because she wanted to hang out with her and half because Lauren hadn’t been on her channel since Camila had actually mentioned that they’re _girlfriends_ on Instagram.

“Wow, I bake a whole cake for her and that’s the first thing she asks,” Ally mutters to herself, “what am I, chopped liver?”

“Thanks for the cake, Ally,” Camila says, and then turns to Dinah, “where’s Lauren? She promised she’d be here. Is she okay? Have you seen her?”

Dinah exchanges a look with Normani as Ally goes to take the cake back downstairs. “She’s not coming.”

That _really_ wakes Camila up. “What? Why not?”

Normani sighs. “She called a little while ago, said something came up at college and she can’t be here until later.”

Camila feels like crying at the words. “What? But- but-”

“Oh my god, oh my god, they’re joking, don’t cry!” Lauren bursts into the room and dives onto Camila’s bed, wrapping her arms around her in a hug. “I just wanted to surprise you, I’m sorry.”

Dinah coughs. “Whipped.”

Lauren glares at her, but pulls Camila close and kisses the top of her head. “Dinah isn’t invited to our day out. But hi, yes, hello, I’m here. Even if something _had_ come up, you know I would’ve ditched it to be with you.”

This time, it’s Normani who mutters, “ _Whipped.”_

“Oh, look at that, Normani isn’t invited either,” Lauren announces, “just you and me. And Ally if she feels like third wheeling.”

Camila frowns. “We’re going out?”

“Yep, we have birthday plans,” Lauren tells her, and Camila hadn’t been informed of any plans, and easily catches on. “So I’m going to need you to hurry up and get ready.”

Camila smirks, but gets out of bed, stretching, “Basically, you’re the diversion while these three set up a party I don’t want and then I have to pretend to be surprised.”

Dinah and Normani look like a couple of deer in headlights, and they hurry from the room before Camila can laugh at their plan. When they’ve gone, Lauren shrugs. “That’s exactly their plan.”

“Thought so,” Camila replies, “are you staying for the party? I know you don’t like house parties, but… um, nobody I know will have any… substances. So, it’s safe.”

“Of course I’m staying,” Lauren assures her, “I’ll sleep over if you want.”

“Yes please,” Camila quickly accepts, and nods over to her bathroom. “I’m going to go shower, okay?”

“Ugh, take your time,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “they want you out of the house ASAP.”

“Well, no offence, but I don’t want to walk around all smelly on my birthday,” Camila points out like it’s obvious. “You can wait.”

“Shower at my place,” Lauren shrugs, and Camila pauses halfway to her bathroom, “gets you out of the house which means Dinah and Normani won’t beat me up for sucking at my job.”

“Alright. I can do that.” Camila nods, but disappears into her bathroom anyway to brush her teeth. Once she’s done that, she skips back into her room and pulls Lauren in for a kiss. “Okay, great, thanks for my present!”

“That’s not your present,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “you’re not getting that until later, though.”

“Oh,” Camila wiggles her eyebrows suggestively, “Lauren Michelle, so risqué.”

“Not _that_ kind of present, you pervert,” Lauren snorts as Camila quickly changes into some jeans and a shirt. “You’ll see later on.”

“Okay, it better be good if you’re making me wait,” Camila warns her, but she honestly doesn’t mind what she gets. Lauren being with her on her birthday is present enough. “So, what’ve you got planned to distract me?”

“Nothing, honestly,” Lauren laughs, “it’s your birthday. I figured I’d let you pick and I’ll just go along for the ride. Want to go get drunk?”

Camila snorts. “We’ll save that for your twenty-first.”

“Like I said, it’s your choice what we do. You’re the birthday girl.” Lauren shrugs, “I’ll be your chauffeur to wherever you want to go.”

“I’m sure I’ll figure something out on the way to your apartment.” Camila replies. “I don’t know, I don’t feel like today is really special. It’s not like it’s a big birthday, you know? For _yours_ , we’re going to get drunk, because it’s your twenty-first and it’s special, but I don’t really feel like my twentieth is anything to be super excited about.”

“I get that, that’s how I felt about mine,” Lauren admits, “we could always go down to the beach. Ride the rollercoaster at Santa Monica Pier. Just have a cute day out.”

“Yeah, that sounds nice.” Camila agrees, thankful that Lauren actually came up with a suggestion, because she had no ideas. “I’ll grab a swimsuit. Or not, and we can skinny dip.”

“You’re really in a perverted mood, huh?” Lauren asks her, pushing herself off from Camila’s bed as the younger girl grabs a bikini from a drawer and stuffs it in her backpack. When she grabs some pyjamas too, Lauren watches her in confusion. “You want to get _back_ into pyjamas?”

Camila laughs, shaking her head. “No, but if we’re going to your place, I’m going to take some pyjamas that I can just leave there.”

She wonders if saying that is a little too forward, but Lauren just smiles and nods, digging into her back pocket for something else. She holds a little _Lilo and Stitch_ keychain out, with two keys on it. “For you. It’s for my apartment. The plain silver key is for the front door and the decorated one is for the actual apartment.”

Camila takes the keys, her stomach fluttering. “Aw, you’re inviting me to annoy you whenever I want?”

Lauren looks from Camila to the keys as the younger girl puts them in the bag she’s packing. “Um, on second thought, can I have those back?”

Camila cackles evilly. “Too late, you’ve invited the demon into your home! But to make it even, I’ll get you a key cut here. Or you can just steal the spare.”

Lauren hums, and when Camila swings her backpack over her shoulders. “Alright, let’s go.”

Blinking at her, Lauren surveys her outfit with more than a little confusion. “You’re in pyjamas.”

Camila shrugs. “We’re just walking to your house. It’s _fine_.”

As Camila turns and skips out of her bedroom door, Lauren follows her in amusement, admiring her girlfriend as she strolls around in her pyjamas.

-

Camila squints at the bright sunlight, stretched out on a towel, perched in more of a seating position against the bag of beach supplies that Lauren had packed to the brim. She’d made them a picnic, which Camila has almost halfway demolished, and she smiles as she feeds Lauren a strawberry.

Throwing the top part in the lid of the container Lauren had packed them in, she puts her arm around Lauren’s waist, locking it with her other over the older girl’s stomach. She sighs happily as Lauren leans against her, sat between her legs on the beach towel they’re sharing, since Lauren only packed one.

(For all of Lauren’s meticulous packing and picnic making, she’d definitely forgotten one of the essentials.)

“I’m going to have the _weirdest_ tan lines,” Camila comments, resting her chin on Lauren’s shoulder, “but whatever. It’s worth it just to hold you like this.”

“I mean, I’m going to have big ass lines where your arms are,” Lauren responds, “I don’t think either of us are going to win in this situation.”

“I don’t see you pulling away,” Camila cuddles her even tighter, as if to say _don’t even think about it_ , “so, what time do Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest want me home for their _surprise_ party?”

Lauren snorts, “I’ll tell you if you tell me who’s Dumb, who’s Dumber and who’s Dumbest.”

“Isn’t it obvious? Ally, Normani, then Dinah,” Camila jokes, and quickly adds, “don’t tell them I said that, all of them could easily beat me up if they wanted.”

Lauren laughs at her joke, and leans back resting against Camila’s chest and closing her eyes. She stays there, relaxed, and Camila loves just _holding_ her, but Lauren quickly jolts upright and nudges Camila out of the way to get into her beach bag.

“I need some sunscreen,” Lauren announces to nobody in particular, “I can _feel_ myself burning.”

Camila chuckles as Lauren finally locates the sunblock in her bag and squirts an ample amount onto her hand, rubbing it into her face, her arms, her legs, her stomach. She sits back between Camila’s legs and passes her the sunblock, leaning forwards and brushing her hair out of the way. “Can you get my back?”

“Sure,” Camila takes the sunblock and starts rubbing it into the smooth, pale skin of Lauren’s back. “I don’t get how you’re Latina when you literally reapply sunblock every _half an hour_.”

“I don’t want to burn!” Lauren shoots her a glare over her shoulder. “Not _everyone_ is naturally so tan and perfect, okay? Give my pale ass a break.”

Camila laughs, and gently rubs the sunblock in until it disappears. “There. You’re all set.”

She twists around to dump the tube back into the bag, and the moment she turns back around, Lauren collapses against her again, a little sticky from the sunblock, but Camila doesn’t care. She locks her arms across Lauren’s stomach again, and once she’s sure all of the sunblock is off her hands, she runs her fingers through Lauren’s hair, brushing it to the side so she can kiss her dragonfly tattoo.

Lauren sighs happily. “I love this. Just being with you.”

“Mhm. Almost a shame that we’re going to have to go back to the house,” Camila sighs, “if it were up to me, we’d stay here all night, until the tide starts coming in. We’d look up at the stars – if we can fucking see any through the smog of being in a city.”

“Next time you’re over at my place, we should go up to the roof. Technically we’re not _supposed_ to, but nobody knows, and you can actually see the stars up there on a clear night,” Lauren tells her, and Camila already knows she wants that. “So, from the sounds of it, you don’t want a party?”

“You know I don’t like parties,” Camila shrugs like it answers the question. “I mean, I’m not totally _against_ parties, but it’s just not the way I’d want to spend my birthday. Sure, maybe for next year’s, since it’ll be my 21st, but… twentieth doesn’t seem that important.”

Lauren sends her a sad smile. “Well, I hate to break it to you, but we’ll have to go back to the house soon. _But_ , on the plus side, we have dinner reservations at your _favourite_ restaurant.”

Camila gasps. “You found a restaurant that _only_ serves bananas?!”

Lauren laughs at her lame joke, as always, shaking her head with a fond smile and pulling her in for a quick kiss. “You’re funny. Think about tonight this way; if you get through this, it’s the only party you’ll have to endure for like, a whole year.”

Camila frowns. “Wait, did you _really_ disinvite me to your birthday party?”

“No, no,” Lauren shakes her head, laughing a little, “but you’re going to be here and I’m going to be in Miami, so…”

“Wait, _what_?” Camila sits up, her brain not computing this new information. “You’re going to be in Miami? Why?”

“School will be out for the summer, so I’ll be home from early June until mid August. Plus my parents would kill me if I didn’t spend my twenty-first with them, and I kind of _want_ to have like, a nice family dinner.” Lauren tells her, shrugging like it’s not a total disaster that she won’t be here. “After that, I guess if we both feel up to it, I’ll go out to a club with Lucy.”

Camila’s heart stops in her chest. “You’re going to be gone for _months_?”

“Well, yeah,” Lauren says like that’s completely _fine_ , “School is late August until whenever my last exam is, which I find out in a couple of weeks, and my lease is up at the end of June. Plus I have my summer job that I always go back to. There’s no reason for me to be here in summer.”

“No, no, screw your summer job, stay here, I’ll pay you!” Camila announces, because she can’t let Lauren disappear off to Miami for almost three whole months while she’s stuck here. “You can’t go!”

Lauren laughs at her reaction. “Relax, it’s ages away, and it’s not like I’m not coming back for my senior year.”

“But- but… you can’t just leave me here by myself,” Camila pouts at her, “you’re my girlfriend, I’m not letting you just go away for three months, no, that’s not happening.”

“You were fine out here for like a whole ass year by yourself, because you’re _not_ by yourself. You’ve got your YouTube friends,” Lauren reminds her, and Camila shakes her head, because it’s _different_. “We went four years without seeing each other, Camz. You can handle three months where we’ll still FaceTime and-”

“Fine, if you won’t stay, I’m coming back to Miami,” Camila decides on the spot, “because I am _not_ going three months without kissing you, and I’m also not missing your twenty-first.”

Lauren laughs, “You’re really that wound up about this?”

“Yes!” Camila cups her jaw with her hands and pulls her in for a kiss, trying to say _it’s because I love you, idiot_ , without actually saying it. “It’s important. I’m not missing your twenty-first birthday.”

Instead of fighting her like Camila expects, telling her that it’s fine, that she doesn’t need to come to Miami with her, Lauren just nods, corners of her mouth tilting up in a soft smile. “Okay. As long as you’re sure.”

“I’m totally sure. Besides, I think it’ll be good for me to get out of LA.” Camila muses. “I can spend some real time with my family, you don’t know how much I miss them when I’m out here.”

“I’m surprised you don’t go back more often.” Lauren admits. “I know how close you are with your mom, so…”

“Well, three months in Miami should be enough to make her happy. I can make videos anywhere, so that’s not going to be a problem.” Camila makes a mental note to book a flight as soon as possible. “Anyway, future plans aside. Where are we going for dinner?”

“The very same Italian place you took me to for my first ever date,” Lauren tells her, before she stretches and stands up, unbuttoning her shorts. Camila is kind of blown away by her body in a bikini, so she’s drooling a little when Lauren holds out her hand. “Come on. Let’s go play in the ocean.”

“Honestly, the ocean kind of scares me,” Camila comments, but takes Lauren’s hand and lets her pull her up. She glances over at their stuff, but there aren’t real valuables in there, so if it gets stolen it doesn’t matter; they’d left their phones at Lauren’s apartment. “We know more about space than we do about the ocean.”

“I’d rather be in the ocean than be in space, though,” Lauren says; Camila hesitates in case the water is cold, but Lauren walks right into the ocean, going up to her calves until she realises Camila isn’t following. “Come on, we don’t have to go that far in.”

Thinking _fuck it_ , Camila follows her in, cringing a little, because the water is kind of cold. But they’re at the beach, and what’s the point in going if they’re not going to go into the ocean.

She takes Lauren’s hand, and the older girl walks them further in. Camila’s toes stop being able to reach the sea floor pretty quickly, and _immediately_ , she starts thinking about what could be lurking beneath them. “ _Jaws_. Why am I thinking about _Jaws_?”

Lauren laughs, and she’s starting to paddle, splashing Camila lightly. The salt water gets in her mouth and she scrunches her face up in disgust. “That’s like when you think about _Paranormal Activity_ when you stick one leg out of your sheets.”

Camila quickly splashes Lauren back, and soon, it turns into a full blown splash war; so much that she’s _not_ thinking about sharks coming to eat her. It’s weird that she _was_ thinking about that, because she doesn’t really have a fear of sharks, but she’s grateful to Lauren for taking her mind off it, even if she’s getting salt water in her eyes.

“Alright, I call a truce- _hey!”_ Lauren splutters when Camila kicks a big wave of water in her direction, and Lauren is so stunned that when the next big wave comes, she doesn’t jump in time and it goes over her head, submerging her completely when it breaks

Camila is laughing her ass off when her girlfriend disappears under the water, until the next wave comes and Lauren still hasn’t resurfaced. Her heart drops, and she spins around frantically, looking for the older girl, and she can’t see her anywhere.

“ _Oh my god oh my god oh my god I killed my girlfriend,”_ Camila freaks, and she opens her mouth to scream for help when she’s grabbed from behind, and Lauren pops up, yelling _boo!_ Camila spins around and hits out on instinct, smacking Lauren across the face and screaming.

Lauren blinks in shock, hand going up to her cheek. “Oh my god, Camz!”

Camila stares at her, eyes widening in realisation, and she immediately reaches out, gently cupping Lauren’s face with her hands and dotting kisses across her cheeks. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I thought you were a sea monster!”

Lauren’s hand touches her waist under the water, and she pulls away, sending Camila a small smile, her right cheek red with the image of Camila’s slap. “It’s okay, I probably deserved it for jumpscaring you.”

“I know but- oh my god, does this make me abusive?” Camila pushes Lauren’s wet hair back from her forehead. “I’m so sorry, oh my god, first I thought I’d killed you and then I punched you! I’m the fucking worst-”

“Okay, okay, relax, it’s all good,” Lauren laughs, giving her a reassuring squeeze around the middle. “I’m fine.”

“Oh my god, the ocean clearly brings out the worst in me.” Camila hits the water as if that will have any effect on the ocean as a whole. “Hey, if someone were to like, put electric stuff in the water and switch it on, like _really_ powerful electricity, would it electrocute _everyone_ in the entire ocean? You know, because it’s all connected.”

Lauren snorts. “Did you like, smoke a joint in the time I was under there?”

“I’m serious!” Camila laughs. “I could’ve just figured out a way of like, _mass_ destruction! Don’t laugh at me, Lo.”

“I have a strong feeling that it’s not possible. You’d need to generate an _immense_ amount of electricity, so I think we’re good.” Lauren chuckles at the thought, and takes her hand under the water, giving her a small pull. “Let’s go dry off and head back to my place. We need our phones.”

“Good point,” Camila agrees, and she swims forwards, arm linked with Lauren’s, until her feet touch the sea floor again and she can awkwardly walk until they’re back on the sand. “Shit, where’s our stuff again?”

Lauren squints, the sunlight bright in her eyes, and Camila finds it adorable. “Over that way, I think.”

Camila takes Lauren’s hand as they walk in the general direction of their things, but she still feels so guilty when she looks at the red mark on Lauren’s cheek. “You actually look like I’ve beaten you up, I’m so sorry.”

“Camz,” Lauren throws an arm around her shoulders as they walk, “I’m okay. Stop feeling bad about it, okay?”

Camila sighs as she looks at the mark she’d made, but she nods. “Okay. As long as you’re okay.”

“Always,” Lauren assures her, before she runs her fingers through her hair and looks a little irritated. “I’m going to need to shower when we get back so I’m at my best when we go for your birthday meal.”

Camila just smiles. “You’re always at your best.”

Despite Camila’s comments, Lauren goes in the shower when they get back to her apartment. Camila washes herself off so she doesn’t have sand everywhere, but she didn’t get her hair wet, so she doesn’t bother washing it. While Lauren is in the shower, Camila lounges on her bed, scrolling through her phone. It was nice to get away from it for a few hours, but there are a few posts, pictures that someone had taken of them on the beach.

_liked by_ **camrenisreal, dinahjane97** _and_ **10,239 others**  
camilaupdates: Camila and her girlfriend Lauren on the beach this afternoon.  
_an hour ago_

 **camrenisreal:** look at them on a birthday date that’s so cute

 **cabellojauregui97:** They’re both so hot wtf

She smiles at the supportive comments; they most definitely outweigh any negatives, and she rolls her eyes at the two she sees, bodyshaming Lauren. Camila knows that Lauren isn’t super skinny, but it doesn’t matter, because she’s perfect. Lauren could shrink down or balloon up, and Camila wouldn’t care.

One comment makes her _angry_ , though. The stupid ones, the trivial ones, she can ignore, but it’s things like this that make her mad.

 **camrianagrande:** wow you can really see the heroin track marks lol fucking crackhead bitch

Camila glares down at the comment, blocking the user, and she picks up Lauren’s phone from where she’d left it on her bedside table. She frowns down at the passcode; all she wants to do is go on Instagram and block that person. She knows that the comments calling her ugly don’t bother Lauren, but this _will_ , and she needs to get around this password so she can block the person before Lauren sees anything.

She guesses 062796 for Lauren’s birthday, but it’s rejected. She tries Clara’s birthday, impressed that she still remembers it, but it’s rejected too. She can’t remember Mike’s birthday, and she’s about to just give up and risk Lauren seeing something like that when jokingly, she tries her own birthday, 030397, and it lets her in.

Blinking in shock that Lauren’s phone passcode is her _birthday_ , the gesture sinks in and her heart flutters. She opens up Instagram, types in the username, and blocks them immediately. Smiling satisfactorily, she locks Lauren’s phone and puts it back on her bedside table. _Am I the best girlfriend ever, or am I the best girlfriend ever?_ Camila thinks to herself with pride, _I love protecting her._

When the shower finally turns off and Lauren walks out of the bathroom wrapped in a fluffy white towel, Camila kind of hopes that the towel will drop accidentally, but she keeps her unsavoury thoughts to herself.

“Hey, sorry, realised I didn’t take any fresh underwear in with me,” Lauren laughs, pulling a black Calvin Klein thong from her underwear drawer and excusing herself again. “Be right back.”

Camila just stares after her. “Literally don’t apologise. Is this my birthday present?”

Lauren rolls her eyes at her as she closes the bathroom door. “Nope, you pervert!”

Camila laughs as Lauren ducks back into the bathroom, excited to get to dinner but _not_ excited to get to the party. She thinks that mood is the thing that makes dinner go by so quickly, because service at the restaurant seems ridiculously fast, and before she knows it, she’s on her way back to her house.

“I don’t want a stupid party,” Camila complains as she walks back, hand in hand with her girlfriend, “I had an amazing day with you, I just want to go to bed.”

Lauren laughs. “I’m sure once you’ve said hello to everyone, you can sneak off. Dinah, Normani and Ally probably know how you feel.”

Camila shakes her head, knowing she can’t do that. She’d feel rude if she just disappeared on everyone, and knows she’s going to have to live through it for at least a few hours. “I’ll just cling onto you the whole time. You’re fun.”

“If there’s alcohol, you could always get drunk to be more sociable,” Lauren suggests, but shoots her own idea down, “but I’d honestly rather you didn’t. I want you to be totally sober when I give you your present, it’s important.”

“Okay, I promise,” Camila smiles, squeezing her hand, and when the house starts to come into view, she slows her pace immediately. “Hey, why don’t we walk slower, and enjoy… nature?”

“Nature?” Lauren raises one of those perfectly bushy eyebrows. “We’re surrounded by houses.”

“Yeah, but there’s like… hedges and stuff,” Camila points out like that’s a brand new realisation, “and like, grass. That’s nature.”

Lauren laughs. “I would say we could take an extra lap around the block, but I texted Dinah and told her we were on our way, so they’re probably all cramping behind furniture at this point.”

Camila frowns. “You have Dinah’s number?”

“She put it in my phone this morning. Saved it as _Captain Dinah_ , whatever that means.” Lauren replies, and as they walk up the driveway, Camila feels like she’s on death row. Lauren seems to sense this and sends her an easy smile. “Come on, it’ll be fine. I know you’re dreading it, but sometimes the hangouts that we _don’t_ want to go to end up being the most fun. Like, this one time, Keana was throwing a party for her birthday, and I _really_ wasn’t in the mood, but then I got super drunk and had a good time. Until I started puking, anyway.”

Camila cringes. “So, moral of the story, drink until I puke?”

“No, no!” Lauren laughs, hand on the front door handle. “Just… try to relax, I guess? And if all else fails, slip upstairs and have a nap and then maybe the problem (the party) will be gone (over).”

“Yeah, I guess,” Camila sighs, and when Lauren sends her a questioning glance, she answers it with a nod. “You can open the door.”

She opens it to darkness, which Camila had expected, and even though she’s ready for the loud _surprise_ , it still makes her jump. Before she scans the room, she rolls her eyes and sarcastically starts with, “Wow, what a shock, I’m so- _mami?”_

 _That_ makes her halt, when she sees her mom, then registers her dad, and before she knows it, Sofi is on her in a hug. Lauren smiles knowingly, and Camila looks at her with wide eyes before rounding on her family, attacking them in a group hug.

Camila smiles at the feeling of her mother’s arms around her. “Oh my god, what’re you guys doing here?”

“Your friends flew us out,” Alejandro explains, “did you think we’d miss your birthday? Never.”

Camila looks over at Dinah, Ally and Normani and mouths _thank you_ , but it’s Normani that clarifies things for her. “Don’t thank us, they wouldn’t be here if Lauren hadn’t given us the idea.”

Camila meets Lauren’s gaze, and the older girl’s eyes are so bright and happy as she smiles bashfully. She pulls away from her family for a moment and pulls Lauren in for a kiss, not caring who’s watching, because she hasn’t had time to fully process the people in the room yet.

“You are extraordinary,” Camila murmurs, squeezing Lauren’s arm affectionately. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Lauren brushes her off, “go have fun with your family, okay? I’m going to the bathroom.”

Camila watches after her as Lauren disappears up the stairs, and goes back to her family, hugging them all again and asking her sister about school and how she’s doing. She doesn’t notice that Lauren hasn’t come back until she’s mid conversation with Shawn and Ariana pulls her in for a hug.

“Happy birthday, Mila,” Ariana greets her, “I see things are still going well with you and your girl.”

“Yeah, she’s like, kind of my everything, but now I’m realising that I haven’t seen her for like an hour.” Camila’s smile drops in favour of a look of concern. “Can you guys just say I’ve gone to the bathroom if someone asks for me?”

Shawn and Ariana both assure her they’ll cover for her, and Camila climbs the stairs, because the last place she saw Lauren was when she’d excused herself to the bathroom and gone upstairs, probably to use Camila’s.

She opens up her bedroom door and Lauren is sat at her desk, on her laptop, clearly working on a Word document. “Are you doing _homework_?”

“Mhm,” Lauren doesn’t look around, “are you having fun downstairs?”

“Yeah, but… I’d have more fun if my girlfriend was with me,” Camila carefully shuts the door behind her and slowly approaches her girl, placing her hands on her shoulders as the older Latina types. “Does this have to be in today or something?”

“Yep, midnight,” Lauren’s gaze doesn’t move from the screen, “I’ve had it written for weeks, obviously, because I like to distance myself from an essay before I submit it. I was proof reading and this paragraph is all wrong, so I’ve been rewriting. Almost finished.”

Camila shoots her a concerned look, but Lauren doesn’t notice as she highlights a sentence and erases it, typing something new in its place. “Should I leave you alone?”

“It’s preferable if you did,” Lauren _still_ won’t look at her, “be down soon, promise.”

“Lo, look at me,” Camila practically commands, and at the words, fingers stop typing and green eyes look up to meet hers. She smiles, runs a hand through Lauren’s hair, and kisses her forehead. “Don’t work yourself too hard, okay?”

“Okay.” Lauren agrees. “I’ll be down in fifteen minutes at the most. I’m almost done.”

Camila nods, and leaves her alone, knowing that schoolwork is important. Nobody seems to have noticed her disappearance, and she thanks Ariana when she’s back downstairs. “She’s just checking over an essay for college.”

It’s easy to talk to Ariana. She’s so nice to everyone, and they fall into conversation like they had the first time they’d met, just without all of the old tension and attraction. Camila gushes about Lauren, and Ariana tells her about the guy she’s seeing, Mac, and Camila is ridiculously happy for her.

She’s in the middle of rambling about her new editing software when a hand touches her arm and she jumps at the familiar sparks. “Hey, Laur. Did you submit your essay?”

“Mhm,” Lauren hums in affirmative, but she’s not looking at Camila, she’s studying Ariana. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend, babe?”

Almost laughing at the level of jealousy radiating from her girlfriend, Camila just smiles. “Lauren, this is Ariana. Ari, this is Lauren, the girlfriend I’ve talked your ear off about.”

Lauren seems to relax at the words, but she’s still slightly tense. If Ariana notices, she doesn’t comment on it. “It’s really good to meet you. Camila really doesn’t stop talking about you. I’m happy you make her so happy.”

After a few moments, Lauren seems to accept the words, a small smile settling on her face. “Okay. Yeah, I like you.”

Camila introduces Lauren to _everyone_ – sometimes _twice_ accidentally – because she’s discovering she _loves_ the sound of ‘this is my girlfriend, Lauren’. She’s definitely starting to get tired of the socialising, and Lauren is carrying most of the conversations. It’s lucky that Lauren can read her so well, because she senses just how tired she is and excuses the two of them from conversation with a quick, “Oh, actually, I just remembered I still haven’t given you your present. If you guys don’t mind…”

Lauren leads her up the stairs quickly, and when she’s safe in the refuge of her bedroom, it’s like all of her energy comes back. Her chest floods with warmth and she feels so much better just from five seconds away from everything.

“Thanks for getting me away,” Camila smiles appreciatively, flopping down on her bed with a relieved sigh. “I was starting to get a little worn out.”

“I wasn’t lying,” Lauren replies, “I really do need to give you your present.”

“Wasn’t my family being here the present?” Camila questions as Lauren digs through her bag, but when she pulls out a little box, Camila freezes. “Laur, if you’ve spent a lot of money-”

“That doesn’t matter,” Lauren interrupts her. “This is important, okay?”

Camila stares at her in shock as she sits down on the bed next to her, holding the little black velvet box in her hand. “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been surer about anything,” Lauren leans in and kisses her cheek, “Camz. Camila. The first day I met you, the day I stood up for you, I never knew how much you would mean to me. All I knew, in my little seven year old head, was that I wanted to be best friends forever.”

“Eleven years and about… two weeks ago,” Lauren meets Camila’s tearful gaze, and reaches out to squeeze her hand, “I went over to my dad, and asked him how he got my mom to stay with him forever. I didn’t understand the question I was asking, but I understood what he told me. He told me he got down on one knee and gave my mom a ring, and immediately, nine year old Lauren started cooking up a plan. I saved up my allowance for two weeks, and bought you a stupid mood ring from the counter at the grocery store, and then I _opposed_ to you, knowing that it meant we got to stay together forever.”

“I think that was the moment I really realised how much I felt for you, even if I couldn’t comprehend that. At that point in time, I didn’t even know girls could like girls like that, so I thought that I just really, _really_ adored my best friend.” Lauren laughs lightly. “I went along, blissfully unaware that I felt anything more than platonic for you, and the realisation kind of hit me like a ton of bricks when I was around thirteen, and incidentally, that’s when everything kind of started to fall apart. It would freak me out sometimes, when you’d touch me and I’d want to kiss you, and I thought… I thought I was _broken_ , that something had gone wrong, because I didn’t know I could like girls as well as boys. I’m sorry I never talked to you about it, because I know you would’ve made me feel normal, and accepted, but I was so, _so_ scared, and felt like the only person in the world who felt that way.”

She feels Camila’s arms wrap around her shoulders and pull her in for a hug before she really registers it, and she smiles, nuzzling her face into Camila’s neck before she pulls back to look her in the eye again. She takes Camila’s hand with her right one, the little black box held firmly in her left.

“I lost myself for a while, and because of that, I lost you. I fucked up, and I ruined it all, and I hated myself for a long time because of what happened. I felt like no matter what I did, I’d always end up destroying everything.” Lauren murmurs. “Four years went by, and whatever powerful force out there, whether it be fate or God or just pure dumb luck, decided to give me a second chance with you. That’s what this ring symbolises.”

Lauren opens the box to show Camila the ring, but she doesn’t put it on her. Not yet. “Not only is it… you know, a better alternative to my original ring that _won’t_ turn your finger green, but it’s a promise, too. It’s to show that I won’t mess up again, to show that you have my whole heart, truly and genuinely, and it’s a promise that… that one day, I’m going to get down on one knee and _oppose_ to you for real. Because I love you, Camila. God dammit, I’ve been in love with you since I was eight years old and you gave me Nala, and I’m sorry it took so long for me to understand that you’re my person, in every single way.”

As Lauren slides the ring onto Camila’s finger, the younger Latina looks at her with so much love and adoration, and Lauren knows what she’s going to say before she even says it.

“I love you too, Lauren. I love you so much,” Camila pulls her in for a kiss, “I fell in love the moment I looked into those bright green eyes.”

Lauren’s heart flutters, and she knows she’s never _ever_ been happier. “Happy birthday, Camz.”

 **TRYING SECRET MENU ITEMS WITH MY GIRLFRIEND**  
_3,918,962 views_  
Camila Cabello --------- SUBSCRIBE: 4.5M  
Published Mar 3, 2017

“Tell us, Lauren, why are we gathered here today?” Camila asks, mostly to the camera. “Not that they won’t be able to tell from the title.”

Lauren laughs. “Well, honestly, I’m just here because I want to eat fast food.”

Camila lets out a mock gasp, clapping her hand to her chest in offence. “Wow, so you’re _not_ here to support your beautiful, loving, caring girlfriend? We’re over.”

Lauren blinks at her. “Do I still get the free food, though?”

_[Write a comment…]_

**Ariana Grande** 1:12 lauren is me, i am lauren, we are one  
   **Camila Cabello** wow everyone i’ve ever dated has taken advantage of me for free food i can’t believe all these fake bitches i can’t trust NOBODY  
    **Lauren Jauregui** i aint sayin i’m a gold-digger but…..

  
_liked by_ **camila_cabello, lucyvives** _and_ **15,508 others**  
laurenjauregui: Happy birthday to the love of my life. You are the most remarkable human being I’ve ever met and I love looking back and seeing just how much you’ve grown from that little six year old who didn’t have any friends because she couldn’t speak English as well as everyone else yet. I’m so proud of all of your success and I know that you’re just going to keep succeeding in everything you do. I’m so thankful that whatever powerful force out there chose me to be your other half, and that I get to be on this journey with you. HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY CAMZ!!  


**camila_cabello:** this made my heart so happy i love you so much  
   **laurenjauregui:** I love you too Camziii

 **camrenisreal:** i’ve never loved a ship more oh my god they’re a fucking yacht  
   **camilajauregui:** THEY’RE ENDGAME

 

  
_liked by_ **dinahjane97, normani** _and_ **248,635 others  
camila_cabello: **best birthday ever, thank you to @ **laurenjauregui** for making it so amazing. i love you with everything i have.  


**laurenjauregui:** I love you too, Camz. Here’s to a million more birthdays together.  
   **camila_cabello:** uhhhh idk how to break it to u lo but i don’t think i’m gonna live until my 1,000,020th birthday  
    **laurenjauregui:** You know what I meant!!

 **dinahjane97:** Wow don’t thank us for the party then  
   **normani:** I know right we’re so underappreciated  
    **allybrooke:** Don’t forget the cake I made!  
     **dinahjane97:** Oh yeah and how we flew out her family to surprise her lol  
      **normani:** Obviously Mila doesn’t appreciate nice things unless your name is l**r*n j**r*g*i  
        **camila_cabello:** oh my god THANKS you weirdos now get off my post


	21. 20

“This doesn’t feel right.”

Camila rolls her eyes, grabbing Lauren by the wrist and pulling her out of the taxi. “It’s fine, I’ve told you a million times.”

She’s getting a little weary of reassuring her, if she’s being honest. For her birthday, Ally, Dinah and Normani had decided to take Camila on a vacation to Barcelona, and the dates just so happened to be the week of Lauren’s Spring break. The Spring break Camila had promised she’d spend with her.

Obviously, she’s not about to turn down her birthday present, so she’d booked an extra ticket, and they’d booked two rooms at the hotel, which means the three girls can go in together and Camila gets to stay with Lauren. But when she’d _presented_ her plan to Lauren, the older girl had shut her down immediately.

“No, I can’t accept that, sorry,” Lauren had replied, and Camila’s face fell, “I can’t just disappear off on a vacation I didn’t earn.”

“ _Lauren_ ,” Camila pouted, “it’s my _birthday_ trip, _and_ I promised I’d spend Spring break with you. Don’t turn me into a promise breaker.”

Lauren had sighed, but shook her head no. “I’m sorry, I wouldn’t feel right just taking that.”

“Well… well, I never paid you for the fast food video!” Camila excused easily. “This is your payment.”

“The free food was my payment, and I’ve told you a million times, you don’t need to pay me to make videos with you, I do it because it’s fun,” Lauren rolled her eyes, “so, I’m sorry, but I’m not going.”

Camila had _pretended_ to accept that, but really, she hatched a plan. This morning, she’d walked right into Lauren’s apartment with her key, packed a suitcase while the older girl slept, woke her up and told her the taxi would be there in twenty minutes. Lauren had protested, and Camila had practically dragged her up, telling her that she’ll force her to the airport in her pyjamas if she didn’t get ready.

Begrudgingly, Lauren had gotten ready to go, and the moment she walked out of the bathroom after brushing her teeth, Camila had grabbed her and pulled her out of the apartment, down the stairs and into the taxi.

Lauren had been grumbling the entire taxi ride to the airport, and she’s _still_ grumbling now. For a free vacation, it’s like it’s basically a _chore_ to her, but Camila doesn’t care about her bad mood. She’d got her girlfriend here, and that’s what mattered.

“Can I carry your bags, at least?” Lauren asks her, and Camila nods; she can let that happen if it’ll make Lauren feel better. “Thanks.”

She’s still in a bad mood, so Camila just kisses her cheek and sends her the brightest smile. “I know you don’t feel right about this, but I’m really happy you’re here. It wouldn’t be the same if you weren’t.”

Lauren doesn’t respond, just drags both of their suitcases along until they find one of the luggage trollies. When she’s pushing that along, and Camila brandishes their passports as they head to check in, she sighs. “I can’t believe you actually remembered that.”

“Lucy told me where you keep yours,” Camila shrugs, “now can you lighten up? You’re coming on vacation with me and that’s final, so you might as well be _happy_ about it. It’s a free trip!”

“That’s why I’m _not_ happy about it.” Lauren mutters, and even though Camila is sure she wasn’t supposed to hear that, she does. “Fine. I guess I’ll lighten up.”

“Good, and you do know you’re allowed to be treated sometimes, right?” Camila argues. “I’m your girlfriend, and I’m treating you. Okay?”

Lauren huffs. “ _Treating_ someone is like taking them to the movies, not to fucking _Spain_. _When they said no._ ”

“Okay, shut up, shove your stupid pride up your ass and _accept it_ ,” Camila rounds on her with a glare, because it’s actually making her _angry_ now. She doesn’t _care_ that they’re in the airport, doesn’t _care_ who could see. “Why can’t you just shut up and _be happy_?”

Lauren looks like she wants to say something, but she squeezes her eyes shut, runs a hand through her hair and turns away from her, pushing the luggage trolley towards the line for check in and baggage drop off.

Camila feels a little guilty for snapping, and she trails after Lauren, trying to lighten the mood. “Hey, what do you call a bear who lost his shoes? _Bear foot_.”

The corner of Lauren’s mouth tilts up in a tiny smile, and Camila feels better when they join the back of the line and Lauren takes her hand. “A king, a queen, and two twins all lay in a room, yet there aren’t any adults or children in the room. How is that possible?”

Camila frowns. “Are you testing me with a _riddle_?”

“Mhm,” Lauren nods, pushing the luggage forwards slightly as the queue moves. “Answer it?”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip in thought. “I don’t know, the king and the queen _are_ the twins and they’re _preteens_.”

“Nope, they’re all beds,” Lauren answers, and Camila thinks through the riddle and it clicks in her head. “Nice try, though.”

Camila scowls anyway, determined to get another one right. “Okay, ask me another.”

“Okay, uh,” Lauren pauses in thought, “a man goes to buy a used car. He finds a good car for $8,000, and he buys it without paying a dime. How?”

“He stole it,” Camila announces easily, “duh.”

Lauren laughs. “Nope, he didn’t pay a dime, he paid $8,000.”

“Can you like, give me an _easy_ one?” Camila asks. “Clearly I’m not smart enough.”

“That _was_ an easy one, the answer was literally _in_ the riddle,” Lauren thinks for a moment, pushing the luggage trolley forwards again as the line moves. “I am a mother’s child and a father’s child but I am nobody’s son. What am I?”

The answer seems obvious, and it makes Camila wary, but she says it anyway, “A daughter?”

“Correct. You just won our grand prize of a McDonald’s breakfast when we’re through security.” Lauren announces, mimicking a game show host. “You know, if you’re hungry.”

“I’m so down for that,” Camila says, and promises herself she’ll let Lauren buy her breakfast, not wanting to start any arguments about _money_ of all things. Camila has never seen money as an issue, and even if Lauren does, she doesn’t understand why she won’t accept it when Camila wants to pay for things. Surely, if she didn’t have a lot, and someone was offering her something, she’d take it?

Camila brushes the thoughts off. She shouldn’t think about that, because she’ll end up bringing it up again, and that could cause tension. Lauren is finally smiling, and she wants it to stay that way.

It doesn’t take long to drop their bags off and get through security; Camila has to wait for her carry-on to be scanned, and has to take all of her technological stuff out of her bag, but since Lauren didn’t have a carry-on – unless you count Nala – it takes her less time.

Lauren is waiting for her when Camila carries her things over and starts packing it away. “Need me to carry that when you’ve packed it all?”

“Baby, I’m not going to treat you like my pack-mule, even if you _are_ stronger than me,” Camila laughs, shouldering her backpack again and nodding at the stuffed lion tucked under Lauren’s arm. “You have your child to be concerned about.”

Lauren laughs at her words, checking the time on her phone. “Come on, it’s McDonald’s time. Where are your friends, anyway?”

“I told them we’d meet them once we’re all through security, saves time looking for each other before,” Camila says, “I’m sure Dinah will text asking where we are soon, but I’d rather have a cute and romantic breakfast with my love before we meet up with the crazies.”

Lauren snorts. “McDonald’s is hardly romantic.”

Camila shakes her head, insistent, “It is for us! We met again at McDonald’s-”

“Actually, we met again at a grocery store while you were ogling the bananas,” Lauren corrects her, “but go off, sis. Wait, did I use that right?”

Camila smiles fondly, _awing_ at how cute she is. “Yeah. Look at my girl go! Learning all the cool internet kid lingo.”

Lauren rolls her eyes and grabs her hand, pulling her in the direction of the McDonald’s. “Come on, I want pancakes.”

Camila lets her pull her over to the McDonald’s, happy that she’s perked up and accepted her vacation. She doesn’t realise how much of an expert Lauren is at really hiding her feelings.

-

“I’m going to go grab a bottle of water from the vending machine,” Camila announces, leaving her suitcase by her bag and pulling a couple of coins from her pocket. “Do you want anything?”

Lauren shakes her head, and Camila sends her an absolutely gorgeous smile before she leaves the room. When Lauren flops down on the hotel room bed, she feels like she can actually _breathe_. While she appreciates that Camila wants her here, she doesn’t feel right just _freeloading_ , because that’s what it is. Lauren had been raised to believe that if she wants something, she should earn it, which is why it doesn’t sit right with her that Camila had paid for everything for her. She understands that it probably didn’t affect Camila’s bank balance at _all_ , but for Lauren, a trip like this is a _lot_ of money.

If she’s being honest, it makes her feel a little inferior, being surrounded by people like Camila and Camila’s friends; she’s pretty sure Normani is wearing her entire four year’s tuition in the form of jewellery, and it makes her kind of angry, because she doesn’t believe that the top five percent should hoard so much wealth when people are starving out there. Camila had transferred her more money after the singing video, and while Lauren had kept half for her tuition fees, she’d donated most to charities. Lauren had always supported the Amy Winehouse Foundation, which helps prevent drug use in young people and support those with addiction, and it’s a cause that’s so close to her heart. When Camila had asked her to film the fast food video with her, she’d asked respectfully that she didn’t send her anything else, that if she was so desperate to do so, she should donate to them instead, and Lauren would be happy with that.

She lays out on the bed, wondering what the plan is for the rest of the day. Because of the time difference, they’d gotten in at around eight o clock at night, and she’d overheard Ally talking about going down to the hotel restaurant for dinner, and Lauren is already bracing herself for the price. When Lauren goes on vacations, she’s usually with Lucy, and they either road trip and find cheap motels on the way or they rent an AirBnB. They almost _never_ book actual hotels, especially ones like _this_ , which chandeliers in the lobby and room service and bellhops.

There’s a knock on the room door, and Lauren pushes herself off the bed, opening it up. Camila sends her a sheepish smile. “Hey, sorry, forgot my key. I brought you a water too, I know you like having one by your bed when you sleep.”

“Thanks, Camz,” any negative thoughts Lauren had are pushed to the back of her mind when she meets Camila’s warm brown eyes, “what’s the plan for the rest of the night, do you know?”

“Dinner, I think. We’re all pretty hungry after the flight.” Camila says, and yawns like she hadn’t slept for the entire thing. Lauren stayed awake, knowing that she’d end up jetlagged if she didn’t, and started reading a new book, _The Alienist._ It’s set in 1890’s New York, and it’s about a string of murders, all of the targets being young male prostitutes. There’s a lot of emphasis on the corruption of the police system at the time, and it’s when forensics and fingerprinting were in their infancies, so it’s like the book was written exactly to Lauren’s interest.

“Are we going to the restaurant here?” Lauren asks, reaching across to the other bedside table and grabbing the room service menu; that has to be the same as the stuff they’re offering downstairs. “I’m kind of craving pizza, honestly.”

Camila grins. “You know, you have the right idea there. Same, but that’s like my permanent state of being. I actually had an idea the other day to order like Dominos or Papa John’s and _then_ while that’s on its way, go to McDonalds, get some chicken nuggets, and then put the chicken nuggets on the pizza.”

“Sounds like your dream meal,” Lauren laughs, pouting slightly when there aren’t any pizzas on the menu for the restaurant downstairs. The prices aren’t that unreasonable, which is reassuring, and she puts the menu down and pats the pillow next to her. “Come cuddle.”

Camila practically dives on the bed at the invitation, wrapping her arms around Lauren and pulling her close. “You know, like, it really makes me laugh how like, nothing has changed between us except our titles, you know?”

Lauren raises her eyebrows, shivering when Camila’s hand finds its way up her shirt to rest on her waist. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, _you know_.”

“Shut up, I can’t help it, you know?” Camila rolls her eyes. “But what I _mean_ is like, literally nothing has changed in the way we act towards each other. All that changed was we went from friends to best friends to girlfriends, but we’ve acted the same the whole entire time, and I’m only just realising. No wonder people ship us. We’ve always acted like we’re in love with each other.”

“That’s because we always have been,” Lauren says before thinking about it, but for her, it’s not wrong. She’s loved Camila since she was eight, and she’d never _stopped_ loving her. “Because you’re my other half. And I love you so much.”

“Cheesy, much?” Camila jokes, like she isn’t equally as cheesy, and stands up, holding her hand out, “Come on, let’s go hammer on the girls’ door and see what we’re doing for dinner.”

Lauren pushes herself up, pouting when she realises she’d been lying on Nala, and her stuffed lion is all squashed. Fluffing the toy out, she leaves her on her pillow after snuggling her one last time and kissing the top of the lion’s head.

“Wow, should I give you two some privacy?” Camila jokes at the display of affection, “I feel like a third wheel.”

Lauren laughs at the joke, mostly because she feels like it’s her _job_ to laugh at Camila’s dumb jokes, and takes her girlfriend’s hand, grabbing the room key and tucking it in her pocket. “I’ve got a key, so you can forget yours. Which you will.”

“You’re damn right I will,” Camila laughs, pulling her out of the room, “you know, it’s probably best that you look after the keys. I always forget and end up locked out.”

“You’re lucky you have such a responsible girlfriend,” Lauren comments, smirking teasingly. “I hope we’re going somewhere that I can get something super cheesy and like _greasy_. I’m normally not in the mood for that kind of thing, but it’s one of those days where I just want to eat something _fried_ with a fuck load of cheese on it.”

“Big change from _oh, I cook for myself every night so I know what I’m putting in my body,”_ Camila teases her, “but I totally get it. Sometimes you just need a cheat day, right? Every day is a cheat day for me, but still.”

“So, is there like, a schedule for this trip?” Lauren asks, and Camila laughs at the question, so she takes it as a _no_. Lauren knows it’s kind of dorky, but any time she goes somewhere, she likes to have some kind of an agenda. She’s pretty sure she gets it from her mother; Clara is always making intense schedules of activities whenever they have a family holiday. “Okay, guess not then.”

Camila keeps laughing at her as she tugs Lauren down the carpeted hallways, and she realises what this hotel reminds her of; the _Overlook_ from _The Shining._ All expensive hotels always remind her of that kind of thing, and they always have the vague air of being haunted.

“Lo, you’ve known me for like my entire life,” Camila chuckles, “you should know I never have a plan for anything.”

That’s another one of their many differences; in a lot of ways, Lauren and Camila are on different ends of the same spectrum. Lauren is extroverted, Camila is introverted, Lauren is tidy, Camila is messy, Lauren likes to plan, Camila is spontaneous and makes it up as she goes along. It’s why she thinks they work, and incidentally, that’s the reason why she and Lucy never pursued anything, since they’re basically the same person in different bodies. While Lauren and Lucy were too alike, Lauren and Camila are different, but not _too_ different. They still have things in common, the same sense of humour, the same taste in shows and movies, and _obviously_ , amazing taste in women.

“Although,” Camila says, stopping her before they turn the corner to the stairwell; the other girls are on the floor above them. “I do have _one_ plan for while we’re here. Wednesday. We’re spending the day together, just the two of us, and I’m going to treat you like a literal queen, no arguments because it’s already set in stone. I just want to take a day to show you how much you mean to me.”

Camila plays with the promise ring that Lauren had given her, twisting it on her finger almost nervously. Not wanting to let her down, Lauren thinks _screw it_ and nods. “Okay. I can… I’m okay with that.”

Camila brightens immediately, and Lauren loves the way she looks when she smiles. It’s like the whole room lights up with Camila’s happiness, and everything seems that much brighter; even Lauren herself feels the effects.

“Nice!” Camila grins, before her fingers close around Lauren’s hand and she pulls her up the stairs. “The girls better be ready, I’m fucking hungry.”

When they arrive at the other girls’ room, it’s like a warzone. There are clothes everywhere, and Ally is sat on the double bed in the middle, watching the carnage as Dinah and Normani stress about what to wear. Lauren and Camila had just stayed in the same things they’d been wearing on the plane; ripped jeans, a band tee and her bomber jacket for Lauren, and regular jeans and a comfortable hoodie for Camila. Ally had seemed to have the same idea too, but clearly Dinah and Normani aren’t okay with that.

“Um, I guess you’re not ready to go, then?” Lauren asks Ally, who shakes her head as she examines the mess Normani and Dinah are making. She looks to a horrified Camila with a small smile. “I guess you’re not getting your food any time soon.”

“No, you know what, fuck you guys, come on Lauren, Ally,” Camila runs into the room, grabs Ally’s wrist, and grabs Lauren on her way past. “I’m not waiting for those idiots when I haven’t eaten anything except shitty airplane food.”

“No, Mila, we should wait,” Ally looks back at the room guiltily, “they’re hungry too.”

Camila’s expression darkens. “You know how long they take to get ready.”

“No, this could be good,” Lauren tries to lighten the mood, “we can go get a table, get drinks for the five of us, maybe message them and figure out what they want, and by the time they get down, food will be ready.”

“I _need_ a drink after watching that,” Ally comments, but laughs lightly after, “no, I’m playing, of course.”

Lauren laughs, and figures since it’s legal here for her to drink, she might as well. “Camz, want to go halves on a bottle of wine?”

“Sounds good, baby,” Camila smiles, kissing Lauren’s cheek. “Hopefully that’ll make me sleepy, otherwise I’ll stay up all night and won’t want to do anything tomorrow.”

“We’re going to that waterpark, aren’t we?” Ally asks. “I checked the weather and it’s going to be the warmest tomorrow, and then we can just explore on Tuesday, and Mila, you mentioned you just want a romantic day out on Wednesday, right?”

Lauren smiles at the words. “Well, now I know _someone_ has a schedule, I feel less like a headless chicken just running around.”

“In my defence, you should know not to ask _me_ for the schedule, I’m like the least organised person on the planet,” Camila laughs, “duh.”

They head down to the restaurant and get a table, and Ally texts Normani and Dinah to see what they want to eat and drink. Lauren heads to the bar, deciding to buy a round of drinks for everyone once she knows what they want. She gets a bottle of white wine for herself and Camila to share, and the moment she puts it down on the table, Camila opens it, pours herself a big glass and takes a massive gulp.

“Um, okay, wait for me?” Lauren laughs, and goes back over to the bar to get the other drinks. Ally joins her, helping her out, “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Ally smiles at her, and Lauren is pretty sure Ally is the most genuine person she’s ever met. Admittedly, when Camila told her she was a YouTuber and she lived with three _other_ YouTubers, Lauren had sort of expected them to be a bunch of sociopaths.

(In her defence, the only YouTubers she knew of at that point were the _really_ big ones, like the Paul brothers, which didn’t give her the best impression.)

She sits down next to Camila, and the younger Latina smiles. “Want to know a secret?”

“What?” Lauren asks. “What’s your secret?”

“I… want…” Camila looks at Ally, laughs, and then moves in close to Lauren, whispering into her ear. “I want to kiss you.”

Lauren laughs. “You can kiss me any time, Camz. I’m your girlfriend.”

“That is the smartest thing you’ve like, ever said.” Camila murmurs, pulling her in for a kiss. “Oh my god, I’ve had _half_ of one glass of wine and this is how I’m acting. Probably because I haven’t really eaten today.”

“I think you’re cute,” Lauren assures her, because it’s true. Camila is the cute kind of drunk, the kind that gets all giggly and happy, which is another thing Lauren adores about her. Even when she’s intoxicated, she’s still so pure.

Lauren takes a sip of her own wine, and even though half a bottle isn’t enough to make her anything more than tipsy, she promises herself she’ll go easy to look after Camila.

“Hey bitches,” Dinah pulls out the chair adjacent to Camila, the one they’d pulled up to the table, and grabs the Sprite Lauren had bought; Dinah didn’t drink much, according to Camila, and over text, that’s what she’d asked for. “I can’t believe none of you bothered to dress up.”

“It’s a restaurant in a hotel, who cares?” Camila laughs. “Besides, I look cute no matter what, right, Lo?”

Camila looks at her expectantly, and Lauren puts her hand on top of Camila’s on the table. “Of course.”

They order before Normani arrives, but they get what she wants over text message. It’s weird; Lauren thought she’d feel excluded, but Camila’s friends are so nice and accommodating, asking her about college and what she’s studying, and she’s glad that Camila has people like this in her life.

After their meal, Camila takes a bathroom break with Ally and Normani, and Lauren is _going_ to use that as an excuse to check her phone, but Dinah leans across the table and smiles at her. “So, _Lauren_. The _ren_ half of _Camren_.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows at the question. “Are you like, drunk off Sprite or something?”

“No, no,” Dinah takes another sip of her drink as if to emphasise that, “I know that Mila sees you as one of her best friends, but like. I need to do the best friend interrogation.”

Lauren hums in realisation. “Oh, so that’s why you’re acting weird.”

“Yeah. Wait, no, I’m not being weird,” Dinah rolls her eyes, “anyway, first, hurt her and I’ll actually murder you. Don’t think I’m kidding. I’ll sneak into your apartment and smother you with a pillow.”

“Smothering me would leave way too much evidence, what you have to do is- _wait,_ I’m not going to give you _tips_.” Lauren realises, shaking her head. “Anyway, if I hurt her, I’d attack myself, because she’s my best friend even though she’s my girlfriend.”

“Dammit, I want that, I want to fall in love with my best friend,” Dinah sighs, “you’re lucky I ship you guys or I’d be hella jealous. Ugh, okay, so… what are your _aspirations_? Is that even the right word?”

“You don’t have to like, best friend intimidate me or anything,” Lauren laughs, “I seriously wouldn’t let anything happen that could hurt her. I love her with everything I have and I know that she’s the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

Dinah squeals happily. “I knew I picked the right ship! You know, I told her to call you. When she ran into you and she was all like _oh my god I ran into Lauren_.”

Lauren pauses, realising the implication behind Dinah’s words. “She told you about me?”

Dinah shrugs. “I don’t know if she told Mani and Ally, but she told me everything when we met.”

“About everything?” Lauren’s eyes widen. “Like… the _stuff_ …”

Dinah sends her a sympathetic smile and Lauren knows the answer is a yes. “Hey, I’m not going to judge you on that stuff-”

Lauren stands up before she can finish, blurting out, “I have to go,” and turning tail to the elevators before the younger girl can say anything else. She aggressively presses the button, like that’ll make it come faster, and when it finally dings, she jumps in and presses the button to close the doors, hammering the one for the fifth floor.

When the elevator starts to move, she relaxes, pulling the room key from her pocket. She can’t deal with Camila’s _friends_ knowing that about her. People are judgemental, and when it comes to things like addiction, there’s a stigma surrounding it. She’s over it all, and she doesn’t want people she barely _knows_ knowing that she almost completely lost herself to drugs.

She bolts down the corridor as soon as the elevator doors open, unlocking the room door with shaky hands. She feels like she’s going to be sick, but she doesn’t go to the bathroom, just grabs Nala and curls up on the bed, not bothering to get into her pyjamas. She cries into her stuffed animal’s fur, because she _hates_ people knowing. Only her family, Camila and Lucy had known the full story until that point; even Alexa and Keana didn’t know a lot of it. But now she knows _Dinah_ is aware, which means Camila’s _other_ roommates probably do too, and nothing against them, but she doesn’t exactly _trust_ them. It could get out, and then Camila’s _fans_ would find out and tear her apart, because she already knows they don’t like her, that they want Camila back with her ex.

She jumps when here’s a knock on the door, and Camila’s voice comes through, muffled by the wood. “Lo? Can you let me in, please? I know you’re in there and I don’t have a key.”

Lauren stays put, hoping she’ll just go away, because she doesn’t want Camila to see her cry. Camila wants her to shut her mouth and smile and that’s what she’s trying to do. She hates feeling like this, because sometimes she almost _craves_ some kind of drug, knowing it’ll make her _stop_ feeling so sad, and _that_ just makes her hate herself even more.

“ _Princesa_ , I know you’re upset that I told Dinah, but in my defence, I was like fifteen and I never thought I’d see you again.” Camila assures her through the door. “And she’s not judging you on it. Ally and Normani don’t know either, I promise, just about the fact that we fought and it kind of killed me. Just please open the door so we can talk about this?”

Lauren wants to ignore her, but she finds herself getting up, Nala still held close to her chest. She opens the door, and Camila sends her a bright smile, pupils dilated from the alcohol she’d had. Lauren turns on her heel and collapses on the bed again, curling up with her stuffed lion, and she hears some shuffling around after Camila closes the door behind her.

“Okay, there, much better, I hate jeans,” Camila comments, and Lauren feels the bed sink under her weight. Suddenly, arms are around her, Camila’s chest pressed against her back, and she feels instant relief, even if she doesn’t want to admit it. “I’m sorry I told Dinah everything. Or, you know, everything I knew at the time. When I met her, I was still so sad because I’d lost you, and once she and I got close, I told her about us. About the kissing, the toxicity, the fight, the drugs, everything. Ally and Mani know some, but they don’t know the darker stuff. I needed to get it out, to tell _someone_ , and I never thought I’d see you again. I didn’t think it would matter.”

“But I’m so sorry, _princesa_ ,” Camila murmurs, kissing the top of her head, “that wasn’t my thing to tell people about and you know I wouldn’t ever say anything to anyone now. It’s personal, and I know it’s still a sensitive topic, and I’m so, _so_ sorry.”

Lauren twists in Camila’s arms so she’s facing her, the tips of their noses touching. “I’m not mad at you.”

“Good, because I don’t think I could handle it if you were,” Camila murmurs, brushing Lauren’s hair out of her face, “I love you so much. I’m sorry that past-Camila made you upset, and if you… if you want to talk about that stuff, it’s not off the table. I’m here for you no matter what.”

Lauren closes her eyes, shaking her head. “I’m not- it’s just not something I like to think about because I know how… how _easy_ it would be to fall back into it all. If I just don’t think about it, then it’s like it doesn’t exist to me. Sure, sometimes when my mood isn’t the best, I think about it, but…”

Camila kisses the tip of her nose. “But what?”

“But then I think about you. How disappointed you’d be, and I don’t ever want to disappoint you.” Lauren sighs. “Even before we started talking again, that was my motivation. But now, if I’m upset, I can call you and you’ll make me smile no matter what.”

“I love you, _princesa_ ,” Camila smiles, kissing Lauren’s forehead. “Now, how about we get in our pyjamas and try to get some sleep. We’ve got a long day tomorrow. A long _week_ ahead, really.”

Camila sits up, but Lauren doesn’t budge. “Only if you promise you’ll hold me all night.”

Camila grins. “That’s the one promise I’ll always be able to keep.”

-

“So, like, I know you’re not the _biggest_ fan of heights,” Camila prefaces over lunch; they’d found a random coffee shop and ordered a couple of sandwiches, “but I think this will be really cool; I found out that there’s some cable cars like, over by some castle or something? And I figured we could, you know, have a look?”

“You mean _we’re going on the cable cars and there’s nothing you can do about it,”_ Lauren quotes, meeting Camila’s gaze with a small smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll be okay with the heights as long as I’m holding your hand.”

Camila chuckles, and grabs a napkin, leaning over the table to wipe some mayo from the corner of Lauren’s mouth. “Sorry, you just, had a little something…”

“Thanks, Camz,” Lauren blushes, and immediately takes a sip of her coffee. So far, they’d had a nice day out; they’d said goodbye to the girls at the hotel after breakfast, and mostly just wandered around the city. It’s nice to explore new places; the only time Lauren had ever done that was on her road trip to LA with Lucy. It’s weird, going around without a plan, but Lauren is enjoying it nonetheless.

“So, cable cars, yes,” Camila announces, downing the rest of her lukewarm hot chocolate, “we’ll hold hands, and we’ll look at all the sights and make out, hopefully nobody else will be in there with us, I have anxiety around strangers.”

While that _used_ to be true, Lauren has noticed that Camila is so good with her fans, who are basically strangers to her. A couple of people had come up to them today; most talk to them both, but one girl had completely blanked Lauren and then glared at her when Camila wasn’t looking. Lauren had rolled her eyes pretty obviously back at her, and she knows it’s immature, but it made her feel better.

“Well,” Lauren finishes her drink and pulls her bomber jacket on. Camila eyes it up pretty obviously, and Lauren has made a mental bet with herself to see how long it takes Camila to fake being cold so she’ll give her her jacket, “you’d better lead the way, since you looked it up.”

“Well, I didn’t look up the _location_ ,” Camila rolls her eyes, and pulls up the maps app on her phone as they leave the coffee shop. “I’ll try find it, and if all else fails, one of us can just ask a stranger for directions.”

Lauren knows that _one of us_ is code for _you can_. “Good thing you taught me Spanish when we were little, huh?”

“Well, you taught me English, I was only returning the favour,” Camila jokes, grabbing her hand and swinging it between them as they walk. “Okay, well, it says it’s like a fifteen minute _drive_ , should we get an Uber?”

“Yeah, sure,” Lauren nods, and Camila quickly orders it, pulling her over to a bench and practically pushing her down onto it. “Okay, forceful much?”

Camila laughs, sitting down next to her, and Lauren puts her arm around her shoulders on instinct. “We’re going to Hard Rock Café for dinner. I’ve already called and booked it.”

“Okay,” Lauren knows better than to protest; she’d insisted on paying her way every day so far, but Camila had woken her up this morning and told her that she’s treating her today, and Lauren didn’t want to cause a fight. “I guess you’re craving a burger, then?”

“Mhm, but when am I _not_?” Camila laughs, before she leans against Lauren and sighs happily. “Lo? Thanks for letting me drag you here. If there’s one thing I always wanted to do when I was little, it was go on a vacation, just you and me, no dumb parents to suck all the _fun_ out of it.”

Lauren laughs at the mental image. “Just imagine like, us as eight year olds on a vacation with no parents. That’d be _wild_. Back then I was definitely the definition of _crazy_. I like to think I’ve calmed down now.”

“You were definitely calmer than me, you never had a good sugar rush.” Camila snorts. “Yeah, that’d be hilarious. But you _also_ just gave me like, a damn good idea for a video. Us recreating a day in our childhood.”

“Wait,” Lauren realises, “it’s Wednesday. Don’t you normally film today?”

“Yeah, usually, but I’ve taken the week off. Dinah prefilmed a video, but I think Normani and Ally are taking the week off too,” Camila shrugs, “and my girl is on her Spring break, so looks like we’re _all_ on vacation.”

Lauren’s stomach flutters at the words _my girl_ , and she adores the idea of being Camila’s. In reality, she always _has_ been Camila’s, but the fact that it’s official still overwhelms her in the best way. “I do appreciate you dragging me here. Thank you for wanting me here on your birthday trip, Camz.”

“I’ll always want you with me,” Camila pulls her in for a kiss, and sometimes Lauren wants to take a picture of moments like these and zap back in time to her little thirteen year old self, the one that thought she was broken, and show her the picture, show her that everything will be okay, that her feelings aren’t _wrong_ , that they’re beautiful.

When their Uber shows up, they both clamber in the back. The driver makes conversation, and Lauren chats with him, but Camila mostly stays quiet, holding Lauren’s hand for the trip. Once they’re out of the car, they buy tickets for the cable cars, and thankfully get one to themselves.

When the doors shut on them and they start to move upwards, Camila sits next to her and takes her hand, but Lauren immediately moves over to the other side. “Nope, we can’t have an uneven weight distribution like that, the cable might snap and I don’t want _that_.”

Camila laughs, but stays put on her side, reaching over and squeezing Lauren’s hand. “Alright, I’ll entertain your crazy. Do you want to pay to explore the castle?”

Lauren hums, her anxiety level rising with the cable car’s height. She’s grateful that it’s one of the enclosed ones, not one of the open ones with a shitty little door that you could easily fall out of. “We’ll see how we both feel once we’re up there.”

“Hey,” Camila smiles, holding out her hand. Lauren reaches forwards and takes it. “We’re okay. These wouldn’t be running if they weren’t safe, right? And look at the beautiful view! The whole city, right there, looking like it’s not even real because it’s so small. We should’ve done this at night, it’d look like the Peter Pan ride at Disney, even though that’s supposed to be London and we’re in Barcelona.”

“I loved that trip,” Lauren comments, wanting to take her mind of just how high up they are and how far they could _fall_. “I genuinely thought I’d have the guts to walk up to you in school the next Monday and kiss you.”

“That would’ve been around five years ago, huh?” Camila thinks back, and Lauren feels her thumb trace patterns over her knuckles. “I loved that trip too. I don’t think I realised how much I missed you until that trip. But like, I miss you when you go to the bathroom, so…”

Lauren laughs weakly at the joke, tensing as the cable car goes over one of the wheels and shakes. Camila squeezes her hand comfortingly. “I wish I did. Kiss you at school, I mean. I wish I’d just had the fucking guts to do it and then we’d be five years into a relationship and not like three months.”

“I know, baby, but it’s all good. Seriously, I’m happier we’re together now, when we’re mature adults, and I use the word _mature_ very loosely, but still,” Camila shrugs, “we both know who we are, we’re comfortable in ourselves, and we know that we won’t cause each other any kind of heartbreak. I wouldn’t want the complications of a high school relationship with someone that means so much to me.”

“I guess you’re right, I just sometimes wish I was your first _everything_ , you know?” Lauren sighs, and as the cable car starts to slow, she twists around and sees that they’re coming up to the exit. “Thank _god_.”

Camila holds her hand as they jump out onto the platform, and the follow the people from the car before them, out into the grounds of a beautiful castle. “I wish I lived in a castle. Like, no wonder Cersei will do anything to stay in power, because she gets to live in a fucking cool castle.”

“Actually, fun fact, some scenes were filmed around here,” Lauren tells her, her useless knowledge finally coming to _some_ use, “not to sound like too much of a nerd or anything, but in the next city over, Girona, they filmed Arya’s Braavos scenes and the season six scene with the Great Sept of Baelor.”

“We have to go,” Camila decides on the spot, “you don’t happen to know how to hotwire a car, do you? I think we have to be 25 to rent one, so we can always just _borrow_ one.”

“I’d rather not get arrested, thanks,” Lauren replies, ignoring a few street vendors that had set up shop in the castle grounds, probably trying to trick tourists into buying their cheap merchandise. “What time are we booked in for dinner?”

“Um, six thirty,” Camila says, wandering over to the information sign before the big stone arch entrance to the castle, “ _Castell de Montjuïc._ Oh, it’s not an old rich people castle, I don’t think. Says it was a military fortress. Want to go in?”

“Depends on how much it is. If it’s free, definitely,” Lauren replies, but she knows it’s not likely; most things nowadays aren’t. It’s one thing she likes about museums; most of them merely take donations, and even though she goes because it’s free, she always gives what she can. “Do _you_ want to go in?”

“We could go in and pretend that we’re at Hogwarts,” Camila laughs, pulling her across a stone bridge towards the entrance, “Come on, Hermione! Neville is in trouble!”

“Did you like, age at all after you hit ten?” Lauren asks as Camila pulls her along, through another stone archway and into the ticket area. “I’m genuinely curious.”

“Not at _all_ , Lauren Michelle,” Camila grins, “and you _like_ it, because I know for a _fact_ that you didn’t either.”

“You have absolutely no proof,” Lauren laughs as they join the back of the line. “I hope they have dungeons. I wonder if it’s haunted, I love asking employees about that kind of thing. I was pretty sure the Target I worked at one summer was haunted, I’m ninety percent certain I saw a ghost in the stock room.”

Camila pouts. “I’ve never seen a ghost. Maybe ghosts just hate me.”

“Maybe they think you’re too much of a scaredy cat, unlike _me_. I’m obviously a badass, so I can handle it.” Lauren jokes. She puts an arm around Camila’s shoulders, getting that same buzz of excitement she feels any time they _ever_ do anything touchy in public. Obviously Lauren doesn’t want to shove her tongue down Camila’s throat in the middle of a ticket line, but she does like being affectionate.

“I actually hope that no ghosts overheard that and decide to show themselves to me tonight,” Camila snorts, “I have a strong feeling our hotel is haunted.”

“Me too!” Lauren exclaims, because she’s pretty sure that _ninety percent_ of all hotels are haunted. “Maybe we should pull out your camera and go ghost hunting tonight.”

“Tomorrow for definite, I have a different plan for tonight,” Camila elusively replies, and Lauren isn’t sure if she should be concerned or not. “And no, before you ask, I’m not telling you the plan, it’s a surprise.”

Lauren decides to go with it. “Okay, sure, I’ll let you surprise me.”

They buy tickets, and Camila is happily skipping along, pulling Lauren with her. They hadn’t bothered joining any tour groups, and just wander around aimlessly, peering into different airy stone rooms and running around the grounds like idiots.

When Camila hops up on a fence and peers over to a secluded, grassy area, she immediately pushes herself up as if to _climb over_. “Wait, Camz, I don’t think we’re supposed to go in there.”

Camila laughs, and hops over the fence, landing on the other side and looking at Lauren with a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Come on, nobody will know.”

“No, come on, get out of there,” Lauren insists, “It’s fenced off for a reason, Camz, what if there’s live electrical equipment or something?”

“Lo, it’s literally just some grass and another wall,” Camila laughs, “like a little passageway. Probably was some kind of moat before, but there’s nothing dangerous, come on. Aren’t you supposed to be the badass?”

Lauren sighs, muttering _the things I do for this asshole_ , to herself as she hops the fence and immediately goes to pull Camila back to it. “Come on, we’re not supposed to be down here.”

Camila smirks, and pushes her up against the stone wall. “Maybe I wanted a little privacy.”

 _Okay, well_ , is the only thought Lauren’s brain forms as Camila kisses her neck, sucking on her sensitive pulse point. Lauren whimpers, fingers tangling in Camila’s hair, but she pushes the younger girl away, knowing that she’s left a hickey. “Okay- that was- um, fucking amazing, but can we leave? I don’t want to get in trouble.”

Camila meets her gaze with a fond smile, and she pulls her in for another kiss, but this time it’s gentler and sweeter. “Sure, _princesa_. Come on.”

They hop the fence again, and they’re walking across the grounds perfectly fine when Camila shoves her, yells, “Tag, you’re it,” and _bolts_ across the grass.

“Fucking bitch!” Lauren calls after her, sprinting to catch up, and she’s lucky that Camila doesn’t really _run_ at all, because she catches her easily, tagging her back as she runs past, “ _you’re_ it, asshole!”

“No tag backs!” Camila argues as she chases her, “so _you’re_ still it.”

Lauren rolls her eyes, slowing her pace slightly, letting the younger girl catch up. “That rule doesn’t work when there’s only two people in the game, you’re just salty because I got you in like five seconds.”

Camila scoffs, and when she’s level with Lauren, she tags her again. “Hah, thanks for falling for that, _now_ you’re it.”

Lauren easily catches her again, tagging her as she bolts past, appreciating all of the softball training from senior year and the runs she goes on for exercise. _And_ appreciating the fact that _Camila_ never exercises.

As the younger girl tries to catch her, Lauren darts behind a little stone building, probably an old armoury of some description, and snickers to herself as Camila looks around wildly, clearly wondering how she’d just disappeared.

“Over here, loser!” Lauren peers out from behind the building, waving mockingly, and as Camila sets off at a sprint, she runs in the opposite direction, across the sweeping lawns. She knows there are probably some _no walking on the grass_ signs, but that’s the kind of rulebreaking Lauren will tolerate.

She doesn’t expect Camila to catch up to her, and she _especially_ doesn’t expect the younger girl to basically _tackle her to the ground_ , all while screaming in a deafening war cry. Lauren hits the grass with a _thud_ , Camila on top of her, pinning her down. “To quote your favourite movie… _pinned ya_.”

Lauren just smiles, looking up into the brown eyes that she loves. “Looks like you did.”

“You _lose_ , _loser_. Time for me to take my prize.” Camila announces, before she leans down and presses a gentle kiss to Lauren’s lips. Lauren smiles against it, hand touching Camila’s waist, pulling her closer, until she realises they’re literally _on the ground, making out in a historical tourist attraction_.

“Alright, alright, get off me,” Lauren nudges her, and Camila obliges, standing up and holding out a hand to help Lauren up. She brushes the grass off herself, ignores the disapproving look some woman is giving them, and squeezes Camila’s hand. “Come on, loser. I’ll buy you a hat from the gift shop just for being able to catch me.”

“I honestly used like, every single ounce of energy I have in my entire body,” Camila laughs, “you’re fast, Lo. Damn.”

Lauren snorts. “I can’t believe we _actually_ just had a whole game of tag. How old are we again?”

“We’ll always be kids at heart, Laur,” Camila easily summarises, and Lauren has to agree with her. It’s why they’re so compatible; they’re both just two big kids. “And I’m totally taking you up on that hat offer.”

Camila pulls her to the gift shop, and Lauren buys her a black _I heart Barcelona_ baseball cap, and Camila wears it as they spend the rest of the day exploring. They get the cable car back down the mountain that the castle is on, and decide to just walk in the general direction of the Hard Rock Café, exploring other places on the way.

“Can we get a snack?”

Lauren laughs at Camila’s request. “Of course that’s what you want.”

“Well, _duh_ , snacks are the best,” Camila rolls her eyes, “and dinner isn’t for like, another hour and a half, _and_ that’s only when our table is booked for, so realistically, we’ll be eating in _two_ hours, and I’m hungry.”

Lauren glances around for somewhere that could be good for snacks. She’s not particularly hungry, but she walks Camila over to a little convenience store. They easily locate the candy aisle, and Camila buys herself a chocolate bar, Lauren watching on with a disgusted expression.

“Hey, you’re the weird one,” Camila defends herself as they walk down the sidewalk and she’s already halfway through her chocolate bar, “chocolate is fucking _good_ , okay?”

“Agree to disagree with you on that,” Lauren comments, and she thinks her dislike for sweet things is one of her main pros as a person; with the way her mom’s friends always talk about cakes and chocolates on their Facebook pages, she thinks they’re pretty dependent on it.

They don’t really talk much as they’re walking around, and Lauren loves how they can just enjoy each other’s presence without pressure of conversation. As it gets closer to dinnertime, Lauren _is_ starting to get quite hungry, and when they’re making their way to the restaurant, Camila smirks as her stomach growls. “Bet you’re wishing you’d had a snack now, huh?”

Lauren shakes her head. “Nope, I’m going to be fine, I’ll enjoy my dinner more.”

They get seated, and Lauren is glad that Camila thought to make a reservation, because it’s really busy. Camila orders a Pepsi to drink and Lauren sticks with ice water; her hatred for most things sweet also includes soda. Very occasionally, she’ll have a Fanta or something, but she mostly hates it all.

They order both of their meals, and a starter to share, and when their food comes, they find themselves people watching as they munch on their nachos.

“Okay, so, those guys over there,” Camila says as she dips her nacho in the guacamole, “world class sports team, here on a night out to blow off some steam before the big match tomorrow. That guy there, the big one? He’s in love with the guy next to him but can’t admit it because of the toxic masculinity and homophobia surrounding sports.”

“Nice one,” Lauren grabs a nacho that’s practically drenched in cheese and makes sure she gets some salsa on there, “that couple just across from us? The guy is dumping her. Not for any real reason, but because _she’s eating her burger with a knife and fork._ ”

Camila snorts. “When my burger comes, I’m going to eat it with a knife and fork just to annoy you.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows. “Do you seriously want to risk me dumping your ass?”

Camila claps her hand to her chest in mock offence. “ _Lauren_ , I can’t believe you won’t accept me, flaws and all!”

Lauren laughs. “What do you think people would say about us if they were doing this?”

“They’d say _dang, the scrawny one with the big ass has the hottest girlfriend ever, good for her_ ,” Camila jokes, and Lauren snorts some of her drink up her nose from laughing at the wrong time, “and I’d totally agree with them.”

“You’re not scrawny,” Lauren assures her, “Maybe when we were kids, but we were _both_ scrawny.”

“Oh, true,” Camila laughs, “but that was my fault, I’d steal all your food any time you came over for dinner. Damn, now that I think about it, you’ve always been whipped for me, huh?”

Lauren tries to act casual. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You might not want to admit it, but I know the truth,” Camila grins, “I’ll test my theory once I’ve vacuumed up my burger and I look cute until you give me your fries.”

Lauren hums. “Pretty sure that could class as manipulation right there.”

“Oh, shut up, you love me.” Camila grins, “So much that I definitely had more than half of those nachos.”

Lauren smiles. “Yeah. I really, _really_ love you.”

“And I love you,” Camila announces, like it wasn’t already obvious. “And I know you’re my girlfriend and everything, but you’re still my best friend, you know?”

“Yeah, _I know_ ,” Lauren teases her, and Camila rolls her eyes at her, “seriously, though, I think we’re lucky we have that. Sure, we’re together, but you’re my best friend first.”

Camila scoffs. “You’re not _going_ to be my best friend if you keep _mocking_ me.”

“But that’s what best friends _do_ ,” Lauren reminds her in a sing song voice, “you make fun of me too!”

“Fine, I guess you have a point.” Camila laughs. “Anyway, _will_ you give me half of your fries?”

She does; only because when Camila finishes all of her food, she looks at her with these big brown eyes and Lauren can’t help herself, pushing her remaining fries over the table at Camila.

When they finish their meal, they walk back to the hotel, hand in hand, and Lauren is glad that Camila had dragged her on this vacation if only for this one day. It’s been perfect, Lauren decides as they get in the elevator.

Camila confirms Lauren’s thoughts when they get up to the room and she shuts the door behind them, pulling Lauren in for a kiss. “Well, I can say I had a wonderful day. Did you?”

“Of course,” Lauren smiles. “I was with you, wasn’t I?”

“I love you, Lauren,” Camila murmurs, her hands coming to rest on Lauren’s waist. She bites down on her bottom lip, and Lauren meets the beautiful eyes she’s fallen for. “Today, I wanted to show you how much I love you. I wanted to take you out and treat you like a queen, show you just how much you mean to me, how much you’ve _always_ meant to me. And I wanted to… to ask if I could keep showing you that right now.”

For a moment, Lauren doesn’t know what she’s talking about, but then it clicks in her head. “Oh. You… you want to be… _intimate_ with me?”

“That’s the sweetest way to put it, and _yeah_. I really do.” Camila murmurs, tugging at the hem of Lauren’s t-shirt. “Is that… um, okay?”

Lauren blinks at the words, but nods easily. “Of course. Yeah.”

Camila stares at her with so much love and adoration, and in the back of her mind, Lauren kind of bookmarks this as her _real_ first time. Sure, she’d been with Brad, but only when she was drunk or high out of her mind, and when she slept with Lucy it had been a casual hookup. She’s never slept with anyone and had genuine _feelings_ attached to it, and already, this means so much more than everything else.

Camila is so gentle as she leads her over to the bed, her hand caressing the curve of Lauren’s back as she looks at her. She pulls her in for a soft kiss, and already this experience is so different to any of Lauren’s others. A moan reverberates at the back of Lauren’s throat as Camila pulls her closer by the waist, and she lets out a surprised gasp when Camila bites her lip. She feels the younger girl smirk against her and use that opportunity to slip her tongue into Lauren’s mouth, and already, she’s completely drowning in Camila. She’s surrounded by her touch, the smell of her perfume, her coconut conditioner and her gentle gaze.

When they finally part, Camila smiles, playing with the hem of Lauren’s shirt. “Can I undress you?”

Lauren just nods, and lets Camila pull her shirt off her. The younger girl tosses it aside, messy as always, and unbuttons Lauren’s jeans, helping her out of them. Admittedly, Lauren feels pretty exposed, with Camila still fully dressed and Lauren stripped down to her underwear, but Camila looks at her with so much adoration that Lauren finds it hard to feel insecure.

“You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen,” Camila murmurs, and gently pushes Lauren back onto the bed, pulling her own jeans off. She kisses down Lauren’s tummy, and she shivers at the feeling. “You’re my everything.”

“Camz,” Lauren murmurs as Camila kisses her neck. “Camila, wait-”

Immediately, Camila _halts_. She stops kissing her, and sits up, straddling Lauren’s waist, hands on her own thighs. “What’s wrong, are you uncomfortable? We don’t have to do anything.”

“No, no, trust me, I want to,” Lauren reassures her, reaching out and taking Camila’s hand, “I love you.”

Camila smiles, squeezing her hand, and Lauren looks up at the gorgeous woman, unable to comprehend how she’s the one she wants. “Then what’s wrong, baby?”

“I just- I just wanted to make sure that _you’re_ comfortable and okay,” Lauren prefaces; she knows it’s stupid because of the signals Camila had been sending, and because Camila had initiated this whole thing, but Lauren had never asked her if she was comfortable when they were younger, and she knows they’ve never taken this step, and it seems important.

“Babygirl,” Camila grins, “you know, consent is sexy as hell, so thanks for asking that. Yes, I’m totally okay and totally comfortable. I’m just glad we’re finally doing this. That I finally get to show you just how much I love and appreciate you, after all these years.”

Lauren opens her mouth to jokingly sing Camila’s song, but the younger Latina takes that as her signal and leans down, cupping her jaw with her hands and pulling her in for a kiss. Lauren’s nails dig into Camila’s back when the younger Latina grinds against her centre, and the younger Latina chuckles lightly. “Wow, so eager.”

“I can’t help myself,” Lauren murmurs, kissing Camila’s jaw, “Basically been waiting my whole life for this.”

Camila smiles, fingers running the length of Lauren’s curves, just appreciating her body. Lauren ignores any insecurities she has; with Camila, she knows she won’t be judged on anything. Camila will find all of her beautiful, and that’s how Lauren knows they’re two halves of the same heart, because she feels exactly the same way. If Camila had any imperfections, she’d still find them perfect.

Camila guides Lauren in for another kiss, this time a little rougher than before, but still so gentle. Lauren lets her hands wander as the younger girl straddles her waist, melting into the kiss, into the feeling of Camila’s body against her, and that’s when she realises Camila is still wearing a shirt. _That_ won’t do at all.

She pulls away, meeting brown eyes swimming with love, and murmurs, “Can I take your shirt off?”

Camila nods, and Lauren’s fingers fumble with the buttons on her shirt, because even though she doesn’t want to admit it, she’s nervous. She’s _beyond_ nervous, because if there’s ever a sexual encounter that means more, it’s _this_ , and she wants to make it perfect for Camila. She wants to make their first time together the _best_ time.

Camila seems to sense her nerves, and she presses a kiss to Lauren’s forehead as she undoes the final button of her shirt. “There’s no pressure, Lo. I’m with you, that makes this so special already.”

She shrugs off her shirt and tosses it across the room, and as Lauren looks at the woman straddling her waist, stripped down to her bra and panties, she’s pretty sure she’s never seen such a beautiful sight. Camila is a fucking _goddess_.

The younger girl smiles like she’s read Lauren’s mind, and leans down, kissing her neck, gently pulling and sucking on the sensitive skin, leaving her mark as her fingers trace patterns down Lauren’s curves. Everything is so hypersensitive, and Lauren sighs at the smooth, tender touches, fingers tangling in Camila’s hair. She moans when Camila kisses a particularly sensitive point near her collarbone, and she feels the younger Latina smile against her skin.

“That’s my favourite sound,” Camila murmurs against her, pulling her in for a real kiss again, “you’re my favourite in _general_. My person.”

Lauren wonders if she can convey exactly how she feels through a kiss, but when they part again, she keeps Camila close and murmurs, “thank you for choosing me.”

“Didn’t choose you, _princesa_ ,” Camila murmurs, fingers toying with the clasp on the back of Lauren’s bra. “And you didn’t choose me. It was always going to happen, us ending up together.”

Lauren sees the question in Camila’s eyes, and she nods easily in consent. Camila unclasps her bra, tossing it aside, and leans down, kissing Lauren’s jaw, her cheek, her neck, all while her hands explore the sensitive skin of Lauren’s breasts, caressing and pulling the sensitive peak. Lauren whimpers at the touch, and again, feels Camila smile at the sound. Her fingers dig into the exposed skin of Camila’s back as the younger Latina grinds against her at just the right place, and before she can think about it, she blurts out, “ _Camila_ …”

Camila lets out a shaky breath. “My name has never sounded so beautiful.”

Lauren looks at her, completely wrapped up in so much love, and she pulls her down for a real kiss, already so emotional. “Are you- are you going to touch me?”

“I thought I’d taste you instead, beautiful,” Camila murmurs, walking her fingers down across Lauren’s tummy, “is that okay?”

“You can do anything you want,” Lauren assures her, meaning it completely. Camila could probably pull out a knife right now and stab her and she’d be totally fine with it. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, _princesa_. More than anything.” Camila almost whispers, meeting her gaze with watery eyes. She smiles softly, brushes Lauren’s hair back with her fingers, and kisses down the valley between her breasts to her stomach.

Lauren feels hands caressing her curves again, before fingers tug at the elastic waistline of her panties. Camila takes her panties off her, and tosses them across the room haphazardly, kissing down to Lauren’s tummy. Almost as a response, the butterflies that have been living in there since Camila had taken up residence in her life again go wild, and Lauren tangles her fingers in Camila’s hair, almost pushing her down.

Camila chuckles. “See? Eager beaver.”

Lauren can’t help herself; she laughs, and she’s so, _so_ infinitely happy that she’d fallen in love with someone she can laugh with, even in such intimate moments like this. Lauren had fallen in love with her best friend, and that’s all she could ever want.

Her laugh is cut short with a gasp when Camila finally kisses her entrance, and that’s when she realises that this isn’t how it should go. “Wait!”

Again, Camila backs off immediately. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Lauren blushes. “Can I, you know, go first?”

Camila frowns. “Wait, but I’ve got you all worked up…”

“I just want to be able to give you my everything, I want to make it all special for you,” Lauren pushes herself up onto her elbows, and Camila leans down to kiss her. “Can I?”

Camila seems to consider this, but after a few moments, she smiles, nodding. “Okay. Yeah.”

Lauren smiles, kissing her again, but instead of pulling back and letting Camila have her way with her, she trails kisses from her mouth to that ever-so-sharp jawline. Lauren is kind of obsessed with Camila’s jawline; in fact, she’d almost followed one of those fan pages that was dedicated to posting pictures of Camila’s jawline, but managed to restrain herself at the last moment.

Camila’s arms wrap around her waist, holding her close, and Lauren breathes out a happy sigh against the younger Latina’s skin. She leaves a hickey at the bottom of Camila’s neck, right by her collarbone, fingers fumbling with the clasp of Camila’s bra.

Camila easily shrugs her bra off and tosses it away, and Lauren reaches down, one hand squeezing Camila’s ass as she kisses her. _God_ , she loves everything about her. As Lauren starts to kiss down to her breasts, Camila moans, and the sound winds Lauren up even more. The idea that _she_ made that come out of her… it just turns her on. Pleasuring Camila, making _Camila_ feel loved, is enough for Lauren.

“Babygirl,” Camila gasps out as Lauren kisses the sensitive skin of her breasts, licking and sucking at the sensitive peak. Lauren can feel Camila grinding against her, she can feel the wetness between her thighs, and it’s driving her crazy. “That’s so good. You’re so good.”

Lauren’s stomach flutters at the praise, and she feels Camila slowly pushing her back against the pillows. She wonders if Camila is going to take control, and if she’s being honest, she’d one hundred percent let her. She watches as Camila takes her panties off, completely blown away by the woman in front of her. She gently pushes her against the pillows, and Lauren lays back, looking up at the goddess she fell for.

With the look Camila is giving her, that pure hunger in her eyes, Lauren knows what she wants. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” Camila looks at her with so much consideration, ignoring that innate hunger just to make sure Lauren is okay. “I love you, babygirl.”

Lauren puts her hands on Camila’s waist, pulling her forwards, and the younger Latina moves forwards, riding against Lauren’s mouth. Even though she was expecting it, Lauren gasps, hands grabbing Camila’s ass as she kisses her clit, licking and sucking as the younger girl moans on top of her. She goes slowly, even though Camila is grinding against her mouth, because she wants to make this last, to make Camila feel as good as possible.

Camila moans, throwing her head back, riding against Lauren. The emotion attached to them, the love that they share, makes her feel so much more as she listens to the sounds of Camila’s pleasure, hands squeezing her girl’s ass as she pleases her. Lauren knows Camila is close, and she goes faster, her heart jumping when Camila moans, “ _Lauren_.”

“Fuck, Lo,” Camila lets out, her breathing heavy as she falls apart on top of her, “Lauren, oh my god…”

It turns Lauren on to hear Camila moaning her name like that, and when the younger girl moves to straddle her waist again, she leans up to kiss her. Camila tastes herself on Lauren’s lips, but what she _really_ wants is to taste _Lauren_.

“Babygirl, you’re amazing,” Camila murmurs, running her fingers through Lauren’s hair. “I hope I can make you feel as good as you just made _me_ feel.”

Lauren smiles, the taste of Camila still on her lips. “I know you will.”

Taking that as her green light, Camila grins at her, before leaning down and trailing kisses down to Lauren’s tummy again. Lauren is still so wrapped up in Camila that she knows a single touch from the younger girl could be enough to push her over the edge; both physically and emotionally. She’s so in love with Camila, and she can’t imagine ever being with anyone else; in a different world, _Camila_ was her first time, and while she’s not, she’s the first that _matters._

Camila kisses her clit, fingers toying with the sensitive peak of Lauren’s breasts, and the older girl gasps, fingers burying themselves in Camila’s hair. “Camz-”

She feels Camila smile against her, and it makes her all the crazier. Every little thing that this woman does, it makes her entire being react. She whines as Camila licks and sucks, pleasuring her slowly, gently, and Lauren knows that this goes beyond just _sex_. This is intimacy, this is _love._

Lauren pushes Camila down with her hands, knowing that she’s close to the edge, and just when she’s about to tumble over, Camila stops, pulling away from her, trailing kisses back up her tummy, through the valley between her breasts, and right up to her lips. Lauren tastes herself in Camila’s kiss, but she’s far too focused on how close she is, how much she needs the release, and she squeezes her thighs together desperately, eyes screwed shut.

She gasps when Camila’s fingers tease her entrance, and the younger girl uses that as her opportunity to slip her tongue into Lauren’s mouth. Camila kisses her gently, murmuring sweet nothings as she rubs Lauren’s clit with her thumb, pumping two fingers into her and curling them in all the right places.

“Camz,” Lauren gasps as an immense wave of pleasure washes over her, drowning her, swallowing her whole, and she’s so overwhelmed with adoration for her girlfriend, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Lauren,” Camila murmurs as she comes down from her high. “So much.”

As her breathing levels out, Lauren cups Camila’s jaw and pulls her in for a kiss. Camila smiles into it, and Lauren lets out a happy sigh as Camila shifts off her and flops onto the right side of the bed. Lauren easily rests her head on Camila’s shoulder, just enjoying the comfortable silence and the relaxing presence of the love of her life.

Lauren almost thinks that Camila has fallen asleep, but the younger Latina is the one to break the silence. “How do you feel, babe?”

Lauren sends her the happiest smile she can muster, and Camila absolutely adores the galaxies in her eyes, the green as bright as a supernova. “I feel… like I’m home.”

 **VLOG 58 – GHOST HUNTING IN BARCELONA**  
_1,450,976 views_  
Camila Vlogs -------- SUBSCRIBE: 1.6M  
Published Mar 27, 2017

“Oh my god, I can sense the… the _ectoplasm_ …” Camila stares into the camera with wide eyes, turning it to Lauren, “can you feel that, Lo? The… the _ghostiness_?”

“I think we’re going to die,” Lauren plays along with her, “if the ghost attacks us, if it’s a _demon_ , then tell my parents and siblings that I love them, and I want them to bury Nala with me.”

“Boo!” Dinah pops around the next corner of the hallway, covered in a sheet, and Camila and Lauren scream and run in the opposite direction, sheet-clad Dinah chasing after them.

“Oh my god oh my god oh my god- _Lauren!”_ Camila gasps as Lauren fake falls. “No!”

“Go on without me!” Lauren cries out as Dinah descends upon her. “I love you!”

“Oh my god, the ghost killed my girlfriend,” Camila bolts down the corridor, angling the camera back to see Lauren lying still on the carpeted floor and Dinah chasing after Camila, “ _it’s still coming for me_!”

“Fuck, it’s gaining on me! If I die, please let my main channel hit ten million subs out of respect, thanks!” Camila says, before she lets out a scream and falls. The video cuts out, but cuts back a few seconds later, Dinah still covered in the sheet. She holds it, facing the camera for a moment, before panning down to Camila and Lauren, the younger girl lying still on top of the older girl.

“Gurl, that’s what you get when you disturb my beauty sleep,” Dinah says, before angling the camera back at herself and announcing, “anyway, subscribe to Dinah Jane, who _isn’t_ me, by the way. Bye!”

_[Write a comment…]_

**Camren Updates** okay but did you guys get a noise complaint from all that screaming  
   **Camila Cabello** yes but they were sympathetic when they realised we’d been murdered by a ghost  
    **Lauren Jauregui** _+Camren Updates_ Yeah, we’re ghosts now, too. When they came up to tell us there’d been a noise complaint we used our ghost powers to make them completely forget the whole thing ever happened.  
     **camren jauregui** _+Lauren Jauregui +Camila Cabello_ shut up you guys are too cute

 **Camren is real** is nobody gonna talk about the hickeys all over lauren’s neck????  
   **Lauren Jauregui** Those aren’t hickeys that’s where the ghost beat me up duh

  
_liked by_ **laurenjauregui, allybrooke** _and_ **173,376 others  
camila_cabello: **spent the week in barcelona with an angel i love u lauren

 **laurenjauregui:** Legit this picture is actually so cute, gotta send it to my mom.  
   **camila_cabello:** legit this comment is actually so cute, gotta go kiss the girl who wrote it

 **normani:** Okay so what are we chopped liver?  
   **dinahjane97:** Tbh I don’t even know why I ship them when she just ignores us all the time lol  
    **allybrooke:** Always so underappreciated!


	22. 21

“Is Lauren in?” Camila asks Lucy as she walks into the apartment, swinging her keychain around on her fingers. “I was bored and thought I’d come and annoy her.”

“Oh shit, she gave you a _key_?” Lucy looks up from the kitchen counter as she’s making a sandwich. “And yeah, she’s in her room but she told us all not to _disturb_ her. I think she’s working on an essay.”

“Well, you know what, I’m her girlfriend, I can _disturb_ her when I want,” Camila decides, walking across to Lauren’s bedroom door. “Essays be damned.”

She’s joking, obviously, and if Lauren tells her to go away, she will. Lucy laughs at her confidence. “Alright, but if she bites your head off, I told you so.”

Camila snorts as she opens Lauren’s bedroom door and shuts it behind her, but she frowns when her girlfriend _isn’t_ there. “Lo?”

She spots the curtains that open to Lauren’s balcony moving in the wind, and realises that she’s probably out there. She smiles, crossing the room, and pushes the curtains aside, and meeting Lauren’s gaze just as she takes a drag from the joint she’s smoking.

“Oh,” Lauren blows out the smoke, looking a little guilty. “Hi.”

Camila eyes the joint with slight disappointment, and she hates the smell because it brings back bad memories, but she doesn’t comment on it. She knows that Lauren smokes occasionally, and she doesn’t mind, because it’s not like it’s excessive. She’s just stressed.

“Hey,” Camila pulls out the chair across from her, thankful that the wind is blowing away from her. “Are you okay?”

“Mhm,” Lauren hums, “just- my brain isn’t working and I need it to. I didn’t know you were coming over.”

“I don’t care that you’re smoking if that’s what you’re thinking about,” Camila assures her. She doesn’t entirely _like_ it, but she’s not going to judge. “But you told me you only do it when you’re stressed, which means you’re stressed.”

“Just… this stupid essay,” Lauren sighs, taking another drag and looking out at the balcony’s view. “It’s like I can’t wrap my head around it.”

“Well…” Camila frowns as Lauren blows out smoke again, and she doesn’t want to admit it, but she finds it kind of attractive, “when is it due in?”

“Two and a half weeks,” Lauren murmurs, “but I like to get it all done in advance and then I can like, proof it and stuff.”

“Obviously you’re not going to do any more work on it tonight if you’re high,” Camila points out, and Lauren closes her eyes, taking another drag, “so… so you shouldn’t worry. Plus, you’ve got plenty of time, and if you take the rest of the night off, you can come back to it tomorrow with a fresher perspective, right?”

She _hopes_ she’s making sense, and Lauren meets her gaze, eyes so tired and sad. “I guess so.”

Camila sends her a comforting smile. “See, I’m smart. Once you’ve finished that, we can go inside and I’ll cheer you up. Or annoy you, whichever way you want to see it.”

“You could never annoy me.” Lauren sends her a small smile, and it comforts Camila a lot; the only times she’d ever seen Lauren high, it had never been good for her. “I love you.”

Camila smiles. “I love you too.”

She watches as Lauren silently smokes, letting her have her space, and admittedly, it _is_ kind of attractive to watch her. Not that she’d _admit_ that. When Lauren finishes her joint, she leaves the end in the ashtray on the little plastic table and rubs at her eyes with the back of her hands.

“Do you feel better?” Camila asks, reaching across the table and resting her hand on top of Lauren’s. “I hope you do.”

“Not really,” Lauren sighs, meeting her gaze. Her eyes are a little glassy, but they’re still just as green. “You’re right, though. I shouldn’t think about it for the rest of the night.”

Camila watches her in amusement as she grabs her lighter and starts playing with it, flicking it on and off. “Do you want me to go get you a snack or something? I don’t know if that’s like, a stereotype, but I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to get hungry, right?”

“Eh,” Lauren shrugs, blowing out the little flame on her lighter, “not really. And I’m sorry. I know you don’t like it-”

“You didn’t know that I was just going to show up, and honestly, I don’t mind. I know it’s not out of control like before,” Camila assures her, “I mean, you smoking a joint is like the equivalent of you drinking a glass of wine to lay off some steam, so I don’t care, honestly.”

Lauren meets her gaze, and smiles the cutest smile. “Okay. That makes me happy. That you get it. Can we cuddle?”

“Maybe after we’ve aired you out a bit, I still don’t like the smell,” Camila laughs, and Lauren nods, putting her feet up on her plastic chair and hugging her knees to her chest. “Talk to me. Tell me something funny.”

“I don’t know, I’m sleepy,” Lauren yawns as if to emphasise that, “don’t you think it’s interesting how like… so many things had to happen for us to meet? Like, _I_ had to be born, _you_ had to be born, that _boy_ had to be born so I could rescue you from him. But then… I don’t know, I like to think that I could meet you no matter what the circumstances. In every version of reality.”

“And there’s the stoner talk,” Camila chuckles lightly, “but I like what you’re saying. That we’d meet even if we went to different schools, if we’d never met in that same context.”

“Mhm. Hopefully they’re all meet-cutes. Clumsy ones, knowing you,” Lauren meets her gaze and smiles softly, her whole face lighting up. Somehow, she still looks a little sad because of her essay, but otherwise she’s okay. “Then again, maybe in the other universes, you’re _not_ clumsy. Maybe in the other universes, _I’m_ the YouTuber, not you.”

Camila shrugs; there’s probably a different version of the world out there, where the script is flipped. “Yeah. Maybe. Come on, I’m going to get you some deodorant and maybe some chewing gum and then we can snuggle.”

Lauren’s nose crinkles in annoyance. “Are you saying I smell?”

“Yep, like weed, so let’s get that smell _away_ ,” Camila pushes herself off the chair and grabs Lauren’s hand as she passes, pulling her in through the balcony doors. She finds both deodorant _and_ a pack of Tic Tacs on Lauren’s dresser, and grabs it, passing her a couple of mints and telling her to close her eyes as she sprays her over. “There, all better.”

Lauren smiles at the words. “You’ll cuddle me now?”

Camila looks her over in total adoration. “Yeah. I will.”

Lauren sends her one of those lopsided, adorably toothy grins of hers, and she grabs Camila by the shoulders and dives onto her bed, pulling the younger girl down with her. Her head falls onto one of Lauren’s pillows and her heart flutters when the tips of their noses brush.

Resting her hand on Lauren’s waist, she traces gentle patterns across her girlfriend’s skin under her shirt. Lauren watches her in total fascination, clearly fighting to keep her eyes open. “It’s okay, you can take a nap if you want.”

“Want to spend-” Lauren pauses, yawning, “want to spend time with you.”

“Yeah?” Camila smiles, pulling her in for a soft kiss and tasting the Tic Tacs on Lauren’s breath. “You’re cute. Tell me about… your day.”

“I just studied and worked,” Lauren lets out a lengthy sigh, and it turns into a loud fart noise halfway through. “Work was boring, but I listened to my music and stacked the books and I showed a nice boy where the section he wanted was. And then I came here and decided to work on my essay and after a while my head started to hurt and I was getting upset so I decided to smoke.”

“And then I showed up to annoy you,” Camila finishes for her, and before Lauren can say anything, she adds, “I know, I know, I don’t actually annoy you.”

“What did you do today?” Lauren asks her, sucking in a breath when Camila shifts and holds her close. She rests her head on her girlfriend’s chest, and listens to the sound of her heart, the thrum of her speech as she talks.

“I didn’t do much, honestly. Just relaxed, worked on some editing, talked about collaborating with a few people.” Camila shrugs. It’s always quite difficult to liaison when it comes to collabs, since everyone has busy schedules and a lot of her friends have been branching out into other platforms; even Camila herself is doing that. “Oh, I have a copy of a contract for you to look over. If it’s all good, I might be signing with Epic Records with a three album deal.”

“Gimme,” Lauren pushes herself up, and Camila finds it sweet how excited she is. “I can read it now!”

“Okay, but I want you to do it again when you’re sober,” Camila instructs her, grabbing her backpack and pulling the copy of the contract out. “I didn’t understand anything when I read it.”

“I’m not even that high.” Lauren practically snatches the contract from her hands, crossing over to her desk and pulling out her chair. She pushes some other papers away haphazardly and grabs a blue coloured highlighter, holding it at the ready. “Don’t interrupt me.”

“Okay, okay, I won’t,” Camila laughs, holding her hands up in defence. She watches as Lauren works her way through the contract, reading it slowly and highlighting specific passages, reacting to the words in a way that Camila can’t tell if it’s positive or negative. Honestly, if she didn’t have Lauren, she would’ve called her mom and read it to her, but it’s not like Sinu would get the legal jargon, so she’d be as clueless as Camila.

Lauren finishes reading the contract and stares at Camila blankly. Recklessly, she throws the contract onto the floor with disgust. “No. Don’t sign that.”

Camila frowns. “Why not?”

Lauren scowls at the contract like it just killed her whole family. “It’s basically a fucking slave contract. They will work you to the fucking bone and you won’t see _anything_ from it. You’re better off doing it on your own, you don’t need their support. You don’t need _any_ label’s support.”

Camila watches in amusement as Lauren takes the copy of the contract and flicks her lighter. “Maybe don’t burn your whole apartment building down? I won’t sign, okay?”

“Okay, but I still want to set this on fire. It’s fucking ridiculous that they’d offer you something like this,” Lauren scows at it, lighter at the ready. “Would you like to have a bonfire on the balcony?”

“Yes, oh my god,” Camila laughs, “but I’m totally not condoning this, I’m just watching as like, adult supervision to make sure you don’t set the place on fire.”

Lauren grabs the contract from the floor, pushing her curtains aside and opening the sliding door to her balcony. She holds the contract in the air like Simba in _The Lion King,_ and Camila watches from the door, eyebrow quirked up in amusement. “Die, demon contract!”

Camila watches as she lights it up, giggling at the satisfied expression on the older girl’s face as she drops it to the concrete floor of the balcony, watching it burn. “Should I be worried about you turning into a pyromaniac?”

“No, no,” Lauren stamps out the small fire easily, kicking the ashes through the little slit underneath the side of the balcony and out into the street. “Anyway. Now that I’ve done my duty of protecting you, I deserve something in return.”

“Oh?” Camila raises her eyebrows in surprise. “Like what?”

“Like _snuggles_ ,” Lauren announces, practically launching herself at Camila, throwing her arms around her and nuzzling her face into Camila’s neck, pressing kisses to the sensitive skin. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Camila murmurs, kissing the top of her head, “Thanks for being the prettiest lawyer ever.”

“ _Your_ lawyer,” Lauren mumbles, “even though I’m not qualified yet. But I will be in a year and a half.”

When Lauren pulls away, Camila sends her a small smile. “I’m proud of you. Even though you haven’t graduated yet, you do so well in school. So don’t worry about some essay that isn’t even due for two weeks. If we _were_ in that alternate universe where I’m the student and you’re the YouTuber, you do realise I wouldn’t do that shit until the day before, right?”

Lauren chuckles in agreement. “Okay, yeah, that’s true.”

Camila smiles. “Exactly, so don’t worry your pretty little head about it and let me take care of you.”

“Okay.” Lauren agrees, taking her hand and pulling her back over to the bed. “Will you stay with me tonight?”

Camila sighs in content when she feels Lauren snuggle up against her. “I’ll stay with you forever.”

-

Lauren isn’t having the best week. She realised that last night, when she figured she’d smoke one of the three joints she has; they’ve been in her hiding place for _months_ , and not two weeks ago, she almost considered giving them to Lucy, figuring that if she was stressed, she could just call Camila.

But last night, it had been a Thursday. Camila had been editing her video for Friday, and Lauren didn’t want to distract her from her _job_. So, she figured she’d smoke a joint and relax for the night, and _naturally_ , Camila had shown up. She’s still a little ashamed about it, and apologised when they’d woken up this morning, and Camila had assured her that it was okay about a million times until she went home to let Lauren work on her essay.

The essay is still pretty hellish, but looking at it when she’s not ridiculously stressed and on the brink of tears makes it a little easier. She’s actually getting a decent way through it, and has just finished a paragraph when her phone pings, and realising the time, she knows it’s Camila’s new video. She opens it, figuring that she might as well take a break, and support her girlfriend at the same time.

Her face sinks into a frown at the title, but she tries to ignore it, knowing that Camila _has_ to write clickbait titles; it’s part of how YouTube works.

 **TOUCH MY BODY CHALLENGE FT ARIANA GRANDE???**  
_2,058,586 views_  
Camila Cabello ------- SUBSCRIBE: 4.5M  
Published on Apr 7, 2017

“And _cabelloxstar_ asks,” Camila glances back at the tweet on her phone, “would you ever do the touch my body challenge? Well, how about I do it _right now_? I have a guest over who can help me out.”

There’s a jumpcut, and suddenly, Ariana is next to her, hand on Camila’s thigh and blindfolded. “I don’t know, your arm?”

Camila turns to the camera with a grin. “Subscribe for the full video.”

_[Write a comment…]_

**camila jauregui** um???? did you at least get lauren’s permission before doing this???  
   **Camriana Updates** She doesn’t need to if she’s dumped the druggie and come back to Ariana does she???

 **Camriana Is Real** hah camren is dead don’t act like we didn’t tell you it would happen!! Like camila would stay with some broke ass heroin addict

It’s like Lauren’s entire body just _stops_ working. First at the actual _content_ of the video, because she can’t believe Camila wouldn’t _ask_ her if she was okay with it, or at least give her some kind of _warning_ instead of posting something like that, completely blindsighting her.

She doesn’t care so much about the content when she sees those comments. _Druggie. Broke ass heroin addict._ She couldn’t care _less_ when they insult her appearance, or when they say she doesn’t deserve Camila, because Lauren knows that’s stupid too, but _this_? This is too much. She doesn’t even realise she’s crying until the ink on her notes starts to bleed from the tears, and she bursts into the lounge immediately spotting Lucy on the couch, and launching herself into her friend’s arms.

Lucy blinks in shock, but as soon as she notices the heavy sobs, she wraps her arms around Lauren. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

Lauren just cries into her friend’s shoulder, holding her phone out with shaky hands. Lucy reads the words on the screen and holds her tighter. “I- _how_ …?” is all Lauren manages to get out before Lucy shushes her, rubbing comforting circles into her back.

“It’s okay.” Lucy tries to insist. “They don’t know anything, okay? They _can’t_.”

Lauren chokes. “But- my _scar_ , and I know- I know that they would rather Camila was with her ex-”

“But she’s not, she’s with you, and she loves you. She’s the only one who gets to decide who she loves,” Lucy reminds her, and deep down, Lauren _knows_ that, but with the video and the comments on it, it’s pushed her over the edge completely. “Fuck what some idiots on the internet say. I’m blocking them.”

“It’s not just that, it’s the video itself,” Lauren cries, “she- she didn’t even _talk_ to me about it.”

Lucy sighs, holding her close. “Maybe she didn’t realise it’d upset you? That’s something you need to talk about with her.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right,” Lauren mumbles, taking her phone back from Lucy, already switching to her contacts. “I’m going to call her, I’ll-”

Lucy tries to stop her. “Lo, I think you should wait until you calm down.”

Lauren ignores her, disappearing into her room and locking the door behind her. She presses _call_ on Camila’s contact, seething in rage, but also completely destroyed. She doesn’t really know how that works, but the anger is finding its way in, seeping through her every cell as she waits for Camila to pick up.

“ _Hey, baby,”_ Camila answers the phone like there’s absolutely nothing wrong, like she _hadn’t_ completely crossed a line with that video. Somewhere inside, Lauren knows her anger is at the _comments_ , not at Camila herself, because rationally she shouldn’t care, but it’s like every emotion she’s kept bottled up is finally bubbling to the surface. _“Did you need me? I’m totally free, I’ll come over and hang out-”_

“Why the _fuck_ would I want you to come over after that video you posted?” Lauren practically growls, and it’s easier this way, not to look her in the eye when she says this. “First of all, it’s totally fucking _over the line_ that you didn’t even _warn_ me that you’d do something like that. I couldn’t care _less_ that you’re filming with your ex, you don’t need to ask _permission_ , but a little fucking _heads up_ would be nice, and second, how are you just _okay_ with the- the _bullshit_ that people are commenting about me? Do you not realise how that makes me feel-”

“ _Okay, whoa, it’s alright! It’s_ clickbait _, you know that, just a joke, stop freaking out,”_ Camila interrupts her, and if anything, it makes her angrier, the way Camila is making out like she’s overreacting. “ _And I don’t know what comments you’re talking about, I didn’t write them! Tell me who did and I’ll delete them, but I’m not apologising for the video.”_

“Why the fuck _not_?” Lauren snaps, but before Camila can answer, she adds, “And I never said the comments were your fault but _somehow_ they _know_ and- and that had to have happened somehow! And it’s like- you don’t even _tell_ the stupid fucking fans to _back off_ , you just _let_ them post this shit about me and I’m _over_ it. It’s gone too far and you can’t just expect me to sit here and be _okay_ with them calling me a fucking _drug addict_ and just _making fun_ of something like that!”

“ _Don’t insult my fans, ninety-nine percent of them adore you just as much as they adore me and I’m not just going to yell at all of them for the actions of a small group.”_ Camila argues. _“I have_ privately _reached out to people I’ve seen saying things before, and I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think you’d want to hear about some random person on the internet pointing things out about you and making assumptions. I’ve blocked people who have supported me since the beginning just so you don’t have to see that kind of thing, so don’t act like I wouldn’t do_ anything _to defend you, because you know for a fact I would.”_

“I- well- I,” Lauren stammers, speechless, but she thinks of the comments and anger burns in the pit of her stomach, “well clearly you haven’t done enough, and I’m not a fucking mind reader, how am I supposed to know if you don’t _tell_ me?”

Camila lets out a defeated sigh through the phone _. “I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do. I get that you’re upset, but it’s not my fault.”_

Lauren rolls her eyes, even though she knows Camila can’t see her. “Would people _leave_ comments like that if you hadn’t clickbaited with your _ex_? You _know_ that group are the ones that constantly say shit about me, and I try not to care but I’m fucking _sick_ of it.”

 _“Look, I get that you’re upset, I’m not trying to discredit that, but it’s_ not _my fault, so if you’re just going to yell at me then I’m hanging up.”_ Camila replies. _“If you want me to apologise for just messing around in a video, I’m not going to.”_

Lauren scoffs. “I’m not even mad about that, I’m mad that you didn’t _tell_ me.”

“I didn’t think I had to! You’re supposed to _know_ that you’re the one I want to be with, and if you still can’t believe that then I don’t know….” Camila trails off, sighing. “I’m sorry some comments upset you, I’ll delete them, but I don’t- I need some space, okay?”

“What? But-” Lauren is amazed at the words; _Camila_ needs space? She’s not the one getting constant hate in the comments of her videos, she’s not the one whose girlfriend completely blindsighted her by making a clickbait video with her ex, _knowing_ that the people who hate on her would comment about it.

She throws her phone down angrily, realising that Camila has hung up, and stomps out of her room, almost walking into Keana. She’s dressed up, and Lauren pauses in her tracks. “Are you going to a party?”

“Mhm,” Keana answers, but realises how upset she is and her face sinks into a frown. “Wait, Lo, are you alright?”

Lauren ignores the question. “Can I come with you?”

“Oh, uh…” Keana seems more than a little surprised by the question, “sure, but I’m going in ten minutes…”

“I’ll be ready,” Lauren wipes the tears threatening to fall out of her eyes, turning on her heel and walking back into her bedroom, grabbing the first dress she sees from her closet. _Fuck Camila_ , she thinks, _I’m going to go out, get wasted, and not think about this_.

She pulls the dress on and dries her eyes again, putting on some eyeliner and mascara, meeting Keana in the entryway of the apartment, fake ID and some cash stuffed in her bra. “Okay, let’s go.”

When Lucy walks out of her bedroom, she freezes at the sight of her. “You’re… going out? I thought you were going to talk to Camila.”

“Fuck her, and her fucking _fans_ ,” Lauren snaps, ignoring the way tears sting threateningly at her eyes. “I’m going out, and you’re not going to stop me, before you try.”

“It’s okay,” Keana stops Lucy before she protests, “I’ll look after her.”

Lucy still looks unsure, but she pulls Lauren in for a hug, and it’s like she’s thrown back to that fateful day they’d met, when Lucy had comforted her after her fight with Camila, and just how horrible she’d felt. “Call me if you need me, okay?”

Lauren nods into Lucy’s shoulder. “I will.”

She makes sure to take her phone with her, even though she doesn’t want to, and follows Keana out of the apartment building and into a taxi. Her friend occupies her, talking about this guy she’s seeing, and Lauren knows she’s trying to distract her, but her mind keeps drifting back to Camila. She feels guilty about the way she’d reacted, but she had a right to be upset, didn’t she?

If she’s being honest, those comments had really bothered her. She’s been clean for almost _five years_ , and everything had been behind her until she reconnected with Camila. She’d gone _three years_ without having to talk about it, the last people she actually _told_ being Alexa and Keana, when she was drunk and crying one night in her freshman year. It’s not something she wants to think about, but now it’s like she _has_ to, when Camila’s fans are calling her a drug addict, acting like she’s bad for Camila, because it makes her feel like she _is_.

She fucking hates them, and boiling with rage, without _thinking_ , she goes back to the video and looks at the comments again, ready to write an angry response.

 **Camriana Is Real** hah camren is dead don’t act like we didn’t tell you it would happen!! Like camila would stay with some broke ass heroin addict  
   **Camila Cabello** _+Camriana Is Real_ actually ‘camren’ isn’t ‘dead’. lauren is the love of my life, and just because ari and i are still friends, it doesn’t mean that lauren and i have broken up. she’s the best thing that has ever happened to me, i’m happier than i’ve ever been, and if you can’t see and support something that makes me happy, you clearly aren’t a fan of mine. not to mention, calling someone i love a ‘broke ass heroin addict’ not only makes YOU look like a horrible person, but it makes light of something as serious as addiction and that’s not fucking funny.

As Lauren reads the words on the screen, her stomach drops, and she almost feels _guilty_ that she’d gotten upset on the phone. But then, she sees the time stamp. Camila’s comment had been posted one minute ago, which means she’d probably only done it because Lauren had called her out on _not_ doing anything directly.

She locks her phone, and squeezes her eyes shut. _Forget her_. _Get drunk, have some fun, and don’t think about it until tomorrow._

That’s exactly what she does. The moment she gets to the party, she takes four shots, one after the other, and when they don’t immediately set in, she takes three more. They all seem to hit at once, and Lauren can’t remember how long it’s been, most of the party blurring together. She doesn’t remember leaving the kitchen of the house to dance with Keana in the lounge, but she’s wondering why she never comes to house parties when they’re this _fun_.

The name _Camila_ crosses her mind only once, when a Taylor Swift song plays, and Lauren blurts out to Keana, “Camila loves this song!”

Then, she sadness hits, when she remembers their fight, remembers the video, remembers the comments, and she feels like crying. “Can you get me another drink?”

Keana nods, and Lauren awkwardly dances by herself for a few moments, the room spinning and the music weirdly faded in her brain. She spots a few people who she thinks she recognises from college, and is on her way over to say hi when she stops in her tracks. That’s when she sees the obvious dealer, the one girl taking a pill, the other snorting the white powder on the table with a ten dollar bill.

Almost as if he senses her gaze, the guy looks up from the couch and beckons her over, sending her a friendly smile. “Hey there. Want to have some real fun?”

Stupidly, Lauren stumbles over to him, almost falling on the couch, but she manages to steady herself, staying on her feet. “What is that?”

“Depends on who’s asking,” the guy winks at her, “you tried before?”

Her gaze hones in on the needles on the table, some already used, others looking untouched. She stares at them, her stomach turning, the rational, non-drunk part of her brain telling her to _leave_ , leave _now_. But the part that’s drowned in the vodka shots she’d taken nods in response to his question.

“Want some? For a pretty girl like you, I’ll let you take it free of charge. Just remember me if you want more and that’s when I’ll give you a price.”

Lauren stares back at the guy, her brain running a million miles an hour as she looks at the needle he’s holding out to her. The only rational thought running through her brain is _no, you shouldn’t have come here_ , and she _avoids_ house parties for exactly this reason, but she’s already so drunk and the temptation is so strong when she realises how upset she’s been, because of school and Camila going behind her back, and she _wants_ it. It’s like her body hungers for it, reminding her how _good_ it could make her feel, how it would just help her relax.

She takes the needle in her hands, turning it over, looking at the substance inside with a sick fascination. _Do it_ , the devil on her shoulder urges, _you feel bad, and this will help more than smoking a joint. This will help more than drinking. You don’t have to do it more than once. Just this one time, it’ll be fine._

Rolling her sleeve up, she looks at the needle mark that never quite faded, and that’s when the sense seems to hit her. The needle falls from her fingers, clattering to the floor, and she turns tail and _runs_. She hates herself for what she’d almost done, and her mind is reeling as she bolts out of the door. She’s drunk, she’s so, _so_ drunk, and she knows it’s not safe to be wandering the streets alone, but there’s only one person who could possibly make her feel better.

It’s the distress that carries her all the way to Camila’s house, and she hammers on the door, not caring how late it is, not caring if the neighbours complain, she just _needs_ her desperately.

She doesn’t expect the door to open, but it does, and she falls into Camila’s arms, sobbing her heart out. For a moment, she wonders if Camila will push her away, tell her to get out, that she’s done, but she just holds her close, wrapping one arm around Lauren’s waist and tangling the other in her hair, running her fingers through comfortingly.

“It’s okay,” Camila murmurs, but Lauren knows it’s _not_ , because when Camila knows what she’d almost _done_ , she’ll hate her. “Come on, _princesa_. Let’s go up to my room and we can talk.”

Lauren doesn’t have any fight in her; she lets Camila guide her up the stairs, murmuring soft reassurances to her until they’re safe in her bedroom. Gently, she pulls Lauren down to the bed, cuddling her, holding her, making her feel at home.

Lauren cries into Camila’s shoulder as her girlfriend rubs comforting circles into her back. “I’m so- so _sorry_.”

“What’s wrong, baby?” Camila asks, but before Lauren can _tell_ her, she speaks. “If it’s because of our disagreement, I thought about it and you were right. I should’ve told you about it first, and I’m sorry I didn’t.”

“No, no, not- not that,” Lauren shakes her head, pulling away from Camila’s hold because she doesn’t want to feel the sensation of being _pushed_ away after she tells her this. “I- I was at a party and- I wanted to- I’m so _sorry!”_

“Okay, well, I didn’t understand any of that.” Camila sends her a soft smile, wiping the tears from Lauren’s cheek with her thumb. “Whatever it is, though, it’s okay.”

Lauren just sobs, shaking her head. “It’s not, it’s not, and you’ll leave me for it.”

Camila’s body turns slightly rigid against her, and Lauren starts to panic. “I hope you’re not saying what I think you’re saying.”

“I am, I _am_ , and I’m so sorry, I’m such an idiot and _believe_ me, I hate myself for it,” Lauren cries, “I never should’ve gone to that fucking party, I-”

“I just- I don’t really know what to do here,” Camila murmurs, and she keeps Lauren at arm’s length when she tries to collapse against her to cry, to be held, to feel _better_ , and if anything, that makes it worse. “I- I want to make you feel better and comfort you, but- but if you _cheated_ on me then-”

“Wait, what?” Lauren looks up at her with teary eyes, her shame forgotten in a moment of confusion. “ _That’s_ what you think I’m saying?”

“That’s _not_ what you’re talking about?” Camila looks at her, equally as surprised as Lauren feels. “Oh. Then what’s wrong?”

“I- I went to a party, and I _shouldn’t_ have, because- because some guy offered me heroin and I wanted to take it.” Lauren gets it all out in one breath, shame washing over her completely. “I _really_ wanted to.”

“Wanted to?” Camila raises her eyebrows. “As in you _didn’t_?”

Lauren buries her face into Camila’s neck and tries to keep her tears at bay. “Well, yeah, but I still-”

“But nothing,” Camila cuts her off, “I am _so_ proud of you, baby. You wanted to take it and you said no. Have you ever been in that situation before? Where you were confronted by that?”

Lauren frowns, not understanding why she’s asking. “No? I don’t- I don’t go to house parties for that reason. Because I could be… put in that situation. But I was so sad, and- and I’m honestly really drunk- and I almost took it.”

“I’m so proud of you, for having the strength to say no. You’ve never been confronted with it, not since you quit completely, _and_ you were drunk and emotional, which impairs everyone’s judgement.” Camila explains, and Lauren finds herself catching on. She’s not crying anymore, at least. “If you don’t mind me asking, what changed your mind? You said you almost took it, something must’ve happened to make you stop.”

“You happened,” Lauren mumbles, “I knew that if I… if something happened and I started, I know I wouldn’t be able to stop and then I’d lose you and I _can’t_ -”

“You won’t _ever_ lose me, you understand?” Camila easily cuts her off. “Even if something happened, if you fell back into all of that again, I wouldn’t just cut you out. I’d do whatever I could to help you, and I’m sorry I never pushed enough before. I should’ve been there for you-”

“You couldn’t be,” Lauren shakes her head, wiping away the last few tears stinging at her eyes at Camila’s words, “I was tearing you apart, and I can’t- I couldn’t put you through that again and that’s why I didn’t… you’re why I didn’t do it.”

“But I’m not,” Camila smiles softly. “I might’ve been some kind of factor or motivation, but at the end of the day, it was you and your own personal strength. It was your fight, and you won it.”

“So you’re not…” Lauren trails off, “you’re not mad? That I wanted to?”

“The fact that you _wanted_ to, that you had that temptation to do it, that just makes it all the more impressive that you had the strength to say no.” Camila pulls her in for a kiss. “So, _no_ , princesa. I’m not mad. I’m ridiculously proud of you, and I think we should celebrate with a _Camwich_.”

Lauren blinks, because even in her drunken state, she knows that’s not a word. “A Camwich?”

“Wow, fake fan much?” Camila teases her. “I thought you’d seen all of my videos? Although; no, never mind, you’re not fake, it was a video Normani and I posted on Ally’s channel when we figured out her password. She kept it up because it was funny.”

“Okay, we can- we can make a _Camwich_ , but I’m kind of drunk,” Lauren warns her, not so much in the giggly way. No, it’s safe to say that after the week she’s had, she’s an emotional drunk. “Help me up?”

Camila smiles and guides her by the waist, and Lauren hadn’t realised how dizzy and fuzzy everything is until she’s stood upright. “Wait, let me get you out of that dress. It can’t be comfortable.”

Lauren tilts her head to the side in confusion. “But I don’t have any other clothes here.”

“Well, usually when you’re in for the night, you’d get in your pyjamas, so you can easily borrow some of mine.” Camila teases her, but her expression turns serious and she asks. “You _are_ staying, right? Because I don’t want you going home by yourself at this time.”

Lauren perks up at the question, the only thought running through her brain being _she really isn’t mad oh my god_ , and she nods rather aggressively as a yes. “Yes, I’m staying.”

Camila smiles, and she steps around Lauren, unzipping her dress from the back. Lauren shivers at her touch, and as her dress drops to the floor, she feels incredibly vulnerable. Camila presses a soft kiss to Lauren’s shoulder and she whimpers at the feel of it, turning around to fall into a hug, nuzzling her face into Camila’s neck.

Camila’s hands weave through her hair, and Lauren sighs contentedly. This is all she needs. Just this, right here. She wishes she could capture the feeling of security she gets from being in Camila’s arms, bottle it up and save it for when she needs it but can’t experience it firsthand, like earlier at the party.

“I love you so much,” She murmurs into Camila, clinging onto her tightly as Camila undoes the clasp on her bra. “Thank you for loving me.”

“Thank _you_ for loving _me_ , princesa,” Camila murmurs, kissing the top of Lauren’s head. “Now, take your pick of any t-shirt from my closet. In fact, there’s a few of yours in there.”

“You can keep them.” Lauren tells her, even if she’d already said that in the past. “I like it when I see you in my clothes, like- wait, are you in my old softball jersey?”

Camila laughs, smoothing out the _Carrolton Softball_ jersey she’s wearing. “I was wondering how long you’d take to notice.”

Lauren flops back down on the bed, completely shirtless, as Camila grabs a t-shirt from her closet and passes it to her. Lauren vaguely recognises it as her own _The 1975_ shirt, the one Camila had stolen from her on Halloween. She pulls it on, yawning, and she’s hit in the face with a pair of Spongebob pyjama pants.

“You were supposed to catch them, idiot,” Camila snorts at the confused expression on Lauren’s face. “You _are_ pretty drunk, huh?”

“I was sad,” Lauren pouts, pulling on the pyjama pants. “Leave me alone.”

Camila grabs her hand and pulls her up off the bed, “Come on. Camwich time.”

“ _Cam_ wich. Are you gonna sit on a slice of bread and put another one on your head?” Lauren questions, genuinely curious. “Are _you_ the Camwich?”

Camila snorts with laughter, pulling a drunk and confused but _actually_ kind of cheered up Lauren towards the staircase. “No, no, that’s funny though. It’s not _really_ a sandwich, more of a cracker based item. I invented it because we didn’t _have_ any bread but spoilers – I wanted a turkey sandwich. So I made do with what I had.”

“Oh,” Lauren accepts this answer as Camila pulls her into the kitchen. “I thought you were banned from the kitchen?”

“I’m banned from the kitchen _appliances_ – minus the toaster -  but not the kitchen itself,” Camila clarifies easily, digging around the cupboard for supplies, “but trust me, this will totally cheer you up.”

Lauren leans back against the counter; after all of the alcohol she’d had, her buzz is wearing off and now she’s just _tired_. “I’m already cheered up.”

Camila smiles, wrapping her arms around Lauren’s waist and guiding her over to the couch. “Okay, you stay here while I work my magic. Be right back, baby.”

Lauren sits up as Camila lets her go. “Right back?”

“Yeah, right back, you _clinger_ ,” Camila says, and Lauren knows she’s joking, but she just _really_ wants to stay in Camila’s arms. “Promise. Five minutes.”

Lauren nods, and sits back on the couch, watching as Camila busies herself in the kitchen. She sighs, admiring the younger girl, knowing that she’s never loved anyone this much, and sometimes she finds it hard to believe that someone as extraordinary as Camila feels the same about _her_. She figures that’s why the comments had gotten to her so much, but then she remembers that Camila had _defended her_.

“Thank you for defending me to- to that Camriana person,” Lauren cuddles a pillow to her chest, “I saw what you wrote but- but I didn’t call because I’m stubborn.”

“Don’t thank me.” Camila laughs, and Lauren watches as her blurry image gets a plate out of a cupboard. “I’m planning on saying something in my next video, _and_ you’re coming along to my photoshoot next week and we’re taking some pictures together. You were right, it’s totally uncalled for and I just need to make it clear to everyone that I’m not okay with it. And I’m sorry I didn’t check with you before I filmed that with Ariana. I should’ve made sure you were comfortable.”

“It’s not that, it’s-” Lauren cuts herself off with a yawn, “it’s that you didn’t say anything to me before you posted, not like- _permission_ asking, I’m not Sinu, you can film what you want, I just wish you’d told me so I wasn’t completely like… what’s the word? Surprised! Surprised. But I’m sorry for getting mad at you. I love you.”

“I love you too, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I promise I’ll let you know in the future, okay?” Camila assures her as she walks over with a plate, with four weird little cracker sandwiches on it. Lauren looks at them apprehensively as Camila takes one, biting into it, and looking at Lauren in anticipation. “Go on, try it, it’s good.”

Lauren takes a _Camwich_ off the plate, examining it warily. She knows what Camila’s cooking is like, and while this isn’t exactly cooking, it doesn’t look like the most appealing thing, even with her mind clouded by alcohol. “What’s in it?”

“Well, obviously Ritz crackers, mayo, and turkey.” Camila says, urging Lauren on. “Go on, just try it. I promise it’s good.”

Lauren takes the plunge, eating the whole thing in one go, and it _is_ pretty good. Mumbling through her bite, she announces, “Okay, it’s good.”

“Told you. I’m practically a _genius_ , right?” Camila flips her hair, grabbing another one from the plate as Lauren swipes the third one, munching on it happily. “Like I said, they’re Gordon Ramsay approved. Well, _actually_ , they’re Gordon Ramsay _dragged_. I sent a picture to him on Twitter and he quoted it with _idiot sandwich_ , which means I’ve basically made it.”

“It’s the _taste_ that matters!” Lauren folds her arms across her chest, scowling. “Nobody insults my girl and gets away with it.”

“Whoa, easy, babe,” Camila laughs, putting the plate down on the coffee table. “Ceasefire on the defence, please don’t send an angry tweet to Gordon Ramsay, he’d definitely win in a roast battle. Heh, get it, roast? Because he’s a _chef_?”

Lauren hums at the joke, and she lets out her obligatory laugh before pulling Camila in for a kiss. “I love you. Can we elope?”

“Sure. I heard there’s a Taco Bell in Vegas that has a chapel, sounds fucking romantic,” Camila teases her. “If you still want to go in the morning, I’m down.”

Lauren snorts. “You don’t want to marry me, you just want to eat a crunchwrap in a chapel.”

“That’s true too,” Camila chuckles, standing up and grabbing Lauren’s hand. They pass through the kitchen, and she drops the plate in the sink, guiding Lauren back upstairs. She glances over at her laptop, which is open on her desk. “I still have a little editing work to do for my vlog for Monday, so I can’t go to bed right away.”

Lauren pouts, but nods. “Okay. Will you tuck me in- _wait! I don’t have Nala!”_

She knows it’s stupid, she knows she’s almost _twenty-one years old_ , but she’s _never_ spent a single night without Nala before, not since Camila had given her the stuffed lion, and with the way she’s been feeling, she doesn’t _want_ to try. Her eyes start to well with tears, and she feels like an idiot as it is, but now that she’s crying over a _stuffed animal_ of all things, it makes her feel even more pathetic.

“Hey, hey, don’t cry,” Camila pulls her close, and Lauren buries her face into Camila’s neck, “It’s okay! You’re okay. You’ll have me to cuddle! I know I’m probably not as good of a cuddle buddy as Nala is, but I’d still rate myself pretty high.”

Lauren keeps a tight grip on Camila, shaking her head. “I’m so stupid, I should be able to fucking- handle _one_ night but I’m just not- not in a good mood tonight and when I’m-”

“Well,” Camila kisses the top of her head, guiding her over to the bed and sitting them both down, “you need rest, obviously. You’re having a bad night, let me get you comfortable, okay?”

Lauren nods pathetically as Camila tucks her into bed, frowning as the younger girl walks to the window. She pulls Stitch off the windowsill and immediately passes him to Lauren. “There. You can cuddle Stitch for the night. I know it’s not going to be the same, but…”

“Thank you,” Lauren murmurs, and even though it’s _not_ the same, it still means something. “Can I watch you work?”

Camila smiles. “If that’s what you want to do, baby. I was going to cuddle you for a bit, but…”

“No, no, cuddles,” Lauren easily decides, and Camila clambers into bed. Lauren immediately rolls over, resting her head on Camila’s shoulder and throwing an arm across her tummy protectively. “I love you. Thank you for taking care of me tonight.”

“That’s what we do, Lo,” Camila smiles. “We take care of each other. _Siempre._ ”

“ _Si_ ,” Lauren yawns, nuzzling against the love of her life, “ _siempre._ ”

 **PRETENDING TO BE A FAN ACCOUNT  
**_2,384,498 views_ ****  
Camila Cabello ---------- SUBSCRIBE: 4.6M  
Published Apr 14, 2017

“So, now that I’ve got some of you guys hook line and sinker, I’m going to see if I can fool any of my friends,” Camila grins, before an idea pops into her head and she announces, “Oh my god, I’m going to message Lauren, she has her DMs open to everyone and she’s not verified. I hope she’ll be nice to me.”

Camila opens up Lauren’s Twitter and goes into the DMs. “I’m trying to think of a creative message to open with. Like, I can’t just say hi, she’ll probably just ignore me.”

 **camilacaFELLo:** hi!!! i just wanna say i think you and camila are so so cute, will you please follow me back?

“Just casually complimenting my own relationship there,” Camila snorts, waiting for her girlfriend to message. She knows that Lauren turned off her notifications recently, so she doesn’t know how long it’ll be. “I’m just going to occupy myself by annoying some more of you guys.”

She’s messaging a couple of fans when she sees _Lauren Jauregui messaged you!_ at the bottom of the screen, and she’s quick to open up the message.

 **LaurenJauregui:** I honestly thought this was going to be hate, so thank you for being so sweet. Of course I’ll follow you back.

At the message, Camila’s heart crumbles, and she knows she’s not going to keep this in the video. She sighs, wishing that wasn’t the case, wishing that Lauren wouldn’t have to worry about a message from her fans being hate. Of course, there are the ones that openly ship them, and she finds that adorable, it’s just the group that constantly, _actively_ hate on her girlfriend. She wouldn’t mind it if they didn’t like the relationship, but kept it to themselves. It’s when they make comments about Lauren where she will _obviously_ see them that annoys Camila.

“You know what, no, I’m going to keep this in, as long as she says it’s okay,” Camila says to nobody in particular, because she _did_ say she was going to tell the fans that what they’re doing isn’t okay, before she looks up at the camera and announces, “if you send any hate to my beautiful girlfriend, I’ll block you on everything and report you. She has done nothing but love and support me in every single way, and she doesn’t deserve this treatment from you guys. I’d maybe understand if it were some creepy, predatory old man who was obviously like, using me or something, but Lauren has done nothing but be supportive of me and _nice_ to you and I need you to respect her and our relationship.”

After her rant, she messages Lauren back, still on the fan account, but as herself.

 **camilacaFELLo:** lauren it’s me camila im making a video where i pretend to be a fan account and i’ll text you if you don’t believe me but can i keep this in?? i have the perfect rant (in true lauren jauregui fashion) but i won’t keep it in if you’re not okay

 **LaurenJauregui:** Sure, if it’s really you.

When her phone buzzes, with a text and a screenshot of the conversation from Lauren’s point of view, Camila confirms it’s really her, and then tries to push away some of her anger at her fans. She plasters on her signature smile, and turns back to the camera. “Anyway, moving on…”

_[Write a comment…]_

**camriana grande** I don’t like that you’re turning your back on us for Lauren  
   **Camila Cabello** I’m not turning my back on you. I’m cutting out hate and toxicity towards my relationship and my life, and if you’re one of the ones who can’t handle that, then kindly unsubscribe.

  
_liked by_ **camila_cabello, cxmrencabello** _and_ **2,321 others**  
Camren Updates: I usually like to keep this account professional but LOOK AT THIS POWER COUPLE!!! Anyway… Lauren guested in a few pictures from Camila’s recent photoshoot.  
_4 hours ago_

 **camila_cabello:** wow **@laurenjauregui** i never realised how hot we are  
   **laurenjauregui: @camila_cabello** I mean I could pull up multiple posts where you called us both hot, but okay.

 **camrenjauregui:** ugh I love them so much I really want to meet them both  
   **camila_cabello: @camrenjauregui** i could dm u lauren’s class schedule then u can join me in stalking her (sometimes i like to show up outside her class just to add a little excitement to her life)  
    **laurenjauregui:** CAMZ NO


	23. 22

**INSIDE OUT – CAMILA CABELLO (BUT THIS TIME I’M NOT 14)**  
_4,395,588 views_  
Camila Cabello ------- SUBSCRIBE: 4.7M  
Published May 5, 2017

“Fun fact about this song,” Camila announces, still lounging on her bed, “aside from the fact that all of you constantly ask me to redo it, it’s actually about the love of my life.”

She grabs Lauren, who is sat on the floor dong some studying for her last couple of finals, and drags her into frame. “Lauren Jauregui, to be exact. I wrote this song about her when I was pining over her as a tiny little fourteen year old.”

Lauren smiles, kissing her cheek. “I commented on the original video, actually. Like, a lot of your first videos, before I moved away for school. I used my middle name so you wouldn’t know it was me.”

“Wait,” Camila blinks in realisation, “ _Michelle_ was you? Oh my god, I was wondering why she disappeared. You were like my favourite commenter.”

“She disappeared because I was busy at Hogwarts,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “duh.”

Camila pulls her in for a real kiss. “You are the actual cutest human on the planet.” She pulls away and glances at the camera. “Like, no wonder I wrote this song about her, am I right?”

_[Write a comment…]_

**Camila Cabello** wow camren are such a cute couple wtf I ship!!!  
   **Lauren Jauregui** You’re so weird I love you

Lauren finds herself thinking about Camila on the way out of the exam room. Camila is the best thing for her to think about; what she _doesn’t_ want to dwell on are the specific scores she needs to get to maintain her GPA, the couple of questions she worries she’s misinterpreted, the answers she’s second-guessing. No, she pushes that from her mind, and thinks about texting Camila. Since this is her last exam, Camila knows the protocol by now; _don’t_ , under _any_ circumstances, ask how the exam went, because that always sets off a massive rant about how she thinks she missed _this_ question and what if she only got _this_ percent right and on and on and on until Camila finally shut her up with a kiss.

She sits down on a nearby bench, digging through the front pocket in her backpack for her phone; she’d had to switch it off and put it in there before going into the exam room, but she hadn’t really looked at it yet today, more concerned with getting in some extra studying in before her exam.

But now, it’s all over. She’s finished with college for the year, and has her flight booked back to Miami next week; she needs the week to clear her heavier stuff into the storage hold she’s sharing with Lucy, and she has plans to return two weeks before term starts to move into their new place, which they’ve already sorted out, but the contract doesn’t start until August. Plus, she wants to have a little end-of-year celebration with her friends, even if Keana is still a little mad at her for disappearing at the party a couple weeks back.

She’s waiting for her phone to turn on when she hears a voice. “Hey!

Her gaze snaps up to meet Camila’s, and she grins, her worries over her exams already forgotten as she jumps into her girlfriend’s arms. “Hi! What’re you doing up so early?”

Her exam had started at nine, and she got out earlier than expected, 10:45. Camila usually doesn’t rise until at least twelve.

“I figured I’d pick you up and we could go back to my place and make breakfast together,” Camila shrugs, smiling bashfully. “And by make breakfast together, I mean _you_ make breakfast and I sit back and watch.”

Lauren laughs. “Wow, putting me through more work straight after I get out of an exam.”

Camila sticks her tongue out at her. “Shut up, you’re finished with college for summer, you can handle making your amazing girlfriend some breakfast. I’ll take bacon, scrambled egg, maybe some hash browns-”

“Okay, okay, fine,” Lauren rolls her eyes, shouldering her backpack and following Camila in the general direction of her house, “I’ll make breakfast, but you have to help out!”

“Always,” Camila flashes her a smile, kissing her cheek before taking her hand as they walk. “Are you feeling better now that your exams are over?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I’m like a mixture of stressed and relieved. I’m relieved that they’re _over_ , but I’m stressed because _what if I haven’t done enough_ , and _how long will it take for my results?_ And _what will I do if I fail?”_

“You won’t fail, you’re so smart, and when have you ever actually failed an exam before?” Camila says, and while Lauren knows it’s a rhetorical question, she has to admit that she _hasn’t_ ever actually failed an exam, not except her sophomore year, but she wasn’t exactly herself at the time. “You’ll get your results back and you’ll have _killed_ it. And we’re going to have an iconic Friday night sleepover to celebrate.”

Lauren loves the thought of that; celebrating her exam results with Camila. Usually, she and Lucy have a sort of celebration, but it’s more like they drink a bottle of wine each and dance around like a couple of idiots. “Well, maybe we can invite Lucy and Vero, and it can be a double date slash exam celebration kind of thing.”

“I’m totally down for that. I like Lucy,” Camila comments but laughs to herself, “you know, I was actually pretty jealous of her when I was desperately pining over you.”

Lauren snorts. “Wait, really? Why?”

“Because I thought you were together at first, and then you told me you’d _slept_ with her and I was worried you had a thing for her. And I had a thing for _you_.” Camila laughs. “That’s why I awkwardly asked if you were together, but I still wasn’t clear on how you felt.”

“Camz, I kept shamelessly flirting with you. But I think it’s kind of hot that you were jealous.” Lauren winks at her, turning the corner for Camila’s street. “If I’m being honest, you’re the only person I’ve ever been in love with. I _liked_ Luis and Lucy, and even Brad at one point, nothing I’ve ever felt for anyone else has ever compared to how I feel about you. I’m pretty sure those feelings never went away.”

They definitely didn’t; Lauren had realised that the day she saw Camila in the grocery store.

 _She glances at the doors to the store, knowing that she’s got class soon. She wants to keep walking, just to make sure she gets there on time, but her stomach growls in protest. She almost rolls her eyes at herself, and thinks_ fine _, crossing the street to go into the store._

_She thinks she’ll get a bottle of water, because she realises she’s forgotten her refillable bottle that she usually brings. She grabs one from the refrigerator, and makes her way over to the sandwich aisle, already debating which sandwich to buy._

_She’s settled on a turkey sandwich in her head when she sees the girl looking at bananas. Automatically, Camila’s image pops into her head; that happens sometimes, when she sees things that remind her of her childhood friend, but that’s when what she’s really_ seeing _hits her. It_ is _Camila._

_For a moment, she debates it in her head. Should she talk to her? Camila had made it very clear that she never wanted to see her again, and the thought still stings. She doesn’t think she could handle it if Camila yelled at her, told her to fuck off, so she turns away, telling herself that it’s not worth it._

_But Lauren is nothing if not impulsive, and she blurts out, “Camila?” without thinking, her heart dropping in her chest when she sees how the younger girl tenses up._

Well, you’ve made your bed, go sleep in it, _Lauren tells herself, as Camila turns and meets her gaze. When she looks into those soft chocolate brown eyes, she almost melts, but she sees how guarded Camila is._

_“Hi,” Lauren awkwardly plays with the water bottle in her hands, “it’s – um, I didn’t know you lived here.”_

_“I’ve been here for a year…” Camila stammers out, looking like she’s just seen a ghost; she probably feels that way, too. “I didn’t know that_ you _did…”_

_Lauren knows it’s probably surprising for her, but she glosses over the fact that if it wasn’t for her parents, she’d probably be dead in a ditch somewhere by now. “Yeah, I’m here for college actually. I go to UCLA. I’m a junior.”_

_Camila makes an awkward kind of squeak, and at her own mention of college, Lauren remembers that she’s on a time limit and has to get to class. There’s a part of her that really doesn’t want to leave, and thinks_ fuck college, ask her to hang out right now, _but she ignores that and blurts out, “I have to go, I just stopped in here to grab a bottle of water and something to eat before class, but… yeah. It was nice to see you, you look really good. If you want to hang out sometime, I still have the same number.”_

 _Lauren smiles politely, leaning around Camila to grab the first turkey sandwich she sees, and heads over to the checkouts. She_ hates _how awkward that was, how closed off they both were, and how it’s_ Lauren’s _fault that they’re strangers now, but she feels better knowing that she’d extended an olive branch._

 _As she heads to class, she’s hit with the crushing realisation that Camila probably deleted her number. Lauren knows she would’ve, if the roles were reversed._ You should’ve given her your number, idiot! _She curses herself, but realises Camila probably won’t call. Why would she, after everything?_

_She takes a seat at the back of the lecture hall just in the nick of time as class starts, and pulls out her laptop, opening it up to a fresh Word document. She’s so focused on taking notes that she almost doesn’t notice her phone screen lighting up, but she grabs it and glances inquisitively, her entire body fuzzy with happiness when she sees the messages on the screen._

**_Camz (1:09PM): hi_ **

**_Camz (1:10PM): it’s camila by the way I forgot to mention that in my first text_ **

“Well, you’re adorable, and I totally feel the same way because you’re my soulmate, loser,” Camila flashes her that adorably cocky grin as she gets her house keys out of her pocket. “So, um, I was thinking…”

Camila trails off as she pulls her up the driveway, and doesn’t answer Lauren’s, “thinking about what?” until she’s unlocked the front door and pulled her back inside. “Camz, you know I’m not a psychic, right?”

“ _I’m not a psychic but I see myself all over you,”_ Camila sings, and Lauren raises her eyebrows at the lyrics, “that’s from _Into It_. One of the songs I’ve written about you.”

“Sounds… _risqué,”_ Lauren jokes, but pokes Camila in the arm as she pulls her into the kitchen. “Anyway, tell me what you were thinking.”

“Well, I know you’ve already signed a new lease for a different place with your friends in August, but… like, _after_ you finish college, would you- um,” Camila trails off, blushing and looking away shyly. Lauren finds the sight adorable, especially when she thinks about Camila’s confidence nowadays. “Would you want to move in with me? Like, get a place just… just the two of us?”

“I would love that.” Lauren pulls her in for a kiss. “Of course. A million times yes.”

“Okay. Good. Perfect.” Camila announces, nodding to herself like she hadn’t believed Lauren would say yes. “Alright. Now, go make your wonderful girlfriend some breakfast.”

Camila gives her a slight nudge towards the stove, and Lauren rolls her eyes, grabbing Camila by the wrist before she slips away. She sends her a warning glare, and Camila pulls her close by the waist. “You’re helping me. Okay?”

“On one condition…” Camila announces, and Lauren waits for the _kiss me_. Instead, Camila says, “You teach me how to crack an egg one handed.”

Lauren snorts with laughter, pulling Camila in for a kiss anyway, loving how every time feels like the first, like she could never get used to the way Camila’s mouth feels against hers, the way her tongue feels in Lauren’s mouth, the way her teeth feel when they bite Lauren’s bottom lip.

Lauren pulls away with a smile. “I think that can be arranged.”

  
_liked by_ **camila_cabello, normani** _and_ **17,439 others  
laurenjauregui: **Three years of college down, one to go.

 **camila_cabello:** you know i have a thing for smart girls  
   **laurenjauregui:** And I don’t have a thing for fuckboys, move along, Cabello.

 **camrenjauregui97:** Congrats Lauren!  
   **laurenjauregui:** Thank you, cutie!

 **cabelloxjauregui:** ayyy mami get that degree!!! beat that bitch ass cabello up with ur higher education!! punch me in the face  
   **laurenjauregui:** I never know if you guys are complimenting or not like why do you want me to beat you up??? That’s not fun!  
    **camila_cabello:** and lern the internet grandma strikes again! bitch slap me with ur dentures

-

Lauren has a routine now that she’s back at home.

She has her routine for college, obviously, with class schedules to take into account, as well as work, but at home, it’s not like that. Sure, she has her job, but she’s been put on the night staff, midnight to six. The rest of the day is hers to do what she wants with. On the days she’s working, she sleeps in until twelve, and that’s around the time Camila wakes up anyway, so she’s always free to hang out.

(Lauren is incredibly grateful that Camila had come back home with her, even if she’d protested initially; she isn’t sure if she could properly handle the time apart.)

Today is one of Lauren’s free days, and she’s already coordinated what she’s going to do. On these days, she usually has the schedule of _walk Dash, then call Camila and see what she’s doing_ , but she decides to put a little twist on that.

When she wakes up, at around ten, she gets herself ready and presentable and heads to the grocery store to buy flowers. Lucy is working, and she sends her a teasing grin when Lauren walks up to her checkout with the purchase. “For a special someone?”

She’s wiggling her eyebrows suggestively, but Lauren just smiles. “Yeah, they are.”

“Adorable,” Lucy comments, checking her out and scanning her staff discount card for her, which Lauren appreciates. “Hope she loves them.”

Lauren hums as she heads towards the automatic doors. “Me too.”

She unlocks her car, leaving the flowers on the passenger seat, driving with one destination in mind. She sings along to the songs on the radio, a lot of them cheesy pop songs about being in love that make her think about Camila, but when she drives through the open gates of the cemetery, she turns the volume down to mute, feeling like it’s more respectful to stay in silence.

She follows the familiar little road right to the back of the cemetery, where her grandmother is buried, and pulls up by a big square section of graves. She grabs the flowers, knowing that her parents keep water for the pots and scissors for the stems hidden behind the grave, and walks over to it. Not caring about the dew on the grass and how it might soak into her jeans, Lauren kneels in front of the grave and smiles sadly.

“ _Hola, abuelita,”_ Lauren murmurs, reaching behind the gravestone to grab the water and the scissors. “I’m sorry I haven’t been up for a while. Since Christmas. I can almost imagine your ghost clipping me around the ear for that. But I promise, I meant to come up during Spring break, but that’s actually- something I need to talk to you about.”

Lauren continues on as she removes the old, withered flowers from the pot; she knows her parents will have been up recently, but there’s always the problem of wild rabbits chewing at the flowers left on gravestones. “So, what was the last thing we talked about? Oh, yeah, I was telling you about _Camila_. You remember her, right? You only met her once, but… but she helped me after you… um, anyway! I mentioned last time that I liked her a lot. Like, so much, but I didn’t want to push anything in case it ruined things. Well…”

Lauren smiles happily as she pours more water into the pots and mixes in the plant food that was stuck to the bouquet. “Well, _she_ actually made the first move! On New Year’s Eve! We’ve been seeing each other since then. She’s my girlfriend, and I love her with my whole heart, and I know _you_ would’ve loved her too. You did when you met her that one time, you said she was such a sweet kid and you were happy I had a friend who would teach me a thing or two about my Cuban background.”

“Don’t think she ever did much teaching about that, it was more teaching me about _Spongebob Squarepants_ and all of her other favourite TV shows,” Lauren laughs to herself at the mental image of little Spongebob obsessed Camila as she cuts the stems of the flowers a little shorter and starts arranging them properly. “But I’m happy. I think it’s the first time in my adult life that I’ve ever felt so _light_. I mean, I’ve been better for _years_ , but it’s always been like something is missing. Like a jigsaw puzzle, missing just one piece to create the final picture. But I found that piece, and it’s Camila. Maybe- maybe one day I’ll invite her up here with me, but for now, I think I like it just you and me. I like being able to update you.”

It had been a long time since she’d lost her abuela; eleven years, if she bothers counting. But Lauren still remembers her like it was yesterday. There are a few old home movies she watches when she’s feeling particularly nostalgic, her favourite being the one where she’s around six years old and she’s making her abuela do the _Cha Cha Slide_ with her.

“Anyway, I think that’s all the news I have. But I’ll come back and let you know what my exam results were, I’m hoping I’ve done well enough to maintain my GPA, but we’ll see.” Lauren says, putting the scissors back and bunching up the bouquet wrappings with the old, dead flowers. “Oh, and Camila somehow dragged me to Barcelona, which I’m still kind of weird about, but there are some things about that trip that I’d like to keep to myself. I should head home now, I still need to take poor little Dash out on his morning walk; he can’t go very far anymore, can you believe he’s twelve now? Thanks for letting me ramble on. I love you, and I’ll be back so soon.”

Lauren fixes the gravestone with one last smile, and she blinks the tears out of her eyes before she pushes herself up off the ground, feeling oddly comforted. She takes the wrappings and the old flowers and dumps them in one of the bins, her face sinking into a frown when she sees an empty gravestone.

She walks back over to her abuela’s grave and smiles sheepishly. “Me again. Just going to borrow a flower.”

She grabs one of them, a pink tulip, and lays it across the empty grave on her way past; she always hates seeing that kind of thing. She knows it’s hard for some people to make it up to the cemetery, or maybe someone had no more relatives alive, but it makes her heart hurt to think of someone’s grave just going ignored. Her brother told her she was being too sensitive when she said that, and she probably _is_ , but her mom had seemed proud by the words.

She gets back into her car and sets off back home, wondering if she should take Dash to Camila’s neighbourhood in the car; she knows that Camila has two dogs now, Thunder and Leo, and surely they must be good with other dogs if they live with each other? Maybe they could go on a cute, romantic dog walk. That’s when she remembers that Thunder is still basically a puppy, and Dash is old and doesn’t do well around excitement, so she thinks she’ll leave calling her girlfriend for later today.

She turns her music up on the way home, humming along to the stereo, and decides she’ll make a batch of cookies later; granted, they’re not on par with Ally’s. Camila had brought a few of Ally’s cookies for their flight back to Miami, and Lauren had almost died because they were _that_ good.

She pulls into the driveway, and she sees her mom peeking out of the blinds in the living room. She almost laughs, but she understands her mom’s worries; Lauren generally makes sure to tell her when she’s going somewhere, but since it was a weekend, she wanted to let her parents sleep in.

She parks her car in her usual spot on the driveway, and gets out, tucking her keys into her back pocket once she’s unlocked it. She’s ready to get her house keys out of her _other_ pocket but the front door swings open just as she steps onto the porch.

“I thought I heard your car,” Clara says like she wasn’t obviously spying out of the window, “come on, I’ll make you some breakfast.”

“Oh, it’s fine, I had some mango before I left,” Lauren says, dumping her car keys on the side, and knowing what her mom _really_ wants to hear, she adds, “I figured I’d go up to the cemetery since I didn’t get to during Spring break.”

Lauren sees the relief flood onto her mother’s face. “Oh, that’s nice. Are you sure you don’t want anything to eat?”

“Yeah, I’m just going to take Dash out, but I’ll definitely have some scrambled egg and bacon when I get back,” Lauren replies, and at the words, the little dog trots out of the lounge, looking up hopefully. “You heard that, huh? You want to go for walkies?”

She gets him on his leash and heads back out of the house, putting one of her earbuds in as she walks along. She finds herself thinking about Camila again, about what she’d spoken about as she arranged the flowers. _Barcelona_. She knows it’s stupid, but she still feels like she _owes_ Camila for that, even though the younger girl had practically dragged her there. Sometimes, she still isn’t sure she fits into Camila’s world, with her huge house and her friends who walk around wearing Gucci and Cartier and all of these other brands that Lauren probably couldn’t afford secondhand. While she’s learning to ignore the comments from those _Camriana_ fans after her _incident_ , whenever she thinks about how much Camila has given her, she realises that they’re kind of right, in a way. She and Camila _aren’t_ on the same level, and probably never will be, and it makes her feel a little inadequate.

“Don’t be stupid,” She murmurs to herself, waiting for Dash as he pees against a lamppost. “You’re fine.”

There’s still that part of her that doesn’t believe it, but she tries to swallow that, because deep down, she knows it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that she _loves_ Camila, and Camila loves her.

“Whoa, hey stranger.”

She completely blanks the voice as she walks, not even _realising_ that they’re addressing her because she’s too wrapped up in her own thoughts, but when someone grabs her shoulder, she almost jumps ten feet into the air, and spins around to meet Brad Simpson’s gaze.

Immediately pulling out of his grasp, she frowns. “What do you want?”

Brad shrugs. “Nothing, just saw you walking and thought I’d say hi.”

“Okay, well, you’ve said it,” Lauren easily counters, spinning on her heel and walking away, pulling little Dash with her. “Bye.”

“I was just going to say,” Brad catches up with her, “don’t you think it’s funny how technically we never broke up?”

“Um…” Lauren picks up her pace, “we’re over, then.”

“What’re you doing now?” Brad asks her, and Lauren doesn’t even have to _answer_ for him to figure it out. “Well, I guess your sweater says it all. UCLA. Broke student life, huh? You know I could help make that a little easier.”

Knowing what he’s implying, she shakes her head. “Not interested.”

“Are you sure?” He presses her, and she’s already halfway down the street when he adds, “Even if it’ll get you the same amount of cash as your little YouTube girlfriend?”

Lauren stops dead in her tracks, spinning around with a glare. “How the _fuck_ do you know that?”

“Your Instagram is pretty telling, _babe_ ,” Brad mockingly replies, “are you interested? Surely she’s got to be loaded, right? Wouldn’t it feel good to be able to give back to her? Besides, you kind of owe me for getting your dumb ass caught. I guess your parents got rid of everything I gave you to sell and _I_ got the flack for it.”

Lauren glares at him, his words having gotten to her more than she’d like to admit. “You don’t know anything about her, _or_ me. Leave me alone.”

“You _owe_ me. I have enough that could easily make you three grand in one night. Just a one-time thing,” Brad tells her, and Lauren is almost tempted by it. The most money she’s ever had, aside from when Camila had given her the ten thousand, was when she was dealing. “Wouldn’t that make you feel better? You know she’s just going to get bored when you can’t do stuff with her because of _money_ , and then she’ll end up dropping you. If you don’t want that to happen, meet me at our old spot at ten.”

As he turns to go, Lauren anxiously plays with the leash in her hands. “Just a one-time thing?”

“Mhm,” Brad replies over his shoulder, “think about it.”

Lauren watches after him until he becomes a mere speck in the distance, turning the idea over in her head. A one-time thing. That’s not that bad, is it? Nobody would have to know, and it _would_ make her feel at ease. She could give the whole thing to Camila to cover Barcelona, and then she wouldn’t feel like such a burden. It would fix this, wouldn’t it?

She’s made a decision by the time her phone buzzes with a text, and she pulls the device out to read it, turning around the corner to head back onto her block.

**_Camz (11:52AM): hi mi amor wyd tonight??? sleepover???_ **

Lauren reads the text, a little numb when she texts back.

**_lern jergi (11:53AM): Sorry, can’t, got plans with my family. Tomorrow?_ **

****_  
_

_liked by_ **laurenjauregui, keanamarie_** _and_ **81,048 others  
camila_cabello: **just thought i'd post an old pic of me and my girl because i haven't seen her for about 14 hours and i'm goin a lil crazy over here

 **lucyvives:** hotties  
    **camila_cabello:** u pretty hot yourself  
     **laurenjauregui:** Okay, do you mind not FLIRTING right in front of me????  
      **alexaferrer:** nah camcy is where it's at  
       **laurenjauregui:** Bullies :(  
  



	24. 23

The guilt starts to build in her stomach the moment she steps out of the house.

She told her family she was running out to get some milk, but they don’t notice how she’s so anxious, she smuggles Nala out of the house with her. She sits in the driver’s seat of the car for a moment, just holding the stuffed lion to her chest, working on her breathing as the guilt weighs her down. She hates lying to them, hates sneaking around, hates breaking their trust.

Eventually, she pushes her stuffed animal to the side and starts to drive to the old rendezvous point she had with Brad. It’s an old playpark, where barely anybody goes during the day. There are big bushes to the side of the rusted swings, and that’s where they’d always meet, safe under the covers of the trees. When her mother had caught her, it was when she was with the customer by the swings, and just the thought of the spot carries bad memories, but she pushes on.

 _You need to do this_ , she assures herself as she drives, _you’re fine. It’s fine._

She finds that her hands are shaking when she parks the car, and she needs a few more moments to cuddle Nala, trying to control the weight in her chest and how bad she feels, how horrible and anxious she is. But she pushes herself. She gets out of the car, checking the time on her phone screen. _10:01PM._ She’s a minute late.

She walks down the darkened, winding path to the park, the swing sets creaking in the wind. She pushes a branch aside using her phone torch to navigate her way through the little clearing, and that’s when she sees him.

Brad grins from ear to ear. “Glad you came to your senses. Now your little girlfriend won’t ditch you.”

He has a backpack, and when he starts to unzip it, Lauren takes a step back. She doesn’t want to know what’s in there. She takes another step back and shakes her head, almost completely consumed with self-hatred for the fact that she’s even _here_. But she has to be.

“I didn’t come here to deal.” Lauren gets out, watching as Brad freezes in place at the words. She needed to come, but not for the easy money; she needed to come here because she never got any closure, and that’s something that bothers her. She never got to close that chapter of her life, and the fact that she’d _considered_ Brad’s offer earlier before deciding _no_ is what made her realise that she needed it.

Brad scoffs, and Lauren is relieved when she senses amusement, not anger. “What did you come here to do then?”

Steeling herself, pushing down the temptation to just do it, she stands up to him. “I came here to tell you that I want nothing to do with you or your drugs. And to tell you that if you see me around, I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want you to even _look_ at me. Okay?”

Brad snorts with amusement. “Alright, _dyke_. But don’t come crying to me when your little _whore_ of a girlfriend ditches you because you’re broke.”

She doesn’t care what he calls her. She really doesn’t. But when he used that derogatory term in reference to _Camila_? That’s what makes her snap. She throws the punch before she thinks about it, catching him on the jaw, and she practically _growls_ , “Don’t you _ever_ insult her. You’re a worthless piece of shit and I can’t believe I ever _dated_ you.”

“I can’t believe I ever dated a _dyke_ like you,” Brad rubs at his jaw, following her in a rage as Lauren bursts out of the trees and starts backing up the path to her car. “Are you sure you’re bisexual, or is that just an excuse to sleep around with as many people as you can?”

“At least people want to sleep with me,” Lauren retorts, “I don’t see anyone lining up to be with you. Don’t ever talk to me again, got that? That’s all I needed to say.”

He calls some obscenities after her, mostly slut-shaming ones, and she couldn’t care less as she gets back into her car and turns the keys in the ignition. Picking up her phone, she dials the number for the cops, giving the spot and saying that she’s concerned a heroin deal may be taking place, hanging up when they ask her for her name. They could trace the call, and she doesn’t care about Brad knowing she ratted on him; what she _cares_ about is that she may have stopped someone using tonight, and that’s what counts.

She drives for a little while, mostly just to clear her head, before she pulls up on the side of a street and grabs Nala, just cuddling her for a little while, relieved that she’d done what she needed to do. It’s stupid, but just telling him to leave her alone, going there to say _no_ , had made her feel a million times better, even if she _did_ lie to her family about where she was going.

Thinking of her family, she puts Nala back on the passenger seat and grabs her phone, with the intention of texting her mom to tell her the truth, _then_ actually going to get milk. But she’s easily distracted by a message from Camila.

**_Camz (10:05PM): i haven’t seen u all day and i’m mad about it_ **

**_Camz (10:05PM): wow i love being the worlds clingiest girlfriend anyway text me back!!!!!! and i love you!!!!_ **

Instead of texting, Lauren calls her, putting the phone on speaker as she waits for her to pick up.

 _“I see you just read my clingy texts,”_ Camila says as she answers, _“and I’m totally owning my clinginess. I miss you!”_

“I miss you too,” Lauren replies, playing with Nala again as she talks, “can I come over?”

“ _Right now? Yeah,”_ Camila enthusiastically answers, and Lauren can practically feel her smile through the phone. “ _Thought you had plans with your family?”_

“I’m sure I can get out of them, we’re just spending some quality time watching movies, all of which are my mom’s choices,” Lauren says, and it’s half the truth. “I’ll be over in… forty minutes?”

 _“Okay,”_ Camila replies, _“See you then. I love you!”_

“I love you too,” Lauren says, and when she hears the little tone indicating that Camila has hung up, she puts her phone on the passenger seat with Nala and decides to keep her little detour to herself. It’s over, she has her closure with Brad, and she never needs to think about it again.

As she sets off to the nearest grocery store to grab some milk, she pushes away that niggling thought at the back of her mind, the only thing that Brad had said that really _got_ to her, his comment about money. She knows it’s a stupid worry to have, but it’s always at the back of her mind, and hearing someone _else_ say the things she’s worrying about makes it all the more real.

 _No, Brad is an idiot and you know that,_ Lauren tries to reassure herself as she drives, _ignore it. Just ignore it._

But even as she pushes it down, it’s still there, clinging to the back of her mind no matter how much she tries to ignore it.

-

As soon as her phone buzzes, Camila heads downstairs to answer the door for Lauren. She told her not to ring the bell or knock, since her parents and sister are in bed, and she knows that the text is just Lauren letting her know she’s outside.

She grabs her key and puts it in the lock, opening it up and smiling at the beautiful woman on her doorstep. “Hey.”

Lauren meets her gaze, and there’s something hidden behind her eyes that Camila sees, but she can’t quite place the emotion. “Hi.”

“You can come in, you know,” Camila raises her eyebrows in amusement as Lauren stays put on the doorstep. “Or are you planning on sleeping on the porch?”

“No, no, I just…” Lauren starts, but shakes her head and steps over the threshold, plopping down on the stairs, working on unlacing her shoes. “How was your day?”

“It was fine. Took my sister out shopping during the day since I didn’t get to see you. She’s so happy that I’m home,” Camila replies, shutting the front door and making sure it’s locked. “I know I came back because I couldn’t bear being away from you for three months, but I’m really loving the family time. What’d you do today then, beautiful?”

Camila grabs Lauren by the hand and pulls her up once she’s finished taking her shoes off, pulling her into a tight hug before Lauren can speak. She _had_ to do that; it’s like she has some kind of _need_ to touch Lauren as much as possible.

Lauren lets out a sigh, but Camila can still sense some tension in her body as she falls into the hug. She’s going to ask if she’s okay, but Lauren answers her original question before she can, pulling away from her and fixing her with a small smile, and there’s this weird _sadness_ behind it that Camila doesn’t understand. “I didn’t do much. Went up to the cemetery this morning, then just walked Dash and hung out with my family.”

“I love that you’re so close to them,” Camila smiles, swinging their hands and nodding down the hall in the direction of her bedroom. “Want to go to my room? I heard it’s going to rain tonight. I’ve always loved the idea of snuggling with someone while the rain beats down against the roof and you can hear the wind against the windows.”

“Yeah,” Lauren murmurs, and Camila is almost _guiding_ her down the hall to her. It’s not hard for her to sense that there’s something on Lauren’s mind. “I like being in bed when there’s a storm out.”

“Lauren,” Camila drops her voice to a murmur as they pass Sofi’s room; she doesn’t want to wake her sister up, “are you okay? You seem like there’s something on your mind.”

Lauren is quiet until they get to Camila’s bedroom, and the younger Latina shuts the door behind them, fixing her with a serious look when it feels like Lauren is just ignoring the question.

Meeting her gaze, Lauren smiles, but there’s something _off_ about it. “I’m okay.”

Camila snorts disbelievingly, and while she doesn’t want to push, she never pushed when they were younger and she just _let_ Lauren spiral. That’s not going to happen again; if she’s sensing something _off_ , Camila wants to know what’s wrong so she can help.

“Okay, yeah, and I’m the fucking president,” Camila retorts, and Lauren avoids her stern gaze. “Tell me what’s wrong. You know you can talk to me about anything and there’s something going on.”

“I’m _fine_ ,” Lauren insists, and Camila still doesn’t believe her, “I’m just tired.”

It’s the worst excuse in the book, and they both know it. Camila wants to keep pushing, because she _knows_ that there’s something going on, something Lauren is hiding, and she blurts out, “Why won’t you talk to me?”

“Because there’s nothing to tell you, so _drop it,_ ” and Lauren sends her a glare that pierces her very soul, throws her back to all the times she’d asked her if she was on something and Lauren would never answer, all of the dismissals, the anger, everything that led up to their fight, and Camila almost breaks then and there.

Almost as if she senses the stab of pain that shoots through Camila at all of the bad memories, Lauren softens, and wraps her arms around Camila’s waist, pressing a tentative kiss to her cheek. “I appreciate that you’re concerned, but I’m fine, okay?”

 _Would you be so defensive if you were fine?_ Camila thinks, and she doesn’t understand it, because Lauren had seemed perfectly okay on the phone. _But then from her tone, if you just listened to her voice, you’d think she was okay. It’s her body language and her eyes that made you notice._

But Camila accepts the words, nodding along, trying to forget that _look_ , the one she hasn’t seen for five years, with so much anger behind the usually bright green eyes that sparkle with so much happiness. And as she looks into them now, there’s a cloudy grey hue, like the sky before a storm, and she knows for certain that something is wrong.

She opens her mouth to keep pushing, but Lauren nuzzles into her, and Camila reminds herself that it’s not like last time, and Lauren has a right to her secrets. She knows she should just _drop_ it, but she wants to make sure that Lauren knows she can talk to her, and goes to let her know that, but the older Latina beats her to it.

“Can I draw you?”

Camila is so taken off guard by the request that she almost forgets that there’s obviously something on her girlfriend’s mind. “What?”

“Can I draw you?” Lauren repeats, and Camila just sends her a questioning glance as Lauren crosses over to Camila’s bed, where she’d dumped her backpack. She takes Nala out, placing the lion carefully on Camila’s pillow, and immediately produces a sketchbook from her bag. “Admittedly, I premeditated this, but… can I? I’ve never really drawn you before, not properly, and… I want to.”

“Yeah. I’d like that.” Camila nods, and she’s doing it half because she _wants_ Lauren to sketch her, and half because she hopes this distraction will take anything bad off Lauren’s mind. “What should I do? Should I pose?”

In an attempt to make Lauren laugh, Camila strikes a pose, sticking a leg in the air and pouting rather aggressively. Lauren smiles fondly, but there’s still that _look_ in her eyes, and it’s driving her crazy. “No, no posing. Just… maybe, like, play your guitar or something? Don’t even pay attention to the fact that I’m drawing you.”

Camila hums in thought, and while she’d rather pose in some kind of way just so she can keep an eye on Lauren, she nods along, and debates between the two guitars hung on the wall adjacent to her closet. Eventually, she picks her PRS Mira, deciding it’s better to use an electric without plugging it in, so it’ll be a little quieter.

She pushes the pile of clothes off _the chair_ and takes a seat, absently strumming a few chords and looking back up to Lauren for confirmation. “Is this okay?”

“Perfect,” Lauren assures her, grabbing a pencil and flipping past a few other sketches to a fresh page. “Okay, pretend I’m not here.”

Camila finds it hard, and she hopes her worry doesn’t translate to the drawing, because she’s kind of terrified. She’s worried _sick_ about Lauren, because they’ve always been so open, and the fact that she’s hiding something is scary. Camila thinks she’d made it pretty clear that she wouldn’t judge her on anything, even if Lauren came to her and told her she’d taken something.

(Admittedly, that thought is playing at the back of her mind, but she knows it shouldn’t, because she’s seen Lauren high and she knows how she’d act. This isn’t it.)

She finds herself playing one of the songs she’d written immediately after her fight with Lauren, _Something’s Gotta Give._ It’s supposed to be played on piano, but she finds herself strumming the right chords and humming the melody of the lyrics. She’d never posted this, or the other song she’d written, _Consequences_ , on her channel; it felt far too personal to put out there.

Admittedly, she’d been properly recording tracks by herself, just on her laptop. She’ll polish them up when she’s going to release them, but she’s been thinking of the tracklist as some kind of story, _her story with Lauren_ , and if she properly recorded these songs and ordered them correctly, it really would express everything without her having to _explain_ it. It’s one of the reasons why she’s always loved music; she can tell a story without actually _telling_ it.

“You’ve always been amazing at that,” Lauren murmurs, and Camila jumps; she’d actually forgotten she was there. “I remember the first time I ever heard you sing. We were eight, and you were playing around with all of your dad’s CDs, singing along to every single song you knew, and I remember being in _awe_ of your voice. I mean, I was in awe of everything you did, but that especially.”

Camila smiles, strumming a random barre chord and trying to hide her blush. “I was eight, I can’t have been that good.”

“You’ve always been amazing,” Lauren meets her gaze and looks at her so softly that Camila almost forgets that there’s something up. “Anyway, I finished, if you want to see. It’s just a rough sketch, but…”

Camila hangs her guitar back up on the wall, and flops down next to Lauren in her bed. The older girl holds out the sketchbook, and Camila looks down at the drawing. Art, drawings and paintings and anything that involved a steady hand had always impressed Camila. She’d always been hopeless at the subject; even as a child, she’d never coloured inside the lines, and the one time she’d shared a colouring book with Lauren on a rainy day, it was obvious who’d coloured what. Lauren had always been artistic in that respect, and even when she was younger, her drawings were well beyond her years. That makes this supposed rough sketch all the more impressive.

It’s almost like Lauren had taken a black and white photograph; every inch of Camila is accurate, every curve, every line, right down to the light shining on the guitar’s body. There’s a little stop in the realism when she sees how Lauren had made her lighter, almost angelic, and she goes to make a joke about it, but that’s when the thought hits her. Lauren had drawn her how she _sees_ her, bounds of reality be damned. She’d made Camila angelic and light, and the younger girl appreciates the drawing even more, because she gets to see herself through Lauren’s eyes, through the _love of her life’s_ eyes.

“You’re so talented,” Camila buries into her in a hug, hoping that if she _thinks_ loud enough, Lauren will feel how much she genuinely adores the drawing because she doesn’t know if she can convey it with words. “How come you’re not pursuing this? You’ve always been so good at art.”

Lauren just shrugs, fingers tangling into Camila’s hair as the younger girl holds the sketchbook tight, the drawing pressed to her chest between the two of them. “It’s not something I would ever study. Not because I don’t love it, I really do, but because it’s the one thing I actually do for myself. I couldn’t do it academically, be _forced_ to draw certain things or study different mediums. When I’m drawing, it’s the only time I ever genuinely feel like I’m a free spirit, like I’m detached from myself and my problems and my worries. I’m just the pencil on the paper.”

Camila understands that; it’s exactly how she feels about her music, and it’s also how she knows there was _definitely_ something wrong with Lauren when she turned up. “I’m glad you have something that lets you feel that way. A real creative outlet. When did you get back into it? I know you dropped it during high school.”

Lauren hums as Camila detaches from her. “When I started college, actually. I thought about it during school, but I never had any proper supplies and I got a detention from doodling in class, so I just didn’t bother if it was going to be a punishable offence. Plus, at that point, I didn’t really _need_ a proper coping mechanism, because when I was at school we were basically under constant surveillance, and because of the whole roommate thing, I never had a moment alone.”

As Lauren recalls this, Camila cringes at the idea. She couldn’t imagine not having a _moment_ to herself for two whole years. She’d go crazy; sometimes she needs time to be alone, just to recharge from being around people, so _that_ sounds like her own personal hell.

“Naturally, when I graduated, I came home for a little while and kept myself busy with work, and my parents were very watchful, so that was fine, I still didn’t need anything, and I was slowly coming off my anti-depressants. But _then_ summer was over, and I moved out to LA, and it was the first time I wasn’t under any kind of supervision except for Lucy in our dorm.” Lauren explains, and Camila can assume it was a jarring switch. “I was fine, for about a month. But then assignments and deadlines started creeping up, and I was getting stressed and started to fall back into a little depression and the first thing I wanted to do was to _take_ something. I actually contacted Lucy’s dealer and he directed me to someone else who handled the heavier stuff, and I was going to meet with them.”

Camila’s mouth goes dry. “Oh. I thought you’ve been clean for almost five years.”

“I have. I never met with the dealer, because on my way there, I passed by an arts and crafts store and there was like this _choice._ You know those moments that can probably define which way your life is going to go? I think this was one of them for me,” Lauren says, picking at a little hole in Camila’s duvet cover. “There was a choice then, between creativity and self-destruction, and I chose the former. I went into the crafts store, bought a sketchbook and some pencils, went back to my room, deleted the dealer’s number from my phone and sketched my family from a picture I had saved. Barring the occasional joint, instead of turning back to the unhealthy coping mechanism I used to have, I just… _draw_ instead.”

Camila mulls the story over in her head, flicking through some of the other drawings in Lauren’s sketchbook. “You’re so much stronger than you know. You _could’ve_ taken something, fallen back into it all at so many points, but you’ve always stayed away from it. Not many people would have that much willpower.”

Lauren shrugs like it’s nothing. “I don’t think you understand how close I’ve been before. To relapsing. I feel like… like I’ll _always_ be at risk of it, honestly, because it’s not like stopping taking it makes me stop _wanting_ it when I feel bad. I had a moment like that today.”

Camila blinks in surprise, and that’s when she realises _this is what was bothering her, she’s opening up to you, try not to jump around with joy._  “Oh? How come?”

Lauren meets her gaze for a moment, and Camila can see the conflict in her eyes. It’s like she’s having a debate with herself, like she can’t decide to tell or not to tell, but eventually, she rests her head on Camila’s shoulder. “It’s not important. Let’s just say I finally got some closure I needed.”

“I don’t know which way to take that,” Camila admits, because _closure_ could mean anything. _Closure_ could be good or bad, could mean she’d had one final fix or went on some kind of bust with the cops and completely shut down a drug lab. “But if you want to keep it to yourself-”

“I saw Brad.”

Camila blinks at the interruption, but when the words sink in, she’s completely alert. “Um, what?”

“I ran into him while I was walking Dash. He tried to guilt me into dealing with him again and offered me a job for three grand.” Lauren absently recounts, and Camila stares at her in shock. “Told me to meet him at ten at our old spot. I went.”

Camila’s jaw works at the words, and her stomach drops, her entire body feeling like someone just poured a bucket of ice over her. If she’s understanding this correctly, _Lauren dealt tonight._ “What?”

“I was mad at myself because I considered his offer. Not even because he tried to guilt me, but he said some… other stuff that got into my head.” Lauren looks a little bothered at the memory of whatever he said, but Camila doesn’t pick up on it, because she’s more focused on how _Lauren might’ve dealt tonight._ “The fact that I even considered it made me realise how I never got any closure with him. He even said it, technically we never even broke up. So I went to the spot at ten and just… told him to go fuck himself, basically. He was upset but I don’t think he’ll bother me again. Especially because I called the police and let them know the location of a deal.”

Camila takes the words in and wraps her arms around Lauren, holding her tight, totally relieved. She _hadn’t_ dealt anything, even though it was easy money. But what she _doesn’t_ get is why Lauren sees _that_ as money she’d take, but not the money Camila tries to give her for filming with her. “Oh. Well, see! You didn’t go to deal, which just proves that-”

“The point is that I _wanted_ to. Not even because I wanted to get back into it, purely because he said it would be an easy, one-time thing, and he said some things I’d already been worried and insecure about, and that’s what made me want to do it.” Lauren interrupts her, grabbing her sketchbook back and closing it. “Anyway. It’s over. I got the closure I needed, so I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“Just- one more thing,” Camila stops her, before she considers this and adds, “well, _two_ more things. One; I’m very proud of you for not dealing, and two, will you tell me what he said? The thing that made you want to, that you’ve already been upset about. Because I- I don’t like that there’s something bad on your mind. I just want to make you smile.”

“You already make me smile,” Lauren shrugs, and when she meets her gaze, she looks better, but Camila can tell there’s still _something_ up. “And it’s not important. Just something that tapped into a few insecurities.”

Camila frowns. “Are you sure?”

After a few moments of silence, Lauren smiles, leaning in to press a reassuring kiss to Camila’s forehead. “I’m sure.”

Accepting this, Camila nods, and lets Lauren snuggle up to her, trying not to worry about whatever it is that’s on her girlfriend’s mind. She’d opened up to her about the big things, and that’s what matters, Camila assures herself, Lauren will forget about whatever stupid thing Brad had said to her, and Camila trusts her completely.

“I wasn’t going to tell anyone.” Lauren murmurs. “About meeting with Brad. I chickened out when it came to telling my parents, because I know my mom would’ve gotten over-protective. It’s just… crazy how easy it is to talk to you.”

Camila hums. “All I want is for you to feel like you have a safe place in me.”

Sitting up to pull her in for a real kiss, Camila feels Lauren smile against her, and the older girl pulls back just a tiny amount, the tips of their noses brushing as she murmurs, “I definitely do.”

And that’s enough for Camila.

  
_liked by_ **lucyvives, keanamarie_** _and_ **102,946 others  
camila_cabello: **some fetus camren for ur viewing pleasure and lern jergi’s annoyance

 **laurenjauregui:** No take this down what am I DOING  
   **camila_cabello:** i know what a basic bitch with the pout amirite???  
    **laurenjauregui:** Coming from you with whatever your mouth is doing? Imagine that, at least the pout is normal  
     **camila_cabello:** shut up before i bitch slap you with my 1 million subscriber plaque  
      **laurenjauregui:** I’ll hit you with my college acceptance letter and THEN my degree once I finish it you uneducated swine  
       **camrenjauregui:** I can just imagine them sat next to each other giggling as they’re typing and it makes my whole heart happy

 **alexaferrer:** thanks **@lucyvives** for linking me to preteen lauren  
   **laurenjauregui:** I’m just relieved you can’t see the travesty of an outfit I was probably wearing.  
    **camila_cabello:** probably NOT wearing because i took it off you ;)  
     **laurenjauregui:** Fuck off you pervert


	25. 24

**2003**

_ Camila _

For once in her life, Camila is excited for school. Yesterday, a little Spanish speaking angel had saved her, and Camila is determined to see her again. She’s told her mami all about her, about how a pretty girl had rescued her from a bully, and how they’re best friends now, and how she can’t wait to see her again. Sinu had said it was sweet, but she didn’t want Camila to end up disappointed.

She knows the other girl is in the grade ahead of her, so Camila decides she’s going to stand by the classrooms when they’re let out for break, and see if she can find her. Unfortunately for her, her class gets out late for recess, so when Camila toddles over to all of the other classrooms, they’re already empty.

She sighs, and walks out onto the playground by herself, looking around in all of the crowds for the pretty girl, _Lauren_ , and she wonders if Lauren had only said they could be friends to be nice. Maybe she felt bad that Camila couldn’t speak to anybody else, so she entertained her for that one recess and that’s all.

She sighs, and after looking around for the girl a little more, she can’t find her. Pouting, Camila walks over to the little corner she always stays in, her eyes widening when she sees the girl already sat there, munching on a bag of animal crackers.

She breaks out into a run and almost trips as she sits down in front of the girl, waving excitedly. “ _Hola, Lauren_!”

“ _Hola, Camila_ ,” Lauren smiles holding out the bag of animal crackers, “you can have the rest. I was saving them.”

“ _Gracias_ ,” Camila smiles, taking the animal crackers, looking up at Lauren with adoring eyes. One day, Camila hopes to be as big and strong as Lauren is. “ _Estoy feliz de que usted está aquí.”_

Lauren crinkles her nose in confusion. “I’m so- uh, _lo siento._ I don’t, um… understand. I mean, I don’t… hold on, my mami taught me this… _No compredo-_ uh- _lo que estás diciendo.”_

Lauren’s words are shaky and stammered, but Camila understands, nodding quickly. She sighs, because she wishes it was easier for her to pick up English. She knows what people _mean_ , mostly, but she can’t seem to get the words to connect in her head, or get them in the right order. She hopes that one day she’ll be good at it.

“You here, happy,” Camila tries to explain, “me happy.”

Lauren seems to get it. “You’re happy to see me?”

“ _Si!”_ Camila exclaims, clapping her hands excitedly. “I happy to see you!”

Lauren smiles. “I’m happy to see you too.”

“ _Somos amigas?”_ Camila questions, just to double check, pointing to herself first and then to Lauren. “We friends?”

“Yes! Uh, wait, I mean, _si!_ ” Lauren announces, and copying Camila questioningly, she adds, “ _Amigas._ ”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip, not sure what to say. She’s never had a friend before; even back home in Cuba, she always stayed by herself in school, frightened of how loud the other kids were. “ _Cuál es tu película favorita,_ Lauren?”

Lauren picks at the fabric on the leg of her dungarees. “Um, _no comprendo_ … I’m sorry, I don’t know much Spanish yet. I tried to learn so much last night, I wanted to know more when I got here to impress you, so we could talk properly, but I didn’t remember a lot of the stuff I asked my mami to teach me and I’m sorry, I’m so stupid!”

Camila blinks in surprise when Lauren bursts into tears, and her first emotion is one of shock. If there’s anyone she didn’t expect to cry, it was Lauren. Yesterday, when she’d fought off Camila’s bully, she seemed so big and tough, but now she looks so little and sad.

Unsure, Camila shuffles forwards and wraps her arms around the older girl, her stomach feeling funny when Lauren hides her face in Camila’s neck, and the younger girl makes a note to go ask the school nurse later. “ _Está bien! Por favor no llores!_ No sad, we _amigas_.”

Lauren cries against her, and Camila feels guilty. She wishes she knew more English, just so it would make the older girl smile. She’s already decided that she really likes Lauren’s smile; it lights up those big green eyes like fireworks, and she loves it.

“Lauren,” Camila says, and the older girl looks up at her, so tiny and sad. “We teach. You English teach me.”

“Okay,” Lauren wipes the tears from her eyes, “what do you want to know? I don’t know any big words yet, like the ones my dad sometimes says, but I’m trying to learn! I want to learn Spanish first though, for you!”

“Teach- um…” Camila frowns; how is she going to tell Lauren what she wants to teach her without already knowing the words herself? “Teach me _you_.”

Lauren frowns. “You want to learn about me?”

“ _Si, si,_ me want to learn about you!” Camila copies her. “Tell me. Me… um… _repetir._ ”

“Repeat?” Lauren questions and Camila nods. “Okay, um… I have two little siblings! I have a little brother called Chris, and a baby sister called Taylor.”

“You have two little si-siblings,” Camila stutters, repeating to herself, “ _ella tiene dos hermanos.”_

“Yeah! You tell me something!” Lauren excitedly replies, clapping her hands. “But in Spanish!”

Camila pauses in thought. “ _Mi película favorita es Lilo y Stitch_.”

“Your favourite movie is Lilo and Stitch!” Lauren announces, deducing that one herself. “Um, _mi película favorita es_ The Lion King. Is it my turn now? Um- what do you like to do for fun? I like to fingerpaint, but my mami says she’s going to buy me some real brushes for Christmas!”

“Finger paint?” Camila sounds out, recognising the word from class; a few of her peers stick their fingers in the paint and haphazardly poke at a sheet of paper until they have an array of colours splattered around. It’s not very artistic. “We do!”

“You want to do it together?” Lauren asks, and Camila nods enthusiastically, because if this pretty little angel wants to fingerpaint, then Camila is going to do it. “Okay! When?”

Camila bounces excitedly, and blurts out, “ _Te gustaría venir a mi casa y hacer pintura con los dedos?”_

Lauren frowns, and Camila knows she said it in Spanish, but she doesn’t know how to ask the question in English, so she just murmurs, “we do togeth,” in the hopes that Lauren will understand.

She doesn’t, just tilts her head to the side and looks at her with the cutest smile. “Can you say it again? Slow this time?”

Camila does as she requests without questioning it – she finds as she gets older, that becomes a common theme – and repeats the question slowly. “ _Te gustaría venir a mi casa y hacer pintura con los dedos?”_

“Um, no, I don’t know what that means…” Lauren’s eyebrows knit together in a frown, “I know that _mi casa_ is my house, but I- _oh!_ Are you asking me to come to your house?”

“ _Si_!” Camila exclaims, clapping her hands happily. “My house. You come my house. We paint finger style.”

“Yeah, I’d- wait, _si_ , um… wait, my mami taught me this,” Lauren pauses, brow furrowing in concentration, “ _Si, me encantaría.”_

Camila beams, and throws herself on Lauren in a tight hug. She doesn’t know if it’s too much, since she only met her yesterday, but she doesn’t care. All she knows is that she’s so grateful for this little girl, the one who saved her, and she’s not thinking about it when she murmurs, “ _vamos a ser los mejores amigas para siempre.”_

“ _Si, amigas,”_ Lauren nods earnestly, even though she probably didn’t understand anything else, and hugs Camila back, “ _para siempre_. I don’t know what that means, so I hope it’s good.”

Camila nods reassuringly. “ _Si_ , is good, is good.”

Lauren opens her mouth to say something, but the school bell rings, effectively cutting her off. Camila pouts, because it means she has to go back to class, and _Lauren_ isn’t in her class, which she doesn’t like. “Looks like recess is over! I’ll meet you here at lunch.”

Camila’s stomach flutters again; she gets to see Lauren at lunch! “Okay! Lunch, I see you!”

“ _Si_ , can I-, um,” Lauren blushes, murmuring, “my mami taught me this, too, but… _puedo tomar tu mano,_ Camila? To walk you to class?”

“ _Si_ ,” Camila offers her hand out to Lauren, and the older girl takes it, walking her over to the first grade classroom with a smile. When they reach the door, shyly, the older girl pulls her in for a tight hug, and Camila’s heart pounds against her rib cage, so fast she thinks Lauren can feel it. “ _Adios, Lauren_. Lunch, I see you at.”

“Yeah- I mean, _si_ ,” Lauren smiles, turning to go to her own classroom. “I’ll see you at lunch.”

As Lauren disappears down the hallway to her classroom, Camila stares after her, her stomach getting that weird fluttery feeling again. She makes a mental note to ask her mami about it later, when she asks if Lauren can come over and teach her fingerpainting.

_ Lauren _

She’s nervous, but she doesn’t really know why.

She likes to think that it’s not Camila, because she makes her so happy. Yes, Lauren has friends in her class at school, but she’s never had a _best friend_ , not someone like Camila, and _yes_ , she’s only known her a week, but it doesn’t _feel_ like that.

Lauren had asked her mami about that when she’d begged her for another Spanish lesson, and her mami had commented on how cute she thinks it is that Lauren wants to get better for her new little friend.

“I really like her, mami,” Lauren tried to explain, because it’s different with Camila, she’s not like her other friends, and she doesn’t know _how_ that is. “She makes me feel light, and she’s really pretty! Oh, can you teach me how to say that? So I can tell her I think she’s pretty?”

Clara teaches her the phrases she wants, along with the boring verb stuff that Lauren doesn’t care about, because she doesn’t want to know random words, she wants to know how to talk to Camila without stuttering and saying things wrong.

She thinks she’s learned a lot in the last week, but she puts her anxiety down to the fact that Camila’s family are going to be loads better at Spanish, and she might not know what they mean, and then Camila’s parents won’t want her to make friends with Lauren, and she won’t be allowed to see her again.

Lauren’s heart hurts at the thought. She really, _really_ likes Camila.

Her mami knocks on the front door of the Cabello house, and Lauren bounces on the balls of her feet impatiently. A woman comes to the door, and chats with her mother in Spanish, and Lauren can’t understand what they’re saying, but she hears her name mentioned a few times, and some _Karla_ person, so she assumes that’s the woman’s name, and it doesn’t take her long to realise that it’s Camila’s mami.

“Hallo!” Lauren blurts out, wanting to make a good impression, but then she realises _she’d said the wrong thing._ “Wait, no, I mean, _hola_. Um, _lo siento_.”

The woman laughs, but it’s not a mean laugh, and Lauren is a little comforted when Camila bursts out of the lounge and attacks her in a hug. “ _Hola_ , Lauren! I miss you!”

“I missed you too,” Lauren mumbles into her shoulder, and she calls out a goodbye to her mami when Camila pulls her into the kitchen, pointing excitedly over at the big dining table. Lauren studies it, seeing the newspaper layered across the table’s surface, the different coloured paints and stack of paper. “We’re going to paint?”

“ _Si,_ we paint, you and me,” Camila gestures between the two of them, struggling to pull out one of the big chairs by herself. “You teach.”

“Okay, yeah!” Lauren grins, and jumps on the chair Camila pulls out for her. She eyes up the supplies, and she spreads out a sheet of paper. “What are we gonna paint?”

Camila’s brow furrows, and she looks around the kitchen desperately for something, but comes up short. “Um… you choice.”

 _Easy_ , Lauren thinks with a smile, already picking out the colours based off the colour of Camila’s clothes. “I’m gonna paint you. _Porque… creo que eres hermosa y…_ uh _, me gustas.”_

Camila blushes, looking down at her feet, before she hops up on the same chair as Lauren and puts a tentative arm around her shoulder. “ _Tú también eres bonita,_ Lauren.”

“I- uh, I don’t know what that means,” Lauren admits embarrassedly, “but I know _bonita_ is pretty, because you called me it, the day we met! I asked my mami about it.”

“You pretty,” Camila says simply, and there’s a moment where they just _look_ at each other, before Camila leans in and presses her lips to Lauren’s cheek, and the older girl’s stomach flutters. Nobody outside of her family has ever kissed her before, and even though it was only on the cheek, she desperately wants it to happen again. “Lauren pretty.”

Lauren blinks, and hearing the words in Camila’s accent, in her broken English, just makes her heart warm. Trying her best, no set phrase drilled into her head, she mumbles, “Camila _es preciosa.”_

She doesn’t know if it’s right, doesn’t know if it makes sense, but Camila smiles so widely that Lauren finds it hard to care about anything else. She’s in a little bit of a daze, and she’s so ecstatic that she finally has a best friend, one that holds her hand and calls her pretty, that she doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to be without Camila.

“Um, paint, now,” Camila reaches around her to grab the little palette, squeezing some green onto it. “I paint eyes. Yours eyes.”

“Okay!” Lauren nods excitedly, and she pushes the sheet of paper towards Camila, watching as the younger girl dips her finger in the green paint and starts smearing big green circles across the paper. “Are we- um, best friends?”

“ _Si_ ,” Camila confirms, squeezing out some black paint for the pupils of Lauren’s eyes and smearing it inside the green. It’s messy, and barely circular, but Lauren loves it anyway. Once she’s done that, she pushes the painting over at Lauren and looks up expectantly. “Is good?”

“Yeah, it’s good.” Lauren assures her, leaving Camila’s painting to the side, letting it air dry. She gets her own sheet of paper and starts to paint Camila with her fingers. She does the background first, making the sky a bright and sparkling blue, and smearing the green of the grass across the bottom. “I gotta let that dry first, or I won’t be able to paint you properly. So, um, where did your mami Karla go?”

Camila frowns, and she’s quick to shake her head, laughing a little. “No, no, _me_ Karla. Camila is name two.”

“It’s your middle name?” Lauren guesses that’s what name two means, and Camila nods enthusiastically. “Oh. Do you have any nicknames?”

If anything, Camila looks more confused at that. “No, me _Camila_ , no Nick. _Camila_.”

“No, no,” it’s Lauren’s turn to laugh, but she’s not doing it in a mean way. She thinks it’s so cute, the way Camila misunderstood. “I’m not asking if your name is Nick. A nickname is when a friend shortens your name, and they call you that short version. Like, a lot of people in my class call me Lo, which is short for Lauren.”

“Oh,” Camila thinks for a moment, but shakes her head sadly. “No. I no have nickname.”

“We’ll think of a nickname for each other!” Lauren exclaims, and Camila looks a little baffled, but nods along to the words. “And- and only we’ll be able to use them, nobody else.”

Camila hums, gaze fixed on the ceiling in thought. Before Lauren even has a _chance_ to think of one, Camila announces, “ _Te llamaré…_ Lolo.”

“Um, do you like _Mila_?” Lauren asks, and Camila just looks at her like _really, that’s the best you could come up with?_ “Um… should I think of one for Karla?”

“No,” Camila bluntly replies, before she points at the background Lauren had painted, and it’s dried out quickly. “Paint.”

“Okay, I’ll think about it while I paint,” Lauren promises, and she pulls the paper towards her and starts tracing Camila’s outline with the crème coloured paint; it’s the closest to Camila’s skin tone available, and Lauren isn’t very good at mixing paints yet, and any time she’d tried to do a self-portrait and mix her own skin colour, it ended up a kind of muddy peach, so she’s given up with that.

Camila hums, transfixed as Lauren paints her, head rested on the older girl’s shoulder. Lauren feels weird, but it’s a _good_ kind of weird, so she lets Camila stay there as she works, and when she’s finally done, she thinks it’s her best painting yet. She’s so excited to get her actual brushes for Christmas, and she makes a mental promise that the first thing she paints will be Camila.

“Finished,” Lauren smiles down at the paper. “It’s not dry yet, but… yeah. Do you like it?”

“ _Si,”_ Camila smiles at the picture, dipping her finger in the leftover green paint, “ _es perfecto.”_

Before Lauren can react, Camila dollops paint on the tip of her nose, and she gasps at the cold, pouting and trying to wipe it off with the palm of her hand. “Why did you do that?”

“ _Verde es mi color preferido,”_ Camila draws a line of green across Lauren’s cheek, “ _Verde como tus ojos._ Green is favourite. Like Lauren eyes.”

The corners of Lauren’s mouth tilt up in a smile involuntarily as Camila splatters green across her cheeks. Dipping her own finger in the purple, she leaves a line of that across Camila’s cheek. “My favourite colour is purple. How do I say purple in Spanish?”

“ _Pùpura. Violeta.”_ Camila lists, shrugging and wiping her hands on the newspaper to get the most of the paint off. Lauren copies mimics her. “My favourite colour is green. Like Lauren eyes.”

“ _Violeta es mi color preferido,”_ Lauren repeats Camila’s earlier words, “I think we’re doing really well. Teaching each other. One day, you might be better at English than I am!”

(“ _Hold on, did you just say_ clothes is?” _Twenty year old Camila snorts with laughter at Lauren’s words, “you did_ not _…”_

_“Yeah, my clothes is over there, I need to go fold them so they’re not all wrinkled tomorrow,” Lauren rolls her eyes, trying to break out of Camila’s tight grasp. “Let me go, weirdo.”_

_“It’s_ clothes are _, dumbass,” Camila laughs, unable to believe that Lauren the Grammar Queen had just said_ clothes is _. “Jesus, should I be worried that I’ve been walking around sounding dumb because an idiot who thinks it’s_ clothes is _taught me English?”_

_“It can be both,” Lauren says like that’s not totally wrong, “duh.”_

_It takes half an hour’s worth of argument from both sides for Lauren to finally realise that she_ was _in fact wrong, and reluctantly admit defeat. Camila just grins teasingly, doing a little victory dance as Lauren scowls petulantly. “Looks like the student has become the master.”)_

“ _Si,_ we do good. I try English for…” Camila waves her hand in front of herself as she tries to find the words, eventually settling on, “for time. I try English for time.”

Lauren nods. “Okay. For the rest of the night?”

“ _Si, si,”_ Camila grins, “you know.”

“Maybe- um, you could come to my house soon, and I’ll try and speak Spanish the whole time!” Lauren decides, knowing that she’s going to ask her parents as _soon_ as her mami picks her up tonight. “That would totally help me learn!”

“Okay. I go your house,” Camila accepts her invitation, and pushes herself off the chair, wandering over to the sink and stepping on the little stool brought up to it. She turns the faucet on and starts washing her hands, and Lauren walks over to join her, letting Camila wash the green off her face. Camila’s touches are gentle, like she thinks Lauren is something precious, and she wonders if Camila’s like her, if she’s never had a best friend before, either.

So, she figures there’s no harm in asking. “Camila? Have you ever had a best friend?”

Camila nods enthusiastically. “Si- _yes_. You.”

“No, but, other than me.” Lauren specifies, gently washing the purple from Camila’s cheek. “I have friends in my grade, but I’ve never had a _best_ friend. Have you?”

“You only,” Camila answers, turning the faucet off once Lauren has washed her hands, “you- _ah_ , _especial_.”

“Oh, aw,” Lauren’s stomach feels funny at the words, “you’re special to me, too. Camz.”

Camila pauses as the nickname falls from Lauren’s lips, and after a few moments, a satisfied smile appears. “Camz. Yes, I like.”

“Good,” Lauren is relieved, “my Camz. My best friend in the whole world.”

Camila stands, listening intently, before she repeats, “My Lolo, my best friend in the whole world.”

“Yeah,” Lauren takes her hand and squeezes it, the way she sometimes sees her papi do to her mami. “Just you and me, Camz. That’s the only way I ever want it to be.”

 **GIVING ADVICE (IT’LL PROBABLY BE BAD)  
**_1,962,594 views_ **  
** Camila Cabello -------- SUBSCRIBE: 4.8M ****  
Published May 26, 2017

Camila reads out the next question. “What do you do when someone you care about is closing themselves off from you and drifting away? Do you let them push you away or do you fight for them?”

“I’ve actually been through this myself, and at first, it’s important to ask them if they’re okay, or let them know they have your support. But your personal support and concern can only go so far, and if they’re going through something, sometimes they need to work that out on their own and you just need to show them love and support,” Camila starts, “ _but_ if it starts having a negative effect on you, there’s only so much you can do. Sometimes you might need to let them go, and it’ll be hard, but maybe one day they’ll come back to you. If they’re genuinely, truly someone you’re meant to have in your life, you’ll have them.”

_[Write a comment…]_

**Lauren Jauregui** ‘It’ll probably be bad’ literally every piece of advice you gave was gold, I’m always just like… mAyBe tAkE a nAp!!!  
   **Camila Cabello** in ur defence naps are pretty great  
    **Lauren Jauregui** Anyway I have a question… what do you do when you love your girlfriend so much you think your heart is gonna explode?  
     **Camila Cabello** idk i’ll get back to u i have the same problem rn

  
_liked by_ **keanamarie_, camila_cabello** _and_ **14,569 others  
laurenjauregui: **A pattern in my Instagram is the fact that I never take pictures and immediately post them, I hoard them for months and then when I haven’t posted for a while I have a lil ‘fuck it’ moment and post before I can think about it. I’ve observed that social media is a collection of the best moments of your life, and I’m trying to break that stereotype by posting an old pic I took after smoking a joint when I was stressed af during exam period in December (sorry if my computer illiterate mami sees this). Truth is, I’m a little bit of a mess sometimes and that’s okay because everyone is, no matter how good they are at hiding it.

 **camila_cabello:** ugh kiss me  
   **laurenjauregui:** That can be arranged

 **lucyvives:** is that my dress??  
   **laurenjauregui:** The question you should be asking is ‘WAS that my dress?’, because it isn’t anymore.

 **camilajauregui97:** im just imagining how hot it would be to see you smoke wow

 **camrigrande:** wow we get dragged for pointing out how much of a fucking druggie you are and then you straight up admit it and people are??? praising it???? we don’t want someone like you around camila youll just ruin her good reputation and drag her down you fucking crackhead  
   **camrenupdates:** She smoked one (1) joint, she didn’t snort an entire bucket of cocaine, calm down.  
    **camrianaxlove:** if you have camren or jauregui in your username your opinion on this isn’t valid, sorry for not wanting a drug addict around my fucking idol

 **arianascamila:** ‘After smoking a joint’ WHAT DID WE ALL SAY???  
   **camilajaurello:** She’s twenty years old and if she wants to smoke a fucking joint that’s her choice


	26. 25

**_@CamrianaGrande_ ** _if I was in a room with Jeffrey Dahmer, Adolf Hitler and Lauren Jauregui with a gun and 2 bullets I’d shoot Lauren twice_

**_@ariscabello_ ** _@LaurenJauregui fucking die you crackhead whore_

**_@arianacabello97_ ** _no offence but like drugregui isn’t even actractive idk what c is seeing  
   **@camrenjauregui** @arianacabello97 at least lauren can spell the word attractive_

Camila looks at the tweets, blocking every single person from Lauren’s account; she’d logged into her girlfriend’s twitter through her phone for a ‘make Lauren do things’ segment in her video this week, and she’d never logged out. When she’d gone onto the account to do just that, she saw the tweets from her fans and she’s been obsessively reading them since. She doesn’t understand how they can’t seem to get it through their heads that who Camila is in love with is _her_ business, not something they can control, and how the hell they think it’s acceptable to say all of these things to her wonderful girlfriend. There are other kinds of tweets, positive ones which definitely outweigh the negative, but she knows that it’s so hard to focus on the positive when people are essentially sending _death threats._

Camila blocks the fans from Lauren’s account, and she knows that there’s been a lot _more_ hate in the last week or so, since Lauren had casually put in an Instagram caption that she smoked a joint. Camila didn’t think anything of it, until she saw the _Camriana_ fans in the comments, acting like Lauren had just killed a man. Lauren insisted that it hadn’t bothered her, but Camila knows it _had_ , because she’s barely seen her in the last week, and any time she _has_ seen her, Lauren’s smiles always seem forced.

If there’s one thing she knows about Lauren, it’s that she can be very guarded and closed off when something is bothering her, mostly if she knows the thing that’s upsetting her could upset someone else if she voiced those concerns. It’s not like Camila even needs _telling_ ; she knows that the _Camriana_ fans and the constant stream of hate is getting to her, and Lauren is just too nice to actually say _hey, your fans are upsetting me._

She goes onto her own account and knows that the tweet she’s going to write will be ridiculously long, and decides to leave the fans she’d blocked from Lauren’s account _unblocked_ on her own just so they’ll see this message. She switches to her notes app in her phone and starts to write, letting everything out, all of the upset and disapproval, because this is affecting her, too. With the way Lauren has been acting over the last week, she’s been increasingly worried that Lauren will decide that being with her isn’t worth the trouble, and the fans will drive her away for good.

She gets so upset at the thought, and as she screenshots her note and goes to post it, she gets a little distracted by a hashtag some of her _other fans_ are posting.

**_@ljcabello_ ** _i think the camriana shippers forget that not only is camila a real person with feelings but so is lauren. real life isn’t about ships, and C has basically been glowing with happiness since she met L and all of this hatred over the last week especially because of a JOINT L smoked in DECEMBER is fucking ridiculous. i understand if u don’t ship it but it’s not like they’re fictional characters, they’re real people, don’t send hate at them or send fucking DEATH THREATS to lauren??? she’s done nothing but be good to camila and make her happy, get the fuck over yourselves and leave her alone. #LaurenIsOurPrincess_

**_@camrenjauregui_ ** _I met Lauren and Camila like 2 months ago and while they were both so sweet, Lauren was literally one of the nicest people I’ve ever met and she doesn’t deserve any of this bullshit. #LaurenIsOurPrincess_

**_@cabellojauregui1997_ ** _#LaurenIsOurPrincess just look at one of C’s videos before she started dating Lauren and then look at one after and u can see the difference… she is the happiest ive ever seen her and Lauren did that @LaurenJauregui thank you for making our girl happy!!_

Camila’s smile grows as she reads the post, and she tweets the screenshots of the message in her notes app, then screenshotting these lovely tweets and sending them to Lauren via text. Then, she looks through the replies to her own tweet, her heart growing warm at how they’re 99% supportive.

**_@Camila_Cabello_ ** _this is directed at the tiny 5% of fans who can’t seem to understand that my relationship isn’t something you can control. this shouldn’t even need to be said but i am completely fucking sick and tired of the people sending hate at the woman that i love. this isn’t about shipping and fandom, we’re real people and it’s starting to take a toll on both of us. you claim you’re sending hate to her for ME, like you’re doing me some kind of favour, like you’re ‘protecting’ me, but in reality, you’re doing the opposite. if you hurt her, you hurt me, and between you and her, i’d pick her any day. if this keeps happening, all that you’re gonna get out of it is a block, because the moment i see anyone calling her names, telling her to die, or mocking drug addiction and trauma, i’m pressing that block button. i don’t care if you’ve been here ‘since the beginning’, because lauren has been here for me since i was six. i don’t care if it’s your shipping preference, you know i have always understood and embraced that kind of thing, but there’s a line and a lot of you are crossing it. just stop it, because the only thing that hating on my girlfriend is going to achieve is making you look like an awful person._

**_@Camila_Cabello_ ** _#LaurenIsOurPrincess_

She doesn’t know if Lauren has seen it; she hadn’t read Camila’s texts yet, but she hopes that this is good enough. She doesn’t know if she could handle it if Lauren felt like she couldn’t handle it and left her, because even though she’s been smiling all week, Camila can tell that it’s fake.

Knowing that she’s on bypass, she calls Lauren, and as always, she picks up quickly. “ _Hi.”_

“ _Hola, mi amor_ ,” Camila smiles at the husky voice on the line, “what’re you doing right now?”

“ _Reading and snuggling with Dash. I picked up a good crime novel yesterday, I’m halfway through it and I think I have an idea of who the killer is.”_ Lauren comments, “ _Is something wrong? Do you need me?”_

“Can I come over?” Camila asks, bracing herself for the _no_ she’d gotten the last time she asked. “It’s okay if you’re busy, but…”

“ _Of course you can_ ,” Lauren assures her, and Camila lets out a sigh of relief, pushing herself off her bed. She knows how much she needs Lauren right now. _“Is something wrong, though?”_

Camila worries her bottom lip between her teeth. “Can I tell you when I get there?”

“ _Okay_ , _as long as it’s not something super important,”_ Lauren answers, _“shall I get two hot chocolates ready?”_

Camila laughs lightly, shaking her head before she realises Lauren can’t see her. “Isn’t it too hot for that? And no, it’s not super important, I just want to be with you.”

 _“It’s never too hot for hot chocolate. Besides, my mom always tells me that drinking hot drinks in hot weather can cool you down,”_ Lauren proclaims like it’s fact, _“I don’t know where she got that statement from, because she_ also _says that about drinking hot drinks in_ cold _weather, but still. Hot chocolate is comforting and mine is the_ best _, so…”_

“Alright, fine, make your amazing hot chocolate,” Camila laughs, “I’ll pick up some snacks on my way over. Mostly for me, because you know what I’m like with food.”

 _“See you soon, Camz,”_ Lauren says, and Camila really hopes that when she sees her, she’s as bright and smiley as usual. “ _I love you.”_

“I love you too,” Camila murmurs, and when she hears the three beeps that indicate Lauren has hung up, she drops her phone with a sigh. She loves her so much, and she knows she’s hurting. She hates that; that her career is hurting the love of her life, even if Lauren is much too good to her to say anything.

She gets ready, not bothering to pack any pyjamas in case Lauren _doesn’t_ want her to stay over or if she’s working tonight, and then asks her mom for a ride as she’s heading out to the grocery store. Camila is quiet and contemplative on the drive, worried about her girlfriend and hoping her eyes will be brighter today.

When she’s dropped off outside of Lauren’s house, she walks up the driveway, noting that only Lauren’s car is parked, which means her parents are definitely out – it _is_ a weekday after all, and the high school Clara teaches at hasn’t finished for summer yet. She knocks on the front door, waiting on the porch for a few minutes as Dash barks, and she’s almost starting to get worried that Lauren isn’t going to answer when the door swings open.

“Hey, sorry,” Lauren sends her an apologetic smile, “I was getting dressed.”

“Oh, you didn’t have to get dressed for me,” Camila says as she passes by her girlfriend to get into the house. She quickly plasters on a teasing grin and adds, “I’d actually prefer it if you _weren’t_ wearing clothes at all.”

“Okay, pervert,” Lauren laughs, and so far, Camila thinks she’s okay, “hot chocolate is ready and waiting in the kitchen, by the way. I got halfway through making it and then realised I was literally in a unicorn onesie so I had to go make myself at least slightly presentable.”

“Oh my god, I would’ve found the onesie adorable,” Camila jumps up from the floor once she’s taken her shoes off, and immediately wraps her arms around Lauren’s waist, pulling her in for a kiss. She feels Lauren’s arms around the back of her neck and she smiles into the kiss, loving the way it never gets old; kissing Lauren always gives her the same amount of butterflies no matter how many times they do it. “Okay, _that_ was a lovely welcome. Hi.”

Lauren meets her gaze with a small smile, and all Camila can see in her eyes is happiness. “Hey.”

Camila just looks at her, taking in her beauty, holding her close, until the moment is finally broken by Dash barking and making Lauren jump. Camila snorts. “You just got scared by a _dachshund.”_

“Shut up, I wasn’t expecting it,” Lauren rolls her eyes, giving Camila another quick, innocent kiss before she breaks out of her hold and pulls her towards the kitchen by the wrist. “It’s going to be _lukewarm_ chocolate at this point, but the _Harry Potter_ mug is yours. I made it extra chocolatey.”

“Hey, yeah, why the fuck do you like hot chocolate if you don’t like _regular_ chocolate, you weirdo,” Camila crinkles her nose in disgust as she picks up her mug from the counter and takes a sip. “That’s like, not logical.”

“I make mine a little milkier, so it’s like… a _hint_ of chocolate, and not an aggressive amount like yours, loser,” Lauren sips her own drink and leans back against the counter, fixing her with more of a serious look. “Are you going to tell me whatever it was you wanted to tell me?”

“I just… wanted to see if you were okay.” Camila hedges. “You’ve been looking kind of… sad. The last few times we’ve hung out, anyway. I think you forget that I can read you really well and a couple of smiles isn’t going to convince me.”

Lauren breaks eye contact and looks anywhere but Camila, letting out a small sigh. “I’ve been better, but I’ve also been _worse_ , so I don’t think it’s anything to worry about.”

“You’d tell me, wouldn’t you? If it were me,” Camila says, leaving the _or my fans_ unspoken, “if there’s something bothering you and I can fix it, I need you to tell me.”

Lauren looks up and meets her gaze again, taking another sip of her drink before putting it down and walking over to Camila, pulling her in for a kiss. “I’m okay. Trust me.”

Camila looks into her eyes, and she can’t find any evidence that Lauren might be lying. “Alright. But you _would_ talk to me, right? Even if you thought it might upset me?”

“Sure,” Lauren nods, and Camila doesn’t notice the way her gaze flits away and she swallows the lump of guilt in her throat. “Anyway, what’s the plan for the rest of the day? Do you want to go somewhere? Do something fun?”

Ignoring the questions entirely, Camila blurts out, “did you see the texts I sent you? The screenshots? The fans are trying to trend that hashtag…”

Lauren raises her eyebrow inquisitively, pulling her phone from her back pocket. “I haven’t, I’ve been reading, remember?”

“Oh, well, I think it’s really cute,” Camila says as Lauren unlocks her phone and reads the messages, “don’t you?”

She’s relieved when the corners of Lauren’s mouth tug up in a small smile. “Yeah. It’s cute. Anyway, are you going to answer my question?”

“The plan for the rest of the day is making out on your couch,” Camila says, draining her mug in one go and pointing back towards the lounge. “Go on, get in there.”

Lauren rolls her eyes, but finishes her drink and grabs Camila’s hand. “We’re _not_ making out on the couch when my parents could stroll in at any minute. My _bedroom_ , though…”

Camila smirks, pulling her closer by the waist. “Don’t you like the risk?”

“Alright, you voyeuristic weirdo.” Lauren shoots back, and she melts into another kiss, Camila pushing her back against the kitchen counter. She gasps when Camila’s lips find their way to her neck, fingers tangling in the younger girl’s hair. “Jesus, Camz…”

“Whoa, don’t use his name in vain or you’ll like, go to hell or something,” Camila gets out between kisses, “then again, we’re probably going to hell anyway, so fuck it, do what you want.”

Lauren stops her as Camila’s hands start to wander under her shirt. “Okay, not appropriate for the kitchen.”

Camila smirks, but respects Lauren’s boundaries and stops. “Okay, okay. So… your bedroom?”

She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively, and Lauren laughs, but snuggles her face into Camila’s neck and melts into a hug. “No, I want to do something. But I’m totally down for it later. Do you want to take Dash out with me?”

Camila just holds her girlfriend for a few moments, kissing the top of her head. “Sure. A nice walk, and then a hot shower.”

Again, Camila wiggles her eyebrows suggestively, and Lauren sends her a knowing grin in response as she heads over to the cupboard where all of Dash’s things are. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Camila smiles, watching as the little dachshund comes running at the sound of his leash being pulled out of a cupboard. “And, hey, if I’m ever too forward, just tell me, okay? I seriously never want to make you uncomfortable, I just love seeing you underneath me.”

“Don’t talk like that around my son,” Lauren rolls her eyes, hooking Dash up to his leash. “But for the record, I totally love seeing you on top of me.”

Camila snorts. “Wow, don’t even try to act like you’re the top?”

“Oh, I’m definitely not, so why should I pretend?” Lauren laughs, grabbing her by the hand as she walks back out into the hallway and slips her shoes on. “Come on. I’ll even let you pick the direction we walk in.”

As Camila pulls her shoes on, she lets out a quiet, thankful sigh. Lauren is fine, and _their relationship_ is fine. She doesn’t even know why she was worried. Nothing at all could come between them; they’ve been through so much worse than just a bunch of dumb fifteen year olds on the internet.

-

Lauren quickly grabs a towel to dry her hair as she steps out of the shower, three new hickeys across her neck. A smirking Camila steps out next, drying herself off and pulling Lauren into a kiss by her chin. “ _That_ was exquisite. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go blab about everything for my vlog.”

Lauren rolls her eyes as Camila grabs her clothes from the floor and walks out of Lauren’s bathroom, back into her room. Admittedly, she relaxes a little when her girlfriend is gone; Lauren always has to act extra hard to reassure Camila that she’s okay, since the younger girl can read her like an open book.

As she dries herself off, Lauren’s mind drifts back to the things she’d seen, the things people had _commented_ on her Instagram. In a way, she knows that Camila knows, after their whole talk this morning, but Lauren can’t tell her that it makes her uncomfortable. So, as a _compromise_ of sorts, she’d turned the comments off on that post and blocked the negative commenters. Of course, that doesn’t erase the memory of their words from her mind, but at least she can’t go back and obsess over them.

She knows why it bothers her; she couldn’t care less about the comments calling her ugly, because she knows she’s not. But with the comments that say she’s a bad influence, that she doesn’t deserve Camila, that all she is is some _drug addict_ , there’s a part of her that believes it’s true. Rationally, she knows she’s over all of that, and she tries to tell herself how she got closure with Brad, but then she remembers that she’d _wanted_ to deal for money because she feels inadequate and not good enough for Camila, and that just brings her completely full circle. So she just sits, silently agreeing with the comments.

 _You’re just going to end up hurting her,_ the devil on her shoulder tells her, _break it off with her now, it’ll hurt less._

Lauren shakes that thought from her head. _Breaking up with her would hurt her._ _We’re happy._

 _Are you_? Her anxieties taunt her. _You haven’t been happy for weeks. You were fine before you ran into her again. You didn’t have to think about your past, but now you do, because of Camila and her fans constantly bringing it up and calling you names._

Guiltily, she actually agrees with the thought. In a way, her worries are right; she never had to think about her past, the drugs, dealing, _any_ of it until she ran into Camila. She’d never wanted to deal, and the only reason she felt like she wanted to was because of how much Camila has.

_Maybe it’s not good for you, to be with someone who affects you so much. Break it off with her._

_No_ , Lauren pushes the thought away. She can’t do that. She doesn’t have the strength to let Camila go, because she loves her with everything she has. Camila is her _home_ , and she can’t just completely demolish it.

“Are you going to come out here or what?”

Lauren jumps at the sound of her girlfriend’s voice, pulling her out of those horrible thoughts. She goes to run a hand through her hair, but it’s wet and tangled, so she placates herself by rubbing the material of the fluffy towel around her shoulders between her thumb and forefinger, the way she used to do with Nala’s tail fur when she was little until it all wore away.

“Yeah, sorry,” She calls in reply, quickly towel-drying her dripping hair and walking out of the bathroom to get into some fresh clothes – aka pyjamas. She’s grabbing a pair of panties out of her drawer when Camila walks up behind her, hands caressing the curves of Lauren’s body until she wraps her arms around her waist and rests her chin on her shoulder.

“You,” Camila pauses to kiss her shoulder, “are the most beautiful human being on the planet, and I now forbid you to ever wear clothes again.”

Lauren laughs a little at the joke, but she’s more focused on the horrible thoughts buzzing through her mind. _I can’t be with you anymore. It’s not you, it’s me. I’m sick of your stupid fucking fans bringing up the fact that I used to have an addiction and honestly I can’t deal with it anymore._

But when she turns around to face Camila, she just smiles, watching as the younger girl’s gentle brown gaze takes in every inch of her so appreciatively and with so much love.

Instead of voicing her worries like Camila had encouraged her to do earlier, she just hums, “Alright, fine, but only in this bedroom, and _you_ can’t wear clothes either.”

“Cute that you think you can boss me around,” Camila bops her on the nose and Lauren almost melts, “but sure. Come on, your bed is super comfy and I’ve heard that naked cuddles after sex is good for intimacy or something. I don’t know, any relationship stuff I know about is what I heard from Dinah.”

Camila’s words give Lauren an idea, but she can’t execute it until Camila goes home. She follows her girlfriend over to her bed, grabs Nala, and snuggles up next to Camila, throwing her arm over her bare torso protectively. “Are you sleeping over tonight?”

“That depends on if you’re even _here_ tonight,” Camila replies, “I’m not staying if you’re working, because there’s no point, you won’t be here. But if you’re not…”

Realising her escape route, Lauren nods. “I am. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, mi amor.” Camila smiles, kissing the top of her head. “How about a power nap together? That could like, be a _short_ version of me sleeping over.”

Hating how Camila had believed her instantly, Lauren swallows her guilt and flashes her a smile. “Of course, babe.”

“I love it when you use pet names, _princesa_ ,” Camila grins, wrapping her arms around Lauren and holding her tight. “Fuck, you’re everything to me. I don’t know how I ever lived without you for so many years, because now it’s like, I go five minutes without seeing you and I get sad.”

Closing her eyes and nuzzling against Camila, Lauren pushes any doubts out of her mind. That’s not what she wants to think about. For now, she just wants to snuggle with her love and _not_ think.

She lets Camila hold her until she decides to go home and let Lauren rest before _work_ , which she’s not actually going to, and she feels so fucking guilty for lying about it, but she kisses Camila goodbye, and if she senses something is wrong, she doesn’t voice her concern.

When Camila leaves, Lauren texts two people. The first, Lucy, asking if she can go over there later, and the second, someone she’s texted a total of three messages to since she’d acquired their number. Dinah Jane Hansen.

**_Lauser (8:25PM): This might seem totally weird and out of the blue and you’re definitely allowed to say no, but is it okay if I call you? There’s something I need to talk about and I don’t know who else will understand._ **

She doesn’t expect anything from the message, and when her phone buzzes after around fifteen minutes, she figures it’s just Lucy saying she can come over, but it’s actually a response from Dinah.

**_Dinah Jane (8:42PM): Sure lol ft me_ **

She’s surprised to say the least, but she calls the younger girl, her image popping up on Lauren’s phone screen. Of course, she’s in full glam and looks gorgeous, and Lauren is there in her pyjamas, but she tries not to care. She has more pressing matters to attend to.

 _“So, what is it that you need to talk to me about that Camila won’t understand?”_ Dinah asks immediately, and Lauren wonders if she’d made the right call here. Maybe she should’ve just spoken to Lucy. _“Because I’m pretty sure Walz knows you better than I do_.”

“It’s not really about me. Or, well, it _is_ , but… I’m having… thoughts,” Lauren paces across her bedroom, wondering how she’s going to get this out without Dinah immediately running to Camila and blabbing. “How have you- like, in past relationships – how have they handled it? Like, your boyfriend or whatever. How have they handled the pressure from your fans?”

 _“Okay, I see what this is about,”_ Dinah clocks on pretty easily, _“It’s freaking you out, isn’t it? And I don’t blame you, honestly, I’ve seen some of the comments and the tweets from all the Camriana fans, but if you’re getting second thoughts about being with Mila, try to push them away. Breaking up with her isn’t going to make them go away. My ex Siope broke up with me because of the Norminah shippers, and he still gets people leaving comments on his stuff to this day.”_

If anything, that makes her feel worse. “You’re telling me they’re _never_ going to leave me alone?”

 _“Probably not, no,”_ Dinah tells her casually, like it’s the easiest thing in the world, to have people coming onto your Instagram posts, mocking you, mocking something you’ve struggled with, making you feel so small. _“But that block button was invented for a reason, girl.”_

“But I feel like for every one account I block, another _ten_ sprout up out of nowhere.” Lauren sighs, flopping back on her bed, the emptiness in her chest even more prominent. “It just seems easier to give them what they want. To leave Camila alone. Because they’re probably right, she’d be better off without me, better with someone on her level.”

 _“On her level?”_ Dinah frowns. _“What do you even mean? Look, all I’m saying is breaking up with her just to get away from them isn’t going to work, and all it’s going to do is make both you and her heartbroken. I don’t want that. Mila is happier than I’ve ever seen her and I know she makes you feel exactly the same way.”_

“She does, but… but the effect is ruined a little when her fans are telling me to go kill myself,” Lauren lets out a sigh, grabbing Nala and cuddling the lion to her chest. “I just don’t know what to do.”

 _“Well, the first thing you need to do is talk to her, because she’s been worried about you for a while,”_ Dinah points out, and Lauren’s throat closes over at the thought, _“She won’t be upset with you-”_

“What if she is?” Lauren interrupts, biting down on her bottom lip, “I know she always tells me I can talk to her about anything, but what if there’s a line? I mean, these are her _fans_ , and what if she chooses them over me?”

Dinah actually _laughs_ at the question. _“Girl, she’d choose you over anyone. Have you seen the way she looks at you?”_

 _She has a point_ , rational, inner Lauren argues. But the insecurities take over fast. “But they’ve been there for her through everything. I’m just-”

“ _You’re her whole world,”_ Dinah interrupts her, _“Mila has never loved anyone the way she loves you. Don’t fuck that up just because of some idiots on the internet. Talk to her, okay?”_

After a few moments of silent worry, Lauren finally lets out a long sigh. “Okay. You’re right. I should talk to her. Thanks, Dinah.”

 _“No worries, Ralph,”_ Dinah smiles, and when Lauren raises her eyebrows questioningly, she elaborates, “ _Like Ralph Lauren? Don’t look at me like that, it’s more creative than_ Camz _.”_

“Shut up, I was seven,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “and- uh, thank you for being there for her. When I wasn’t.”

Dinah grins. _“No worries. Anyway, I have to go, but promise me you’ll talk to Mila?”_

Lauren doesn’t even think about it, she’s nodding immediately. “Yeah. I’ll talk to her.”

 _“Good. Later, Lauser.”_ Dinah waves before hanging up, and when her image disappears, Lauren drops her phone to the side and tries to clear her head.

She promises herself she’ll talk to Camila. She’ll go over there right now, no matter how terrified she is, and talk. She’s dead set on that plan when her phone buzzes and she reads the text from Lucy.

**_Lucy (9:01PM): sure you can come over but i’m going out to get some shots for insta… could use a photographer instead of my shitty camera timer but could take some pics together too???_ **

Almost immediately, Lauren texts back.

**_Laur (9:02PM): Of course. Could use the distraction. Be at your place in fifteen?_ **

And with that, Lauren falls back into her old habits. Avoidance, avoidance, avoidance.

 **MY SUBSCRIBERS CONTROL MY LIFE (AND LAUREN’S TOO)**  
_2,947,587 views_  
Camila Cabello ------- SUBSCRIBE: 4.9M  
Published Jun 2, 2017

“What’re you doing?”

Camila spins around, meeting Lauren’s amused gaze as she holds a razor up to her eyebrow. “My subscribers control my life for today’s video, and one of them wants me to shave my eyebrows off.”

“Okay, not doing that,” Lauren pries the razor from her grip and throws it aside, “are you insane?”

“Maybe? Hey! Log me into your Twitter,” Camila announces, already holding out her phone with the app ready, “They can control _you_ now, too.”

_[Write a comment…]_

**camren jauregui** I’m so soft for Lauren… the way she looks at Camila i-  
**cabellojauregui1997** ugh I know #LaurenIsOurPrincess

 **grande cabello** are we ever going to get a video without lauren’s ugly ass

  
_liked by_ **lucyvives, normani** _and_ **11,487 others  
laurenjauregui: **Went out for some late night photoshooting with my fav **@lucyvives.** You always know how to cheer me up, thank you for being the best friend I could ask for.

 **camila_cabello:** *ahem* who am i then????  
   **normani:** Now you know how Ally, Dinah and I feel huh???

 **camila_cabello:** also did u just skip work or something… am i gonna have to call the cops  
   **laurenjauregui:** No lol they called and said they didn’t need me in

 **cabelloari:** Why can’t you date this girl instead of our mila??? Fucking crackhead  
    **lucyvives:** why can’t you assholes get off my best friend’s page and leave her the fuck alone??? fucking cunts


	27. 26

Camila feels like it’s 2012 again.

Lauren is avoiding her. She had been avoiding her before, but it’s like it’s getting worse over the last few weeks.

_Want to go see a movie?_

_No, sorry, Camz. I’m busy._

_Want to come over?_

_Sorry, Camz. Family time._

_Want to spend any time at all with your girlfriend?_

_Sorry, Camila. I can’t._

It’s the same response, and the thing is, she doesn’t even _seem_ sorry about it. It’s deliberate avoidance, and Camila knows it’s all going to boil over into some kind of argument. She just hopes against all hope that it’s not going to be like the one that ended up with them not speaking for four years.

She hasn’t felt as bad as she feels for _years_ , and it’s what makes her wonder if she and Lauren are good together. Sure, they’re good together when Lauren is in a good place, but when she’s not, she avoids Camila for long periods of time and refuses to open up when Camila wants to help.

It’s all too familiar.

 _“Look, would you_ please _talk to me?”_

 _“I’m talking to you right now, would_ you _please mind your own fucking business?” Lauren snaps at her, slamming her locker shut, “just leave me alone, Camila.”_

_“Why won’t you just tell me the truth?” Camila argues, grabbing Lauren’s wrist and pulling the sleeve of her sweater up, exposing the angry red marks up her arm. “I know what you’re doing and-”_

_“And it’s none of your business,” Lauren pulls her sleeve down and sends her that deadly glare, “now leave me the fuck alone.”_

_“How many drugs are you on right now?” Camila persists, following as Lauren stalks down the corridor. She grabs her by the arm, and Lauren shoves her against the lockers,_ hard _. “Just talk to me! You know I’d never judge you! I just want to help.”_

_“Fuck you. It’s my body and my choice.” Lauren snarls. “Don’t talk to me again.”_

_She doesn’t make an effort to; Lauren is the one that shows up at her house later that night, high out of her mind and kissing her hungrily. She leaves just as fast as she shows up, off to some party and out with people she shouldn’t be with, and when Camila texts her that night, to ask if she’s safe and okay, Lauren reads her message and doesn’t reply._

She knows it’s not like that now, but it _feels_ like it. She feels like that little fifteen year old who felt so abandoned by her best friend, but it’s ten times _worse_ because she knows that Lauren is the love of her life, and that she’s her _person_ , and being without her feels like there’s a hole in her chest.

She knows Lauren won’t come over if she asks. She’ll just say she’s busy. That means Camila has to go there in person, and as she heads out of the front door and sets off walking, she finds herself wishing she’d learnt to drive.

There’s this horrible feeling in her gut as she walks, like she’s taking her last walk along death row, the executioner waiting eagerly. If she’s having some kind of premonition, she feels like the only possible outcome of her oncoming confrontation would be an argument and a break up, and that’s something she desperately doesn’t want.

But she’s _not_ that little fifteen year old anymore. She won’t just sit back and let Lauren avoid her and treat her like she’s nothing just because she can’t bear to lose her. No, she’s not just going to grit her teeth and continue being miserable. This is a talk that has to happen. Just like all the times it had to happen back in 2012, and all the times they both avoided it.

_“You should let me do more.”_

_“No,” Camila gets out, pushing Lauren back, wishing she could pull away, but there’s nowhere to go. Lauren has her pinned against her bed, lips roughly pulling at the skin on her neck, leaving heated red marks like the ones littered up Lauren’s arm. “I don’t- I don’t want my first time to be like…”_

_“Like what?” Lauren mumbles against her skin, “It’s_ me _. Thought you’d had a crush on me forever.”_

 _“I have, but…”_ but you’re not you, _Camila finishes in her head,_ you’re on god knows how many drugs and you’re not my best friend anymore, _“I’m not ready.”_

_She feels Lauren sigh against her, and the older girl is the one to push off from the bed, checking her hair over in Camila’s mirror before turning to the door. “Alright then. That’s fine. Later.”_

_“Wait- where are you going?” Camila frowns. “Can’t you stay? It’s- it’s Friday, we haven’t had a sleepover in forever, and-”_ and maybe when you come down from your high you’ll be my best friend again, “ _and I’m… lonely.”_

_Lauren doesn’t look at her, hand toying with the handle on Camila’s bedroom door. “Exactly, it’s Friday. There’s a party, I’m going to that.”_

_“Please don’t go, Lauren,” Camila pushes herself off from her bed and slowly approaches the older girl, easily seeing how tense she is. Slowly, gently, she takes her hand, and presses a soft kiss to her cheek. “Please. Stay here with me, and maybe- maybe we can just pretend that things aren’t… as messed up as they are.”_

_Lauren blinks at her, like the words won’t sink in, and there’s a spark of hope in Camila’s chest. She almost looks like she’s considering it. “Stay?”_

_“Yeah,” Camila nods earnestly, “Stay here, don’t go out with your friends, I know you’ll end up taking something and-”_

_She knows she’s said the wrong thing the moment it slips out. Lauren rips her hand from Camila’s grip and whirls around on her, “how many times do I have to tell you that what I do is none of your fucking business?”_

_As Lauren stalks out of the door, Camila feels whatever’s left of her heart shatter._

She steps onto the porch and out of the memory, squeezing her eyes shut, holding the tears back. She can’t cry. She needs to be strong and assertive and tell Lauren what she wants. She needs to tell her _hey, you’ve avoided me for almost a month and it’s not cool._

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she knocks on the front door, waiting for an answer. It’s a while before one comes, and for a minute, Camila starts to second guess herself; maybe Lauren genuinely is busy, maybe she’s just been asking to hang out at the wrong times, but she pushes that doubt out of her mind. No, if Lauren wasn’t avoiding her, she would’ve made an effort herself, asking when _Camila_ is free. Not this constant chasing on Camila’s end.

Just as she’s about to turn around and leave, the front door opens, and she meets a pair of dull, empty grey eyes, like the sky before a storm, and her stomach drops. _She’s high, she’s been using again and you didn’t even notice, you fucking idiot!_

Lauren clears her throat, and lets out a raspy, “Hi.”

That’s when Camila _really_ looks at her. Of course, her eyes are sad and empty, but that’s when she notices the red tear tracks down her girlfriend’s pale cheeks, and she pulls her into a hug without thinking. “ _Princesa.”_

She kicks the front door shut behind her as she holds Lauren tight, trying to convey the words _I love you, can’t you see how much I fucking care about you_ , and she hopes to god that Lauren understands.

But then, the older girl pulls away, and she looks at her almost contemptuously. “What are you doing here?”

“Um, I’m your girlfriend and I’m checking that you’re alright?” Camila emphasises, trying to add the _obviously_ without actually saying it. “What else am I supposed to do when you keep dodging my calls and avoiding me?”

“I’m not avoiding you,” Lauren petulantly replies, “I’m busy.”

“Oh, you’re _busy?”_ Camila snaps sarcastically. “Didn’t realise that curling up in your bed and crying was so time consuming.”

Lauren looks down at her feet, studying her lion slippers with newfound interest. “Never said I was doing that.”

“You’re in pyjamas, there are obvious tear tracks on your cheeks and your eyes aren’t bright, it’s not hard to tell,” Camila observes, reaching out and taking her hand, waiting for Lauren to recoil. “ _Talk to me_. That’s what I’m here for. I fucking _promised_ you that you could tell me anything, talk to me about anything, and I wouldn’t get mad at you.”

Lauren keeps whatever vow of silence she’s clearly decided to take, because she just looks up at Camila hopelessly, so the younger girl takes the initiative.

She tugs her down the hallway to her bedroom, fingers locked firmly between her girlfriend’s, squeezing her hand comfortingly at regular intervals. “Come on. Even if you just need to cuddle right now and you don’t want to talk, I know you still need me.”

She pushes open Lauren’s bedroom door, leads her girlfriend over to her messy, unmade bed, and gently tucks her in, leaving her fuzzy lion slippers by the door. “I’m going to steal some pyjamas and I’m going to hold you until you’re ready to talk to me. Okay?”

Lauren just nods, cuddling Nala to her chest, and Camila kisses her forehead before finding some pyjamas to change into and quickly getting into bed next to Lauren. She pulls the older girl into her arms, and cradles her, holds her until Lauren finally seems to drift off.

Once _that_ happens, she tries her best to get up without disturbing her, with a plan of making them both a hot chocolate before they talk. She’s just out of the bed and creeping to the door when Lauren sits bolt upright and looks at her with so much hurt. “Stay with me.”

Camila smiles, and easily gets back into bed, letting Lauren snuggle up to her again. “I’ll always stay with you.”

She’s quiet, just listening to Lauren’s breaths, running her fingers through her hair and pressing kisses to the top of her head, when the older girl finally mumbles, “I’m sorry for avoiding you. Because I was, you were right.”

“It’s okay, _princesa_ ,” Camila assures her, “all is forgiven. Are you going to tell me _why_?”

Lauren hides her face in Camila’s neck, but the younger girl still hears her. “I- do I have to?”

“You don’t _have_ to, no. But it’d be great if you did. Communication is the only way to have a successful relationship, and… you know, I want our relationship to be successful.” Camila says like it’s obvious. “Like I’ve said; you can talk to me about _anything_ , baby. I promise.”

“Look, I just…” Lauren pulls back from her, but her arms still stay firmly around Camila’s middle, “I know I can talk to you, but I don’t know if I can talk to you about _this_.”

“I told you _anything_ ,” Camila argues, kissing her forehead in reassurance. “ _Please_ just talk to me. Avoiding me just hurts us both.”

“I- _fine_ ,” Lauren sighs, meeting Camila’s gaze, and there’s so much pain in her eyes that it breaks her heart, “It’s really fucking getting to me. The things your fans are saying. It’s like- they keep bringing things up that just _force_ me to relive the worst years of my life and I’m sick of it and I just want them to leave me alone.”

Camila’s face sinks into a frown; she’d had an inkling, but she always assumed that Lauren could handle it, that she understood that they were just idiots online and that they didn’t matter. Especially because they’ve already spoken about this and communicated. “Baby… I mean, I’m not surprised, but why didn’t you feel like you could talk to me?”

“Because the only way they’re going to leave me alone is if I leave _you_ alone,” tears are shining in Lauren’s eyes now, “and I don’t _want_ to do that, but I also don’t want to have to think about- about all of that. And I’m scared that- that now that I’ve _said_ that, you’ll pick them over me.”

Camila shakes her head, pulling Lauren closer and running her fingers through her hair. “Baby… I would never. You’re… you’re everything to me, and I’d pick you any day. You are the love of my life, and I’m not going to let some idiots on the internet ruin the best thing I’ve got. I’m going to make it stop.”

Lauren sighs, resting her head against Camila’s chest and squeezing her eyes shut to stop the tears from falling, but a single one rolls down a pale cheek. “ _How?_ You’ve already asked them to stop, but they haven’t. And they _won’t_ ever unless we break up-”

“We are _not_ breaking up,” Camila shakes her head, but her heart is pounding out of her chest with anxiety. If Lauren dumps her here and now, there’s nothing she can do about it. “Look, we’ve blocked people, right? And- and I know, I’ll introduce you to them. Properly. I want you to make a video on my channel. By yourself. I’ll edit, but I want you to just… film a day in your life and just be yourself, and if they don’t like you after _that_ then they’re just hating on you for the sake of it. And- I mean, some of them… they’re never going to like you, but that’s just because they’re caught up in ships and fandom, which doesn’t last forever. They’ll grow out of that, and then… then all that will be left are supporters!”

Lauren immediately shakes her head. “I don’t know about that, Camz…”

“No, trust me!” Camila announces. “I really think it’ll help, and if it doesn’t, then you can say _I told you so_. But I think it’ll be good for them to get to know you properly. Because I can’t see why anyone who _knows_ you would hate you, since you’re so amazing and all that.”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip. “Can I think about it? Just… I don’t want to be thinking about any of this when my birthday is coming up, I just want to forget about it all. About my past, about your audience… any of it. I just want to pretend like it’s not happening. And it’s not even just _that_.”

Camila blinks. “Well, what else is it? Nobody has said anything in _person_ , have they?”

“No, it’s not the fans, it’s… it’s you, kind of,” Lauren sighs, running a hand through her hair, and Camila tries to ignore the way anxiety is building in her chest.

She keeps a brave face on. “It’s _me_?”

“Yeah, but not like, in a _bad_ way, and you’ll think it’s so stupid, but…” Lauren runs a hand through her hair and meets Camila’s gaze, “I’ve been feeling a little inadequate. Particularly since Barcelona, and something Brad said kind of… tapped into those insecurities. He said that you’re going to get sick of me or bored when you realise I can’t go anywhere or do whatever I want because of money, unlike you, and you’ll leave me for someone who _can_ do those things with you. And while I don’t think _that_ would happen, I hate that you paid for me to go to Barcelona. I don’t like handouts and you don’t seem to understand that when I tell you no, and it honestly makes me feel a little inadequate. I’m not saying I never want to go places with you, I _do_ , but I want it to be something I’ve _earned_.”

Camila blinks. “I just… want to spend time with you.”

“I know that, but I don’t like handouts and I don’t want you trying to give me things,” Lauren firmly replies, and Camila can’t see why it’s an issue. “I like spending time with you too, but not if it’s going to be you constantly subbing me. You say it’s nothing but it doesn’t feel like that to me, and I don’t want to feel like I _owe_ you.”

“You don’t owe me, I’ve told you that a million times, _and_ I’ve even been donating from all the videos you’re in to that charity!” Camila defends herself. “I guess I just don’t see it as an issue. I mean, one day, you’re going to be my wife, and everything that’s yours will be mine, and vice versa, so I don’t see a problem in it being that way now.”

Lauren blinks in surprise, like she hadn’t expected that answer. “I- I’m going to be your wife…”

It’s not a question, but Camila answers it anyway. “Yeah, you are. But hey, I’ll respect your wishes, okay? I can wait until we’re married to start showering you with presents.”

“I- okay,” Lauren nods, and she pulls her in for a kiss, “thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you sooner.”

“It’s alright, baby. But I hope this reassures you that you can talk to me, okay?” Camila says, and when Lauren nods in confirmation, and she _finally_ sees the smile she loves so much, she can’t help herself; she wraps her in a tight hug and mumbles, “I love you so much, Lauren. More than anything I’ve ever loved before. Never, ever doubt that.”

“I won’t,” Lauren mumbles, and when she pulls away, Camila’s stomach flips at the bright green sparkle in her eyes, “because I feel exactly the same way about you.”

_“You make me feel fuzzy, mi amor,” nine-year-old Lauren blurts out, and Camila pauses the movie and shifts around to look at her, “I don’t know why. Nobody else has ever made me feel like this, so I thought I’d tell you. I think it’s a good thing. Means you’re my best friend forever.”_

_“Si,” eight-year-old Camila replies with a grin, kissing the back of Lauren’s hand like she sees people do in movies, and the snout on her stuffed lion too, for good measure, “I feel that too. You… make me fuzzy too, mi amor. We stay together forever.”_

_Lauren smiles, staring at Camila with something beautiful that the younger girl can’t recognise shining in her eyes. “Siempre.”_

  
_liked by_ **alexaferrer, dinahjane97** _and_ **20,916 others  
laurenjauregui: **This is an old picture that I stole from my girlfriend’s profile, but it felt like the best way to emphasise everything she’s achieved and how proud I am of her for achieving those things. **@camila_cabello,** you are the light of my life and you deserve every single good thing on this earth. Not only did you get 1 million subscribers, as seen on that plaque, but you’ve gone as far to almost quintuple it in the space of two years. I can’t wait to watch you quadruple THAT, and keep doing it until you have the subscriber count you deserve, approximately 7 billion, because everyone on the planet should be watching your videos and THAT is the tea (did I use that correctly?). Anyway, I love you with my whole heart, mi amor.

 **camila_cabello:** im curious… what prompted this  
   **laurenjauregui:** You being the best girlfriend on the planet, that’s what prompted it.  
    **dinahjane97:** Alright get a room  
     **camrenisreal:** no don’t listen to dinah don’t get a room please keep up with the sappy insta posts we LOVE it

 **lucyvives:** ……..i once swallowed a marble and lived through it…….. where’s the post emphasising MY achievements???  
   **laurenjauregui:** Congrats on not dying idk how you did it  
    **camila_cabello:** yeah you’re talented  
      **lucyvives:** thanks for the appreciation


	28. 27

**STRIP GRAND THEFT AUTO V WITH MY GIRLFRIEND**  
_3,835,726 views_  
Camila Cabello ------- SUBSCRIBE: 5M  
Published Jun 23, 2017

“I love being a gaming channel now,” Camila laughs, and when she immediately crashes the car into a building, Lauren snorts. “I’m obviously the _best_ driver.”

“Give it here, weirdo,” Lauren holds out her hand for the controller, “we have like two hours to do this until my brother gets home and yells at us for hijacking his PS4, and I want to steal a plane from the airport.”

Camila bursts out laughing, “yes, oh my god. But let’s make this _interesting_.”

“Interesting?” Lauren raises her eyebrows, opening up the map and setting a waypoint at the airport. “How so?”

“Every time you die, you take off an item of clothing,” Camila winks at her, “and every time you manage to pull off some kind of illegal activity _without_ getting killed, _I’ll_ take off an item of clothing.”

Lauren laughs like she doesn’t realise it’s serious, but then when Camila doesn’t laugh with her, just smirks, she blinks, “Wait, really?”

“Yeah, it’ll spice up this video,” Camila grins, “I’ll censor it, _obviously_ , I don’t want to get _demonetised_.”

She thinks that Lauren is going to shoot her down, but instead, her girlfriend pulls her in for a quick kiss, for the _first_ real time on camera, and smirks, “alright, if you want to show your five million subscribers your ass, that’s on you.”

Camila raises her eyebrows. “Confident you’re going to win?”

“Obviously,” Lauren sticks her tongue out, “I’ll be sat next to your naked ass after outrunning the cops like ten times.”

“We’ll see about that,” Camila pokes her in the cheek, “you’re _on_ , Lern Jergi.”

By the end of the video, Camila is down to her bra and underwear, but Lauren is only missing her socks and jeans. “Alright, alright, you _win_.”

“Told you I would,” Lauren grins, “now put your shirt back on and do your outro, babe.”

_[Write a comment…]_

**Camila Cabello** wow that girl camila is with is like the hottest person i’ve ever seen i wish she’d taken her shirt off  
   **Lauren Jauregui** Come over and I will ;)  
    **camren is real** look I know c is joking and all but it’s not like she said anything that isn’t true

 **JaureguixCabello** they’re both so hot what the fuck

 **Ariana cabello** I clicked out of this video  
   **Camila Cabello** so you clicked out of my video just to click back onto my video to leave a comment about how you clicked out of my video… thanks for both the views!!! :)

“Happy birthday!” Camila announces as soon as the door swings open, and she practically throws herself on Lauren, pulling her in for the tightest hug. “I can’t believe you’re twenty-one! You’re always going to be my little saviour in my eyes.”

Lauren hums into her shoulder, snuggling into her. “Thank you for being here for it.”

“Duh,” Camila grins as she pulls away, “so, what’s the plan? Alcohol? Well, obviously, since it’s your twenty-first, but if you’re going out to the club, I won’t get in because I don’t have a fake ID and I look fifteen, so…”

Lauren squeezes her hand. “Don’t worry, I know you don’t like it anyway, so I said no to clubbing with Lucy and everyone. They’re coming over here a little later, after my meal with my family.”

“You shouldn’t have said no,” Camila blinks at her, shaking her head. “I’ll go home, isn’t it like, a rite of passage to go clubbing for your twenty-first birthday?”

“Well, _yeah_ , if you’ve never been clubbing _before_ that, but I do it all the time in LA. It’s not going to be any different now that it’s _legal_.” Lauren snorts. “It’ll probably be _less_ exciting, now that I’m thinking about it. Besides, I’d rather be with you.”

The words still have an effect on her, even though Camila _knows_ that at this point. It’s like any time Lauren says something like that, little fourteen year old Camila, who had felt so abandoned and lost when her best friend started choosing other people over her, jumps for joy.

A little overwhelmed, Camila pulls Lauren in for a kiss. “You don’t know how much that means to me.”

She feels Lauren smile against her lips, before the older girl pulls away and fixes her with a bright smile, and Camila is _instantly_ reminded of the little seven year old girl, plopping down in front of her and offering her a cookie. “Oh, I think I do.”

Camila pulls Lauren closer by the waist, but she doesn’t make a move, just studies her girlfriend’s beautiful face with a soft smile on her own. “So… what time are your friends coming over?”

“Not until after we’re back from dinner. I told them to come at nine, because our reservations are for six-thirty, and I’ll need some time to chill and get out of my food coma before I start drinking.” Lauren shrugs, before she falls into another hug. “Are you sure you’re comfortable staying for that? I know you’re not the biggest drinker and we all tend to get pretty messy.”

“Lo, it’s one night of the year,” Camila laughs, “and I trust you, and I know your friends have looked after you, so I’m sure it’ll be fine. But if we’re not eating until six, why did you aggressively text me to come over now? _Four_ hours in advance?”

“Just missed you,” Lauren shrugs against her, but pulls away and lets her take her shoes off, “have you eaten?”

Camila shrugs. “Not since breakfast.”

If anything, Lauren’s face lights up at the words. “Can I make something for you? Or, for us both, really…”

“Okay,” Camila kicks her shoes away and they land next to Lauren’s, before she takes her girlfriend’s hand and skips happily over to the kitchen. “Where is your family? Surely they haven’t ditched you on your _birthday_?”

“Well, my dad went out to get some groceries, but my mom is here somewhere. Same with the siblings,” Lauren pushes the kitchen door open, raising her eyebrows expectantly as she goes for the bread. “Grilled cheese?”

“Yeah, sure,” Camila hops up to sit on the counter as Lauren gets a pan out of a cupboard and puts it on the stove. She admires her girlfriend as she gets all of her supplies out of the fridge, and starts buttering the bread. “Oh, by the way, I’m going to copy you and pull a dramatic present reveal at the end of the night when we’re both a little tipsy, okay?”

“Sure, but I can’t guarantee I won’t cry. You could present tipsy me with a used napkin and she’d probably cry about how much she loves you,” Lauren says, putting one sandwich in the pan and turning the stove on as she quickly butters the bread on her own. “Not that sober me isn’t totally in love with you too.”

“You’d better be,” Camila grins as Lauren puts the other sandwich on the pan and gives them a few moments, “have you thought any more about my proposition?”

She expects Lauren to shut her down completely, but her girlfriend surprises her. After flipping Camila’s sandwich in the pan, she turns to her with a thoughtful expression. Eventually, she smiles and shrugs. “Yeah. I’ll do it. What more harm could it do, right?”

Camila grins from ear to ear, jumping off the counter and pouncing on Lauren in a koala hug. “Perfect. I’ll bring my vlogging camera over sometime next week and you can film it all. It doesn’t have to be anything super serious, you can just… have a lighthearted follow me around kind of thing.”

Lauren hums, hugging Camila back but gasping a little, because Camila’s koala hugs are notoriously bone-crushing. “I was honestly thinking about opening up in it. About stuff. Maybe if they realise how much their words can affect people, they’ll shut the fuck up.”

“Whatever you do, it’s your choice,” Camila smiles, finally pulling away and letting her breathe. As Lauren flips the sandwiches again, Camila slips past her and opens up the cupboard she remembers used to house all of the plates, and she’s happy to know she’s right. “Years of sleepovers payed off, huh?”

Lauren rolls her eyes, but there’s a smile toying at her lips. “Pass me the knife I used for the butter.”

Camila watches as Lauren cuts the sandwiches into quarters, and she almost jokes about how she’s _not_ five years old, but she doesn’t have the heart when Lauren passes it to her with a shy smile, saying, _I hope you like it_. “Are we going to eat in your bedroom?”

“Your choice,” Lauren says, “though I figured with the question about my family, you’d want to hang with them.”

“No, I think I’d rather have you all to myself.” Camila flashes her a teasing grin, “Come on.”

She doesn’t rush, mostly because the sandwich would go flying off her plate and she’d feel mean if Lauren automatically offered to make her a new one, which she _would_. Lauren ends up ahead of her, taking both the plates and nodding to her bedroom door. “Open it, I don’t have magical powers.”

“Lucky for you, I do,” Camila announces, and makes a show of pointing her finger at the door handle, concentrating very hard, and announcing, “ _Alohamora!_ ”

She opens the door quickly, and Lauren quirks an eyebrow up in amusement as Camila gasps at her spell ‘working’. “You’re a loser, you know that, right?”

“Like you’re any less loser-y yourself,” Camila announces, follow Lauren inside her bedroom and flopping down on the older girl’s impeccably made bed. “Are my pyjamas ready and waiting for me?”

“Mhm,” Lauren passes her plate to her and sits down, already munching on one of her sandwich quarters. “When I put them in the laundry along with all your other stuff and mentioned that they were yours, my mom teased me about how _serious_ we were clearly becoming. I was like, _mom she just left some spare clothes and pyjamas, she didn’t propose.”_

“Yeah, because _opposing_ is your job,” Camila nudges her playfully, and Lauren just rests her head on her shoulder as she eats. “Thanks for the sandwich, Lo. You’re so cute and chivalrous. So, how does it feel to be twenty-one?”

“Exactly the same as it felt being twenty.” Lauren snorts. “Just with the added bonus of being able to get drunk _legally_. But like I said, it’s probably less exciting at this point since the first time I ever had alcohol, I was like fourteen. I’m kind of over it by now.”

Lauren finishes off her sandwich – minus a little bit of crust – and puts her plate on her bedside table, laying back against her pillows and studying Camila as she munches on her own. She’s a little self-conscious under Lauren’s gaze, but she knows she’d never be thinking anything _negative_ , though she’s still relieved when there’s a scratching at the bedroom door and Lauren pushes herself off the bed to let Dash in.

“That’s right, buddy, I saved you some crust,” Lauren smiles, patting her bed to let the dog jump up. She grabs her leftover crust and holds it up. “Paw?”

The little dog high-fives her, devours the crust Lauren gives him in a matter of seconds, and then turns on Camila, big brown eyes staring up at her longingly. “Oh my god, no, don’t look at me like that, this is _my_ food.”

Lauren snorts. “You won’t be able to resist.”

She’s not wrong; Camila gives Dash her last little bit of crust, and she’s totally offended when he eats it and jumps off the bed, running out of the room before Camila can even _pet_ him.

“That’s so rude,” she announces, staring after the dog, “I think I deserved cuddles for that.”

Lauren snorts. “You’ve got to get your cuddles in _before_ you give him food and he loses interest.”

“Thanks for telling me that in advance,” Camila rolls her eyes, and flops back next to Lauren, immediately pulling her into her arms. She sighs happily when Lauren rests her head against her chest, but easily pushes her away when she realises, “ _no_ , it’s your twenty-first, we’re going to go do something fun.”

Lauren wiggles her eyebrows, and the first thought through Camila’s head is _wow, I’m rubbing off on her,_ the second being, “wow, and you call _me_ a pervert. Later, okay?”

“Wait, really?” Lauren’s teasing expression drops, replaced by a shy smile and a pink tint to her cheeks. “Okay.”

Camila laughs, kissing her softly, before she pushes herself off the bed. “Come on. Let’s go on an adventure.”

Lauren laughs. “Alright, Bilbo Baggins.”

“You did _not_ just make that reference,” Camila laughs, holding out her hand and pulling Lauren up. “How did anyone _ever_ think you were cool? You’re a bigger nerd than _I_ am, and that’s saying something.”

Lauren scoffs, but she doesn’t argue, and Camila knows she secretly agrees. “Where are we _adventuring_ to, then? Remember, we need to be back by six, and it’s two-thirty now, so we can’t go _that_ far.”

“I don’t know. Let’s just drive until we find somewhere cool.” Camila shrugs, “It’s not the destination that’s important, Lo. It’s the _journey_.”

“Wow, how inspirational,” Lauren deadpans, but she follows Camila out of her bedroom, grabbing her car keys on the way. Camila notes that the little Daenerys keychain has been moved to that keyring instead. “You know we’ll probably just end up on the beach, right?”

“No, I _refuse_ to cop out, we’re going to do something so fun it gives the word a new definition,” Camila laughs, sitting down in the hallway to pull her shoes on. “Don’t worry, we’ll be back in plenty of time for your cute little birthday meal. Thanks for inviting me, by the way. I know it was an exclusive family only thing.”

Lauren shrugs as she ties her shoelaces. “You’re the love of my life. Of course you’re invited.”

“Are you two going somewhere?”

Camila jumps at the unexpected voice, but Lauren merely glances up at her mother, shrugs, and announces, “apparently we’re going on an adventure, but I think we’ll just end up at the beach.”

Clara frowns. “Will you be back by six?”

“Mhm, promise,” Lauren finishes tying her laces and stands up, stretching, “either that or we can just meet you at the restaurant? I’d have to drive anyway since there’s only room for five in the car and there’s six of us, including Camz.”

Clara looks affronted at the words. “No, you’re not driving tonight, it’s your twenty-first, you have to have a drink.”

Lauren bursts out laughing, looking at Camila with an amused grin. “Can you believe that my own mother just peer pressured me?”

Camila laughs, and offers, “hey, I can drive, but I don’t have a license, so I don’t recommend letting me behind the wheel of a car.”

“There’s your solution, mami,” Lauren laughs, grabbing Camila’s hand and squeezing it, and Camila is a little surprised at the obvious affection around her mother, but it means a lot either way. “But it’s fine, I don’t need to drink at dinner, because I’ll be drinking after with the girls, so Camz and I can just drive from the beach. Or from wherever we end up.”

Clara frowns, but nods in acceptance. “Okay. Have fun. We’ll see you at the restaurant, make sure you get there for six-fifteen, and-”

“Okay, okay, I know,” Lauren laughs, unlocking the front door and ushering Camila out, “later, mami. Love you.”

Before she gives Clara a chance to reply, Lauren pulls Camila over to her car, opening up the passenger side door for her. “Wow, so chivalrous, Laur.”

“I honestly just want to get you out of here, my mom is embarrassing,” Lauren laughs, jogging around to the driver’s side as Camila gets in and buckles herself in. “Give her five minutes and she’ll come running out with some safety tips for us.”

“It’s sweet that she cares, though. My mom is the same.” Camila assures her, grabbing the aux cord and plugging her phone in before Lauren can say otherwise. She plays some Taylor Swift, and then looks over at Lauren expectantly as she pulls out of the driveway. “Tell me about your last couple of birthdays. The ones I wasn’t here for.”

Lauren frowns. “What? Sixteenth through twentieth?”

“Yeah,” Camila nods, “all of the wild parties you so obviously went to. Tell me about them.”

“Well, I didn’t do anything for my sixteenth except get high and sleep with _Brad_ , so I wouldn’t say that was a good birthday.” Lauren shrugs, and Camila cringes at the thought. “But my seventeenth was okay.”

Camila hums, watching Lauren as she drives. “Tell me about it.”

“It wasn’t anything special. My mom did like, a buffet style thing of all my favourite Cuban food for lunch, and then I went out for a meal with Lucy on the evening, just the two of us, and she slept over.” Lauren says, and she seems to consider something for a moment, before announcing, “Oh! Yeah, I’m pretty sure that night was the first time I went out without like, either one of my parents lurking around. I think by that point they’d finally started trusting me again. Or my dad did, and he just convinced my mom, because she’s _still_ weird and protective, but I don’t blame her. I got some new earrings from my parents for that birthday and they let me get my double helix piercing, _and_ that was the day that they talked to me about starting back at our old school for my senior year, but obviously I said no.”

Camila thinks for a moment, “I really wish you’d said yes. We could’ve been together for _years_ at this point.”

“Sorry,” Lauren shrugs, “but it wasn’t where I was meant to be, and I liked my school at that point. And I wanted to graduate with Lucy.”

Camila knows all of that, so she asks, “Okay, well, what about your eighteenth birthday?”

“Pretty much the same kind of thing, but with added champagne, _and_ I got my nose ring dragonfly tattoo,” Lauren says, “it was nice. My whole family came over and we had a little party and I got kind of tipsy and insisted on carrying Nala around with me the whole night.”

Camila laughs. “You’re so cute. Nineteenth birthday?”

“Lucy threw a party for me at her place. Well, it wasn’t really a _party_ , it was more of a… small get-together, considering there were like five people there. All of my roommates and Vero.” Lauren snorts. “This year I’ve clearly upgraded, because tonight there will be _six_ people celebrating my birth.”

“Babe, I’m pretty sure all of the Camren shippers are celebrating your birth,” Camila teases her, “And your twentieth?”

Lauren laughs. “Basically the same as my nineteenth _but_ with the small difference of me being the most drunk I have ever been in my entire life and insisting on karaoke while Alexa filmed the whole thing.”

“Remind me to ask Alexa for that video later,” Camila jokes, but she’s actually pretty serious, “are you planning on getting that drunk tonight?”

“Oh god, I’d never get to that point ever again, I was up the whole night and the entire next day just puking my guts up,” Lauren cringes at the memory, and when they get to a crossroads she asks, “left or right?”

“Right,” Camila decides, and Lauren hums, driving them along, “you’ll look after me if I’m a mess, right?”

“I looked after you on Halloween, didn’t I? Even when your dumb ass kissed me and _forgot about it_ ,” Lauren reminds her, and Camila feels pretty guilty, “I wasn’t that bad, considering we’d both had about the same amount to drink, so I remembered everything, and when we woke up I honestly almost kissed you again until you made it clear you didn’t remember.”

“You should’ve just _told_ me,” Camila shoots back, “like, _hey_ , dumbass, _we kissed_.”

Lauren huffs. “I didn’t know if you actually liked me or if it was the alcohol, and I’d only just got you back. I didn’t want to lose you again.”

Camila just smiles. “You could never. Oh, pull up here!”

Lauren does as she says without question, pulling into the nearest parking lot. Once she cuts out the engine, she gets a chance to look around, immediately laughing when she sees the building Camila is pointing at. “Laser tag?”

“Mhm,” Camila grins, “come on, it’ll be fun!”

Lauren looks a little sceptical, but nods. “Alright, but you _do_ know that this is my _twenty-first_ birthday and not my twelfth, right?”

“Oh, really? I was sorely mistaken,” Camila mock gasps, getting out of the car and skipping around to the front of it to meet Lauren. “I think I’ll have to return your present, I got you the new Pokémon game for Nintendo DS.”

“Honestly, if you weren’t joking, I’d be totally cool with that as a present,” Lauren laughs, “I still have my old DS lite somewhere. Probably because I love looking at all of my wins against you on Mario Kart.”

“Shut up, we were both on the same level.” Camila defends herself. “That’s what always made playing with you so fun, because there was never a clear winner. Like, it was boring when I was like sixteen and trying to play against five year old Sofi on the Wii, because I’d always win. _God_ , I wish I still had that, just so I could kick your butt.”

“My brother has a load of party games for his PS4, so we could always be competitive later, _with_ the bonus of being completely drunk.” Lauren grins, holding the door to the building open for her. “It’ll be fun to continue my winning streak after this.”

Camila scoffs. “Oh, don’t be so cocky. I might kick your ass, you don’t know.”

Lauren snorts. “Don’t speak too soon. You’ll fall on _your_ ass before you kick mine.”

“Two for laser tag, please,” Camila addresses the guy behind the counter, an obviously bored high schooler, and then she turns to Lauren, adding, “I didn’t want to say _two adults_ , because what adult would be here?”

“Us, clearly,” Lauren laughs, and adds to the guy, “oh, and we want to be on separate teams, if you didn’t already assume…”

“Really?” Camila jokes. “I thought you’d want to be on _both_?”

Lauren snorts as the guy disinterestedly hands over the vests and guns, one blue and one red. She quickly pays on her card, and thanks him, pulling Camila over to a little seating area. “Did you just make a bi joke?”

Camila hums in confirmation. “I make jokes about everything, but if you’re not comfortable…”

“No, no, it’s fine, just wasn’t expecting it,” Lauren nudges her playfully, “besides, joking about it honestly made me feel better. Like, Lucy would joke about it and it made it seem less _serious_ , and when I finally told my parents, having my mom tease me about girls made me feel better.”

“I’m sorry you had so much pent up stress about it, and I wish you’d spoken to me, because I would’ve been like _oh yeah I know girls are so pretty and perfect and boys are gross_ ,” Camila quotes herself from the day she came out to Dinah; on their first ever Skype call. “And then I probably would’ve kissed you since I had a massive crush on you. Still do.”

To emphasise that, Camila pulls Lauren in for a kiss, hands cupping her girlfriend’s jaw. A quiet moan reverberates at the back of Lauren’s throat, and she practically melts into the kiss, and if anything, the fact that they’re in public makes this mean _more_. Camila has never been fond of PDA past hand-holding, but the fact that Lauren is _willing_ to kiss her in public around groups of other people makes her whole heart soar.

Lauren is the one to pull away first, but she sends Camila a small smile and holds up the red gun. “Come on, we’ve got to get ready for battle.”

“I love you so much,” Camila blurts out, and Lauren sends her a radiant smile, squeezing her hand. “And I’m totally going to kick your ass.”

“We’ll see about that,” Lauren grins, setting the gun aside and pulling the vest over her head. She taps the little target over her chest and laughs. “Guess I’m red team.”

Camila grabs the blue vest and gun and gets herself ready, glancing over at the timer. The current session still has about five minutes left. “You know we’re totally not playing for whatever team, as long as I shoot your bitch ass I’ll be happy.”

“I should record that and _expose_ you,” Lauren jokes, “ _YouTuber Camila Cabello threatens to shoot her innocent girlfriend. Here’s the tea!_ Did I use that right?”

“Oh my god, you’re so cute,” Camila laughs, grabbing Lauren’s hand, “yes, you used that right, you internet grandma.”

“I’m not an internet grandma!” Lauren shoves her, “My _mom_ is the definition of that. She’s technologically illiterate, I’m surprised she managed to comment on your Instagram that one time.”

“Well, whatever, you’re still adorably out of touch with all the slang,” Camila pulls her in for another kiss, and she feels Lauren smiling against her. Pulling away, she just looks at her for a moment, taking in her beauty, and then announces, “Anyway, time for me to kick your butt.”

“I’ll kick _your_ butt before you kick mine,” Lauren gives her a playful shove, looking over to the two doors, one coloured red and one coloured blue. “I’ll be stalking you. Like a _lioness_ hunting her prey.”

“Mhm, not if I stalk you first,” Camila nudges her over to the red coloured door, “go meet your team. “I’ll see you in there.”

She cocks her gun threateningly, and Lauren just laughs at her as she walks away. She watches the little countdown clock, and joins the line by the blue door. When the countdown hits zero, she trails after everyone in through the doors and immediately goes searching for Lauren. It’s dark, and she can’t see anyone’s faces, just the red and blue lights on the vests and guns.

Camila yells out, “Jauregui! I’m coming for you!”

She hears Lauren’s laugh not far off, and spins around, aware of the other players in the game, but more focused on Lauren. A flash of a laser skims past her, and Camila lets out a battle cry as Lauren ducks behind the nearest wall.

She sprints in the direction of her girlfriend, shooting at random any time she sees a flash of red, and Lauren just laughs, dodging her shots and ducking behind walls and barriers. “You’re going to have to try harder than that!”

“Die!” Camila yells, shooting aggressively at the wall Lauren had ducked behind. “You’re going to have to come up at some point.”

“Am I?” Lauren asks, and the next thing Camila registers is Lauren’s gun poking around the corner of the wall and shooting at her. She curses, jumping away from the shot, but her vest is flashing, which means she’s lost a life and Lauren has got a point for her team.

Knowing that Camila’s gun is frozen for thirty seconds for her to ‘regenerate’, Lauren jumps up, does some kind of victory dance and sprints off into the darkness.

“Get back here, asshole!” Camila shouts, sprinting after her, but Lauren had disappeared into the darkness, and the room was starting to fill with artificial smoke, so she’s officially lost her.

She settles for shooting at random at every red light she sees, and when she finally hears Lauren’s _annoying_ laugh again, she darts in the direction without hesitation. She recognises her silhouette, and pounces on her, knocking her down to the floor and shooting at Lauren’s chest from extremely close range. She’s actually surprised it worked, and she grins down triumphantly. “Pinned ya.”

“You already made that _Lion King_ joke, loser,” Lauren teases her, and pulls her down for a kiss. “Now get off me, the second my gun comes back online I’m shooting your ass as revenge for you _tackling me to the ground_.”

Camila grins, leans down, presses a kiss to the tip of Lauren’s nose, and then jumps up, running away, yelling about her victory and shooting another member of Lauren’s team as she goes. “Hah, I win!” she yells at the six year old she’d shot, and she’s way too caught up in her victory that someone shoots her immediately after. It’s not Lauren, but she’s still offended, and when Lauren does find her, it’s the second after her gun comes back online, and Lauren knocks her out for another thirty seconds.

Unable to shoot her and get her out, Camila settles for shoving her. “You’re an _asshole_.”

“Salty you’re not winning?” Lauren snorts. “I told you not to get too cocky.”

“Just you wait until my gun comes back online- _hey!_ ” Camila’s jaw drops, because she can’t believe that Lauren shot her _again_ the second her gun came back. “That’s just not fair.”

“Don’t hate the player, hate the game,” Lauren grins, and when the loud alarm sounds and tells them their session is over, Camila pouts, “aw, someone’s a sore loser, huh?”

“I totally just let you win because it’s your birthday,” Camila scoffs, “duh. I would’ve crushed you otherwise.”

“Mhm,” Lauren rolls her eyes disbelievingly, pulling her out of the nearest exit and taking her vest off. “Alright, that was fun, but maybe we should go do something more mature and suited to women in their twenties?”

Camila pauses in mock thought in the middle of wrestling to get out of her own vest. “Like Build-A-Bear?”

Lauren laughs, and helps Camila out of her vest. “Come on. Let’s continue our adventure.”

They don’t end up doing much; as Lauren predicted, they go to the beach and just sit and talk. They get ice cream, even when Lauren insists that they shouldn’t, because they have dinner soon and they shouldn’t spoil it. A few fans come up to them, wishing Lauren a happy birthday, taking pictures with them both and calling them a cute couple, and Camila loves how light and happy Lauren seems.

If anything, Lauren’s happy mood is amplified throughout dinner with her family, and when they’re finally back at the Jauregui household, Lauren slumped against her on the couch, the older girl turns to her with a soft, loving smile. “I love you so much. Thank you for being here.”

Camila laughs. “You know you don’t have to thank me for that, right? It’s your twenty-first birthday and I’m your girlfriend. Does two plus two _not_ equal five?”

“It actually doesn’t,” Lauren replies, but she lets out her obligatory laugh, “and no, I don’t mean it like that. I mean like, you giving me a chance after… you know, everything. You could’ve easily been like _fuck that bitch_ and never texted me, but you did. You gave me another chance and I honestly didn’t deserve it, so thank you.”

“I love you,” Camila murmurs, “I’ve _always_ loved you. Besides, I knew you were different just by looking in your eyes.”

“Mhm, because somehow you can read my mind,” Lauren chuckles, pushing herself up, “come on. Let’s pop the first bottle of champagne before my friends get here, I’m willing to share with _you_.”

Camila lets her help her up, and follows Lauren through to the kitchen, watching as the older girl easily pulls a bottle of champagne from the fridge and pops it open. She watches as Lauren pours two glasses, “So… you’re going to get drunk tonight?”

“Yeah,” Lauren nods, “I haven’t been properly drunk in a _long_ time. Like, fun drunk, not emotional drunk.”

“Okay,” Camila takes the glass Lauren hands her and has a sip; she’s never been super fond of champagne, and doesn’t understand the hype, but it’s _okay_. “Well, you can count on me to look after you.”

“I know,” Lauren replies, holding out her glass, “cheers, Camz.”

They clink their glasses together, and Lauren drinks hers in one go, immediately filling it up again and taking another drink. Camila watches her with her eyebrows raised. “Wow, you’re really trying here, huh?”

Lauren shrugs, “We’re _celebrating_ , Camz.”

“Alright, but if you’re going to get yourself completely smashed, then… can I give you your present now?” Camila asks, sipping her own champagne. “Please?”

Putting her glass down, Lauren nods. “Alright. You left your bag in my room, right?”

“Yeah,” Camila nods, grabbing Lauren’s hand and pulling her towards her room. “Apologies, the wrapping isn’t very neat, but if I _didn’t_ wrap it, it was a dead giveaway of what it is, and I didn’t want anyone _else_ to wrap it because that’s so impersonal.”

Lauren snorts as she kicks her bedroom door closed and turns around to face a box, badly wrapped in obnoxious hot pink paper with _happy birthday_ plastered over it. “Clearly your wrapping skills haven’t improved since elementary school.”

“Oh, and here’s a card,” Camila pushes Lauren down onto her bed and passes her a sealed purple envelope. “Open that first.”

Lauren digs a finger under and opens it up, pulling out the _happy birthday, grandma_ card. She lets out a fake, mocking laugh. “Wow, thanks.”

Camila rolls her eyes. “Read the inside.”

Lauren opens up the card, and reads aloud, “ _Dear Lern Jergi_ ,” she punctuates with an eye roll, “ _this isn’t going to be as cheesy and dramatic as my Instagram post, but I needed to tell you that I love you with everything I have in through the traditional medium. Happy 21 st birthday, love, Camila. _You’re cute. Thank you, Camz.”

“Now the present,” Camila announces, and she’s basically bouncing with excitement as Lauren tears the wrapping paper off the little black box. Almost as soon as she reads the word on the black velvet box, Lauren looks up at her as if to say _no_. Effectively cutting her off before she can speak, Camila grabs the box from her and pops it open.

“I know you might yell at me for spending too much, but… but it’s kind of like a present for me, in a way,” Camila laughs, taking the bracelet out of the box and showing it to Lauren. “It’s a Cartier love bracelet. I- I lock it on you, and I keep the key. It’s supposed to symbolise eternal love; once the bracelet is locked on, you can’t get it off, and… and it’s like my love for you. I love you so much, and you’re… I know you’re the only one I ever want to be with, and the bracelet means that. It means that you carry my love with you forever.”

Lauren looks at the bracelet apprehensively. “I- it’s beautiful, but-”

Camila easily cuts her off. “But nothing. It’s your twenty-first birthday. You spent what you could buying me a ring, I’m just returning the favour. And I’m allowed to spoil my girlfriend on a special birthday, okay? Can I put it on you?”

Lauren seems to consider it for a moment, and after a few moments of conflict with herself, she nods. “Okay. You don’t know what this means to me.”

“Oh, I do, since I can read you like a book and all that,” Camila grins. “Come here.”

She grabs the little key tool as she puts the bracelet around Lauren’s wrist, fumbling to lock it on. Lauren just watches her, eyebrows raised in slight amusement. “Need help?”

“ _No_ , I don’t,” Camila quips back, finally locking it on and tucking the little key into her back pocket. “ _There_. Knew I could figure it out.”

Lauren watches her for a moment, total adoration on her face, and it doesn’t change when she glances down at the bracelet. Then, she pulls Camila in for a kiss, and the younger girl can feel the love and thanks behind it. When they part, Lauren buries her face into Camila’s neck and mumbles, “I love you so much. Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me, mi amor,” Camila smiles, “and I promise, I bought this before you spoke to me about how you felt. But I still wanted to give it to you, because like I said, it’s kind of a present for me, too. To see you wearing it every day, knowing what it means.”

“I had a feeling,” Lauren mumbles, “and Camz?”

Camila smiles. “Yeah?”

“This is the best birthday ever.”

  
_liked by_ **lucyvives, laurenjauregui** _and_ **149,764 others  
camila_cabello: **HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY LERN JERGI!!!! naturally i had to post a bunch of fetus pics for this half because it’s totally a necessity to embarrass your best friend like that on her 21st but also because we both clearly glo’d tf up and i need to let my instagram followers know that. for real though, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. we’ve been through so many ups and downs together and even a year ago, if someone told me i’d be in love with lauren michelle jauregui morgado for the second time in my life i would’ve laughed in their face. but we’re here. we made it. i feel like we’ve both always known that we had such a deep connection, but i’ve never experienced a love like this. i’ve been in love before, but this time i’m in love with YOU, and that’s the part that makes it so much more intense. you are my soulmate, my person, my other half, no doubt about it. you are my everything, the love of my life, but most importantly, you’re my best friend. you always protect me, just like you did the day we met, and i hope i do an okay job of protecting you, too. thank you for everything you do for me, and i hope that twenty-one is as amazing for you as everyone says it is. i love you with my whole heart, lauren. happy birthday.

 **laurenjauregui:** This entire post made my heart explode out of my chest. I’m dead now. Enjoy your ghost girlfriend.  
   **laurenjauregui:** Really though, I love you so much. Thank you for being the best girlfriend I could ask for.  
    **camila_cabello:** no need to thank me, mi amor. just returning the favour

  
_liked by_ **camila_cabello, dinahjane97** _and_ **20,036 others  
laurenjauregui: **Thank you so much to everyone who wished me a happy birthday, but especially to this wonderfully thoughtful woman right here. Camz, you’re everything to me, and you made my birthday so special just by being here for it. I love you so much. Thank you to my mami for taking this picture which was TOTALLY CANDID AND NOT POSED AT ALL, and thank you to my dad for telling me that we both look post-sneeze here and making me laugh for ten minutes. On a serious note, 21 has been incredible so far (even if I’ve only really been 21 for about six hours), and I’m so grateful I have amazing friends, a loving family and an absolutely wonderful girlfriend to celebrate with. Time to get wine drunk and really see this next chapter in.

 **camila_cabello:** ur dad has a point this is totally a post-sneeze look  
   **laurenjauregui:** Really??? That’s the one thing you took from this whole ass caption???  
    **camila_cabello:** oh i love you too btw


	29. 28

“Are you ready for this?”

“I don’t know,” Lauren rests her head on Camila’s shoulder, looking at the _unprivate_ button next to the video that’s already uploaded onto Camila’s channel. “But it’s there. You might as well just post it. Now better than later.”

“They’re going to love you, okay?” Camila’s fingers gently run through her hair, “Almost as much as I do. I loved the video while I was editing, it was so beautiful how you opened up, and I really appreciate you trying your best to understand this whole YouTube thing.”

“Just… post it. Then we’ll watch an episode of _Game of Thrones_ and come back to it to see what people think…” Lauren trails off, pulling Camila in for a kiss, and when she looks her in the eyes, she sees nothing but sincerity. “And if they don’t like it, then… fuck them. I’m past the point of caring, because I would do anything if it meant I got to have you. Including tolerating those assholes.”

Camila looks at the button for a few moments, before she finally presses it and watches as the video goes public. Closing the tab, she looks back at Lauren with a small smile. “Done.”

“I love you,” Lauren mumbles, resting her head on Camila’s shoulder. “So, are we going to go do something? Take my mind of the inevitable onslaught of hate?”

“Hey, it’ll be fine!” Camila assures her, “seriously, you know for a fact that ninety-nine percent of my fans love you.”

“Joking, Camz,” Lauren presses a chaste kiss to Camila’s lips, “I mean, I hate the stuff that some people say, but at this point… it’s not worth losing you.”

Camila smiles. “Alright, let’s go watch some _Game of Thrones._ ”

“No,” Lauren grabs her hand as they stand up, “I want to do something.”

“Oh?” Camila wiggles her eyebrows suggestively, even though she’s only kidding. “Like what?”

“I don’t know. Just something… _light_. So I don’t have to think for a while,” Lauren wraps her arms around Camila’s waist, snuggling her face into her girlfriend’s neck. “I just want to be with you.”

“Okay,” Camila smiles, “I’m good with that. Something _light_ … do you want to dig out the old Nintendo DS’ and have a Mario Kart battle?”

Lauren hums. “Only if you’ll cuddle me while we’re doing it.”

“Always, _princesa_ ,” Camila kisses the top of her head. “I love you so much.”

Lauren pulls her in for a kiss. “I love you too.”

 **MY GIRLFRIEND TAKES OVER MY CHANNEL**  
_2,057,764 views_  
Camila Cabello ------- SUBSCRIBE: 5.1M  
Published July 8, 2017

“Hallo,” Lauren looks at the camera, but then her face settles into a frown. “Okay, I really don’t know how Camz does this without feeling awkward as fuck. But hello. I’m Lauren. Some of you might know that already, but others might not. Camz wanted me to film a day in my life, and I’m going to warn you now, I’m not particularly interesting, especially during summer. At least in college I could take you to class, but then I don’t think people would find a two hour law and forensics lecture _that_ interesting, and I realise I’m rambling because I genuinely just don’t know what to say.”

“Anyway… um,” Lauren looks around almost desperately, before her eyes light up and she angles the camera downwards, “this is my baby! His name is Dash, I got him as a puppy when I was little. He’s twelve now, but he’s still a little puppy to me.”

“Um,” as Dash walks off disinterestedly, Lauren turns the camera back to herself, “I think I’ve exhausted most of my conversational topics… oh! _This_ is a little trophy I got at high school graduation for being a _bad bitch._ Just kidding, it was actually for being top of the class in criminal law, but being a bad bitch makes me sound more intimidating. I should just do that! Like, a room tour or something, since that’s where I am, my bedroom at my parents’ house in Miami. I go to college in L.A, maybe one day Camz and I will root around in my bedroom there once my friends and I move into our new place.”

She gets up from her perfectly made bed, a stark contrast to the messy one the audience is used to in Camila’s vlogs. “Um… well, first, the most important thing in my whole room, my Nala. Camila actually bought her for me when we were younger. She was on vacation at Disney World and my grandmother passed away, and when she came back, she gave me Nala to make me feel better. It meant a lot, because she’d been saving up to buy herself a little Stitch toy, but she used the money to buy Nala for me instead. I’ve never been able to sleep without her since.”

“Just a cute little anecdote for you all,” Lauren kisses the top of her lion’s head before putting the toy back onto her pillow, “um… what else can I show you? I have _this_ , it’s kind of dorky that I framed it, but whatever…”

She holds up her college acceptance letter, hand strategically covering her address. “Uh, yeah, kind of the best day of my whole life when I got this. When I applied I never thought I’d get it, I actually almost fainted when I read that I’d been accepted, so…”

She puts it back down on her dresser and sits back on her bed, frowning. “I really don’t know what else to show you. I could whip out the coin collection, but I don’t think that would appeal to Camila’s demographic… what do you guys like? I mean, you can’t answer me, but…”

“I’m rambling again, so I’m just going to text Camz for help,” Lauren announces, texting Camila with one hand and holding the camera up with the other. There’s a cut, and she holds her phone up with a smile, “Camz wasn’t much help, so thank you to my girlfriend for being the most useless person on the planet.”

Text flashes on the screen from Camila’s editing in bright comic sans, saying _wow so ungrateful lern jergi we’re through :/_ , and Lauren reads her message from Camila aloud, “Just talk about yourself! Thanks, Camz, I already _did_ that and I ran out of things to say. Um… what do I do for fun? I don’t know, mostly spend time with Camila, and then you see that in her vlogs. Well, you see the PG parts, but still…”

As Lauren trails off, she blushes, looking back at her phone, “maybe I should ask one of you? Like, DM one of the Camila fan accounts that follow me and ask _them_ what I should do. Or I could just keep rambling. How about we get out of this room? We could go and annoy Camila in person…”

Lauren frowns, walking out of her bedroom and down the hallway, “I really don’t know how daily vloggers have enough to talk about to do this _every_ day. I’ve been here for five minutes and I’ve already exhausted all of my ideas.”

“Okay, this is my kitchen – or, well, my parents’ kitchen, but in the summer, it’s mine too,” Lauren announces, “let’s make a snack together, I’m going to make toast. I know, what a wild video, first we look at stuffed animals and college acceptance letters, and now we’re making toast. Damn, I could never be a YouTuber.”

She makes her toast, and chats to the camera as she’s eating it, “So, Camz texted me again, and told me to talk about what I’m interested in, but I don’t know if medieval torture methods are like, acceptable for YouTube. I don’t want to get my girlfriend demonetized, you know? But anyway, I’ll maybe teach you a few things.”

“So, here’s a fun little history lesson for you. I’m trying to figure out which one to pick, because I don’t want to freak you out _that_ much, so we’ll go for something a little gruesome. I think it’s _Norse_ , but there was this torture method called the blood eagle. Usually the executioner would cut open the victim’s back, and expose their lungs by pulling the ribs outwards to look like wings.” Lauren pauses to finish off her slice of toast. “But not all of them were about just cutting people open. There was the Swedish drink, it was used in the 1600s. Because the Swedish soldiers didn’t receive any actual payment from the lords they were fighting for, they could loot the regions they marched on and basically murder and torture whoever they happened to come upon. So, they’d force their victims to drink like, insane amounts of human waste, making the stomach bloat up painfully. Then they’d stomp on them _or_ run their horses over them.”

“It’s all very _Game of Thrones_ in a lot of ways. But honestly, I prefer to call that show _The Adventures of Daenerys Targaryen._ Because she’s the only one that matters.” Lauren laughs to herself. “And Robb, Arya, Sansa, Theon, Tormund, Jaime and Brienne. They matter too, just not as much as Dany. The rest of them can choke.”

“Anyway, I messaged a couple of you who follow me on Twitter and asked what you want me to talk about. Some of you asked me questions, which is more helpful than a certain human whose name rhymes with… Tamila Pabello.” Lauren sends the camera a quick glare, but her expression quickly softens and she announces, “Just kidding, I love you, Camz.”

“Would you prefer it if Camila wasn’t a YouTuber? Damn, already starting off heavy,” Lauren chuckles, teeth dragging across her bottom lip as she thinks about her answer, “in some ways, honestly, _yes_. _No_ in the sense that I see how much she loves it and how happy it makes her, and that’s all I want, for her to be happy. But for _yes_ , I guess when we first started dating, it was very overwhelming. It’s like Camz was a single mom and I’d suddenly co-adopted all of her children, and I didn’t really know how to cope. I _still_ don’t, if I’m being honest. It’s a little confusing when you’re all telling me you want me to punch you in the face or something… and I’m not going to lie, sometimes certain comments get to me and I’d love not to have to deal with that, but… you know, it is what it is.”

“And following _on_ from that, someone else asked if the comments from Camriana shippers have bothered me at all, and it’s funny because that was the one thing I wasn’t going to talk about in this video but it’s kind of the only question I’m getting tweeted at me.” Lauren barks out a laugh, “It’s a tricky question to answer, because if I say _yes_ , that would give them the satisfaction of _knowing_ they’d gotten to me. But if I say no, it’d be pretty obvious that I’m lying.”

Lauren runs a hand through her hair and pushes her empty plate away from her. “It’s funny, because I honestly couldn’t care less when they insult my looks or whatever, because beauty is subjective, and I don’t really care if some stranger on the internet isn’t attracted to me. But I… hold on, I think I need my girlfriend here if I’m going to talk about this, please pause for commercial.”

A screen pops up, courtesy of Camila’s editing, with the sentence _thanks for the midroll ad opportunity babe!!!_ Before it cuts back to Lauren, this time with Camila holding the camera. The younger girl kisses her cheek and says, “You _do_ know you don’t have to talk about this kind of thing, right?”

“I know I don’t have to, but I’m at the point where I’m just like _fuck it_.” Lauren pulls Camila in for a real kiss, before she frowns at the camera and announces, “censor that, I don’t want a weird twelve year old using our relationship to jerk off to.”

Camila snorts with laughter, looking at Lauren with so much adoration. “Alright, weirdo.”

“Anyway! So, before Camz came over, I was answering some questions, and I said I wanted her here if I was going to talk about this, so,” Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, and the nervousness practically radiates off her, “like I said, I’m not bothered that a small percentage of Camila’s fans enjoy calling me ugly, but I _am_ bothered when… when they make fun of drug addiction. Because I had one when I was younger.”

Camila sends her a proud smile, kissing her cheek again. “If you decide you want this out of the video, I’ll cut it out.”

“I know, but I want to talk about it,” Lauren squeezes Camila’s hand, before looking back at the camera. “When I was around… thirteen, it sort of hit me like a ton of bricks that I was in love with my best friend. This loser, in case you were wondering.”

“I’m _not_ a loser,” Camila defends herself, trying to keep her tone light despite the heavy topic. “It’s not surprising you fell for me, I’m irresistible.”

“You’re irresistible to me _because_ you’re a loser, Camz. We’ve always agreed on the fact that we’re both equally as dorky as each other,” Lauren smiles, kissing Camila’s cheek, “alright, well, serious time. When I was thirteen, like I said, I realised I liked Camz, and unlike _her_ , it wasn’t easy for me to accept. So I started pushing her away, as well as pushing any feelings for girls away, because I didn’t- well, in part, I didn’t understand how I _could_ like girls, because I’d had genuine crushes on boys too. Like, my parents told me that some people were gay, but they never mentioned anything about bisexuality.”

“But obviously, when you’re keeping a secret like that, it starts to weigh down on you, and I started to hate myself. The only thing that made me feel better was drinking and smoking, which was _bad_ for a fourteen year old, and it just started to get worse.” Lauren lets out a shaky sigh as Camila’s fingers weave through her hair comfortingly. “I tried heroin for the first time when I was fifteen, and slowly started to depend on that and ecstasy to keep me going because I was so fucking empty. Things _really_ started to fall apart when I was sixteen, when Camila and I fought and I started to go overboard. But I’m also kind of _thankful_ for that, because my parents really started to catch onto what I was doing, and if it wasn’t for them finding out, I’d probably be dead in a ditch by now.”

“My parents got me the help that I needed, and I’ll be five years clean in August.” Lauren says, and Camila smiles proudly, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “So that’s why the comments about that bother me. My past doesn’t define me, and it’s _my past._ Not my present. Thinking about that can be extremely hard, because I _don’t_ want to relapse purely because people are practically _encouraging_ me to. So, if you want Camz to date her ex, just call me ugly or something. Thanks.”

Camila snorts with laughter. “Calling you ugly would be the biggest lie, since you’re the most beautiful woman on the planet.”

“Thought that was you?” Lauren murmurs, snuggling up to her. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, princesa.” Camila smiles. “And I’m so proud of you for opening up when you didn’t have to.”

“Thank you. Now get out of _my_ video,” Lauren grabs the camera off her, laughing. “It’s _my_ YouTube channel now!”

“Alright, have fun _editing_ the video,” Camila shoots back, and Lauren pouts. The younger girl sends her a smug look, “Yeah, realised you need me, huh?”

“Yeah, well… you couldn’t write a law essay!” Lauren sticks her tongue out like it’s the best comeback in the world, “so… suck on _that_.”

Camila smirks, “I’ll suck on your-”

The video cuts, and Lauren pops up with a small smile. “Hello! Camz was being _inappropriate_ so I made her go home.”

“She didn’t, I’m right here, she just wants to make you all think she’s the top,” Camila laughs off-screen. “You guys should know I can’t be controlled.”

“Shut _up_ ,” Lauren shoves her lightly, and Camila grabs the camera off her, pulling Lauren closer. As Lauren snuggles up, burying her face into Camila’s neck, the younger girl smiles. “I’m not afraid to beat your ass.”

“Like you _could_ ,” Camila teases her, “I’d kick your ass all the way back to second grade.”

“I actually think it’d be a fair fight,” Lauren muses, like she’s genuinely considering pouncing on Camila just to check they’re of equal strength. “Like, yeah, I have a bit more physical strength than you, but I’m also in love with you, so you’d look at me all pouty and I’d feel bad and have to let you win.”

“Excuse you, there’s no _letting me win_ when it comes to _war._ ” Camila scoffs. “I would _never_ want to be pitied. I want to win for real or not win at all.”

“I guess you wouldn’t win at all, then,” Lauren flashes a cocky smile. “Because I _am_ stronger than you.”

“You might be stronger, but I have like…” Camila pauses, “I was going to say I have _smarts_ , but you go to like, one of the best colleges in the country and you’re basically a straight A student, so…”

“Babe, nothing about me is straight,” Lauren snorts with laughter, “you should know that.”

Camila laughs. “Alright, Miss _I’m not a dyke._ ”

Lauren pouts. “ _Camila_ , I said that when I was _thirteen_ and so far in the closet that I was like, quivering in the darkest corner underneath all the… rainbow feather boas or something.”

“Nice imagery, and it’s okay, I think it’s funny,” Camila replies, “I mean, at the _time_ I was upset, because I was in love with you and a hundred percent convinced that you could never love me back.”

“I’ve always loved you back,” Lauren sighs happily, “I proposed to you when I was _nine_ , that’s pretty fucking gay.”

“Um, actually, you _opposed_ , get it right,” Camila teases her, “no, sometimes I really want to like, zap back in time and talk to Camila in the past and tell her that you _will_ end up being the woman I spend the rest of my life with. She just needed to be patient.”

“The rest of your life, huh?” Lauren smiles. “I’m totally down for that.”

“And I totally forgot that we’re filming right now, so I’m sure the audience fully appreciate the absolute cheesiness of this moment.” Camila laughs at the camera. “Anyway, are we going to do something _interesting_ , or are we just going to keep yapping at them?”

Lauren hums. “I mean, _we_ could do something interesting, but I don’t think it’d be something appropriate for YouTube.”

Camila wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Lauren murmurs, sending Camila a small smile. “If you want.”

Camila looks at the camera. “Be right back.”

There’s a quick jumpcut, and nothing seems much different, except the obvious hickeys on Lauren’s neck. Lauren easily brushes them off by announcing, “Wow, I can’t believe I fell over and bruised my neck like this.”

“I know, you’re _so_ clumsy,” Camila comments, winking at the camera. “It’s a shame we didn’t get it on camera, I love a good falling over video.”

“I could make a whole _channel_ of just _you_ falling or tripping, it happens at least once a day,” Lauren says, before she pauses and adds, “you know, now that I think about it, that’s actually a pretty good concept. I’m just going to start filming you constantly so I can make money off your clumsiness.”

“Yeah, until I claim your videos for copyright, _bitch_ ,” Camila laughs, “then _your_ money will be _my_ money. It’ll be just like we’re married, except I’m the only one who benefits.”

“Yeah, enjoy that plan until I call my _lawyer_ , asshole,” Lauren retorts, “ _oh_ , wait, I _am_ my lawyer.”

“You’re _my_ lawyer too, though,” Camila pouts, “you already promised you would be.”

“I’m afraid I’m going to need physical _proof_ of that, because I could easily deny I ever did,” Lauren teases her, “no, I’m still confused as to whether or not I want to take the law or the forensics route. Both are interesting, but like... I don’t want to defend someone over an unpaid parking ticket. Murder cases are the interesting stuff. If that was the case, I’d rather be a cop.”

Camila frowns. “You’d _defend_ the murderer? Even if there was like, _irrefutable_ proof?”

“Someone has to,” Lauren shrugs, “and honestly, with the amount of people that get put away on flimsy as fuck evidence, I’d maybe like to make a difference like that. But if they were one of those nutjobs who killed people and then _boast_ about it, then I’d be like _yeah, my client sucks and they totally did it and I’m honestly just defending them for the paycheck_.”

Camila snorts with laughter. “Wouldn’t that be _wrong_?”

“Yeah, you _do_ have to do the best job, even if it’s just gunning for a lesser sentence,” Lauren shrugs, “but like I said, I’m still kind of torn as to whether I want to go into criminal defence or law enforcement _._ I’ve actually looked at a couple of starting positions since I’ve only got a year left at college.”

“Flip a coin or something. But isn’t the forensics side of your degree like, _scientific_?” Camila asks, “finding out about DNA and stuff like that?”

“Yeah. We do some of that in a couple of classes. That’s kind of interesting to me, but then I feel like the whole reason I got into all of this stuff is because like, I could’ve ended up on the wrong side of the law. It’s something I’d want to help with because it’s personal, you know? Not everyone who has had an addiction got help like I did, which means they’re in trouble of being convicted by people who don’t understand what addiction does to a person,” Lauren says, “and thinking about how that could’ve been _me_ in that situation makes me feel like… if I can help even just _one_ person get out of all that, I’ll be content. That’s the main thing that makes me want to go into criminal defence.”

Camila smiles. “You’re the best person I’ve ever met.”

Lauren blushes. “Well, I mean, I try.”

_[Write a comment…]_

**CabelloJauregui97** I love lauren so much she deserves the whole world like IMAGINE coming on here knowing that people say that stuff about you and just owning it and talking about how you want to help people who still are in that situation i- she’s so pure and I’m so glad she’s camila’s person

 **Camren jauregui** those camriana stans can shut the fuck up I’m calling the lauren defence squad  
   **Camila Cabello** i am the captain of the lauren defence squad

 **Grandecabello** …… I still don’t like the ship but I respect her for talking about this

_liked by_ **lucyvives, normani** _and_ **23,917 others  
laurenjauregui: **I made a video on my girlfriend’s YouTube channel and this is a selfie I took halfway through when I was waiting for her to help me. Go watch it if you enjoy awkward rambly room tours and toast making tutorials. Otherwise, just go watch the videos she makes, because she’s far less awkward in front of a camera than I am.

 **camila_cabello:** you did fine princesa, proud of you for opening up  
   **laurenjauregui:** 3

 **dinahjane97:** So whens the couple’s channel opening up lol  
   **caminahsjauregui:** OMG yes I need this  
    **laurenjauregui:** It will be opening up on 30th February next year.  
     **dinahjane97:** Actually believed u for a second there til I realised 30th February doesn’t exist


	30. epilogue

“Hey.”

Camila whirls around, bunch of bananas in hand. Lauren bites down on her bottom lip and sends her a shy smile, pulling her in for a quick kiss.

“Hi,” Camila replies, “I was just coming to meet you after class.”

“Got out early. I was going to grab us some snacks before I came over to annoy you,” Lauren’s fingers find their way between Camila’s and she pulls her towards the checkouts. “Clearly you’ve already decided on your snacks.”

Camila laughs. “Well, I might’ve realised I was running low on bananas.”

“And by _running low_ , you mean you had at least _one_ full bunch,” Lauren snorts in amusement, “it’s like you have to have a permanent supply.”

“I _do_ have to have a permanent supply,” Camila teases her, and as she puts her bananas through the self-checkout, Lauren pays for them before she can. Not making a big deal about it, she claps her hand to her heart dramatically and announces, “wow, I just fell even more in love with you. Thanks, babe.”

Lauren flashes her a bright smile. “You’re welcome, Camz.”

“Can I vlog?” Camila asks, tucking her receipt into her pocket and pulling her little vlog camera out. When Lauren nods, she turns the camera on and says, “hi! Happy Monday, welcome back to another vlog, I’m here with my beautiful girlfriend. Lauren, hold my bananas.”

Lauren snorts with laughter, but takes the bananas from her girlfriend and follows her out of the store. “How many of these vlogs have you done in total?”

“Almost 150,” Camila says, flashing a grin at the camera, “ _you’re welcome_ for the hours of amazing content, even though the first fifty aren’t _as_ aggressively homosexual as the ones that occurred after Lauren and I started dating.”

“Um, I’ll have you know I’m aggressively _bisexual_ , actually. Get it right, loser,” Lauren flashes her a teasing grin, “but I’m pretty sure _all_ of your vlogs are overtly gay. Since, you know, _you_ are.”

“Mhm, always have been, baby,” Camila smiles, kissing Lauren’s cheek, “and you love it.”

“What?” Lauren acts totally bewildered. “Where did you get _that_ idea from?”

“Don’t deny it, _princesa_. Otherwise we wouldn’t have been together for a year and a half,” Camila grins, turning back to the camera and announcing, “yes, I am _fully_ aware that we’re the cutest couple to ever exist, but please keep commenting it anyway.”

“Anyway, we’re not doing anything interesting, so I’ll see you later, _bye_ ,” Camila turns the camera off and tucks it back into her pocket, taking Lauren’s hand and holding out her other hand out for her bananas. “I won’t burden you with my bananas.”

“Alright,” Lauren smiles, and when Camila’s keys jingle in her hand, she asks, “we’re going to your place?”

“Won’t be my place for much longer,” Camila says, flashing Lauren a small smile, “in a month, we’ll have our own place together. _And_ you’ll be a college graduate.”

Lauren hums, excited by the thought, but also kind of terrified about graduating. She’s not _that_ worried, since she does have a job lined up to start in August, a starting position which she can hopefully further into becoming a real criminal defence attorney, but it’s such a big change from just being in school and working in a library that she’s nervous. Either way, she knows that she’ll be okay, especially with Camila to go home to every night.

When they get back to Camila’s place, and the younger girl excuses herself to the bathroom, Lauren says hi to Normani, Ally and Dinah, and then heads up to Camila’s room. Finding what she’s looking for on the dresser, she smiles to herself. Camila’s spare vlogging camera. She never uses it, and Lauren hopes that she won’t notice it’s gone until after she’s done using it.

She slips it into her backpack, before dumping it at the foot of Camila’s bed and sitting down. The younger Latina comes out of her bathroom and sends Lauren the brightest smile, before she pounces on her, fingers toying at the hem of Lauren’s t-shirt before she pulls it up over her head, tossing it across the room. Camila straddles her waist, brushing Lauren’s hair back behind her ear.

“I love you,” Lauren cups her jaw and pulls her down for a kiss, falling back onto the bed, Camila on top of her, “so much.”

“I love you too.” Camila smiles, and she rolls off Lauren, lying next to her. “Can I say, I really adore your tattoos.”

“Yeah?” Lauren rolls over, meeting her girlfriend’s gaze. “I like them too, that’s why I got them.”

“Alright, don’t sass me,” Camila rolls her eyes, and Lauren feels the younger girl’s fingers on her back, running down her spine. “That one’s my favourite. Your back tattoo.”

Lauren smiles, pulling her in for a kiss. “Would you ever get one?”

“Oh, no, I’m a big wimp,” Camila shakes her head, fingers going to brush through Lauren’s hair, “clearly you’re too badass for me.”

Lauren laughs. “Obviously.”

“Can you believe we’ve got a _month_ until we really start like… being proper adults in our own place together? I mean, my baby’s gonna be a _lawyer_.” Camila grins. “You don’t know how proud I am of you. And you know I’m going to be front and centre at your graduation next week.”

Lauren hums. “I know. I’m nervous as fuck, but I’m excited too.”

“Me too, baby,” Camila grins, “ _god,_ living together _and_ you’ll be a college graduate too? We’re really growing up, aren’t we?”

 _That, and something else too_ , Lauren smiles to herself, _but that part is a surprise._ “Yeah. But we’ll always be kids at heart.”

 **OPPOSING (oh my god)**  
_10,837,963 views_  
Camila Cabello -------- SUBSCRIBE: 8M  
Published Jun 22, 2018

“Hallo. So, you’re not used to seeing me, but hi, hello, Lauren here,” Lauren smiles at the camera, and while it’s _awkward_ , it’s not as awkward as it used to be. “You probably _won’t_ know by the title, because I’m going to make Camz title it ‘opposing’ – just a little in-joke between us – but this video… how do I describe it? Today is June 6th, 2018. I stole Camila’s spare vlogging camera earlier, because she has no idea that I’m making this. Basically… this is a proposal video.”

“For a while, it didn’t even click in my head that I could do this, because I _wanted_ to, but I have no idea how to like, edit videos and stuff? But then I realised I’m going to propose _before_ I ask Camz to edit, so…” Lauren laughs to herself, “can you believe I’m graduating with a law degree next week? Anyway, I’ve seen a couple of videos like this before, and I wanted to do this for Camila.”

“So, fun fact before we get into this, I’ve actually _already_ proposed to Camila.” Lauren says, “Hear me out before you freak out! We were nine, and I was totally in love with her but didn’t know it because I didn’t realise I _could_ love a girl like that. All I knew was that I wanted to stay with Camila forever, so being a cute little baby bisexual, I went to my dad and asked him how he got my mom to stay with him forever, and he told me he gave her a ring. I forgot that it was called _proposing_ , and I _opposed_ to Camila, so… we’ve technically been engaged for twelve years. Well, twelve years on Camila’s last birthday. So, it’s kind of always been a _thing_ between us that one day, I was going to propose properly. And I am.”

“First thing’s first,” Lauren smiles at the camera, “I had to go home, but I know that Camila has a meeting tonight. Which means I’m going over there, to tell Dinah, Ally and Normani what I’m doing, because I need them to be in on it. We have a couple of objectives here, and I’m going to need their help, especially for distractions. Camila and I see each other basically every day, so if I’m suddenly sneaking around because I’m busy looking for the perfect ring, she’ll catch on. But if _she’s_ the busy one, then she’ll think nothing of it.”

The video cuts, and Lauren is in the familiar setting of the house Camila shares with the girls. Dinah looks at the camera with a frown. “Is Walz making you film something for her channel again?”

“No, she has no idea that I have this,” Lauren says it so casually, “I came here to tell you guys that I’m going to propose. And I’m making a video about it.”

“ _What?_ ” Normani jumps up from the couch in surprise, but her expression quickly morphs into one of total happiness. She pulls Lauren in for a hug, and there’s a muffled, “I’m so happy for you guys.”

“Will you help me make everything perfect for her?” Lauren asks after all three girls have properly expressed their excitement, “because I need your help.”

“Of course,” Ally smiles, “whatever you need.”

“Okay, well,” Lauren thinks over her plan, “I’m going to need two of you to keep her busy, and the other one to come ring shopping with me and Lucy-”

Normani laughs. “Obviously _I’m_ coming ring shopping, I have the best taste.”

“Um, _what_?” Dinah looks incredibly offended at the suggestion, “I met Walz first, _I_ should get to help pick her _engagement_ ring!”

“Exactly, you’re one of her best friends,” Normani says like it’s obvious, “you two were the closest when we all met, which is what’ll make it _obvious_ when her best friend and her girlfriend start sneaking off together. _I’m_ going.”

“What if I want Ally to come?” Lauren frowns, adding, “because she’s the only _sane_ one between you,” under her breath, but loud enough for the camera to pick up.

“ _No_.” Dinah and Normani say at the same time, before breaking out into an argument over who should get to go ring shopping with Lauren.

“Alright, _break_ it up,” Ally commands in total mom-mode. “Lauren is the one who gets to decide, not you two.”

“I can’t pick between you, half because I’m afraid Dinah and Mani will murder me if I don’t pick them,” Lauren jokes, and picks up a deck of playing cards from the coffee table. Passing the camera to Dinah, she fans the cards out in her hands. “Pick a card.”

Dinah snorts. “What, are you a magician now or something?”

“Just pick a card,” Lauren rolls her eyes. “Whoever draws the highest card will come ring shopping with me, the other two will keep Camz distracted. And ace is low, before you start an argument about _that_ , too.”

Ally takes a card, and pulls out an eight. When Normani draws a queen, she sticks her tongue out at Dinah triumphantly, earning her a smack around the head from the younger girl as she goes to take her card.

When Dinah draws a king, she doesn’t hesitate to shout, “ _hah,_ in your _face_ , Hamilton!”

“Fuck off,” Normani throws her card at Dinah, “I bet you cheated.”

Dinah laughs, “sorry, babe, fate just loves me. Have fun hanging out with Walz while her future fiancée and I look at rings.”

Lauren takes the camera back from Dinah, and sends it a quick sideward glance as Dinah and Normani continue to bicker. “Anyway, good luck to me, can’t wait to deal with this insanity for the next few weeks.”

“Okay, so, it’s been a couple of days since I last updated you, but hello,” Lauren smiles at the camera after a cut, “I’m here with Dinah and my best friend Lucy, you guys don’t know her, here she is,” she pauses to point the camera at Lucy and lets her say hello, “we’re at a mall, and I feel like a total weirdo just strolling around in public, talking to a camera.”

“You get used to it,” Dinah tells her, before addressing the camera and announcing, “first of all, subscribe to my channel, link will be below-”

“Link won’t be below because you’re _not_ promoting yourself when I’m trying to be romantic here,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “Dinah here is _supposedly_ helping me look for a ring, but so far, we haven’t had any luck. I feel like I’ll just _know_ when I see the right ring.”

Dinah snorts. “Alright, you’re cheesy as hell, girl.”

“I don’t appreciate being mocked,” Lauren shoots back, nodding up ahead, “alright, next jeweller’s. I always feel like they’re _judging_ me when I walk into a jewellery store, you know?”

Lucy laughs. “That’s because you dress like a _hoodlum_ in your ripped jeans and that jacket you wear everywhere. A _ragamuffin._ ”

“Alright, who are you, Cheryl Blossom?” Lauren snorts, before she looks at the camera and says, “shut up, before you leave your comments, I only watch that trash show for Choni, and it’s _only_ because Camila got me into it as revenge for sucking her into _Game of Thrones_.”

Dinah rolls her eyes as they walk into the jewellery store. “Stop yapping about TV and look at the rings, Lauser.”

“Okay, okay,” Lauren rolls her eyes, and points the camera down at the rings in the glass cases. “I don’t know. Like I said, I feel like I’ll _know_ when I see it, but I can’t see it at the moment. I just want to make it perfect for her, you know?”

“What about that one?” Dinah points out the ring with the biggest diamond, and Lauren snorts in amusement, because of _course_ Dinah would like that one. “Bigger the diamond the better, right?”

Lucy frowns, “I always think the rings with huge diamonds are kind of fucking ugly, so Vero, if you’re watching this, get something cute for me.”

“Alright, this isn’t _about_ you,” Lauren gives her a playful shove, “make your own proposal video.”

Dinah nods, “yeah, and change your opinion, because the bigger the diamond, the _better_.”

“Nope, Lucy was right about that,” Lauren easily replies, “maybe in _your_ mind, but not in my bank account. No, in all seriousness, Camila likes simplicity, right? I’m not going to just give her a massive rock and be like _enjoy_. I want it to be the _right_ ring.”

“Alright, well, if my future husband is watching this, _I_ want a massive rock, thanks,” Dinah quips to the camera, “nothing _less_.”

Lucy snorts. “I’m pretty sure the only people watching these videos are Sapphic women, so unless you’re looking for your future _wife…”_

Dinah flips her hair. “I mean, if they’re rich, I’m up for anything.”

“Okay then,” Lauren laughs, walking away from the rings and leaving the store, knowing that it’s not right _yet_. “Alright, where else here can we go?”

“I think there’s another jewellers on the second floor, come on,” Dinah leads the way, and Lauren pouts at the camera. “ _Hey_ , you don’t have the right to pout, _you’re_ the one dragging _me_ around.”

“ _You_ begged to come with us,” Lauren retorts, “so you’re going to shut your mouth and deal with it.”

There’s a jumpcut, and this time Dinah is holding the camera as Lauren and Lucy browse rings in another jewellery store. “She’s taking her sweet time, you guys.”

“What about this one?” Lucy points one out, and Lauren studies it for a moment, before eventually shaking her head. “Well, if you’re going to shoot down all of our suggestions, _why_ did you even invite-”

“Guys,” Lauren interrupts, beckoning her as though she’s just seen something important. “This is it. I found it.”

“Which one?” Dinah walks over, pointing the camera down at the rings, and Lauren taps on the glass just above the one she likes. It’s a simple dainty silver band with the necessary diamond on the front, but on the inside of the ring, there’s a little infinity sign engraved. “Well, you two _are_ obsessed with _forever_.”

“ _Siempre,”_ Lauren mumbles, before she smiles at one of the sales assistants who is eyeing her up like she’s going to smash the glass and steal it. “Hi, how much is this one?”

Realising that she’s going to _buy_ something, the sales assistant puts on a smile. “Those are the engagement rings, ma’am. Are you-”

“I know, I’m proposing to my girlfriend.” Lauren replies, still as polite as ever, “and I’d like to buy this ring.”

Lucy laughs. “Yeah, we know she looks thirteen without makeup, but she’s legit.”

Dinah films as Lauren purchases the ring, and as they’re walking out of the store, she zooms in on the little bag they’d put the black velvet box in. “There it is.”

“Here it is,” Lauren holds the bag up, taking the little box out and opening it to the camera. “I _really_ hope she loves it.”

Lucy smiles reassuringly. “She will, Lo.”

“You could give her a ring pop and she’d love it,” Dinah adds, “Walz is head over heels for you, you could probably punch her in the face and say that’s your proposal and she’d say yes.”

Lauren puts the ring away, and flashes the camera a smile. “Next step… _proposing_.”

The video cuts to Camila, holding Lauren on the couch. Behind the camera, Ally says, “say hi.”

“Are you vlogging?” Camila looks up, waving at the camera before her fingers find their way into Lauren’s hair, playing with it. She looks totally relaxed, but then she takes a second look at the camera and blinks. “Wait, is that _my_ vlogging camera?”

“Oh, yeah, mine broke,” Ally lies, before she changes the topic with, “have you guys told the internet your big news yet? Or can I use it to clickbait?”

Camila laughs, “sure. Lauren and I are moving in together! That’s why there’s a fuck ton of boxes here! Because I’m moving out!”

“Yeah,” Lauren smiles, pulling Camila in for a kiss before she pulls away and stands up, “anyway, I want a snack. Come with me to the store?”

“Sure,” Camila takes Lauren’s hand and lets her pull her up, “I could go for some bananas.”

Lauren flashes the camera a knowing smile as they walk past. “Ally, you coming?”

“Yeah, I should get some content for the vlog,” Ally says, following them out of the door, catching it from behind when Lauren takes Camila’s hand, the other strategically hiding the ring in her jacket pocket. They’re halfway down the street when she points the camera at Lucy in the distance, saying, “hey, Lauren, isn’t that your friend Lucy?”

“Oh, so it is,” Lauren grins rather obviously at the camera, “Lucy, what’s up?”

“Oh, nothing, just out for a nice evening stroll,” Lucy says, “what about you?”

Camila, happily oblivious, just replies, “we’re going to buy some bananas. And other, less important snacks.”

Lucy smiles knowingly at Lauren, “I’ll join you, then.”

If Camila thinks anything is off, she doesn’t voice it, and she’s perfectly content and chipper on the walk to the store, swinging Lauren’s hand as they make their way down the street. She tells the camera some anecdote about a time when she was younger and she legitimately slipped on a banana peel and how she thinks it’s a really good metaphor for how even the things you love can hurt you.

“Alright,” Lauren interrupts before Camila can continue her profound bullshit conclusion, because the store is coming into view. “Let’s get you your bananas, weirdo.”

Camila is perfectly happy as they get closer, but she stops in her tracks when she recognises two _other_ people.

“Wait, Dinah, Mani?” Camila frowns as she approaches the store, “what’re you doing here? Because I’m not sure we locked the door…”

“Camz?”

Camila turns around, and when she sees Lauren, she’s not any less confused. “What’s going on? Is this some kind of intervention? I know I eat a lot of bananas but I didn’t think it was _that_ bad!”

“Oh my god, I love you so much,” Lauren laughs, taking Camila’s hand and meeting her gaze, trying to convey just how much she feels with a look. Camila seems to understand, but she _always_ understands, like she and Lauren have some kind of telepathic link. “Anyway. Nearly two years ago, we both happened to walk into this store. I saw you, and it was like, _oh my god, am I actually fortunate enough to get a second chance with her?_ The last time I saw you before that, it was 2012, and it didn’t end well, so I almost didn’t approach you. I’m ridiculously thankful that I did, because it brought us back together, and I know for a fact I never want to be without you ever again.”

“I’ve known since I was seven years old that you were my person. Obviously, I didn’t _understand_ that until a lot later, but I at least knew that I wanted to be with you forever. _That part_ , I understood.” Lauren continues, and she can see the tears in Camila’s eyes as she catches onto what’s _really_ happening. “When I was nine years old, I got down on one knee and _opposed_ to you, and gave you a stupid mood ring I bought with my allowance. Then when I was twenty, I gave you the ring you’re wearing right now, and told you that one day, I’d get down on one knee and _oppose_ to you for real.”

“And now, I’m twenty-one, almost twenty-two, and I think the time is right,” Lauren squeezes her hand, dropping down onto one knee and pulling the little velvet ring box out of her jacket pocket. “I think I’ve been waiting to do this since I was seven years old, because you’ve always been mine and I’ve always been completely, absolutely yours. So… Camila Cabello, will you marry me?”

“Yes,” Camila replies, and it comes out as almost a whisper, her hands clasped over her mouth, the tears of happiness rolling down her cheeks, “oh my god, Lauren, it’s always been a yes.”

Camila lets Lauren slide the ring into her finger, and when the older girl gets up, she throws herself on her in a hug, burying her face into Lauren’s neck. Lauren holds her tight, unable to hold back her own tears of happiness, murmuring, “oh my god, we’re gonna be wives.”

Camila pulls out of the hug and immediately tugs Lauren into a kiss. When she pulls away, she mumbles, “You’re the love of my life.”

“You’re mine too,” Lauren replies, before she takes her hand and pulls her over to Ally, who is still filming, “this is another surprise, although probably less important than the last thing. I know that YouTube is important to you, so I stole your spare vlog camera and I’ve been documenting this whole thing for you to put on your channel. So, _surprise_.”

“You really are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you know,” Camila pulls her in for another kiss. “I would say that I can’t believe you’re going to be my wife, but I’m pretty sure I’ve known that since you saved me from that bully in the playground.”

Lauren smiles. “Do your usual outro, weirdo.”

“I don’t know if I remember it, I’m too happy to think,” Camila says, “uh, goodbye from me and _my future wife_! Lauren Jauregui! _She’s_ my future wife!”

Before the video ends, Camila pulls Lauren in for one more kiss. “Thank you for _opposing_ to me.”

“I have _this_ , too,” Lauren pulls a mood ring from her back pocket, and Camila bursts out laughing, “you know, just in case you didn’t like the other one.”

Camila smiles, turning to the camera. “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Me either, Camz,” Lauren replies, looking at her with the softest, most adoring expression, “me either.”

_[Write a comment…]_

**camila jauregui** oh my GOD my username is coming true  
   **Camila Cabello** YOU BET IT IS!!!!! BECAUSE I’M MARRYING LAUREN JAUREGUI!!! THE LOVE OF MY WHOLE LIFE CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??? **  
Lauren Jauregui** I think someone’s excited  
     **Camila Cabello** YEAH I AM YOU KNOW WHY???? BECAUSE I’M MARRYING YOU

  
_liked by_ **lucyvives, normani** _and_ **50,270 others  
laurenjauregui: **I feel like it’s fitting that I post this picture after today. This is the first picture of us on my Instagram, and I doubt either of us thought we’d be engaged like eight years later. You’d be busy thinking that I was straight and couldn’t love you back, and I’d be busy realising I wasn’t straight and deciding I could never ever tell anyone. It took a lot for us to get to where we are, and sometimes the road was rocky, but I wouldn’t change it for the world, because it means we’re where we are now. Which is engaged. To get married. Oh my god. You are the love of my life, my whole entire world, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, mi amor.

 **camila_cabello:** SIEMPRE!!!  
    **laurenjauregui:** Si, siempre.


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